Third Labor
by metroanime
Summary: After the first two labors, the third one should be easy. Right?
1. Default Chapter Title

not written for more than amusement. some ideas (such as the Choose Your Own FanFic idea i'd come up with for my webpage) that i thought i'd monkey around with that were left over from Reluctant Bet. If you want Social Commentary and Meaningful Insight Into The Human Condition, well, good luck. It sure ain't here. This is a fanfic, any resemblence to a professional job is purely coincidental (and possibly a sign of the Apocalypse).   
  
Labor of Love & Time  
THIRD LABOR: Time for Revolution chapter 1 (Prologue) by Gregg...   
  
Note that this builds on events in "Skysaber's Choice" and directly follows the events in "Reluctant Bet", is part of an SI (i'd been accused of it in some other works, so might as well be hanged as a goat than as a sheep, ne?) As with RB, there are attempts to come up with new twists on old stuff. Both Reluctant Bet and Skysaber's Choice can be found at:  
http://studio-aesir.net/  
  
----------   
  
Grey sat at the edge of Mimir's Well and observed as the chosen timeline continued now without Divine OR Infernal Intervention. Some parts were funny, some were sad. All of which was perfectly normal for such things.   
  
There were the Sailor Scouts, each orbitting their love interest. There was the perky Ranko, the Reluctant Hero-Student known as Scarlet, and the hentai disciple of Happosai - Akane Tendo. The Tendo twins, Nabiki and Kasumi. A seventeen year old Cologne chatting amiably with her mother-in-law Nodoka in the Saotome kitchen. Various sundry other girls all drawn to the eldest child - Jared Saotome. Queen Serenity and her daughter (multiply removed - sort of) Serena and granddaughter Rini.   
  
Though they were fated to fight dire foes and have to deal with numerous problems, it was obvious that the vast majority of them were content if not happy. Far more were happy than not. It was a time of exploration and invention, political turmoil and social upheaval. Just little projects like terraforming Mars was bringing censure from various sources around the world. Not to mention all the horrors of rumor and innuendo that were turned against them. Nonetheless, they were *mainly* happy.   
  
He saw no indication of any of the not-Senshi from this last timeline in the Scouts of that timeline. It looked as if the merger had gone seamlessly.  
  
A sound brought his attention to the arch that marked the entryway to the Well's area. How long she had been there and watching him, he had no idea.   
  
"This is unexpected," understated Grey. He indicated a place nearby. "Have a seat?"   
  
She nodded and moved forward to sit in the indicated area, remaining silent for her own reasons.   
  
Grey glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, catching her own look and slight smile. Maybe, just maybe, they could be friends at least?   
  
That wasn't too much to hope for, was it?   
  
She looked at him speculatively. He somewhat reminded her of her Ranko-chan. She would miss her, but this was far better than merging with a pervert.   
  
"Ak-a-ne," was all she said as she curled up beside him, her tail twitching at the sight of the poke-ball that had just appeared on his belt. Well, perhaps it would work out.   
  
Grey pondered this and suddenly saw why. Toltiir had said that they would all understand. In the world they were to merge with, Akane would have either merged with Scarlet - the *very* reluctant geased student of the Pheonix Mage, or the perverted disciple of Happosai - Akane Tendo. As it was the disciple of Happosai who was native to that plane, Akane had seen that she would merge with... a most unpleasant version of herself.   
  
How she had ended up reverting to the pokemon form, Grey wasn't sure but suspected it was because Amaterasu's influence had been temporarily suppressed by the shifting timelines.   
Taking out his laptop, Grey put in a request for a human/pokemon translator. "Okay, I understand why you didn't want to merge. How did you get re-merged with your pyrolion aspect?"  
  
Akane growled under her breath. Having a limited vocabulary sucked. She was tired, she was upset about losing her home, and this guy wasn't Ranko (but Ranko was a part of him as she understood it) and she wanted to go off and sulk.   
  
Grey looked over the pokemon. "Beautiful..."   
  
Akane startled at that, before turning a wary gaze towards him.   
  
"No, not like that," assured Grey. "Have you seen yourself?"   
  
Akane shook her head. No, she hadn't merged with this previous aspect for long.   
  
"Look then," Grey used the properties of the Well to make it reflective. Simple stuff he could handle.   
  
Akane gasped as she got a good look at herself. Roughly the size of a mountain lion, and with a similar build. A long tail ended in a plume of flame that didn't seem to burn anything. Red fur covered her, except for a pattern of orange flame-shaped stripes, those luminous golden eyes, and a slightly darker flattened nose. Her ears went from flat to extend out to tufted points as she examined her image.   
  
She'd known at the moment of transformation that she was powerful, with strong jaws and teeth, powerful claws, and a tight musculature under that short thick fur. She instinctively knew that she was now an elemental creature of fire. She agreed now with Grey's assessment. She *was* beautiful and deadly, a form that was powerful and graceful and strong. She grinned experimentally and was rewarded with the sight of some impressively sharp white teeth though the back group looked as if they were flattened much like human teeth. She wasn't exactly human, but then she kind of wished she could run into Kuno-sempai while looking like this.   
  
Grey took out his pokedex, and let Akane see her entry.  
Pyrolion (Akane)  
Element: Fire  
Type:Unique  
Length: 6'3"  
Weight: 250 lbs  
Techniques: Scratch, Ember  
Other Techniques: Roar, Bite, Fire Spin, Flamethrower, Takedown  
Good Against: Grass, Bug, Ice  
Bad Against: Water, Rock, Dragon, Psychic  
Evolution: normal  
"Pyrolion - fire elemental lion. This pokemon is best avoided by beginning trainers."   
  
Akane snorted at that. Let ANY trainers avoid HER, thank you very much. "Aka NE!" Her ears flicked as she heard others approach. Well, she was tired anyway, so she nosed the white/red sphere on Grey's belt.   
  
SHOOM!   
  
Grey watched Akane enter the pokeball and was curious. Why had she done that, anyway? It wasn't often he could have a conversation with Akane without a fight starting out.   
  
A wood nymph stepped within the arches. "Pardon me, Candidate Grey, but you're wanted over at Freja's Field."   
  
-----------   
  
Toltiir's tail twitched. As he had reverted to cat-form (it wasn't his *true* form, but it was familiar and comfortable) this was not a good sign.   
  
While it *had* been his idea, the arguing girls were not very amusing at present. Each of those who had made this choice had excellent reasons (at least in their own opinions) for being the one to marry Grey, or at least accompany him on his next Labor.   
  
Then, despite warnings, Son Usagi and Usagi Tsukino were sufficiently curious that they made physical contact. And had merged as having both of them bleep out of existence would not have been funny. Toltiir had some regrets about influencing things so that they had merged, especially after the new Son Usagi Tsukino had unleashed an experimental denki ball attack.   
  
Now everyone was arguing. Not amusing. Toltiir was bored and beginning to get annoyed.   
  
Edema saw this and walked over to the currently-feline Elder god before all Chaos broke loose. "Well now, Puck. Hardly what you had planned, eh?"   
  
"Hardly," agreed Toltiir.   
  
"Grant me three wishes and I'll cut through all this nonsense," Edema indicated the fight about to break out.   
  
"Fine, fine. Just don't make it boring will you?"   
  
Edema shrugged, nearly popping out of her top in the process. She was a dark elf and had spent many years as a talented sorceress in the evil city of Mezonobarren. No matter that she had learned other methods or had left that city to pursue another path, the culture one is raised in constantly colored one's perceptions.   
  
The drow was a friend of Grey's, or so she considered herself. They were both outsiders in Asgard, and though he was often a pale-skinned human and she a darkskinned elf, there was a certain pleasure in each other's company. They had dated a couple of times, but the loveplay of her homeland included things that would make a Klingon warrior squeamish. She liked it rough while Grey was the gentle nurturing type. So they remained friends but would never get past that hurdle.   
  
Edema considered. Being a drow mage and running an ice cream parlor were both occupations where careful thought was a handy trait. It was not uncommon in her land of origin for a woman, particularly of the priestesses, to have many male slaves whose purpose was to entertain her on her couch. Marriages were less common, as sacrificing a particularly loved one was a common practice. Still, the common people had marriages, though it was usually for safety or advancement, not love. And Grey was more self-sacrificing than other-sacrificing.   
  
She was listening to the arguments around her. Minako claimed that as she had known Grey the longest, and he had once been her pet cat, that SHE should be the first to marry him. Rei was arguing that as the psychic girl, she was the best candidate. Setsuna argued that she had seen her counterparts and knew them to be nearly the personification of loneliness, that SHE should be first.   
  
Edema was listening, and didn't hear love mentioned once. She knew this was important to Grey, though she wasn't quite sure she knew what love was. Affection, yes, she had her favorite cloak, her favorite magic wand, her favorite daggers.   
  
"First wish. I wish that all these girls deeply loved Grey and were comfortable with the concept of a group marriage."   
  
Toltiir, already having manifested a rather large ball of energy, was a little surprised but let it go. The shimmering field shot out. Judging from Edema's surprised look, she'd apparently forgotten that she was technically a girl and present. As were a few *other* observers present.   
  
Sasami innocently supplied the next wish due to her dislike of the continuing conflict. "I wish they'd all kiss and make up... oh my!"   
  
-------------   
  
Grey climbed the stairs to the small park, wondering why the mysterious summons and why *him* in particular. He finally reached the top and saw...   
  
"Hades' pointy beard, why me? Well none of THEM need me, that's for sure." Grey continued to grumble, walking past the confused wood nymph messenger. "Tell whoever wanted me that I got the message. Oh boy, did I get the message. If anybody wants me i'll be getting the info from Hades about my next mission. Yeeeeshhh."   
  
"Oh dear," said the wood nymph as she looked out over the field, wondering exactly how *this* had happened.   
  
---------------   
  
"This Labor is a bit tricky," explained Koenma as he leaned against a building, "in keeping with the first two Labors, it is a task that needs doing in a different timeline. Your first mission, reconciling Queen Serenity and the Pheonix Mage, was successful even if..."   
  
Aphrodite snorted and waggled a finger. "Even if she's convinced that he's actually Serena's father from their Silver Millenium incarnation."   
  
"Not my fault. Most *definitely* not my fault." Grey was quite certain of this, he certainly couldn't think of anything that he'd done to encourage that illusion. And he knew darn well he'd never been some Silver Millenium consort. (He was wrong about this, but then he made no pretensions about perfection.)  
  
"The second mission, though simple, was accomplished as well," Joe pointed out. "Though the chaos level was a bit high."   
  
"So there will be no resets, no divine interventions or assistance," Koenma glared directly at Aphrodite on this last point, "except for behind the scenes in case of a major demonic intervention. Due to the difficulty of this task, you will be allowed to take your apprentice and one other non-divine assistant as well as your usual bag of tricks."   
  
"Apprentice?!"   
  
"Apprentice." Aphrodite gestured and a picture appeared.   
  
"Sasami? Isn't she back in her homeverse?"   
  
"No. Ryoko and Aeka got into a fight in her kitchen. She left and is now resuming with the RRO. Per her request." Koenma shrugged. Juraians, who could figure them?   
  
"Continuing your briefing on the Third Labor," said Celeste with a wince. "The problem is in timeline AK-RN 204171, we have two seperate problems. There was an Infernal Intervention where some Chinese warlord named Dong Zhao was posssessed and unifed China, setting up an infernally influenced empire that lasted nine hundred years and had serious repercussions throughout the East.   
  
"The second intervention was the result of the Continuum Knights."   
  
"Wait a minute, i thought they were just interested in returning errant timelines to mainlines." Grey couldn't help but interject a comment here.   
  
"That's originally what we thought. Unfortunately, many of the actions so far don't fit the sort of pattern you'd expect from that." Celeste rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Anyway, you're to go to March 13, 1774 where the problem occurred."   
  
"What did they do and what was the effect?"   
  
"Unclear, other than the deaths of George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Samuel Payne, and a half dozen other pivotal American revolutionaries within the period of, " Celeste consulted a display, "March 13 1774 to May 12 1774. Resulting in the American Revolution failing, and the 'uppity colonists' are pretty well suppressed by the British until WWI. America ends up actually being three seperate nations that are continually having border disputes. We've noted that while there were indications of these 'Continuum Knights' entering this timeframe, they may have stayed in there for awhile. They're apparently using a 'Boom Tube' like device for interdimensional transport."   
  
"Hmmm. So basically," Grey interpreted, "my mission is to keep the assassinations from taking place."   
  
"Essentially," agreed the huge Koenma, eyeing the clock but he still had an hour before his poker game with Hades. "What matters is who you'll be taking with you on the trip. Remember that many of the girls will revert to an asian appearance in a non-anime timeline, and if you rely on a translation spell or device then either failing will mean a major language barrier for the girl you take with you. Also that as this is Colonial America, noncaucasians are frequently viewed as being less than a white counterpart."   
  
"Though frankly with Franklin, Jefferson, and a number of others, they won't care a whit." Celeste pointed out. "Not to mention that the attitude is less hostile in 1774 than it becomes later. These are the current list of volunteers..." A holographic display showed nine girls who had gotten the rules ahead of time and had put in for the duty.   
  
"However, you should note that the 'Senshi' lost the powers gained in the past timeline." Koenma grumbled. "As dominant timelines have them as Senshi they've reverted to similar core abilities. As this universe doesn't have a Silver Moon Kingdom to draw power from, they're not able to do some of their Senshi tricks if they accompany you. Something close might be possible, I hear Sif's gotten 'inspired.'"   
  
"i see. Therefore, i should choose..."   
  
---------------------   
  
There were six water fountains in Freja's Field. Each was being used. Each had a line waiting to use it.   
  
"Bleh! Bleagh! Shampoo no can believe she did that!" Shampoo carefully spat the water out to the side and rinsed her mouth out again. "Pah!"   
  
Ukyo tapped her on the shoulder. "Come on, Sham-chan, my turn."   
  
"At least she used the last wish to wish we were cured of the effects of the second wish, it *could* have been worse." Ed wasn't *that* unhappy with the way things had turned out. He'd just been curious, so he and Kiyone had come by to see what was going on. Serious liplock had commenced as *everyone* in the area of the field had started kissing everyone else. What a pity he'd been in his Pikachu form at the time!   
  
"I noticed Minako just turned herself into her dragonform and flew off, suppose that the 'Soldier of Love' and the 'Cupid of Love' are planning something?" Kiyone looked over at her partner, wondering why Ed was still grinning like that. How odd.   
  
"Oh look! A karaoke bar!" Ed decided to deflect a few suspicions. Just in case.   
  
"Don't go there."   
  
Edema shook her head, amused for the most part. She hadn't been bothered by kissing a woman, though humans did it a bit different. And at least having this guy around had gotten people to stop calling *her* Ed.   
  
--------------------   
  
Makoto Kino spat water out and regarded her fellow victim of Sasami's well-intentioned but not terribly thought out wish. "That was disgusting."   
  
"I've always suspected Usagi of swinging both ways," Rei growled. "Not only does she have to pursue almost any guy in sight, but her reaction when she's meeting cute girls..."   
  
Makoto winced. "I think she's still hitting on Honey-san."   
  
Rei grumbled at that.   
  
"Guys, here's the ones who passed the review board," Ami said, accessing a data terminal set into a tree. ~At least my computer skills haven't faded upon leaving my home timeline.~   
  
"WHAT?!" Makoto was quick to determine that there was a name conspicuous by absence. "Why aren't I on the list?!"   
  
"Hang on, I'm scrolling down. 'Lack of English skills, inability to look American.'"   
  
"I'm *half* American! Where do you think my height and 'talent' came from? And, well, I kind of..."   
  
"You spent most of your life fighting or defending that you were Japanese so taking English courses didn't seem too cool, eh?" Rei had pieced the story together over the past few years.   
"Until recently..."   
  
Makoto blushed. "Hey, we've been hitting it off lately. And when he was an angel..."   
  
"When he was an angel he was cute," Ami said, then almost fainted from the force of her blush when she realized she had said that out loud.   
  
"Sif took Setsuna to merge with one of her Senshi aspects," Rei looked up. "She's still playing matchmaker, I guess."   
  
"Why are *your* names on here?! Ami speaks English but she and you are pure Japanese!" Makoto looked at the two nominees. "You couldn't pass for American in... 1774?! Time AND space travel?"   
  
"Admittedly the American Colonies at that time were primarily of Anglo-Saxon derivation," agreed Ami, "mainly of English descent but a few others as well. Most likely we'd be mistaken for some odd tribe of American ainu there or Chinese from descriptions passed on by traders. You'll notice that the main reason is listed here in the sidebar for our inclusion."   
  
"Well," said Makoto, a determined gleam in her eyes, "I'm going to find a way to get in on this mission one way or another!"   
  
----------------------   
  
Timeline SM-301417:   
  
Sailor Pluto took a deep breath. The future ended in fifteen minutes. Beyond that she could not see and the Gate Of Time would be forever closed. The timelines would merge and she would cease to exist. She would become part of another her that was so close that there were no differences at all. Which was why they were merging, of course. It happened all the time and was nothing to be worried about.   
  
Except that when the timelines merged she would go irrevocably, stark raving, insane from the memories of TWO lifetimes of isolation. She'd only have to deal with it for thirty seconds while the merger built up around her place of guardianship. By the time the wave crested, she'd be giggling and imagining herself back at the Silver Moon Palace with her Queen and flirting with that handsome young Nebula Knight.   
  
"Excuse me?"   
  
Sailor Pluto, the dignified guardian of the time gate, nearly wet herself. Nobody sneaked up on her. She had been alone a very, very, long time.   
  
"Who dares....?!" Sailor Pluto looked at a version of herself who was not a Senshi, who was dressed in a fairly cute green turtleneck and a pair of tight jeans. Her skin was more tanned too, and she had a healthy look about her. "Me?!"   
  
"So, in this timeline, my Queen failed to send anyone forward in time, and so you have been guarding this timeline alone since then?" Setsuna looked around at the place, noting hundreds of sweaters, quilts, blankets, stacks of trashy romance novels, a few sculptures, a Navajo flute, and a guitar.   
  
Sailor Pluto leaned on her staff and stared. "It's finally happened. I've gone mad." She knew she had come close on several occasions. She'd learned hundreds of skills such as knitting and playing every variant of solitaire that she could conceive. If you could do it while you were alone, and get the supplies by fishing in the timestream, she'd done it. A million years was a VERY long time. But loneliness was a poison and boredom a constant companion.   
  
Setsuna shook her head. "I'm one of your Analogues, the other you from a timeline where I was one of those sent forward by the Queen, though I am not a Sailor Scout." She held a slender hand out. "I offer... an alternative."   
  
"An alternative?" Sailor Pluto wasn't born yesterday. "What's the catch?"   
  
"Your aspect merges with me." Setsuna blushed a little. "There is a good chance, if we play our cards right, of ending up with someone special. Of loving and being loved in turn. There are jobs to be done, important ones as well as those not so important. But you needn't go mad, and you needn't go lonely."   
  
There was a blur as the two aspects met, and Sailor Pluto blinked as the memories of this other life flowed through her. He made her feel... special. Appreciated. She had sworn an oath and would serve him as a samurai served her daimyo, as a knight did her lord, and if she could manage it - as a lover served the one they loved.   
  
Sailor Pluto blushed and vanished from the room.   
  
--------   
  
Eyecatch #1:   
  
A framed picture of Rei Hino in her priestess hakima. With a click, it flips over, revealing a picture of Rei in a plugsuit. Click/flip: Rei in Jedi Knight robes. Click/flip: Sailor Mars. Click/flip: Rei as a Rifts SAMAS Samurai pilot. Click/flip: Rae Hino in a yellow gi, leaping towards a Dojo Destroyer. Click/flip: Rei as an angel.   
  
Eyecatch #2:  
  
A framed picture of Sasami in her Juraian princess clothes. With a click, the picture turns over to reveal Tsunami wearing Dragonball Z style fighting clothes. Click/flip: Magical Princess Pretty Sammy. Click/flip: wearing jeans and a "Nuku Nuku" t-shirt. Click/flip: Tsunami with the forehead and cheek markings of an OMG style goddess. Click/flip: Sasami as an angel with Tsunami standing right behind her.   
  
--------   
  
Everyone copes with events beyond their control in different ways. Setsuna Meiou moved to secure her position and increase her usefulness, and even if she still failed to capture someone's heart, then she'd have a job waiting for her guarding a gate.   
  
Ami Mizuno gathered information. Makoto Kino aggressively sought action. Rei Hino tried to analyze the data and get a feel for the situation. Usagi found a buffet and was not heard from for several hours. Michiru and Haruka weren't particularly bothered by kissing other women and wondered what all the fuss was about. Likewise, Cutey Honey didn't see the problem, though she'd have much preferred to have kissed a guy. Edema wasn't bothered about kissing a woman, but human women were slightly different.   
  
Minako Aino had flown around until she spotted a Karaoke Bar near the valkyries. Shortly thereafter, the underage girl was being escorted *back* to the Park, but not (alas) in time. She'd watched too many Westerns, had gone up to the bar, and asked for the strongest thing they had. Then, perfectly in keeping with the source material, had knocked it back in a single swallow.   
  
"I've got it! Yeah baby I've got it! I'm his Venus, I'm his fire, I'm pure desire!" Then, as she had done the past three times she had broken into song, Minako Aino passed out.   
  
"She can still move after drinking that stuff," the valkyrie holding Minako's right arm noted aloud, "that's fairly impressive."   
  
"Y'know, Tendo-chan, you've got something there. Though she's got a dragonseed, so maybe she's not the frail little girl she appears." The valkyrie holding Minako's left arm looked over the girl whose heels were dragging in the dirt.   
  
"Call me Kimiko, Helga-chan, we're off-duty. I would *count* on them being more than they appear, otherwise they wouldn't be heroes."   
  
Minako's eyes opened, though still crossed, "Yeah baby...."   
  
-------------------   
  
Grey looked over the candidates again.   
  
"Ami, i suppose i could use the 'world explorer' guise and her English skills are going to be pretty good. She's physically quite Japanese, being all of 5'3" or so, but probably knows a lot about world and US history. Probably knows more than *i* remember, that's for sure."   
  
"Ami Mizuno it is," noted Celeste, scribbling it down. Not who *she* would have chosen, but then she had access to information Grey did not.   
  
---------------------   
  
"Oh my," said a currently-normal-if-genius Japanese schoolgirl, turning red and sweating profusely as she stared at the display. "It looks like..."   
  
"Ami won?!" Makoto blinked. "*I* look more American than she does!"   
  
"Minako's really going to be upset about this," Rei noted.   
  
"Oh my," repeated Ami. "I've got to get some supplies and equipment. And review American History..."   
  
"That's the one subject in the world you're *not* conversant on, isn't it?" Makoto smirked, sensing a weakness.   
  
Ami acknowledged the hit, cocking her head to the side and wincing. "Well... it's not like that is a subject that is normally taught in Japanese schools. I think I ought to get some supplies."   
  
-----------------   
  
Makoto knew just who to contact. What surprised her was some of the others accompanying her. "Why are *you guys* all here?"  
  
"I could ask you the same question, but it's kind of obvious." Rei straightened the white top of her hakima. "This mission could take several years, right? Ami having all that time alone with him gives her an unfair advantage! So we need a way to stake our claim now or else accompany the 'happy couple', don't we?"   
  
Makoto frowned. "So you figured it out too."   
  
Rei rolled her eyes. "EVERYONE figured it out. The people who aren't here are over at Urd's getting potions, or Hephaestus' place, or laying traps."   
  
"Except for Minako-chan, who's currently passed out," noted Setsuna as she leaned against the wall.   
  
Rei blinked. She had been *sure* that Setsuna hadn't been there a moment ago. "So, uhm, how did it go?"   
  
"Well enough," said Setsuna, looking off into the distance.   
  
"What's it like, errr, merging with your other self..." Makoto wasn't sure how to put this.   
  
"It's like becoming slightly more complete. It's confusing and odd and...." Setsuna shook her head, sending her long green hair swaying. "If it were normal, though fusion of timelines, there wouldn't have been any knowledge of things being different. In this case, though, the differences between were quite high. As it is: I remember being alive and knowing most of you in an ancient Silver Millenium. I remember my rivalry with Sailor Jupiter over the Knight Of Duty. I... remember watching you all die, and the Queen trying to send you forward in time to reincarnate when she died of her wounds. I remember a million years of watching humanity struggle back, only to capture only a tiny portion of the glory of the Silver Millenium. I remember learning all sorts of skills as I guarded the Gate Of Time, the last duty given me by the Queen.   
  
"I also remember being reborn as Setsuna Meiou and growing up in Juuban in the '70s. My graduation from Crossroads in 1989 and then meeting all of you and your 'pet cat' Orion. I remember learning that Orion was also Minako's 'boyfriend' Grey and accompanying you all to China. I remember all the things that happened, including that time we were all turned into babies and Grey had to take care of us. When the cure was found and we grew up, a year a day, I remember that as well. He certainly had his hands full with you, didn't he, Makoto-chan?"   
  
Makoto looked extremely embarassed at Setsuna's reminder.   
  
"WHAT?!" Edema practically screeched, which was enough to get everyone's attention. "What do you mean 'the Binding is with *Ranko* now?!'"   
  
"I mean the Binding got confused. There are currently three of him after all. Ginseng, Grey, and Ranko." Hephaestus shrugged and tapped his cane on the ground. "Why are you so upset, Edema?"   
  
"Errr.." Edema started fidgeting. This had the effect of drawing further attention towards the pair walking by the crowd. "Well... I sort of gave him selfalis root."   
  
"WHAT?!" Hephaestus now looked shocked. "Bridal Root! Edema, how could you do something so foolish! You know he won't do any of that until after a marriage..."   
  
"I know but those girls are *so* damn shy! I figured it would get them moving!"   
  
Rei turned to the proprietor of Rajin's Potion Emporium as Edema and Hephaestus turned the corner. "What is 'selfalis root' anyway?"   
  
"Ahhh, young one, that is a drow poison, difficult to prepare. If the husband does not manage to fulfill his husbandly duties within 24 hours..." Rajin drew his finger across his throat.   
  
Much blinking. "Why the..." "How..." "That's INSANE!" Everyone naturally started talking at once. Setsuna put two fingers in her mouth and gave a piercing whistle that caused silence to follow.   
  
"Anyone who knows him, knows DARN well that he won't do anything until he's married," Setsuna said calmly after everyone had silenced. "Otherwise, when that Lust daimon had possessed Ami and she spread it out... frankly Makoto would have had children by now."   
  
Makoto blushed and fidgeted at further embarassing memories.   
  
"Not that she would have minded," added Setsuna, "nor would have any of the rest of us that Ami managed to tag with that particular enchantment."   
  
"He was twitching quite a bit by the time it wore off, I think another day and he'd have flown off and never come back. Or he'd have saved us all a lot of problems." Rei frowned prettily.   
  
"We never *did* finish that little contest, did we?" Honey realized.   
  
Rajin rubbed his hands together. This sounded... profitable.   
  
------------   
  
Grey looked up from his packing, something felt wrong. Kind of like that time that Ami...   
  
"Something wrong?" Ami finished putting her purchases away. The RRO "Bag O Tricks" stored all of them away fairly nicely. She had all the books and other supplies that she could afford the time to get. Now she had other things that needed done, such as planning the mission.   
  
"Pssst! Ami-chan, can I see you a moment?" Makoto's voice came from the other side of the door. "It's REALLY important."   
  
"Hai, Mako-chan," Ami smiled at her fiance, then let herself out. Hmmm. Maybe she ought to get some sex manuals, after all they *were* engaged and they *were* going to be camping, and they *were* going to be alone together a lot of the time.   
  
Grey frowned, the odd feeling of danger intensifying as the door closed behind Ami.   
  
A face appeared at the window, slender fingers sliding the glass open quietly.   
  
Outside, in the hallway, Ami stared at her friend. "You're kidding!"   
  
Makoto Kino held her hand up. "I swear, that Rajin guy confirmed it. A horrible death if he doesn't consummate the marriage within 24 hours. That's why I got *this*!"   
  
Ami looked skeptically at the little bottle, noticing that it resembled one of those "energy drinks" that were popular around exam time. "What is *that*?"   
  
"Rajin sold a bunch of these." Makoto held up a similar vial. "Some sort of extreme courage potion, guaranteed to make you a 'warrior of love' or your money back."   
  
Ami blushed, fidgeted, then got a peculiar determined look in her eyes. "All right then!" She popped the top, swigged it down, and hit the floor as stiff as if she'd just turned to wood. Makoto hit with a similar thunk at the same time, having mimicked her friend's actions.   
  
Inside the room, Grey had tried to fit this into his worldview. He wasn't that attractive to women, except as a target for practical jokes. Therefore, Setsuna Meiou had dressed as Sailor Pluto and appeared from under his bed because of some jest she was playing on him. Cutey Honey slipping in the window and attempting to rip his clothes off was obviously some other weird sort of joke, but as he didn't think Honey was this mean or vindictive (the two often conversing about loneliness and trying to do the right thing in a society that rarely rewarded such conduct) this meant that Urd or some OTHER mischievous being was trying to hit him in an admittedly sore area.   
  
Dodging, ducking and otherwise avoiding the various attacks, Grey made his way towards the door, especially noting with alarm that Rei and Minako had joined the crowd. (Though Minako looked puzzled and Rei looked tired from the strain of teleporting with someone.) Having lately gotten practice at this sort of thing, Grey opened the door in midleap, closing it behind him as he landed in the hallway.   
  
"Ouch!" Ami said, having had someone land on her.   
  
"Ami, we've got to get out of here! One of the love goddesses is playing kick me again, and I don't know how..." Grey's voice ran out as he realized that Ami and Makoto were both on the floor. Which meant... "Uh oh."   
  
Ami and Makoto both looked up at Grey simultaneously, and there was a moment of near silence. Then came several things at once: Ami and Makoto pouncing, the door opening, and Grey... well, he screamed. He knew darn well that this would end in disaster. How else could it end?   
  
---------------   
  
Edema smirked at the girls confronting her. "Of *course* it was all a joke. Did you honestly think I would pull such a crude trick on a friend of mine? No, it might be a perfectly normal prank among the drow, but Grey is the 'gentle cuddlesome' type and would never go along with such a thing. Not prior to a marriage, at least. Having the vows and such, he might well relax enough to begin trusting again. Not that such a thing..."   
  
Edema's discourse was interrupted by a small group of girls in wedding dresses jogging by, carrying a figure so tied up that he resembled a mummy, while singing "Going to a chapel, and we're...gonna get marriiiied, going to the Chapel Of Lovvvvve..."   
  
Haruka and Michiru looked at each other, then at Hotaru, then Belle, at the odd procession now down the street, and finally at Edema.   
  
Edema stared down the street with a puzzled expression. "I think they're heading for the wedding chapel a block over, the one run by Hestia. My word. Was I too subtle in my humor?"   
  
"AAAAAaaaa!" Haruka, Michiru, Hotaru, Belle, Usagi, Nabiki, Sash, Fumika, Queen Serenity, Shampoo, and Ucchan all summed up their assessment of the situation. Kasumi merely looked moderately alarmed. Then, of course, they took off in pursuit.   
  
----------------------   
  
"Mmmmfff! Mmmmmffff!"   
  
Minako bid her time (and also waited for the ground to stabilize under her feet) while watching the others. She had no idea what was going on, but only one thing made sense! Ami had had a relapse of that Lust demon seed!   
  
Her stomach hurt, she felt unsteady, it felt as if someone had stuffed a whole box of cotton balls in between her ears, and her vision kept going blurry among other things, but at heart Minako Aino was a hero and knew what she had to do!   
  
Rescue Ran... Orion... Grey... oh whatever her pet cat/boyfriend was calling himself lately.   
  
She'd been his Owner, then his confidante, then his friend, then his girlfriend, then his comrade-in-arms, then his fiancee. She'd been informed since Rei's psychic powers awoke that Ranma/Orion's "real" name was actually Grey. And, after years of associating with him, even if she knew that most of the memories were just a computer backtracking, she knew him about as well as it was humanly possible to know another person. The only person who *really* came as close was Makoto- the two being kindred spirits of a sort.   
  
He'd slept on her bed (as a cat) for over a year. He was safe and protective and many other things that she valued. So, while still under the effects of a rather potent alcoholic beverage, the princess saw that the fair dragon was in danger. In danger of what, Minako couldn't quite be sure of, but in danger of *something.* Therefore she had to save him!   
  
She wasn't really in shape for figuring out what was going on, and she was quite unsteady on both a physical and mental basis. As a woman of action, she decided to do what came natural, and *act*.   
  
Finally she saw her chance as a crowd of other fiancees confronted the group around her. Shifting Grey's weight fully onto her, Minako shifted to Angelform and quickly became airborne, though carrying his weight she wouldn't be able to maintain it for long.   
  
Especially as she was going from Drunk to Hangover stage, though she didn't know it. Yet.   
Minako faltered, her wings fading as she glided to a roof. "Ohhhh. I don't feel so good."   
  
The mummified Grey started struggling to be free, especially on seeing the far edge of the roof approaching. Especially as Minako seemed to be getting rather ill.   
  
Finally, as Grey struggled to get free, it looked as if he hadn't escaped after all.   
  
--------------   
  
Minako clutched her head as a million dwarves with icepicks started in on it. Nausea, weakness, and a whole lot of pain seemed to have reduced her ability to notice anything outside herself. "Nnnngggg!"   
  
When she began to feel herself again, there was a cool cloth lying across her brow and she was lying in bed. "Huh? Wha..." Who'd put all this cotton in her mouth anyway? And lying next to her was...   
  
Grey. From the look of it, he had been there for awhile. Minako's blue eyes blinked in confusion. The last *clear* memory she had was of going into that bar and asking for the strongest thing they had. She got the distinct impression it hadn't gone well after that.   
  
"Mmmmph," came a sound from the figure near her, and Minako felt some of the haze recede as she noticed the injuries. Not hers. His. Something had ripped him up in straight little lines. *She* wasn't hurt, but he'd apparently been taking care of her while *he* had bloodied and torn clothes and the skin inside didn't look that good. Knowing him as well as she did, that meant only one thing.   
  
"Idiot," pronounced Minako, tears forming. "You always pull this stuff!"She traced a line down the boy's cheek with a finger. "What did you do that..." A detail penetrated the remaining haze. A slender ring gracing her hand, on THAT finger.   
  
"Shhhh!" Rei let herself quietly in. "He was tied up in his own clothes when he transformed to dragon to save you. The clothes eventually broke but they didn't give as quickly as skin and bone."   
  
"EEh?" Minako held her hand in front of her mouth, regretting the outburst immediately.   
  
"Urd used a healing sleep spell, as long as you don't yell or hit him or something, he'll keep sleeping." Rei sat down on the edge of the bed. "Not much chance of that, is there?"   
  
"Then why..."   
  
"We bought potions from 'Rajin's Potion Emporium' which turned out to be not terribly wise." Rei shrugged. "Unless you know what you're buying, that is."   
  
"Oh." Minako considered that, yes, she had heard stories about drinking the *wrong* magic potion. "but what about...?!"   
  
"What about? Oh. The ring. Congratulations." Rei had the grace to look embarassed.   
  
Hair was toinging. "Congratulations?!" Grey stirred but Minako wasn't noticing at the moment.   
  
"Well..." Rei hemmed and hawwed but finally got to the point. "When we caught up to him, he agreed to our terms providing we got you to a healer. I guess he didn't know what was wrong with you. He was holding you, or trying to, you were curled up in lap moaning and looking just absolutely horrible..."   
  
"Thank you," mumbled Minako, staring now at the matching ring on Grey's finger.   
  
"So, right now, he's married to you, me, Setsuna, Honey, Ami, and Makoto. And no, he hasn't been in any condition to consummate anything." Rei shook her head. "You were apparently together enough to say 'I do' in all the right places, though you kept throwing up and complaining about pain."   
  
Minako found herself picturing the scene and was appropriately mortified. What had happened?! She still felt nauseous and there was the twinge of a headache... but... her wedding had apparently gone from a dream to a nightmare and that moment was now past her.   
  
Minako clutched her sleeping husband and cried as her "most special moment" had apparently been interrupted by some really horrible incidents.   
  
Rei considered mentioning that anyone who wanted out of it could do so, apparently it wasn't binding when done under the influence of potions. Acceptance of the marriage, however, would mean that one essentially accepted the whole thing as binding. As Minako was apparently asleep again, she decided not to bring this up yet.   
  
----------------   
  
Some time had gone by and the explanations made. Son Usagi and a few others had *insisted* on getting their own inclusion in the wedding but had been put off as now he had to get to the Labor.   
  
Ami sat down on the bench of the wagon next to Grey and Sasami. "Our cover identity is that we're spice merchants. The wagon in back is our stock. There's also some silk and other trade goods appropriate to the cover. I've also got some synthetic gems to use as funds should something happen where we lose the wagon. I'm the expert on the spices, a girl you married overseas, Sasami is my younger sister. We're married, and have been so just under a year."   
  
Grey nodded and handed two weapons out. "In 1774, the main weapons are flintlocks, knives, swords. There are still a number of people who practice the Code Duello, and arguments are settled usually in fisticuffs. Small weapons are usually all right in these cultures, as long as you don't make a habit of using them or threatening people with them. Sasami, yours is a simple Swiss Army knife. It also contains a distress beacon hidden in the panel, leave the corkscrew out for five seconds to activate. It's made of high grade steel, a bit better than what the locals will have but not outrageously so. Ami, as a merchant you're expected to carry a weapon. The design is of a simple Amerind knife, buckskin for the handle, watered steel for the blade. At least that's what it looks like. It was copied off a prize knife given by a Chesapeake tribe to an Outsider."   
  
Ami looked at the knife, simple but elegant. A working knife as opposed to a showpiece. "Cerametal?"   
  
"Yeah, next best thing to diamond. Better in some ways. Also this..." Grey held up a fairly plain looking ring with a single ornamental stone. "The gemstone is *your* beacon. If you break the stone the alarm goes off. If either of you finds yourself in trouble, set off your alarm and you'll be yanked back to Asgard."   
  
Sasami looked behind them into the wagon's interior, wishing that she could contribute something. "Oh my! There's a lot of books there."   
  
"Well, uhm," Ami blushed and fidgeted a little. "I wouldn't want to get behind in my studies..."   
  
Sasami picked a book off the stack. "Huh? 'Dragontaming for Beginners.' Are we going to run into any dragons?"   
  
"i don't think so," said Grey, puzzled. As far as he knew, he would be the only dragon present. Ah, Ami must be thinking ahead to future missions!  
  
The gate swirled with mists. Grey directed the two horses pulling the wagon forward.   
  
"Warning," the computer said in a feminine voice. "Expected values exceeded."   
  
"Oh heck," said Celeste as the adventurers rode forward into the mists. "Someone must have stowed away."   
  
"Gate's malfunctioned." Amaterasu noted. "Wagon's intact but the people are getting seperated from the vehicle. Expect they'll be scattered when they land. Looks like they'll crash in..."   
  
=========================   
  
The Choose Your Own Fanfic idea, as the voting/feedback has gone so far:   
Who does Grey end up married to?   
1. Usagi Son, the Sailorjin princess, unsteadily stepped out of the shadows.  
2. Queen Serenity (from Skysaber's Choice) regally glided forward, her silver hair shining in the odd light.  
3. One of the non-Senshi from the last timeline: Ami , Haruka & Michiru, Hotaru, Makoto, Minako, Rei, Setsuna, Usagi  
4. One of the Chinese Amazons from the last timeline (further choices) stepped forward warily, wearing a Western style wedding gown?! Azure, Fumika, Sash, Shampoo, Sugar and Spice,Wing   
5. A number of girls egged each other on, gawking at their surroundings, a black cat seeming to herd them forward.  
6. Three elite marionettes built by Sakyo stepped forward, looking around for threats before joining Grey near the Well.  
7. As a small army of assorted girls started wending their way forward, Grey distinctly heard a feline laugh and reminder of his promise.  
8. Edema stepped out, holding up the scroll that was to be his next assignment. (Alone Again, naturally...)  
9. Sasami steps forward and Grey thinks someone must REALLY hate him. Well, at least it isn't Pretty Sammy.  
10. Kasumi the djinn and Nabiki the dao, with a glance towards the Armlet still on Grey's forearm.   
11. Akane Tendo stepped out, causing Grey to develop a sudden migraine.  
12. Ukyo is still pursuing 'Ranma', sort of.  
13.All four of the elementally inclined girls are still linked to the Armlet. (Shampoo, Ukyo, Kasumi, Nabiki)   
  
Usagi Son - 7, Ukyo - 1, Small Group - 5, The 3 Elite Marionettes - 3, Setsuna - 5, Sasami - 7, Rei Hino - 2, Queen Serenity - 2, All the Senshi - 2, Minako- 3, Large Group -8, Kasumi and Nabiki -4, Haruka & Michiru - 1, Four Genies - 7, Alone Again -2, Ami - 6, Akane -3, All the Amazons -1. Rei & Minako -1   
  
Cao Cao's China, or 1774 America?   
  
China - 7, America-14   
  
who goes with him on the Labor?   
1. Minako Aino, after all she's blonde and speaks English.  
2. Nobody, it's dangerous and i should go alone.  
3. Setsuna Meiou, she can pass for European most likely.  
4. Usagi Son is blonde, she might not speak English but i could pass her off as some Nordic country.  
5. Why's Nabiki up there? Doh! i didn't mean! (On the other hand, Nabiki having an effect on the Constitution...)  
6. i thought i'd gotten away from Queen Serenity... no, i didn't mean to choose her! (This is the mother of Princess Serenity from Skysaber's Choice)  
7. Ami Mizuno, she can speak English and likely knows more about American history than i do...  
8. Shampoo ought to be able to handle the HTH stuff for me, and primitive conditions wouldn't be a problem for her.  
9. Ukyo selling okonomiyaki to the Founding Fathers?  
10. You specify.   
  
Shampoo -2, Setsuna Meiou/Sailor Pluto - 8, Queen Serenity - 3, Ami Mizuno- 9, Edema - 2, Nabiki - 5, by himself -1, Minako Aino - 2, Son Usagi -2, Cutey Honey -1.   
  
What would Ami (a non-Senshi Japanese cram student) be likely to shop for when going back to 1774 for a prolonged stay with her fiancee?   
  
1. Camping supplies, it's fairly primitive in 1774  
2. Weapons, it's fairly dangerous in 1774  
3. Ami follows Sailor Pluto's lead to gain a Senshi merger  
4. See what sort of odds & ends she can get at the Rival Relief Office   
  
Camping Gear- 3, Odds & Ends - 8, Senshi ID -8, Ami gets weapons -3   
  
Where does Grey end up?   
1. That Sailor Marionette World... (a Sailor Moon + Sabre Marionette fusion world)  
2. That world of the Knight Senshi fighting the Dark Corporation and their Boomers (Sailor Moon + Bubblegum Crisis fusion)   
3. oh heck, Grey's Shinji Ikari?! (In a Sailor Moon + Evangelion fusion world)  
4. Right timeline, wrong time- they're in feudal Japan!  
5. Right timeline, wrong time- they're somewhere in the Age Of Dinosaurs  
6. Tropical Island, hmmm. This is where Jared wanted them to go anyay... let's leave 'em there for awhile  
7. That world where the pokemon and human roles are reversed and even further polarized...  
8. It's the right place and time? It's a miracle!  
9. They're seperating! Looks like the stress was too much for the wagon. They'll all be thrown into different timelines!  
10. Into Jared Saotome's timeline  
11. A dimensional Nexus point, identity: Aramar.  
12. RIFTS Earth  
13. That world where Senshi and Yoma are all types of Pokemon. (SM+Pokemon fusion)  
14. A timeline where Serena didn't survive her battle with Metal'la. (SM Darkline)  
12. Grey's world of origin  
13. An Eva+SM Fusion, as #3 but Grey is Usagi Ikari?   
  
Real World - 5, World where Serena died -4, Aramar -3, Gilligan's Island -5, PokeSlave world -2, Sailor Marionettes -4, Jared's world -1, Right World -3, SM+EVA fusion -15, Senshi as Knight Sabers -4   
  
  
THIRD LABOR: A paler shade of Grey (Chapter One)  
  
Note that this builds on events in "Skysaber's Choice" and directly follows the events in "Reluctant Bet"  
  
---------  
  
Grey felt things fall apart, the Worldgate shutting down in mid-transport, and did what little he could, gathering Ami and Sasami close with his arms as he used a leg to hook around a support and try to anchor himself. The horses screamed, and there were other screams as well that indicated other people were caught unawares by the vortex.  
  
Something slammed into the back of his head, and Grey loosened from the impact and it felt as if Ami and Sasami vanished in that moment as well as the comforting solidity of the wagon.  
  
---------  
  
"Shinji? Shinji!"  
  
Grey groaned, not wanting this to be confirmed. He opened his eyes to see Misato Katsuragi looking down on him. ~Oh, crap!~  
  
"Shinji! You *are* Shinji Ikari, aren't you?" Misato stood up.  
  
"Certainly looks that way," Grey held up a skinny arm, without any of the callouses or scars he'd had at Shinji's age. Certainly without the muscle he'd developed later, particularly after going through battle training by some particularly sadistic Valkyries. ~Okay, dimensional vortex, and now i've 'leapt' into Shinji Ikari. Best to go along with this until i figure out what to do next.~ "Uhm, you're my contact, right?"  
  
"Captain Misato Katsuragi! C'mon, we've got to get out of here!" Misato jerked a thumb at a 60ft+ tall figure walking away from their position. At that point a shot from a UN Combat chopper struck Misato's car, instantly transforming it from "sports car" to "flaming wreck".  
  
Misato rose up from where she'd ducked behind a bench and whimpered.  
  
"You *did* have Giant Monster Battle insurance on that, didn't you?" Shinji (best to go with the flow) asked as he scratched his head.  
  
Misato whimpered again in reply, staring at the ruin. "...I've still got payments..."  
  
Shinji nodded and took stock: no equipment, no backup, and he was in the physical body of an anemic spineless wimp. This sucked. "Okay, how about calling for alternate transportation?"  
  
"My phone was..."  
  
Shinji winced. "In the car. Right. And the phone lines here are down. Well, that leaves us with only one option, doesn't it?"  
  
Misato kept staring at her car and mumbling about the damage to her bank account.  
  
Realizing he wasn't getting anywhere, Shinji paused. He could *feel* someone's presence. One of the benefits of having your wedding ceremony performed in Asgard by an actual goddess. Even if it *had* been rather crowded and a shotgun affair. Telepathy wasn't possible, not here at least, but he could feel the presence of a wife in THAT direction.  
  
Shinji opened his eyes. "C'mon, Captain, this way."  
  
"But..." Misato eyed the boy as he went walking off with determination. Certainly he carried himself differently than she expected. "...but..."  
  
Shinji smiled as he heard Misato following him. It didn't take long before he found someone sprawled unconscious on the street and ran towards her. Shaking her gently, the girl finally stirred.   
  
"Who's she? Why isn't she evacuated?" Misato was a little surprised but still in shock and going over her monthly payments on a car that had attained the past tense.   
  
Ami blinked, not recognizing the face, but something told her..."Grey?"  
  
Shinji smiled and nodded at Ami's hesitant response, he whispered just loud enough for her to hear: "We'll talk later. Check your purse for identification while I keep Misato there occupied. Then introduce yourself, please follow my lead."  
  
Ami nodded, so Shinji walked back to where Misato was finally coming out of her "I'm financially doomed" trance.  
  
"Well, Captain, what's with the Giant Monster? You obviously know what's going on around here!" Shinji went on the attack, knowing that keeping Misato off guard would buy them some valuable time.  
  
"Hey, I wanted to know who's this girl! And... oh man, how am I going to explain this to the Commander?" Misato winced at the thought of the report she'd end up filing.  
  
"She's with me. We go everywhere together. Now, what's with the Giant Monster? You're not getting either of us until we hear some answers more than that irresponsible deadbeat poor excuse for a father -Gendo Ikari wants to see me. After seeing a Giant Monster from way too close, *i* am supposed to just swallow my questions and go gallivanting off after him. Next thing you know there'll be Giant Robots in a Hidden Base and Secret Plans of World Destruction."  
  
"I don't..." Misato bit off the rest of her reply and went thoughtful. "Actually we're the Last Best Hope For Mankind's Survival."  
  
"That's what they *all* say in the old cartoons." Shinji cocked his head to the side and regarded her. "So you're not denying the Secret Base and Giant Robot stuff? You didn't hit your head when you dove behind the bench, did you?"  
  
"No!" Misato yelled, briefly losing her temper.   
  
"Excuse me," Ami said, easing up to Shinji's side and taking his hand. "I'm Ami Mizuno, you know Grey-chan?"  
  
"'Grey-chan?'" Misato repeated.  
  
"A nickname i got after my horrid excuse-for-a-father, Gendo Ikari, dumped me after he turned my mother into a puddle of goo during an experiment. As you might expect, it was a bit of a traumatic event." Grey smiled at Ami and squeezed her hand. "You ought to call me Shinji just to avoid confusing people."  
  
Ami blushed but smiled herself. "Uhm. Well, I, ah, anyway I'm... Shinji-kun's girlfriend. Here's my ID. When the request for his school records came through, I took the liberty of having my own transferred as well."  
  
Misato's hair was toinging again. "I think I've heard of you... Rits mentioned something about some girl genius transferring to Tokyo-3. That's you?"  
  
"H-hai..." Ami's shyness was returning with a vengeance and she felt the need to lean on something. Naturally, she chose the boy who's hand she was holding.  
  
"But why aren't you in a shelter? It's dangerous out here." Misato winced as the rumble of autocannon in the background punctuated her sentence.  
  
In answer, Ami lifted a keyring out of her purse and punched a button on the side of a 'pillbox' hanging from it. A rental truck flashed its lights in response.  
  
"You're fourteen, and driving?! No no no no NO." Misato held her hand out. "Kids nowadays. Geez! I'M driving. How'd you..."  
  
Ami just shrugged and smiled happily as she leaned against her boyfriend. Using the action to whisper to him. "There's a little diary in my purse. I need more time to read it."  
  
Shinji nodded and whispered back. "It may have to wait. i'll see if we can't drop you off outside of NERV, otherwise they'll probably search your stuff."  
  
Misato found herself wincing. The two were whispering to each other, and she'd seen enough to extrapolate. A couple THAT close and unchaperoned... If they hadn't been sleeping together she'd be *very* surprised and they probably couldn't bear to be apart very long at THAT stage of their relationship. The 'girl genius' showed every sign of having been transformed into a giggly schoolgirl, while the 'pilot' probably wasn't able to think of anything beyond his girlfriend for long periods of time. She wondered what other details were going to pop up and start slapping her in the face.  
  
---------  
  
To Misato's considerable relief, the rental truck had a working phoneline and a call to NERV HQ did manage to go through. The relief was only temporary, however.  
  
Ritsuko's annoyance was quite obvious despite the line static. "What do you mean you're driving a rental truck?! What happened to your car?"  
  
"Uhm, well, it looked like a small missile managed to hit it," Misato tried to laugh about it.  
  
"Did you get the insurance package that covered military actions?"  
  
Misato winced. "Well..."  
  
"Translation: no. Well, did you at least manage to get the pilot?"  
  
Misato's wince was joined by a sweatdrop. "Errr. Yes... he's here with me."  
  
"I hear a 'but' in there."  
  
Misato's sweatdrop was joined by several cousins. "Well... there's kind of a complication..."  
  
Ritsuko's voice dropped slightly. "What *kind* of complication?"  
  
"He brought his girlfriend... or she brought him, or something like that..."  
  
"WHAT?!" Ritsuko's voice was loud enough that it drew curious looks from Shinji (who was otherwise just watching the scenery) and Ami (who had had her nose in a book since Misato had started driving). "What do you mean 'girlfriend'?!"  
  
"Her name's Ami Mizuno, you remember mentioning some girl transferring to Tokyo 3 High School?"  
  
"Mizuno-san?!" Ritsuko's voice lost the edge that had appeared in it. "That's... interesting. I read her term paper on the longrange climatic effects of the Second Impact, and her theories about the dwindling number of children being born- particularly male children. With the scanty data she was able to access, it was quite impressive. Completely wrong, but impressive nonetheless..."  
  
"Something occur to you?" Misato was glad the streets were so deserted, it made driving this ornery thing much easier than it otherwise would have been.  
  
"This is not a secure line," Ritsuko reminded.   
  
"Talk to you when I'm there, then." Misato hung up the phone as they approached a tunnel.  
  
"WHAT THE?!" Shinji yelped. "Ami-chan, does your compact have a mirror?"  
  
"What's the problem?" Misato looked over the boy but couldn't see anything different. His girlfriend, on the other hand, was definitely blushing *again* as she handed him the requested article.  
  
Shinji fumbled it open and stared long enough for Misato to notice.  
  
"Shinji, is something wrong? You didn't get too much sun, did you? With that fair skin, I've bet you've got to be careful." Misato wasn't sure why Shinji had that "punched in the gut" look to him.   
  
"Oh yeah," Shinji nodded. "Albinos like me tend to burn pretty quickly out in the sun..."  
  
---------  
  
Fuyutsuki looked at the report. "So it's happening much as you've planned. Chairman Keele has his hopes pinned on this Human Instrumentality Project (HIP), but SEELE's backup plan..."  
  
Gendo nodded, his gaze never wavering from the geofront view outside his window. "The Genetic Upgrade Test Series (GUTS) is progressing ahead of schedule. So Shinji has been seeing the Alpha unit..."  
  
Fuyutsuki glanced at his superior, not bothering to mention that the Alpha unit had a name. Gendo would use it when he wanted to. Not before.  
  
----------  
  
"Estimate fifteen minutes until the yoma arrives," a female voice announced over the intercom.  
  
Another female voice spoke immediately thereafter. "N2 Mine has successfully destroyed 90% of 'troop' yoma, the General *is* regenerating."  
  
Ritsuko watched the monitor. "Look at that, the boy's being quite protective of his little girlfriend. How... useful."  
  
"Useful?" Maya wasn't quite sure what to make of that comment.  
  
"It gives us a tether by which we can manipulate him," answered Ritsuko absently. "Look at how he's ready to start a fight with that one security guard for copping a feel while frisking Mizuno-san. Despite the guard being quite a bit larger. With territorial instincts like that, we'll be able to get him jumping through any rings we want."  
  
"A guard did what?!"  
  
"Actually he was planting a chempatch onto her skin, the grab was just to distract attention." Ritsuko Akagi pursed her lips and considered the display briefly. "Now we just have to seperate the two of them and we'll be able to get Alpha ready."  
  
Maya blinked. "She's the Alpha unit? What about..."  
  
"Shinji will pilot Unit One. Asuka will pilot Unit Two. Ayanami will pilot Unit Zero. The others all have their own places."  
  
Maya winced. Yes, she had a crush on Ritsuko Akagi, she admired the woman's fierce intellect and ability to pull solutions out of nowhere. That didn't mean that Ritsuko didn't scare the piss out of Maya every so often.  
  
---------  
  
"Mizuno-san will have to stay here, it's too late to get her to a shelter." Misato didn't mention that the security teams were likely going through the packed belongings on the truck with a fine tooth comb right now.  
  
"I don't trust Secret Government Organizations running out of Hidden Bases," noted Shinji with a calm voice, fingering an odd little marble in his pocket. "The prediliction for secretive behavior often copies over into other areas, like hidden agendas and secret plans. Therefore, Ami-chan should stay with me."  
  
"I'll be okay," Ami reassured her boyfriend (that thought sending a fresh blush across her cheeks). "I'm feeling a bit tired, anyway."  
  
Shinji frowned some more but finally nodded. "Okay, if you insist."  
  
"I insist. Go out and save the world or whatever." Ami sat down in one of the plastic "bus station" sort of chairs, ending the argument.  
  
Ami watched the two go off and tried (unsuccessfully) to find a magazine of interest. She finally settled on an old issue of Cosmopolitan and started reading THAT with a fair heaping of guilty pleasure. Especially when the first article she turned to was on how to rate your relationship using the Kinsey-Matsumoto System.  
  
Acting out fantasies was the first question. Maybe if she played Doctor...  
  
She was sound asleep with an odd little grin when the men in dark suits came for her.  
  
---------  
  
Eyecatch #3:  
  
Minako Aino in a framed picture, wearing a skirt and blouse. With a click, the picture turns over and she's wearing a plugsuit. Click/turn. Minako's wearing a Sailor Venus seifuku. Click/turn. Minako's wearing a cheerleader outfit. Click/turn. Minako as a Lodoss style elf. Click/turn, Minako the cute lil' angel.  
  
Eyecatch #4:  
  
Ami Mizuno in a framed picture, wearing a labcoat and stethoscope. The picture turns over with a click, revealing a picture of Amy Anderson as a Vulcan in a Star Fleet science uniform. Click/flip: Sailor Mercury. Click/flip: Ami as a RIFTS Rogue Scientist in a suit of Urban Warrior megadamage armor. Click/flip: Ami as a cute little angel.  
  
---------  
  
Ritsuko, Misato, Gendo, and half the crew from NERV HQ noted the difference between the sulking albino led into the storage bay to the fierce boy ready to do his level best to defend his girlfriend at the security checkpoint.  
  
"Are you sure about this? Isn't there someone better? What about the effect on the environment? Has anyone even *tried* to talk with these yoma?"  
  
"Commander," mumbled Fuyutsuki as he stood behind Gendo, "maybe we *need* Alpha after all."  
  
Gendo smirked (smirk#7) and didn't respond verbally.  
  
Misato, in the bay, pointed towards Unit One. "Get in there, you're a boy you know!"  
  
Shinji blinked at Misato for a moment, then very deliberately, looked down the front of his pants. "Oh my lord! You're right! Well, no sense sending a boy in to do a woman's job. Good luck, Misato, go kill that yoma-thingie..."  
  
Misato blinked as she realized that Shinji was halfway towards the door. "HEY!"  
  
Shinji got to the door, found it wouldn't open, and sighed. Not that easy to get out of this Reality...  
  
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Misato screamed, having absolutely no idea what to do about a suddenly *very* reluctant pilot.  
  
"Shinji. You will pilot Unit One."  
  
Shinji dropped the pretense. "What are you doing to Ami-chan?"  
  
Gendo frowned and it showed in his voice. "The girl is safe. For now. This will not be the case if the Yoma accesses this Geofront."  
  
"Let Ami-chan go and i will pilot Unit One."  
  
"You are not in a position to negotiate," replied Gendo. "Bring the First Child. The spare is proving difficult."  
  
Shinji blinked. ~Waitaminute. If Rei Ayanami is *also* here, then why am *i* a half-angel clone... and of *who*? i certainly don't look like Yui Ikari, Gendo Rokubungi/Ikari, or anyone else in the series i remember.~  
  
The answer was swift in coming, with identical wounds to what he had seen in Evangelion, the figure of Rei was moved through the door by several large officious types. However, her hair and eyes were dark, her skin several shades darker than his own bleached-looking albino skin. Rei was quite obviously a relatively normal human.  
  
The wounds, the bloodstains, the gurney, were all the same from the Evangelion series he'd seen.   
  
"Rei, you must do it again," Gendo's voice echoed over the "waters" of hangar bay.  
  
Rei winced and tried to get up.  
  
Shinji turned his attention towards the observation booth. "I'll pilot it. But I swear on my mother's grave," here he pointed at the Eva unit, "if you do *anything* to Ami I will find a way to hunt you down and kill your sorry ass. And don't forget I *always* keep my promises."  
  
The cold, heartfelt, sincerity in that statement reached a few of the people there. Misato and Ritsuko had absolutely no doubt that the albino was serious. Gendo made plans for finding another pilot immediately, this one appeared to have some will.  
  
Nobody saw him pull a marble out of his pocket, inflate it to the size of a baseball, then release a mountain lion as Shinji got into the entry plug. They just noted his presence in the entry plug and accepted his brief absence from camera view as continued jitters.  
  
---------  
  
In an odd place that combined aspects of a late 70s MIS Department, a garden, and the Starfleet Administration Computer Research Center (she'd worked there once, and discovered that Klingon Warriors could be repelled quite easily with Hello Kitty merchandise) a young-looking goddess frowned and checked her readings. "Oh, fubar!" This was both an assessment and a term of lack of endearment.  
  
"Ama-chan!" Celeste held the button on the intercom down briefly. "Amaterasu! I've done traces on the explosion. Looks like Grey's little red wagon and the horses ended up in Staging Area 3. I've sent Joe to recover them. The problem was caused by Son Usagi's battle aura interfering with the gate process. I *know* she wasn't supposed to go! Yeah. Sixteen. No, I'm not sure."  
  
Celeste listened a little longer. "Because those were just the obvious trails. Look I think the best thing to do is get Grey to accept the marriages as valid. Because THEN he can use the connection there for Similarity & Contagion, and use the bond to trace them to wherever they ended up. Uh huh. Looks like Ami and Sasami are there in the timeline where he landed. Depends on your definition of danger."  
  
Celeste nodded. "Actually they're all genetically engineered beings. SEELE is planning on having them mate with 'Shinji' so as to produce a next stage in human evolution. They call their plan GUTS. Genetic Upgrade Test Series or something like that. No, Makoto is in another timeline, so are Usagi, Minako, Honey, Belle's here merged with her local aspect, Haruka and Michiru ended up in Sky's homeplane merging with their aspects there, Hotaru's in another plane, so is Setsuna. Actually she's not that manipulative in this variant.  
  
"Well, of course they're in trouble. Ayanami and Misato didn't sneak aboard. The four bracer-genies are in the wagon. He's got his weapon-bracers, but what use he can get out of them... No, there *are* local versions of Ami's friends, they're just not the ones who tried to sneak on his Labor."  
  
------  
  
On the monitor, the bridge crew could see Shinji settling back as the LCL rose around him, finally taking a deep breath of the fluid and making a face. "It tastes like blood, it smells like blood."  
  
"Cut it out, you're a boy you know!" Misato fussed at the albino, momentarily forgetting his last reaction to that statement.  
  
"i'd really like to hear Ami's comment on that."  
  
Maya looked up from her board. "General has released soldier-yoma. Actions?"  
  
"Release our soldiers," ordered Gendo, "tell them shoot to kill. They only have to hold them off long enough for Shinji to defeat the General anyway."  
  
--------  
  
Shinji looked at the interior of the Entry Plug with a certain degree of surprise. It more resembled the cockpit of a Gundam unit (later series) than a Evangelion plug that he was familiar with. "Ami-chan..."  
  
"Cut it out, you're..."  
  
"OH SHUT UP!"  
  
Everyone in the bridge stared at the monitor briefly as Shinji lost his temper.  
  
"i DON'T need some criticism from some drunkard washed out military dupe who can't even fix INSTANT RAMEN! Someone whose failed relationship with her high school sweetheart continued to set the pattern of dangerous rebel and self-destructive behavior all her life."  
  
Ritsuko blinked, making a little squeegee noise. "Misato, how does he know you that well?"  
  
Misato turned to her friend with a startled expression. "What?"  
  
"Man, he really nailed you," Makoto Hyuga said thoughtfully.  
  
"Hey!"  
  
"Fuyutsuki. Check our security files and find out how Shinji could have such accurate intelligence on Katsuragi."  
  
"HEY!!!" Several hairs had toinged by this point.  
  
Shinji hadn't stopped talking. "AND you're not getting any younger, you know! What do you think that 'drink till you puke' lifestyle is gonna do?"  
  
"STOP THAT!" Misato yelled at the screen, thoroughly rattled.  
  
"Well *excuse me* Captain Mushroom!" Shinji fussed as he checked the controls. "i'd be a lot less stressed out if you'd let Ami go!"  
  
"Mushroom?" Misato pondered that.  
  
Hyoga volunteered some information. "Means everyone keeps you in the dark and feeds you..."  
  
Maya decided to interrupt. "Registering a synch rate of 52%. 64%. 72%... stabilizing at 74%."  
  
Everyone sweatdropped except Gendo, who merely smirked.  
  
Ritsuko finally gave a low whistle. "Rei's best synch rate so far is 14%, and that was just before her Eva went wild."  
  
"Mushroom?" Misato repeated. There weren't things going on around her she wasn't aware of, were there? She was in the loop, wasn't she?  
  
"Launch Eva Unit One," commanded Gendo.  
  
"Unit One, Launch!"   
  
"I am *not* 'washed out'," muttered Misato.  
  
Aoba looked up at her and temporarily disabled the mike to the Eva. "He's just stressed out about his friend being in detention. Maybe if we put her on voicelink he'll settle down."  
  
"We can't do that in her present condition," Ritsuko said ominously.  
  
"What?! Why wasn't I informed?" Misato looked to her friend for answers.  
  
"Need To Know, Captain, and you don't." Gendo interrupted as the EVA unit sped up the shaft to the streets above.   
  
---------  
  
From a catwalk above the LCL to the bay, from the bay that had contained Unit One to a hallway, something walked.  
  
"A-ka-ne!"  
  
Another security camera became molten metal and cracked plastic as a mountain lion stalked the top secret corridors of NERV.   
  
"WHAT THE?!" A NERV Security agent saw a large carnivore, decided that one of the soldier-yoma had penetrated the security perimeter, and drew his weapon. That was as far as he got before said large carnivore did a head butt attack that sent the agent into dreamland.  
  
Akane considered, lashing her tail about as she pondered. Wandering around aimlessly was no good. Grey (she'd recognized his scent even if the face had changed) had told her that Ami was in trouble and he was counting on her to effect a rescue.  
  
Akane *liked* that. None of this smarmy superior male crap she'd had to put up with from Kuno or the Hentai Horde. No condescending at all. He'd taken her seriously, and asked her to do something really important. Save his girlfriend, that weak little bookworm, if she remembered the briefing right. Oh, and there'd been that video party while they got ready for this mission. She remembered Ami, and Ami smelled like...  
  
Akane sniffed the air. There it was, faint, but it was there. Akane grinned, revealing sharp teeth. Her senses were so acute now, she felt so vital, it was like this form was a drug and she was thoroughly enjoying it. Eventually she'd return to being human, but she was enjoying the enhanced senses, the power and strength of this form.  
  
"Aka." Another burst of flame caused a suite of sensors to curl up into a blackened molten nub.  
  
She didn't have any camouflage abilities, but she could move pretty quietly, and she was quite capable of shredding some of the walls and doors she ran across. And if anyone happened to see her, well, she'd cross that bridge when she came to it.  
  
--------  
  
  
"Where..." Shinji immediately started looking around for the villain, only to notice all the little robot-thingies running around in the street. "What the hey?!"  
  
"Ignore the soldier-yoma, destroying the General will end their threat as well," Hyuga's voice advised in the cockpit.  
  
Shinji blinked as he saw the big guy step out. "Jadeite?! Errr. Where are my weapon systems?"  
  
"You have a progressive knife in the right shoulder. Can you walk?"  
  
Shinji thought about walking. The EVA responded. Shinji thought about giving Jadeite the finger. The EVA responded, then Jadeite responded.  
  
Black lightning shot from Jadeite to Eva, knocking the big purple robot on its butt.  
  
---------  
  
There was silence in the control room for a few moments.  
  
Aoba broke the silence first. "He must *really* be distracted by his girlfriend being held incommunicado."  
  
Hyuga nodded. "Yes, that does appear to be the case."  
  
"That's pathetic," Misato watched as the fallen Eva was being pounded on by the Yoma General.  
  
"Chest plate has just been cracked. Cracks occurring in the faceplate. Right arm broken," Maya kept up a running commentary about the amount of damage being done. "Structural integrity of abdominal wall compromised."  
  
Gendo watched as the broken arm of the Eva unit was ripped out of its socket and the General turned his attention to ripping the chest plate off.  
  
Fuyutsuki sidled a little closer. "Commander. If this keeps up, the Unit and the pilot will be destroyed."  
  
"Eject the entry plug, get that pilot out of there!" Misato commanded.  
  
"The signal's being rejected," Hyuga noted.  
  
"Nerve connections are failing across the board," continued Maya, "synch ratio is plummetting, 45% and dropping. Power cord severed. Pilot's synchrograph is nearly flatline, if I didn't know better I'd think he was in a depressive fugue, but that's not possible in these conditions. Is it?"  
  
Gendo scowled.  
  
"Commander!" Fuyutsuki looked down on the seated Gendo.  
  
"Feed the video of Alpha to the cockpit of Unit One," Gendo reluctantly allowed, "and if anyone asks, I've just left for our Kansai base."  
  
"Do it!" Fuyutsuki waited until the appropriate orders had been given. "Commander?"  
  
"If he chases this misdirection to Kansai, his power will run out," explained Gendo. "We'll have to find a substitute for Shinji after this..."  
  
---------  
  
In the Unit One cockpit, a little videobox opened, revealing Ami. Revealing Ami drugged out of her mind. Revealing the same Security agent as earlier...  
  
---------  
  
"What is that person doing?!" Misato was more than a little upset.  
  
Maya eeked and turned her eyes from the display.  
  
"That's not going to look good in his personnel record," remarked Ritsuko. She glanced up at Gendo. "Isn't that a bit much?"  
  
"If it motivates the pilot, then it is sufficient." Gendo frowned at his subordinate. Was he not the Commander? Dr Akagi publicly questioning his authority was not something he was prepared to tolerate.  
  
Misato twitched as she heard enough to indicate that Gendo had ordered the guard to do this during the transmission.  
  
A bleep returned Maya Ibuki's attention to the console. "Synch rate rising, but..."  
  
"That's odd, it looks like higher brain functions have shut down." Ritsuko began to run an analysis of the readings. "Fascinating."  
  
"He's...." Maya's voice trailed off as the Eva unit braced one finger with another and drove it deep within the eye of the General.   
  
The Eva roared animalistically, and started kicking and punching at the General. When the General's head snapped back, the Eva bit deeply into the neck of the General, causing a fountain of blood to spew.  
  
"Berserker," said Ritsuko.  
  
Maya pulled her wastebasket out and began to spew herself.  
  
"The right arm's regenerated! But that's impossible!" Ritsuko glanced at the synchrograph. "110%! How is this possible?! This can't be!"  
  
"Less than two minutes remaining of power," noted Hyuga.  
  
Disdaining tools, the beast ripped open Jadeite's chest and lifted the still beating heart of the General to its mouth and fed. Maya looked up in time to see this, and was quickly excused to the Ladies room. She was joined by Misato a moment later. She was joined by Hyuga as well, but they quickly ejected him from the Ladies room a moment later.  
  
"That's... pretty gross," indicated Aoba, looking a little green himself.  
  
"Eva is taking in the S2 unit!" Fuyutsuki stared at the screen. "It's too early."  
  
With another roar, Eva slashed Jadeite's head off, snapped his back over one knee, and then threw the Dark General's body down the street where it imploded. Then the Eva turned its attention to the elevator shaft that had delivered it.  
  
"Uhm. If THAT is coming back here..." Aoba's green was rapidly turning pale. The Eva's eyes were glowing, blood spattered its hands and mouth, and its stance definitely indicated that whoever was home wasn't exactly running on all cylinders. "Then, may I ask permission to evacuate?"  
  
"Permission denied. Activate all barriers in elevator shaft nine. DO IT!" Gendo raised his voice slightly for the last.   
  
On the screen, the first barrier came apart like aluminum foil.  
  
"Shinji? Shinji? You can calm down now," Hyuga had returned to his post in time to see the barrier get wadded up and the Eva begin climbing down the shaft. "The General's dead and the minor yoma have vanished. You can stop any time now!"  
  
Eva roared in reply, leapt down the shaft, and began pounding away at the next layer of armor. It immediately started to crack.  
  
"Well, on the good side, he's really got over that indecisiveness problem..." Aoba offered as a quick joke. Nobody laughed.  
  
"How quickly can you get his girlfriend coherent? That might snap him out of it." Fuyutsuki's voice was slightly louder than he intended, he was a little paler than normal himself.  
  
"Barrier three is at 50%," noted Aoba. "Maybe you overdid it a little, Commander."  
  
Unit One ripped another section up and threw it to the side, growling all the while.  
  
"Timer's at zero," noted Hyuga quietly. "Isn't the Eva supposed to stop?"  
  
"It hasn't fully absorbed the S2 unit into itself," Fuyutsuki noted with rising hope, "it's slowing down."  
  
The Eva on the screen held it's hands together as if cupping an invisible ball.  
  
"AT Field is folding in upon itself!" Ritsuko stared at the displays. "The Eva is concentrating its entire AT Field into a single point, feeding the field into a closed loop!"  
  
"Um, I must have missed that class. What does that mean, exactly?" Aoba wasn't too proud to ask for directions, and he certainly felt lost.  
  
"RRRRRRRAAGGGHHHHH!" The Eva on the display roared and the "ball" began flickering into visibility and then up through the spectrum.  
  
"The AT field is increasing in density and power output," Ritsuko noted. "Fascinating."  
  
"Uhm, is this dangerous?" Misato made her way back into the room, followed by Maya.  
  
Eva Unit One released the AT Field missile, which cut through four more layers of armor plate.  
  
"I'd say so," supplied Aoba.  
  
The Eva slowed and gradually came to a stop.  
  
"Get teams up there immediately," Gendo ordered. "Get the pilot out, arrest him, throw him in the brig, and put Unit One in cryostasis before the S2 unit is completely absorbed!"  
  
--------  
  
The Security Guard glanced up, bored out of his skull, when the door to the cell suddenly came apart in neat little one-inch slices.   
  
Akane entered the room, took in the girl mindlessly babbling into some recorder, the guard trying to draw a gun from his holster even as some magazine he was reading fell from his lap, and the presence of recording equipment.  
  
The recording equipment ended up in little slices, a flame burst sent the guard screaming to the floor, and the recorder was left for the moment. Akane's eyes glowed as she regarded the man in front of her.  
  
"It was under orders!" The man backed away. "It wasn't my idea!"  
  
Akane wondered what he was talking about briefly, then looked at Ami's state of undress and the camera. ~Chemical interrogation? And recording all aspects of it? How *dare* they take advantage of such a nice (if overly bookish and terribly naive) girl as Ami? They. Must. Be. Punished!~  
  
-------  
  
The discussion between Ritsuko and Misato (regarding Rei's ability to cover) was cut short as the entry plug of Unit One ejected itself and then burst open.  
  
"Aaaaaa!" Aoba managed. "What the hell is *that*?!"  
  
"A yoma!" Ritsuko gasped and stepped back. "During the attack the General must have infected Unit One!"  
  
Gendo frowned. That was as good an explanation as any, he'd use it.  
  
"Looks more like a dragon to me," opined Hyuga, having played AD&D years ago.  
  
The dragon flickered and vanished from Elevator Shaft Nine.  
  
Ritsuko had had too many shocks lately, and was freaking out. "Where'd he go?"  
  
A roar from directly outside their building answered.  
  
---------  
  
Akane looked up as the lamp began swaying and a shudder racked the building. "Aka?!"  
  
The security guard reached for his weapon, Akane swatted him with a paw, claws retracted. The security guard ceased to be conscious.  
  
Now the pyrolion examined the chair that the girl was tied into. She could cut through the straps without problem, but how to...  
  
"Believe in a sign of Zeta, yappa pai, yappa pai, Miracle Romance..." Ami's babbling abruptly cut off, catching Akane's attention. Ami had gone all stiff.  
  
"Aka? Ne? Ne?" Akane frowned but delicately bit through the steel restraints holding the girl in place. Actually, Ami reminded her of herself. Physically at least. If a bit anemic.  
  
"He's angry. He's been submerged in anger, the nature of the Evangelion units..." Ami's voice was weak.   
  
Akane heard something that sounded like part of the building collapsing and wondered what was going on out there.  
  
---------  
  
Guns blazed as the two security guards began sweeping the dragon before it could get in. Gendo fled, going to an elevator and vanishing as his bridge crew tried to find cover.  
  
Scales began flying off under the barrage, and the dragon reared its head back to blast again with a cone of frost that stopped everything in the bridge. After another moment the dragon shredded three supercomputers and tried to claw its way through the bridge until it shuddered and collapsed.  
  
"Damn," summarized Aoba as he crawled out from under his console.  
  
Fuyutsuki stared at the huge head lying a few feet away from him.  
  
Shinji suddenly realized where he was, what he was, and that he was dying.  
  
"Hold it right there!" Misato held her pistol and pointed it at the dragon's head. "Don't move! You..." Her aim didn't seem too steady.  
  
"Not a yoma. There was no AT Field." Ritsuko pulled herself up and tried to look unshaken. She wasn't successful.  
  
The dragon raised his head and regarded Misato directly. "Beware Gendo. He's planning on starting the Third Impact by... dummy plugs... I..."  
  
The dragon's form slowly shifted, becoming an albino boy whose eyes stared at the floor.  
  
---------  
  
At the moment that Shinji died, Ami shook her head. What had been going on? Where was she? She was a genetic experiment?  
  
Of Akane there was no sign.  
  
---------  
  
"Man, did *i* blow it. Remind me not to try piloting an Eva unit again."  
  
"Uhm, where are we? And why are you a dragon?"  
  
Grey checked himself. "Silver dragon again. Can't seem to shift back. Likely because of the injury level in the last timeline. That and if you're altered significantly in one timeline, you need to fix it before you travel or it'll still be altered in the next."  
  
Akane sniffed the ground. "Aka. Ne."  
  
"Sure, go ahead Akane. We'll stick around here for awhile. Just don't go too far off."  
  
Akane and Ami both stared at Grey.  
  
"Huh?" The dragon considered them. "Oh. My breed of dragon is able to understand most intelligent species. If i'm a dragon, i can understand her."  
  
"Are you okay?" Ami considered the large vaguely reptillian creature before her.  
  
"The wounds aren't bleeding, though the translation to this universe has the injuries as being a day or two old. They ain't pretty though."  
  
Akane snorted at typical male-foolishness and trotted off, she needed to stretch her legs and maybe get some water.  
  
Ami considered the dragon again. "So any idea where we are?"  
  
"It feels familiar, but I don't immediately place it," Grey announced. "Hmmm. I seem to have downshifted in age categories."  
  
"Age categories?" Ami decided she was going to examine his wounds while talking to keep the dragon distracted.  
  
"Yeah. Just like humans go through age categories like baby, infant, adolescent, etc, so do dragons. Ours is a bit different than yours though. If i'm guessing right from your relative size, you're normally just over five feet in height, right?"  
  
Ami winced at the chewed scales and flesh that marked a line from Grey's "collarbone" down to the abdomen. "Five feet, four inches." She paused as something about his speech patterns penetrated.  
  
"Well, i'm looking, and i think i'm about ten or twelve Ami-lengths. Add another four Ami-lengths for the tail. That means i'm a 'adolescent' in dragon terms." Grey winced as Ami probed the wound. "Do you mind? That's rather sensitive. This is a problem in that i wouldn't have the full range of clerical spells i'm used to."  
  
"Is that a big problem?"   
  
"Yeah, it looks like i can only access third level spells and below. Which is a problem if those dragons over there keep coming closer."  
  
Ami looked. "Those birds?"  
  
"Dragons who normally hunt in the air have greater visual acuity than a land-dragon or a human." Grey made a grumbling noise. "If this is where i think we are, remain really close to me."  
  
Ami watched the "birds" get closer and resolve into dragons, though different in shape and color than Grey. They landed a short distance away and seemed to regard Grey with suspicion.  
  
"What do you here, silver?"  
  
"i rest from battle most strenuous, and given rest will fly on without harm to your lands. i am but a travelling priest."  
  
"Battle, silver?" The lead red said in a questioning tone. "With what?"  
  
"Humans who would be dragonslayers. i escaped, and did their castle grievous harm."   
  
"Humans? Where? I see no humans, silver."  
  
"They don't like humans?" Ami realized she'd blurted that out, and the way the other side was looking at her, she didn't think that drawing attention to herself had been wise.  
  
"A human? HERE?!" The lead red dragon snarled at Grey. "What do you think you're doing, bringing HUMANS into our territory!"  
  
"The human is my bonded Kindred," Grey replied. "She accompanies me."  
  
The lead red was prepared to argue when one of the other dragons nudged him and whispered something to him. The leader blinked, stared at Ami, then back to Grey and slowly began to smile.  
  
"Well, well," he chuckled a moment later. "I'd always heard you Silvers were into some kinky stuff. Bet you couldn't do anything like THIS in your own aeyrie, eh?"  
  
"Hmmm?" Grey was momentarily lost but was willing to go with the flow if that meant Ami wasn't eaten.  
  
"Playing a little game with your mate using polymorph, eh?" The red leader started laughing out loud now. "The (hee hee) terrible Dragonslayer (bwah hah) and the (snicker) poor dragon victim (snort)! No doubt using her (snicker snort) 'special attacks' to (hits the ground laughing uncontrollably) 'dominate' the dragon and (starts crying from laughing so hard) have her way with him..." At this point the red leader wasn't the only one laughing and many of the other dragons were at least openly snickering.  
  
"Well, that's not quite it," said Grey, managing an embarassed look, "she's not a dragon, at least at the moment.  
  
This, of course, convinced the rest of the dragons that their leader was right and they all began laughing themselves silly about it. Especially when the mage among them remembered something about how some of the metallic dragons used their transforming ability only to get "stuck" in their other shape and not be able to transform back. Many suggestions and speculations followed.  
  
The leader recovered enough to notice a tiny little creature come running up to where the "human" stood, then vanish into a gem or something in the female's hand. "What's your name, O Perverted Silver?"  
  
"Grey," said Grey.  
  
"Well, Grey, you're on Bloodtide Isle about six hundred wyrmlengths from the city of Malice. If you go that way, you can keep your perversions away from decent red dragons. Though wait'll I tell the boys in the barracks about this...(hee hee hee)."  
  
Taking as much of his dignity as he could, Grey lifted Ami to a point just behind his skull and advised her to hold onto the spikes back there. Then he lifted off, hearing another roar of laughter as further jokes were made at his expense.  
  
"Uhm, do you know where we are now?" Ami gripped as tightly as she could, her face quite red from some of the suggestions that had been made about their relationship.  
  
"This is the land known as Io's Blood, where dragons are relatively civilized and rule over the lesser races. Humans are all but unknown, as humans have the ability to become a feared thing called a DragonSlayer." Grey took the flight as easy as he could, knowing that Ami had no saddle or experience. "We're currently flying over Bloodtide Isle, which is red dragon territory. Reds are not nice people, by the way. We're heading over towards the lands ruled by silver dragonkind, if i'm right."  
  
Ami spent a lot of time in silence, considering carefully. The rocky ground below them turned to swamp, which turned to ocean, which eventually became a beach again. Finally, she thought she had the right idea. Why had they been so convinced that she was a dragon? Because of that 'dragonseed' she'd heard mentioned, no doubt. Which meant that...  
  
Grey felt a moment of panic as the tiny weight of Ami vanished from his head. He immediately wheeled and looped around, his eyes scanning for the tiny form that should be falling to her doom.  
  
And collided with another form in midair that was slightly smaller than he was. The two fell in a tangle, crashing to the sand dunes below them.  
  
Grey's nostrils twitched at a bewitching scent and he opened his eyes to behold a picture of loveliness. Her scales were a waterfall of gleaming silver, her head-spines slender and refined, her limbs and tail the very picture of feminine delicacy. That she was sprawled rather inelegantly in a heap was beside the point.  
  
"Ouch," said the strange dragon in a voice that was nonetheless familiar as she uncoiled.  
  
"Ami?" Grey stared. Her wings were so delicately tapered, with a hint of deep blue along the vanes, while her claw webbing had that iridiscent feminine sheen. Her scent hit him like a blast of lightning, rich and feminine.  
  
"Grey?" Ami stared herself. He made quite a handsome dragon now that she was looking with draconic eyes herself. His scent filled her nostrils, and she found it oddly exciting. She found herself taking off and looping in the air, Grey following as instincts took over.  
  
He moved, she moved. He quickly found a thermal- cleared bare rock heated by the sun which caused the air above it to rise. He swirled lazily into it, the female pursuing and then slipping around and over him.   
  
He half-furled wings and flared his "light" - the magical aura that allowed such a massive creature to float as easily as a seagull. Ami swerved closer as she rode the "bow-wave" circling her larger partner, acting on instincts she hadn't possessed a few minutes ago and letting her own light flare.   
  
The pulsings of that magical light began to synchronize as the two dragons circled each other and steadily rose within the thermal.  
  
Some nearby silvers noted that two others were initiating a mating flight and sat back to watch until their superior told them to give the lovebirds some privacy.  
  
The two finally pulled out, beginning another phase as Ami became the center of another aerial ballet, though the larger dragon was slower and more clumsy than the female. Almost but not quite touching, the two glided to a clumsy landing, both in the grip of set of behavior that was ancient and engraved in the dragon's racial memory.  
  
Ami went to all fours, flattening her wings against her body, then roared to the sky with a blast of frost. Grey answered similarly and moved closer. Ami lowered her neck, Grey moved his own so that their head-spines briefly touched.   
  
"WHOA! Major bad timing!"  
  
A burst of cold water would not have been more sobering. The two were shocked into awareness of what they had done when a blaze of light appeared before them, solidifying as a 3x lifesize hologram of a human-looking woman.  
  
"Ahem, well, I'm kinda sorry I interrupted now..."  
  
Even though Ami was a dragon, she still managed to look embarassed.  
  
"Celeste? What the heck happened?" Grey looked at the sort of landscape damage that had occurred from a 54 foot long and a 45 foot long pair of dragons without a lot of experience landing. "Wait a minute, we didn't... did we?"  
  
"Dragons have their seasons and instincts too, and Grey you should know that your default form is a dragon at present. Though, no, you didn't actually mate. Just all the normal things leading up to it. Back to the shapes: the angelform, humanform, and cyborg shell are all dependent on which universe you're in, and they're overrides. Right now in any universe where there is a close match to your type of dragon, that's what you'll be. Ami is your mate, and got a dragonseed, so if she's in a universe where you're a dragon - she will be too. Same type too, and it oddly fits her: scholarly type with a frost breath weapon. Thor wants to know if you two are available for parties. (He's always running out of ice.)" Celeste shook her head. "Kids nowadays, I tell you."  
  
"So we both basically went into something like the Vulcan *pon farr*? Geez. And how come i lost age categories?"  
  
"They were swiped from you to form the dragonseeds." Celeste shrugged. "So you're a teenager again. Deal with it. You're still a silver dragonpriest, and since you're of Etragar, that means you've got to deal with his weapons restrictions. Better learn an unarmed style of combat."  
  
"i'm not *too* bad with a staff, but you're right," grumbled Grey. Dragons could grumble particularly well. "Most of what i know is *armed* combat."  
  
"Now are you ready for the rest of the bad news?" Celeste paused until both dragons craned their heads closer. She had to admire them, they really were quite attractive - regal looking in fact. "The other brides tried to tag along. The gate might have handled it anyway, but Son Usagi's power level was quite enough to destabilize that." Celeste listened to something going on outside the holocam's range. "Thor wants to know if Usagi would like to wrestle sometime. Sif's objecting to the entire concept."  
  
Both dragons nodded at the sounds of off-camera violence.  
  
"So i need to go pull them out of where they are?" Grey guessed.  
  
"We," corrected Ami, craning her long neck closer, not entirely sure what to make of this newest development.  
  
"Got it in one," agreed Celeste.  
  
================  
  
the Eva timeline was cut short to avoid any comparisons/parallels with Skysaber's Otaku Rising chapter 2.   
  
The votes were:  
  
1. The usual Senshi-candidates are the idummy plugs/i in this timeline.  
2. The usual Senshi-candidates are part of an attempt to genetically engineer a next stage in human evolution. Ami has an enhanced intellect, etc. The GUTS plan by Seele has them mating to produce a superior human race whose development they can guide.  
3. The usual Senshi-candidates are actually ifatima/i and are necessary processing units to run an Evangelion.  
4. Since the Second Impact in that world, 80% of the world's male population and 40% of the women died. Ami is Shinji's first girlfriend, but he has others as you might expect.  
5. The usual Senshi-candidates are power-armor pilots who take care of the smaller yoma while the big General/Angel/Yoma is fought by the Eva unit.  
6. I haven't been able to make bany/b sense out of this Timeline. It looks like Ami's his girlfriend, but I don't see any sign of the rest of the usual Senshi-candidates.  
7. The usual Senshi-candidates are actually the yoma, and Ami is filling Kaoru's role.  
8. The usual Senshi-candidates are actually unawakened Senshi in this timeline.  
  
Senshi are Dummy Plug Inserts - 1, Senshi are genetically engineered New Types - 7, Senshi are fatima - 2, Senshi are girlfriends in a man-poor environment - 4, Senshi in Power Armor -1, Senshi are missing - 1, Senshi are Yoma - 1, Senshi are Senshi - 4  
  
  
Go for next:  
1. Usagi, at the Tenkaichibudokai in a Dragonball setting...   
2. Makoto Kino, who ended up in a Sabre Marionette timeline.   
3. Minako Aino, who is either in Lodoss  
4. Minako Aino, currently a freighter pilot/gunner in the Rebellion against the Empire.   
5. Rei Hino, who is currently in RIFTS - Kyoto in the New Empire.   
6. Setsuna Meiou is a Vulcan science officer who is assigned to researching the Guardian Of Forever.  
7. The bleak human vs robot future of the Terminator movies, where a young warrior named Haruka Ten'nou tries to survive each day.   
8. Something else that you can think of.   
9. Usagi is in a SM/Cutey Honey fusion timeline, as Cutey Moon  
10. MM Xover This could only happen with Sky's permission, but one or more of the worlds he's written of and then abandoned is where one or more of the tagalongs end up. Such as the world where Moongirl is a Batman-esque defender of Justice.  
  
Usagi at the Tenkai -3, Makoto in SMJ -4, Minako as a Lodoss elf -2, Minako in Star Wars -4, Rei in RIFTS -0, Setsuna in Star Fleet -1, Haruka in the Terminator future -1, Cutey Moon -2, Mirrors Multiplied Xover -1, the Senshi as dragons -1, All the Senshi as being Cutey Honey style androids -1  
  
  
  
while i think the experiment was largely a success, the "Choose Your Fanfic" feedback system is on hold until i get this monster more under control.  
  
  
THIRD LABOR: chapter two (prologue) Silver tidings/Golden dreams  
  
various universes/characters by other people.   
other stuff the fault of gregg sharp  
  
Silver light glowed into being, resolving as four bodies briefly appeared, then the darkness was held back by the glowing flames that marked the tail of one of the four.  
  
"Hang on, we'll switch the reactor back on and be set to go in a half hour or so." Grey turned on a lantern, which made a bit more light than Akane's tail.   
  
"Aka ne ne." Akane voiced her disapproval. All she could smell was metal and plastic, and that damn Irish Spring that Grey had been using lately. Oh, and some lavender stuff that Sasami and Ami had started using, but it wasn't as VILE as the soap Grey was using. Ick.  
  
"Where exactly are we?" Ami looked around at the metal room, noting the patches and discolored sections of metal, the tubes and hoses lining the corners, the odd boxes with their yellow and black markings.  
  
"Repair Bay One. It's used for speeders, hovercraft, just about any kind of personal vehicle. Or did you mean the ship. It's the last one i had when i visited this timeline, the 'Dewclaw' - a Lu class repairship that goes out to various ships in space and repairs them, does a bit of salvage, occasionally ferries passengers."  
  
"It's a spaceship?" Sasami looked around. "It's kinda..."  
  
"You're used to Juraian treeships and a higher class of living, Princess Sasami. This is a working vessel used in an entirely different timeline using technology that's a bit grittier than you're used to." Grey patted a wall affectionately before leading them out into the corridor.  
  
"That's actually, uhm, what I meant," Ami spoke quietly, noting the oppressive stillness was making her a bit nervous. It reminded her of *way* too many SF Horror movies. Not that she watched them.  
  
Grey shone his lantern about, peering into the darkness."Since i've been here before, i'm using my old identity. i'm Grey, owner/operator of the 'Dewclaw' - like i said, this is essentially a mobile drydock/repair bay. The Death Star was destroyed six months ago and the Emperor is dead."  
  
"So this goes after 'Return of the Jedi'," remarked Ami, briefly surprising Grey. "I *do* get away from my studies occasionally."  
  
"Right," Grey nodded and smiled an apology. "So the Empire is without a single head right now, more a lot of little governors each of whom claim to be the 'rightful successor' to the throne and each is trying to claim as much space as they can. Tensions are actually higher, and pirates and the like are taking advantage of the confusion. Many of the Rebellion have bailed, as the Emperor is dead, though the Empire's bureaucracy is still trying to run."  
  
"Something like Japan's 'Warring States' period then," commented Ami, still nervously trying to look in all directions. She couldn't even see her companions clearly still.  
  
"You got it," Grey jerked his thumb towards a side corridor in which large plastic barrels could be seen. "Technology's a polyglot. Ancient vanished civilizations, the Makers for one, have some really advanced tech contributed. There's also a number of civilizations which developed their own tech, so not everything's compatible. And then there's the Force. My record here indicates i'm a minor league force-sensitive though a heckuva long way from being a Jedi. Sasami's chi levels will have her recognized as a *major* force sensitive. Though neither of you have any records as of yet. When we get to a starport, i've got a databurster guaranteed by Celeste that'll register you two with whatever identities you want."  
  
Ami continued to get progressively more nervous as shadows shifted with each movement of Akane's tail.  
  
Akane glanced up at the girl. "Ne Ne. Aka NE." (You're making *me* nervous NOW!)  
  
Grey tapped a touchplate, putting in a long series of numbers. A door opened with a loud crunk.  
  
"AAAHHHH!" Ami jumped at the sudden noise, her hair sticking up.  
  
"AAAHHHH!" Akane sent a burst of flame at what had startled her. Unfortunately this was Ami. Sasami jumped, ending up 12 feet up and clinging to the ceiling. Grey, ready for the door but not a pair of screams, had turned and was looking for whatever was attacking.  
  
Grey holstered his blaster, grumbled, and went into the room. A moment later lights began flickering on in the hallway.  
  
"What a piece of junk," summed up Sasami, being unusually blunt as she landed on the floor.  
  
"It's supposed to be," answered Grey from inside the room. "This vehicle is for anyone out of the RRO or similar Celestial agencies. If it looked *nice* it would be targetted by thieves."  
  
An odd vibration started going through the deck, and Ami noted with relief that the air began moving.  
  
"Okay, life support and power are back on. Systems will come fully online in another fifteen or twenty. If you'll come this way... Something wrong?" Grey stopped when it was obvious that the three others were stuck staring at each other.  
  
"AMI-CHAN?!" Sasami squeaked.  
  
"Welcome to a non-anime universe," said Grey. "Both of you look like humans of Asian ancestry. Perfectly normal."  
  
"B-bu-but..." Ami dove for a compact and squeaked on seeing the difference in herself.  
  
"Don't worry about it, you look fine. Quite cute, in fact." Grey was being quite honest, walking along the corridor so that the two had to follow. "Black hair and dark brown eyes are normal for a Japanese girl, though you're still a bit pale."  
  
"But my eyes are so..." Ami tried to quantify the overall changes. She looked so *alien* but still like herself somehow. Her eyes weren't round, they didn't quite sparkle the same way, and they weren't blue. These were brown eyes, almost almond shaped, and not nearly as big as she was used to.  
  
"They're perfectly normal Japanese eyes. Hmmm. Actually this might make good training before we get to the mission in that regard. That *also* is not an anime universe."  
  
"Hmmm," Sasami said, examining herself. "My hair's shorter and I'm thinner, but I don't feel any different."  
  
"You look like a young Asian girl. Though here in Empire space, that means you come from Cathin, Wu, or Setooine. i'd recommend Wu for both of you. Wu is a bit isolationist, mainly composed of farms and very provincial villages. It's a rough and tumble world, known for all sorts of nasty carnivorous beasties which tend to rip the weak and unwary apart at an early age. Particularly as the local leaders only allow their own servitors to own weapons more advanced than simple knives. Not a planet anyone will regard as a threat, but anyone who survived living on that world and that managed to escape is going to be thought of as either having connections or being fairly dangerous themselves."  
  
"Oh my," Sasami commented, catching a look at herself in a mirrored panel as they passed it.  
  
"These ladders lead to the gun blisters, standard on a lot of vessels that had to run blockades or operate in dangerous areas." Grey pointed at the two ladders, the righthand one leading up, the left leading down. "Top hardpoint is a pulse laser. i'd really like you two to use a simulator program and make yourselves familiar with its operation. This ship isn't terribly fast as things go and so we may end up in a running battle. Bottom hardpoint is a high energy blaster. Don't use the blaster if we're being observed by any authorities, it's something i cobbled together and packs a bit more punch than is strictly legal."  
  
Ami and Sasami looked down the tube to the bottom hardpoint before realizing that Grey was continuing on.  
  
"This corridor has five bunkrooms. Choose the one you want, they're all the same. Over here is the galley and kitchen. This corridor leads to the main hatch and docking controls. An extensible web forms a sort of drydock partition that can be used to moor and protect a ship while repairs commence." Grey continued on. "Bridge is this way. Lifepods are down these chutes. You'll notice there are five. Each pod can take three people. Normally, though, the ship has a crew of five. One can run it, but not as well as five."   
  
"I see." Ami wondered if there was some point to all this. "We're just going in after Minako and then back out again, right? So we won't need any of this, right?"  
  
"Ami, when has anything in my life gone as planned?"  
  
-----------  
  
A week later, Ami had reason to regret her earlier statement. "I picked up some protein-wafers at the..." Her voice trailed off as Sasami made a shushing gesture.  
  
Holding his hands over a palm computer, Grey was casting 'Augury' again as he had once a day since entering this universe.  
"Spirits of light and servants of good,  
Spirits of metal and plastic and wood,  
Advise me now on my simple task,  
Truth that lies 'neath confusion's mask,  
In this starport controlled by Hutt,  
Is there where Minako's shut?"  
  
Ami blinked as the display on the palm computer altered to green. "We found her?!"  
  
Grey continued concentrating. In *this* universe, he'd learned he could ask up to four questions. And as it had to be a yes/no question, he had to be careful of the wording.  
  
"So that we may our friend soon see,  
I ask the second: is she free?"  
  
Ami suppressed a groan as the palm computer's display went to red.  
  
"My third question, i seek to know,  
Is fourth level where i must go?"  
  
Sasami gasped as the display turned green again. The fourth level was a rather unsavory marketplace, overseen by the Hutt. As the Hutt were a race of interstellar gangsters whose culture emphasized ruthlessness and profit over all, this was not a good thing.  
  
Ami clicked on a display of the fourth level, noting aloud that there was one major place to purchase slaves, and four which served a lesser clientele.  
  
"Fourth question is now the thing,  
Minako's jailers, on outer ring?"  
  
The display remained green. Ami noted that the outer ring, cheaper because the traffic wasn't as great, had two of the shops. 'Luftwig's Exotica' carried darn near anything. 'Dzz'kk's Sundries' was cheap and disreputable. "Should I carry the lightsaber?"  
  
"No, just blasters." Grey took a deep breath. "Sasami, do you want to stay here? It's not exactly a nice neighborhood."  
  
Sasami smirked and formed a ball of chi over her hand. "I can take care of myself, and you still have that weapon restriction, remember?"  
  
Ami frowned, not liking having to have a gun, but here it was a required item of dress.  
  
"Why don't you stay here, Ami?" Grey offered. She'd gotten ill during their first check of the station's less savory levels. The first level was relatively tame. Further in, the influence of the Hutts became more obvious. At least with the first level there was a veneer of civilization. "That way if we need to launch immediately, you can have the engines primed."  
  
Ami nodded, grateful she wouldn't have to go down there again, though it shamed her a bit that Sasami could handle the atmosphere down there better than she could. Of course, since Sasami had made that wish that gave her a power level equivelant to a Sailorjin, Sasami wasn't exactly a helpless kid either.  
  
-------  
  
Eyecatch #5:  
  
A framed picture of Usagi Tsukino, wearing her school uniform. The picture turns over with a click, revealing a picture of Son Usagi - the Sailorjin princess. Click/flip: Sailor Moon. Click/flip: Usagi as a playboy bunny. Click/flip: the five year old from Skysaber's Choice. Click/flip: Usagi panicking in the cockpit of a Gundam unit. Click/flip: Usagi as an angel (tripping over a cloud).  
  
Eyecatch #6:  
  
A framed picture of Kiyone in her Galaxy Police uniform. The picture turns over with a click, revealing a picture of Kiyone in jeans and workshirt, with a Pikachu on one shoulder that is giving a "V" sign. Click/flip: Kiyone in a gi, Ed (Pikachu) in a matching gi at her feet, both of them in identical martial arts poses. Click/flip: Kiyone's dressed as a Southern belle, with a very diminuitive Rhett Butler at her feet. Click/flip: Kiyone's sitting on a cloud, while Ed's holding a fake halo by a wire over her head.  
  
------  
  
"Yes, we have just such thing," said the odd lumpy being behind the counter. "We get shipment in just few day ago." It flicked a switch.  
  
Sasami gave an involuntary gasp.  
  
Grey winced. "I see. Not much meat on them. Any useful skills?"  
  
The lump considered what little he knew of human facial expressions, also human aesthetics. Not much in either case, though some things were nearly universal. The little one (a larva?) was showing distress. The big human was sneering, which was an expression shared by 127 different races. "They hotwire spacecraft. Big bad. Now on auction block. You buy, I sell? Or you want different group, more skill? I got that too!"  
  
"Well, they're..." Grey checked out the proprietor, realized that it was one of those species that gave birth to hundreds of young and then had a feeding frenzy. Children were not considered valuable. "They're just kids, but I might be able to train them to something useful. How much?"  
  
"How much you got?" The lump twitched, sensing a sale.  
  
Sasami frowned as the dickering got underway. Grey making a vast number of statements showing his contempt for the six figures, as well as how much money he'd spend clothing, feeding, and training the "raw material". The odd collection of lumps and hairy warts was arguing back that they were worth more than that as meat animals, that they didn't take that much room, and they were thin - so how much food could they intake? Besides, he had an interested buyer from another spaceport that could use waitresses.  
  
Finally the deal was concluded, though both sides argued about how the other was robbing them blind, and Grey waited for the girls to be brought in.  
  
"Do we have enough money for this?" Sasami whispered.  
  
"Barely," confided Grey. "We'll have to sell the speeder to make the docking fees, and we'll be eating nutripaste for the foreseeable future."  
  
"Yechhhh," summed up Sasami.  
  
"Here is, we do deal?" The warty being brought the girls, hustling them forward.  
  
"What are those collars?" Sasami asked innocently, trying not to look at a number of otherwise naked teenagers. This was embarassing.  
  
"Slave collars," said Grey absently, trying not to react in any obvious way to the girls, "if they go too far from the control it zaps 'em. If a button on the controller is pressed, it zaps 'em, if a wearer moves too fast, it zaps 'em. Painful electrical jolt. Unfortunately fairly common."  
  
"You look? These meet standards?" The slaver indicated the girls.  
  
Grey didn't want to create any ripples, so inspected the girls' teeth and eyes, checked under the collars and tsked about the amount of burns, and finally went back to (apparently) grudgingly admit that these were suitable.   
  
One of them stared at him briefly, then finally spoke. "You... I know you.".  
  
The slaver held a hand out, stopping the transfer of credits. "Is relative yours human?"  
  
"Is this some kind of trick to up the price!" Grey growled at the lumpy being. "Are the credits good or NOT!"  
  
"Hi, I'm Sasami!" Sasami immediately tried to distract the blonde. The rest was spoken much quieter. "You really don't want to do this now."  
  
"...but...I know HIM...." Life began flooding into the girl's face.  
  
The lump looked back and forth momentarily, then pressed a button which summoned several wardroids from their alcoves. "Oh, I forget to add extra amount for..."  
  
Grey snarled, this time for real. He pointed at the nearest wardroid.  
"Metal born in fiery burn,  
Now to that state return!"  
  
Glowing hot, the wardroid came apart as internal circuits fried and then the batteries exploded.  
  
"You... you're not a Jedi..." the lump attempted to move away from this crazy fellow. After all, if the wardroids opened fire now he'd be hit himself. "A Jedi would never buy slaves and they'd never use the Force to destroy things like that..."  
  
"i never said i was," agreed Grey, letting the other fill the blanks.  
  
The lump flattened slightly. "A Sith?!"  
  
Grey never agreed. He didn't disagree either. "Sasami, the droid that's aiming on me from the right. Do it."  
  
"Okay!" Sasami chirped, drew chi, and reduced the wardroid to metal shards. Also putting a basketball sized hole through the wall.  
  
"i've heard, that with the Sith, there are always two," darkly hinted Grey. "And if a Sith Lord found out about certain individuals spreading news of his identity..."  
  
"No, My Lord. Your credits are *quite* good here!" The lump was quick to restart the transaction, and he actually turned a pitying gaze towards the females. Fully aware of how much damage a Sith Lord and his apprentice could do to him personally, and his shop, the slaver immediately made the wardroids stand down and finished the transaction without further delay.  
  
The lump waited until the Sith and his apprentice were gone before sending a report off about the new powers in town.  
  
---------  
  
Akane sat on the ramp to the 'Dewclaw' and watched the worlds go by. There was a boskun, and there a protocol droid, and there a kaolinite, and there a (sniff sniff) kaibur who'd had too much to drink.  
  
This was fascinating to her, someone who had once thought of Nerima Japan as an odd place and for whom that had pretty much been her world. Now her ears flicked about as she listened to the buzz of alien conversations, her nostrils flared as strange otherworldly scents were brought to her on the errant breezes generated by foot and vehicular traffic. Her eyes, less color sensitive but better at seeing things in low light levels, were particularly good at picking up movement.  
  
So the ebb and flow of traffic on Loading Bay 5, Outer Ring, was endlessly fascinating to the former girl. Her senses gave her information a human would have overlooked. So she knew full well that it was Ami coming up behind her.  
  
"Aka neeee."  
  
Ami checked her palm-sized computer and read the display. "Explosions? Are you sure?"  
  
"Aka ne ne A." (That and blaster fire and, if I don't miss my guess, ki blasts.)  
  
"Oh dear, I'd better start the engines up then." Ami looked out across the docking area. "I thought they were going to stay out of trouble."  
  
"Akane ne. NE." (The operative term, my dear Ami, was TRY.)  
  
Ami looked up from her translator. "Oh, I suppose you're right."  
  
Akane looked back at the girl as she re-entered the ship. ~Nice girl, though she tends to overthink situations.~ Akane's ears flickered at a closer set of explosions. ~Dang! Sounds like a major battle going on!~  
  
Grey was the first to round the corner, running as if his life depended on it. With him came six naked young girls. ~Pervert~ Akane started, then realized she recognized the crew. ~Hmmmph. I'll bet THIS is an interesting story.~  
  
Sasami became obvious a moment later, flying literally around the corner, then stopping in midair to begin building a chi blast in between her hands.  
  
Then one of the warehouses came apart as a huge Mobile Suit kind of thing crashed through and started reaching for Sasami who darted and dodged and threw the chi blast at the Suit. Unfortunately she missed, the blast shot through the remains of the warehouse, and a bunch of approaching sirens abruptly stopped blaring.  
  
"Pfeh," said Akane, knowing full well that the cops here were literally owned by the gangsters.  
  
As Grey approached he managed to gasp out a request and motion the girls forward. "Akane, please help Sasami. Burning torpedo."  
  
Akane grinned and moved from lying down to a full run in a single sinuous movement, flames forming an aura around her as she ran. The flames increased in intensity as she leapt and Akane briefly formed a comet that flew over startled aliens and exploded against the hard armored plates of the robot vehicle.  
  
Grey continued into the ship. "All of you, over there." He gestured towards the dining area with one hand, touching a comm-panel with the other. "Ami, why aren't the engines up?"  
  
Sasami flitted into the airlock, followed by a bruised looking (but satisfied) Akane. Sasami keyed the door closure as energy blasts could be heard taking apart pieces of the 'Dewclaw'.  
  
Another shudder indicated the engines at last coming on-line and the ship lurched as someone threw it into first gear. Another series of explosions on the outside of the ship was followed by what sounded like pieces of ship falling off and breaking glass.  
  
In the cockpit, Grey was doing something he frequently did. Panicking. "What do you mean you didn't read the manuals! You're always reading!"  
  
"Well...." Ami managed to look embarassed. "The physics in these things are completely wrong, there's no way they could work! I just..."  
  
Grey gear-shifted to second, putting the autopilot to the setting of 'get the heck out of here' that he'd programmed for just such an emergency. Since the 'Dewclaw' handled like a heavily loaded eighteen-wheeler under the best of circumstances, they wallowed but were slowly picking up speed. "Never mind, get up to the top turret and start firing. That Mobile Suit is coming after us and it's a *lot* faster than we are."  
  
Ami winced. "Well, I..."  
  
Grey's face went flat. "You never ran any of the simulators, did you?"  
  
"...no..."   
  
Grey sighed. "We're doomed. Okay, *try* to use the top turret, *please* Ami. And don't let your duplicate come into physical contact with you."  
  
"Duplicate?"  
  
"Duplicate, Doppelganger, native Analogue," Grey pointed a thumb back to the rest of the ship. "We picked up the native versions of not only Minako, but you, Makoto, Rei, Usagi and Hotaru. I'll explain later as we need to..." A light began blinking on the console. "Who's using the *rear* turret?!"  
  
----------  
  
Minako/Vena rotated the turret with its odd weapon towards the pursuing ship and small cloud of snubfighters just beginning to launch. Fingers danced over the control surface, bringing power up and noting that she only had six shots with this thing. It showed an external capacitor that was fed by the main reactor and recharged slowly. How odd.  
  
Minako drew upon her native self's skills and targetted the looming giant robot vehicle, pulling the trigger.  
  
The blast slammed into armor plate that had been weakened by Sasami's earlier fight and shattered. The 'chest' of the robot was neatly holed, and the blast continued onwards, striking the spaceport behind it. A fairly sizable explosion resulted. The Vena part of Minako deduced that someone had figured out a way to put a planetary defense blast cannon on a starship, and that the capacitor was to keep gun's firing from burning out the engines or stalling the vehicle as all its energy was transferred to a single weapon system.  
  
Minako sent three more discharges towards the cloud of snubfighters, taking out three vehicles that had probably seen service in the Clone Wars. The remainder continued forward, scattering around the ungainly repairship and raking it with lasers.  
  
----------  
  
"Ami..." Grey bit his lip, trying not to say anything that would further upset the girl who was wincing at explosions and fire alarms.  
  
"I... can't." Ami stared at the console. "There are people in those things... I..."  
  
"We can't take the whole group with us," Grey felt obliged to point out. "You didn't have this problem in China, did you?"  
  
"But they could have gotten away," Ami said in a low voice, "these people are in space. Some may be slaves themselves."  
  
The ship shuddered again. Grey reminded himself that Ami was just a sixteen year old girl. Maybe she'd been through a lot during the China campaign, and maybe she was a genius juku student, but she was only sixteen. "Okay, just pilot. It's on autopilot, but when THIS light turns green, you flick THIS switch. Okay?" Grey pointed out the hyperdrive enable light and activation switch. "The computer's running through the necessary data and will signal when we're ready."  
  
Ami nodded, hating the feeling of helplessness. "What are you going to do?"  
  
Grey shrugged. "i'm a cleric. i'm going to pray, i'm also going to try to keep the ship together long enough for the jump."  
  
----------  
  
In another world, she might have been known as Makoto or Lita. In another world she would have grown up to become Sailor Jupiter. She didn't know this, she didn't care. She was simply Julie, an asteroid miner's unwanted child. She and her childhood friends had decided (at Uria's suggestion) that they were going to get OFF that rock and never come back. So they'd stolen the fastest ship that had been available, the boss's jump-shuttle and tried to run. They hadn't gotten far.  
  
She and her childhood friends had been caught. Uria, the tough tomboy, had been carried off and they'd never seen her again. Nessa still broke into tears about it. The slaver might have been lying when he told them she'd been fed to the Hutt.  
  
Slave collars had been put on them and they'd been slowly but surely broken under the neuro-lash. Then, when everything had been as bleak as it could get, they'd been summoned to be sold off to some guy. How Vena recognized this guy was a weirdness - she was pretty sure she'd never seen the little girl OR the guy on the Asteroid and all their tormentors and slave handlers hadn't been human since they left home.  
  
Julie brought the weapons systems up in the turret and sent pulsing laser blasts towards a few of the snubships. It was payback time. Their current 'Master' was, according to Vena, a friend who had just rescued them. Julie wasn't too sure about that, but being here was certainly better than being back THERE. And since the little one-man fighters were definitely the bad guys, she had no trouble centering the crosshairs on one fighter after another and blasting away with glee.  
  
--------  
  
The bottom turret gave a series of booms before going silent. The top turret was being used enthusiastically if not very accurately.   
  
Ami fretted over moral issues, the impossibility of hearing laser blasts going past the ship, and the general weirdness quotient of what she was surrounded by. (ie: she was having an anxiety attack and getting cold feet about a relationship with this Grey fellow, especially as he had frustratingly been a perfect gentleman since coming to this timeline.)  
  
Several girls recently rescued from becoming an Unhappy Meal were being nervous wrecks and had not found anything to wear (though this last was less a consideration for them than for the guy who had bought them and was still trying to avoid looking at them.)  
  
A certain individual known as Grey (silver dragon male, C5?) was praying and trying not to look at the young girls shivering in the corner while running around with a fire extinguisher putting out fires.  
  
At a point where large pieces of the ship were about to become free-floating debris, a light came on and Ami flicked a switch. The 'Dewclaw' sped into hyperspace, trailing a little cloud of smoke and debris in the best tradition of 'Star Blazers' and other space series. Which got further complaints from Ami, predictably.  
  
---------  
  
Ami eventually got over her snit, her ability to fit everything in a rational world having only been temporarily overwhelmed by a dragon-cleric in human form piloting a ship through hyperspace to rescue a merged dimensional analogue of her friend Minako due to Usagi trying to spend quality time with her husband who was actually Ami's husband too even if they'd never...  
  
Ami shied away from the realization that THAT was the reason she was feeling both defensive and irritated at the whole situation.  
  
"That was all i had for clothing," apologized Grey, "leftovers from other adventures and companions, as well as other operatives who also used the 'Dewclaw'."  
  
Vena/Minako shrugged inside her too-large flight suit and remarked that it was warmer than not wearing anything at all.  
  
Meria, the native Ami, kept staring at the twin she'd never had before and didn't comment on her own skintight latex spacesuit. It hadn't even been made for humans, and it literally hugged every square inch as if it had been spray-painted on everything from the neck down. If she *had* commented, she would only have noted that it was rather toasty.  
  
Mareya, a shorthaired version of Rei whose left arm ended at the elbow, had gotten the worst of the lot. A tanktop two sizes too big and a pair of Dragonball Z boxer shorts. (Grey had been rather surprised to find those as he hadn't even known that those existed.)  
  
Julie had followed Grey to his cabin, found a man's workshirt, pair of jeans, and old tennis shoes, and had the best fitting set of clothing among all of them. Grey had stated he could heal the scar marring her face, but Julie had brushed it off stating that she had had it since childhood and it was of little concern.  
  
Moom was the near-Usagi, though with less than a 1/4 inch of hair on her scalp. She had found a Chinese dress that was merely a size too small and had eagerly put that on. She otherwise seemed largely to be in shock.  
  
The Hotaru-clone was Sally. A young looking girl, related to Mareya apparently. Sasami's clothing was too small, and so she was wearing a set of pajamas that Ami had gotten for wearing during the Labor.  
  
"So, what do we do now?" Sasami asked, looking over the crowd. "I mean we were just supposed to get Minako, weren't we?"  
  
"Well..." Grey said with a wince, "it's not like i could just leave them..."  
  
"So what happens to the me that *was* here when *I* leave?" Vena/Minako wondered, still trying to adjust a flight suit that would fit Chewbacca so that it didn't look quite so... overwhelming.  
  
"Unless we use *this*," Grey held up what looked like a solid soap bubble, "this universe will be minus 'Vena' - you two will remain merged. If it's worded right, we can use this Limited Wish to seperate the two of you when we leave this plane of existance."  
  
"What about the rest of us?" Julie asked, looking about. "I mean, we literally have nowhere to go. Uria was the one to come up with all the plans, well her and Nessa."  
  
Sally moaned, the two had been almost like her parents.  
  
"Well, what happened to them?" Ami asked, realizing that this were the Michiru and Haruka locals.  
  
"Nessa got sold last week. Uria was taken away fairly early," Julie responded. "All we really know is asteroid mining and that's no future at all."  
  
"The 'Dewclaw' is a repairship operating in this timeline, and you can continue to stay on board, though there will come other Captains. You're going to have to learn ship repair and the operating budget was skunked by purchasing you. Though we'll have to drop back into normal space for me to see if the purchase went through." Grey sighed. "i should have realized this wouldn't be easy. The laws of this universe tend to produce epic adventures regularly and this looks like the beginning of one."  
  
"Huh?!" The number of girls asked in unison, except for Moom who was still lost in her own private daze.  
  
"Look at the elements present," Grey explained, "an old beat up ship on the run from gangsters, though if you get out of the fringes you can avoid most of THAT. Crewed by young and attractive girls who are escaping their past. It is *so* in genre that i expect you to run into a fuzzy mascot at nearly any point (just so long as it isn't an Ewok- i've heard they're a lot like kender) and romantic lead. Probably Usa... Moom's."  
  
"But we don't know HOW to fix spaceships or any of that stuff," Julie pointed out, wondering if there was a way that they could get this guy to stay.   
  
Meria frowned and considered her other self. *She* got to leave, so maybe if she arranged to take her double's place...  
  
"Well, THAT i can't do much about," Grey admitted. "We'll exit hyperspace in an out-of-the-way system called Dantooine. The Rebellion had a base there, then they abandoned it, then the Empire converted it to support for their Death Star, then THEY abandoned it. It should still have a lot of supplies that the Empire left there. Then on to Tatooine. There's still a power vaccuum there with the death of Jabba the Hutt, and there's a hermit who knows a bit about the Force hanging around over there. Don't know what he's calling himself nowadays, but he used to go by the name of Luke...  
  
"i've programmed both sets of coordinates into the navcomp. As for me, Sasami, Ami, and Akane, we've got to get going." Grey held up the soap bubble. "i wish that Minako, Ami, Akane, Sasami and myself were now before the archways of Mimir's Well, and that Minako and Vena were seperated with Vena remaining in her native timeline."  
  
---------  
  
"You took quite awhile," said Celeste, checking an enormous pocketwatch.   
  
"Extenuating circumstances," replied Grey as he and the others appeared. "Was the split successful?"  
  
"Yes, you managed to abandon a bunch of untrained panicked girls on a falling-apart spaceship heading for a former Imperial base off in the fringes, without any clue as to how to operate that starship." Celeste was annoyed.  
  
"Like i had a choice?! What was i supposed to do, MARRY them?" Grey was grateful that Celeste didn't answer that question. "i did the best i could! Dantooine doesn't have any native life that is particularly threatening, sort of like pre-colonial Georgia without the bears. i *did* do some research you know!"  
  
"Not to mention the damage done to the 'Dewclaw'," Celeste continued. "The drydock webbing is spread through five systems. The blast shielding is gone in six places, the cargo bay is open to hard vaccuum, the fire control will break down at any moment, and the tractor beam is at less than 50% power..."  
  
"The 'Dewclaw' isn't in a combat zone, the girls don't know how to use the drydock anyway, i couldn't do a dang thing about the shielding or tractor beam without replacement parts, and the computer's locked access to that bay. Fire control *might* be a problem, but can you come up with one thing that would have worked better at this?"  
  
Ami actually spoke. "Yes, actually. You could have headed instead for the nearest colony and dropped them off at a spaceport. It was their own universe, their own time. They could have handled it."  
  
Minako considered her dear friend for a moment. "Sorry, Ami, but you're wrong. I was part of Vena for awhile. Think 'Coal Miner's Daughter' or something like that. They've darn little in the way of education, were looking at a bleak existence on a barren rock, working twelve hour days digging ore without even a blade of grass for them to look at that wasn't a hologram. They wanted OUT of that life and I can't blame them. The reason they made a break for it was that Uria's arranged marriage was coming up, at which point she'd have been stuck as a baby factory and her dreams of being a pod racer would have been over."  
  
Ami wasn't the only one taken aback by the bitterness in Minako's voice. "But... I..."  
  
"No buts, Ami-chan," Minako tried smiling to take the sting out. "Grey-chan didn't do that badly."  
  
"Well, just to be safe, maybe i should go into the next world alone, is the portal set, Celeste?"  
  
Celeste finished glaring. She'd have to arrange a suitable hero to run across the girls on that ship, though fortunately heroes weren't that uncommon in a Star Wars universe. "Arch four. It should use your connection to Makoto to take you directly to her."  
  
--------  
  
Grey stepped through, feeling the automatic adaptations take place. In a universe where there were dragons, he would be a dragon - so any world like Oerth or Toril or RIFTS Earth - he'd become a silver dragon or the local equivelant. That was now his primary form. In a world where there were no dragons but the gods or goddesses of Yggdrasil or a similar system normally held sway, he became the 'sexangel' form with or without wings -which had been the case in the Star Wars universe. Without either of those influences, or if the environment was deemed hostile enough by what was left of the Binding, he ended up in cyborg form - that modified Triax VX-500 housing. Lastly was a purely human form, though he'd gotten a magic tattoo and some esper talent that was supposed to be useful if he ever figured out how to access it.  
  
This world, for all its appearances, had no dragons or angels roaming its streets in disguise. The technology might have allowed for cyborgs, but clearly nothing near the full conversion type. That meant... human.  
  
It felt diminished. Crippled. Small. He could fly (though the angelform was the only one where landing didn't end up in a crash) in all his other forms, but the human form was... weak. Defenseless. Soft. Grey was amazed how easy it was to get used to being big and powerful. Being a psuedo-angel had been glorious, being a silver dragon- bordered on joyful, being a hulking cyborg had been inconvenient and a large set of its own problems - but it had been comfortable in a way.  
  
Stepping out into a rainshower and feeling the sudden ache of old tired joints, Grey realized that something was even more wrong with this. There was a burning sharp pain in his chest, and he felt the wet cold penetrating him far more than he remembered it.  
  
Looking at his arm confirmed the worst. Wrinkled pale skin spotted with age and old scars. Not only human again. But his old human body. He'd been close to forty when he'd been remade into a demon. He hadn't kept track of time since then, time travel and dimensional jaunts had invented terms like 'subjective time vs objective time', but at least another forty years had passed on various jobs and missions. Judging from this pain-wracked, trembling, withered shell - another twenty years or more had been tacked on. This body was literally crumbling inside, and Grey could feel it.  
  
Struggling for every step, Grey tried to make it towards the odd barely-seen buildings surrounding him. The Binding was still weakened or confused. Celeste hadn't immediately recalled him, which meant he was out of touch with them too. He was glad of one thing at least. That he had to go through this indignity and have his Final Death be of old age out in the rain of some alien timeline, at least Ami and Minako and the others weren't here to see this...  
  
And somehow he'd always known, that even though he'd always done the best he could, and he'd always cared, that he would die cold and alone and unloved. It was just that sort of life...  
  
So cold, so dark...  
  
So alone...  
  
------------  
  
heh heh. cliffhanger, eh?  
  
  
ja ne,  
gregg  
  
  



	2. Default Chapter Title

  
THIRD LABOR: Chapter Three (prologue)  
A Tale of Two Akanes?  
Disclaimer: i don't own the people/situations, and as this deals with multiversal jaunts and alternate universes, some of these have been altered pretty significantly.  
  
--------------  
  
"Hey ojiisan, you ought to take it easy in this weather..." The young man put a mug of green tea in front of the old geezer, who gratefully breathed in the steam and warmed his hands around it.  
  
Ignoring the rattle in his lungs, Grey tried to focus his failing eyesight on the fellow in front of him. "Otaru Mamiya? Then, i'm in Japonesse on Terra Two?"  
  
Otaru waited for the old man to stop his coughing fit and the following gasp for air. "Ojiisan, you're from New Texas, ain't ya? What were ya in such a hurry for? Ya ain't exactly dressed for Japonesse in March, ya know."  
  
"i'm a mechanic, a fixer of sorts, and i'm looking to learn about the Otome Kairo," replied Grey. ~Especially if what i think happened, happened.~  
  
"Hmmm. Doctor Lorelei's up at Castle Japonesse, but I think that they're not letting people in right now." Otaru blinked. "Hey old man, you're not looking so good. I mean, you're looking even worse."  
  
"Unnnn," Grey winced at the pain in his chest. "My name is Grey, Otaru. You wouldn't happen to have a quiet corner an old man could catch some sleep in?"   
  
Grey, nearly doubled over from the pain, and Otaru, concerned about the old guy maybe dying in their kissaten, missed Cherry's reaction to the name. Her hair sticking briefly up and eyes going as wide as system parameters allowed.  
  
"Bloodberry," whispered Cherry to the marionette who had been waiting tables. "Let Lime handle that, you need to take a message to Lorelei immediately."  
  
"Are you sure?" Bloodberry replied with a frown and a glance at the steady drizzle of rain outside. "You know how she gets the orders mixed up."  
  
"Yes. Tell Lorelei that 'Grey has returned' though it may not be the same Grey... If it *is* then it's very important!" Cherry continued to whisper, knowing Bloodberry's hearing sufficient to catch it.  
  
Bloodberry didn't bother whispering, subtlety not being her strong suit. "Gotcha. Be right back."  
  
---------  
  
In a sense it was intelligent. In a sense it was powerless. In other meanings it was rather like a glorified computer program and extremely powerful.  
  
It had puzzled about there being three of the Host. There was a female-child version over there. There was a mechanical female version over here. And then there was...  
  
The variable one, whom the Widdershins curse had just pulled a nasty on. As it was now interfering directly with the Binding's directive, the Binding settled on it for the time being.  
  
The Widdershins curse was nasty and tricky, and been reinforced by an ancient goddess known as Eris, Greek goddess of discord, and who was capable of particularly nasty and powerful curses.  
  
The Binding slowly began ripping the Widdershins curse apart.   
  
--------  
  
"Damn, he passed out," Otaru said of the old man breathing heavily in the corner.  
  
"Wai!" Lime said, beginning to doodle on the old man.  
  
"Lime, no..." Otaru groaned.   
  
Cherry groaned as well, and got out the bottle of spray cleaner.  
  
--------  
  
"Vixxen, I choose you!" *SHOOM*  
  
Grey didn't want to open his eyes. He *hurt* and felt weak and sluggish. It was so difficult to move, to stir oneself, but there was Duty to consider.  
  
"Heeheehee, your Vixxen is no match for my Dominatrix." *SHHOOM! "Now we shall see who truly is the best PokeWoman Trainer, Ash!"  
  
"We'll see about THAT, Moroboshi! Vixxen, Fire Spin!"  
  
Hearing this, Grey was *very* reluctant to open his eyes. When he saw that it was just Lynx and Panther watching some anime on TV, he felt enormously grateful. Though why his face was so stiff, as if someone had coated it with wax or something...  
  
The dimension traveller couldn't help but groan as he got up. While sitting at the booth, he was aching and tired, actually moving increased the pain level and weariness. It also brought a coughing fit that left him dizzy and gasping.  
  
"Hey, old-timer, don't go dying in our cafe, it'd be bad for business." Panther hadn't apparently had any success learning tact.  
  
"Not on my 'List of Things To Do Today' strangely enough," agreed Grey. "i need to get to Castle Japonesse, i guess. Has it at least stopped raining?"  
  
"About an hour ago, though it'll be off-and-on all day." Cherry informed the decrepit fellow as she cleaned glasses and tried to ignore the perverted crap the other marionettes were watching.  
  
"...just great..." Grey took quiet stock of himself. Thin to the point of being almost a walking skeleton, this image further enhanced by the pale thin skin. He was singularly ill prepared to do any sort of rescue mission.  
  
"High incidence of plasma today too." Bloodberry offered as she found a seat in front of the television. "Who's winning?"  
  
"Vixxen, of course," Lynx answered Bloodberry. "She's *so* take-charge in a battle or with her Master!"  
  
"Hmmmm," said Cherry and Bloodberry thoughtfully.  
  
Otaru, hearing this, also heard an alarm bell going off. He glanced towards the TV to see some cartoon fox-woman dragging her "Master" off... "Uhm, what's she doing now?"  
  
"Dragging her Master off so that he can reward her..." Bloodberry's voice continued to be thoughtful.  
  
"Hmmm," hmmmed Cherry.  
  
"Hmmm," agreed Lynx and Panther, "somehow I don't think that would work with Faust-sama. But..."  
  
"WELL," Otaru said, almost teleporting from behind the bar to where Grey leaned against a wall. "Guess I'll help you get to Castle Japoness! I wanted to see how Lorelei was doing anyway! Yup! Yup! Yup!"  
  
Grey found himself being hustled out the door, almost dragged by Otaru. "Uhm, i ..."  
  
"You don't understand, look, those marionettes have Otome Kairo - maiden circuits, and they can make you feel really special or make your life a living Hell." Otaru walked briskly noting the old man couldn't keep up. "Last time something like that happened... it was bad. Really really BAD. They kept trying to do something weird and..."  
  
"Otaru. As a favor to you, let me explain something about *what* they were trying to do. There are male and female birds and such, right?" On seeing Otaru's puzzled nod, Grey continued. "Now this is based on the historical records of human behavior..."  
  
--------------  
  
Lorelei heard the squeal of a radio and clicked the button on the side. "Yes, Cherry?"  
  
"How'd you know it was me?" Cherry wondered briefly (not for the first time) if human women had some special sense.  
  
"It was either you or one of the other national powers, and on this frequency it was unlikely to be one of them. Besides, I gave Bloodberry that radio to give to you. Just be sure not to use it when there's a plasma cloud." Lorelei shook her long hair to the side. "I take it he's coming?"  
  
"Yes. Otaru's with him. Is Otaru-sama in any danger?"  
  
"No, I think not. The first time he came here, it was involuntary. If Bloodberry's description of a 'pain-ridden old man who stumbled in out of the rain' is accurate, it seems likely that this time was involuntary as well."  
  
"He said something about being here to learn about Otome Kairo."  
  
"The technology is something I developed, but even I'm having trouble understanding how and why they work, or why so many fail," admitted Lorelei. "The only person who likely understands them better is Lubentz, and he's still in hiding somewhere."  
  
---------  
  
Otaru's normally tan complexion was pale, and his eyes were wide. His hands twitched in synch with a facial tic. "You... you're kidding."  
  
"Nope," Grey watched Otaru carefully (as much as his degrading vision allowed him). If the concept of kissing, snuggling, and cuddling had this much of a reaction, what would actually telling him about sex produce? Well, it was about time *someone* told the boy, and he seemed to have been elected somehow. "That's not all..."  
  
---------  
  
Lorelei checked a few displays and frowned. "What?! This can't be right."  
  
Gennai checked himself. "I don't think it's the scanners, Otaru is registering as normal and the readings on him are consistent."  
  
Lorelei tapped her foot rapidly, and continued to frown. "But here, look at the readings. It's as if he's..."  
  
Gennai pointed to indicators on the monitors. "Well, I'd say we don't have anything to worry about. Keep him waiting to see you for a couple of hours and he'll have died of old age."  
  
Lorelei stared at a video pickup. "Did he just cough up a tooth?!"  
  
"It's obvious that he hasn't aged as gracefully as myself," agreed Gennai, "but then I *am* exceptional for my age! Heheheh!"  
  
"Plus, you're only seventy, judging from these readings, he's one-hundred-five." Lorelei tapped a nail on a display. "If these readings remain consistent. Otherwise he's aging a year every half hour."  
  
----------  
  
Grey stared at where he'd just coughed up *another* tooth. "i've said it before, i'll say it again. Getting old *sucks!*"  
  
"..." Otaru would have said one of the stock responses like "Yeah but it beats the alternative." He would have except that he was just staring off into space as what Grey had just told him penetrated.  
  
"Stomach cramps, i'd forgotten what it was like to have to deal with that, and allergies, and palsy, and..." Grey bit the gripe session back. He had a job to do, but he wasn't sure he could make it long enough. This body was falling apart faster than a politician's promises.  
  
"..." Otaru blinked, indicating he was getting better.  
  
Wheezing again, Grey leaned against a wall and otherwise ignored the stare of the locals.  
  
"...did you notice that you're bleeding from your ears..." Otaru broke his silence to point out what might have been an important observation.  
  
"Do tell," Grey winced and forced himself to start moving again. "i really think i need a quick lie down before i meet Doctor Lorelei, but i..."  
  
---------  
  
Doctor Lorelei looked at the monitor briefly, then closed her eyes and turned away.  
  
"Oh, look at that, the aging factor is actually accelerating. Imagine that." Gennai watched the displays, not the video feed. "Though his life signs appear to have... oh dear."  
  
---------  
  
"Great," said Grey, exulting in the lack of pain but rather put off in that he was looking at his rapidly decaying body from the outside. "i'm dead. Again. No Binding. No ties to anyone else holding me here. Also i'm not being dragged off to Hell, and i ain't in Heaven. So... NOW WHAT?!"  
  
Otaru ignored him, as Grey had expected. He'd watched the kind old man collapse, then his body sort of decomposed in fast action, collapsing in on itself, becoming a skeleton, then the bones browning and crumbling away while he watched. "What the?!"  
  
"Getting old sucks," Grey repeated, then added, "and dying ain't too great either."  
  
Other than Otaru freaking at the old man now bone dust blowing away on the breeze, there wasn't much answer.  
  
Grey sighed and looked at the little wisps of himself evaporating. "Oh great! Oblivion, huh? Well, i can't say this was completely unexp..."  
  
---------  
  
The Binding finished off the last bit of the Widdershins curse and looked around. There was the Host, or one of them, but already dead and gone. Another had been blown up but had been rebuilt. Still there was a spark missing from the marionette Ginseng II. Ranko was a Host, but was also the native Ranko of that line, and so was unsuitable.  
  
The Binding wasn't intelligent in the manner of a human, more in the manner of some fairly sophisticated program. It evolved its own parameters in order to more effectively achieve its desired goal. In this case, the Binding had no clear directive.  
  
---------  
  
Lorelei had fainted, Gennai had caught her but he wasn't feeling too well himself. Readings on the blowing bone dust faithfully tracked by the scanners carbon dated it as predating man's arrival on Terra Two by a significant margin.  
  
Watching the old man's body dissolve had been rather sickening.  
  
Ginseng, the second marionette to be created with a backup of Grey's memories, watched impassively. Most virgin circuits looked fine, but for some reason failed to work. This was the case with Ginseng II. Ginseng was about on a level with Tamasaburo or Baiko, cold and efficient but capable of some complex independent action, unlike the more simple automatons at the lower end of the marionette market.  
  
Ginseng monitored the changes and noted when the Doctor seemed to be recovering. "Doctor Lorelei. Observation: My prior incarnation was requesting to speak with you. Observation: facial and body language indicated hurry. Observation: prior incarnation is now deceased in such a way that neither further brain tapes nor chemical analysis will be possible. Historical data: prior incarnation had a number of enemies of great power. Historical data: subject Jared Saotome stated many powerful enemies could be drawn to this continuua for purposes of mass destruction. Conclusion: prior incarnation attempted to come here to warn you of powerful enemies that have been drawn ot this continuua for purposes of mass destruction."  
  
Lorelei fainted again.  
  
Ginseng considered this behavior and wondered if she ought to make an emulation subroutine. It did not seem to have a logical purpose.  
  
---------  
  
Ami and Minako nodded at each other then leapt through the archway, ignoring Celeste yelling at them that they were being idiots.  
  
"He's dead. Gone." Celeste tried arguing with those remaining. "I'm running a trace routine, but all evidence is that he's been eliminated. Not in Heaven, not in Hell. That leaves Oblivion, Reincarnation, or being snagged and put in a Rune Weapon."  
  
"Not Oblivion, not a Rune Weapon, possibly captured and put into a prison by an enemy," Sailor Pluto noted.  
  
"Huh?" More than one of those present offered.  
  
"Akane's PokeBall vanished." The sometimes-Senshi pointed out. "So his identity may have dissolved, but his existence has not."  
  
"Oh dear. With so many dimensions, how are we going to find him?" The djinni named Kasumi was a bit put off by all this.  
  
"How many pyrolion Pokemon named Akane can there be? We can track her easier than him."   
  
---------  
  
Ginseng waited for the Doctor to recover enough to be coherent. "Doctor Lorelei. Observation: Transdimensional aperatures opened during your period of unconsciousness. Number: Three. Action: Bringing up locations on map of Japonesse. Query: Further actions required?"  
  
"Hmmm" Otaru hmmmed, looking over the map. "That's the old abandoned house where those marionette otaku had all those stolen marionettes. Didn't someone recover them?"  
  
"Statement: the offworld unit Sakyo Kuonji is reported to have done so, excepting fourteen units whose previous owners could be located, and six units currently in storage at Gennai's workshop."  
  
Gennai shrugged. "When I can afford to, I'll replace the parts that were taken by the otaku to disable them. For now, I've been relying on Gemini-chan."  
  
"Ah," said Otaru, shooting a concerned glance towards Lorelei.  
  
Lorelei broke her silence. "That's the factory that Sakyo built there. And that..."  
  
"It looks to be the complex under the Japonesse Historical Museum where I found Lime," interrupted Otaru as he studied the map a little further.  
  
"Query: As this unit is more disposable than human units, would it be advisable for this unit to investigate?"   
  
"Yes, Ginseng," said Lorelei, still trying to get used to the odd voice and manner of speaking of the marionette. "I think that would be advisable."  
  
-----------  
  
The Binding had worked to move Grey away from the source of trouble, and as its last certain interpretation of the Host had been in the Second Labor (Reluctant Bet) it used those parameters. This was not at all what the Host would have wished for, but then he rarely got what he wanted anyway.  
  
"Unnnggghhh," a little boy of five said, lying on the ground.  
  
A pudgy man looked from the impromptu grave of his son, to the living (though thin) child nearby. "Thank you kami, this is all the proof I needed that I walk the path of Martial Righteousness!" Genma gestured to the Heavens.  
  
He was hit by lightning immediately after, so perhaps that wasn't quite the right interpretation.  
  
----------  
  
Genma grumbled. His son didn't eat much at all. His son didn't want to practice martial arts. His son was fond of reading! Not very manly at all.  
  
Ranma was playing with a ball he'd found at his belt when he released...  
  
*SHOOM!*  
  
"A-ka? NE?!" The lionlike creature looked puzzled, then sniffed the startled child. "A ne." (What the heck? Where?!) (You're... a kid now?)  
  
Genma took one look at the mountain lion with the fiery tail and fled, only returning when he realized that his "son" hadn't been turned into catfood.  
  
"Giyyup!" The boy in question was sitting on the pyrolion's back and playing as if he were riding a bucking bronco. That the pyrolion was lying down and had a long-suffering expression on its face was not of any concern to the child.  
  
"It's tame?" Genma slowly approached the beast. Maybe he could sell it for large amounts of money?  
  
Akane watched the big fellow approach, then spat a stream of fire that came within inches of assuring that there would be no further Heirs of the Saotome School of Anything Goes. "A! Ka! Ne!" She warned him in a tone that brooked no argument.  
  
"I see..." Genma said after using a speed technique to climb up into a tree. "Wouldn't you like to be sold to a nice zoo? It would be so nice and..."  
  
*FWOOOM!* Akane minced no words in letting Genma know what she thought of that idea.  
  
Genma coughed a bit weakly as the Ember attack left him singed but otherwise okay.  
  
"Wowwww!" Little Ranma watched the flames go past. "Do it again!"  
  
"NO!" Genma protested, not wanting to have to steal a new gi. At least not yet. "All right, all right, I won't sell you!" ~for now.~  
  
The little boy reached behind an ear and started scratching.  
  
"Oooooo," said Akane, leaning into it. ~Damn, that feels good!~  
  
"You're pretty!" The little boy said, pleased with his new pet.  
  
"Aka!" The lion agreed, smiling, her eyes half closed as the boy's fingers delicately scratched along the folds of her right ear. ~Kids say the darndest things.~  
  
"What's your name?" Ranma chirped, redoubling his efforts as the cat pressed into his fingers.  
  
"Akane!"  
  
"Okay, Akane!" Ranma nodded happily. "i'm Ranma. Or that's what Daddy says anyway."  
  
"A! ka!" (Actually you smell like Grey, you look a bit like him, and you're way too scrawny to be the real Ranma. But damn you're good with your fingers.) "AH!"  
  
Noting that his pet had some bunched up muscles along the shoulders, Ranma had started rubbing those to loosen them up. The cat had seemed startled at first but was now *purring* hard enough to vibrate clear through to his shoulders. "Hang on, Akane, let me get this..."  
  
Genma approached warily. The evil cat-thing opened one eye to watch him but seemed mainly satisfied to let his son massage its shoulders. "Son, you can't possibly keep that. Look how big it is, we'd never be able to feed it!"  
  
Akane, feeling considerably looser and acting on feline instincts, rolled over so the boy could scratch her belly. "ooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrr."  
  
Ranma and Akane continued to ignore Genma as the boy and his pet got to know each other.  
  
-------  
  
"RANMA! How dare you..." The little boy paused. "You're not Ranma."  
  
"That's what Pop calls me, who're you?" Ranma watched the boy approaching and frowned. Was this why his father had been reluctant to come here? Or was it just another plot to seperate him and Akane?  
  
"I am the child you and your father stole the life from!" The little boy brandished a spatula and prepared to smite the child in front of him.  
  
"Oh? Yeah, Pops is good at that sorta thing. Sorry, but he says i gots some head injury and that's why i can't 'member nothin from wakin' up in the mountains. Ya wanna be friends?"  
  
"How can I..." Ukyo stopped glaring. "What you mean you can't remember anything?"  
  
"Can't." Ranma looked momentarily depressed then offered a box of Pocky to the other boy. "So ya wanna be friends? Ya can get even with the old man when he gets back!"  
  
Ukyo blinked, still uncertain that this could be the right Ranma. "Okay." ~For now!~  
  
"Great! Wanna see my pet lion?!" Ranma loved showing off his pet to people. He couldn't help it if a lot of people seemed to react with blind panic.  
  
Ukyo thoughtfully munched on a Pocky stick. "Pet lion? Yeah, right."  
  
*SHOOOM!*  
  
"Aaaaaaa!"  
  
"Wow, you jumped almost as high as Pop when she does that!"  
  
Akane sniffed. Ukyo. Not an efreet. Interesting.  
  
----------  
  
Some people panicked, some people stared, some people fainted.  
  
Two kids riding a fiery lion shape tried to ignore the reactions briefly.  
  
"It's a monster!" A man in Shinto robes began preparing a spirit dispelling ward.  
  
Ranma snorted. "What's a matter, you never saw a shikigami before?"  
  
The priest watched the ward fail to produce any more reaction on Akane than a sneeze. "Oh yes, a 'guardian spirit' - I see!" It was better than admitting his wards were powerless against a monster. "Your shikigami, is it?"  
  
"Unnn," happily nodded Ranma.  
  
"That's right!" Ukyo flipped off. "And as Akane is a holy fire spirit, we'll be selling sacred okonomiyaki later today! Prepared using sacred flames!"  
  
"Flames?" The priest sounded doubtful. "You mean that little flame from the tail?"  
  
*FOOOOOMMMMMMM!*  
  
The priest tried to look casual, difficult when your hair is sticking out in all directions. "Oh *that* sacred flame! I see."  
  
Akane smirked. This wasn't a bad way to earn a living.  
  
---------  
  
Akane snarled from within the confines of the net. Two sets of screams echoed from within the confines of the pit.  
  
"It's for the best," said Genma with a nod towards the firelion, "I must make Ranma a man among men, and the best of his generation. Ukyo now, thanks to you, refuses to part from him. So they will be trained in this technique- one that will make them invincible!"  
  
Akane growled and snapped.  
  
"They're after my eyes!"  
  
"Ucchan! Get under me, i'll shield you!"  
  
"Your sacrifice will allow us travel to distant places where Ranma may learn secrets of the Art he could never learn in Japan," Genma said while counting money.  
  
"Try another drug dart," one of the zookeepers advised a handler.  
  
Akane roared and twisted as best she could, unsheathing her claws.  
  
"You should be happy that they would learn the Catfist! You're just a big cat, after all." Genma said, full of parental wisdom. "I would have done it when he was younger, but you've interfered for the last time."  
  
Akane had been transformed into a pokemon. Pokemon were egglaying creatures who could reproduce through parthenogenesis. Often they had an elemental affiliation such as Poison or Water. Oh, and a lot of them did something else- they evolved under special circumstances or under stress.  
  
Akane roared in outrage and betrayal. She was angry. She was stressed. She evolved.  
  
--------  
  
"Geez, Pop is a real idiot, ain't he?" A seven year old griped to his only friends.  
  
"Ya think I'm gonna argue with THAT, sugar?"  
  
"Inferna!" Akane snarled at the thought of someone trying to SELL her! Again! And she'd evolved last year during THAT attempt.  
  
"Yup, an idiot," translated Ranma.  
  
"So," Ukyo ventured, "why are we still sticking with him?"  
  
All three came to a halt.  
  
"He's my Pop, i know dumping Ucchan was dumb and wrong, and that Catfist stuff was just plain stupid..." Ranma's voice trailed off. "But he's still..."  
  
"Where's your Mom?" Ukyo asked Ranma.  
  
"In! Fer! Na aka ne!" At times like this, Akane would have gladly traded the raw power for a better vocabulary, not to mention hands.  
  
"Juuban? Why Juuban?"  
  
Akane and Ukyo stared at Ranma.  
  
"What?" Ranma stepped back.  
  
"Inferna Akane!"  
  
"Hey, how come ya understood her?" Ukyo was jealous.  
  
Ranma looked embarassed and rubbed the back of his head. "Well, i just... if ya kind of listen without thinking of it, sometimes some of what she means comes through what she says."  
  
"NE?!" Akane would have facefaulted but that would probably hurt, so she just rolled her eyes. "Akane ne nene aka..."  
  
Ukyo squealed. "I understood that! She just called you..."  
  
"i know, Ucchan, i KNOW."  
  
----------  
  
Eyecatch #7  
  
Setsuna Meiou in a framed picture, dressed nicely. With a click the picture flips to reveal Sailor Pluto. Click/flip: Setsuna dressed in a white gi-like outfit, holding a lightsaber. Click/flip: dressed as Ifurita and floating above an El Hazard city. Click/flip: chasing a laughing Happosai, wielding a broom like a club. Click/flip: a cute but not so little angel.  
  
Eyecatch #8  
Makoto Kino in a framed picture, wearing her school uniform. With a click the picture flips to reveal Sailor Jupiter. Click/flip: a marionette in kimono. Click/flip: Devilhunter Lita. Click/flip: wearing braies and tunic, carrying a halberd. Click/flip: on a motorcycle, wearing a leather jacket and jeans. Click flip: cute little angel sitting on a cloud.  
  
---------  
  
  
"AAAHHH!" The little girl was not so quietly freaking after turning a street corner and finding herself face to face with a massive red-and-orange furred lion.   
  
"What's a matter?" Ranma looked to see the little (she couldn't have been more than five whereas he was looking down from the lofty height of a seven year old)girl paralyzed from fright. "Aw, don't go doing that. Ya might hurt Akane's feelings."  
  
The little girl looked up to see a boy riding the lion. This changed the encounter (to a five year old at least) from "Ah! I'm gonna die!" to "Wow! Neat! Can I ride?"   
  
Makoto Kino would forever remember that day, when she met her sempai and rode a lion.  
  
-----------  
  
The woman opened the door to behold a little boy in tattered and worn clothing. Behind him was another little boy, a rather large lioness that was tolerating being played with by a little girl...  
  
Nodoka's eyes widened a little bit at the tuft of flame burning on the end of the lion's tail. "Oh my."  
  
"My name is Ranma Saotome, and i'm..." The rest of the rehearsed speech vanished into the hug.  
  
"I'm his fiancee! Ukyo Kuonji. Pleased to meet ya!" The dirty little boy(?) curtseyed.   
  
"That's my sempai!" The little girl with a ponytail proudly proclaimed. "And this is Akane, ain't she NEAT!"  
  
Akane looked embarassed and grinned.  
  
Nodoka calmed herself. "That's a..."  
  
"Shikigami," supplied Makoto and Ukyo in unison.  
  
"Oh my," repeated Nodoka.  
  
---------  
  
Nodoka refrained from continued staring at the lion-like creature sitting on the porch watching them. It wasn't polite to stare, after all.  
  
She listened carefully to the tales of all three. Ranma telling of waking up in the mountains without any previous memories near a grave that had *his* name on it (this gave Nodoka a nagging suspicion) and of travelling for a year with his Pop training in the martial arts.  
  
Ukyo related meeting her Ranchan again, though he looked very different (Nodoka's nagging suspicion grew a bit) and didn't act nearly the same. Ukyo had later put it off to the head injury. Ukyo had stuck like glue to Ranma's side, and the two had been training together in the Saotome School. Ukyo had further been cooking okonomiyaki so that they could eat better and Akane had helped with the business end of things.  
  
As Akane nodded and repeated her name, Nodoka asked if she could understand Japanese. When Akane nodded again and then put her forepaws over her mouth, Nodoka translated that as understood but couldn't speak. A shikigami being a supernatural beast, this wasn't too unexpected.  
  
Then came mention of the training with a pit of cats, Akane evolving to Inferna Akane, and another year of training. Then meeting this little cherub, who had apparently been a friend and tour guide to the little group. (Her parents were apparently away on business frequently.) Which brought them, three days before Ranma's eighth birthday, here. As they had snuck away from her husband to come here, Nodoka suspected that Genma was in the area if not watching the house right now.  
  
Nodoka looked at Ranma's fiancee, and the other little girl who was obviously very interested in her sempai. Manly. He had decided to be headstrong and independent and gotten away from his father to go stir up trouble elsewhere. Manly. He had come home to his Mother. Not manly. He had come with a fiancee, a girlfriend, and a guardian spirit-beast. Manly, manly, and... she wasn't quite sure what to make of this last but magical legendary heroes sometimes had these sort of things so... qualified manly.   
  
A creak on the roof brought Nodoka's attention upwards. Akane growled, bared teeth, and focussed her attention likewise. Ignoring her husband's return for the moment, Nodoka continued to work out the scenario. It *had* been over three years. She was reunited with her son, though she had her doubts about his actual lineage - was this actually a son that Genma had fathered elsewhere? Nodoka thought about it and nodded, thinking this likely. The child's eyes were hazel - green/brown that seemed to change color slightly depending on the light. Add the shikigami associating with him, and you came up with an illegitimate child that Genma was hoping to foist off as his son after the death of the original.  
  
Nodoka smiled and nodded at the three children. "Ranma, your room is down the hall and to the right. Please go there with your friends. I have some things to 'discuss' with your father. Oh, and Akane, could you help by cutting off escape routes?"  
  
"AKA!" Akane nodded and grinned.  
  
A few minutes later, Genma used a secret technique of the Saotome School upon his wife. Amazing how effective the "Crouch of the wild tiger" could be in certain circumstances.  
  
-----------  
  
"Ruh Roh, Ranma!" Akane had been practicing and with some effort had learned to speak in the year since she'd started living at the Saotome home. Sort of. If she had ever seen an American series called "Scooby Doo" she would have been properly mortified.  
  
"Whatta ya mean, 'Uh oh', you heard Mom!" Ranma frowned at the cat. "We gotta find out if there's anything a shikigami needs that you ain't gettin'."  
  
Akane hung her head. She'd tried to explain that she wasn't a shikigami, but...  
  
"Oh WOW!" A little girl who was wearing a red and white Maiden's clothes exclaimed on seeing the cat. "Grandpa! There's..."  
  
Ranma looked up, to realize the girl was staring now at HIM.  
  
"...my husband..." The girl's voice was a bare whisper but it still carried. It carried to arriving Grandfather, who stared, it carried to the also-staring Ranma, and it carried to the shaking-her-head-at-it-all Inferna.  
  
Akane grimaced. "Rat's rut rI rean. Roh roy."  
  
"You said it, A-chan," agreed Ranma when he got over his initial shock.  
  
-----------  
  
"Hey Akane!"  
  
"Good afternoon, Akane, waiting for Ranma?"  
  
Akane nodded to the little schoolgirl who'd asked the question. "Rat's right!"   
  
"Hi, Akane! Bye, Akane!"  
  
Akane nodded to each of the kids as they filed past. Some reaching over to give the school mascot, guardian spirit, or sacred lion a quick pat. She tolerated the attention good-naturedly, it was certainly better than the panic she'd gotten the first time she'd shown up.  
  
Finally she spotted Ranma, flanked as usual by Ukyo. As Ukyo was carefully *not* looking at Ranma, Akane assumed that Ranma had said something thoughtless again. Or (just as likely in Akane's opinion) Ukyo had misinterpreted something Ranma had said/done.  
  
"Hey, Akane, what's up?"  
  
"Raining rip," reminded Akane, still trying to speak with mouth parts that weren't really designed for Japanese.  
  
"Oh, right," Ranma agreed. "You might check with Rei-chan and Mako-chan, they're students of the Saotome School too, you know."  
  
Akane snorted with barely suppressed laughter. So *that* was it. Ukyo had learned that Ranma wanted to take the other two students of the School on a training trip that *she* had thought would just be the two of them with some parental supervision. She'd have to have a talk with Ukyo and the other two *without* Ranma, they were only ten years old (Makoto and Rei were eight) and still way too young for the sort of war she could see coming.  
  
Ranma and Ukyo watched Akane leap off and begin running down the street so quickly that her tail left a brief trail of flame in the air behind her.  
  
"You know, i sometimes get the feeling something's going on, and i'm the only one around here who doesn't get it." Ranma scratched the back of his head, looking puzzled.  
  
Ukyo glared as she smoothed the pleated skirt of her school uniform. "Well, whatta ya know. He *can* get a clue."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
Ukyo sighed. "Never mind, Ranchan."  
  
------------  
  
Heaven:  
  
"We've got a lock on. It's on one of the high rate timelines that split off in Nexus SM-RN 250." Setsuna frowned. "Looks like Akane's there. Trying to see if Grey is there."  
  
"So what's that timeline like? Silver Millenium and Ryu Mishima, so you've got the Senshi or at least the various girls and likely the Tendo and Saotome families, also Happosai or something close." Belle wasn't that familiar with some of the other sections, before she split off from the original Belldandy she'd been mainly been concerned with mainlines. Well, that and Keiichi. "The 200k sets are nonstandard for both mainlines, right?"  
  
"Not as far out as an X00k line or prone to darkness as a 400k but pretty odd usually." Celeste clicked over the scanners. "Yeah, it's one of the high temporal rate ones. Months have gone by there just since it was found."  
  
"Oh dear," Belle said. "Should we try to pull Akane out?"  
  
"Her aging rate in the pyrolion form is much less than a human's." Setsuna noted. "It's interesting, though, she's still a Pokemon. Amaterasu should have given her the option to transform back by now..."  
  
"Not," Amaterasu announced, teleporting in, "if I didn't know where she was... As it is I've contacted my counterpart there."  
  
-----------  
  
Timeline SM-RN 204117  
  
Akane sniffed the air and turned, growling a warning to her family. A stranger was walking up to the door, having mysteriously appeared in their backyard.  
  
The woman walked up, unconcerned by the fiery lioness, or the four children. Nor the woman who had drawn a sword, or the portly but skilled martial artist standing at her side. "Akane, you have learned much. I am here to remove the curse."  
  
"Reah right!" (Yeah, right.)  
  
"No, seriously."  
  
"Infer NA." (Try again, I'm not even sure why I'm in this form, other than it having something to do with a previous incarnation.) Akane grimaced as she realized she'd lapsed back into the nearly incomprehensible speaking. Japanese was so *hard* though.  
  
Amaterasu's smile dropped slightly. She raised a hand. It went from being a balmy afternoon in July to midday with a jump in temperature that left everyone but Akane gasping.   
  
"Aka nene aka a. Inferna aka." (Okay, okay! Turn it back before poor Mako-chan faints!)  
  
Amaterasu lowered her hand and the temperature returned to normal. "So, have you decided to be cured or would you prefer to remain a pokemon?"  
  
"Rust a rinnet." (Just a minute.)  
  
"Akane, if you're under a curse you should have it cured," advised Ranma.  
  
Akane looked around, her tail drooping. She was accepted, loved, appreciated here. She'd been there for the kids, she'd been useful around the place. Was it really time to move on? It was so *comfortable* to be an Inferna. Powerful, fast, but to be human again...  
  
Nodoka watched the lioness fretting, and guessed. "Akane-chan, no matter what the problem, know that you have a home here..."  
  
Tears welled up unbidden in Akane's eyes as she walked out into the yard to stand before the oddly dressed woman. "Rokay. Rooo rit!"  
  
Amaterasu raised her hands again and light surrounded the cat. Her form glowed as if she was evolving again and she floated up off the ground. When she settled down again...  
  
"WOW!" Ranma said, openly staring at Akane. Nodoka went to fetch the girl something that might fit.  
  
Akane stared down at herself, then fell down, not being used to moving on two legs anymore.  
  
"Goodbye, Akane. Keep the lessons you've learned close to heart." The woman faded away.  
  
Four kids instantly surrounded the slightly older one in their midst. "Wow! Akane, you're so..."  
  
Akane flinched. Had she come out scarred or had she only partially transformed?  
  
"Young lady, we will talk." Nodoka put the robe around Akane's shoulders and guided her towards the bath. "After you've had a chance to rest. And perhaps learned to walk..."  
  
Genma's eyes were still wide and staring towards where Akane had transformed.  
  
------------  
  
Akane whistled as she got ready for school. She was on top of the world, or close enough. She missed being the powerful lioness. She missed the superior senses and being able to throw flames about with hardly any effort. It had taken three days to relearn walking and moving about in human form. She was still clumsy and felt relatively weak.  
  
On the other hand, she had gained...  
  
"Akane-chan, your bento. And take it easy, you still don't quite have your balance."  
  
"Thanks... mom..." Akane was almost ready to break down again. She had a mom. Okay, not her birth parent mom, but she had a *mother* again. Mrs Saotome had said that after she had gotten used to the talking cat she'd begun thinking of her as more of a daughter than anything else... and now. Now she was really her daughter, legally at least.  
  
She felt all warm and fuzzy, in a different way then she'd been as a pokemon. Her little brother Ranma, her little sister-in-law-to-be Ukyo, their little friends Rei and Makoto. It was a family! Not at all what she had been born to.  
  
The family Akane remembered had been the Tendo household, where her father had had children from two other mothers before her own human mother. Kasumi had been born of a djinni, or genie of air. Nabiki had been born of a dao, or genie of earth. Akane had resented the two for years, before finally understanding that they really hadn't had anything to do with her natural mother dying. By that time the hostility, distrust, and lack of cooperation had become ingrained into their lives. Their mutual father hadn't defused any of the situations either, if anything his insistence that only Akane was his TRUE daughter had ensured the hostility would remain.  
  
Here, the father was an idiot, but worked hard (especially with his wife riding herd on him as much as she did) and certainly knew quite a bit of the martial arts. The mother also knew the martial arts, and was a dignified lady most of the time. She kept the wa of the house in balance, and might have had some weird ideas about Ranma bathing with the girls and such, but had a warm heart and caring manner. Her "little brother" Ranma was showing many of the kind and gentle qualities she had appreciated in Ranko - her first love. His fiancee, Ukyo, was the sort of girl who encompassed loyalty as a primary attribute. So did Makoto and Rei to some extent.  
  
Akane would have done a quick pirouette as soon as she got out the door, if such an activity wouldn't have had her eating dirt again. She'd watched the kids practicing and soon she'd be learning the martial arts again.  
  
She'd miss the raw power, but she thought she had gained more. And it wasn't being able to wear clothes again that she considered the important part.  
  
-------  
  
Heaven:  
  
Several hours had passed before finally Celeste sat back and brushed her unruly bangs out of her eyes. "Got it! Grey is definitely reincarnated into a Ranma-substitute role. He still doesn't have his memories, and the experiences have altered his aura and astral patterns, but there's a 92% match on the akashic."  
  
"How nice," Belle said. "I've already confirmed that the Rei living at the Hikawa temple and training in the Saotome School of martial arts is actually the merged Rei that married him. *She* remembers, having come into contact with him, even if he does not."  
  
"What will happen if we recall him without his Awakening?" Setsuna stretched from where she'd been catching a quick nap.   
  
"Same thing if he tried leaving a timeline with physical wounds. He'd have 'em as part of his pattern until they healed." Celeste considered briefly. "We can try waiting for something to trigger the memories though with that time rate it might be tricky."  
  
"'Might be', she says," drily commented Setsuna.  
  
---------  
  
an SMJ timeline  
  
"Lime, leave that alone..." Otaru shook his head at the antics of the child-seeming marionette.  
  
Lime poked her finger against the nose of the "sleeping" marionette. "Is she broken?"   
  
"She just hasn't found the right one to awaken her, Lime," said the Shogun. Everyone looked down to the little fellow, who'd been about a foot tall ever since the Pheonix Mage had reincarnated him... as a smurf.  
  
"We've *got* to find a way to fix this..." Otaru said, not for the first time.  
  
"Believe me," Shogun Smurf (formerly named Ieyasu) grumped, "it's not something I'm particularly fond of either."   
  
Ginseng walked in. "Declaration: Shogun-sama, all three marionettes check out. Declaration: Only these three out of the six special units bear energy signatures associated with extradimensional transport."  
  
"Could these be the three elite marionettes that Sakyo's records spoke of?" The Shogun tried to summon some degree of dignity. Difficult when Lime tended to view him as a playtoy.  
  
"Assessment: Less than 5% chance. Observation: Indications left behind were sufficient to indicate that the three were not part of a greater group." Ginseng shook her head. "Extrapolation: based on available data, the three units determined that their security had been compromised and relocated to a secondary location."  
  
"You do realize you're talking about when your previous self died." Otaru sounded uncertain. This was like talking to Baiko or Tamasaburo. Not quite the automaton of the common marionette, but not nearly the range of emotions or drive of Lime or the others with Maiden Circuits.  
  
"Affirmative," answered Ginseng, not understanding the other's point.  
  
  
---------  
  
Timeline SM-RN 204117  
  
The nineteen year old girl who threaded her hair back into a "scrunchie" would have been recognizable to a number of people, though sufficient differences were there to make those looks a double or triple take.  
  
"Big sister!" A fifteen year old boy came running up, holding a scrap of cloth in his hands. "You forgot your headband!"  
  
Akane smiled at her little brother and ruffled his hair as she took the proferred item. "Think Pops is right about this place, Ran-chan?"  
  
Ranma pouted at her. "Well, the odds say he's gonna get something right sooner or later."  
  
Akane laughed, not scornfully or hurtfully, but a gentle sound of amusement. "Bets? Yeah, well, something about this training ground bothers me. I don't think I could learn anything here anyway. Just a balance exercise."  
  
"True," Ranma agreed. "Ya do that gym stuff so well, after all. But ya gotta give yerself a break from the Art every so often, oneechan, or you're gonna get as lost as Oyaji outside'a that stuff."  
  
Akane ruffled the boy's hair again, bringing a squall of protest. "Who do you think told you that in the first place? Go on, don't keep Ukyo and the others alone too long or they'll just get in a fight again!"  
  
"You take that back!" *WHAACK!* *CLANG!*  
  
Ranma and Akane shared a glance. "Too late," they said in unison.  
  
Genma came moving quickly. "Ranma! Follow me! Your form has been unbearably sloppy lately!"  
  
Ranma grumped at his stupid old man. "i had to take the High School Entrance Exams! Those were tough, y'know! It wasn't like i was just goofing off like you!"  
  
"All the more reason to train harder and regain the edge you have lost!" Genma flipped up to the top of a bamboo pole. "All that book-learning has made you soft and weak, like a..." The word "girl" was bitten off as Genma was subjected to glares from Akane, and the newly arrived Nodoka, Ukyo, Rei, and Makoto. Mumbling how he had *wanted* this to be a private training trip with just Ranma and him, Genma tried to ignore those glares.  
  
Ranma heard the word anyway and flinched. He had his mother pressuring him to wait until Rei and Makoto reached the Japanese age of consent- 14. Then he was to "do" all three interested girls. Between the mixed messages he was getting from his mother, the three girls in question, his big sister's amused commentary, and the talk at school... he had doubts about his own sexuality, his role in any of this, and whether or not he was some sort of monster for liking three different girls. That each of the three could be so really incredibly nice that it felt like his heart would stop one minute, then call him an idiot and tell him to be a man the next... it was confusing! "Stupid old man, i'll show ya!"  
  
"Go get him, Ranchan!" Ukyo would show that she, the True Fiancee, could be kind and supporting!  
  
"You can do it, Ranma-sempai!" Makoto was no slouch in the cute supportive fiancee department either.  
  
"Kick his butt for me, my love!" Rei was sure she could win this battle. She knew full well that the other two were merely native copies. SHE was his wife. Even if he couldn't remember that.  
  
Glares were exchanged. Only the knowledge of how much Ranma disliked them fighting kept the war from being renewed right there. That and Nodoka's presence. As it was, little sparks seemed to form in midair between the three.  
  
Akane sighed. Ranma was going to have to make a choice soon or blood would likely be drawn. From Rei's comments over the past few years, she was the one who Akane remembered from their previous meetings. On the other hand, Ukyo had a clear claim. Makoto, on the other hand, clearly had some definite connection between the two.  
  
Ranma glared at his father. High School entry exams weren't easy. He didn't have too much trouble with them, except the extra kanji and algebra, and when the heck in Real Life were you ever gonna have to figure out the surface area of a cone? He knew darn well that 9/10th of what was required of him on those tests would turn out to have no practical day-to-day use, but it was required of the society at large that you learn them.  
  
"Ranma! I'm not holding back!" Genma went into a "ready" pose.  
  
"So who asked ya to?" Ranma went into his own ready pose.  
  
"Oy toh shou!" Genma launched an attack.  
  
Ranma flipped out of the way, bounced across two poles, and flipped up and around in attack that barely missed his father.  
  
Nodoka noted the sign on the door.  
On Trip To Nearby Village Of Nichieju.  
Please Do Not Fall In Spring  
Terrible Tragic Story If You Do.  
-Jusenkyo Guide  
  
Rei spoke up finally, having felt more and more uneasy as she got closer to the pools of water. "There's something sad about this place. Ancient sorrows, old pain, tragedy and horror."  
  
Ranma dodged another attack, spinning and legsweeping the larger man into a pool of water. "All right! Akane, you were right, that gymnastics stuff *does* come in handy." Backflip, spin, pose.  
  
There is, in Ranma universes, a certain tendency for things to follow patterns of the mainline. Some would say because of some karma, others because the spirits of the spring were drawn to make a statement of their victims, and others might say it was because it was easiest for the reader/viewer if some things remained the same. What it came down to was: if Genma fell into a pool at Jusenkyo, nine times out of ten it would be the Spring Of Drowned Panda.   
  
A panda leapt out of the pool and aimed a vicious attack at a very surprised Ranma. If this had been really Ranma: nine times out of ten he would land in Spring Of Drowned Girl. *SPLASH!* "ROAARRRRRRRR!"  
  
The Amazon Village was a good distance away. Another valley linked by trails to the Jusenkyo Valley. Traveling by foot took over two hours (unless you knew of a secret trail), though if one could fly the time could be cut to ten minutes. Bypassing chasms, the Inn Of The Dragon's Whisker, and other problems with navigation. The roar of an enraged dragon managed to echo through those chasms, pass the Inn, and resound in a certain village within scant moments. There, a gnarled old troll (thwack) err, a mature Amazon Elder listened briefly, then gathered her Great-Granddaughter and two other Amazons to investigate this.  
  
Meanwhile, back at Jusenkyo, a 54 foot long gleaming silver shape had picked up a panda and slammed it into a cliffside with sufficient force that the cliffside collapsed. Unnoticed in the avalanche was a young man with a yellow shirt and large backpack who was wondering "why me?" and had merely been standing at the wrong place at the wrong time. He was used to being lost, it was just that he was *very* lost today.   
  
"Ranma. That is enough." Nodoka strode up to her son and allowed her voice to rise ever so slightly. "Dig your father out of the rubble."  
  
Ranma quickly did, moving the stone until the panda was found.  
  
"Oh sirs, terrible tragic story!" The Guide worried about this. If they'd found out that he was off seeing an elderly Amazon lady of his acquaintance during business hours, it could be plenty bad trouble for him. He went on about how there were all these springs and each had a terrible tragic story, and how hot water cured the curse but only until cold water transformed them again. He was just getting to the point where he got to tell them about how the various villages locally used the waters when the Musk Dynasty proved that they didn't like people blowing up sections of their "sacred" springs.  
  
When the Amazons arrived, it was to find a number of people flattened and five warriors fighting a dragon. Then it became obvious that some of the people fighting were fighting *alongside* the dragon, not against it. Then Shampoo gave an involuntary gasp as the dragon became something else.  
  
"Which ones are the bad guys?" Sugar asked Spice. "They are all outsiders."  
  
"Watch, wait, observe. Act when we know," counseled Spice.  
  
"You don't want to just go out and kick butt?" Shampoo asked the two.   
  
A bonk on Shampoo's head indicated that her grandmother had arrived.  
  
---------  
  
Ranma was tired. He wasn't used to this body at all, though it felt oddly familiar. Akane had already thrashed one of the attackers into unconsciousness. Makoto and Rei had held one's attention long enough for Ukyo to bash it. This last one though, was proving quite troublesome. Already his father and mother had been knocked aside, almost casually by this bishonen guy. The same bishonen fellow who pounded on him until Ranma fell half in and half out of a pool.  
  
The boy said something that the dazed Ranma put down as being in Chinese, then casually leaned to shove Ranma in with a foot. Makoto and Ukyo leapt from the sides, distracting him long enough for Rei to throw an "Akuryo Taisan" and Akane to recover from her own battles. Ranma recovered enough to get out of the pool even as Makoto went flying through two of the poles and impacted heavily into a cliffside. Ukyo, having practiced her own martial arts style as well as the Saotome Ryuu, lasted a little longer but she ended up following her own spatula into a segment of cliff alongside Makoto.  
  
Then Akane arrived as Rei scrambled backwards. Akane chained movements together rapidly, battering down the white-haired guy's defenses. Ranma ended the fight by blindsiding the bishonen, not realizing until after this last attacker had fallen that he'd actually struck with claws! And then the other changes caught up with him...  
  
"AAAAaaaaaaaaa!"  
  
-------------  
  
Rei waved her hand in front of the girl's face. "Still out of it."  
  
Makoto blew an errant hair out of her face. "Poor Ranma..."  
  
"I think his mother going on about wanting him, er, her, I mean HIM to walk more like a lady is what pushed him over the edge," commented Ukyo. "Ya gotta admit the wings are pretty..."  
  
"Somehow I don't think 'pretty' would reassure him," said Makoto. "Where's Akane and the adults, anyway?"  
  
"Akane's got that 'blood sister' rite with the Amazons. You gonna go?" Ukyo stretched, Ranma was *no* fun at this stage, just locked into some private horror.  
  
"Might as well. That old woman explained it easy enough." Makoto shrugged. "If the Village is in trouble and we can, we help. If we're in trouble, and they can help, they do. Not a big deal, as long as they don't expect me to take a plane."  
  
Rei nodded. "Doesn't seem too bad. If some of 'em come out and want to work at the Temple while staying there, as long as it's not too many at the same time, it could work."  
  
Ukyo sighed. "And another place I can sell 'yaki. Can you believe they've never heard of it here?"  
  
Ranma continued staring at something only she could see.  
  
----------  
  
Akane listened with half an ear, the ceremony being largely in Chinese, and Akane's Chinese was restricted to a few dozen handy phrases like "where's the bathroom" and "if you don't remove that hand it will proceed you into the next life" or the ever so frequently used "this doesn't have dog or cat in it, does it?"  
  
The Heir to the Saotome School (Ranma just not having quite the same level of dedication)nodded and bared her palm at the appropriate time. The slice was quick and clean, the shared blood between the Champion of the Nichieju and the Heir of the Saotome School forging a bond. Now Akane could learn the Amazon techniques, the Amazons could learn the Saotome techniques that weren't "sealed" or completely ridiculous, and both could strengthen from it.  
  
She was a bit distracted by little brother's plight. She remembered over ten years previously, hearing about his misadventures and seeing the gleaming dragonform. Now it had briefly appeared, but his karma had apparently tangled with the original Ranma's and that form had been corrupted. Dragon-girl. She'd be amused if he hadn't been so devastated. That tail looked to be a real pain, not to mention the wings and horns and fangs and eyes.  
  
Akane caught the look from her bond-sister as the ceremony was completed. She'd impressed them, particularly the old woman, but tomorrow she'd have to prove to the rest of the tribe that she was strong. They respected strength here, and as a member of the tribe they'd give respect to another member based on that strength. So tomorrow she'd be fighting Shampoo, full power, nothing held back. On either side.   
  
It would at least be interesting.  
  
------------  
  
Akane leapt back, taking the measure of the Amazon Champion as those bonbori were quickly seperated from her. Then, as it wouldn't do any good to humiliate someone she'd rather have as an ally, proceeded to take a beating. She wanted to win, yes, but to go flat out against Shampoo would have caused resentment among many.  
  
Shampoo looked puzzled, then angry, as the expected block didn't occur. She went in for a grapple and hissed her comment just loud enough for Akane. "Elders watch. You not hold back!"  
  
Akane winced. True, the Elders probably would be experienced enough to realize that she was holding back a lot. "Okay..." Akane still held back, her opponent was good. Damn good. Better than most of the sensei and students she'd run into back in Japan. Akane, on the other hand, had become human and had dedicated herself to the Art with a vengeance in order to regain her motor skills and because she saw a need to be beyond good with the sort of things she'd heard about in that Asgard place.  
  
The fighting turned up a notch, then another, then another. Shampoo was now desperately on the defensive, unable to spare anything for an attack. Akane judged this to be the absolute limit she could use against Shampoo without taking the chance of seriously hurting the Amazon, and not just in the pride department. Finally exhaustion began to show and Shampoo missed a block. A kick slammed into her chin, flipping her off the Challenge Log and down to the sands below.  
  
Akane made a show of wiping sweat off her forehead as the crowd went silent. Had she misjudged this?  
  
Finally the Amazons cheered by thumping weapons against the ground, though a few turned away in disgust. Those couldn't have been helped unless Akane had deliberately lost, and with the Elders in attendence she didn't think that she could have gotten away with that.  
  
"Child," Cologne said, startling Akane who hadn't sensed the old woman's approach, "you've done well, though I suspect you took it easy on Shampoo because you didn't want to hurt her. Care to try me, instead?"  
  
Akane smiled. "Perhaps another time, now, what was this about a technique for shattering boulders with a touch?"  
  
--------  
  
Heaven:  
  
"Got it." Celeste got up and stretched. "It's set, next time something happens that gives him a plausible 'out' - he'll be yanked out of that timeline and end up at Archway Two. Rei will continue on for a few days, but will get yanked herself when she's alone or when in a similar situation - whichever comes first. Akane seems comfortable in her new life, so we can leave her there. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get my backups done."  
  
Setsuna frowned at Celeste's retreating back. "Leaving personnel behind? No. I'll have to copy the 'pull' routine on Rei over to Akane. THIS one has done nothing wrong."  
  
"Matter of time, it is," mumbled Mambo Jack, being as pessimistic as ever.  
  
"Oh, look, on Ranma's sixteenth birthday, Genma remembers the arrangement with the Tendos." Belle brought it up, sensing that this would be different somehow.  
  
---------  
  
Timeline SM-RN 204117  
  
"Stupid Oyaji..." Ranma grumped as he slumped into the tub. "Some birthday *this* is."  
  
First it had been that he had to take Ranma someplace "special" and then his father had dropped this little bombshell. An engagement? Ukyo was going to be *ticked*! Makoto and Rei would be most unhappy. He'd snuck a quick phone call to his mother but was uncertain about her reaction, he'd pointed out that his idiot father was trying to have a priest show up *that night* and was trying to push this through without the approval of any of the three girls or him.  
  
Well, that last was no surprise. When had his stupid father ever been anything but disappointed in him? Always yelling, always putting him down. It wasn't *his* fault that he lagged behind Akane's skill level. Heck the Amazons had nicknamed her "Little Mountain" because when she wanted to - that's what her fist felt like. Like you'd just been hit with mountain. Makoto and Rei were also pretty good at Anything Goes, better at some things than he was, not as good in others.  
  
His mother had hung up on the call abruptly, maybe that meant this whole thing had her approval but Ranma had thought Ukyo had met her approval. (Though she also seemed to approve of Rei and Makoto in some odd way, which always confused each of those involved.)  
  
Of course, arriving he had gotten splashed, dragged in by the panda. He'd tried to explain but things had not gone well. Somehow or other, the youngest girl had gotten pushed forward by the other two as the candidate for the engagement. "He's half girl, after all."  
  
Things had rapidly gone downhill. Whatshername. Oh yeah, Akane, same as big sister. This Akane had yelled and insulted, and the two had exchanged a few unpleasantries. Ranma had gone off to work it out of his system, making the phone call to home, but then Akane had entered the dojo with apparently the same idea. Ranma had walked off, angry, and the oldest girl had suggested a nice soak in their furo to calm down.  
  
Bringing him here. Let's see, the oldest girl was on happy drugs. The middle girl kept asking questions about his finances, and seemed a bit shifty. The youngest was apparently a lesbian. An angry lesbian. An angry chip-on-her-shoulder, boys-should-be-eliminated-at-birth, lesbian. Or maybe they'd all just made lousy first impressions? Well, he hadn't done too well at that himself.  
  
A bit calmer, Ranma got up out of the furo. Time to face the music and see if he could just get the heck home. He already had a fiancee, thank you very much, and while he and Ukyo had their little spats, they at least knew each other, cared about each other, and could spend time enjoying each other's company.  
  
The door slid open, Akane stepped in, and stopped.  
  
Ranma stopped, surprised, and dropped his towel. "I *know* I put the 'occupied' sign up there..."  
  
Akane frowned, stepped closer and swung.  
  
*SLAP!*  
  
Ranma frowned and considered the slap to his cheek for just a moment.  
  
*SLAP!*  
  
Akane blinked, her own head spun to the side from the force of the slap. Surprise was quickly replaced by thoroughly ticked.  
  
*SLAP! SLAP!*  
  
Ranma glared at the girl who had just slapped him, then slapped him again as she retracted her striking hand.  
  
*SLAP! SLAP!*  
  
Akane growled at this jerk who DARED to strike her. *IN HER OWN BATHROOM!* "You...."  
  
*KICK!*  
  
Ranma winced and nearly folded as the girl's kick connected just enough to send a major spasm of pain. He viewed this as confirmation that this was one of those man hating lesbians. Therefore, treating her as a lady was out.  
  
-----------  
  
"Yes, Saotome, a fine match." Genma laughed aloud.  
  
There was the sound of porcelain fixtures breaking from elsewhere in the House.  
  
Soun grinned. "Yes, Saotome! Now our plans to join the Schools will be fulfilled!"  
  
Sound of breaking glass followed by the sound of someone's head being forcefed into a toilet.  
  
"Ah, it sounds like the sparks are heating up! Our futures are assured!" Genma nodded at his old friend.  
  
Sound of fighting with what sounded like a number of bits of porcelain being smashed to smaller and smaller pieces.  
  
"I don't understand, Saotome, what were these complications you spoke of earlier?" Soun was puzzled about his friend's hesitance in bringing the boy over. Hadn't this been their lifelong dream?  
  
There was the sound of a wall breaking apart, in fact, it sounded remarkably like someone had used someone else's face to batter a hole in said wall.  
  
"Nothing to worry about, Tendo." Genma sighed contentedly. "Hey, is that a shogi board?"  
  
There was a loud thump as one teenager pulled another teenager out the hole in the wall, then the second teenager managed to shift position enough that the first teenager hit first.  
  
"Why, yes. Brings back old times, doesn't it, Saotome?"  
  
Akane ran by, hefted a stone lantern, and lifted it over her head with a yell before throwing the massive object at her tormentor.  
  
"So true, Tendo. I wonder what's keeping that priest?"  
  
A dumbbell, followed by another dumbbell, followed by the barbell and a whole lot of free weights were dodged by Akane.  
  
"Well, they don't generally allow cars in the neighborhood. An ordinance passed some time ago." Soun waved it off.  
  
Akane leapt at Ranma, Ranma leapt at Akane. There was a loud splash as both fell into the koi pond. Ranma came out with dragon wings, a change of gender, tail, and temper.  
  
"So, your girl seems to know a bit of the Art."  
  
Screaming in incoherent rage, two teenagers continued to try to reduce each other to bloody pulp by ripping up the clothesline poles and using them as clubs.  
  
"So does your boy. Nice they're hitting it off that well."  
  
Ranma ran past the shogi board. Akane, holding a katana, ran past less than two seconds later.  
  
"Kind of reminds me of when I met Nodoka," said Genma approvingly.  
  
"HEY! NOT IN MY KITCHEN! AKANE! NO! DON'T!"  
  
There came from the kitchen the sound of a katana being wielded indiscriminately and various pieces of cookware being thrown at the katana wielder.  
  
"It must be love," agreed Soun.  
  
"NOW I'VE GOT YOU!"  
  
"Chestnuts roasting on an open fire! Ah-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-TA!"  
  
"Hah! You missed.... YOU PERVERT! HOW DARE YOU HIT ME THERE!"  
  
"...my kitchen..."  
  
"ICK! i think i could clean my fist for a week and it still wouldn't feel clean. This never happens to big sister."  
  
"Well if your hand offends me, I'll just CUT IT OFF! AND YOUR LITTLE DOG TOO!"  
  
"Ahhhh!" Sound of someone running up stairs.  
  
Genma nodded. "We are such wise parents to have made this match."  
  
"what?! HEY, THIS IS MY ROOM! GET OUT!"  
  
"You're trapped now, pervert!"  
  
"Breaking point!" *BOOOM!*  
  
"...my room..."  
  
"DIE!"  
  
"SHINNEI!"  
  
"Yes, Saotome, I quite agree," said Soun with a nod. "Oh, it's my move."  
  
"Breaking point combined with the Chestnut Fist! A-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-TA!"  
  
There came a sound of most of the second floor of the Tendo household exploding.  
  
Kasumi's plaintive voice came from what was left of the stairwell. "My kitchen...my room?!"  
  
Nabiki walked down the stairs, shock and horror mixed on her features. "...my room?! My stuff... my camera... all go boomy..."  
  
"COME BACK HERE YOU PERVERT!" Sound of unidentifiable items being thrown.  
  
"Like anyone would want to look at THAT face? Ug-ly!"  
  
"Still, shouldn't the priest be here soon? We can have the wedding on the instant!" Genma nodded at his own thought. After all, the sooner the boy was married, the sooner he could present Nodoka with a fait accompli.  
  
"Of course, Saotome." Soun pointed. "Isn't that him there?" When Genma looked, Soun started moving pieces.  
  
"No, that's just Nabiki. Odd hairstyle she's got." Genma frowned, not having remembered the board being in this bad a position.  
  
One wall of the dojo exploded as Ranma was forced through it. Akane, her towel long forgotten, snarled as she confronted the dragongirl. "DIE!"  
  
Genma and Soun stopped playing shoji as a less comprehensible sound entered their gameplay.  
  
Akane dropped the bloody sword, anger forgotten as she realized exactly what she had done. "Oh... I... but... he..."   
  
Genma looked out into the lawn and frowned. "Ranma? Boy, you disappoint your father, what do you think you're..."  
  
Soun dropped the shogi piece he had just palmed.  
  
---------  
  
Heaven:  
  
"We got him, we got him, we... don't got him? What the heck?" Fleece checked her boards. This was going to screw her bets up royally. "Something interfered. Trying to trace."  
  
"How about Akane and Rei? Do we recall them now?" Mambo Jack was slightly more concerned about the girls. Grey, he figured Oblivion would almost be something desirable at this point.  
  
"Negative. They'll pop over in time. We need to isolate whatever grabbed him before they go."  
  
---------  
  
Timeline SM-RN 204117  
  
Nodoka was coming, quietly, dignified, slowly, stoic.  
  
Ukyo, Makoto, and Rei were also coming. Not quietly. Lacking dignity. Neither stoic nor slow.  
  
Two fourteen year old girls had managed to get, over the years, some degree of maternal approval of their choice of future boyfriend/husband. Ukyo was the tried and true fiancee, the one that had been with Ranma through thick and thin. All three had their moments where they argued with him, and/or wanted to shake some sense into that fool head. All three had their moments where they just wanted to cuddle up with Ranma for a few hours, or do any number of other things that might have been thoroughly improper but which might have been quite satisfying.  
  
One sixteen year old girl planned on making a panda okonomiyaki. Rei and Makoto, for once, were of one mind on this and thought Ukyo had a wonderful idea.  
  
Far, far ahead of them, however, was the Heir to the Saotome School. The adopted daughter of Nodoka and Genma. She was just hoping that Ranma hadn't lost his temper, something he'd been developing lately. Akane thought it likely that Genma's little experiment with an "improvement" on the Breaking Point training had produced some form of internal injury. Ranma had even been complaining of frequent headaches and light sensitivity since then.  
  
Now this.  
  
Akane leapt the compound wall and was struck with how familiar it all looked. There was the dojo and the house, there was a version of Kasumi and Nabiki. Except it looked as though a war had gone on. Sections of the second floor had been blown apart, there was smoke rising from the kitchen area, water was spraying from what was likely the bathroom, the dojo had a major hole in one side, and there was... herself. Younger, not as refined or tall or strong, a bloody sword at her feet, staring at what was just past the old man...  
  
Akane leapt again, to land and check the figure whose eyes stared sightlessly upward. With a deep sigh, she placed the head closer to the rest of the body. "Who wants to explain this?"  
  
Her younger version seemed to stir herself out of shock. "It's HIS fault, not my fault. Notmyfault, notmyfault, notmyfault."   
  
There was a cracking sound and a section of the Tendo house collapsed.  
  
Akane listened to babbled explanations, she watched, and she casually shut off the gas lines. Finally, as three young girls finally caught up, Akane thought she had the gist of it. "So, what you're saying is that *all* of you are at fault."  
  
There were denials from the ones who had been here, shrieks from the newly arrived, and the crash and tinkle of yet something else falling and shattering within the Tendo home. Kasumi brought her younger sister a gi, which the native Akane practically jumped into when she realized she still naked.  
  
Noting that Nodoka-okaasan was finally within earshot, Akane Saotome decided to summarize what she'd learned. "Okay, what happened was that Baka-oyaji got it into his head that the old verbal agreement between the Tendo and Saotome families took precedence over taking Ukyo's dowry and HER engagement to Ranma."  
  
"That's right, it's a matter of honor," agreed Soun Tendo, earning him a look of utter contempt from Ukyo among others.  
  
"Then," Akane continued, "discovering that their fiance was not especially wealthy and was young, the two other daughters decided to foist this problem off on their youngest sister despite the two getting into a yelling match almost from the beginning."  
  
"But... doesn't the fact that they immediately tried to hurt each other prove they love each other?" Three girls stared at Kasumi as if she'd just said something ridiculously stupid.  
  
Akane revised her opinion of this Kasumi down. Her OWN Kasumi had been a djinn, but had never been a ditz. Or a raving lunatic. "Then the two REALLY started blowing up at each other, and you two called a priest and started pressuring to have the wedding done tonight before anyone else could protest."  
  
"...not my fault... I'm a nice girl, everyone knows that. Why can't they all leave me alone?"  
  
Ignoring the native Akane, the one nicknamed "Little Mountain" by the Amazons continued. "Then, when Ranma got in from the dojo, Kasumi here sent him in to bathe and try to calm down. THEN you, Nabiki, sent Akane in to bathe. Living with me and Ukyo, I know Ranma would have put the occupied sign out. So, Akane goes in to bathe, Ranma's in the nude, and another fight goes down."  
  
"...hey. HEY! I'm the victim here!" Akane finally shook off her shock. "I'm..." Akane got her first good look at her older self's face. "EEEEEEPP!"  
  
Everyone else started getting out of their shock as they noticed the resemblence between the two Akanes. One was the long haired Akane Tendo, a girl of sixteen with traces of a chubby baby still showing in her face. The other was the lean twenty year old, her black hair lightened slightly by long exposure to sun and the elements.  
  
Akane Saotome had been a Pyrolion then had evolved into Inferna. Some of the evolution had carried over to her transformation back to human. She was taller, leaner, and had a taut figure that would have earned a plastic surgeon worldwide fame. Intensive consuming practice in the Anything Goes style had hardened her figure a bit, gotten that exposure to sun and rain, and given her a dangerous air. Akane Tendo was a cute little kitten, Akane Saotome the sensual and fully developed tigress. There was a similar look to the two in their faces and they shared a similar "feel" about them but that was about where the similarities ended.  
  
"So that's what he meant by saying little sister wasn't a tenth of what HIS Akane was like." Nabiki finally broke the silence.  
  
"Oh my."  
  
"You're... me?!" Akane Tendo blinked then shook her head. "No! You're like THAT monster. A demon! I'll..."  
  
Akane Saotome effortlessly lifted Akane Tendo up with one hand in the collar of her gi. "That's it. First you kill my little brother. Then you continue to insult his memory. I can't believe there is *any* of me in you, so... in full view of the Heads of both Clans, I call a bloodfeud."  
  
"LET GO OF ME! It's not my fault! Help, Father!"  
  
A spatula blocked the Tendo patriarch's progress.  
  
"Bloodfeud has been called," Nodoka said, stepping forward. "I decline to make this a feud of clans. You may declare a personal vendetta, but no more."  
  
"Please don't kill her. Akane's a very nice girl, she's just a violent maniac." Kasumi bit her lip. That hadn't come out quite as she intended.  
  
"So be it," Akane held her younger self out at arm's length and pressed the younger version's back against the wall. "Akane Tendo, I challenge you. If I win, I shall use a technique I learned from the Amazons to seal your knowledge of the Art. If you win, you shall never see nor hear from me again. Do you accept the challenge?"  
  
---------------  
  
well, i wanted to do a different version of the "Ranma meets the Tendos" and avoid going over the same old stuff again. Did i succeed?  
  
A chance for the more typical Akane to go up against the version that the various Knights rave about (though in the Ranma Project i see little evidence of this) - Akane Saotome is the "best martial artist", "nicest, most well rounded girl", "honest", "straightforward", "intelligent", "conquering spirit", "most perfect girl" etc. Hmmm. A near-perfect Akane vs regular Akane. Who would win?  
  
====================  
  
Third Labor, fourth chapter (prologue)  
"Clockwork Apple?"  
  
The following chapter includes bits and pieces from a number of series.   
  
WHAT'S HAPPENED: Attempting to enter his Third Labor (fixing a pair of Demonic Interventions in a non-anime timeline), Grey has been sidetracked by a Gate malfunction (caused by most of his fiancees trying to sneak along and Son Usagi's power fluctuation during the transport process). Due to Eris' (Greek goddess of discord and misery, Ares' sister) secret plan, his attempt to find the scattered fiancees is falling apart from several sources. The latest of which is a discordance in the Binding (a spell placed on Grey by an Elder god of mischief) which now has the boy reincarnating through time and space, but as Duty is a major facet of his existence- still trying to safely gather the fiancees.  
  
This is still the prologue because they're still trying to get to the mission.  
  
---------  
  
a timeline that is NOT usually connected to SM or RN:  
  
Mamoru Tengoku thrashed in his sleep, consumed by odd dreams as he had for years, though there seemed to be an urgency in them tonight.  
  
In one dream he was a warrior associated with a minor House, related vaguely to some golden haired girl! There he became the consort of the Queen, which was much like being her personal slave in many ways. There he was eventually dumped by the Queen, as she viewed an emotional attachment to a single man to be a weakness. In that dream he was approached by a ponytailed girl in a green dress, and then by a girl with long green hair. Eventually the ponytailed girl went off after another who more fit her ideals, only to return and find that the girl with a staff had consolidated her hold over him. Then the staff-wielder was called away to a long duty, and he was alone again. The dream ended in nightmare as the Kingdom fell, beneath the force of something called the Invincible Shadow.  
  
In the second dream he was a metal man, working alongside the reincarnated princess he had been related to in the first dream. That dream ended happier, with the enemy vanquished and the princess engaged to the hero, and as for himself- he walked off citing Duty.  
  
The third dream had elements of the first two. Many of the same faces, yet subtly different. Instead of being related to the blonde girl, he was her cat and then changed to her "boyfriend" in human form. The same girls were now friends and comrades-in-battle and if some seemed to want something more from him, he wasn't quite sure what that something was. There were broken flashes of this dream, and he ended up with a profound feeling of loss.  
  
Mamoru slowly picked himself up, wondering what his subconscious was trying to tell himself.  
  
"Mamoru-kuuuunnn!" Kyusu twirled as he entered. "Good morning! How are you, my love!"  
  
"Put a sock in it, Kyusu." Mamoru groaned, feeling like he'd just been pounded by a unskilled masseause. "Ain't your love, never have been, never will be. Just give it up."  
  
"Ah, eventually you will change your fickle heart, and realize that we are meant to be together. Forget your obsession with Otaru's marionettes and realize that only two men can find" *WHAM!*  
  
The book (a heavy tome on marionette engineering) hung for a moment against Kyusu's face before the two fell.   
  
"This is MY workshop, Kyusu. YOU are merely my annoying neighbor who clings to the old ways. What about Doctor Lorelei's clones and the rebirth of the woman?" Mamoru grunted and dragged Kyusu out. No WAY was he going to change out of his pajamas with THAT hentai watching.  
  
All in all, it was shaping up to be a typical day, and Mamoru Tengoku was heartily tired of typical days.  
  
Kyusu proved that he could recover quickly. "Mamoruuu-kun!" *GLOMP!*  
  
Mamoru frowned, slammed his elbow into Kyusu's nose, and then threw the offending person through the window. As it was just a split cloth covering, it was not as dramatic as it could have been.  
  
Allowing that he wouldn't be able to get any work done today, as Kyusu was getting entirely too annoying, the repairman/inventor decided to make housecalls and do research. He was just barely sixteen, after all, and there was much to learn.  
  
Mamoru smiled, thinking that this would work out. Maybe he'd even have a chance to see Otaru's marionettes again! They were fascinating, their special circuit giving them emotions and independence that a regular marionette didn't have. Mamoru would allow Kyusu one thing, a marionette without a "virgin circuit" was just a mechanical doll. However, Mamoru was one of those like his sempai Gennai or Otaru himself whose opinion varied from those like Kyusu in what happened *with* the addition of that circuit. In their opinion, a marionette with the circuit ceased being a doll and became a person...  
  
"Mamoru? I have tickets for the festival!"  
  
Yep, sounded like a good day to be conducting business away from the shop.  
  
-----------  
  
Akane Tendo faced Akane Saotome, the rain coming through the open hole in the wall of the dojo making the floor slick between them.  
  
"Why do you look like me, anyway?" The sixteen year old demanded of the supermodel version of herself. It was easier to face this older woman than the mess she'd made in the back yard by decapitating a boy named Ranma.  
  
"I see no resemblance," said the twenty year old. "You're stupid, needlessly violent, pushy, arrogant, and lacking in discipline. You're a brawler, not a martial artist."  
  
"I was good enough to..." Akane Tendo bit that comment back, turning pale.  
  
"Good enough to kill Ranma?" The evolved version finished for her. "Let's see how good you are then. Or was it just luck?"  
  
Nabiki looked back and forth between the two, seeing the resemblence but not understanding any more than Akane. "Begin..."  
  
Akane T started across the floor at a run.   
  
Akane S seemed to blur and appear behind the teenager. "Too slow," she said, tapping a spot in the back of her younger self's head.  
  
Akane T swung around and tried a Stonebreaker Punch.  
  
Akane S swiveled her hips slightly, moving effortlessly out of the way. "Too clumsy," she said, tapping the other's elbow as it passed by. "I know an old Chinese woman who could chew you up and spit you out like bad rice."  
  
Akane T launched another attack, going for an all out axe kick.  
  
Akane S swept the leg up with enough force to flip Akane T in the air, tapping her neck, back, and left knee during the "hang time." As Akane T picked herself off the floor, Akane S went back to her corner. "Didn't retract quickly enough, overextended yourself, and got fancy when you should be concentrating on the basics."  
  
"SHUT UP!" Akane T launched herself at this infuriating imposter. She knew what was going on now, this person was trying to replace her!  
  
Akane S weaved around the flurry of punches. "Anger rarely serves its wielder. A true martial artist seeks control: of her environment, of her battle, and of herself." Another lightning fast jab landed on the younger girl.  
  
"Fight me for REAL! Stop playing (gasp) around!" Akane T started forward again only to have her fist caught in the other girl's palm.  
  
"Okay," said Akane S, "so you want me to go all out?"  
  
Akane T tugged her hand free. She was especially good at counterattacks. The training from the idiot squad at Furinkan's gates every morning saw to that. "That would make me ecstatic."  
  
Akane S dodged another attack, but smiled. A little sadly it seemed. She really didn't like to hurt anyone, given the choice, but some lessons could only be learned the hard way. "Lesson five: be careful what you wish for. You might get it."  
  
Nabiki blinked as the older Akane suddenly went "all out."  
  
----------  
  
Elseworld:  
  
Mamoru sighed. The Japonesse Historical Museum was just one of the places that he knew Kyusu would avoid normally given any choice. It was...  
  
Mamoru's train of thought derailed as he stared. He wasn't even aware he'd walked forward until he was in front of the marionette.  
  
"APPLE! APPLE!" The man whose marionette this apparently was growled at the frozen figure. "Damn, if I could find anyone stupid enough to buy this useless..."  
  
"How much?" Mamoru blinked as he realized he'd spoken.   
  
"Who? Tengoku? Gennai's pupil, aren't you?" The fellow, Mamoru recognized him as Safiel, one of the volunteer caretakers. "Are you sure? This marionette keeps malfunctioning, and I doubt even Gennai could keep it running."  
  
Mamoru rose to the challenge. "Hey, if i don't try to do difficult things, i'll never learn as much as i could!"  
  
Safiel frowned as he realized that Apple had frozen except that it's eyes continued to stare at the tinkerer. A suspicion formed and he remembered the rest of his instructions. "Well, I've got to get a new one, so how about sixty four hundred?"  
  
"C'mon, Safiel, i'm just a fixit man. There's rent and food, parts, and all the rest. Besides, she's a defective unit and used. Twelve hundred."  
  
Safiel considered and admitted that this kid probably couldn't afford much more than that, and he had his orders. "Twelve hundred then. I can get a rebuilt unit at a junk shop for less than that."  
  
"C'mon Apple..." Mamoru didn't understand it, but he HAD to fix this unit. And there was something just unbearably sad about the dull lifeless green eyes as if SOMETHING should be there. Maybe he could get that prototype Virgin Circuit to work...  
  
Safiel waited until the two were out of sight before using a shortrange radio. "This is Safiel. Apple is prepared."  
  
---------  
  
Akane Tendo hit. She hit the ceiling, the floor, the walls, the ground outside the dojo, the koi pond, the compound wall...  
  
The problem was that she was hitting them in the manner of a projectile and not in the manner of a martial artist.  
  
"And this is a manuever known as the Rising Dragon Uppercut..." Akane Saotome demonstrated, still adopting the manner of a teacher. *WHAM!*  
  
"Oh!" Soun gushed. "The Splitting Cat Hairs, the Chestnut Fist, the Breaking Point, the Dragon Sky Ascension, the Roaring Tiger Backflip, the Deadly Tarantula Palmgrip, the Mantis Scissors Grip, the Blind Man's Bluff, the Rising Dragon Uppercut! To think that I would live so long as to witness them!"  
  
"Ahem," Nabiki interjected, "she's actually showing them to Akane and even I can tell she's still not using full force."  
  
"Huh?" Soun blinked. "Oh, right."  
  
Genma stared at the floor. "I'm dead. I am SO dead. No, No-chan is going to find something worse than seppuku for THIS." Everyone ignored him, he'd been repeating variants of this for some time.   
  
Akane S finally put her counterpart over one knee and hit a paralysis point. "Maybe I ought to change my name. Oh, by the way, Akane. This is called... the Xi Fang Gao shiatsu technique!"  
  
Soun blinked again. "Amazing!"  
  
Nabiki nodded, impressed. "I'll say. She washed Akane's hair and dried it in less than five seconds. What it's supposed to do, I don't know..."  
  
Akane addressed her native father and sister. "Oh, by the way. I also consider the blame here for not reigning in Miss Tendo to fall on other shoulders..."  
  
Nabiki gulped. Soun sweated. The two turned to flee.  
  
---------  
  
Elseworld:  
  
"...so anyway in that Kingdom place, i called you Jupiter, which is kinda funny 'cause you don't look like i'd expect Zeus to look like," Mamoru continued to talk to the android as he worked on her. He had her back open and little connectors leading from the opening to various diagnostic scanners and equipment. "However in that one where you're chasing after that guy with the flaming hair, he calls you 'Lita' - short for Lightning i'd assume. Then there's that fragmented one, but you're there and smiling and i got the name 'Makochan' out of *that* so i'm not sure which is correct."  
  
The android, of course, didn't reply. Merely sat there staring blankly at the wall. Only by reading displays would one be able to tell that she was listening.  
  
"Okay," Mamoru said and pressed a switch, "bringing up systems. Designation of unit?"  
  
"Apple," said the marionette in a thick voice.  
  
"Hmmm, need to make an adjustment to the voice circuit... OK. Try now. Give unit parameters."  
  
The marionette seemed to stir slightly. "Unit designate Apple. Primary function: Domestic. Classification: Sabre Marionette Special. Manufacture: Classified. Status: Unfinished."  
  
Mamoru frowned. "Manufacture is classified? By whom?"  
  
The marionette's voice was flat and emotionless, though less mechanical sounding. "Data classified."  
  
Mamoru considered that but realized he likely wouldn't be able to get the data without information from another source, or ripping out the memory circuits. "Never mind, for now. What remains unfinished on status?"  
  
"Construction of unit was interrupted. Data classified. Passcode required for full activation."   
  
Apple had remained emotionless in voice, but Mamoru noted something that nearly made his heart stop. "Apple, why are your tear ducts operating?"  
  
"Malfunction noted. Correcting."  
  
Mamoru *knew* something was up. Why did this marionette look like one of the females in his dreams? Except for the blank expression, eyes, and that thing she had her in hair. And the malfunction? It had looked as if she was crying! Maybe if he approached from an oblique angle. "Apple. List primary skill packages."  
  
Apple nodded. "Gardening, Basic. Cooking, Basic. Maintenence, Basic. Basic Domestic."   
  
Mamoru frowned, no clue there. He suspected Safiel wasn't the first owner at the very least. Hmmm. "Apple, prepare to shut down for maintenence cycle. i'm going to check and see if i can repair your movement coordinator."  
  
Apple complied, slumping forward slightly.  
  
---------  
  
Another universe entirely:  
  
Nabiki's hands shook as she approached the school. A month had gone by since Akane Saotome had struck with a single shiatsu attack. The effect had long faded, as Doctor Tofu had said, but the damage was done.  
  
"The Babble Point" she'd called it. Any time, any question, and Nabiki would answer truthfully and completely without hesitation.   
  
At first it had been HELL for Nabiki. She had suddenly had no secrets. Just Goemon asking "how's it going?" had opened a floodgate. Every and any aspect of her existence had become a matter of public scrutiny. Her pride and reputation had been destroyed within hours.  
  
Then the questions slowed, and stopped. A few continued for a time, enjoying the sight of the cold mercenary witch Nabiki Tendo squirming helplessly. Someone had intervened, and the reason had nearly destroyed Nabiki all over again. Pity. Four days later, she discovered that the effect had stopped and she could answer or not, back to normal again.  
  
Except that her empire had been destroyed, her careful use of blackmail and tricks had been uncovered and defused, and that she was still the subject of Pity among other things. As she'd been the victim of something horrible, people still tried to befriend her and look out for her. People still tried to protect the Ice Queen...  
  
Nabiki had been devastated, broken, driven to the ground, but the Tendo family were samurai in ancestry and had a core of iron. She survived. As Akane Saotome had abruptly disappeared (speculation was that as Genma had run off during the seppuku required of him, she was out there somewhere still chasing after him) revenge against the fighter was something Nabiki could entertain herself with planning but couldn't commit. At the moment.   
  
Instead, Nabiki smiled, ducked her head, and was greeted by some of her new friends. She could eventually rebuild her empire, but that might just get knocked down around her head again. Her eyes caught her sister's form and shuddered.  
  
Akane had come to school the morning after the fight, not suspecting a thing. Then she'd started stumbling. Every time she'd tried to punch or kick, she'd gotten pounded. She'd ended up going out with most of the boys in her class, most of whom had turned out to not have enough nerve to try anything. Those that HAD tried something had found out that Akane was still strong enough to break groping fingers.  
  
Akane had ended up going out with Kuno the first night but apparently Miss Saotome had kept an eye on the proceedings. When Kuno had attempted to take liberties, well, Nabiki had never heard of a "Ice Cold Libido" shiatsu spot before but apparently it worked. Kuno had since dropped pursuing Akane or even any female companionship. That was prior to Akane Saotome's disappearance at least. Who knew what would happen if *that* wore off.  
  
And her father... Nabiki twitched a little. Apparently Miss Saotome had spent a lot of time around the Amazons. Her father was now undergoing "bridal training" from some "girl" named Dowel.   
  
As for Kasumi... Nabiki twitched again. The last she'd seen of Kasumi, she'd been recruited by some Amazon Healers and taken on a training trip.  
  
Nabiki noticed one of her new "friends" had just asked her something. Unsure of how to act with people actually concerned about her well-being, Nabiki just tried to smile back and muddle through. First that Akane Saotome had vanished, now from the sound of it, so had that Rei Hino girl. So if the other two vanished...  
  
-----------  
  
SMJ Timeline:  
  
"Mamoru-kunnnnnn, it's such a lovely day outside, how can you...?!"  
  
Mamoru noted that Apple had already done something useful. Kyusu had shut up.   
  
Kyusu's eyes were bugged a little. "That marionette, she looks like..."  
  
"One of the girls in my sketches, yes." Mamoru had been sketching the girls from his dreams since Middle School. He'd gotten fairly good at it and had actually sold some. "Uncanny, isn't it?"  
  
"Oh, someone saw one of your sketches and recreated a marionette based on it?" Kyusu grabbed the most likely explanation. "And now you get to fix it? Well, Japonesse is fairly small."  
  
Mamoru *wanted* to tell Kyusu to just go away. It had never worked in the past though. Hmmm. There were several circuits and systems he wasn't familiar with. One actually looked like a virgin circuit, though that was likely wishful thinking. "Stay out of the way, Kyusu. I'm not interested. Apple, bring primary systems up to 50%."  
  
The marionette straightened from her slump as she brought herself out of 'Standby'.   
  
"Ah, Mamoru-kun, it's such a nice day out today, the plasma percentage is low. Let's go to that festival and leave your stuffy work behind!"  
  
"Apple, bring systems up at 5% increments until at 100%. Start." Mamoru turned towards the displays. "Let's see if replacing the gyro-balancer worked..."  
  
"Mamoru-kun, you talk to your dolls. Ah, but that sentimental streak is why I care for you so much!"  
  
"Systems at 100%," Apple said, "thank you, sempai."  
  
Mamoru froze. Kyusu looked puzzled.  
  
"Apple, explain use of term 'sempai'?"  
  
"Sempai, used for a social superior or upperclassman or mentor that one is not related to. It can also be used to denote a boyfriend though koibito or kareshi are more commonly used." Apple's voice wasn't mechanical anymore, though her phrasing was.  
  
"Pfeh, Mamoru-kun, this unit is still defective. Let the customer wait and let us take our pleasure at the fair."   
  
Mamoru continued to check displays with a puzzled expression. "Spending time with you hardly counts as a pleasure. Besides, this isn't a customer's marionette. She's mine now."  
  
Kyusu turned an angry glance towards the android. "'She?!' Mamoru you forget. This is just a wind up toy. A marionette, a thing made of nanotechnology and metal and plastic. What are you going to do next, kiss it? And how could you purchase some defective marionette? Didn't you tell me you had no money?"  
  
Mamoru stopped, pulled the cables, and closed the back of the unit. This *would* scandalize Kyusu. "Apple, stand up."  
  
The marionette did so, and Mamoru looked her over. Looked a lot like one of the girls in his dreams. The one who'd picked him up after that silver-haired Queen had dumped him. Except that this one was wearing a very nice kimono instead of that strange outfit. Tall, just under six feet in height, brown hair, green eyes, quite shapely in form. "Apple, respond appropriately." Mamoru moved in and kissed the marionette's lifeless lips.  
  
"Ahhhhhhhh! Mamoru you hentai! How could you, and in front of me?!"  
  
-Program 1-  
-Apple-  
-activate-  
  
Mamoru began to smirk at Kyusu's discomfort when he felt a tremor go through the marionette and her arms locked around him. She was kissing him BACK! Mamoru had never been kissed before, and there was a hunger and intensity in the experience he hadn't expected. It took him a moment to break free, and he was only partially aware of Kyusu standing nearby with his jaw hanging open.  
  
Those green eyes, formerly dead, now danced with liquid life and the marionette was... smiling?! "Sempai!"  
  
"Huh?!" Mamoru's brain had shut down from the shock, but he was trying to rally. "Apple?"  
  
"Hmmmm!" Apple smiled even more, nodding and making a happy sound. "Sempai, I'm *so* glad you awakened me!"  
  
Mamoru, confronted with something he'd wanted ever since he had heard of Otaru Mamiya and his three virgin circuit enhanced marionettes, did shut down at that point - fainting.  
  
--------  
  
Another timeline:  
  
"It's been two years since our lives were impacted by Akane Saotome..." Nabiki said to her elder sister as the two sat at the kitchen table and sipped tea, "the Amazons took you and made you... this."  
  
"Not completely," answered Kasumi. "There was more to it than that. What has happened here?"  
  
"Father got married, to Mrs Saotome oddly enough. Thereby uniting the two Houses and getting him out of marriage to that Amazon Dowel. They'd planned it that way, didn't they?"  
  
Kasumi nodded. "Dowel didn't actually want to marry him, too much crying."  
  
Nabiki shuddered at the thought of what would have happened if Dowel had chosen instead to cure her Father of the emotional outbursts. "Genma Saotome is still missing, of course. Akane Saotome vanished shortly after she started insisting people call her 'Scarlet' instead. Rei Hino apparently went into a closet to pick up some spare futons for a slumber party with her friends and never came out. When her friends checked, the closet was barely big enough for someone to fit in and there was no trace of her."  
  
"Yes, I heard about that," Kasumi said with a nod, looking into her tea.  
  
"Akane, our sister not that demon, regained her ability to fight six months later when Doctor Tofu finally got all the rare extracts he needed to put together a bottle of cure for the Xi Fang Gao technique. By then though, well, she had pretty much resolved the whole 'beat Akane to date her' routine. She had taken it as a challenge and found nonviolent methods of resolving conflicts, and she's now engaged to marry some guy named Hikaru. Me? I'm working part-time at a restaurant named Akie's and going to college after a Business Admin degree. Your turn."  
  
"Well, I came back to Japan last year." Kasumi looked off into the distance. "I started working at the Hino shrine after Rei's disappearance. Makoto was devastated by Rei's disappearance, but Rei hadn't been too happy since Ranma's death. With both Rei and Ranma gone, plus their Akane, Makoto and Ukyo have gotten to the point where they're almost like sisters. They tend to pursue the same guy a lot, despite their age difference, and they visit the shrine frequently with their friends." Kasumi returned her attention to her sister. "They're thinking of becoming ghost sweepers, that way maybe they can find out what happened to Rei."  
  
"Guess Juuban is as weird as Nerima," said Nabiki. "You happy?"  
  
"Relatively," Kasumi said with a secretive smile, "I'm still getting tutored in a number of subjects by the Amazons but they've given up on ever making a warrior out of me. I feel I'm appreciated and useful where I am, so that's not too bad. Ukyo and Makoto talk to me a lot. They've never forgiven our sister Akane, and they suspect their own Akane was hunted down and killed in retaliation for what was done that evening, but have no evidence of such a thing."  
  
Nabiki snorted. "Akane? No, she was ready to join a nunnery when she finally came to realize that she had killed and in anger over some petty issues. I talked her out of it, but she's gotten rather anti-violence since then. Overcompensation, I guess."  
  
Kasumi nodded, and declined to tell Nabiki about exactly *how* weird her new friends and life in Juuban had gotten.  
  
---------  
  
The SMJ timeline:  
  
"Kasumi! You're not a fighter! Get back in your PokeBall!"  
  
"I don't want you to be turned into a doll, Master Ash. Sabrina, I challenge you!"  
  
"Oh? A half-Eva with some psychic talent? How... interesting. The frilly apron doesn't quite work, though..."  
  
"Go Kasumi! Kick that wench's backside! Never underestimate the power of a Japonesse housewife!" Apple's voice cried enthusiastically from nearby.  
  
Mamoru groaned inwardly, he'd fainted in front of Kyusu. That could be bad. Hmmm. That was that odd anime program they showed in the wee hours of the morning from the sound of it. He blearily cracked an eye open to see Apple sitting in front of the set, raptly cheering on the furry little homemaker as she defended her Master from the evil Sabrina.  
  
"Uhm..." He'd never been fond of that particular series, though he had to admit that it wasn't as bad as some of the other hentai/sentai series out there. "Excuse me."  
  
"SEMPAI!" The tall marionette was kneeling at his side in a heartbeat. "Apple was so worried about you! You function OK?"  
  
"Urk!"  
  
"Sempai? Do you need something? Some food maybe? Maybe some fresh cloths for your forehead? I kept that strange man away from you!"  
  
"Unnnnn!"  
  
"Sempai? What is it? Whatever you want, Apple can get!" Apple made a muscle gesture.  
  
"...please... Apple..."  
  
"Yes, Sempai!" Apple leaned closer, eager to be of help.  
  
"...your knee's on my chest... heavy..."  
  
Apple looked down. "ooops."  
  
-----------  
  
Elsewhere:  
  
The 'Dewclaw' had seen better days.  
  
Vena walked out of a shower cubicle, drying her hair and complaining about the chemical smell of the water, when she noticed someone in her room. As it was not anyone she knew, she ran through a short list of responses. Ah, that one seems appropriate.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"  
  
"Rigid like an iron shard,  
Paralyze you long and hard!"  
  
Edema nodded at the result of her 'Hold Person' spell, patting the paralyzed Minako analogue on the cheek as she inspected her. "Tsk, look girl, I'm here to fix a few things and then go. In about twelve standard hours your time, there'll be a new operative here who can help you get into your new roles." Edema took a thin bandage-like device out at put on the girl's forehead. "This is mnemonic teacher, set for basic repairs using the sort of tech stuff you've got here. Now be a good girl and just stand there until it's done."  
  
Edema went out into the corridor, disliking all this high tech mumbo-jumbo, but what can you do?  
  
"Hey you, what are you doing?"   
  
"View me now as trusted friend,  
my buddy until spell doth end."  
  
Julie stumbled to a halt. Why was she attacking? This was her good friend... what was her name again?  
  
"Hi, I'm Edema." The darkskinned woman shook Julie's hand. "I'm here to help you."  
  
Julie nodded happily. How nice. Her friend Edema had dropped by to help her out.  
  
Edema led Julie into Vena's room, and both Vena and Julie began learning mechanical skills. Within a few minutes, Edema had added Meria to the group- learning piloting skills.  
  
Edema waited until the three were done, put the few items away that she'd used and decided to make the group comfortable.  
  
"Into Morpheus' quiet grip,  
Speedily you now shall slip."  
  
The drow archmage smiled at the results. One third level spell, and three first level spells. Nothing major but running an ice cream parlor, she had thought she might be getting a bit rusty. Nice to know she still had the touch. "One mess down."  
  
-------  
  
Mamoru watched as the busy little marionette happily hummed some odd music and went about her self-appointed task of tidying up his home/workshop. This was... nice. Strange, but nice.  
  
He'd found Kyusu locked in a closet, and let him out. Apple not only kept Kyusu from interrupting his work, but was proving useful. Rather like Otaru's marionette Cherry. A relief to Mamoru, as her speech patterns sounded more like Lime's and a superpowered child in his workshop was not something to contemplate.  
  
She also had tried to help him a couple of times but was quickly proven to be mechanically... all thumbs? There was also continuing trouble with her SRO (servo-reflexive overseer) module, indicating that it possibly needed replaced. (Translation: she tended to overreact and smash things.)  
  
Still having a cheerful, helpful, marionette around was definitely odd. Mamoru had spent most of his life living alone. He'd learned to take care of himself by the time he was six, when he was ten he had met Gennai ojiisan. The old man didn't see HIM that often, but Mamoru had practically lived in or around the dump. Whenever the old man was out (such as that picnic with Otaru after Lime's virgin circuit had been retrieved) Mamoru would keep an eye on his shop.   
  
It hadn't been a happy life. The kids had teased him about "Big Name, Little Destiny" and how because he was "street trash" he wouldn't amount to anything. He'd fought and starved and struggled most of his life. Then he'd started fixing things around Japonesse and things had changed. The opinion of him was slow to change, and many still looked down on him. Including Kyusu, who insisted that Mamoru was incapable of looking after himself. Pfeh!  
  
Mamoru was doing fairly well by himself. He'd made a fair amount of money, was in a business of his own, had a home of his very own, had resources accumulated for years, and practically Gennai's heir, and now he had a marionette of his own. Which reminded him. "Apple?"  
  
"Hai, sempai!" Apple gave a sloppy but cute salute, grinning at her Master.  
  
"We'll go visit *my* sempai, Gennai-ojisan. i think he's going to be very interested in meeting you."  
  
"Hai, sempai!" Apple grinned again. Her Master was smiling. It made her circuits feel all warm inside to have a Master who actually cared about her.  
  
---------  
  
"Oh, Mamoru-kunnnnn," whined Kyusu. "Now I know how cousin Hanagata feels!"  
  
"Hmmmph, to feel affection for a doll. Not right, not right at all. A perversion against nature!" The older man next to Kyusu grumped, almost to himself.  
  
"That's right. It is aberrant behavior and should be corrected. For the good of the society, of course." Another older man adjusted his glasses. "Unfortunately, *legally* I can't do anything about it. Such a shame."  
  
"Come now, Doctor," said the first old man, "you are one of the leading psychologists in Japonesse today. Surely such a bizarre fixation could be moved against. Obviously with that Mamiya fellow being such a popular hero, any action against HIM would be stirring a hornet's nest. But this is a gutter-rat who repairs marionettes. Few would protest his disappearance for a few days while you remove such afflictions from his psyche."  
  
"Nein," the Professor said, showing his Geltland heritage for a moment. "As I am not his physician, and he has done no wrong doing in the eyes of the law, correcting his delusions and restructuring his mind into a correct frame cannot be done legally."  
  
"You mean there is a way Mamoru-kun can be cured? That he will accept my love?" Kyusu leapt for the chance. "Do it! Money is no object!"  
  
"Well then," said the Professor. "It just *may* be possible."  
  
--------  
  
"So, Gennai-san?" Mamoru smiled and sat back as his mentor examined the marionette.  
  
"What? Oh, hmmm. Very interesting, and the unit just has one of your emulated circuits?" Gennai turned back to continue his examination only to find two green eyes blinking back at him. "Apple, if you'd sit back on the table again?"  
  
"Boring." Apple started sulking but got up on the table anyway.  
  
"It couldn't be my Ishi Kairo," Mamoru said wryly, "the design was never intended to do this much. i don't completely understand how a Virgin Circuit works, only that it has something to do with engram emulation and feedback learning loops. Basic self-awareness and the ability to learn and act on their own. No more than that. At best, some basic emotions and development of a rudimentry personality."  
  
"Eh?" Apple looked up, curious.  
  
"Rather more than rudimentry," Gennai agreed. "Do you know why she looks like one of those girls you've sketched? The gardener, I think."  
  
"She's the twin of one of the girls in my dream. i don't understand it at all." Mamoru watched Apple buff the top of Gennai's head.  
  
"Sempai, what's a dream?" Apple asked, turning her attention from the current task.  
  
"Uhm, well. When you sleep, it's like seeing and hearing and feeling and smelling but you're really asleep. It's sort of..." Mamoru broke off, not sure how to explain this.  
  
Gennai rescued his pupil. "Apple, you've only been active for a few hours. I understand Otaru's marionettes dream, especially Cherry, maybe tonight you'll dream."   
  
Apple enthusiastically shook her head, sending her ponytail bobbing around. "Unnnn! Apple hope so!"  
  
----------  
  
"You understand your orders?" Professor Weissman adopted a professorial manner before the Japonesse Wrecking Crue. As they were simply a youth gang with pretensions of being organized feared criminals, and as their collective operative intelligence was roughly on the level of a refrigerator's temperature there was a distinct possibility of them not getting this right. But one works with the tools one has, true?  
  
"Yeah, yeah, we does a snatch-n-grab on this repairguy," Hammer (the leader) said, making a dismissing gesture. "If we cans we wreck-a this guy's marionette while he's watchin' we do that too. No problem-o."  
  
Chisel smiled, even more idiotically than his compatriots, and held out a double handful of edged blades. "We take good care of it, yeah! Chop chop kill kill Nyuk nyuk nyuk."  
  
"Good. I take it the first half of the payment was... satisfactory." Professor Weissman nodded. They had the right idea, of course he had to keep it as simple as possible. And of course, he hadn't used his correct name. Why give these rejects any clue?  
  
"If it wasn't, did you think you'd be leaving here except in a pine box?" Hammer snorted. "Don't you worry, Professor Dingle. We'll get that guy for ya by noon tomorrow!"  
  
----------  
  
Eyecatch #9  
  
A framed picture of the Pheonix Mage. Click/flip: the picture is of Jared Saotome, Devilhunter. Click/flip: Skysaber, the superspy adventurer. Click/flip: the Veritech pilot Jared. Click/flip: buried under a horde of fiancees...  
  
Eyecatch #10  
  
A framed picture of Akane Tendo chasing Ranma with a large hammer. With a click it flips to reveal Akane as Inferna. Click/flip: the fireball throwing Akane from "A Very Scary Bet". Click/flip: the heroic Sailor Red from "Featherbrite's Tale". Click/flip: the Shinto priestess from "Saint Akane." Click/flip: Akane Saotome. Click/flip: a Klingon warrior Akane...  
  
----------  
  
Apple smiled contentedly. If she reached out, she'd be able to reach her sleeping Sempai who looked so cute like that. Tomorrow was a big day, however. She'd be spending time with Sempai and HIS sempai and go to see *their* sempai - some girl named Lorelei. So she needed to get some sleep despite being all wound up from the excitement. How she'd... (yawn) get some sleep when it was all so new and...  
  
Apple slept, and she dreamed.  
  
----------  
  
"Jupiter? What are you doing here?" A green haired girl wearing pajamas opened the door and stretched sleepily.  
  
"GAH?! Pluto?! What are YOU doing here?"  
  
Pluto smirked, apparently amused at the way Jupiter's ponytail was sticking straight up. "I *was* trying to sleep. Again, what are you doing here? Didn't you dump Nebula for that fellow, what was his name? Oh yes, Narcissus."  
  
"He's just soooo handsome!" Jupiter momentarily gushed, then deflated. "But he also can't hold a conversation that doesn't involve how good he looks, and all he ever does is look in that mirror of his. So, I'm back to pick up where I left off!"  
  
"Tsk," Pluto made a dismissing gesture, leaning in the doorframe and "accidently" blocking Jupiter's progress. "Do you have any idea how crushed he was? First the Queen dismisses him as a consort (like she does all her consorts when she starts developing feelings for them) then, after *you* manage to pick him up, you go chasing after every new pretty boy to join the court."  
  
"Not *every*... only three..." Jupiter winced. Okay, maybe she just had a *little* problem in that regard. But Narcissus was *so* fine, and Nebula was okay and a nice guy, but he wasn't a *hunk* like Pheonix or Hermes. But Bennu the Pheonix was interested solely in research and Hermes already had an entourage.  
  
"So, you knew I was interested but you decided to dump him, then when your pursuit of Narcissus didn't work out, you thought you'd just come back a week later and pick up where you left off?" Pluto flicked an errant strand of hair back, managing somehow to look more tousled than when she'd opened the door.  
  
"Well... yeah..." Jupiter's hair wasn't toinging any more but she was still in shock.  
  
"When you passed him in the Queen's Market, hanging on that guy's arm, how do you think he felt?" Pluto seemed to inspect her nails as if the answer was of no consequence to her. At Jupiter's silence, she continued. "He was devastated, you know. Twice now he's given his heart freely and without restraint. He has a great capacity for love, though the doors have begun to close for that. The Queen's got that personal rule about not letting any consort get too much inside her heart. *You* took him for granted."  
  
"Well... I..." Jupiter fidgeted. If only Narcissus hadn't been *so* cute!  
  
"Well, I've got a meeting with the Queen tomorrow. Some new job she wants me to do." Pluto straightened and inclined her head. "Sorry, but if *I* were to betray his trust and leave him to *you*, I honestly doubt he would ever be able to love again at this point. Much less trust you."  
  
Jupiter stood there, helplessly staring as Pluto slid the door shut. She could barely hear the words that followed, though it penetrated enough to bring Pluto's hold over the Knight Of Duty clear.  
  
"Who was that at this hour?" Nebula's voice, sounding sleepy.  
  
"Oh, just someone lost and asking for directions. Thanks for letting me stay here while they fumigate my apartment." Pluto's voice conveyed her smile.  
  
"No problem, Pu-chan. Ohhh, that couch isn't good on my back." Jupiter felt a measure of hope as Nebula said this.  
  
"We could share the bed," Pluto indicated, dashing Jupiter's moment.  
  
"Wouldn't be proper, Pu-chan."  
  
Jupiter walked away, hearing Pluto's throaty chuckle and knowing exactly how Nebula would be reacting - and that she'd lost. Next time, next time for sure! She'd be faithful, her name would be a testament to faithful! If there was a next time.  
  
Unfortunately, she'd later learned that Pluto had been assigned to the Time Gate, Nebula had been abandoned again and he'd quietly withdrawn from society. And then the conflict between Earth and the Moon Kingdom had escalated and Beryl's Invincible Shadow...  
  
--------  
  
Apple awoke. What a strange thing. So that was what a dream was like? It had been like she had been there! Except she had a funny name.  
  
Mamoru-sempai was still sleeping, so maybe she should get some sleep. Apple considered the boy sleeping nearby with a proud smile. No matter what that dream self said, SHE wouldn't abandon her Sempai!  
  
No... she'd... just catch a little more sleep.  
  
--------  
  
The three members of the Japonesse Wrecking Crue followed their prey with every bit of stealth available to them. (Translation: they following about fifty feet behind and ducking behind every available statue and bit of cover they could.)  
  
"Sempai..." Apple said hesitantly to her Master.  
  
"I don't know, Apple." Mamoru had a bit of trouble admitting ignorance, he was used to taking pride in being self-reliant and admitting *any* weakness wasn't that easy. Still, those three were perplexing. And it might be weird, but he felt comfortable around apple as if he'd known her for years. "Don't stare at 'em though, you might encourage them."  
  
"But..." Apple glanced back as one of the three tripped over a potted plant. "Okay, Sempai..."  
  
"Besides, we'll meet Gennai-san at the castle gate. There's no way those three will follow us into the Imperial Castle, right?" Mamoru thought of those three trying to sneak into the palace and winced in sympathy. "Be ready if it looks like they're going to try and catch us before we reach the gate."  
  
Apple blinked. "They're getting closer."  
  
"They've got some sort of weapons," Mamoru noted, studying their reflection in a window. "That might be a length of pipe, or it might be some kind of cobbled weapon. Best if we can avoid them using that if its ranged."  
  
"oh..." Apple noted the three men sneaking closer. A hammer, a pipe that might not be a pipe, and whatever was in that fat fellow's sack. She stumbled, her SRO not completely working still.  
  
Mamoru noticed. "We'll try that abandoned building over there. We may be able to go through it and out the other side."  
  
"Unnnn," Apple agreed. Close range combat was her specialty.  
  
-----------  
  
The two targets went into a rickety-looking building.  
  
"Hey, Hammer, what're we gonna do?" The fat one fingered his buzzcut. "They couldst be layin' an ambush like..."  
  
Hammer stopped and regarded his rotund companion for a moment. "You know, numbskull, you might actually have something there!" Hammer waited until Chisel looked proud before slapping him in the noggin. Then waving his hand around in mid-air as that had really hurt him worse than Chisel. "Listen up, knucklehead. You go around back and make sure they don't get out."  
  
"GRrrrrrrr... Okay, I'm going, I'm going! Yeeeshhhh."  
  
"Drill," said Hammer motioning the third member of their party forward. "You got the stuff?"  
  
"Yeah, but I don't see what we're gonna do with this. Didn't the boss say he wanted that guy delivered to him?"  
  
Hammer got Drill's attention by pinching his nose hard, then slapping with the other hand. "Who's getting paid to be the brains here? The boss wanted this guy 'dealt with' right? Just a little 'snatch and grab' right? Well, we're gonna put a few of these babies in the windows, then when they go off, the guy'll come out and we grabs him, see?"  
  
"Ohhhhhhh!" Drill nodded and grabbed and lit a bundle of dynamite, tossing it in the window. "You think that's enough?"  
  
Hammer considered briefly. "I don't know. Some of dese old houses can be pretty sturdy."  
  
"Good point," agreed Drill, throwing three more bundles into the house.   
  
"HEY, didn't you save any for me?" Hammer glared at his sidekick.  
  
"Sorry, Hammer," Drill handed his boss a bundle of dynamite, thoughtfully lighting it for him.  
  
"Thanks." Hammer blinked, watching the little sputtering fuse at the end. "Hmmmm? AAAAAAA!" He threw the bundle into the house just in time.  
  
BOOOM BOOM BOOM BOOOOMMM!  
  
Staring at the now-collapsed pile of burning rubble, Hammer did what supervisors have done for centuries when their plans fail to work out. He blamed his subordinates.  
  
------  
  
Mamoru dragged his marionette down the stairs into the cellar, coughing as smoke began to seep down into the closed area. "Apple. Run self diagnostic."  
  
Apple's eyes glowed slightly. "Damage to right knee joint. Mobility decreased by 45%. Damage to right shoulder cable. Apple will be unable to use right arm until repairs are made."  
  
Mamoru groaned. Just wonderful. "Stay here. Let me see if I can find anything that can help us escape..." Mamoru's voice broke off as he stared. There were marionettes down here. Four of them in display tubes.   
  
There were also a lot of empty display tubes. Mamoru stared, trembling, long enough for Apple to get curious and look herself. She gasped.  
  
There was one that was immediately recognizable to both, an image out of dreams.  
  
Mamoru coughed, a little weaker as the smoke began infiltrating the air of the cellar. If he could just awaken this one...  
  
Glassy eyes opened as power was reconnected. Then, because it had been what had worked on Apple, Mamoru kissed the marionette.  
  
---Program 2---  
--Blueberry--  
-----START-----  
  
====================  
  



	3. Default Chapter Title

  
Discord's Bet (Third Labor)  
chapter five: Full House, Marionettes Wild  
  
DISCLAIMER: many series crossed over or fusioned. self insert.  
  
---Program 2---  
--Blueberry--  
-----START-----  
  
The marionette awoke to a kiss that was hesitant and tender. Her virgin circuit kickstarted with glee.  
  
Then the kisser collapsed, coughing weakly.  
  
"I'm injured, can you get us out of here?"  
  
Blueberry looked towards the source. Another marionette, much as herself. Her battle computer indicated that this other had a high potential combat rating, however she was currently damaged in one knee and one shoulder. Blueberry set her Master down and scanned the surroundings. "Affirmative. There is a secret passageway *here*."  
  
Apple blinked as the new unit opened a section of wall.  
  
"First priority. Getting him to clear air. Second priority treat for smoke inhalation." Blueberry lifted the weakened fixit man. "Are you mobile?"  
  
"Mobility reduced but effective." Apple glanced at the other units. "What of these?"  
  
"Will return and connect power." Blueberry vanished into the opening, returning without Mamoru.  
  
"Oh," said Apple, limping through the opening.  
  
------  
  
Another timeline:  
  
The Dewclaw approached the planet, roaring past a thin asteroid belt in a manner that would have given Ami cause for complaint. (You can't have engines roaring in space, you can't do high speed aerobatics manuevers in a vaccuum, you can't zip in and out of an asteroid field, and many other things that Ami would have found objectionable.)  
  
Meria guided the ship past the multiton moonlets without a hitch. Which impressed the heck out of Moom and Mareya.  
  
"Dantooine, eh?" Mareya tried to look like she knew what she was doing. "Rebel base of some kind?"  
  
"No," Vena answered. "It started out with a small native population, who got about to Bronze Age equivelants until the breakup of their moon and a plague wiped them out. The Rebels found a vanished civilization and used the buildings for their own base. Then they cleared out, following their 'constantly on the move' policy, a few years prior to the Empire arriving and setting up camp in the same area. The Empire made it a resupply base for their Death Star, and when that went up, they abandoned this place 'temporarily' - it's been six months since the last soldiers left to return home during the riots."  
  
Mareya made a warding gesture. "How did you know that? The Force?"  
  
Vena shook her head. "Nah, I read the astrogater entry on the way here and just finished accessing the base's computers. Place is emptier than a stormtrooper's credit account after a two week furlough. Bad news: they took a LOT of stuff with them when they bugged out. Good news: that still leaves a lot of stuff."  
  
Ed nodded, visions of TIE fighters and other goodies dancing in his head.  
  
Kiyone, current captain of the Dewclaw, settled back into her chair. "Take us down, Meria-san!"  
  
--------  
  
An SMJ Timeline:  
  
The others stood nearby, their eyes the usual unfocused look of marionettes.   
  
"Current situation requires a better safety margin than presently obtained. Additional reinforcements required." Blueberry lifted the weakened Mamoru, and brought his lips up to one of them.  
  
  
---Program 3---  
----Grape----  
-----START-----  
  
Grape's violet eyes blinked in confusion. "What?!"  
  
Apple glanced at the other two. "What about them? Apple doesn't recognize them at all"  
  
Blueberry considered briefly. "Apparently common Aya and Kotono models."  
  
"Sempai said something about having some experimental virgin circuits," said Apple.   
  
Mamoru recovered enough to look around at his rescuers. "Request designations."  
  
"Blueberry," said the one in a blue kimono, "Analysis and data retrieval. Sabre Marionette Special."  
  
"Grape," indicated the younger-looking one. "Combat unit. Specialty: naginata. Sabre Marionette Special."  
  
"Identification: Ginseng," came an unfamiliar voice, as another marionette dropped down out of a tree. "Statement: You are late, Mamoru Tengoku. This unit is here to escort you to Doctor Lorelei."  
  
"There they is! I sees 'em. I sees 'em."  
  
Ginseng looked briefly towards the approaching trio, activated a beam-saber and moved to a guard position. "Statement: attempting to proceed will result in immediate death for criminal elements. Statement: I have confirmation of permission to kill from the Palace."  
  
Hammer hesitated, seeing his target so close. "You're bluffing."  
  
Ginseng's expression didn't alter in the slightest. "Declaration: this unit never bluffs."  
  
"Yeah, right!" Hammer motioned his two henchmen forward.  
  
*SHUMMMM! VISSSHHH! THUD THUD.*  
  
Hammer stared. "Uhm, Chisel?"  
  
Drill looked at the two halves of Chisel. "Y'know, Hammer, maybe it ain't bluffing."  
  
Hammer pursed his lips. "Maybe. We'll be back!"  
  
Ginseng considered the possibility likely, but assigned a low probability that they would be more successful. "Reminder: Tengoku, Castle. Query: Do you require assistance?"  
  
"That might be good," agreed Mamoru, still not feeling too well.  
  
"That might be necessary," added Apple.  
  
---------  
  
Goddess Relief Office:  
  
"Lock on!" Amaterasu said. "Just as suspected, he reincarnated in that Sabre Marionette timeline."  
  
"Oh, dear," said Belle. "Several of those androids are in the shape of various fiancees, aren't they?"  
  
"Looks like the seals on his memory from that Silver Millenium incarnation are coming undone," Celeste's voice was wry. She'd never approved of this "blocked memory" stuff anyway. "Oh well. Stuff happens."  
  
"Looks like Makoto's already awakening, though her native incarnation is dominant." Amaterasu frowned. "Where'd Akane go? She didn't go THERE did she?"  
  
"Looks like she merged with Scarlet over in that timeline the Pheonix Mage has been playing around in." Belle began bringing up displays. "Ami and Minako joined Makoto and Hotaru in merging with their native selves. He's currently met up with Makoto, Hotaru, and Ami."  
  
Amaterasu checked a few displays. "Set up a Recall on all of them. As soon as he reunites with Minako, activate."  
  
Celeste urked at that. "What?! What about the translation factor? If we bring them back without regaining memories or full function..."  
  
"Doesn't matter, there are two Greys in that timeline." Amaterasu clicked a display. "Even though one is a soulless automaton, it's setting up a bug-port."  
  
Celeste groaned. "We've got a transtemporal dislocation through an SM access. Enters the Third Labor line in its history. Tracking."  
  
  
--------  
  
Eyecatch #11:  
  
Grey in a framed picture. With a click, it flips over revealing a Triax Manhunter cyborg (though with the missile tubes removed). Click/flip: the sexangel. Click/flip: Mamoru Tengoku. Click/flip: a young man dressed sort of like Ranma Saotome. Click/flip: Ranko. Click/flip: the marionette Ginseng. click/flip: a silver dragon who seems to be fleeing from Queen Serenity.  
  
Eyecatch #12:  
  
Kasumi Tendo in a framed picture. With a click, it flips over revealing Kasumi as Sailor Angel (Featherbrite's Tale). Click/flip: Kasumi, heir to the Tendo style of naginata use. Click/flip: nurse Kasumi. Click/flip: djinni Kasumi. Click/flip: three nearly identical Kasumis examining each other...  
  
-----------  
  
Third Labor timeline:  
  
April, 211 AD:  
  
A tiny little area in a flyspeck corner of the Unified Chinese Empire. One where will-o-wisps formed in the late afternoon dimness and gathered into a single mass in a canyon near a well tramped trail.   
  
One young warmaiden watched silently, her hand over the wound in her side. Whatever the spirits did here could be as nothing compared to the battles that had occurred on the plains below that morning. And now she, Mei Yan, was to die of a spear wound without reporting to her village that the Armies of Zhong Dhou now approached!  
  
The mass of white twisting cloud abruptly opened and formed a tunnel.  
  
Whatever Mei Yan had expected, this was not it.  
  
"Diamond Beach at last! Yeeeehhaaaaa! Last one in the water is a..." The Pheonix Mage lowered his surfboard, looking around and not seeing the injured maiden. "Aw nuts. I *knew* I should'a taken a left turn at Albuquerque!"  
  
A male wielding such powers meant that he *had* to be of the forces of Evil now sweeping towards the last pocket of resistance. Mei Yan tried to pick herself up. Maybe she could get one last spearthrow before she met her ancestors!  
  
--------  
  
Jared took out a large object that seemed to twist and turn in all of the wrong dimensions so that it warped the eye to look at it. "Let me take a look at this map. You'd think after all this time someone would have at least come up with a way to make these easy to read..." He looked up in the most curious way.  
  
"Jay-chan?" Asked a small horde of females in bikinis wielding picnic baskets and beach umbrellas.  
  
"No, wait. I'm trying to identify the sensation... Aha! That was it. I was just struck with a spear in the back of the head. I should have tested this new defensive spell before putting it into use, it feels so funny. But that archangel *did* recommend it so highly." He turned around to look at the mountainside, lifting a globe of fire in his off hand.  
  
Mei Yan had just watched as her spear had converted into a harmless spray of light as it struck the back of the man's scalp, little wisps and sparks spraying about like streamers as the good wood and steel weapon ceased to be. Rather than close her eyes and wait for death, the maiden released a blood soaked hand from her side and tried scrabbling for a rock to throw at the infernal thing.   
  
Thus it was that she was rather surprised to find herself suddenly whisked off of her feet, placed upon a soft surface of pristine silk sheets, and being fussed over by a core of about fifteen women now wearing white robes and masks over the lower parts of their faces.  
  
"Diagnosis?" The male asked, with his back to the party, scanning the hillsides for danger.  
  
One of the women with short blue hair and kind eyes had looked over Mei Yan's wound and reported while another with yellow hair in an odd, dumpling style with twin ponytails held her hands over the gash and applied healing energy. "She's taken a deep spear wound, but she'll be   
alright. It's only punctured one lung and a few ribs, nothing we can't take care of in a sec. But there are some infernal traces."  
  
"Taken care of already." Reported a woman with long, green hair.   
  
"Infernal?" The man said with evident glee in his voice. "Oh goody! Target time! Do you know how many?"  
  
"Light entertainment or a full evening's workout, you mean?"  
  
"Yeah, that's exactly what I mean. I haven't killed anything evil in... why, it seems like minutes!"  
  
Several of the women cooed appreciatively.  
  
"Aw, Jay-chan, it couldn't have been *that* long, could it?" One of the prettier ones said, taking him comfortingly by the shoulders.  
  
Mei Yan's head was spinning.  
  
"You can't know what it's like." The man became all theatrical, though Mei Yan sensed somehow that he was joking, and that the tears weren't real. Certainly the reaction of the women was one of humor. "Why, for a moment there I was almost afraid of not being attacked by hordes of tentacled monstrosities yearning to slurp our brains out. To never again face down an endless stream of gibbering spirits or ravening ghouls! I don't know what I would have done with myself."  
  
Mei Yan would have slipped away but their words were sparking such confusion she couldn't see straight to leave the bed they'd placed her on.  
  
The pretty ladies all shook their heads in commiseration, tinged with laughter. The one holding him made concerned sounds. "Oh, don't you worry. We'll get something up here right away for you to defeat in glorious single combat, then we'll go off to the beach."  
  
The warrior maiden was suddenly the object of everyone's attention.   
  
"Excuse me." One of the blondes asked. "Is there a place one can fight evil around here?"  
  
------------  
  
An SMJ Timeline:  
  
The reactions of the groups meeting each other were intriguing to both Ginseng and Doctor Lorelei. The Shogun Ieyasu was also interested, but had been rather nervous about Lime being present and chosen not to attend. At least until some way to return him to a more normal size had been found.  
  
Cherry was fairly friendly and becoming fast friends with Apple. Bloodberry viewed the whole group suspiciously. Lime kept trying to play with the others.  
  
Apple was chatting amiably with Cherry. Blueberry was examining the various machines. Grape was the only one interested in playing with Lime, a game of cat's cradle from the look of it.  
  
Otaru was telling Mamoru about some of the problems he'd had with his marionettes as they developed. Mamoru was taking notes.  
  
The two normal marionettes were being fitted with Mamoru's "Ishi Kairo" by Gennai, even though it had been amply proven that it had nothing to do with Apple's development.  
  
"Observation: those involved with the assault did not appear of sufficient mental acuity to have developed long range motivations or plans." Ginseng swept her hair back with one hand, seeming to consider her fellow marionettes for a moment.  
  
"Huh?!" Lime exclaimed, looking up from her game of cat's cradle with Grape. Grape was currently tangled up in a web. Hers or Lime's was unclear.  
  
Gennai snorted and continued work. "Ginseng means that the ones who attacked Mamoru's group weren't intelligent enough to be operating on their own. They were stooges or flunkies, most likely. From the sound of it, they're even worse than the 'Japonesse Hell Crew'."  
  
"That bad?!" Cherry was startled. Worse than those wannabe-bad guys who had adopted her as their boss? Was that even possible?  
  
------------  
  
Meanwhile, back at the Ranch... err, Nichieju 211 AD:   
  
"Is your countryside infested with demonic hordes? Have you any bloodthirsty neighbors making pacts with unclean forces? Are there gates from hell appearing at local garden parties? Well then, call the professionals!"  
  
Mei Yan STARED at the young man as he stood in the square of their village with a large sign proclaiming him to be a Champion of Light for hire.  
  
"Massed incursions of darkness? No problem. We are on call 24 hours a day to serve all of your infernal elimination needs. Budget rates for teeming throngs of mutants. Demons exterminated while you wait. Supernatural enemies of all types are a specialty. Ask now for our low monthly rate."  
  
One of the elders manifested enough to courage to ask him. "What do you charge, young man?"  
  
He acted supremely startled, or at least amused. "Money? Why, I give it to *YOU*, of course! How else could I obtain the honor of defeating a few hundred atrocities on what are rightfully your hunting grounds? No, I insist. Would two chests of gold be enough? How about I throw in a basket of polished jewels? Okay, you drive a hard bargain. How about three?"  
  
It was then, when just about the entire village was about to give him up for a lunatic, when one of the young ladies held forth a hand and a glorious panorama opened up before their eyes, granting them a vision of this youth in combat moving at a speed their best warriors could only   
approximate by being flung from catapults (young Lo Yang had tried that once and never expected to live it down even if he had a city named after him), slaughtering fiends and infernal creatures with single blows too swift for most eyes to follow.  
  
It was very impressive, that they should treat the magic to do it so casually, even should everything it showed them prove a fraud.  
  
Mei Yan wouldn't have taken him to the village but had honestly nothing to do with it. They'd either read her mind or already knew, and both options were as disturbing. But then, they didn't seem *dangerous*, only insane. Insane, that is, unless they were actually *capable* of   
doing those things!   
  
In which case they were a direct gift from the Gods. Remembering back to a certain spear transforming into light, the warrior wasn't sure what she believed.  
  
---------  
  
Another Timeline altogether:  
  
Genma did what Genma did well. He hid. He lived off theft and the land and by any methods he could. Transformed into a panda, he could do that even easier in some areas. But he remained a man, and so silently checked in on his family and Soun's after ten years had passed on his timeline. And so, in the fall of 2002, a man who had been portly many lean years ago snuck about Tokyo and its environs.  
  
Nodoka had married Soun. Well, at least the two families had been united at last, no thanks to that weak and ungrateful son of his. They had apparently had another child and were expecting another.  
  
Both Kasumi and Nabiki were living elsewhere from what Genma had been able to overhear. Nabiki had gone to an American business college and was apparently now living in that country. Kasumi had relocated to Juuban and was managing a shrine after Rei's grandfather had passed on.  
  
Akane had broken up with her high school sweetheart, gone through a series of long and tawdry affairs, then decided none of those were for her. She'd had a boob job and was now an actress in daytime soap operas.  
  
As for the remainder of his old family: Makoto and Ukyo. The two had opened a small restaurant. Ukyo handled the meals- okonomiyaki her specialty as always. Cakes and pies for dessert, prepared by Makoto. It was struggling with neighborhood competition, but otherwise doing well. Often the sound of music and laughter could be heard from within.  
  
The old home had fallen into disrepair, including the dojo where he had spent so much time training Ranma and his fiancees. As it was an ancestral home, it was not for sale, and the outer wall concealed much of the problem. Still, it brought a sad glint to Genma's eyes as he moved like a wraith through the rooms. Here was where Ranma had played with fingerpaints and signed a contract. Here was where Nodoka had fixed her sliced daikon and smiled at her adopted children. Here were the marks on the floor where Akane the lion had been dragged protesting towards the furo. Here the patch he'd made when Ukyo and Rei had come to blows over who would scrub Ranma's back...  
  
Of Rei Hino or Akane Saotome, Genma's best efforts had produced no trace. Akane had been the vibrantly alive extension of the Art, the Heir he'd wanted Ranma to be. Rei had been the passionate one, energetic and emotional. Now both were gone. Everyone had given them up for dead, though in Rei's case some supernatural entity was thought responsible.   
  
Genma wiped a tear as he took one last look around the house he'd repaired so often, seeing the useless memories and broken dreams. It must have been dust. Neither men nor pandas cried.  
  
---------  
  
"So, how many veritech squadrons do you think we'll need?"   
  
"NO!" An image wavered to life over the field. Celeste had traced an interference track. "Pheonix Mage, you are in that timeline by accident. In a little over 1500 years, Grey has to complete a Labor in that timeline. The timeline is stable and has been mapped. You may *not* alter history!"  
  
"But there are so *many* hordes. Are you sure they need them all? We could have a *few* couldn't we? Would they really miss a few thousand demons here or there?"  
  
"No..." Celeste began.  
  
"Oh, of course, not, sugar." A shimmer of air and darkness walked forward with a sultry but dangerous air.  
  
"Edema," warned Sakyo to her Master, "a powerful mage..."  
  
"...and maker of ice cream novelties," finished Jared. "What do you here, drow?"  
  
There was a flash of irritation in the drow elf's manner, but she shrugged it off. "Why, look right here, sugar. This here's a history of this China. You see where you can't change it, right?"  
  
Jared glanced at the book, noting that the passage indicated by one of the drow's long nail indicated that the Fourth Infernal Host was slain and the Amazon Village was found empty. Also found evacuated were the prefectures of Nan Hai (1080 people), Jiao Zhi (1930 people), and Gui Yang (1600 people). They were thought to have fled until they turned up in...  
  
Jared glanced back up at where some of his girls were glaring daggers at the drow who was glaring back. All were outlying areas, away from the capital. It *could* be that these were areas just tipped off by refugees from elsewhere. Except for where and when those villages turned back up again.  
  
"Well, I don't have to take this hostility!" Edema hissed. "I've got more than enough to occupy my time with work!"  
  
Edema vanished. Celeste shook her head. "Why you two continue to have racial hostilities..."  
  
Jared slipped the book into a sash. "Celeste, you wouldn't understand. I've killed a couple of hundred drow personally and a few million indirectly, and I enjoyed every minute of it. The bad blood between Drow and other elves can't be put aside easily, and it doesn't help any that on my world there's a ceremony for elves who've joined the other side. Drow become High Elves when they forsake darkness and High Elves become Drow when they embrace darkness, so seeing her triggers fighting reflexes undimmed by meeting many light hearts under Drow skins. I'll tell you what, though. At the end of this I *promise* to drop in her ice cream parlor and even have a good time. How's that?"  
  
All those who realized what it meant for him to have those God marks and make a promise blinked in unison.  
  
Celeste cocked her head. "What you said about enjoying killing Drow...?"  
  
Jared actually chuckled in surprise. "Uh, no. That's *not* what I'd meant. I was planning on eating a Potion of Good Humor before I went. In that state I couldn't hate Genma." He met the eyes of the Goddess of J-pop. "Well, anyway, it will take me a little while to relocate. I'll   
try to avoid the main forces then. No point in destroying the very people I'd rather see rescued."  
  
Celeste nodded. "Your word that you won't violate history? This timeline gets messed up enough on its own!"  
  
Jared nodded. "I'll preserve its history as best I can." ~Especially if what I read is correct, in which case, I'm already in here!~  
  
---------  
  
--Program 4--  
----Honey----  
----Start----  
  
The blonde in the red kimono opened her eyes. "Master?"  
  
---Program 5---  
-----Melon-----  
-----Start-----  
  
The raven haired marionette dressed as a shrine maiden blinked as if coming awake. "Master?!"  
  
Mamoru took more than one step back. "Huh?!"  
  
Gennai chuckled. "I'll trade the Aya and Kotono units for this one. I had a feeling..." Actually he'd known about the link between Grape, Apple, Blueberry, Melon, and Honey for some time. They had all turned up positive for that odd dimensional disturbance at one time or another. Now they had something else in common: their Master.  
  
Ginseng cocked her head. There was something familiar about Mamoru. She started forward, curious to determine if closer proximity would resolve the odd indication.  
  
-------------  
  
Heaven:  
  
"Okay, we've got to intervene!" Celeste noted the bugport indicator flashing in the SMJ timeline, drawing her attention from the Third Labor timeline. "Get everything ready, we've got to do this carefully to avoid a crossrip or template contamination."  
  
"Okay dokey!"  
  
Those present were goddesses, with a spark of the divine. That divine blood ran cold at the unexpected chipper-vacuous voice.  
  
Sif, Celeste, Belle, and Diane (along with some unidentified man in a bathrobe with a fish in his ear) all looked up with sickened expressions to see that *Kitchiri*, goddess of bimbo, had somehow appeared in the control room and was hovering near some controls.  
  
"STOP!"  
  
"GET AWAY FROM THERE!"  
  
"So this is it, we're going to die."  
  
"DON'T!"  
  
Kitchiri jumped, startled, her posterior coming down on a set of buttons.  
  
Among other things, the lights went out.  
  
Sif's voice interrupted the silence in the pitch black room. "You know, there's times when that girl is tolerable. This is not one of them."  
  
"Can we engage her to the Pheonix Mage? He might be able to make something useful out of her..." Diane was thinking lamps, statues, rugs, etc.  
  
"Let me see," Celeste brought the power back up. "Oh dear."  
  
"How long before we can at least monitor a timeline?" Sif frowned, looking around for Kitchiri but the bimbo had already fled.  
  
"Five minutes to bring everything back up from an improper shutdown. Another couple of hours to monitor. A day or two to stabilize things." Celeste's bangs hid her eyes as she slumped at the keyboard. "Looks like the grab worked, but it'll take us a week to find out where they ended up with the transport interrupted. Together probably, though more than that I can't even guess. With the bookmarks wiped it'll take longer just to track what the Mage is doing."  
  
---------  
  
The alarms continued to ring until the third time Lorelei requested they stop.  
  
Baiko and Tamasaburo continued to prowl the grounds, though everyone pretty much thought it would be futile.  
  
"Statement: Dimensional disturbance has ceased. No indication of further activity. Analysis: Mamoru Tengoku and his marionettes were pulled through the same sort of dimensional rift that had appeared around the marionettes. Conclusion: without a means to travel inter-dimensionally we will be unable to track further."  
  
Gennai sat sadly, his two new marionettes unsure of what to do. "I've known Mamoru for years. What do you suppose happened?"  
  
"Observation: the marionettes bore expressions of surprise." Ginseng looked around, cocking her head in a pose evocative of a wary bird. "Conclusion: this was unexpected even by the agency that modified them or placed them here. Hypothesis: Sakyo is commonly believed to be the originator of the templates for units Apple, Melon, Grape, Blueberry, as well as several others. Extrapolation: these units were attacked or removed by the Enemies mentioned by the self-styled Mage during his visit. Extrapolation: if the preceding is correct - said Enemies are removing potential impediments to our destruction."  
  
"We're not ready, we're not *nearly* ready," Lorelei groaned. "One decent hit on the capitals and the backup hidden cloning facilities would still require months to be ready to run. Our ability to fight longrange is terrible at present."  
  
"Castle Japonesse could be ready to transform, but with the fist-rockets that's only two shots." Cherry hovered protectively near Otaru. Yes, they'd beaten Faust's best, but against something that could lay waste to a planet? She didn't have terribly high hopes. She (like the others) were hoping that the Mage had been exaggerating but afraid he wasn't.  
  
--------  
  
Third Labor timeline:  
  
Looked like a normal Chinese army, circa 211 AD.  
  
That is, until one looked with magic or got close enough to recognize the pallid sores covering flesh, the glowing red eyes, the forked tongues flicking in and out of fanged mouths.  
  
That was the footsoldiers. The commanders looked even more human. Appearances were definitely deceiving in this case.  
  
The commander of this force of 1200 warriors looked up and sniffed. "WHAT?!"  
  
"What issss, Captain?" The hiss of a sublieutenant indicated the Captain's alarm had not gone unnoticed.  
  
"Magic users." The captain sniffed again and grinned. "Looks like we may have a fight ahead of us. Good. This was getting boring."  
  
An invisibility field winked out as spell energy overwhelmed it.  
  
"Thee who travel starlit void,  
In my hand thy power's employed,  
Missile of iron and heavenly fire,  
Conjured to smite my enemies dire,  
Wrath of the heavens, fiery storm,  
I name thee now: METEOR SWARM!"  
  
**KA-BLAM!**  
  
The hovering Pheonix Mage watched as the explosions swirled through the center of the army. As it only did a fixed (and not terribly impressive) amount of damage for a ninth level spell, it had only been used for wiping out a fair amount of the cannon fodder ghouls.  
  
He wasn't unhappy to see that the impact on the army was minimal, as well as the glimmer of personal protection shields. The ground around them was superheated, so...  
  
Shan floated alongside him and whipped her Powerkey Staff through a quick loop, firing off quick bursts of energy to keep the fliers down. "At least that threw off the disguises."  
  
"Ice and snow,  
storm and blow,  
Temperature plummet at rapid pace,  
Ice Storm from my hands now race!"  
  
As the Ice Storm spell settled over the battle field, figures broke the cover to rise to meet the Mage. The battle was joined in earnest.  
  
-----------  
  
Minako Aino awoke, groaned and stretched. Then screamed loud and hard and long until a hand slapped over her mouth.  
  
"i *do* wish you'd all stop doing that." Grey sighed.  
  
"But... I..." Minako stared at her hands. "I'm incomplete! My flesh is..."  
  
"Oh that's right. You're Shinto, though less so than Rei." Grey nodded. One of the curious bits about Japan that'd struck him many times. To have any loss of body parts marked one as unclean somehow, yet they were fond of the whole cyborg concept in their mass media. This apparent conflict was typically Japanese... "It's not that bad."  
  
"Not that bad?!" Minako's voice was going up into the upper registers. "I'm a robot!"  
  
"Yeah? And i'm a full conversion cyborg." Grey shook his head. "Look all of us need some time to settle things down. Right now i've got several people in my head all screaming they're the real me. Until we've all settled this down, we can't get much done."  
  
Minako winced. Or was she Honey or Vena? It was all so confusing. "Who?"  
  
"Mamoru Tengoku. Sometimes Ranma Saotome, though definitely not a canon version. Or the Moon Kingdom Knight known as Nebula. Or Grey, cyborg and agent of Asgard's Rival Relief Office. Or Kei Ling, peasant soldier under Cao Cao's flag. Or Frostbite, a silver dragon priest of Etragar the Healer. Or..." Grey stopped as he saw a look in Minako's eyes.  
  
"Master?" Honey asked, shoving aside the Minako personality. Then another personality came forth. "Cousin?" Venus asked of Nebula. "Orion? Grey?" Minako reasserted herself as she searched the metal man before her.  
  
It nodded. Or he nodded. They nodded? Minako thought it confusing but essayed a smile in return.  
  
Minako relaxed and started drifting off again, the various personas knowing a measure of peace. Her Master/boyfriend/favorite cousin/husband was here with her. She was in an unknown situation in an unknown place, facing who knows what, but she was with someone she could trust. Honey loved and trusted her Master, and if it were a line of programming code did that make it less real? Venus remembered her stuffy old cousin Nebula, who quietly endured her teasing for years and was as dependable as anything. Orion her pet cat who'd been her late night confidante from when she'd been a child, then her transforming boyfriend Grey, finally revealed as a 'Ranma' who had been a dragon that could assume the form of a cat or a human at will. One part of herself whispered to another part of herself that some of her lives had been more complicated than others.  
  
=================  
  
Well, i had a request to term the SMJ xover. So i did.  
  
Oh well.  
And to keep track of the lumped lives: (most dominant aspect listed first)  
Apple (marionette) = Makoto Kino = Princess Jupiter  
Honey (marionette) = Minako Aino = Princess Venus  
Blueberry (marionette) = Ami Mizuno = Princess Mercury  
Grape (marionette) = Hotaru Tomoe = Princess Saturn  
Rei Hino (two versions) = Melon (marionette) = Princess Mars  
Grey = Mamoru Tengoku = Frostbite (dragon) = Nebula = Orion (cat/dragon/Ranma) = "Ranma (brother of Akane) Saotome" = ???  
  
===============  
  
Third Labor (Discord's Bet) chapter six  
"What do ya do with a drunken sploogie?"  
  
Disclaimer: multiple universes, various timelines, and a self insert (at this point a sort-of self insert as Grey's gone through several very different lives and decades of experience). Some characters are tm other people.  
  
-----  
  
Princess Venus swept into the Moon Palace, graceful and poised. "Bennu!" She nodded happily to the flame-haired mage. Friendly fellow, though he tended to lose himself in research and go off to that tower of his for extended period. Bennu waved back.  
  
"Have you seen Nebula?" Venus had decided her cousin was due for some good natured teasing, just like old times. Cousin Nebula had been sent off on so many duties lately, she hardly ever got to see him.  
  
"You didn't hear?" Bennu blinked at that. "It's usually *me* who's the last to know about the Court goings on... Nebula's been sent away from Court."  
  
The Princess stumbled as her graceful gliding missed a step. "Say what?! What happened?"  
  
Bennu leaned against the railing and regarded Venus for a moment. "Do you want the scuttlebut or the Official Version?"  
  
"Both," Venus answered promptly. "He's Serena's father, how could he just be tossed out like that?"  
  
"You know how he'd been sent off on quests a lot lately?" Bennu made a gesture that left a sparkling trail in midair. "Well, the Queen decided she was getting too reliant on having him about and..."  
  
Venus winced. "So, just like the last three Consorts, she decided that having personal feelings for any one of her paramours was detracting from her efficiency as the Queen. Think they'll reconcile like the last time she did that?"  
  
Bennu shook his head. "He's been forbidden to even attend the Court or enter the Palace grounds this time."  
  
All thoughts of teasing her favorite cousin was shelved. Though she was a Princess of the Royal House of Venus, and Nebula a minor noble of a bastard line of the same family, twice removed, the Princess had long considered Nebula a dependable friend. "How's he taking it?"  
  
"Pretty badly," Bennu confirmed. "He was forbidden from seeing his daughter again, and per the Queen's orders, nobody's told Princess Serenity about it, but he was always gratified to be able to catch glimpses and hear of her development. Now he might as well be on a distant world, he'll never see her again that much."  
  
Venus winced again. Both understood that Queen Serenity had wanted her daughter to grow up without unwanted dependency upon anyone besides herself, and that Nebula was the doting sort who would have been able to refuse his daughter nothing. It had been hard though, very hard on the Knight Of Duty.  
  
Bennu excused himself, grateful that at least Venus wasn't following him around with hearts in her eyes as usual.  
  
---------  
  
Minako/Honey moaned in her sleep, remembering how she'd found Nebula. He didn't drink, which was a pity as running across him drunk would have been less of a shock than finding the crushed individual she'd found on the outskirts of the Silver Palace.  
  
Then she'd introduced Nebula to her friend Princess Jupiter, who was trying to get over a loss herself. It had gone well, briefly, but then another disaster had occurred.  
  
Nearby, Apple dreamed. This time it was not of the Princess Jupiter.  
  
---------  
  
"So it's true," Makoto said, stepping out of the shadows and causing a series of squeaks and yelps from her friends. Minako, Usagi, Ami and Rei looked a combination of guilty and shocked. "How could you keep something like this from me!"  
  
"You're not scared or disgusted?" The cat on the floor inquired.  
  
"No," Makoto insisted.  
  
Orion couldn't help but make an observation. "Then why is your ponytail still sticking straight up?"  
  
"Heh heh!" Makoto reached up and smoothed her hair back down. "So, Mina-chan, you've been keeping this boyfriend of yours hidden?"  
  
"No, he's not really my boyfriend," Minako said truthfully at the moment. It would take her another year before she could overcome the image of Orion just being a talking cat. She'd had him since she was a child, and he'd only remembered how to transform last year. "We're just friends. Besides, we're too young for THAT."  
  
Makoto's eyes gleamed. She'd thought Grey a fairly exotic looking boy. Not as cute as her ideal, for certain. Maybe they were only in 1st year Junior High but Makoto Kino was ready for love! And an enchanted prince would do until someone who fit the profile a bit more came along!  
  
----------  
  
Apple groaned and shifted in her sleep. No, she wouldn't do that. Not again. Never again. The image of Nebula sparring with his favored weapon - a manriki gusari called the Chain Of Duty held in his hands while the long knife Sundererer was tucked in his belt. Followed by the broken man whom she had glimpsed walking away from Princess Jupiter and Narcisssus. Another image of Grey, seen from the doorway to the roof of an embassy, explaining to Minako that he understood why they would all abandon him again. The level of anguish in his that had made her want to break out of the shadows and hug him. Only to have the merger of timelines seperate them once again.  
  
Blueberry whimpered in HER sleep. Which was filled with dreams of a Moon Palace, and of finding a soulmate in the researcher Bennu. Only Bennu had had so many other admirers, some prettier, some smarter, some with more "talent" or more raw power. And there were her duties as the Mercury Princess which kept her away from research or study much of the time, much less fraternizing with an independent spirit who had once composed a song about the fickleness of Queen Serenity (devastatingly accurate and an underground hit with lower caste people snickering the lyrics where the nobles weren't expected to hear them). The song and composer had been banned from the Moon, which had suited Bennu quite well. Dubbing himself the Pheonixi, he'd developed a tower on Deimos - a moon of Mars and one of those who rumors linked as interested in him was no less than the Princess of Mars herself!  
  
Blueberry dreamed of watching the Knight Of Love, a mysterious figure indeed, and speculating on his identity. The same with the Knight Of Duty until it was publicly revealed that it was Nebula, who had been a consort of the Queen decades ago. Still, with the lifespans of the Silver Millenium, the difference in ages of a mere span of decades was of little consequence. Princess Mercury had watched the Knight grow cold and distant, dedicating himself to the Art Of Combat in a method similar to Bennu's love of research. And as for her, she'd had few consorts.  
  
Rei mumbled something about a "baka" a few times and dreamed of being the Princess Mars and her odd relation with the outcast and outspoken researcher Bennu. Of viewing her friend Jupiter's failure to remain constant to Nebula and seeing something of herself and her relation with Bennu reflected there. She rooted for her friend, saw her lose, and then saw the winner defeated. By duty ironically enough. She also dreamed of two lives growing up with her sometimes-best friend/confidante/fiancee sometimes known as Ranma with fellow fiancees/friends/almost-sisters.   
  
Grey had fallen asleep on watch, lulled by the gentle snoring of more than one of the other dreamers. He dreamed of a life where he flitted like a ghost, always there but rarely touching another, more unseen than not. Adrift and alone, caring but not cared about. Able to love, but not loved himself, surviving on dreams and false hopes. And then...  
  
---------  
  
"Suicide?" He shook his head. "No, it's against my faith. Else i would have done it long ago." Depreciating gesture. "Which would have made a few online people happier if the FFML is any indication, i think."  
  
The black cat regarded him briefly. "Perhaps. Yet the predictors show that you'll throw your life away trying to rescue a child tomorrow at 9am. And fail, of course, you simply don't care enough about continued living to struggle back from major bodily harm."  
  
"So, i know i haven't taken any of those weird anti-depression pills my Doctor prescribed, precisely because of weird effects like this, so why am i dreaming you?" The man regarded the cat with a curious stare. "Toltiir, Elder god of mischief, a being of near-infinite power and not even vaguely infinite wisdom?"  
  
"Curiosity and mischief *are* my motivation," admitted the sometimes-feline being. "I'm here to grant you a wish."  
  
The man gave a snort and scratched thinning gray hair. "Yeah right. Toltiir the Wishbringer, who got the position because the agendas of the various other deities in the Aramarian pantheon wouldn't let any of the others had it and they all assumed it was just another of your whims of the moment. i know the mythos, i dreamed the whole thing up."  
  
"A thousand chimps," Toltiir said, beginning to lick a paw. "Ideas have long been your bag. Let me put it to you this way, what have you got to lose?"  
  
"If this were real. A LOT." The man shook his head again. "The reason the gods left the position with you was that you're tricky and mischievous. Any wish granted beyond the most simple was twisted into something that would amuse you and cause no great or lasting changes in the Nine Worlds you mainly concerned yourself with. So any wish that *i* made would have to be careful indeed."  
  
"True," Toltiir said, not even looking up from his current task. "Again, what have you got to lose?"  
  
"A wish, huh." The man thought for a moment. "Okay... since i *know* you won't go away until i do something..."  
  
"Also true," said Toltiir, now using a hind leg to scratch behind an ear. "And you also know that I'm easily bored and so stalling will just make me make the wish for you."  
  
Wincing, the man considered the probability of something beneficial resulting from THAT being a null set. "In that case, i wish i was completely healthy, with my mind and sense of identity being unaltered, that i could continue to learn and develop new skills, ..." He continued on, adding provisions and clauses as he went until he had to draw breath again.  
  
"Done!" The being said before any further provisos could be added.  
  
-------------  
  
Grey came awake, remembering that. It had been that wish that had gotten the Binding woven over him and he had been transformed into something to suit Toltiir's sense of irony. An incubus, a male sex-demon who had refused to take advantage of his abilities and had therefore never gotten to the fullness of the powers of that form. He'd taken the name Grey as he had neither been truly of the Light or Dark, but a mix of both.  
  
He had been transported to Asgard, and had run into Ares on his first day there. Literally. Ares had been taking a wager from Loki and had been sneaking out of Thor's house WITH the thunder god's belt of might. The resultant quarrel between himself (unsure of who this was other than a thief) and the disguised Greek god of war had lasted just long enough to attract the attention of the house's occupants. The resultant beating had given Greek an excuse to continue getting even with the "little punk mortal" and Grey (caught in the blast radius) his first experience with the painful resurrection-through-flame that the Binding gave him.  
  
Thor had turned out to be gruff, tempramental, and a bit slow upstairs. Okay guy though, especially with his wife running herd on his crazier impulses. Sif had turned out to be nice, though with a temper than made even her husband quail.  
  
Looking out into the night, Grey adjusted his vision down to the infrared, a simple enough trick now that he was a cyborg again. Oddly enough it was the modified Triax Manhunter form he'd had on the first part of his First Labor. Until the Pheonix Mage's spell had rebuilt him. As what he couldn't remember, which usually meant that things had gotten pretty nasty.  
  
Little glowing dots were interpreted into bats, a slightly larger blur was an owl, and the big shambling shape was a...  
  
IDENTIFICATION: Tigerclaw Raptor WARNING: pack predator  
  
Grey extended his laser rod and watched the creature warily. The blasted ruin of the apartment complex he had brought the girls to was intact away from the opening he was currently at. He was sure he could kill this one with four or five bursts, but that would alert the others to his presence. Scanning the forest, Grey could make out five other blobs. A hunting pack. Best to let them move on. One advantage of his cyborg body was that it smelled like a machine to most predators. Inedible.  
  
More concerning was what this meant. A forest covering the mounds of fallen buildings. The gaping wreck of a hotel across from a largely intact apartment complex. Tigerclaw Raptors. Tentative identification: Scottsdale Forest, RIFTS Earth.  
  
This could be bad.  
  
One of the girls sleeping in the hunter's camp screamed in her sleep. The raptors immediately oriented on the sound and began running.  
  
Yup. This was bad.  
  
----------  
  
Another timeline:  
  
Gendo Ikari stepped forward. It was ready and now he could seize the moment. "...the Silver Millenium crystal..." With it, he could bring Yui back. With it, he could have everything and anything he wanted. With it, all of his plans would end in triumph!  
  
*BANG*  
  
Gendo stumbled and clutched his chest then stared down at the bloody hole in his chest.  
  
"I told you, dumpling head. A little .22 has insufficient knockdown and damage!"  
  
There came the sound of an asthmatic sewing machine.  
  
"An UZI on the other hand has some slight problems with inaccuracy but makes up for it by being a sort of traditional weapon."  
  
Gendo tried to stand from where he had fallen, looking back in surprise. "Katsuragi? But..."  
  
Misato leveled the submachinegun with a grin at the NERV Commander, flanked by the GUTS units on both sides. "Ami, you've wanted this for awhile."  
  
Ami nodded and walked past Gendo, not even sparing a glance at He Who Would Be God as he fell back down and drowned in the lake of LCL beneath NERV HQ. Then she looked back at her friends. "Guys. We should all do this. We've all suffered at HIS hands."  
  
Ami, Minako, Usagi, Makoto, and Rei all formed a circle around the rose-shaped crystal for a moment. As one they reached forward, each focussing on their own vision of what they held dear.  
  
*CONTACT*  
  
----------------  
  
Ami finished her breakfast, but then paused. What an odd daydream. And her husband transformed into a dragon and dead? Maybe she was coming down with something.  
  
"Something wrong, honey?" Shinji asked from where he was washing the breakfast dishes. He was concerned about her, medical school was tough and took a lot of her time. He'd taken over the housewife role mainly (despite her protests) due to her increasing load of schoolwork and thought this looked like a good time for his special sugar cookies. That usually cheered her up. "Looked like you were out of it there for a moment."  
  
"No, it's nothing..." Ami essayed a smile, still shaken by the odd dream.  
  
"Tell you what, it's been some time since we had some time to ourselves. Let's just schedule a little trip and there's that hot springs up in the mountains..."  
  
Ami blushed, ducked her head, and agreed that that *did* sound like a good idea.  
  
--------------  
  
China, 211 AD, Elsewhere:  
  
Jared brought his right hand up to his forehead, first two fingers extended.  
"Holy power, purest light,  
Come ye and cleanse this blight,  
Strike this evil from my sight!  
HOLY!"  
  
Bringing his right hand down to point it like a gun at the enemy, Jared proved he'd learned his lesson the last time he'd cast this spell from that Aramarian spellbook. THIS time he braced his arm so it wouldn't bend the joint from the force of the beam. As it had before, the white corkscrew of energy sped forth, drilling through yoma and consuming them.  
  
The land forces were getting into their own positions.  
  
"MERCURY COMET STORM!"  
  
Uranus and Mars linked attacks in a combo that had served them well in the past. "SHAKE AND BAKE!"  
Jared smiled as the large batwinged Thing From Another World rose up to meet him, a sword in one hand and a barbed cat-o-nine-tails in the other. It grinned in reply.   
  
"At last, a challenge!" That they had spoken simultaneously and said the same thing concerned a few of the onlookers. On both sides.   
  
The demon blurred and vanished. So did Jared. The two reappeared in each others places. More blurring and vanishing as the two jockeyed for position via Dimension Door and teleports.  
  
The demon roared. Jared yelled. "FIREBALL!" The fireballs met in midair and exploded.  
  
"FREEZE ARROW!"  
  
"FIRE ARROW!"  
  
Again the attacks met and cancelled out. By mutual unspoken agreement, the two faced each other with grins and started more "heavy artillery" pieces.  
  
The balrog made a set of passes with his sword.  
"Darkness beyond twilight,  
Crimson beyond blood that flows,"  
  
The Pheonix cupped hands in front of him.  
"Brightness beyond daylight,  
Coil of creation's spring,"  
  
The two reached the ends of their spells simultaneously.  
  
"DRAGON SLAVE!"  
  
"GODSFIRE!"  
  
The reddish corkscrew burst was sundered, the white beam of light racing past and narrowly missing the demon as he dodged.  
  
"Impressive," said the balrog, "but now that the prelimaries are out of the way..." The dread evil thing shot a beam of blackness out, which Jared simply sidestepped, allowing it to eat out a few hundred tons of cliff face instead of impact on anything living. With a confident smirk the Pheonix mage replied by taking out a sword whose blade seemed to radiate a holy light.  
  
"Do you recognize this? I've been dying to use this ever since I pried it from the cold grasp of the dead abomination that had eaten the original owner. This is a Fell Blade, a Demon Slayer, called in some cultures a Bane of Fiends. One touch from this weapon and your unholy kind are in   
danger of ceasing to exist, and if one of your unholy breed should be struck down by this you are irrevocably destroyed, no matter where it is you've hidden your lifeforce or what you've done to preserve it." The smirk grew wider. "And no magic of any kind would bring you back."  
  
The fiend chuckled warmly in cruel delight, drawing forth a blade of dead black iron, with squigly runes engraved all over its surface. The fiend had no sooner drawn it forth than the weapon began howling like a chorus of damned infernal spirits. "I've fought those kind of blades before, hero. None yet has slain me. Meet *my* partner in this battle: The Blade of Howling Souls. Over a dozen angels and heroes of light are bound within it, suffering endless torment for all eternity." The batwinged demon licked a forked tongue across its fanged chops. "And I've decided you're worthy of joining them."  
  
The Pheonix Mage's brow bent low in seriousness. "I hold no fear of rune weapons, they hold no power to steal or bind my spirit. I'll just have to spend enough time to free them after I've destroyed you." His smirk returned. "And I imagine neither task will take long."  
  
The Mage raised his blade high above his head and cried out. "Triforce Crown!" Bathing himself in a ten yard wide aura of brilliant light, yet constantly radiating waves of destructive force over the entire spectrum of electricity, fire, cold and so on. For demonic and foul creatures he   
became well nigh unbearable to look upon, and his close presense would scour their foul hides with energies that, while not the most destructive of powers he could weild, were guaranteed not to do his foes any good.  
  
And yet, uncommonly genuine feelings of peace and love and hope filled the breasts of any good being who looked upon him, and his aura of cascading destructions would sweep away the evil and yet leave all good beings or creatures unharmed.  
  
The batwinged general of the demonic army spoke a single word in a dread and abominable tongue and was instantly cloaked in inky blackness, a hungry, devouring sort of coldness that didn't apply to heat, but to the energy of one's soul, leeching and sucking out at one's very essence.  
  
The two forces sped together and met in a resounding crash. The howling of the demon blade met the shaft of holy light and the twin auras of light and darkness thrashed and crashed about as they met.  
  
There came an explosion and the body of the dark general went sprawling, propelled through the air by massive destructive force, to impact and shatter, bones and gristle flying apart and falling like shrapnel among the demonic army.  
  
"Man, what a pushover *you* were!" Jared exclaimed, floating in mid air without a touch or a mark on him. He stopped when something strange began happening within the demonic army. The host was dissolving, eaten apart by the shreds of their general's body where it had struck them. Hundreds upon hundreds of demons were dissolving down into icky goo, and just as the mage was about to make some quip about it, the dissolved bodies drew together into a single amorphous blob, which had no sooner assembled than it shot forth arms and limbs and grew into a single demonic being two hundred feet tall.  
  
The reformed demon general laughed heartily, and though the appearance was off the voice was dead on. It was the same guy. With sudden inspiration the Mage realized that the demon had never been touched by a Fell Blade because it was never *itself* it was risking! Through some means it magically usurped control of whatever body came to hand, there was not the link for a Fell Blade to work on because the flesh it struck was in no way connected to the infernal spirit that drove it. The true bad guy was basically imposing its will over others, and if its pawns were at risk doing it so what? There were replacements to hand.  
  
The real bad guy was doing this whole battle by remote control. The Fell Blade would never endanger him because it would never hit him, just servants under magical control and remotely empowered.   
  
Clever. That was an angle the Pheonix Mage hadn't ever thought of a demon using. He cocked his head at the giant monstrosity. "Fancy that, I hardly expected to meet a demon lord slumming on such a routine assignment. Haven't you rivals that you have to watch out for? Hardly worth a little entertainment if your enemies steal all of your power behind your back."  
  
The monstrosity responded by sending out thousands of tentacles from its breast, hoping to catch the Mage within their squirming masses.  
  
"Analyzing: Remote Operation Technique, Acquired. Tracing to source. There!!" Shan flew by and shot a bolt of power into a ring worn by one of the gawking footsoldier demons. The resulting explosion cratered the area and caused the evil artifact to split, releasing its cargo even as Jared finished blasting the artificial, two hundred foot tall composite demon into dust.  
  
"Shan, get clear!" Jared started building power between his hands. This would take care of ONE problem.  
  
The blackness formed and summoned its sword, swatting the bothersome insect that was annoying it with microbursts of energy.  
  
Shan didn't listen to her Master, using her Powerkey Staff to harmlessly block a strike by the demon's sword. He made a mistake, trying to absorb Shan's soul. Shan was a cyborg (and often annoyed by her Master mistaking her for an android) but one crafted to be an Ifurita upgrade. Therefore she did have a soul to absorb, but it wasn't that easy to defeat her. Use a technique against her or where she could analyze it, and she could absorb it and adapt the attack - adding it to her personal arsenal. No one had ever learned the Breaking Point as easily as she had.  
  
"Analyzing: Soul Drinker. Technique Acquired. Reversing." Shan blocked another strike, then brought her staff up and struck the sword. "SOUL FREER!"  
  
The explosion was immense as an "indestructible" weapon was shattered and the souls within freed all in one massive rush.   
  
"Chain Lightning!" Jared threw the spell into the massed ghouls, then returned his attention to the opponent facing him. The Pheonix Mage noted the unconscious and badly drained body of the cyborg falling to the ground below, and released tears yet didn't even turn to watch it fall. He had allies who would take care of her, do everything that could be done, and this guy was only growing as a threat. Though without that sword, he was perhaps less threat than he had been.  
  
The inky blackness that was the true creature stormed the Mage in such an amazing burst of speed that he barely had time to react as it engulfed him in utter chaos, tearing apart the local fabric of the universe around him as a means of indirectly destroying the well-defended Mage.  
  
The blackness roared. "You face a balrog prince, mortal!!"  
  
The Mage responded, his own god marks flaring with inner light. "And you a hero! Let God support the Right!" And with that, his god marks blazed alight, rebuilding the universe as fast or faster than the demon could destroy it.  
  
Unfortunately, as he was the God of Crossovers, that meant that when he'd rebuilt it they were no longer in the same place.  
  
------------  
  
Jared appeared in a blink of light and watched his enemy fade into existence. All of his senses were tightly focused on his foe so he barely even noted their surroundings: some kind of city somewhere.  
  
"If you want to escape, now's your chance." He told the demon, gloating as he appraised its weakness over the last attack.  
  
The balrog prince replied with a curling jet of fire that boiled the very air surrounding it, causing minor heat flashes and scorching walls not even struck by it. The jet washed over the Pheonix Mage, who had to laugh. "Hah! No effect at all!" Drawing together both his hands he   
brought them high and did the *quick* version of a powerful spell.  
  
"Archangel Sword!!"  
  
The demon intercepted the scarcely visible shearing attack with a flick of its nine-tailed whip, and bellowed with laughter in turn.  
  
The Mage's eyes narrowed in calculation. A tiny flick of that weapon had totally disrupted a spell akin to an armor-piercing Dragon Slave. With a gasp of recognition he saw the golden links that made up the chains of each of those nine lashes.  
  
The demon prince chuckled again, a truly nasty sound. "Yes, I see you recognize my TRUE weapon of power. The sword was useful. I'll make another with the last energy from the final beating of your heart. But so long as I have Spellbreaker incorporated into my whip you are already as   
good as finished! Just like a dozen angels before you!"  
  
~This was not good.~  
  
*****  
  
Whimper. Cry.  
  
Scores of young married females: Androids, amazons, cyborgs, Sailor Scouts, and at least one more, alternated between laboring feverishly and watching helplessly.  
  
"The local disturbance around that demon lord is just too strong!" Amy declared, working at the head of a team armed with Scout Planetary computers. "I doubt that we'd be able to breach that dimension even with a Scout Teleport."  
  
"So what you're saying is?"  
  
"For right now, Jay-chan's all on his own!"  
  
More gazes turned mournfully to the great picture that had formed in the absence of the rift that had taken Jared away. Seeing their beloved and unable to help him was sheer torture to most.  
  
Makoto Jupiter was ready to breach the field anyway. As a Sailorjin, this sort of fight was just too good for her to pass up. Danger? All the better. The only problem was that she blocked from it by two of her other selves. Vanishing like a soap bubble or merging with her local analogue wouldn't do her a lot of good.  
  
Seeing Belldandy work with others to help recuperate the injured Shan, Urd stepped carefully to the side and took out a cell phone.  
  
It was about time she made this particular call.  
  
Women of the amazon village, watching from a safe distance away on a local hillside, were both locked in awe and concerned. The battle had started with such fell magics on both sides as to totally humble the proud warrior culture, yet it was also clear that this was only one such   
demon army. If their protectors went away their village was as good as dust, and from what they could see these women, ALL of them, were intending to leave after their husband as quickly as they could find means enough to follow him.  
  
*****  
  
If the alarms had blared for the disappearance of Mamoru Tengoku, then the discordance visited upon Lorelei's sensitive ears now was indescribable.   
"CUT THOSE BLOODY THINGS OFF!"  
  
Ginseng's normal calm had slipped just slightly in her expression. "Statement: the Mage has returned. Request: run full scanning mode. Statement: we have met the enemy, and he's a big sucker."  
  
The statement was so incongruous that everyone briefly stared at Ginseng before returning their attention to the monster stomping the Kuno mansion into kindling.  
  
Otaru whistled. "That thing must be four hundred feet tall!"  
  
"Three hundred forty seven and seven eighths," corrected Cherry. "Slightly larger than Ponta-kun."  
  
"Don't worry, Otaru!" Bloodberry made a muscle gesture though she wasn't feeling nearly that confident. "With the new powerarmor we can..."  
  
Bloodberry's voice trailed off as the demonic being spat a stream of black lightning that ripped a ragged line of destruction that extended past the city limits.  
  
"..." Bloodberry continued to stare at the monitor.  
  
Cherry hesitated for a moment. "Uhm, what about the rocket cannon?"  
  
"Statement: Neither the rocket cannon nor the prototype marionette enhancing power armor would make an appreciable difference in this battle." Ginseng almost frowned. "Analysis: this does however seem to be the perfect chance to field test the armor under the conditions for which it was designed."  
  
"You're not suggesting..." Otaru stared at the marionette.  
  
"Statement: this unit is the only marionette which does not have a place or function within the greater society." Ginseng paused. "Analysis: this unit will not be missed and data obtained will prove of value to further series."  
  
"That's crazy!" Lorelei broke her silence. "You're..." Lorelei's voice trailed off. There really wasn't much use for the marionette. Nobody felt that comfortable around her and she'd already made available what data she had felt was safe into marionettes that *she* had built.  
  
Ginseng regarded them all, and not one met her gaze. "Statement: you know I'm right on this."  
  
------------  
  
Rifts Earth: edge of the Scottsdale Forest, about four miles from New Tempe.  
  
Grey had realized that the beings attacking were not easily discouraged. Therefore he'd used exceptional methods to argue that there was easier prey elsewhere. He started off by using his laser rod, even though in the game he was familiar with it only did 2d6 MD and was silent.  
  
Superheated air crackled behind each blast and the first raptor struck by the beam let out a steam whistle screech.  
  
Grey got two more shots while the pack leapt and climbed their way up what had been an apartment complex facade a few centuries ago. Then he switched to another weapon that he'd gotten a long time ago and in a galaxy far far away.  
  
*Vshhhhhtttt. Vum vummmmm.*  
  
These were not intelligent dinosaurs. One charged forward, drawing attention for the two flankers to attack from the sides. The lightsaber skidded slightly but then was inserted through an open mouth to exit the raptor's skull. The cyborg then grabbed the thing's neck, crushed it with an Anything Goes manuever, and threw it into the nearest of the two other attackers. Holding the sword forward as if to stab it, Grey then used a iaijitsu manuever to sheathe his sword in the one sneaking up on him.  
  
Grey clicked on his anti-Juicer protocols. These were fast attackers, strong, and he wasn't too sure what would happen if they got past him. He simply filled the doorway into the shelter and sliced and diced anything that came near. The raptors were too tough to carve through in a single swipe, but the damage inflicted was much heavier than the laser rod had managed.  
  
The raptors were wary now, clicking to themselves as they watched him for any sign of weakness.  
  
Grey was using IR to track them by body heat as well as by tricorder. He noticed them bunching up at an angle and spared a glance at the battery charge on the saber.  
  
The raptors attacked en masse.  
  
--------  
  
Jared made a gesture and spoke a phrase of power, surrounding himself with a Fire Shield.  
  
The demon cast Acid Armor upon itself.   
  
The rattle of a machine gun firing announced a third player, this one shooting towards the massive demon via some kind of jetpack.  
  
Both sides ignored the relatively low power marionette, who quickly ran out of ammunition anyway.  
  
Jared eyed the golden whip that had a 100% magic resistance. Any spell impinging upon that would immediately be sundered, which cut his options considerably. Chi attacks would work, but like his Devilhunter sword or his martial arts, they would only serve to whittle at an enemy this size.  
  
If Shan could recover her reserves, her ability to circumvent dimensions would bring the others here. Then they could use wolf pack tactics, striking from different directions so that the giant demon couldn't block all of their attacks. Just Shan by herself could probably generate enough raw power to take out the Spellbreaker, followed by his spells ravaging the creature. However, whenever Shan learned a technique and first duplicated it, it tended to exhaust her energy reserves. Having learned two techniques, employing them, and then being caught by the explosion - Shan would be out for awhile. Unless, of course, Belldandy could do that recharge thing...  
  
Ginseng's performance was closely monitored, that was why she was there after all. So the computers recorded that the machine guns and grenade launcher had produced no injury in the target. A flame thrower from Ginseng had absolutely no effect on the demon. A vibrational knife, stabbed into the demon's forehead, finally brought a response. The demon slapped its forehead, then scraped marionette bits off onto one of the buildings.  
  
The demon sprayed black and purple lightning towards its' opponent. Jared responded with a Force Wall while he planned. Magic items? Nothing effective that wouldn't be overwhelmed by Spellbreaker. Maybe...  
  
"Twist and turn the magic flows,  
Disrupt the spell from order's rows,  
Confound ye now the magic's function,  
I invoke ye now: Mordenkainen's Disjunction!"  
  
The demon was stunned as the conflicting energies sparked and sizzled around its' frame.  
  
Jared's eyes narrowed, then widened.  
  
If Shan could do it, he could.  
  
Doing something immediately dangerous, that had gotten more than one mage exploding into fiery, flying bits when it went wrong, the Pheonix Mage committed the Ultimate No No of the school of magic he'd been trained on. The fact that it had never worked before in all recorded knowledge did not deter him. Fortunately, he'd studied some schools where such things weren't entirely impossible, at least in theory.  
  
He invented a spell on the fly.  
  
The Mage brought a hand above him and pointed a hand below, using the slipstream effect of his flying ability to momentarily stay out of reach of the much slower demon. In fact the particles stirring in the air from his passage would soon trigger a plasma storm and *that* ought to help   
this out immensely.   
  
Now that he recognized the place, he knew that this was Terra Two. Terra Two, the Sailor Marionette world, where the air had a layer of charged particles. Three or four times a day, a Plasma Cloud would break out because of vortices in the air causing one particle to bump up against another and start an avalanche. Really tall buildings, aircraft, longrange missiles, all of these were made difficult to impossible by the plasma layer. Even the species of birds remaining from the colonization had been weeded down to those who only flew at low altitudes. Otherwise a Plasma Cloud formed and hundreds of thousands of volts would be pumped into the offending object.  
  
"Power of Water, Wind and Earth  
wrest thy energies from their berth  
Electricity, now lend thy might  
to aid us now in Heaven's fight!  
  
By the powers that I have named  
be now lifeforce unashamed  
The core of life in man's pure heart  
Energy to darkness part!"  
  
The demon's glowing eyeslits grew thin, then burst wide in mocking laughter as the entire city below them grew still, lights went out, computers shut down and marionettes grew silent as their battery powers (or in some cases their converters) were exhausted down to trickles. Even the wind grew still and the growing plasma storm sputtered and died.  
  
The demon Prince roared in laughter at the puny mortal's failure.  
  
Jared's reasoning was simple: Shan had an electricity to chi converter, why couldn't a spell do the same? Enough electricity to run all of Japoness, along with plasma energy for miles around, now converted and gathered into chi in his hands. Regardless of if he survived the plasma   
storms would be a hefty bit quieter around here for a while. He brought his hands down and shouted. Oddly enough, he'd intended to say "DevilHunter Chi Strike" but it came out a bit different.  
  
"DENKI BALL!"  
  
Caught in mid-gloat, the balrog prince got speared through the heart by many mighty megawatts of chi in a blazing spear of holy destruction that vaporized many large segments of its infernal structure.  
  
Many, but not all.  
  
(Of course, the beam continued on. Destroying the fifth floor of the tallest building in Japonesse, wrecking four observation towers outside the city, and converting a section of the Stormspire Mountains to the Stormspire Bay.)   
  
In the perverse way those things had of surviving long after they ought to be rightfully deceased, the balrog swept down its whip and spat out a ball of blackened fire, consuming an entire fifty story apartment complex in one mighty explosion.  
  
Tendrils of energy from the deaths that caused trickled out and began to rebuild the demon.  
  
Jared didn't know what he was going to do. That attack took everything he'd had and everything the city could spare also, if he drew any more electricity marionettes would die as their programs got erased from total power outage. That this guy could heal itself from near death by killing others seemed unfair when they were in the middle of a huge pool of innocents that could be made to suffer in order to repair the infernal thing.  
  
"Oh, no you don't." The Mage said between gritted teeth. "There's no way I'm going to let you win."  
  
"And he's not going to!" A comet streaked up and resolved itself into the image of Makoto Jupiter. "Try THIS on! RAGING JUPITER THUNDER DRAGON!"  
  
The demon staggered back but seemed not particularly injured.  
  
"KAME..." Makoto brought her hands cupped back. Sometimes the basics were best. "HAME..." To live in battle, to die in battle, and spend as much of the time in between snuggling- this was the fate of a Sailorjin. "HA!"  
  
The demon braced itself as if Makoto were spraying him with a fire hose.  
  
Tears stinging his eyes, the floating Mage called forth his crystal mirror that was his concealed spellbook, and without a glance from the demon he was fighting he calmly and simply broke it, taking from the precious object a blue gemstone he'd once called the Pheonix Eye. The   
recovering demon took a slash at him from a ridiculously elongated arm, which the mage dodged with difficulty.  
  
Makoto got slammed to the ground by a huge misshapen foot, then stepped on.  
  
"FOOL! He's used a similar attack already! My power allows me to adapt to such tactics once they've been used." The demon made a grinding gesture with the foot pinning the Sailorjin down.  
  
Inhaling, Jared shouted. "Knight of Duty, heed! As a duly ordained Prince of the Silver Millennium I summon thee to battle this evil!"  
  
Among the wreckage of Ginseng, a spirit warrior firmed into place and looked up, and up, and up. "You've *got* to be kidding."  
  
In that moment Jared knew a great deal more than he'd like what Queen Serenity had been through, sending beloved friends in to sacrifice themselves to buy time while you lost what dear things you possessed, building up the power to crush the enemy that had caused this. He steadied his voice with effort, and in that moment, he finally understood the Silver Millennium power. "Nebula, Knight of Duty, link your energy to mine."  
  
Reluctantly, the spirit figure dressed like a Musketeer began skipping across rooftops toward the Mage, who was wordlessly concentrating all his power into the blue eyeball sized crystal, while falling back from the enraged demon. By this time the balrog was too infuriated to speak, and extended an arm that stretched impossibly long to lash with its whip at the Mage.  
Jared's eyes came up, and he thrust forward the fist that held the gemstone.  
  
"Cosmic Moon Power!" Jared's jaw grew firm. "Fight this evil!"  
  
An impossible shield of light sprang up and intercepted the descending whip, stopping the magic destroying artifact with effort.  
  
The Silver Imperial Crystal magnified chi, but he'd used that up. It would also use magic, but he had exhausted all that creating this new crystal. When those were gone several times Serena had used her life force, killing herself to accomplish a deed. The Pheonix Mage lifted his blue crystal high and called upon his last reserves of everything.  
  
Then other presences began to appear. To his left, Shan flipped her Powerkey Staff around like a bo staff and repeated "Cosmic Moon Power. ENHANCE!"  
  
Makoto Jupiter lifted the Knight Of Duty up to where Jared floated, adding her own chi to the glow of energies as soon as Jared manifested a platform the single non-flyer could stand on.  
  
"aaaaaa HA!" BOOM! Makoto's hair turned golden and she was surrounded by a fiery aura as she went from normal to Super  
Sailorjin and finally to Super Sailorjin II mode.  
  
Shan had observed this twice now. She emulated it. "aaaaa HA!" BOOM!  
  
Now that his opponent was flanked by two the equivelant of two Super Sailorjin (a blonde Makoto and a blonde cyborg  
Shampoo), and the Knight Of Duty, the demon took a faltering step back in alarm. THIS might actually be tough. The power level he was facing had just gone up by a considerable factor.  
  
Jared cast a glance to his side, catching a glimpse of Makoto Jupiter's transformation to Super Sailorjin II, gasping ahold of her shoulder he diverted a portion of his growing power into another spell invented off the cuff from observing Shan close by for months. "Emulate!"  
  
"aaaaaa HA!" BOOM! Power rippled up around the Mage as his fiery hair acquired a golden cast to it. As with Shan and Makoto, he was quickly surrounded by waves of golden chi and sparks as the air itself became charged as it contacted him. His clothes altered, becoming a red gi-like garment edged with golden flames. His eyes altered to a glacial blue that matched the eyes of the girls flanking him.  
Makoto Jupiter noted the surprise transformation and fought the nigh-overwhelming urge to glomp him then and there for intense and frantic snuggling. He made her so proud!  
  
"This can't be!!!" The balrog prince roared, opening wide its mouth and shouting while belching a horizontal column of acid and black fire at its target. Jared stood unflinching as both acid and fire split and parted, evaporating rather than pierce his blue shield. The whip started lashing it again but the Pheonix Mage's gaze only grew more cold, if that were even possible.  
  
~After the fight, after the fight...~ The two maidens hanging by his side were inwardly chanting to themselves, fighting the urge to glomp him and carry him off to find privacy. Even privacy was vanishing as a consideration as they struggled against the urge to reward his behavior then and there. ~Let's kill the bad guy and...~ Vision of torrid lemon scenes went dancing in their heads, varying only in the detail of who got to him first.  
  
"I'm NOT letting you win this fight, you wretch! My friends are counting on me!"  
  
Casting a nervous glance to where two super-powerful females were gritting their teeth and clamping their legs together to fight the urge for a glomp.  
  
The Knight of Duty placed a hand upon the fist wherein the Mage held his new crystal, transferring parts of his energy. As if that opened up a bridge (it had) suddenly Jared felt transference of power from a whole *host* of Sailor Scouts. Portals opened up and the projected spirits of Serena, Rae, the rest of the Inners, the Outers, the Sailors Gemini and all the rest of the Scouts he'd helped in creating, combined into a burst of fiery blue radiance that gathered at the end of his arm as each and every one shouted her (or his- something that would have surprised the Mage if he could spare any attention at the moment) power phrase, contributing to the buildup.  
  
The Mage concluded it all by shouting again. "Cosmic Moon Power!! Moon Healing Purification!"  
  
A ball of brilliant blue energy that could be clearly seen from New Texas and Geltland shot forth from the Mage's hand, expanding as it went along, effortlessly consuming buildings that were unfortunate enough to be in its way (lucky, by now they'd all been mainly evacuated) and slapping into the balrog prince with a force that dissolved the magic whip (and its body) into tiny moon dust particles, before carving a deep trench so wide and deep that forever after Japoness would have bordering it a rather oddly shaped lake, before the ball of energy continued on, leaving the globe of Terra Two and causing that entire hemisphere to be bathed in bluish light.  
  
The Knight of Duty's spirit fought the urge, then gave in to it. "He's dead, Jim." ~Well, so am i but that's the way things go.~  
  
The Mage grimly nodded his head. "Yes, but that thing's fell master remains. I'll have to..." The redhead stood triumphantly for a moment before slumping into two girls' arms. Shan and Makoto looked at each other, nodded, then flew off with the Mage.  
  
The Knight of Duty watched them fly off, then waited around for a few minutes, growing steadily more agitated. "Hey? um..." he finally asked. "Aren't I supposed to disperse or something? Hello?"  
  
He looked down at the street far below. "Uhm, anybody? This form can't fly. Errr. Oh dear."  
  
A few more minutes went by and the Knight Of Duty sat down on his floating platform. "Great. i'm dead (i think), sitting down, no ladders, and i'm four hundred feet above a crater full of broken rocks. They look spiky too. i'm REALLY not having a good day."  
  
The duration of the spell expired, and the platform abruptly vanished.  
  
***  
  
In castle Japoness, power was finally coming back on, and Otaru already had his special marionettes hooked up to outlets. Cherry stirred first, having somehow been drained the least of them. As she came to wakefulness, her nose sniffed and she groggily asked.  
  
"What is that smell, Otaru-sama?"  
  
She was temporarily ignored for the moment, as the humans stared in awe at the sight of what had just happened.  
  
Gennai cleared his throat and nervously toyed with his beard. "And that's just our friends, imagine what our enemies can do."  
  
Lorelei excused herself to head for the Ladies room at all due speed.  
  
"Actually," corrected Cherry, hooking herself into the Castle Japonesse security network (one of Ginseng's ideas that had panned out), "it appears that the big trench and that gap in the mountains are the result of Mage-san. The buildings that have crumpled or disintegrated are from the big ugly thingie he was fighting."  
  
"Oooooo. Daisy, daisy, give me your answer do..." Bloodberry seemed to have stirred herself, though there may have been some residual damage.  
  
"Cherry-chan, what are the estimates?" Gennai kept his eyes on the monitors. "AH! Tamasaburo and Baiko collapsed there, camera four in the outer compound!"  
  
"Estimating over five hundred dead," Cherry said, her voice showing pain. "All those people..."  
  
Shogun Smurf, err, Ieyasu's image flicked on to one of the monitors. "All that from just ONE of those enemies appearing. It appears that we cannot survive much more attention from either our allies or our enemies. Otaru..."  
  
"Yes, your Majesty!" Otaru was a simple man, he'd gotten mixed up in a lot of big things but at heart he was a simple unassuming fellow who just went with what his heart told him was right. Though short and blue, this was his majesty - the ruler of Japonesse. Someone who had sacrificed his life and his happiness for his country, and who had privately agonized over the need to sacrifice the three marionettes for the return of the human woman. And for it all had been returned to life- as a smurf.  
  
"Otaru. A strong leader is needed in the times ahead. Due to my current form, I cannot be that leader. My clone child, " the smurf winced as he spoke, "was at the springs of Ravas Mountain in the Stormspires."  
  
Everyone's gaze went unbidden to the monitor showing the boiling water and gap in the Stormspire Mountains.  
  
"Shogun-sama, your wisdom is needed more than ever," Otaru began.  
  
"No, it is not, Otaru." The blue head of the Shogun sagged forward. "I shall leave as soon as possible. If it becomes public knowledge that I am in this deformed body, Japonesse will become a laughingstock. There is only one thing I can do. There is only one person who has the support of the people enough that he can take my place."  
  
Otaru's eyes widened. "Shogun-sama! No, I couldn't! I don't know anything about governing people!"  
  
"Otaru! There is simply no one else left."   
  
-----------  
  
Elsewhere:  
  
Ami was frantic as she contacted her friends. So frantic that it took them a considerable amount of time to understand what she was babbling about.  
  
"Shinji just up and vanished?" Rei frowned. "That's strange. Do you suppose because we rewove the timeline, his death was still in there somehow? Or maybe we just tried to do too much at once?"  
  
Ami startled and sat down. "It wasn't a dream? I..."  
  
"Our husband's been stolen, so we can't be slow, it's hip hip hip and away we go!"  
  
Rei groaned. "Minako. You have GOT to stop watching old American cartoons. Besides, he's Ami's husband. We're just engaged to him per our earlier agreement, until such time as we either find other loves or Ami graduates. And Ami is doing everything she can to hurry that along as it is."  
  
"You're right! We'll rescue him!" Ami stood up, a fire burning in her heart. "And I'll get him back and I'll let him know how upset he's made me worrying about him! That he... I... I'll... I'll... I'll hug him for hours and kiss him for days and..."  
  
Several envious sighs interrupted Ami before a Lime flag could be dropped.   
  
"But, Ami-chan, how exactly are we going to find him? All we know is that he vanished." Makoto felt that *someone* had to be the Voice Of Reason. Who'd have thought that role would end up in *her* area?  
  
-----------  
  
RIFTS Earth, Scottsdale Forest, January 107 PA  
  
"Aw crap!" Grey said when numbers finally overwhelmed him. The lightsaber had gone out abruptly, why was something to puzzle over later, and he was stuck punching and kicking. Which didn't seem to phase the raptors much at all. And so, once again, he was struck with one of the great truths of living on RIFTS Earth.  
  
If you fought alone, you died alone. Also fairly quickly and violently.  
  
One of the Raptors knocked him over then started shredding outer body armor.  
  
*KLIK-KLAK VUMMMMM SCHNICKT VSSSHHH!*  
  
Grape had pulled a large knife-like device out of the folds of her kimono, extended the hilt into a three foot pole, then activated the vibroblade. The naginata swept through the large reptile on top of Grey, sliced a neat little furrow into the one behind it, and then split the head of a third in an efficient set of manuevers.  
  
Now that their numbers had been pruned to less than half of what they'd started with, the raptors decided to flee.  
  
Grey ran a quick systems diagnosis. BAD. Major internal damage, systems leaking, power failing. "Dang it, this body keeps falling apart on me."  
  
"Master..." Grape knelt in concern, the others coming forward to examine him.  
  
"Uhm, this body is shutting down. We'll meet again in four hours or when you leave this timeline. Keep clear of the body in case the Binding resurrects me. i'm..."  
  
Everything faded out and went black. Grey knew what this meant. His *biological* physical organs- his brain and a chunk of spinal cord, had life support for a couple of hours as the emergency measures cut in. Since the only ones who knew where and who he was were some marionettes who did *not* have cyberdoc experience, that meant that he had total sensory deprivation for the next few hours at the end of which he simultaneously suffocated and starved to death. If the Binding was active he might resurrect, but likely wouldn't be in this timeline again. If the Binding was NOT active, he'd die and stay dead, going on to an Afterlife where he'd be judged for a lifetime of failure and incompetence. ~This sucks.~  
  
---------  
  
SMJ Timeline:  
  
The Knight Of Duty had fallen a mere three hundred feet. When he landed, his Knight Armor had proved to be capable of withstanding jagged rocks and protecting him from most of the force of the fall.  
  
The twisted spike of rebar, however, had been a different story. The Knight faded, leaving (to the consternation of those who came after) an albino boy of about fourteen years age.  
  
Cameras had recorded the Knight being formed from Ginseng, and it was well known by certain viewers of those recordings that Ginseng had been the marionette created from memory tapes of a dimension travelling cyborg named Grey. The young albino had been neither, but Gennai suggested a theory that the albino had been the human who had become the cyborg. As there were no other rationales offered, this was accepted. What *really* got people going was that other than the pink eyes, white hair and skin, was the resemblence of the corpse to a fellow named Mamoru Tengoku.   
  
The Mage and his girls had vanished, presumably back to the universe they had hailed from.  
  
Otaru had absolutely no clue as to what to do about any of this, was ignored by almost everyone who didn't like what he had to say, and was singularly unequipped to run a country. Neither, for that matter, was Doctor Lorelei. New Texas was not the only country looking to snap up the leaderless country of Japonesse, and various factions within Japonesse were moving to further sunder the country into complete anarchy.  
  
And then, two weeks after the Mage had left, the six year old clone-son of Ieyasu was found alive. Unfortunately, at this point, it was rather like lighting a match in a gas-filled room.  
  
============  
  
Oh my. Hardly the superpowered can-do-anything of the regular SI, is he? He is?! Oh...  
  
Next chapter: the Pheonix Mage discovers that good intentions don't always pan out, Grey finds himself in an SI personal nightmare, and Celeste sweatdrops a lot.   
  



	4. Default Chapter Title

Third Labor, chapter 7  
"Scrambled Identities?"  
well, heck it *is* supposed to be an SI after all...  
Disclaimer: [Xover][SI][Ranma][Sailor Moon][Sabre Marionette J][OAI][etc]  
  
---------  
  
The Pheonix Mage awoke and immediately summed up his situation in one word: "Mmmrrrrff?!"   
  
"Don't worry, Jay-chan!" Mina made a muscle gesture. Jared idly wondered where she had gotten the nurse's outfit from. "You'll feel better soon with NURSE MINA on the job!"  
  
Situational analysis: That battle and particularly the amount of energy he'd put into that last spell had reduced his capabilities to near invalid status. Maybe he'd overdone it a little, just a little mind you. Spell points were zilch. Silver Millenium abilities: drained to near nothing. Magical items - temporarily offline. Chi level- barely enough to keep him from slipping into a coma. Wrapped in bandages - not unexpected with Nurse Mina. Mina Lovejoy tended to have far more enthusiasm than talent in such endeavors. Or was this the marionette?  
  
If it had been anywhere near him at the time, he'd used it. It had been a TOUGH fight, and his opponent had been tougher than the average duke of hell. At least the ones he'd remembered fighting. Any resource he could tap into had been put into that last attack. His eyes went to the side.   
  
Belldandy was sleeping, which meant exhaustion, which meant that she had been the one to get Shan to where she could cross dimensions and assist him. He'd have to thank her later.  
  
Shan was sleeping, which also meant exhaustion, which wasn't surprising. She'd never gone to Super Sailorjin mode before, much less Sailorjin II. Once she had done a new technique, she'd be able to get the energy cost down but the first time ended up draining her pretty badly.  
  
Jared immediately tried to free himself. Not that he didn't appreciate Mina's intentions, no not at all. It was her execution of those intentions he found worrisome. "Mrfffg?!"  
  
"Oh, they're all helping with the refugees." Mina shrugged as she filled a hypodermic. "I *think* this is the stuff Ami said to use. Anyway, they're organizing the refugees into camps - and there's just a *lot* of medical problems they're working on. We're fleeing ahead of the main forces, of course. Though that girl Makoto is still spoiling for a fight. But don't worry, they left me and Scarlet and a lot of others who're taking care of you!"  
  
Looking at the horse needle in Mina's enthusiastic but inept hands, Jared suppressed a whimper. Torture by goblins didn't seem so bad.  
  
"Okay, Jay-chan! Time for your medicine! Jay-chan? Where'd you go?" Mina scratched her head. That's funny. He had been lying there a second ago.  
  
It was here that Jared learned the usefulness of many of the Anything Goes techniques, neglected previously as he'd never been much of a villain, vagabond, or fugitive. As he clung to the ceiling of their large tent, in agony and terror, he learned many of the fundamental secrets of pushing yourself beyond all human limits because otherwise you'd be dead.  
  
~Odd, so *that* explained some of Genma and Happosai's training techniques. You really *can't* learn this advanced stuff without your life being in danger from forces beyond your control.~  
  
His fingers slipped a few inches on the slick fabric, and he nearly fell on Mina's head. She was peering around worriedly, checking under sheets and in the other beds.  
  
Creeping down silently, he went in and hid himself in a place she'd already looked. Mina immediately turned about and swept the blanket off from him, revealing the bound-up mage desperately trying to pretend that he was Belldandy's pillow.  
  
"Aha! Don't forget, Jay-chan, you used the trick of hiding where I'd already looked the last time I wanted you to judge our bathing suit competition!"  
  
Whimper. ~You know, when Happosai endangers the lives of others he at least uses the opportunity to do the things he enjoys as the way of getting the masses properly enraged. Genma too, for that matter. No *wonder* Soun's daughters didn't learn much of anything from him.~  
  
The needle came lowering down.  
  
A quick panda sign got whipped out. [Say, isn't that the Three Lights over there?]  
  
"Who? Oh come on, Jay-chan. It's just a little vitamin shot." Mina waved the bulky syringe.   
  
As this was the sort of needle you used in veterinary medicine, Jared was considering options. [Oh no! Look, it's Akane!]  
  
"Good try, Jay-chan, now just take your medicine!"  
  
"Hi! Oh my!"  
  
Mina whirled to confront the intruder and quickly realized that it was Scarlet, not Akane the Hentai.  
  
By the time she'd turned around, Jared had discovered his monk abilities of Run Very Fast and Move Silently were still intact.  
  
--------  
  
Elsewhere:  
  
The Binding wasn't intelligent per se, but it was developing one as it grew more complex. It had originally been a Wish granted by an immensely powerful being and had functioned much like a computer program, but one that could learn and adapt in the course of performing its duty. Naturally it wanted to do this in the most efficient manner.  
  
So, upon Grey's death, it had been resurrecting him but imposing the only changes it could within its programming limitations: physical. Because heavily armored cyborgs tended to last longer, it generally went with those forms.  
  
An errant piece of data, and continued influence from the Discord curse, caused the program to evaluate and respond by shifting the Host in another approach. As cyborgs were not lasting so long, and the memories were sufficient to cause a reset, something to minimize danger would be appropriate.  
  
--------  
  
Grey came up coughing water. That had been difficult. It was all he could do to keep his mind intact through all that. Without the meditation techniques of Frostbite it would have been impossible to go through the experience. Something odd with the Binding though, in that instead of rebuilding him, it was relocating him.  
  
As the coughing fit passed, a few details began to penetrate. A furo, and a familiar one. The Tendo house. Grey pulled himself out of the water, a nasty feeling settling into the pit of his stomach. Female. He'd been female a few times. Never enjoyed it. It was like wearing wool or something, it was just uncomfortable. It wasn't him.  
  
So, a quick splash of hot water and...  
  
Nothing. Grey frowned. ~Okay. Don't panic. i've been a girl before. Not my cup of tea, but at least i'm not crippled, seem to be in good shape (wince) and... that was a heck of a lot of water i just coughed up. Oh man, i got inserted into a dead person! Long hair so it isn't Nabiki. Okay, i can deal with being Kasumi. Weird, but i can deal with it. i like cooking anyway, though those Japanese dishes are *not* an option. Or... Ugh. What if i'm KIMIKO?! Other than Soun's wife is gonna be frigid and not fulfill some of her wifely duties?~  
  
Grey nodded. ~That might be it. i've seen timelines where she died of cancer, or an illness, or miscarrying another child, or protecting her house from a burglar. In this one she drowned. Hmmm. This might be fun, raising the Tendo kids and solving a lot of problems. i've had brief experiences raising kids, mainly when the Senshi were turned into babies. Have to do some research...~  
  
Grey unsteadily supported herself, going out into the dressing room, looking into a mirror...  
  
and screaming in sheer naked (literally) horror!  
  
----------  
  
Third Labor timeline:  
  
Jared fled. He was exhausted otherwise he'd have been much better at it. Following him was a pack of would-be nurses. Truly, the path to hell had good intentions involved.  
  
Nurse Mina was concerning. Scarlet as a would-be angel of mercy was alarming. The Dirty Pa... Lovely Angels dressed as miniskirted nurses was downright frightening!  
  
And some of the others who were trying to be Florence Nightingale (or Major Hotlips Hoolihan) and nurse him back to health were WORSE!  
  
The marionette version of Lina Inverse was strange and hadn't gotten off a spell right yet. Inexperience, he expected. Hephaestus had modified a marionette into a sorceress (twice in fact) and Bast had seen the Dirty Pair and had supplied...  
  
Jared could have kicked himself. He tended to rely on magic and high powered attacks. He still had those PokeBalls! "MUGHI! I choose you!"  
  
"Bwaaa?!" Something very much like a mutant cat appeared out of the thrown PokeBall. "Murfff?"  
  
Jared flipped onto the cat-things back. "Full speed. THATAWAY!"  
  
"Mugghhiiii!" The Lovely Angels went into full-blown Cute Mode. "Over here!"  
  
"Eeeep!" Jared leapt off of Mughi as the cat changed course. Okay, maybe that hadn't been his best idea.   
  
Rolling on the grass, he pulled out a substitute mount. "ROSHI! I choose you!"  
  
Mink stepped out of the crowd of nurses and snorted flame. Jared sent a hesitant glance to see the semi-pterodactyl shaking its head at him vigorously. "Big help you are."  
  
"Griffin?" He tried desperately, calling forth a golden furred lion and eagle hybrid.  
  
"Just wing it, would you Kei?" One of the Lovely Angels asked of the other, as the latter pulled out her incredibly powerful laser pistol.  
  
"Pegasus?" He tried his next to last PokeBall of that day, only to have the equine immediately subject itself to the dazing caresses of a dozen horse-crazed teenage girls. ~I am beginning to think I am losing the war against cute.~  
  
The depleted Mage took a step back as the crowd of would-be nurses stepped forward. No magic, no... Hey! He was a druid of surpassing level! He could call on elementals without using spells or anything! Just summon them because they liked and trusted him so much! The badly drained spellcaster knelt and put his hand on the ground. "EARTH!"  
  
A huge earth elemental of surpassing size and power loomed halfway up out of the soil's embracing grip, took one look at the advancing crowd of nurses and help up a sign. "Sorry. I like and trust you but those girls *scare* me."  
  
Situation Analysis: I am about to be killed by the girls who love me most. Mina has a syringe that compares to medicine the same way the Spanish Inquisition compares to asking the time of day. I'm immune to normal weapons, but then so is she from what I've done to her and thus she can hurt me even with mundane objects, the energy of her enchantment equalling mine. Luckily, I'm immune to poison (three ways) and disease (two ways), so *maybe* it would be best just to subject myself to their efforts and live through it, rather than injure myself trying more to escape it.  
  
At that moment Naga the White Serpent exited the tent, having changed her usual black, barely-adequate-and-not-quite-that micro bikini for a white one of the same style and added a nurses cap to the top. She began her crazy noblewoman laugh and twirled a pair of handcuffs. "Well, if our patient is reluctant maybe we had better restrain him, no?"  
  
Kodachi stepped up to her side, dressed demurely (which meant without a doubt that she was wearing something kinky underneath and just waiting for a moment to dramatically swep this off) in a white nurses gown and snapping on a latex glove that went clear to her elbow.  
  
Jared sweatdropped.  
  
The Akane (non hentai) marionette type exited the tent bearing a tray full of steaming filth. "Hey everyone! I cooked breakfast for our patient."  
  
Acting without hesitation, Jared snapped the next PokeBall off his belt. ~Desperate times called for desperate measures.~ "Mara! I choose you!! Get me out of here!" That required a little extra thought. "Umm, nothing evil. I couldn't handle it just now, and um, try to keep me on this planet, just away from them. Okay?"  
  
---------  
  
Kasumi was the first one into the bathroom, having heard the wailing of a lost soul. "What's wrong, Akane?"   
  
The blackhaired girl in the bathroom pointed shakily at the mirror. "That... i... it... horrible. Horrible. It's... a nightmare. It's got to be."  
  
Kasumi looked into the mirror but couldn't see it. "What is it, Akane? Did you see something?"  
  
"i... Kasumi! It's..." Akane shuddered.  
  
Kasumi was shocked. Her tough little sister was crying and looked decidedly ill. "There, there, Akane..." Kasumi noted that Akane flinched at the sound of her own name. How odd. "Whatever it is, I'm sure it'll be all right."  
  
Akane glanced again at the mirror and shuddered. "Somehow i doubt that, Kasumi."  
  
---------  
  
Asgard:  
  
"AAaaaaaaaaaaa!" Celeste said, summing up the situation quite well.  
  
"What's wrong?" Belle was working with the log system and hadn't noticed anything particularly wrong as of yet.  
  
"Grey's dead in two timelines. His android girlfriends have just dug themselves in and are preparing to shut themselves down. Terratwo is about to go to outright war, and the Pheonix Mage is... well he's not in Terratwo anymore." Celeste started checking files. "Where's the Third Labor timeline, is he still there?!"  
  
"It'll be awhile before we rebuild datalinks," Belle remarked. "Trying to track the Pheonix Mage is difficult at best. Though that call from Urd tells me where he *was* at least."  
  
---------  
  
Another universe entirely:  
  
"Okay, I take it this family meeting is what to do about Akane," Nabiki flopped down into her chair. "She tried to hang herself from the stairway yesterday. Lousy job of it, didn't know enough not to use stretch pantyhose."  
  
"She tried sticking her head in the oven the day before that. Oh, that was in the morning. In the evening she'd recovered enough to go lie down in the street." Kasumi was fretting. Nice girls didn't repeatedly try to commit suicide.  
  
Nabiki held up a hand. "Waitaminute, isn't the waterheater gas and the stove electric? And we don't get any traffic around here normally."  
  
"Well, Mrs Yamani *did* manage to run over her with a bicycle, but it wasn't quite the effect Akane was trying for." Kasumi continued to fret. "Oh dear. Do you have any idea why she's doing it?"  
  
"And at school she threw herself from the roof. TWICE. The first time she landed on Kuno. Akane also tried to find the family cermonial tanto. I've hidden it of course." Nabiki shrugged. "Maybe the stress of school with Kuno's challenge just got to her."  
  
"Kasumi! Nabiki! I can't believe my little girl would even consider such a thing," Soun drew as much stoic dignity about himself as he could.  
  
Akane stuck her head in the doorway. "Kasumi? Where are all your knives? i've been all over the kitchen and i can't find any."  
  
"They're... out to be sharpened! Yes, that's it." Kasumi was sending little sweatdrops everywhere.  
  
"Oh..." Akane looked disappointed. "Well, i'll be in my room if anyone wants me."  
  
Akane trudged up the stairs while three family members watched her.  
  
"Kasumi, have you removed all sharp edges from her room?"  
  
"Yes, Nabiki." Kasumi sighed. "What are we going to do?"  
  
"Oh my," said Soun.  
  
----------  
  
Third Labor timeline:  
  
Mara (aka Marller) was OUT of that damn PokeBall! Finally. She'd been in there since halfway through the Second Labor!  
  
His wish had been clear, however, and she was bound by that damn sphere herself. The PokeBall was one of several "knock offs" developed by Raphael that used magic instead of some alien technology. Among the alterations was a Compulsion To Obey. This rankled but Mara didn't see a choice but going along with it for now. Though being a Demon First Class, she also *had* to twist it. The planet was Earth. There were a LOT of Earths. She had to go with him (he was still holding that damn PokeBall and she could feel her connection to the damn thing still) which meant a hostile environment version of Earth was out of the question. And he'd said nothing Evil which precluded a lot of other possibilities.  
  
Which meant... Mara sent her consciousness out to the nearest clusters of stable lines that had Earths...  
  
"Toriohime! I choose you!" (poof!) "Windy, return to your power contained!" (poof!) "A-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-TA!" (poof!) "Anpanman, you're here!" (poof & shudder) "Saint Tail! Stop right there!" (poof!) "You blockhead!" (poof!)  
  
Ah, Mara snapped her fingers. PERFECT!  
  
----------  
  
Nerima, a Ranma/Akumakun timeline:  
  
"Akane? May I come in?"  
  
"Uhm, sure, Kasumi."  
  
Kasumi entered her youngest sister's bedroom and immediately started cataloging the changes. It was almost as if Akane was divesting herself of as many female influences as possible. The room looked spartan compared to Akane's usual clutter. Akane herself was in a lotus position on the floor. "Errrr. Akane. I don't know how to put this..."  
  
"What is it, Kasumi?" Akane looked up at her big sister for a moment.  
  
"Akane, I understand that you were injured at school today." Kasumi began fidgeting again, not sure how she could handle any of this.  
  
"Yeah. Kuno. What a wimp. Freaked at the sight of a little blood." Akane shrugged, then winced and her hand shot towards her ribcage.  
  
"Nabiki said that you let Kuno-san hit you, that you impaled yourself on his blade stating that the only way he could have you was in death." Kasumi winced. Nabiki's description had been quite graphic.  
  
"Yeah. Geez, you should have seen him. Damn near went into catatonia. i tried to get him to complete the second thrust but he was MOST uncooperative." Akane shook her head.   
  
Kasumi nodded at the confirmation. From what Nabiki had said, Tatewaki Kuno was likely still curled up in a ball and mouthing denials. "Akane, I'm... sorry."  
  
Akane stared at KASUMI crying. "Oh geez. Don't do that. What have you got to be sorry about?"  
  
"But I've obviously failed to raise you or Nabiki well. I've failed Mother's trust. Nabiki is just a greedy skinflint with a need to prove her intellectual edge at the cost of others, while you're a violent maniac who's trying to kill herself!"  
  
Nabiki, listening at the wall, frowned at this summation of herself.  
  
"Oh, don't say that, Kasumi. You did everything you could but you were just a kid yourself." Akane looked at the tears for a moment more. "Well, i don't like the idea of suicide but living *this* life is just unbearable. Please don't cry. Kasumi... if i could do something for you, i would..."  
  
"Promise me..."  
  
Akane blinked. "Promise you what?"  
  
"If you care at all for me or Nabiki, for our family, PROMISE me you won't go killing yourself." Kasumi stared tearfully at her little squirming sister. "Promise me, or... I'll join you!" ~Please please don't call my bluff.~  
  
"WHAT?! THAT'S CRAZY!"   
  
"It's my failure and my responsibility," argued Kasumi.  
  
Akane stared for a moment then mumbled something under her breath.  
  
"What was that, Akane?"  
  
"All right, already. i promise that i won't intentionally kill myself." Akane's head lowered. ~Damn, i seem to have gotten Ranma's vulnerability to crying women.~  
  
Nabiki silently applauded Kasumi. She hadn't mentioned some of the things that had frightened off the horde of hentai at school. One of whom had glomped Akane only to find she was in the process of pouring gasoline over herself.  
  
The school was scared. Heck, KUNO was scared. Glomp or hit on her, and poom - off she'd go to end it all. She was quite obviously not taking care of herself, no makeup, it looked like she'd stopped trying to brush or clean her hair, had rings under her eyes and a tired/depressed air about her. And then there had been Daisuke. Daisuke had groped her, figuring Akane was too far gone to care. She had reached down, grabbed his nuts, and had then... Nope. NOBODY wanted to date Akane anymore.   
  
The paramedics had packed everything in ice, and they'd been able to reattach his... and the doctors said that there was a good chance he'd regain sensation!  
  
Nabiki had to admit that watching Kuno squirm on hearing the details, well, *that* part had been fun. Kuno now looked on Akane with fear. And if Nabiki enjoyed twisting the knife on a few people, pointing out that it was *their* actions that had caused her little sister to be changed from the cute tomboy to someone who didn't care if she (or anyone accosting her) lived and would prefer not making it through another day, well that was just Nabiki's fun.  
  
Though it had taken today's events to break through the usual denials from Kuno. He had had *Akane's* blood on his hands, literally.  
  
Yuka and Sayuri were afraid to come anywhere near the friend. Akane just didn't seem like the same person.  
  
---------  
  
An SMJ Timeline:  
  
Everyone watched the girl in the strange clothing nervously.  
  
She walked in an odd manner around the smurf on the floor, eyeing him critically, before nodding. "Yup. I can fix this. You want to be human, right?"  
  
"Yes! Yes! No more singing at night and unaccountable cravings for whatever a 'smurfberry' is. No more being stepped on or chased by cats. No more being a deformed blue munchkin!"  
  
"Sounds like a yes to me." The woman raised slender limbs the color of dark chocolate over her head, and a glow gathered between her hands.  
"Building blocks of life now heed,  
Double helix hear me plead,  
Change this one who's smurf in form,  
To human variable now conform!"  
  
Ieyasu looked up from where he was kneeling. "I'm...."  
  
"Human." Edema nodded. "Ah well, we can't all have the grace and innate beauty of a dark elf, can we? Oh ho ho ho ho ho. Errr. Sorry about that. I just watched a 'Slayers' marathon."  
  
"How can I repay you? That..." Ieyasu wasn't sure what to say.  
  
"Forgive him, he's a bright elf. They always think they know better than everyone else what's good for everyone else." Edema shrugged. "Not that most dark elves are any better. I left my homeland 'cause I couldn't stomach that sort of thing. Hoighty toity light elves, nasty vicious dark elves. Silly really. Two sides of the same coin and pride is the foundation of both."  
  
"ahhhh..." None of those present were quite sure what to make of this.  
  
"Oh, is this your attempt to rebuild Banana?" Edema crossed to the table.  
  
"Well... that is..." Gennai began to get nervous now.  
  
"Hey, just because I'm an archmage who grew up in a psuedo-medieval setting doesn't mean I can't ask questions. I asked Celeste. Nice girl, if she'd get over the weird clothes fetish and relax a little."  
  
"Weird clothes?" Gennai looked at the stiletto heeled calf length boots, the green and gold clothing that didn't hide much of the girl's dark skin, and the tattoo on her left arm depicting the silhoutte of a woman dancing. He spent a moment wondering what this woman(?} considered odd clothing.  
  
Edema saw him stare and tapped the tattoo. "My patron. The Dancer, the Moonsword. I'd say the elven name but you humans never pronounce it right. Now let's see. You've got partial brain tapes and you use these to simulate engram patterns, right? Giving the android partial memories of the original Grey. Except that it didn't work too well with the second Ginseng, did it?"  
  
Nobody refuted that.  
  
"Let *me* try," suggested Edema.  
"Gather here the spirit trace,  
To this golem give embrace,  
a quickening of mind and heart,  
reborn now within this part!"  
  
Ginseng3 gasped and spasmed, then seemed to go to sleep.  
  
"That might do it," suggested Edema. "Now for how you're going to pay me back."  
  
The nervous tension in the room grew palpable.  
  
"You're going to take a DNA sample from me," said Edema, throwing her hair back and smirking. "Because if that Mage-boy comes back here and finds a lot of half-drow babies it's gonna put a major torque in his shorts!"  
  
"But we don't want trouble..." The human again Ieyasu said. If it meant giving up his humanity again to safeguard his people he'd do it in a heartbeat. He'd been willing to die to bring back human women and rescue Lorelei. Having done it before, he'd do it again.  
  
"Nah, he'll probably just cast a spell to change 'em into half bright-elves, or whatever they call them in his neck of the woods." Edema shrugged. "And don't tell me you couldn't use the genetic diversity. Six guys and one woman don't exactly fill your genetic cup to the brim. Especially when NONE of you were genetic experts."  
  
"Well, that's true." Ieyasu nodded.  
  
"What do you mean?" Otaru asked, confused. But then he'd been lost early into all of this.  
  
"None of the six guys who landed on Terratwo was an expert at genetic engineering." Edema gave a "what can I say" gesture. "The six guys were an 'away team' - a geologist, a biologist, a botanist, an engineer who happened to be a robotics expert, a security guard/communications officer, and a pilot. The ship's computer went nuts before the genetics experts or anyone else was ready to leave, just the scout team that was supposed to decide where to put the colony. Otherwise they'd have been able to take the Xs from two guys and try to make a woman."  
  
"We did. But in those days the machines were breaking down and it would be a slow road to rebuild our technology to that level. We ended up using the mongrelizing clone process that was originally intended for taking a couple of animals and recreating enough of them to make a viable species. The clone banks and genetic samples were all on the shuttle, otherwise we would never have made it past that first generation." Ieyasu sighed. "It was a hard time and tempers frayed, causing our split from a single colony to the six countries we have today."  
  
"True. Now your timeline has seperated enough for me to do this, mind you - once I leave your land I won't return. You'll never see me again." Edema paused to smile openly. "Except perhaps in the likeness of the occasional darkskinned whitehaired child."  
  
--------  
  
Elsewhere:  
  
The note read:  
  
"Tendo,  
Boy got injured while training. Dropping him off while I attend to other business. Proceed with Plan.  
Saotome."  
  
Soun glanced down at the heavily bandaged boy sleeping peacefully on his front porch and began to cry tears of happiness. Why, they weren't due to arrive for weeks yet! And Genma's handwriting had improved immensely! He tiptoed away from the darkhaired boy so as not to wake him and give him an early start, I mean startle him needlessly, and went to find his daughters.  
  
"Kasumi?" He looked to find the kitchen empty, ingredients left in haste. Kasumi left a mess in the kitchen? Was the Apocalypse coming? Plodding up the stairs he opened the door to Nabiki's room. "Nabiki?"  
  
His middle daughter emerged from her sleep looking terrible. Eyes closed she muttered. "It's five o' clock in the morning. Couldn't it wait, Daddy?"  
  
"Have you seen Kasumi or Akane out?" He should've known it was a ridiculous question, but Nabiki often answered them anyway.  
  
She looked out of her window, not stirring from her bed. Then her eyes grew slightly larger and she rushed over to the window, followed by her father. "So *that's* what she wanted the extra bricks and boards for. I thought she was going to go back to martial arts practice with them."  
  
Soun looked out the window and became instantly terrified, turning himself about and rushing downstairs. Nabiki merely opened the window and leaned out, calling down. "Akane, I thought you'd promised not to *do* that anymore?"  
  
Akane glanced up from where she was losing the struggle with Kasumi for possession of the rope. "Oh, hi Nabiki. No, This isn't covered under the promise at all."  
  
Nabiki took in the scaffold and trap door, with newly painted sign which proclaimed "Hang the Psycho-bitch, only 5,000 yen (payable to Nabiki)."  
  
"This most certainly *is* covered under your promise!" Kasumi objected, yanking away the rope her kid sister had been trying to tie into a noose. "You said that you wouldn't ever kill yourself."  
  
Akane pointed to the lever, almost six feet away from the trapdoor. "Do you think i'm pulling that by myself? No, i was just helping Nabiki out with her money-hungry schemes. This way i'm out of the picture and make Nabiki and someone else happy! i figure i want to die and if someone wants to pay for the privilege of killing me i *wouldn't* be doing the dirty deed myself."  
  
Nabiki felt oddly used and soiled by that statement. Sure she liked money, but to be used as her sister's excuse just felt... wrong. Did Akane really see her like that? The thought made Nabiki sick. This being the third time in the past week that Akane had made a reference to this image of her shorthaired sister, and the apparent sincerity in each case, had been giving Nabiki some painful soul searching. "Akane! How could you?"  
  
Akane blinked with a sincerely puzzled expression. "Was it too cheap?"  
  
"AKANE!!" Soun bellowed, exploding out from the lower level of the house, enveloping her in a restraining hug and washing her hair with his tears. "PLEASE! Don't kill yourself. You have to think of the future of the school!" sob. "And just as things were about to go so well for us."  
  
"Screw the school. Has the Anything Goes made *one* person happy? Has it ever saved a life or served a greater purpose! The Anything Goes Style was created by a perverted little monster for the purpose of stealing underwear!" Akane protested from within the glomp. "If you want the school to continue TEACH STUDENTS!"  
  
"B-b-but..." Soun was beginning to register Akane's words.  
  
"But what do you expect of a style developed by HAPPOSAI?!"  
  
Soun shrank back as if a hot iron had been applied. "No! Don't say that name!"  
  
Akane frowned. "Well, if you're going to be THAT unreasonable, there's only one avenue left open to me..."  
  
A little later, with a moan, a young man wandered over to the source of the shouting. Blearily, the youth took in the sight of Soun holding a squirming Akane helpless, Nabiki in her pajamas sitting on the scaffold steps, Kasumi standing by with a partially tied noose, and very deliberately read the sign. Then he looked back up, holding his head to reduce the pain. "Wow, Nabiki! What blackmail material did you get over everyone *this* time? Only don't you think that's a little cheap? I mean you'll only get to hang her once, don't you think you could get more for it?"  
  
Nabiki's iron control faded and her lips trembled. Unfortunately, at that moment Kasumi chose to speak almost the exact words she was thinking. "Wow, Nabiki, even total strangers believe you are capable of doing this for money."  
  
"Or spite." The former redhead interjected, searching through his pockets. "Who knows? Akane might have snubbed her sister at a party or something. I'm sorry, I don't have the 5,000 yen on me at the moment..."  
  
Nabiki closed her eyes and shuddered, while Soun and Akane ceased struggling to regard the boy.  
  
Rather too out of it to notice the response he got, the boy went on. "But really, don't you even want to cover funeral expenses? Oh, I forgot, you'll probably have a 'dismember the body' party or something and charge admission, then sell the remains by the pound. Never let a resource go to waste, that's Nabiki."  
  
Soun began to wail about his daughter having arranged all of this to make money.  
  
The Ranma-lookalike watched in puzzlement as the middle Tendo broke out bawling and ran into the house. "Was it something I said?" He asked, honestly puzzled in his hazy confusion why she would act like that.  
  
Then again, in his state of being newly on the recovery from being nine-tenths dead himself, the harshness of his own words escaped him. At this point he didn't even realize that he was disguised as Ranma Saotome. Yawning, the bandaged youth wandered over and took Kasumi by the hand, guided her down to the grass, curled up around her and went back to sleep.  
  
Kasumi was sitting there stiffly, blinking her tumbled brains out.  
  
Soun began the ever-so-classic wail about the houses about to be joined.  
  
Akane found herself free to go, and began to wonder what to do with herself. Then she noted the boy was wearing a sword and that it was Ranma. Sword wielding Ranma? How odd. Not that she hadn't seen stranger things.  
  
Asleep with his head in her lap, the boy mumbled something that began with "'sumi-chan..."  
  
  
----------  
  
RIFTS Earth:  
  
Apple hesitated. "So... Master has a native version?"  
  
The girl leaned back against the wall and seemed to contemplate the ceiling. "He and thee have bound thy essences twice. And like he, thou dost continue to gather fragments of thyself that be scattered through the timelines."  
  
"What exactly is your tie to Master," Grape asked, "you... aren't a fiancee, are you?"  
  
"Bragi's balls, child, NO. I've already got enough on mine plate. And before thee ask, NOT that fellow." She shook her head. "What his local Analogue be is what they call a techno-wizard. When the Wanderer doth return, he shall merge with the local and add to the gestalt."  
  
"Then Master will return?" Honey asked of the stranger.  
  
"Aye," said the woman, holding up a finger. "First the Life Line spell. Cast once when thy current versions first did meet, then renewed by thee in the next timeline. It is this which, more than anything else, marks you as incompatible with your Senshi identities. Sworn to someone other than thy princess, after all, is not in keeping with those identities. Seek thy hearts, do you not see the words emblazoned within? Thou art sworn to serve him as thy liege."  
  
The marionette identities had little problem with this. Some of the others did.  
  
"Second," the woman said, holding up a second finger. "The ties were reborn when the cat did his own deal with thee. Merge with thy other selves in the land of the Pheonix Mage, or thy lives and his would be forever bound together."  
  
A few aspects remembered that, for others this was news to them.  
  
"Third," the woman added a third finger to the two she held up. "Thee may be interested to see what the local aspect of this Grey is doing... and who he be with." Fleece grinned. This would cement the deal for sure. If only her translator was working right.  
  
----------  
  
McAngus Village, near the ruins of Wickenburg in Arizona, RIFTS Earth.  
  
"Suzi, did you feel that?" The man in Urban Warrior armor backed up slightly and pulled a rod off his belt.  
  
The woman with long green hair nodded but remained silent.   
  
The rod had a crystalline top which rotated with an odd noise. "C'mon, let's get back to Quartzite. Something's scanning for us."   
  
-----------  
  
"Please, please, kill me! i'm an uncute brute, i'm a vicious violent thug, the world will be a better place without me!"  
  
Jared stared at Akane for a moment, then looked around to see if Rod Serling was waiting in the wings or something. "Uhm..."  
  
"PLEASE KILL ME! i don't deserve to live! i'm a horrid person. i can't cook, i'm manipulative and vain and evil!"  
  
Jared starts backing up, *really* wishing he could cast a few spells right now. Detect Lie, Detect Evil, Detect Invisible... "Wait a minute, errrr, something isn't right here."  
  
Akane pulls out a mallet. "C'mon. i'm armed now and attacking! You can do it! Just one quick thrust and you can claim it was self defense."  
  
Jared's sword was out and lopping the top of the mallet off in a single quick stroke. Which immediately came down on Akane's head and knocked her out.  
  
"What the heck?!" Jared stared puzzled as Akane recovered from her faint. "Why? How? What?!"  
  
Akane frowned and tried another tack. "What, are you a coward then? Not much of a man at all are you?!"  
  
Jared gripped the sword a bit tighter until he noticed Akane's grin and that she was watching the sword. She... genuinely wanted him to kill her?  
  
Seeing him hesitate, Akane tried some more. "Coward! Little girl! Instead of doing something heroic like saving the world from an insidious cancerous evil, you choose not to face your responsibilities. Are you TRYING to be like your Oyaji!"  
  
*CLANK!*  
  
Jared lowered the blade, having used the flat to knock Akane out again. "This has just gone beyond weird into the realm of ludicrous. I must have gotten hurt worse than I thought."  
  
He pulled out a PokeBall. "Mara! I choose you!"  
  
"Yes!" The gloating demoness materialized in a swirl, then turned sultry eyes on the mage. "Anything I can do for you, lover boy?"  
  
He immediately grew suspicious. "Oh, yeah. I should have realized. Tempting me to break my marriage vows would be evil, and of particular satisfaction to *you* because of how much it would hurt Belldandy. No thank you."  
  
Mara acquired the typical 'what a wonderful idea' expression.  
  
Jared waved the thought away, not having noticed. "No, I was going to ask. What did you do to me, where am I, and why is Akane acting less evil this time? I believe I've actually seen remorse in those eyes and self-loathing, both of which she's normally too impenetrably proud to feel." He considered thoughtfully. 'Though if she *were* to feel them she's got enough evil deeds stacked up to feel potential remorse over that could explain why she'd be acting like this."  
  
He shook his head. "I've been around Scarlet too long. It used to be a reflex action: see Akane, kill Akane. As natural as breathing. But something's gone wrong here." He regarded the demoness with a wary eye. "So what is it?"  
  
"Well, for one thing," Mara said thoughtfully, producing a mirror.  
  
Jared frowned, glanced into it, then squeaked. "WHAT?! What's the meaning of this?"  
  
Mara waggled a finger. "You're hiding, remember. This was the nearest timeline that didn't have evil dominating, habitable, and where my meager abilities could hide you. And it's a pretty damn good disguise, if I say so myself. With the amount of manna I've got right now, you should be grateful."  
  
"So you made me look like *Ranma*?!" Jared frowned then gave it up with a sigh.  
  
"Hey, it's difficult to see anything from the bottom of stuffspace but I overheard enough that you're familiar with the role." Mara shrugged. "Until I find a way to get that PokeBall away from you, I'm stuck with you."  
  
"Mara, return," Jared/Ranma said, holding the PokeBall up and waiting until the demon was sucked inside. Actually, this wasn't bad. He might be able to make it work. Now if he could just figure out what the heck he'd walked into...  
  
-----------  
  
Jared sat back in the tub, confused by the events of the day.   
  
*SHHOOOSH!*  
  
Jared slowly brought his head up to see Akane standing in the doorway. He was ready for it. He knew the scene by heart.  
  
"Oh sorry. i didn't know it was in use. My apologies." Akane bowed and closed the door. There came the rustle of clothes being put back on and the outer door opening and closing.  
  
Jared realized his jaw was hanging down so far that he was taking in water. That had been...   
  
Akane making a mistake. Taking responsibility for it. And apologizing.  
  
"Arrggghhhhhh! How OOC can you get?!" Jared asked the ceiling, almost expecting a reply.  
  
-----------  
  
Jared got up with the sunrise, feeling better, and realized someone was practicing katas below in the yard. Akane. Or whatever that smiling THING was.   
  
"Hey, brother-in-law!" Akane called out, apparently seeing Jared at the same time. "Wanna spar?"  
  
Jared nodded, THIS was at least in the usual script. Then realized he had just agreed to the sparring match. "Oh my."  
  
"Don't worry, Kasumi," Akane called into the house, "i won't rough up your fiance!"  
  
"Confident, are you?" Jared said, taking a stance. Then frowning. Akane's center and breathing didn't match the profile he was expecting. Not in his class. Not NEARLY in his class. But sufficiently good that she would have given Ryoga Hibiki a hard time. Both of the combatants noted the presence of two girls and an older man watching from the sidelines and dismissed them. Akane bowed deeply, but her eyes never moved from her opponent.  
  
Jared bowed back, not as deeply, but also not taking his eyes from his opponent. They simultaneously went into "ready" stances and held position in a psychic duel.  
  
A leaf blew between them.  
  
Akane all but exploded towards Jared, rotating for a flying kick that Jared immediately realized was feint for an en passant manuever. Jared ducked and rolled, avoiding the grab, and bounced into his own attack.  
  
"Oh... MY!" Kasumi said as the two fighters blurred into a series of punches, counterpunches, kicks, blocks, and other manuevers that Kasumi couldn't immediately name.  
  
"Kachuu Tenshin Amaguriken!" Akane announced, throwing twenty five punches a second towards Ranma.  
  
"Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire," said "Ranma", blocking with the same technique and wondering how the heck Akane had learned AMAZON techniques. Though she was only about a quarter of as fast as she should be.  
  
"Bakusai Tenken," tried Akane, blowing a huge divot in the ground. Then spitting as she'd had her mouth open during that and had gotten dirt in her mouth.  
  
Jared backed up. Yes, if he went all out the fight would be over. Yet he was "Ranma" for the moment and Ranma only fought full out in very rare circumstances. Besides, he was learning more about this odd Akane, though none of it made any sense.  
  
"Shi... shi... hokodan!" Akane fired off a quick burst of green chi.  
  
Nabiki openly stared. Akane... had gotten good. REALLY good. One could tell that she was going all out, that Ranma wasn't, but what Akane was doing was still quite impressive.  
  
The two came to a stop. Jared had nearly died recently, and so was somewhat out of breath. Akane trembled on the edge of exhaustion and panted heavily.  
  
"Not... (pant) bad... (gasp), Ranma." Akane said. "But try this!"  
  
Seeing that Akane was about to try the Grandmaster Blow, and botch it, Jared moved. He leapt up, landed behind Akane and tapped her in the back of the head.  
  
"I know what you planned," Jared said in a low voice, eyes narrowed. "You planned on our fight increasing in speed and severity until I accidently killed you."  
  
Akane panted and quietly agreed. "You gonna do it, Ranma?"   
  
"Nice try," mumbled Jared/Ranma.  
  
"Akane?! When did you learn those techniques?" Soun had been rather amazed at the performance of his youngest. That Genma's son was good was only to be expected.   
  
"Recent developments. This was the first chance i had to try them out like that." Akane made a gesture towards her opponent, and not an impolite one. "Though Ranma here is *much* better than I could be. I've never had nearly the sort of focus he has for the Art."  
  
Jared staggered again, surprised anew. Akane was being generous? Humble? Honest?   
  
"So, son, have you decided yet which of my little girls you're going to make happy?" Soun turned his attention to the most important matter now that Genma's son was conscious and cognizant.   
  
Akane blurted out quickly: "Oh, he wants Kasumi!"  
  
"Huh?!" Again Jared staggered under a scene going completely different from what he expected.   
  
Kasumi and Nabiki blinked.   
  
"Oh yes," Akane said. "Since i promised i wouldn't kill myself, i shall instead shave my head and become a nun - dedicating myself to a life of privation and suffering in the cause of helping others. In such a way, perhaps i can make up in some small measure for being such an evil psycho-bitch."   
  
Everyone present sweatdropped. Jared considered facefaulting but he still wasn't completely recovered from his battle with the demon.  
  
"Besides, Ranma has been horribly abused all his life by his father and to heal him of those experiences requires a gentle touch. That's Kasumi. Nabiki couldn't be kind and gentle if you paid her."   
  
"Urk," Nabiki said, leaning over and clutching her chest.   
  
"Kasumi likes to cook, Ranma likes to eat, Kasumi's gentle and thoughtful, Ranma's got a lot of experience with the Art but not that much with Life." Akane shrugged and smiled playfully. "Kasumi's beautiful and intelligent, kind and talented. Her strengths compliment Ranma's, instead of competing with him. It's a good match, don't ya think?"   
  
"WHAT?! How can you join a nunnery?!" Soun focussed on the bit that Akane had hoped would be overlooked during her recitation of why Kasumi was the best choice. "I forbid it!"   
  
"Well, put that way, it does sound logical," agreed Jared absently.   
  
"Oh my," said Kasumi, blushing prettily. Akane might be a suicidal maniac, but she certainly had made a good argument.   
  
"No!" Nabiki snuggled against one side. "I can be the kind and nurturing type too!" Besides, after all these relevations about how people viewed her as a heartless mercenary, Nabiki just wanted someone to hold her and give some degree of comfort. Unfortunately, the guy wasn't responding.  
  
"Well, son?" Soun asked Jared before turning his attention back to Akane. "Don't think that this is the end of this conversation, young lady!"  
  
Jared blinked. "I'm sorry. What was the question?"  
  
Soun facefaulted, then did his best Looming Horror look. "Which of my daughters are you going to marry?"  
  
"You want Kasumi!" Akane suggested. "I mean look at her. Beautiful, graceful, intelligent, a good cook! Okay, she's a bit shy, tends to be in the background. That's why you're perfect for her! She needs to get out more, get more excitment into her life, and she's such a caring person that someone who can care BACK is ideal."  
  
Everyone stared a moment at Akane, who just said "what?!"  
  
Soun was about to speak again when Akane continued. "On the other hand there's Nabiki. A heartless profiteer with no sense of honor. A flawed soul doomed to loneliness whose dreams of conquering the business world will have her a Wall Street Privateer by 24, and a has-been eating out of trashcans by 29." Akane spoke from experience, having witnessed the rise and fall of Nabiki Tendo a few times. Eventually she fell, her habits by the time of the failed first wedding between Ranma and Akane having reduced her to a mercenary shell, and being able to trust no one or nobody, and not being trusted by anyone eventually reducing her to the insane wretch he'd seen on six different timelines. Not pretty.  
  
As this occurred to her, it also occurred that this might be it- the reason that HIS spirit had been reincarnated into the body of a recently drowned Akane. Maybe the family got even worse off without Akane (as hard as that was to believe) so...  
  
"Oddly enough, I can see that happening. Where nobody trusts her, nobody likes her, and she turns her back on the world itself. Rather like Gollum in the Hobbit..." Jared(Ranma) nodded.  
  
Nabiki twitched a few times. This guy wasn't responding to her hug. Not good. Her family hadn't noticed. Bad. They were casually discussing her as if she had become some loathsome little creature to whom profit was the only good. She'd had enough self-doubt and guilt eating away at her for the past week that she wasn't able to dismiss the concept out of hand. She had some friends, but they tended to be more like casual acquaintances and colleagues. Henchwomen perhaps...  
  
"Oh my," Kasumi said, still blushing over Akane's earlier words. "I..."  
  
Jared thought for a moment. "Uhm, Mister Tendo. I'm really tired right now. I haven't nearly recovered from my injuries. I think I need a quick lie down."  
  
"Oh..." Soun frowned, but the boy *did* look pale. "Okay, son, but by dinner tonight, we'll need your decision."  
  
---------  
  
Third Labor timeline:  
  
The silver dragon dropped out of the sky and considered the mesa below her. If she understood right, this particular mountaintop would remain unclaimed for several hundred years. Even when the Anasazi broke up into their smaller tribes, and the Hopi occupied the three mesas far to the South, this land would remain clear. Particularly if she took action NOW.  
  
That Pheonix Mage had promised. SHE had not. And it was HER consort- Nebula, Princess Serenity's father, that was going to need help here.  
  
The dragon shifted into a silver haired girl, who had eschewed her normal gowns for clothing that was a little more practical in the unhewn wilderness. HER association with the Pheonix Mage had not been as a wife or lover.   
  
(Well, it had looked likely briefly, then the Mage had found a way to deflect at least one suitor.)  
  
This looked like an ideal place to put a city where allies would abide until called centuries hence.  
  
As a group of Amazon refugees gated in, Queen Serenity summoned power.   
  
---------  
  
Back in the Ranma/Akumakun timeline.  
  
Kasumi was starting to put dinner on the table. "Ranma, what was that you were doing earlier?"  
  
The displaced mage took a moment to recognize that she meant *him*, then spent a moment fruitlessly churning mental wheels still loose from the overwheming strain he'd put them under during the fight. In an odd moment of unrelated insight, he discovered this was pretty close to what Shan must feel absorbing techniques, only she had more practice with it than he did.  
  
He roused himself from the introspective stupor a bit before Kasumi began wondering if she should repeat her question. "Sorry, 'sumi-chan. What was I doing earlier that drew your attention?"  
  
She blinked. "The part where you were glowing and floating off the floor."  
  
Nabiki and Soun refocused their attention away from the meal. Jared/Ranma relaxed. ~Whew!~ "Oh, that was nothing. A chi meditation technique I picked up to reharness internal energies. The glowing comes from a techique called Dragon Chi, where you tie into the natural flow of power in the world. I use it to divert a portion for rebuilding my reserves, which are pretty badly depleted." He sniffed at the meal. ~Hmm, smells delicious.~  
  
Kasumi joined the others, kneeling at the table and removing the cover from a steaming rice and pork dish. Taking his plate to serve him, she asked. "And the levitating?"  
  
The mage had to chuckle. "Um, I learned how to do that studying a Flying Dragon style of kung fu, and it keeps cropping up at the oddest moments." He sighed, thinking back to his early pre-saving the world adventuring days. "Once or twice when we've been low I've sat out on a street corner with a sign 'Will Levitate For Food.' It's worked pretty well. But really, when we've got some operating cash I FAR prefer to set myself up as a confectioner or a Martial Art performance cook. Cutting salads while I and the ingredients are both in mid air is impressive, but it doesn't taste nearly as good as yours."  
  
"Wasn't it Akane who used the chi blast in that sparring match you had?" Nabiki intruded, determined not to be left out in this conversation. "How was it your reserves got so low?" She spent a moment on how to insinuate a come on in that question and failed, determining that she may as well let this one slide to build a 'trustworthy confederate' role which she could work on and expand. She wasn't out of this by a long shot!  
  
Ranma looked at her, as if surprised to see her (which, in his muddled condition, he actually was having some difficulty keeping track of some things like that). "Hmm? Oh, no. It wasn't the fight at all. I'd been killing demons and the last one wouldn't go down without a battle royal. I got him, but not before he'd destroyed a couple hundred people. Kasumi, can I have some more rice, please?"  
  
A cold wind blew through the house as all of the others sat like icicles.  
  
Jared was torn. It had been two full days since the battle, and his recovery left much to be desired. Chi was burbling back, more slowly than he would've liked, but it was coming. Magic potential, on the other hand, was dribbling in in unsatisfactory amounts. He had some natural abilities restored, but nothing in the way of spell points yet, and those were important.  
  
He began to consider his 'godly recharge' and wondered if he stole a few kisses if it would be taken wrong.  
  
----------  
  
The refugees looked over their new cities in wonderment.  
  
Queen Serenity had meant to go forward a mere two hundred years to 411 AD. Instead, the gateways centered on her had carried the refugees to the North American continent- but in the year 911 AD instead - seven hundred years after China had fallen to evil.  
  
Other refugees had been culled from other disasters, as not everyone had been able to follow the signal precisely. When Korea had been besieged and finally crushed by the hordes, the marionette sorceress Lina had brought a small army of refugees forward. When the divine wind had failed and Japan had largely been crushed and ransacked by the Chinese, another small army of women and children had been plucked forth by Deedlit and Pirotesse. When the darkness sent raiding parties into Russia, others brought a few survivors forward in time.  
  
So it was that nine mountains each had a single village. Each village had its own customs or language. Each also had something in common.  
  
A pledge, an obligation of honor, a prophesy to be fulfilled.  
  
------------  
  
RIFTS Earth: about 75 miles from New Phoenix  
  
As his wives/marionettes/companions, they had had little trouble going through Grey's things. That had produced a small amount of gold, among other things, and the group had quickly found and bought a vehicle capable of taking them to the location on their maps.  
  
They had changed as well, the mergers of their various aspects producing a different being than the ones who had arrived. Though they were not completely merged mentally or personally.  
  
Rei Hino was Rei Hino. She had gone through two lifetimes as a sometimes-psychic reincarnated girl of a vanished Moon Kingdom, and once as the Princess Mars *of* that kingdom. Melon had vanished for the most part, having had only a tiny amount of time aware in that incarnation. She had become wholly human, and therefore the most vulnerable of any of the travellers. Without a hensshin pen or other means of transformation, Princess Mars remained an unrealized possibility.  
  
Grape was Hotaru was Saturn, and while she preferred the name Hotaru, was a human seeming cyborg with the strength and speed and endurance of a Sabre Marionette. So she might *look* like a thin 13 year old girl, but she could lift the Mountaineer ATV they were riding in despite the size and mass of the vehicle. She could also use her vibro-halberd to slice and dice with great effect. Grape hadn't been awake that long, but her programmed personality and its directives (emphasizing her role as a Protector) were strong. Saturn was strong enough to manifest to some degree, evidenced by her clothing altering to her seifuku. The sound of Saturn arguing with Grape was frequently heard as the young girl's voice altered to fit whichever persona was speaking at the time.  
  
Apple had spent a small amount of time awake, but she had apparently come to an agreement with Makoto Kino and Sailor Jupiter. Somehow, and she wasn't sure how, the two others were dormant within her. Apple was still a marionette android, and was still Apple, and the other two would come out when they were ready. The merger had been "forestalled" as Apple would stay. The others would have liked to have learned how to do this.  
  
Blueberry aka Princess Mercury aka Ami Mizuno was asleep, had been groggy and ready to fall over when they'd gotten her to the ATV, and it was anyone's guess how she'd wake up.  
  
Honey had vanished two hours after they'd left the ruin and only Sif's presence had kept anyone from panicking. When Honey had rejoined the group, she'd added another aspect to her group. They currently weren't adding their own arguments to Grape's muttering as Rica (Ree) Fukami was driving the vehicle. Considering that there was no road and they were going around sixty miles an hour, the "Glitter Boy" pilot was left in the driver's seat in more than one sense.  
  
---------  
  
Jared got up off of the futon, slipping off the Synaptic Teacher. Sakyo had downloaded all of Lorelei's technical knowledge into a format which his superspy electronics had been busily translating into a format he could use, and he'd been looking for an opportunity to absorb it.  
  
It convinced him of several things. One was how enormously complicated a maiden circuit actually was (he rather suspected the reason most failed to work was a call to Yggdrasil's system for a living soul to inhabit an android body was something Lorelei didn't have the religious perspective to understand), and the other was a desperate and growing need to understand MORE of this technology. Dr. Lorelei, while smart, hadn't been the one to develop marionettes to the level they were now. Also if he was to be going that route (and having as many marionettes as he did it was only polite and proper manners to know how to maintain and fix them to a greater extent than he was presently able) but if he was going this route it became an item of concern to acquire most or all of Geltland's technical advancements before the dissolution of the country's central authority wiped them all away.   
  
He could think of a dozen uses for their plasma technology just offhand, and it would be handy in a dozen ways to have technology an electrical storm of whatever intensity wouldn't shut down. It became a mission priority to acquire them at first possible opportunity.  
  
He became aware of Soun sitting crosslegged next to his bed, flanked by his three daughters. "Well?" The old man paused to take a deep drag of his cigarette and then dramatically snort smoke out of his nostrils. "You've had your after dinner nap, I see. And you don't appear to be lightheaded or confused at the moment." The elder Tendo leaned forward and exhaled smoke next to Jared's face. "So which of my..."  
  
The old man blinked in surprise to find that he was talking to thin air, and Ranma was hanging out the window by his toes, gagging from the cigarette smoke. One of the feet released its hold to raise up a panda sign. [They don't smoke, do they? Because if they do the deal's off.]  
  
Soun looked down at the cigarette hanging out from his face. Kasumi shook her head slightly while Nabiki held out an ashtray. "Oh, father, father, father..." The Tendo patriarch shrank in on himself a trifle to hear his eldest daughter's slight rebuke.  
  
Jared pulled himself back in the window, sitting near the sill in an effort to stay clear of the lingering smoke. ~Once more into the breech.~ "Well..."   
  
"Hang on," Akane said. "Ranma's right 'Daddy' - that *is* an annoying, teeth staining, tumor causing, smelly, puking, habit of yours. i don't mind dying, but lung cancer's a pretty nasty way to go. So...  
Sylph's wings beat a gentle breeze,  
Cool and blow and lightly tease,  
Influence foul from the air cleanse,  
To help the health begin to mend."  
  
"Clerical Magic?!" If Jared had been flabbergasted by Akane being humble, repentant, and praising her sister's pluses over her own, this had thrown him into downright astonishment. White magic? Akane?!  
  
The others noted that Akane's hands had briefly glowed, then a cool breeze wafted through the house.  
  
Soun sniffed, and recognized the scent of pine needles and fresh tilled earth. It reminded him of his wife, and of their honeymoon.  
  
Kasumi closed her eyes as she noted the scent of lavender, and of fresh baked bread. The air seemed purer and more refreshing somehow, the scent of cigarettes banished without a trace.  
  
Nabiki stared at Akane, noting the cool wind that playfully tugged at her clothing and ruffled her hair, carrying the faint scent of sandalwood soap and the sound of children playing.  
  
All three native Tendos came out of the trance with a start. "AKANE?! WHAT?!"  
  
Akane shrugged. "Hey, i told you, didn't i? i'm going to become a nun and devote myself to helping the poor and repentant. In this way, i shall make up for the evil that i have done."  
  
Jared nodded. If AKANE were getting clerical spells, that might indicate a profound religious experience - now that she wasn't trying to kill herself to atone for it, she was following a more proper path for such things.  
  
Smiling, and wanting to do something in turn, the disguised redhead crossed over to Akane and tugged open the front of her gi, exposing her sports bra and the ugly wound caused by Kuno's blade and given minimal attention in the days since then. "I think I can do something about this." Ignoring that if she could cast 'Cooling Breeze' she could cast 'Cure Light Wounds', Jared laid his hand over the wound site.   
  
Jared had a chi technique that would do, but instead relied upon an ability gotten as a monk so as not to tax his recovery. Jared also ignored Akane's startled look going towards heavily annoyed. He closed his eyes and the hand glowed softly for a few moments. When he removed it the wound was gone, and he calmly turned his back and crossed back to the window while she again shut the front of her gi.  
  
Akane's efforts to straighten out her clothing were interrupted by both her sisters leaning over and yanking it open again, examining the smooth flesh of her ribs where the wound had been, and not even a scar remained.  
  
"Great," Akane muttered. "First Ranma, now my sisters. Are we gonna sell tickets for *this* now- come grope Akane before she can 'hie me to a nunnery'?"  
  
Kasumi was blinking madly. Her little sister had been lackadaisical at best about caring for her injury, and *wouldn't* go to Dr. Tofu about it as she'd asked. Now it was clean and unblemished flesh, a far cry from the festering condition she'd been concerned about. Kasumi began to look at Ranma and blinked prodigiously.  
  
Nabiki was recalling in all the gory detail how that blade had went into her sister's chest, and wasn't having any peace of mind running her hands over where that ugly wound had been. Neither her eyes nor her fingers were telling her that ghastly hurt was there anymore, and she couldn't believe it.  
  
Nabiki grew VERY quiet and still as her sister finally yanked her gi shut. A miracle, there was no other word for it. She had witnessed a miracle take place in her own house. Two if you count Akane's breeze. Nabiki drew a VERY deep breath and shuddered from her head down to the tips of her toes, drawing her knees up and hugging them as she glanced sidelong at her kid sister and potential husband.  
  
It was one thing to be held in low regard, another to be insulted. The evident sincerity of their low opinion hurt alot. But when both her sister and their house guest who'd been holding those low opinions start performing miracles, it was time to take a *serious* look at herself, and maybe consider that it was time to change.  
  
Soun had fallen over backwards when his soon to be future son in law had started undressing his little girl. He now sat up, having missed the point of the whole thing, and coughed into his hand. "Congratulations, my boy. So it's to be..."  
  
"NO!!!!!" Both Akane and Ranma shouted simultaneously.  
  
"I'm going to be a nun, dad." Akane reminded, pulling the ties on her gi even tighter.  
  
Ranma produced a certificate. "I'm a certified medical doctor, with credentials in surgery and related fields. No, I was in a strictly medical capacity when I did that, I assure you. You'll find her wound amply taken care of."  
  
Kasumi's eyes were attempting to use all of the landscape of her face. "You're a doctor?" She asked softly.  
  
"At sixteen?" Nabiki put in, more than a trifle stunned by this as well.   
  
~Slip up.~ Jared reminded himself.  
  
"Well, he's all the better for Kasumi, then." Akane put in gladly. "Just think, you want to go into medicine, don't you sis? This'll be perfect. You can borrow his medical reference library to study from and he can help you with your training!"  
  
"How did you get to be a doctor?" Kasumi asked, unconsciously moving toward him.  
  
He based his explanation as close to the truth as possible. "Um, well, you see caring for injuries is your basic, standard fare for adventurers, I mean wandering martial artists. A study of natural things was a hobby of mine, then there's a martial art that teaches atemi and shiatsu attacks, and by the time you've mastered it you're as familiar with nerves, blood flow and all that as any surgeon. From there it wasn't a big deal to pick up a license. You can skip most of the college courses by passing yourself off as a foreign doctor seeking to certify here, and just needing to brush up on a few things, which I did. I'm more into herbs than your prescription drugs, because herbs were more available and frankly have fewer side effects, but I'm competent at least in most things."  
  
Jared lowered his hand and touched a control on his waist, causing the concealed superspy toys to go into secret motion as he went on. "In fact, you can look me up, I'm certified in the local board. I even have a patent on a new surgical technique that's for dealing with restoring function to paralyzation victims." On impulse he went a little overboard. "There's a few international organizations reviewing my cures for diabetes and senility, too. I'll let you know how that goes."  
  
Jaws had dropped universally to the floor, and Soun was having visions of yen signs and a wealthy retirement rich beyond his previous imaginings dance around his head.  
  
Kasumi found herself fighting the urge to give a glomp, whatever that was.  
  
Nabiki was sorrowing that from now on he'd think she was after his money, and found herself *more* interested in proving that she was not and yet getting him anyway. The difficulty of doing this surrounded her.  
  
"So it's settled then." Akane beamed gladly. "He can support Kasumi. She's just the sort of person he needs and vice versa. They'll be perfect together, while I become a nun and visit the sick and afflicted, removing what suffering I can."  
  
"It sounds like a good plan. Good luck, Akane." Jared began, only to still himself as a dimensional tracer found its mark and he could suddenly *feel* himself pinpointed by an outside force. Whether it was friendly or an enemy, however... His hand began to rove near Mara's PokeBall.  
  
Soun noted that the decision was about to be put off again. "RRRRAANNNNMMMAAAA!" The Demon Head began to form.  
  
Jared gave him a level gaze, spreading his feet wide into an appropriate stance while his fingers strayed near his katana's hilt. "Mr. Tendo, if you use force to get your way I shall use force to resist you. I consider this fair warning. If you want my cooperation there are many tools with which to get it, these include persuasion, logic, reason, even kindness and love unfeigned. But force and intimidation tactics will be met in a like manner. That is only simple justice." He gave a grave and serious nod. "I thank you for your hospitality, but..."  
  
The youth blinked to find Soun wrapped around his waist, bawling his eyes out and begging him to stay.  
  
---------  
  
"Trace Completed!" Celeste shouted, joyous in being able to do this and clear up one of the dimensional messes going on. Also, the fact that Jared's Belldandy and Urd companions were hanging onto her seat's back in anxious concern was a motivation. *Nobody* would ever want to disappoint Belldandy in any way, no matter her guise, and the fact that Urd was now newly reinstalled as a goddess second class, limited, primary sphere Alchemy, had a little to do with it as well. Nobody likes to sip a drink and wake up the next day an entirely different race or gender. That Urd had retained her side hobby and was now Mistress of the Harem as her secondary sphere had a few unwed females scurrying for cover.  
  
"Knight Sabers! Go!!" Sylia Stingray informed her group, as the dimensional access port opened to a size able to admit them.  
  
"Laser Angels, To The Hunt!!"  
  
"Scout Planetary Teleport!"  
  
"Raywing!"  
  
"Lock & Load!"  
  
"Thundercats, Ho!"  
  
And a dozen other group phrases that led up to the largest collection of highly trained (in violence, not in medicine) nurses able to devastate planetary environs ever assembled going off to the target timeline to "rescue" Jay-chan.  
  
"First one to get his lips gets to cuddle him for the whole night!" Yuri challenged the rest as the two Lovely Angels skipped ahead of the rest.  
  
=====  
Toriohime (Bird Princess) is from an old series by the guy who did "Gegege No Kitaro" - "Akumakun". "Anpanman" is from the series of the same name. "Saint Tail" is another one of those "Magical Princess" shows aimed at very young girls.   
  
  
Next chapter, The Abduction of Jay-chan!  
Will the real Ranma stand up!  
And what do you with a drunken Ami?  
  
===========  
  
Third Labor, chapter 8  
  
The abduction of Jay-chan? Oh my, the naughty nurses!  
or... ersatz Senshi & the Red Rider  
  
DISCLAIMER: If not satisfied with this fanfic, contact your ISP provider for a full refund.  
  
---------  
  
Akane looked up towards the ceiling with a worried expression. "There's something... hang on."  
  
Everyone stared with various thoughts running through their heads as Akane pulled out a small cross on a chain and held it over the table.  
"Spirits of goodness and of light,  
Lend to me thy distant sight,  
A vision of the coming fight,  
So i know which course is right..."  
  
"And what was that supposed to... do... Akane?!" Nabiki had tried to rally that little cynical portion of her persona. As flickering patterns of light formed around the cross, that skeptical fragment dragged itself off to a corner of her mind and shot itself.  
  
Akane seemed to go into a trance. "A heavenly host currently searches for their brave hero. i see implements of torture readied. And they come seeking..."  
  
No one was surprised when Akane's gaze fixed on Ranma. "A kami disguised."  
  
Jared freaked, though not obviously to anyone watching. The nursing staff had apparently found him and were about to do all sorts of things to his poor injured body.   
  
"Kami... disguised?" Soun repeated disbelievingly.  
  
A little distressed that his stay had been cut short, Jared shrugged. He'd have to leave soon if this was any indication. "I'm afraid I've allowed your preconceptions to remain without disputing them. I'm what you would call a kami, here disguised by an 'ally' as Ranma so I'd have a chance to heal. The *real* Ranma should be here in one week's time."  
  
Light sparkled in the back yard, forming a line which began to part open.  
  
"I don't have much time. The allies that seek me, well, there's danger if they accompany me." (Danger to my health and well being. Good intentions are, alas, not enough.)  
  
"That's Staging Area Four, Asgard," Akane said in disbelief, seeing the shapes in the background of the throng. "That means..."  
  
Jared had gotten a few items from the Rival Relief Office during a brief visit. He'd mainly been intrigued. The RRO tended to be low-powered individuals who scavenged for resources on their missions to different universes. They brought a number of items back to be analyzed and used in future missions. Hoi Hoi Cappsules and Pokeballs were among those items that were absolutely safe for the user. Elemental bracers had proven to be less safe, and there were other items that likewise were either unsafe (but kept around in case someone could fix them) or just plain unresearched.   
  
Rather than take a chance with Mara again, Jared held up a device that looked like a cube of clear jello. The Galaxy Police Cube was an invocation of Clarke's Law: "any technology sufficiently advanced enough is indistinguishable from magic." The problem was that controlling the device was darn near impossible. Potentially, though, it was of extreme value to the Mage and why he had added it to his list of "things to research when I get a free decade" (a truly huge file). Theoretically, it had the ability to sort and manage "stuffspace" to such a degree that one could darn near hide a Galaxy class starship up one's sleeves with the device's help.  
  
Also instantly changing clothes and doing other impossible things without magic. VERY useful if, as now, one's magical resources had been cut off. One minor such feat was teleportation. Jared abruptly vanished.  
  
Nabiki squeaked when she saw HERSELF (twice!) in the Heavenly Throng materializing in their backyard.  
  
"Where is Jay-chan?!" A ponytailed girl floating in midair asked. "His ki is so low I can't read it!"  
  
"Scanning," said a girl with short blue hair, "I have a trace!"  
  
"TALLY HO!"  
  
"WAIT! WAIT! WAIT!" Akane started jumping up and down, waving her arms as the crowd flew over her head. "Take me! Please! I'm "  
  
**CLANG**  
  
Kasumi lowered the skillet, now knowing that Akane was trying to die for a reason. Something to do with the crowd of divine (?) beings flying over the house. Well, Akane would just have to wait. "Nabiki, can you give me a hand dragging Akane back into the house? Nabiki?"  
  
Nabiki was still staring out into the yard, though there was nothing there currently.  
  
"Father, can you..." Kasumi looked at the crumpled heap of her father and sighed. Grabbing Akane's legs, she dragged her little sister back into the house.  
  
*WHACK!*  
  
"Akk!" Akane woke up as her head bashed into the stone first step. "Huh?"  
  
*THUD!*  
  
"Hey!" Akane said weakly, feeling her head impact the second step.  
  
*CRACK!* Door tracks. "No not the... " *WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! WHAP!* "...stairs. Ittei!" *THUNK!*  
  
Kasumi finished putting Akane to bed, wondering where all these extra bumps and bruises had come from. Then got a sponge to clean her younger sister off before dressing her.  
  
----------  
  
RIFTS Earth:  
  
"Bringing up file," Rei said. She'd been inside Grey's mind, so of course she had an idea what password to use. They were a bit curious about their destination.  
  
[Timeline RF-NX 100101][Mission 12 Notes][Jabberworks] a hidden company set up by a group of adventurers who frankly had trouble finding anyone local who qualified as "the good guys" and so came up with their own company based on two major finds. One, the pandimensional entity known as the 'Jabberwok' - a non-evil alien intelligence so alien that they haven't found a means of communicating. The second, a military base in Alaska that had survived the coming of the Rifts but not the cutting off of supplies.  
The Jabberwok uses a form of 'quantum origami' - things near it tend to be folded along their probability lines. A laser cannon might be folded into an old machinegun or some other type of item, but it will always bear some resemblence to whatever it originally was. Was not capable of getting close enough to use a Universal Translator.  
The military base was mainly a listening station. Nothing fancy from the few reports, though that may be just commonsense "nothing here worth looking for" and as the mission didn't go up there, also nothing confirmed.  
Jabberworks is mainly concerned with trade, using large hover platforms or cargolifters to reach small communities. They supply a number of one-of-a-kind items, which helps to field test those items and determine if they are suitable for reproducing and manufacturing.  
This is their publically known emphasis. They have ties to the Colorado Baronies, including a trading post in Hope. It became obvious during the completion of the mission that the organization lacks the raw power necessary to fight the Coalition, the Federation of Magic, or any of the Big Bads in a straight up. But their longterm goals are pretty much diametrically opposed to said bad guys.  
Further data unavailable. i request investigation as soon as possible. If initial impressions bear out, these are definitely candidates for whatever Divine Intervention can be given them.  
ADDENDUM: Additional presence/base in the old town of Quartzite near what used to be the California/Arizona border in that area.  
  
"So what do you make of it?" Apple requested of her colleagues.  
  
Ree Fukami didn't look up from where she was driving. "I've lined with Jabberworks. Guard dog positions and convoy stuff. Bought stuff from 'em too. Heck, they've gotten me spare parts for my Glitter Boy. Mainly, they're operators and engineers, or like the report says - traders. Ya watch out for 'em on lotsa stuff- the trade items are usually a lotta crap or marked up hefty. Damn good fixers though, and usually they don't charge that much compared to some of the mech-heads out there. They put out a lot of basic type vehicles. ATVs, some cycles, also camping equipment and other basic supplies. They's considered small potatoes, indeps, not important enough to warrant the Dead Boys goin' outta their way for a stomping."  
  
Apple blinked as she processed that. Rei tried to work out the strange dialect.  
  
Ree's voice altered to the flatter tones of Honey. "She means that by maintaining a low profile, the Coalition and other potential hostiles view them as not being worth the value of the bullets required to kill them."  
  
"So we're heading to Quartzite because..." Rei let her voice trail off.  
  
Apple answered. "Because Grey's native self is there. Do we have any data other than Fleece's reference?"  
  
"Yup," answered Ree, back to the odd twang she had when it wasn't Honey or Minako speaking. "Look for a True Atlantean Techno-Wizard who goes by the name Rimshot. Met him a couple of times. Runs around with a Utility Belt and handful of gadgets. We made a pretty good team as caravan guards. I'd blast the big targets, he'd use his Porta-Wall or some other gadget to give my powerarmor some advantage."  
  
"What's a Techno-Wizard anyway? I find no record in my memories." Apple asked of Ree, since she seemed to have most of the answers.  
  
"A type of wizard who incorporates spells into gadgets," Ree said, driving around a few boulders and a fleeing cactus. She hadn't known there were cactuar in the area. Too bad they were in a hurry. The animal/plant critters were about half the size of a cactus people and threw dozens of sharp needles in a fight. But you could gather those needles up and use them for a variety of purposes. Put a few hundred together in a boom gun casing and it made a nice anti-vampire round. "Rimshot's got a gun enchanted to throw lightning bolts and fireballs, though I hear he mainly uses a Wilk's 457 pulse laser nowadays. Goblin bombs, oh, and his armor's got stealth and escape enchantments. Last I heard, Rimshot was working on a way to put a TW enhancement on a normal tech weapon like a Boom Gun. Think mainly he came up with the idea after his helmet got damaged in that last run and his hearing got a bit battered from being too close to a shot."  
  
"Too close?" Rei wasn't sure what that meant but it didn't sound good.  
  
"That powerarmor back there's called a 'Glitter Boy' and it was passed down to me from my Uncle. Been in my family three generations, at least! That big gun is the 'Boom Gun' and it gets that name from causing a sonic boom when it's fired. Does a *lot* of damage. Heck, one good hit'll cripple most anything the Coalition put out. *If* you can hit 'em, that is."  
  
"So when do we get to Quartzite?" Apple was anxious to meet this local version of her Master.  
  
"About three more hours. There's lotsa holes and washes and mountains we gotta go around. Ya don't wanna go near the old freeway. Sure mainly it's a flat ribbon, even got bits of the old road surface, but there's a dragon out near the White Tank mountains and some real unfriendly types if you go up towards Wormrot. So ya gotta go between. We can stop at a small settlement called Nameless in between, stretch our legs and get some java. Or oil if that's you're preference."  
  
-----------  
  
The vehicle was nothing special as it pulled into Quartzite. ATVs of various types, only marginally different from each other, had been around for over twenty years. They weren't fancy to begin with: just a minor vehicle tough enough to withstand a few shots of laser fire and an electric or gasoline engine.  
  
ATV pickup trucks were *very* common in the New West for a simple reason. They were tough, dependable, and very utilitarian. It didn't matter if the owner worked on a ranch, worked construction, was a merc, or a blacksmith, or a vet. A basic cabin with a cargo area at a low price appealed to the masses who didn't have the money or inclination for fancy.  
  
Jabberworks had four basic models and a number of attachments and upgrades that the buyer could get installed or install themselves later.   
  
That this one was painted in a camouflage pattern of muted browns and greys was also pretty typical. A few ranchers and the like used bright colors, but there were a lot of things out in the desert whose attention you were better off avoiding.  
  
A small dragon wearily lifted his head, sniffed the air, then snorted and went back to his afternoon siesta.  
  
A thin middle-aged man got out of the truck after stopping in front of the general store. "Suzi, you stay here and keep an eye on the truck."  
  
"Nope," Suzi disagreed, getting out herself. "After roughing it for the past three days? I'm going to get some soap and some hot water and clean up."  
  
The man shook his head as if he knew arguing would be futile. "Fine. I'll see if there's any signs or portents while you do."  
  
"Do that." The woman shifted her long hair about and turned an eye towards the horizon. "I'll tell you right now that they'll be here in a few hours. Not before. And there's something... oddly familiar about them."  
  
Not for the first time, Rimshot found himself wishing he had some clairvoyant talents like Suzi did. "Okay. Then we'll meet them in a few hours, I guess."  
  
"You won't need the rifle," Suzi said, concerning herself with more important things. Like removing the layer of dust that had accumulated on her.  
  
------------  
  
Akane groaned and stirred herself. Her head hurt. Sitting up, she noticed that she was in her bedroom, that there was an odd scent in the air and that she was wearing...  
  
Akane kept from screaming but it was a very near thing. Transparent, pink, soft, silky. Very very feminine. And little pink lace panties. Akane didn't RIP the clothing off, but it was also a very near thing. And then stood staring at the garments as if they would get up and attack her.  
  
Sniffing, she also determined that the odd scent was a perfume or something similar and it was coming off of HER. Someone had given her a sponge bath, brushed her hair, and...  
  
Akane was about to become ill. Someone had played dress up with her while she was unconscious. Maybe she should sneak off and go join that nunnery NOW. Soun Tendo said that she was still too young to do this without parental consent, but did she really want to believe anyone who had trained under Happosai? All this needed to be truly something out of a nightmare was for Kuno or someone to show up.  
  
There was a polite knock an instant before Kasumi stuck her head in. "Akane! Breakfast is ready!"  
  
Akane winced, and not just from the still present headache. If she'd been out of it that long then "Ranma" (whoever he'd been really) would have already left *with* all those girls.   
  
Kasumi watched her sister for a moment. "Oh, and Akane, I've made an appointment for you to see a doctor today. You haven't been looking well at all of late."  
  
"Gee, i wonder why..." Akane mumbled.  
  
Kasumi paused for a moment before adding. "Oh, and you might want to put some clothes on."  
  
The physically youngest Tendo spent a moment glaring at the door before giving a long sigh. She'd just have to put on the gi or those slacks and she'd be able to face them.  
  
Akane went to the closet and frowned. "What the?!" No gi, no pants, no t-shirts or anything of the sort. The only thing that had anything approaching pants was a pink jumper (she thought that was what it was called) that would eventually be given to Ranma in the series.  
  
It still felt *wrong* to be wearing feminine clothing. Yes, that especially included underwear. Grey had been female on four or five occasions (shudder) and had not once felt comfortable doing it. Ranko and Banana had been special exceptions, as it hadn't really been him - more like an analogue - a seperate aspect of the same soul.  
  
Serious creep factor in several respects to find that your "elder sister" had taken an active role in taking care of you. And had been rearranging your room. The frilly sheets, stuffed animals, and... what in the worlds was Kasumi thinking?!  
  
Another knock on the door, and Nabiki opened it this time. "C'mon, Akane, you can't sit up here all day. Dear me, aren't you ever going to get dressed?"  
  
"But i..." Akane pointed at the clothing on the rack. "Where's my gi?"  
  
Nabiki sighed, went to the dresser, pulled out a bra and panty, then rummaged around in the closet. "HERE! Just get dressed young lady."  
  
"W-w-what?!" Akane stared at the clothing. THAT wasn't something that she thought she could wear. *Especially* in public.  
  
"You haven't taken any religious vows yet," Nabiki gently chided, inwardly smirking at the vengeance she was getting on her younger sister. Then thought about seeing herself in that Heavenly Host and lost enthusiasm for getting even. "Look, Akane, Kasumi's been talking to Dr Tofu and a few other people about how you were acting and she came up with this as a measure. You'll go see the doctor later and that'll be your chance to get this little agenda thrown out."  
  
"Why did she..." Akane's eyes fell on the stuffed panda and she repressed another shudder.  
  
"She got the idea that the whole thing with school and everything was that you were forced into a dominantly masculine role," Nabiki said, watching as her little sister put the panties on backwards then corrected herself. Privately she thought Kasumi *might* have something here after all. "Anyway, so she's got this idea that your feminine inner nature being suppressed by this forced masculine outer nature is causing your current problems."  
  
Akane muttered under her breath about not having any feminine inner nature.  
  
Nabiki raised an eyebrow but otherwise gave no indication she'd heard. "So, Kasumi and Daddy came up with this idea of reinforcing basic feminine behavior. You ought to wear that more often, it looks good on you."  
  
"No defensive value, thin fabric, barely covers anything..." Akane mumbled. A yellow dress of some thin material whose skirt barely covered mid-thigh.  
  
"C'mon, sis..." Nabiki stopped. Her sister's face had always conveyed what she was feeling quite well. It passed through disgust and embarrasment to just plain "someone please kill me." Nabiki cleared her throat. "Well, Akane, let's go. If nothing else just think of how this'll..."  
  
"Nabiki," interrupted Akane, "if you say anything at all involving boys finding this sort of thing attractive, i will be violently ill. All over you."  
  
Nabiki shut her mouth with an audible click. "Oh well, so much for that."  
  
Akane's head came up and she glanced at the calender. March 3rd. She had a couple of letters to write.  
  
Downstairs, Soun frowned and glanced at his oldest daughter. "Are you sure about this Kasumi? Akane is the heir to the Tendo school, and in that fight her skills were..."  
  
Kasumi nodded. "I'm sure, Father. I don't really know about this agreement with Saotome-san. But I'm sure if Akane meets a nice boy, and has love and children in her life, she'll have enough to live for that she'll forget all about these suicide attempts."  
  
Soun nodded. He still had two other daughters that could fulfill the union. And neither Kasumi nor Nabiki had been quite so negative after that disguised kami. "So what do you expect Doctor Tofu to be able to do?"  
  
"Check for a head injury, maybe something else. Possibly he can come up with a better specialist in these sort of problems." Kasumi looked up as Nabiki came down.  
  
"Problem, sis," Nabiki continued to frown in thought. "This is stressing little sister out more than it was."  
  
"We'll see what Doctor Tofu can do..." Kasumi's voice trailed off as a sulking Akane came down the stairs. Apparently she had *not* brushed her hair or anything. Still no makeup. Kasumi decided she'd have to do something about that. Yes, Akane did need to find a nice boy and settle down. Love could heal all wounds, and having children would certainly settle any doubts Akane might be having about her own femininity.  
  
Kasumi continued to plan. If Akane had been able to read minds, she'd have been halfway to China at this point.  
  
As it was, Akane was just planning on raiding Nabiki's closet. Turnabout was fair play, after all.  
  
----------  
  
Meanwhile, a mage named Jared was discovering one of the Laws Of Anime Universes.  
  
Which was: you can run, you can hide, but these are only temporary solutions.  
  
If someone is looking for you, and you don't want them to find you, they will.  
  
Jared, realizing he was cornered, pulled the PokeBall containing Mara from his pocket. "Mara. I need an escape route."  
  
The demoness smiled. "But, of course, darling."  
  
----------  
  
Elsewhere:  
  
Ginseng, the third of a series of marionettes built using human engrams, groaned and got up.  
*Diagnostic. All systems functioning within designated parameters.*  
  
Gennai and the others watched the PokeWoman get up off the table and examine herself.   
  
"i take it that you were able to recover enough of me that you were able to rebuild me?" Ginseng finished inspecting herself. "And that a male style body housing was unavailable."  
  
Gennai cleared his throat. "Something like that."  
  
Ginseng nodded. "A female configuration. Well, it doesn't matter too much i suppose. At least as a female-seeming android i avoid some of the..."  
  
Gennai and the others followed Ginseng's stare to a monitor, then back. After a few minutes, they began to grow uncomfortable.  
  
Finally Doctor Lorelei broke the silence. "Is something wrong, Ginseng?"  
  
"Who came up with this overall shape?" There was a spark of emotion in Ginseng's voice. Not a good one either.   
  
"It was... one we had that was a spare with enough processor capacity for..." Lorelei broke off at the glare from Ginseng.  
  
Ginseng clenched her fists and trembled briefly with her eyes closed and a snarl on her face. When she finally opened her eyes again, she seemed a little more composed. Slightly. Gennai didn't feel the need to trigger a laser cage at least.  
  
"i suppose you couldn't have known. It's just... do you mind if i use the processing facilities? i don't want to spend one more moment looking like HER than i can avoid it."  
  
"Uhm..." Lorelei looked around and others silently agreed that this sounded bad. There was obviously something horribly wrong with Ginseng's new body that wasn't apparent to anyone besides Ginseng. "There's a problem with that..."  
  
Birds were startled into flight over Castle Japonesse by a shrieked "WHAT?!?!"  
  
---------  
  
Doctor Tofu closed the door behind him and spoke to Nabiki. Kasumi had lost a great deal of respect for Doctor Tofu when she'd brought Akane into the office. The good doctor had been okay while examining her little sister, and had then called Kasumi into the room to consult with her about his findings.  
  
Akane had screeched and yelped and had fled through the window. Without opening it. And had then apparently spent considerable time untangling her limbs and trying to pop joints back into place. Nabiki had found Akane in Nabiki's closet, replacing the clothes she'd left behind.  
  
It had taken a few moments for Doctor Tofu to even notice that his patient had fled.  
  
Yes, Kasumi had lost a *lot* of respect for Doctor Tofu.  
  
"So what is it, Doctor? Why is Akane acting like this?" Nabiki crossed her arms and considered him briefly.  
  
"I've never seen a woman's chi so far out of alignment. It's a *very* male pattern. It's also much stronger than I would have thought possible for Akane. What has been going on that she's changed so much? Oh... YOUR pattern has changed too, Nabiki. You seem more thoughtful, but underneath you're seething as if you are confused about something." Tofu straightened his glasses.  
  
Nabiki frowned and began telling Tofu about what she had observed. Kuno's challenge, Akane's stress, the horde of hentai boys, a particularly bad day where Akane had taken some decongestants (a pepper bomb from the school's Chem Club had aggravated allergies) and gone to sit in the furo. SOMETHING had happened, and Akane had been trying to kill herself until Kasumi caused her to promise that she wouldn't. Then she briefly went around trying to get someone ELSE to kill her. Kasumi had put a stop to that too, requiring Akane's promise in return for letting Akane out of a makeover session planned for late afternoon. Kasumi had merely rescheduled it, but no one was going to mention that to Akane at the moment.  
  
Doctor Tofu nodded. "Did you notice that Akane was using the masculine forms when speaking?"  
  
Nabiki nodded. She'd noticed that. AND would occasionally break out in the Osaka dialect. And the way she sat, walked, and ran were all masculine.  
  
"It looks as though the trauma experienced at school was sufficient to cause her to 'shift' in personality. She was always a tomboy, and she was mistaken for a boy on occasion when she was growing up, so maybe she decided that the remembered male identity was a 'safe haven' from her current problems." Tofu straightened his glasses again. "She's also uncomfortable with her femininity. Any questions impinging on that, or when I examined the shiatsu points around her thighs or breasts, made her extremely uncomfortable. Even more so than the last time she came in for an exam."  
  
"Yeah, but that was almost a year ago," Nabiki pointed out but nodded. This was pretty much what she and Kasumi had come up with. "So what can we do?"  
  
"Reinforce her feminine self image whenever possible. Let her know that she's loved." Tofu thought for a few moments, then began writing on a piece of paper. "It's possible that Akane will come out of this on her own, but... There's a couple of doctors to try. One's a physician, the other a psychologist. If there's an organic cause I couldn't find, the physician should be able to determine it. The psychologist is in case there is no physical cause."  
  
Nabiki nodded and took the paper. It would dent the family's finances, but things couldn't continue as they were. "Thank you Doctor. This will do."  
  
Elsewhere, Akane had tried once again to call the office. Once again, none of the numbers that Grey knew worked.  
  
---------  
  
Quartzite: RIFTS Earth  
  
Rei looked up at the remote feed monitor. "What's Setsuna doing here?"  
  
Ree frowned, pulling the ATV to a stop. "That's not yer Setsuna. That's the local equivelant, just as I'm the local of yer Minako."  
  
"You sure? Setsuna has some odd habit of showing up unexpectedly." Rei remembered that, it had been most annoying.  
  
"How often did your version show up wearing Urban Warrior body armor and carrying a staff that's *gotta* be magic?"  
  
"What makes you think it's magic?" Rei glanced between the monitor and Ree.  
  
"Is the Pope Jewish? Of course, it's magic! Rimshot would have given it a basic TW enchantment if he's hanging around with her..." Ree frowned, not entirely sure where the sudden bite of jealousy came from.  
  
Blueberry/Ami/Mercury mumbled something in her (their?) sleep from the back seat.  
  
"Uhm... THAT's Master? He's... older." Hotaru frowned. Mamoru Tengoku had been in his teens. Rimshot was in his 40s or so.  
  
"Oh dear." Apple increased the resolution and saw that this was so.  
  
A few hundred yards away, two people watched the ATV and wondered why it had stopped, and what the occupants were doing.  
  
--------  
  
"Nabiki-CHAN!"  
  
Nabiki winced as Akane leapt over a wall, landing gracefully beside her. Akane was wearing the red and white hakima that indicated she was in "shrine priestess" mode. "Uhm, what is it, Akane?"  
  
"Nabiki, i'm *so* proud of you!" Akane beamed at her sister. "You've cut back on the blackmail, the larceny, the shameless taking advantage of any opportunity for a profit! BLESS YOU!"  
  
~I have?!~ Nabiki blinked with a squeegee noise, finding herself the recipient of a sudden affectionate hug. ~When did I do that?!~  
  
"Sis, i've spent so much time worrying about you, wondering if you'd ever purge the darkness corrupting your soul. Your heart had gotten so cold..."  
  
Nabiki stared at Akane when her little sister broke away and wiped *tears* off her face. "Uhm... Akane... I..."  
  
Akane smiled joyfully at Nabiki, tears still brimming from her eyes. ~Dang it, emotional control is so difficult for this body. Is it because this is a *normal* (relatively) human girl?~ "Nabiki, i've been worried about you for so long. Don't give up! You can do it!"  
  
"Errrr..." Nabiki found herself blushing but a thought penetrated her confusion. She hadn't seen Akane this upbeat about anything in... quite some time. ~I haven't changed. Have I?~  
  
"Sis, I want you to have this," Akane reached into one of her sleeves and withdrew a bag.  
  
Nabiki took it, puzzled, opened it, and STARED. "Akane, where did you get this?! There must be a couple of thousand yen in here!"  
  
"Spoils of war," said Akane with a bittersweet smile. "There's 15000 yen, a Rolex, three switchblades, two diamond rings, and a Nomo autographed baseball. i figured you'd be able to get a better deal than me for them. If you want, i can show you tonight, but you *have* to promise me not to tell 'Daddy' - he'd freak just on general principles."  
  
"Sure, Akane," said Nabiki, crossing her fingers behind her back. ~If Akane's stealing stuff, this has to be stopped NOW!~  
  
---------  
  
Nabiki had been a little concerned when her little sister had knocked on her window at 7pm.   
  
She had become a little *more* concerned when said little sister had turned out to be wearing an outfit that was... well.  
  
Akane had started out with a blue one-piece swimsuit, and had added a red skirt and red hi-top tennis shoes. Also red gloves with a layer of padding over the knuckles. A red pair of shoulder pads, red mask, and red ribbon in her hair completed Akane's new look.  
  
Nabiki was speechless, as one might well imagine, by this sight. Akane simply grabbed Nabiki, put a gold harlequin mask in her hands, and started leaping from rooftop to rooftop at a rate of speed that made Nabiki wish she'd grabbed a Dramamine.  
  
Nabiki had quite lost track of where they were when Akane abruptly slowed and the surroundings became less of a blur. "Akane what are..." Nabiki found a hand covering her mouth as she was set onto her feet once again.  
  
"Shhhh," cautioned Akane and pointed below them.  
  
Nabiki kept quiet and casually looked over the edge of the roof, feeling a bit queasy when she noticed how far below the ground was.  
  
There was a group of local thugs, shaking down some girl who'd obviously gotten lost. Nabiki frowned, then turned to Akane to ask what exactly was going on. Nabiki blinked and felt goosebumps form as she realized that her crazy little sister was muttering under her breath and tracing glowing lines in the air.  
  
Akane finished whatever she was doing, smiled at her sister, then stepped off the edge of the roof.  
  
Nabiki looked down to see if what she feared was happening.  
  
The thug adjusted his shades (despite that it was early evening) and stepped forward. "Aw c'mon little girl, don't you want to party with us?"  
  
"I'll give you my money, just let me go!" The girl backed up slightly, looking thoroughly out of place.  
  
The thug smiled and shrugged. "Well, you'll give us the money, FOR STARTS..."  
  
*BOOM*  
  
Something landed in the alleyway, proving to be a girl in a very silly costume.  
  
"Where bandits threaten, i'm there to take 'em down. When evil wakens, my duty is to fight to it! Presenting the high school babe! Sabre Mars! In the name of Justice, i'll punish you!" Akane posed in sentai fashion.  
  
"huh?!" Not only the thugs were sweatdropping, their victim was a bit embarassed by all this too.  
  
The first thug started walking towards the newcomer, flipping a knife open in his hand. "Look, little girl, if you want to play dress-up..."  
  
"HURRICANE KICK!" *WHACKUM!* Akane's kick managed to imbed the thug in the wall. Of the second floor. He hung there for a moment before landing in a dumpster.  
  
"She-she... She flattened Jigo!"  
  
"LET'S GET HER!"  
  
Akane seemed to become a red and black blur. "A-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-TA! Wah-TAH!"   
  
"Hah! Didn't even hurt!"  
  
"Secret Amazon Technique: Poisoned chestnuts!" Akane held up a long needle which had been concealed in her hand.  
  
"Huh?!" *THUD* *THUD* *THUD* *THUD* *THUD* *THUD*  
  
"Who? What?" The victim was staring around at a lot of snoozing thugs.  
  
"Sorry ma'am. It's just me and my sidekick, Mercenary Girl," Akane jerked a thumb towards the roof, "making the streets safe for decent folk."  
  
The girl blinked a couple of times, then fainted.  
  
"Chikusho!" Akane looked at the crumpled heap. "They keep doing that. Oh well."  
  
In the manner of experienced RPGers everywhere, Akane quickly stripped the bandits of everything valuable, carried the victim to a safe haven, and returned to the rooftop.  
  
Nabiki's expression was unreadable as 'Sabre Mars' rejoined her. "Is this how you got that money?"  
  
"Yes," Akane posed. "Criminals don't deserve to profit from their evil!"  
  
*SLAP!*  
  
Akane looked startled.  
  
Nabiki's eyes watered, both from her hand getting hurt and from reaction. "You... STUPID!"  
  
"What? What's wrong, Nabiki?" Akane was puzzled by this, having expected Nabiki to be wildly enthusiastic about this.  
  
"How could you?" Nabiki bit off saying something and tried again. "Don't you know how dangerous this is? What if they had a gun? What if you were hurt? What if..."  
  
Akane blinked, finding her arms full of crying Nabiki and completely unsure of how to handle this. She settled for just holding her "sister" and murmurring encouraging sounds, getting Nabiki to sit down after a minutes.  
  
Eventually Nabiki got control of herself. Akane offered her a bandana which Nabiki blew her nose with. Akane politely indicated that Nabiki should hold on to it for now.  
  
"...Akane..." Nabiki continued to hold onto her sister. "We don't need the money *that* badly. Please don't go..."  
  
Akane sighed and patted her sister on the back, and reflected that it was a good thing that she was her sister and not a guy in this situation. "Nabiki, we cannot always choose how we live or how we die. We are part of a society as a whole and to some extent the currents of that ocean of humanity force us into roles we don't choose. You *can* fight the current and try to go in a different direction - though it's harder to fight the current and some do try and fail."  
  
"...but I don't want to lose my sister..." Nabiki sniffled.  
  
Ignoring that her own hair was toinging and that she wanted to know WHY Nabiki had changed so much from the "profit uber alles" girl she HAD been, Akane continued to pat Nabiki's back. "Nabiki. i can't promise that i'll always be there for you. But i'm here for you now. Will you be here for me?"  
  
Nabiki nodded and wiped tears even as she reached for the bag. If her sister was going to do something so foolish and irresponsible, at least SHE could make sure the money wasn't wasted. THEN she'd do her best to talk little sister out of this insane hobby!  
  
Mercenary Girl stared at the loot. Well, maybe a hiatus at least.  
  
---------  
  
RIFTS Earth:  
  
The image of Fleece clicked and faded in and out like a cheap hologram.  
  
Appropriate as that was what it was.  
  
Apple asked the same question again, hoping for a better answer. "So why didn't he merge with Rimshot here?"  
  
"I don't know," repeated Fleece. "Right now there's a lot of system problems that the techies are sorting through. It looks as though his aspects are fragmenting and he's been merged with a non-Analogue aspect. Other than that we can't tell the why or where." Fleece smirked. "There's plenty of bets and speculation for now."  
  
"Can we go there?" Grape shifted her vibrohalberd around. How could she protect him if he was in a different universe?  
  
Fleece shook her head. "Nah, transport's screwed up. Divines are OK, we've got our primary methods. While the databases and links are being rebuilt, everything else is subject to crossrips and bounces."  
  
"Like it hasn't always been," grumbled Rei.  
  
"Hmmmph. Before you ask, I can't do it either," Rimshot informed them. "Transdimensional spells are tricky and not something Techno-Wizards usually work with. However, Suzi here had an idea."  
  
The native version of Setsuna nodded. "I come from a place far from here known as Psyscape. If we were to go there, we could utilize their resources and perhaps get to where your version of Rimshot is."  
  
"Or you could simply wait. In a few days things should be stabilized enough that you can be relocated," Fleece pointed out. "In any case, I'll contact you again if anything comes up!"  
  
Rimshot frowned. He wasn't sure about this gestalt thing. "We may have a problem with getting to Psyscape. With the Coalition's war with Tolkeen, going anywhere near the Federation of Magic is going to be tres difficult."  
  
Ree tapped the table with a nail, thinking for a few more moments. "There's another possibility."  
  
---------  
  
Akumakun/Ranma timeline:  
  
The Big Day had arrived.  
  
True to the kami's word, they had received a postcard from Genma stating that he would be in town with Ranma on a certain day. That the mail had delayed this delivery until the time they were supposed to be there was no surprise to anyone, given the delays in the typical mail system.  
  
Tendo,  
Arriving in Nerima. Bringing Ranma.  
Saotome.  
  
Kasumi was staring sorrowfully at the little white notebook she held in her hand while the kitchen burbled and bubbled with the sound of a meal being prepared. To her, the list on the lined page had grown distressingly long. ~Let's see, by now I've promised to join her if she kills herself, shave my hair if she does...~ That last was worth a whimper, because she was worried that her sister might press it and she didn't like that thought at all! ~And go on a Lady Godiva ride in protest if Akane didn't dress properly and wear feminine clothes.~  
  
Kasumi's mind tried to freeze shut on that last thought. She hadn't known what else to *do*, Akane was being so obstinate! She honestly didn't believe that she'd go through with it, but the threat had to appear real. It was Kasumi's distress over this, though she didn't know it, that had actually convinced Akane to take it somewhat seriously.  
  
Lying didn't come naturally to Kasumi. It was worth some distress.  
  
Kasumi had threatened a hunger strike until Akane had agreed not to deliberately set things up so that someone else would kill her. Kasumi had also promised that she wouldn't require Akane to eat sashimi in return for Akane seeing that nice doctor. The appointment had gone smoothly, blood tests had been taken, the doctor had asked a lot of questions, and tomorrow she and Akane would go back to the doctor. THEN she could find out if the Doctor's plans for treatment would work. Though how to get Akane to take the pills, Kasumi wanted to shrink in horror at what she might have to threaten to get Akane to keep with the treatment.  
  
Her father poked his head in the kitchen. "Kasumi, it's time?"  
  
The eldest daughter looked up from her meditations. "Oh? I'll have to turn the heat down, I suppose. Do you know if I'll have time to change?"  
  
Soun nodded, disappearing.  
  
Kasumi sucked in her lower lip. If she just rushed she could get this meal ready and then leave it on to warm, then rush up for a quick change to something formal!  
  
Nabiki was closeted in her room, facing a big problem.  
  
The big problem was her hobby, her pet project, something she'd spent years in steadily building. A reputation as a cold ice queen does not come without sacrifices, and the image of someone to fear and tremble before (so that people are prompt in paying their money) was carefully cultivated and very fragile. Her business was at stake.  
  
But somehow she couldn't even *imagine* one of her Heavenly Selves doing this.  
  
It was a fairly simple case: She had a student by the balls. He owed her money, and was plainly and simply delinquent. It was a simple case of tell his girlfriend what he didn't want her to know, wait for the pain of that to set in, and then threaten the next stage if he didn't pay up.   
Open and shut, something she'd done often enough to *gain* the Ice Queen iron mercenary reputation and by not doing she'd begin to lose both, get the image of being a softy. From there it was straight out of business for her.  
  
The thought of being called an iron mercenary twisted her guts after the things her younger sister and that kami had said and believed of her, but it was true. You either had that rep or you didn't get on in this line of work. It merely stank that people close to her, that she actually *cared* about, had believed it. Especially to THAT extent.  
  
To Nabiki it had always been something of a mask, something she put on or took off as she pleased. A game where she was in complete control of all the players.  
  
Having that mask *taken* for her was still worth the shudders.  
  
Then there was her sister's active nightstyle. Nabiki had reasoned and begged and pleaded, and Akane had agreed to shelve 'Sabre Mars' for awhile. Not permanently.   
  
There were other possibilities that Akane was trying to feel Nabiki out on. Akane had explained that she would *not* charge for her miracles. If Nabiki were to arrange something that helped pay the bills, that would be Nabiki's assistance. Or, Nabiki winced, as Sabre Mars' sidekick Mercenary Girl (the name would *have* to be changed) they could make quite a bit of money, but at a higher danger level.  
  
Nabiki continued to stew and ponder, her thoughts continuing in a loop.  
  
Soun knocked and poked his head in the room. "Nabiki, this is the day Ranma is to arrive."  
  
His middle daughter looked up from her work, brushing a strand of hair out from her eyes. "Alright daddy. I'll be ready. Have you told Akane yet?"  
  
Soun winced. "I was, uh... waiting. Until, you know..."  
  
Nabiki closed her eyes in exaggerated tolerance. "Daddy, you *know* it won't get any better for waiting. If you tell her now we'll have all that much extra time to fix whatever mess she causes over it before they get here."  
  
The head of the Tendo family bowed his head and murmured something in agreement, then began to drag his steps over to the dojo, where the shearing screech of a chainsaw was clearly audible amid the tortured wails of its target.  
  
Opening the dojo door revealed the source of Soun's pain. Akane brushed a strand of one of her bangs back out of her eyes behind her ear, adjusted the powertool, and with it bit into the wood. Soon she had another limb cut from the trunk in her improvised lumber mill and cut back the power on the saw, removing her safety goggles to wipe sweat from her face as Soun cried in the background. Then the youngest took her stack of rough cut logs under one arm and went and carried them over to her workbench where the other saws would transform them into planks and boards.  
  
The head of the Tendo household continued to cry.  
  
Dumping her load of lumber into a bin, the youngest turned to face her 'daddy', pulling off her ear protection and dabbing at her face with a cloth - lacy and pink against all her objections as to the impracticality of that style. Unfortunately her red bandanas had vanished in the wash.  
  
Soun was taking in his daughter's garb. She had agreed to feminine. However, Akane had never agreed to *Japanese* feminine! Kasumi had drawn the line at pants, but hadn't been willing to perform the Ultimate Protest just because his youngest was dressed as a Western Cowgirl. The   
knee-length denim skirt was just long enough to cover the tops of her boots, a rope was coiled up at her hip, cotton blouse and cowboy hat were just jarring enough before one noticed the Indian-style medicine pouch at her other side - containing the items she commonly used in clerical spellcasting.  
  
Cocking one booted foot up against a rough-hewn log, Akane chirped up. "Howdy! So what's up in these here parts that y'all wandered by?"  
  
The Japanese were very strictly bound up in tradition. But *THEIR* tradition was all of what mattered. Anything else stuck out and deserved ridicule, scorn or avoidance. Akane had bet counting on the avoidance, and so far she was 100% right. The local school boys avoided her like the plague. She didn't realize how much of that was guilt and horror.  
  
Soun wept over the injustice of it all.  
  
His youngest daughter wandered, no, it must be said that she *moseyed* on out of her own personal wood and leather working shop (formerly the Tendo dojo) and went to saddle up her horse.  
  
"Wait." Soun choked out, barely audible out of his tightened throat.  
  
Chewing on the end of a straw, Akane pushed her Stetson back and gave him the once over with her eyes. "Well, whaddya want, paw?"  
  
"I would appreciate it if you..." Soun took a deep breath, not looking at her as he desperately tried to pretend that everything going on here was normal. "I would appreciate it if you wouldn't go tend the herd today. Our family has important business to discuss."  
  
Soun Tendo's flesh creeped up and down along his spine as once again the question surfaced of how his youngest had been able to get a job as a cowhand so quickly, and this in spite of their proximity to downtown Tokyo.  
  
Akane knew better. This was Nerima. All she'd had to do was look for Martial Art Ranching and then found the appropriate teacher one block over the next day, complete with pasture, herd and range. The amount of yodeling one could get to do in those southwestern style canyons was   
impressive, too. Of course, after another week of this she expected strange challengers to show up trying to burn her farm or drive her off of the range, but that was par for the course down here.  
  
She'd already had to deal once with bandits and wild Indians. The fact that native American Indians simply do not occur in modern Japan seemed to be irrelevant. Cattle rustlers would be any day now. And the Indians were a rival school using Indian Wrestling style Martial Arts (2000 year old ancient Arapahi tradition, etc, etc). Still, it was the various black hatted fellows who were the most concerning.  
  
In Japan, only criminals had guns. Akane was still far more capable and comfortable with modern weapons than bare-handed, so she'd put together a surprise, just in case. Though the last bar fight had really been a rousing one, up until she got near that table, that is. She *still* didn't know where Black Bart and his Dozen Thieves had got the idea that she should table-dance for them. They had barmaids for that. Akane had a feeling that Bart & his Thieves would be returning for revenge soon. It was in-genre.  
  
She drew her attention back when she realized that her 'father' was saying something.  
  
"...and so I would appreciate it if you would..."  
  
She realized that he was in the midst of his third repeat, his frozen brain unable to handle any more. Switching the straw to the other side of her mouth, she answered. "Hey, paw. This is the day we get them new hired hands, ain't it?"  
  
Soun nodded desperately, unable to speak.  
  
Akane mounted her horse (a paint with brown socks) in a leap from behind it, rearing it just for style (and, well, she *enjoyed* watching her 'daddy' turn white). "Send 'em on down to the farmhouse, will ya? We've got lambing season just ahead and it ain't proper nor rightly neighborly not ta let them folks have a rousing good time roping them little doggies! Yeeha!"  
  
She rode off in a trail of dust, mysteriously summoned on their paved street.  
  
Soun wept even more.  
  
Looking out her bedroom window, Kasumi frowned, biting her lip as she remembered what Akane had promised to do if any of them tried engaging her to Ranma. A Lady Godiva ride would be the *least* of her worries, and rather pleasant by comparison. At the very least, Akane had mentioned they might eventually get a postcard from her - as she'd rather live in the jungle and eat bugs the rest of her life than marry a guy. Soun thought it was a joke. Kasumi knew it wasn't.  
  
Nabiki was watching from her window as well, and was shaking her head. "I swear, any day now some guy in a sinister black cape is going to tie her down on the railroad tracks - and she'll *enjoy* it."  
  
Not too far away, Black Bart sneezed into his capuccino.  
  
----------  
  
"Eeek! Perverts!"  
  
A scream split the streets of Nerima. This, in itself, was not unusual. A mob chasing after a lone running figure would later become a local standby, and underwear theft downright common. Where this scene diverged from the original is that the crowd was NOT composed of outraged women seeking to regain their articles of clothing, but a horde of perverted boys seeking to steal more of them.  
  
The object of this howling hunt was a young redhaired girl. It was possible, that on an extremely good day, that the right supermodel with four or more hours of makeup and exactly favorable conditions could look this good if the lighting was just right, but it wasn't likely.  
  
She was currently chasing a runaway panda that was holding her shirt, and holding an arm across her bare chest was hindering her running style. Lagging a trifle behind the furious supernatural beauty and the fleeing panda was a far more normal Ranma-chan, laboring under the weight of three heavy packs and trying not to let the mob get her as second choice to the *other* redhead.  
  
"Gimme back my shirt, you perverted furball!" Shouted the abnormally gorgeous redhaired lass, presently bouncing along trying not to be indecent.  
  
[At the price that shopkeeper offered for it?] The panda signed back, little yen signs of greed showing instead of pupils in it's eyes. The sign flipped. [You've got to be crazy.]  
  
Ranko was panting heavily as she labored after the pair of them. A guy on a bicycle caught up enough to try and grope her as the sex-maddening figure of the faster redhead was still far out of reach. Ranko gave him a punch that set him flying and stole his bicyle, beginning to catch up to the fleeing pair.  
  
"I mean it! Give it back NOW!"  
  
The panda stopped running, drooling little yen signs and holding up the placard. [Wait! if he wanted that much for the *shirt!*] The sign flipped. [How much would he pay for the *panties!*]  
  
"You wouldn't DARE!?!" Shrieked the absolutely gorgeous girl, then, leaping over a net cast by the yen-crazed panda, ran shrieking off ahead of the whole mob, both arms clasped protectively over her bosom. "HEEEELP!!!"  
  
It came from out of the sun, riding from the top of a rocky crest, down a sandy slope and into the light, the pounding of hooves heralding its approach.  
  
VERY stirring banjo music also played, as Akane appeared on the streets of Nerima, crouched low over the neck of her horse, plunging the mighty steed into greater and greater speed as she edged it dramatically past the crowd of lust crazed teenage boys. Rising high in the stirrups,   
leaping her brave mount over a gorge that had mysteriously appeared in her way for no reason whatsoever, she passed the girl on the bicycle with a neighborly tip of the hat, then bore down on the rushing panda in full dramatic might.  
  
Akane swung her off leg around the saddle so both feet rested in one stirrup, charging her horse and guiding it close to the side of the furry beast. Then she leapt, grabbing the animal by the chops as her own horse swung clear and the energy of the race she transmitted to the panda bear   
in a swing that used her whole body weight to turn the bear's head about and flip it to the rushing ground.  
  
When the dust cleared Akane had hogtied the animal securely and was standing there posing. "Yeeha! That there be a dangerous critter!" Ranko rode up and came to a stop, panting, and in the speed of the chase it had not been evident, but both of the redheads were soaking wet. Akane tossed the shirt she had reclaimed back to the topless one and went on gloating. "Well, young ladies, that there varmint sure seems a heap a trouble! Ya'll look wet and hungry too. Help me get this monster pole-cat up to the Ranch and we can get ya dry and rustle up some good grub for ya!"  
  
"You got a deal!" Both the redhaired young ladies cried. Just then the mob made noises as the found a way across the chasm that had blocked their way till now. The one girl *quickly* donned her shirt as Ranko panted from overexertion.  
  
Akane frowned as the mass of perverted thrillseekers tempted WAY beyond their limits by far too much display of luscious and tender flesh, moved forward with primal urges as their goal.  
  
Akane's horse came up to her side, without removing her eyes from the dangerous mob, she grabbed the saddle horn and mounted, pulling the loop of rope free of her side and spurring directly on toward the onrushing horde o' hentai. She rose in her stirrups, shouting.  
  
"Old West style a Martial Art Ranching, Final Technique! Rowdy Roundup!!" Her rope became a blur. When the dust settled, she was riding calmly as the day is long away from the entire horde all wrapped up and bound like a good bale of hay, in fact she was chewing on the end of a straw stuck in her mouth. Pulling in on the reins to halt next to redhaired duo, she extended a hand down. "Y'all still wanna come?"  
  
All three girls cast a glance to the side where the hefty panda had somehow worked his way around to be topside up and was creeping away on fingers and toes without having untied his bonds.  
  
"Groww...urk!" A certain panda found a length of rope had just settled across his neck and gone taut.  
  
"Huh?!" The redheads' gazes followed the taut length of rope, back to their really bizarrely clad rescuer. "What the?" Ranma-chan sputtered.  
  
"Don't worry there, pardner!" The girl tied the rope's end to the saddle, then leapt off to land on the panda's head, grabbing his ears and quickly tying the muzzle shut. "This here little doggie's not gonna cause y'all any problems now!"  
  
"Uhm..." Ranma-chan said, not at *all* sure how to interpret this.  
  
"How'd you learn to do that?" Asked her redhaired partner, now decently dressed again.  
  
"Say, pardners, would y'all be adverse to me taking this here problem up to the Ranch?" Akane finished tying down the panda. Special Manuever: Tie Me Kangaroo Down! - Old West Martial Arts technique that causes the ropes to get tighter the more the victim struggles.  
  
Ranma twitched. "Ranch? In Tokyo? Errr. What's a ranch?"  
  
"A farm for raising animals." Whispered her gorgeous companion aside to her, then looked back to their rescuer, obviously struggling hard to think of words. "Um, howdy!"  
  
Akane gave that girl a neighborly nod, then picked up her hat from where it had fallen. That was HER Stetson, after all. Wouldn't do to have some panda roll over and flatten it.  
  
"Grub?" Ranma-chan was still trying to puzzle this out. Sure, she'd eaten bugs when they had nothing else, but people did that when they had a choice??  
  
The pretty girl was eyeing the tied up crowd warily, and seemed nervous they might get loose. The fact that many of them were chewingly actively on the rope that bound them didn't help her any.  
  
"Growf?" The panda was a little puzzled that the ropes weren't coming off. The last time he'd run into knots like this had been... the Master. Oh dear.  
  
"Vittles, dinner, food, don't ya know," Akane supplied. "Y'all look like ya been on the trail a long time, so come along and I'll set y'all a place at the table. Get outta this rain too!"  
  
"Sounds good to me." The gorgeous redhead offered.  
  
"Growf?! (Did someone mention food?) Growf! (Waitaminute we cannot spare a moment in reuniting the houses!)"  
  
"Food?" Ranma blinked, realizing she could put off her father's plans for awhile. Ranma found herself smiling back at the western girl. "What kind of food?"  
  
------------  
  
Soun fidgited. "Where are they?"  
  
"Are you sure they're going to be here today, Daddy?" Nabiki straightened her kimono for what seemed like the thousandth time.   
  
"Well, that is, I mean..."  
  
Kasumi straightened up. "Father, I'm going to change clothes and finish dinner."  
  
Nabiki drummed her fingers on the table. "So where's Akane? Tending the herd?" ~Well at least that means that 'Sabre Mars' isn't active today. The gangs are trying to lay traps still.~  
  
Soun nodded. "Errr..."  
  
Nabiki got up as well. "I'm going to change clothes too, Daddy. Maybe they got delayed or they had enough sense to get out of this cold rain."  
  
Soun didn't think it sounded like Genma.  
  
------------  
  
Akane started setting plates in front of the redhaired girl, who began drooling. That other girl had excused herself and gone on out back to the Necessary.  
  
An older fellow sitting nearby nodded at Ranma. "That Akane sure knows how to rustle up some vittles, don't she?"  
  
"Mmmmmfmmmph?" Ranma asked with a stuffed mouth.  
  
"Aw, Kreiger, y'all know ah'm not a shadow on my big sister!" Akane got a wicked gleam in her eyes. "Say, what y'all think about that bear..."  
  
"Growf?!" The panda went from drooling and tugging at the stake he was chained to, to a rather alarmed expression.  
  
"Why, Akane, I've never showed you but there are 101 uses for bear fat!" Kreiger twirled his handlebar moustache and eyed the bear speculatively.  
  
"Not to mention bear jerky - ah've heard it's *quite* savory," added Akane.  
  
"And a pandaskin rug would be really nice," continued Kreiger.  
  
"Mmmmffff," said Ranma, mouth still full as she tried to inhale a huge meal.   
  
"Akane, I would not have believed it had I not seen it. Someone with worse table manners than you!" Kreiger smiled at his student's discomfort.  
  
"That's beef stew, actually," Akane said to Ranma. "Figured y'all weren't ready for my Volcanic Mars Chili. Oh, and that there's mashed potatoes, them's greens, and that's steak. Ah ain't that up on the finer aspects but this simple fare's easy enough. Now my sister Kasumi, on the other hand, is a gourmet and she's up on all sorts of Japanese dishes."  
  
"Mmmmrffff?!" Ranma said. It sure beat Oyaji's cooking. And this girl's sister was a *better* cook?!  
  
"Oh, and y'all gonna want something to wash that down with. We got java, but since this here's a *Japanese* cattle ranch, ah thought y'all might prefer some tea." Akane started pouring into some battered tin cups. "Sorry it ain't as good as Kasumi could manage, but it'll do fer now eh?"  
  
"Mrrff?"  
  
"Uhm, girl, ya might wanna chew once in awhile." Akane blinked at the continued prodigious rate of consumption, and was gratified when Ranma began slowing down. "And actually, no, it's just a fairly cheap genmai (brown rice) tea. It washes the vittles down nicely. Hey, what's yer name, anyway? Can't just keep callin' ya 'girl' or 'kid'."  
  
Ranma swallowed and took a deep breath. "Ranma Saotome."  
  
"Oh, just like *the* Ranma Saotome, eh?" Akane nodded. "Well, that's kinda cool. Are you any relation to *the* Ranma?"  
  
The redhead blinked. "THE Ranma Saotome."  
  
"That's the feller who's engaged to your big sister, ain't it?" Kreiger grinned briefly. "Hell, he must be a *real* man from what I've heard!"  
  
Akane nodded and moseyed over to where a branding iron was sitting in a fire. "Yup. Though ah hear his father's a real idjit."  
  
"Growf!" The panda protested.  
  
"Engaged him to more'n a dozen girls," Akane said, turning the metal stick around.  
  
"Growf? (Was it that many?)"  
  
"Dumped him repeatedly in a pit of cats," continued Akane, "taught him a lot of things that weren't right."  
  
"Well, *that's* accurate," mumbled Ranma, eyeing her father and wondering how many fiancees there really was.  
  
"Why, ah just been in contact with a little gal named 'Okonomiyaki Ucchan' about that daddy of his." Akane inspected the red glowing end of the iron.  
  
"GROWF?!" Which in panda-speak meant something like "This sounds like a good time to go back to China."  
  
"Okonomiyaki Ucchan," puzzled Ranma for a moment. "But... he's a guy..."  
  
"Nah, turns out she's a bit of a tomboy. Oh, and she was engaged to Ranma when they were younger. Wild, huh?"  
  
Ranma was staring at the panda. "...yeah, wild...."  
  
Akane smiled, stepped into place behind the panda, and slammed the hot end home just to the side of a fuzzy little tail.  
  
------------  
  
"Aw, c'mon Mara! What kind of help is that?"  
  
The demoness shrugged. "The kind I could give. I'm a *demon*, curses are the best that I could do to hide you. You're lucky you only have to share Ranma's curse. I *could* have done Genma's or Ryoga's." She sidled up nice and close. "And you were fortunate you had that suggestion power."  
  
The gorgeous redhead talking to the demoness out behind the outhouse glanced around shiftily. "Yeah, only now that's flatlined, and my glamour that keeps me looking less outrageously attractive than I am wore out and now I'm too weak to replace it... This is NOT a good time to be a girl! I've got so many abilities out of whack I couldn't even catch that fleeing panda Ranma calls a father," she grumbled.  
  
"Much as I dislike being in that damn ball, you'd better not leave me out too long. Akane there is sufficiently talented that she can sense the presence of spirits and demons and the like." Mara frowned and looked off towards the campfire. "Though it looks like you missed Genma getting the business end of a branding iron."  
  
The redhead sniffled. "I missed that? I wonder if it will be in his uncursed form?"  
  
"I'd think so," Mara said with a grin. "So he's got the brand of the Rocking Fist Ranch on his butt from the famed Red Rider."  
  
"Well... I guess that means I've got to go back. Mara, return!"  
  
--------  
  
Ranma-j backed up and found someone had put a wall there. Hmmm. Turning, he noticed there was someone's belt there. His eyes tracked up, catching a chin.   
BIG. Solid-looking. "Oh my."   
"Plenty Bull," informed Akane at both Ranma's expressions. "Practices the ancient style of Martial Arts: Indian Wrestling. You know, the one where there's a buffalo born at the same time as the child, and every day the child picks up and carries the buffalo. Plenty Bull got twins."   
"Unnnnnn," grunted Plenty Bull, surprised and pleased that Akane remembered him that well.   
"You here for our rematch, eh?" Akane chambered and stood ready. "Well, i'm ready!"   
"Unnnnnn," disagreed the massive giant.   
"No..." Akane relaxed slightly. "Then what *are* you here for?"   
"Unnnnnn," explained Plenty Bull, then turned and walked away.   
"Well, thanks, but i *know* Black Bart is gonna try something." Akane sighed, then caught the curious looks from both Ranmas. "Oh, Black Bart is a practictioner and Heir to Martial Arts: Stage Villainry. Favorite manuever is the Snively Whiplash. He's got a dozen Thieves he's recruited to be flunkies. Don't worry about it, one of the weaknesses of his style is that he's gotta wait for suitably dramatic moments to unleash his plans."   
"Why?" Ranma-native asked.   
Ranma-Jared and Akane answered at the same time. "Because... it's the Code Of The West."  
  
  
  
  
============  
Jabberworks Basic Pickup Truck  
Crew: 1 driver and 1 passenger (two if they're small or very friendly)  
Maximum Speed: 75mph (120kph)  
Engine: gas or electric  
Maximum range: 150 miles (240km)  
Length: 12ft Width: 5ft  
Weight: 1 ton (approximate)  
MDC by location: Tires 5 each (4)  
Main Body 45  
General market cost: 6,000 credits if new. older models with some damage can run as little as 500 credits.  
Weapons: comes with none  
this is the VW Bug (old style) of the New West. Customization of these vehicles is a big thing in some circles, others prefer their trucks to look battered and well-used but still add upgrades.  
Common upgrades: better armor, hover system, covered bed, weapon emplacements, anti-theft systems, full environmental, hydraulic bed, mechanic's bay (small crane, tool chests, generator), remote signaller (extendable transmitter tower and transciever), front winch, nuclear or other engine replacement.  
Rimshot's has extra large gastanks (increasing the range to 300mi), the front winch, full environmental (cabin), and better armor (MDC 90). The TW enhancements are Chameleon, Armor (50 MDC), Mystic Alarm, Cleansing System, and Dispel Magic Barriers. The front winch has an anchor with a TW modification of Sticky (like a Carpet Of Adhesion).  



	5. Default Chapter Title

Third Labor chapter 9  
"Meanwhile Back At The Ranch"  
  
WHAT'S TRANSPIRED: Grey & Ami set out to accomplish Grey's third labor- correction of a timeline that had been altered by both the forces of Hell and the Knights of The True Continuua. They got sidetracked. Not once but several times. The fiancees/wives scattered, Grey's attempts to correct things were put further on hiatus by his "quantum leap" into a recently drowned Akane Tendo where he's become "stuck." Determined to make the best of a bad situation, "Akane" has become the star pupil of Kreiger in Martial Arts Ranching and is unaware of the plots and plans of the Indian Wrestling sensei Sitting Pretty, or of Kasumi's plans, or of who this extra Ranma is. She also has (from previous incarnations/analogues) the spellcasting abilities of a cleric (Frostbite), the knowledge of a variant of Ranma (Amazon wu shu and Anything Goes), some weapon and combat skills (incl the "Whatever Works style of Engineering Martial Arts") from the identity of Grey. Meanwhile the identities of several other Aspects have gathered in the marionette known as Ginseng.  
  
Jared (Pheonix Mage) Saotome is fleeing some well intentioned but not really competent (and in some cases sadistic) nurses and has been hidden in the shape of "a" Ranma. Ranma-n (native) and Genma have been glamouried to believe that Ranma-Jared (Ranma-j) is actually Ranma's twin. However, having seen the power of the Martial Arts Ranching (a subdiscipline within Martial Arts Old West) - particularly the warpspace technique of "Little Homestead On The Prairie" - both Ranmas are currently interested in learning more.  
  
Oh, and a certain panda has gotten hogtied and branded.  
  
--------------------  
  
Looking out into the dark where a huge warrior had vanished, Kreiger blinked a couple of times. "Oh well, Akane, it's getting late."  
  
"Yeh, ah better mosey on home 'afore my folks git all worrisome." Akane picked up her hat and cocked it at a rakish angle. "Say there, young ladies. Y'all welcome to stay out here if'n you like."  
  
"How was this place constructed anyway," the elven looking version of Ranma said, looking about. Even with the current low power level, Jared could tell that folded space was in use.  
  
"Why that's the Master technique of Old West style Martial Arts," said Kreiger with a wink. Then he nodded proudly towards his newest pupil. "The technique's called 'Little Homestead on the Prairie'. Akane just learned the Old West manuever called Cattlepunching, so she'll be ready to learn Cowpoke any day now. At her rate, she might be ready for Mastery in another five years!"  
  
Ranma couldn't keep his mouth shut. "Bet I could learn it in a week."  
  
Akane had been holding herself up a little straighter at the praise, then slumped and gave a dirty look to Ranma at the comment.  
  
"What are those other manuevers," Jared asked, curious and not really wanting to see yet another Akane vs Ranma fight.  
  
"Cattlepunching is a massive powerpunch, one blow can stop a raging bull. Cowpoke is both a speed and strength training technique." Kreiger turned his attention to Akane. "The training must be accomplished at night, Akane. You must come back when the herd's asleep and be able to push over a cow with one hand."  
  
"'Cow-tipping?'" Jared wasn't sure she had heard right, then she understood. "I get it. Strength technique because you have to be able to push over a steer with one hand, concentrating more and more strength until you've done it. Speed because when the bull's woke up you've got to get out of the pasture before you get trompled or gored."  
  
Kreiger tipped his hat. "You've got it one, miss. Not bad."  
  
"See y'all tomorrow then," said Akane, wheeling her horse up and around.  
  
"That's not a real horse," Ranma-j said, the feeling that something was wrong about Akane's horse finally going click.  
  
"Sadly, no," agreed Kreiger. "We only got a couple of horses around to spare, and Akane said she didn't feel right about putting nobody out 'cause she needed something to ride. Well, that young filly done put together a shop in that there shed, then she pulled an all nighter and darn if she hadn't *built* herself that horse."  
  
Jared's eyes widened and she *almost* charged into the indicated building. Only the certain knowledge that there would be some sort of anti-theft/anti-tampering device prevented her. "Uhm, I don't suppose she left you a key."  
  
"Yup, but she be back tomorrow after school. Think she'd be right happy to give ya a look." Kreiger seemed to consider the two briefly, then went back to checking the fire.  
  
---------  
  
"Howdy, Kasumi," Akane took off her hat and bowed respectfully, the cowboy boots were put aside a moment later and the slippers/uwabaki were donned. "Brought y'all a little something."  
  
"Oh, what?"   
  
"Ah had a chance to do some cookin', ran into some folks who was lost, and got 'em settled in up at the Ranch." Akane handed a large iron kettle with a lid to her sister who eyed it uncertainly.  
  
Nabiki stared a moment too. "You cooked?"  
  
"Well sure. Mind ya, it ain't nothing fancy. Just a beef stew." Akane shrugged. "Y'all know ah don't care fer beef meself, and even with two of them eatin' like that, they didn't finish it. Landsakes they must have been starvin' to put away that much."  
  
"Errr. And they're OK?" Nabiki continued to eye the kettle as if she expected tentacles to shove aside the lid and start groping around.  
  
"Why, sure. Say, Nabiki-CHAN, i think y'all could probably help me with it."  
  
"Nononononono!" Nabiki backed away, shaking her head.  
  
Kasumi set the container down, opened the lid, and took a deep breath of the odors. Then, puzzled, sniffed at it again. Taking a spoon she scooped a little of the still-warm mixture up.  
  
Nabiki saw this and almost panicked. "No, Kasumi! You'll die! Errr." The hurt look on Akane's face was horrible to see. "Uhm, wait Akane, I didn't mean."  
  
Kasumi's eyes got large. "Akane! This... this is good."  
  
"Well, it ain't nothing on your cooking, oneechan!" Akane acknowledged the braver of her two sisters.   
  
Nabiki tried it and stared anew at her sister. Akane had cooked. It was not only edible, but fairly tasty. Probably be decent as a rice topping. "Akane, YOU made this."  
  
"Yeah," Akane looked sad for a moment. "Oh well, ah might've made a couple more friends today. Have to go back to the Ranch tomorrow after school and see how they's doing."  
  
"Don't forget you've got to go with me to the doctor tomorrow, Akane," Kasumi spent a few moments staring at the kettle of stew then back to her sister.  
  
"Yup, that's right. Okay, AFTER we visit the sawbones." Akane nodded. "Gonna use the furo now, sis. It's been a long ride on a dusty trail today, y'hear?"  
  
Nabiki waited for Akane to get out of sight. "Sis. She cooked! And it's not making me sick! What does this mean?"  
  
"That Akane may be having these mental problems, but they're not entirely bad?" Kasumi frowned ever so slightly. "We'll see what the nice Doctor says tomorrow, ne, Nabiki?"  
  
---------  
  
Ranma-chan for once was feeling a little intimidated.  
  
No sooner was it determined they were going to stay the night than her more attractive twin had set out with an empty pail and come back with it full of frothy milk. This had been worth some amount of drool on Ranma's part. But instead of drinking it her twin had poured it into this wooden bucket-thingy with a pole sticking out of it and began plunging away.  
  
Kreiger had put his boots up and watched this with an eye of fascination as the girl had churned butter, ground wheat, baked a few loaves of bread (somehow acquiring a long dress with a hoop skirt, apron, gloves and western bonnet in the middle of this) and was now making soap out of grease left over from cooking and ashes from the fire, pouring the mix in a mold and setting it up on a shelf out of the way to set.  
  
The old rancher just played with his mustache and nodded.  
  
Jared sat down, smoothed her skirts, and began to card wool.  
  
Kreiger just kept nodding to himself all the while.  
  
Ranma-chan was feeling mystified. Breaking stuff she could handle, this was something else, and it felt like it was WAY outta her league. Jared broke into her train of thoughts. "Ranma, this is why it was once said: A woman's work is never done. She has to keep the entire family fed and clothed, and make most of her own tools and ingredients from scratch. She makes her own lace, turns wool into cloth then into garments and blankets, makes her own soap for washing, grows herbs in a garden for flavorings and for medicine..." She leveled her eyes in a challenge to the other Ranma. "Truly, it is a grueling regimen of strict endurance and toughness training."  
  
Ranma's eye's sparkled in defiance. She pointed a thumb toward her chest. "Oh yeah? I'm ready for anything!"  
  
~Got ya!~ Blue eyes twinkled merrily. She cocked her head. "Well, evening has set in. What say we have a cloth making contest?"  
  
Ranma stared at the wide wicker basket full of wool and had doubts. "Uh, okay sure. Um, how do you, uh..."  
  
Jared-chan checked the room. "Well, we have only one set of carding boards and one spinning wheel, so instead of a contest how about a game? I'll show you how to card wool, then you see if you can do that faster than I can spin it. Deal? I'm no expert, but the basics are worth learning. We'll see if you can stay ahead of me. Loser works the Weasel."  
  
Ranma-chan sweatdropped.  
  
"That thing." Jared pointed to a wooden contraption set up in the corner whose purpose and use totally mystified Ranma. "Children can do it, you'll be fine. Or maybe I'll be fine if you card faster than I spin. But you've heard the nusery rhyme: Round and round the mulberry bush the monkey chased the weasel? That's the weasel they were talking about, and the monkey referred to the child that would turn it. That song was meant to time their work, and when all ten verses were done they had a skein of yarn. Now look here, you hold the carding boards so their bristles rub against each other, with the wool held between. Then with long, smooth strokes you pull the wool so the fibers all align with each other, like you were brushing hair. It takes some time, but the better you do it, the smoother the yarn I spin will be. With yarn we can knit it into clothing directly or spread it on the loom, which is that thing over there, to make cloth like you're more familiar with, but we'll probably want to dye   
it first. Mint makes a nice green color."  
  
Ranma moved her chair over and knocked over a thing that looked like a wooden ginger bread man holding a rope in each hand. Jared looked up. "Oh, Ranma-chan, could you please hang that on the wall? It really doesn't belong on the table."  
  
The perplexed redhead was staring at it dubiously. "What is it?"  
  
"It's a toy used to teach children how to milk cows. I could show you how to use it."  
  
Kreiger hid a grin and got up to go out, putting on his hat. "I'll go check on the herd. You gals stay here and make yourselves to home."  
  
-------------  
  
"Why are we doing this?" Ranma-chan asked, as the two girls walked up from the stream bed holding a wide tub of water between them.  
  
Jared raised her eyes to look at the brightening glow of the sunrise. "Because Ranma, a man can hold practically everything he needs in his mind except food and pants. Besides, and more to the point, these are the skills to make something out of nothing, and a man who can do that can never be poor. Here we have dirt, and water and trees. If we don't know more than Genma or a modern world teaches us those remain fairly useless, but a little bit of skill makes those into food, warm homes, furniture, metal, clothing, even decorations and pretty things." She paused and bent down to scoop up a handful of sand, letting it dribble between their fingers as they walked. "Take this for an example. What use is sand? Pops would have us train on it, most people would spread a blanket or a beach umbrella over it. But give me a little fire and this is glass. Glass can be made into bottles, windows and even musical instruments. A few glass jars and we can preserve food so that spring berries last us all winter long as jam. A glass window and we have light in our homes without summer's hot breezes or winter's chill storms. Music makes the days roll spritely by, gladdening our hearts and making us merry. All from a handful of sand."  
  
The pair of them reached the farmhouse and set down the tub of water. Jared pointed over to a red hill. "See that rock? There's iron ore in that. That green rock's copper. Over there, if you'll look down in that valley, that's a hint of coal. If you and I take that dead tree over there I could make a fire with just a few branches that would start some coal, using coal we'd melt the metals out of those rocks. using a little more fire we could make anything you could imagine: Copper cookware, iron stoves, horseshoes, tools and so many things I could scarcely *name* them! The first CARS were made by blacksmiths pounding metal together, and lightbulbs were fashioned of a hint of copper, a simple filament, and a bulb of clear, blown glass from a glassblower. There is scarcely a spot on this earth that doesn't have something a knowledgable person can use to make wealth, and by that I mean those things that make life easier or worth living." The redhead held her arms wide and spread them, swinging wide in a circle. "The *entire world* is a place FULL of those things that a person with knowledge can turn to their benefit and the betterment of others! How many times did Genma use the excuse that we had nothing as justification for stealing something? Well, the only excuse for having nothing is knowing nothing. It is a lowly worm that spins the threads from which we make silk, an ugly rock is polished and cut to make a diamond!"  
  
She stopped spinning and turned to face her twin. "If you know how to make things then you can lose *everything* and start again! And ranching is one of those areas that teaches you to make things." She smiled. "Here's a quote I think you'll like: To the extent to which we are dependant on others for our daily living, is the extent to which we have lost our freedom." She shrugged. "Good quote. Because if you *have* to have a paycheck to meet your bills then you are a slave to the one who gives that check. If you lay down a credit card then you are in bondage to that company until that debt is paid off, because there are choices we can't make until that is done. Freedom is nothing more than the ability to make your own choices. Do we want to have that right and then let Genma make them for us?"  
  
Ranma's eyes were so wide it was a wonder she didn't catch bugs in them.  
  
Jared turned away from her and began to fill a water pot from the tub they'd carried. "In ranching it's women who make the clothes, so for now we'll learn that. Then from that point on if you're washed up naked on a beach somewhere you can take fiber of any kind and make your tools and make your cloth and have clothes. As men we'll come back and learn farming, blacksmithing, carpentry and probably a passel load of other things." She gestured inside with the now full cooking pot. "I'm going to make soup, we can talk in there. Anyway, in our martial art we learn to do without the crutch of weapons, using skill to replace the need for them. Well, in ranching we learn to do without the crutch of things made *for* us, using skill to make our own. What a wonderful independence that is! Being able to say: I have no need of that from you. Yet knowing you also won't do without. It brings back the ability to make choices, rather than simply paying whatever price the vendor asks."  
  
She laughed. "You could go into bondage to get a cooking pot, or simply make your own. It's that easy, and you'll probably be happier with the one you make because it's YOURS."  
  
-----------  
  
The horse looked up as Akane came out to "feed" the horse in the morning.  
  
"How y'all doing, Fess?"  
  
"Systems operational and values are within tolerable levels. Though the dew makes my skin itchy."  
  
"Well we can't have that." Akane started sluicing water off the marionette horse's artificial hide. "You wanna head up to the Ranch for the day, keep an eye on the Ranma Twins?"  
  
"Affirmative, mistress." Fess didn't notice Akane's flinch at that term. "Though earlier you indicated that there would be only one Ranma."  
  
Akane completely dropped the Western-speak, after all, it was only her and Fess. "Only thing i can think of is that the original Ranma fell in Spring Of Drowned Girl, then Spring of Drowned Twins - resulting in nearly identical Ranma twins. Though that *still* doesn't cover all the questions. Why is one so much better looking? Why does the good looking one have pointed ears? Where was that flash of demonic presence coming from and how did it manage to hide again? Why is one Ranma about what i'd expect, and the other seems to have a touch more grace and speed?"  
  
"Did you use any of your spells?" Fess had trouble with the whole magic concept, but had to admit that Akane was able to do *something* that did not fit into any other explanation. The very thought made his central processor hurt.  
  
"Only one. Spellcasting on people without their permission is pretty impolite at the very least. i used 'Detect Evil' and neither came back as bearing more than normal taint. Though the pretty one is *carrying* something with a dark aura. Not enough of a reading to indicate more. i had to do it pretty subtle, if one *had* been a demon then i'd have needed to prepare better to fight it. i still remember being that cyborg when i fought alongside the Pheonix Mage. Only magic or some *major* firepower can injure a youma. i tried depleted uranium rounds against a youma and i might as well have been throwing rocks."  
  
Fess nodded as Akane finished wiping him off. "I shall endeavor to keep an eye on them while you are at school. If one turns out to be demonic, than I shall inform you."  
  
"Good enough," Akane said, "i'd trade you if i could. Japanese history test today and that's one of my major problem subjects."  
  
------------  
  
The bishonen lad on the train took the letter out and reread it again. It didn't matter that much, it had been read so many times that it was practically burned into memory. The black pen marks were firm and straight, somehow seeming masculine in their structure.  
  
  
To:Ukyo Kuonji  
9-53-104 Shinonome-cho  
Izumiootu City, Osaka 595  
  
Please read this letter in its entirity before engaging in rash acts, Kuonji-san.   
  
It has come to my attention that a grievous breach of honor has been used to harm you. A decade ago, Ranma Saotome was engaged to you without his knowledge.  
  
That's right. Without his knowledge. As a shrine maiden, i understand the importance of maintaining one's karma. He needs to find a way of making reperations for the tangle of obligations that his father inflicted upon him.  
  
He is engaged to my eldest sister due to a pre-existing arrangement. Your engagement is also a concern, as the dowry that his father stole roughly equals the strength of the claim that he should marry a Tendo. There is one other claimant with a roughly equal claim, and in addition another six that i have learned of through fire readings.  
  
Even with all my skills in fire reading and speaking with the spirits, i have not found an easy solution. It is my hope that i can confer with you and the others and find a solution that satisfies all.  
  
By Tuesday, Ranma and his father will be in Nerima at the Tendo Dojo. Take what vengeance you will on the guilty, to follow your own karma, but first be certain of who is truly guilty.  
  
Akane Tendo  
Tendo dojo  
31, Takahashi  
Furin-ken, Nerima-shi  
Tokyo 260-801  
  
Ukyo fidgeted slightly. Akane Tendo, the shrine maiden. Oh yes, she'd heard of her. Some said she was mad. Others spoke of a 'divine madness' where she healed the sick with a touch or viewed the future within the shadows of a flame. It was talked of everywhere. Prior to getting this letter, she'd thought of visiting anyway. If this Akane could see things like that, maybe she could have found her targets.  
  
And now, now, she had a chance of closing the circle by this girl's intervention.  
  
Well, shrine priestesses tend to be meek and ladylike, (or so she'd heard) so Ukyo wouldn't do anything too upsetting where the girl could see.  
  
---------  
  
"Are you sure about this, Great Grandmother?"  
  
"That's what the letter says, and it is certainly *possible*, Shampoo. If it is as this 'Akane Tendo' says, then your strategy will have to be rethought."  
  
Shampoo frowned then brightened. "Maybe he's better looking than Mousse?"  
  
"Well, we'll see. Fortunately you hadn't left the village for pursuing him when the letter came." Cologne looked on the city they were approaching and smiled. And if this 'Akane' had *those* sorts of psychic talents, well, maybe she'd have to make her an honorary Amazon.  
  
There were all kinds of strength, after all.  
  
---------  
  
The crowds avoided Akane. Even boys that were willing to throw themselves onto her fists a mere two weeks previously were loathe to approach her.   
  
The *old* Akane would have hit them for trying to grab or defeat her. The *old* Akane would have accepted the idea that one of them beating her then got to date her. The *old* Akane acted cute and smiled and was a typical cute Japanese girl - but with that fierce and violent nature that promised she'd be an especially passionate lover.  
  
That Akane had died. Killed, or so Nabiki spun the tale, by their enthusiasm and Kuno's ideas of the fierce descendent of samurai ancestors that Akane was.   
  
The *new* Akane would... well. Daisuke had groped her, assuming that Akane had been sufficiently depressed that she wouldn't even notice. The good news was that the surgical reattachment *had* been successful and Daisuke would not be sterile. The *new* Akane had threatened to shove a hot branding iron up the butt of the next person who tried something like that. If it was a bluff, it was a darn good one. The *new* Akane rarely smiled at school and had an intense air about her. And she was a powerful shrine priestess. One who performed miracles regularly.  
  
The girls avoided her too. Unless they needed or wanted something. Even then they did not approach Akane until *after* school. DURING school everyone got the impression of a caged and restless and not entirely sane tiger.  
  
AFTER hours, well, if she was in Shrine Maiden garb they'd approach her. The Red Rider would be avoided like the plague.  
  
Akane bided her time, took the damn classes, ignored the idiocy and found herself wondering if anyone ever expected this stuff to get used in real life. And even after a lifetime *as* a Japanese- a lot of this kanji still gave the being known as Grey trouble.  
  
Grey wondered *why* he couldn't leap into Dragon Shiryu or Phoenix Ikki or Detonator Orgun Tomoru or someone whose skills he could use in the upcoming labor. Heck, just someone in the right timeframe would have been logical. No, he got one of the anime characters he most disliked. And now he was beginning to suspect that Akane *wasn't* dead- further complicating things.   
  
During lunch, Akane tried a quick spell and confirmed it. Akane had come near death. Another five seconds of breathing water and she would have drowned. Then Grey had found himself assuming her form and identity. And more and more of Akane seemed to be awakening but was held under by Grey's presence. So there was an Akane Tendo slumbering within.  
  
The problem was, what to do. As far as clerical spells went, about the top she could manage was Abjure. Even if using some form of exorcism, which one would be dispelled? If someone external could do it, it would likely be Grey. If HE did it, it would likely be Akane. Killing the body was no longer a consideration because the original Akane may have merely had Rage Disorder or be something besides an evil psychobitch. Well, that and she'd promised.  
  
This was rather like the time he'd been on a mission in a fusion timeline where the heroes of "Sailor Moon" had been up against the villains of "Saint Saeya." Usagi hadn't lasted long at all. The feeling of helplessness was similar, though it seemed unlikely that he'd have to go around burying friends. Grey hoped.  
  
He'd died at least ten times on that timeline. If it were possible to will the Binding over to someone else so that they would resurrect instead of him, it would have happened there. There were nights he could close his eyes and still see... Akane shuddered. She expected that memory to be one of those that would become erased by the Binding to keep the madness at bay.  
  
Now as Akane, she was trying to learn skills that would be useful in the Labor (providing he could ever reach it). The Old West style of Martial Arts had several special manuevers that would be *incredibly* useful in Colonial America. "Boom Town" allowed buildings to be erected overnight (though they'd fall apart within a few years), "Infinite Six Gun" could... well maybe it could be adapted to muzzleloaders.   
  
Once adapted to the idea of being stuck here, doing something to at least prepare for rescue had seemed logical. Hence the marionette workshop and Martial Arts Ranching and attempting to research the period. Though the Furinkan Library had darn little that dealt with American History, and what little she could find was likely skewed by the alterations in timelines.  
  
Akane rubbed her forehead. This hurt. Heck, even that test on the Reformation period was looking better than this.  
  
----------  
  
"I don't get it. WHY do we have to remain GIRLS!" Ranma was getting disgusted with all this, though he had to admit that on some level he would find it difficult to listen to his father talk about women being weak or pathetic. Keeping house was HARD WORK.  
  
"First, this is the Rocking Fist Ranch. Built as a dojo for practicing all manner of Old West Martial Arts. No modern plumbing. Effort to duration equation states that it's not worth it to cart the water, heat it on a fire, use that, then get splashed. This is Nerima. And, as I've told you repeatedly, DON'T MAKE THE CURSE OBVIOUS!! If caught in a situation where you are one gender, stay that gender until you can leave, then do the switch out of possible sight."  
  
"Yeah well..." Ranma grumbled.  
  
"Because of it's very unusualness, people won't naturally assume what is happening unless you grind their faces in it, and here's the clincher - then they will pity you."  
  
Ranma frowned. Pity wasn't something he was familiar with or wanted.  
  
"Consider it an exercise in Martial Arts Self Control. You did a ton of other things that were unpleasant or even downright nasty, and lived through them for training. This is no different. Until it can be totally resolved, the harder you fight, the worse it will hurt. So the hard thing to do is actually let it happen without struggling, but to control it at the same time. Think for a minute about fighting the rush of a river. Even if you beat it for a few minutes or even hours, the river doesn't ever tire and will soon dash you on the rocks and snares downstream. But if you ride with it you can get moments of rest and use your strength to choose your path around the dangers. The Curse has too much energy for us to will it not to change us, but by accepting that and riding instead of fighting that power, we can help keep it from changing our lives or destroying us."  
  
Jared gave Ranma a searching look. "Can you understand that? View it like a battle. We can't beat this right now, so we'll train until we CAN. Until then we just do the best we can to minimize the damage."  
  
"Yeah. But I still don't like it." Ranma grumbled and looked to where his baka oyaji was heating some water.  
  
"Oh, on *that* we can quite agree."  
  
----------  
  
Sabre Marionette Timeline:  
  
Ginseng had thrown herself into developing techniques on accelerating fetal development, artificial wombs and birth creches. She'd redesigned marionette ligaments and muscle cables. She'd pulled up new designs for artificial hearts and lungs encountered in previous lives and did everything else she could think of. One of which had increased the efficiency of marionette construction so that a basic unit with a fairly sophisticated neural network (able to perform fairly complex commands and interpret involved commands) could be popped out of the factory every half hour.  
  
The kids were the real time consumer. After one month, over thirty girls had been born using the new creche. While some were going to be small and frail, the process would be perfected in future births. Of that thirty, twelve had skin the color of milk chocolate, white hair, amber eyes, and lightly pointed ears. Another forty were planned for later.  
  
The first such one, a little baby who had learned to gurgle a giggle and tugged at Gennai's beard constantly, was named Chocolatte (with two T's and pronounced as if it were a French word) had become everyone's darling almost immediately.  
  
Ginseng expected Jared to pop a blood vessel on seeing dozens of drow girls laughing and playing underfoot. If he returned.  
  
She'd run into the followers of Eilistraee before, and the basic concepts that she knew were transferred to computer files. Not her choice, but it was better than some of the alternatives. She'd build a temple/gym later.  
  
It was better than focussing on your current appearance.   
  
It was better than acknowledging that by some weird twist of spell or technology that you were now a completely biological human woman, and just happened to be a dead ringer for a walking disaster area named Mihoshi.  
  
It was even worse to hear people talking about "biological duty."  
  
Yes, far better to concentrate on work.  
  
-------------  
  
Jared found her way into the workshop, with Kreiger watching, and immediately gestured to keep Ranma silent. Suspicions formed instantly.  
  
Everything was constructed of native materials, which meant roughhewn wooden tables, troughs made of hammered metal plates, and three Mac computers cobbled together into a strange mass. There were wires and scrapped parts from a dozen sources.  
  
Jared had learned enough about marionette construction to divine most of the purposes, but her attention was really riveted by the two costumes hanging from pegs. One was a *very* ersatz Sailor Mars suit, one that incorporated karate gear into it. The second was a replica of a Devilhunter Yohko costume.  
  
Jared looked around the equipment and further noted an attempt to build an electronic doorframe. And that! That looked like the beginnings of some Knight Sabre-like powerarmor. Though the yen symbols were definitely NOT what he expected. "Akane built all this?"   
  
"Yup," indicated Kreiger. "Akane said something about needing this space away from her home as her family getting all sorts of ideas."  
  
"One, two, three, four, five, six crossover elements." Jared hmmmed and nodded. ~This confirms that Akane is *not* Akane. But who? The time is obvious, a few days before my arrival the first time, Nabiki had stated something about Akane going nuts and trying to kill herself. So a dimension traveller, one who's been around, one who dislikes Akane, one who is gadget oriented, has some cooking skills, prone to depression... Of course! Who ELSE has luck that bad?~  
  
The native Ranma examined the odd suit of armor and wondered who was supposed to wear THAT. Too big for his cursed form, and the interior was definitely shaped for a female anatomy. "Hmmm. Do ya think this is Akane's?"  
  
"No, it's built for someone taller than Akane..." Jared quickly matched the size up with individuals he'd met. "I'd say that's for Sailor Mercenary!"  
  
Nabiki sneezed abruptly in class and wondered if she was getting a cold.  
  
---------  
  
An EVA crossover world:  
  
"Let me get this straight," said Misato to the odd holographic projection. "The person we knew as Shinji was actually a dimension traveller named Grey. That we all have these different Aspects like facets on a gem, and that each of us is a seperate individual. Shinji vanished because he was pulled OUT of this universe when this guy Grey was summoned because he was the closest version of this guy to where he was being summoned."  
  
Edema nodded and responded with her soft Southern drawl. "Yes. That's it."  
  
"THAT'S CRAZY!"  
  
Edema rolled her eyes. "Nonetheless, that's what happened. Then Shinji died and was..."  
  
Ami shrieked and fainted.  
  
"He's DEAD?!" Misato asked, feeling a little faint herself.  
  
"Yes, but he gets better very quickly." Edema wondered why human women did that. It didn't seem to have a useful function. "Oh well. So... he's alive on the same timeline, but there's a complication."  
  
"He died and he came back?" Makoto asked, then her eyes rolled up and she fainted.  
  
Edema stared for a moment. "Errr. Yeah. Anyway. Because of a teensy tiny mistake on my part, he's now a girl in her mid twenties."  
  
"You turned him into a girl?!" Usagi leaned back as if she was about to faint, then fell over and clunked her head into the floor.  
  
Edema had heard that humans made poor slaves. If they reacted this way just to a simple explanation of Grey's problems, no wonder this was the case. "Uhm... anyway. He's supposed to be accomplishing Twelve Labors except he got kinda messed up and we're still trying to find out where he went. Or rather where half of him went."  
  
"Eeeep!" Minako pictured all sorts of gory and disgusting visions dealing with guys turned into girls and then ripped in half. She didn't faint, but looked quite ill.  
  
"Is something wrong?" Edema didn't get it for a moment. THESE were the tough power armor troops who had fought against the yoma? Or no... these girls had been normal and thrown into battle against inhuman beings. They had thought everything had settled and been done with. Now this.  
  
"You tell us Shinji's dead and that Grey isn't just a nickname that Ami gave him years ago but some sort of alternate being, that he's been split into two beings and the only one you can locate is a GIRL?! What kind of reaction did you *think* you'd get?"  
  
Edema waited idly until the others had awoken. She especially wanted the one wearing the plain gold band on her finger to hear this. "Look, there's something you should know. I know Grey, and he'd gladly spend the rest of his days being happily bored with any or all of you."  
  
"...bored?" Makoto said, frowning  
  
"gladly... happily?" Ami repeated, a little light coming back into her eyes.  
  
"Well, except for the age difference. Most of his Aspects are older than yours by a couple of decades. Oh, and that y'all's other selves been friends of his, in some cases really close, but you've either dumped him later or died."  
  
"Dumped him?" Makoto said, flinching for some reason.  
  
"Died?" Ami frowned, shaking her head to clear it.  
  
Setsuna stepped forward, bringing her staff up, the orb at the top glowing. "Close your eyes and see for yourself."  
  
They saw images of the Silver Millenium, where the Knight Of Duty and the Princess Jupiter parted when the Princess saw someone else who was cuter. And of the Knight then being discarded by Princess Pluto, ironically enough for duty.  
  
The images changed and where the earlier had been a montage, this was a single scene from a different life.  
  
"This is a timeline where he violated orders to stay by your side. He became friends with all of you, and helped you survive your earliest battles against the dark forces arrayed against you. All to naught, however. That's a variation of Ami dying in his arms, by the way." Setsuna winced. She hadn't been too happy viewing this timeline either.  
  
Ami watched the seifuku-clad version of herself reach up and wipe her friend's tears away, leaving a streak of blood. Then, after her other self had fallen limp, the vision of Grey laid her tenderly down, closed her eyes, and charged up a set of broad stone steps.  
  
"He only remembers bits and pieces of a number of previous lives, though emotional memory is slightly more complete," Edema cautioned. "I'll tell y'all something up front, if you go getting all competitive or too aggressive with him, you'll frighten 'im off."  
  
"Actually he liked me being aggressive with him," Ami said in a quiet voice.  
  
"Ohhhhh?" The chorus was from a number of girls suddenly focussing on Ami.  
  
"ah ahhhhhhh, I mean, that is, well...." Ami started stuttering and playing with her fingers, turning cherry red in the process.  
  
Edema's image nodded approvingly. "Well, that's quite a bit further than usual."  
  
"In any case, there is a possibility of seperating the Shinji-albino from the rest of him."  
  
Ami interrupted, glad of something else to focus on. "You know, Shinji Ikari was just his legal name. The real Shinji was a little boy who died in childbirth. In OUR world at least, Grey was genetically engineered from over a dozen genetic sources including the Dark Angel 'Adama' much like the second version that Gendo pulled out after Grey's death."  
  
"Yeah, but Sephiroth had *nothing* in common with him. Other than some aspects of appearance, that is," Makoto said with a growl. She'd never liked Sephiroth's holier-than-thou attitude. Especially after his attempt to find and utilize the Silver Crystal. "Hey, waitaminute, if Grey's out there then..."  
  
Edema nodded. "Oh yes, there is a version of Sephiroth out there as well."  
  
----------  
  
Akumakun/Ranma timeline:  
  
Akane traced the pattern in the dust, mumbling a prayer. From above, one could realize that it was a Seal Of Solomon. Then making a gesture and channelling power, Akane cast the spell.  
"Twelve spirits guard the way,  
Your assistance lend today,  
Bypass barriers of time and space,  
Come ye here to this place,  
i call your name- TORIOHIME!"  
  
A cute green haired girl in a red dress formed out of the swirl of dust within the Seal, her wings fluttering behind her. "Ah, Akane-kun! What is it? I'm rather busy at the moment."  
  
Akane prepared to reverse the spell and send her back. "Oh? Fighting the Darkside?"  
  
"Actually I was getting ready to watch the 'Skysaber' episode for today. Today's episode has him trying to deal with a telemarketer who won't take no for an answer."  
  
"As fascinating as i'm sure that would be," Akane said drily, "there's a brief need for you. Can you go up to the Rocking Fist Ranch and take a look at the two Ranmas? Your magical senses might see something Fess would miss."  
  
"Doubtful. Wind's my ability. I'll look." The wind-princess flew off and back a moment later. "You forgot there are wards up around the Ranch."  
  
"Eeh. You're right. i DID forget." Akane sighed and leaned back against the wall. "Okay, well, maybe i can perfect the D-Gate and get out of here before they marry me off to one or both of the Ranmas."  
  
"BOTH?! You're kidding..." Toriohime looked a bit distressed at that thought.  
  
"Trust me on this. With SOME people, two Ranmas mean they'd BOTH end up married to Akane." Akane shook her head. "And as it looks like there's a real Akane to take over, the sooner i leave the sooner she gets her life back."  
  
---------  
  
She was the Ice Queen, the terror of Furinkan High, the heartless Mercenary Girl, the soulless Iron Bitch. She had been called all these and more and worse.  
  
Ever since the death of her mother, she had been someone of iron control. Someone who had worn an iron mask and pretended she WAS the mask. A wonderful game where she held all the cards and had proven her intellectual superiority over the mass of students at Furinkan. Tiniest effort - greatest reward. Her major joys had been in exercise, eating, and her "game."  
  
Between her sister's revelations, and seeing herself as part of some Heavenly Host, and some serious soul searching... Nabiki was uncertain of many things...  
  
But she was sure she could be nice. She could be loveable! And when this 'Ranma' showed up, she'd *prove* that she could be just as kind and friendly and cute as EITHER of her sisters!  
  
---------  
  
RIFTS Earth:  
  
There were those who would say that in the future, with advanced weapons technology, war would be eerily silent.   
  
**BOOM!**  
  
Then there are those who feel that in the future, there will be no more wars, that a truly advanced civilization will find other ways of resolving disputes. These persons will also argue that technological advances will make it too costly to pursue violence. Besides, violence never solved anything.  
  
**BOOM!** **FRAK!** **ZAP!**  
  
The person confronted with the reality of something like a squad of winged powerarmor who were more than willing to shoot first and then examine the corpses for answers would likely tell the first two groups that they were idiots.   
  
**BOOM!**  
  
Minako's Boomgun was considered a slow weapon, both for purposes of actually hitting something and for reloading. Each of the sonic-boom-producing shots that *did* connect, however, crippled one of the SAMAS (Strategic Armor Military Assault Suit) following.  
  
**ZAP!**  
  
Setsuna was a Mystic, a spellcaster with some odd clairvoyant abilities. She threw lightning. And magic nets. She also used a TechnoWizard enhancement on her staff that threw sparkling blue missiles that chipped and gouged cerametal armor. Unfortunately, her range was the least of any of them, which led to her frustration at not being able to contribute more. Especially as her own energy weapon was being used by someone else.  
  
**FRAK!**  
  
And while Makoto Kino, aka Apple, aka Princess Jupiter didn't know much about energy weapons, she was very enthusiastic about the idea of not being killed. The infrequent blast of Setsuna's (Wilk's 227 pulse) laser pistol was heard more through burning the air in the path of the blast than the cracking noise caused by the infrequent hit.  
  
Ami looked out the windshield of the battered truck and gasped as the air seemed to split in front of them.  
  
---------  
  
Three figures rode out of the sunset and the afternoon light.  
  
On the left there was a bouncy redhead, wearing chaps and a Stetson over her regular Chinese clothes, holding the reins of her dappled mare and eyeing it as if afraid of what it was going to do any moment.  
  
In the center there was Akane, sitting easy in the saddle. She rode on, ignoring the gasps and startled noises of the few pedestrians as she passed them. She'd thought they'd have gotten used to it by now.  
  
"Hey, Akane! Would you like a cuppa..."  
  
She'd also thought the various guys hitting on her would have gotten the idea by now, but this *was* Nerima. The periodic off-and-on drizzle was also ignored. It was the whole purpose of Western clothes to be rugged.  
  
On the right was the huge horse, one that reminded those looking at it of the horse that Raoh rode a decade ago in a television series called "Fist Of The Northstar." A Clydesdale on hormones thirty hands tall if he was an inch, and a stallion of glossy white coat with a black star patch over one eye. He was also the meanest horse in these here territories, he'd dang near killed the last eight men who'd tried to ride 'im.   
  
Now it'd been something of a local bet, the saloon'd give a quart of whiskey and a pound o gold to anyone daring to make the attempt.  
  
This here redhead'd walked clear up to the thang wi' nary a concern in her sweet little head and mounted him straightaway, bareback even, and he'd been gentle as a schoolgirl's kiss to her ever since.  
  
Kreiger had gone on and on about how gawl dern *appropriate* it was that a right fittin hero should have a horse that no one else could ride, and adopted the sweet little chickadee into the Old West School o Martial Art Ranching straightaway. She now wore an outfit similar to Akane's, though her skirt was longer and she had a blue bandana tied over her face so as not to excite the locals with her downright outrageous beauty.  
  
Trailing behind, slung over the back of a jackass, Genma moaned with a pillow tied to his rump, that end sticking in the air. An empty quart jug o' whiskey trailed from the end of his fingers.  
  
Akane had been unsatisfied with the quality of the first brand and had had to redo it.  
  
The group pulled to a stop at a street corner as a yellow blur buzzed by at several hundred miles per hour, followed in seconds by a racing Thundertank full of a good half dozen shapely female Thundercats and their theme song.  
  
"What was THAT?!" Ranma-n in chaps and Chinese clothes squeeked.  
  
Ranma-j turned her head to look over at the Cat's Lair being built where the old scrap yard had been. "Don't ask, they're obviously looking for something." ~Specifically *ME*, but by Thundara Snarf is the least medically fumble fingered of the lot of them and he makes Akane seem coordinated with a scalpel! When I can get back safely I'm going to see that some of them get remedial first aid training, at least!~  
  
"Ought to put up a Wanted poster." Akane snorted and produced a guitar out of nowhere. "Hmmm. You know, i think something nearly *demanded* by this scene? Y'all join in. Audience participation section."  
  
Ranma-j blinked. Ranma-n stared. Genma-h winced.  
  
"Riding down a western trail,  
under skies of blue,  
swayin' in the saddle all day long,  
life will always be a song,  
Riding the range with you..."  
  
Akane stopped when her companions kept a blank look. "Y'all don't know that one, d'ye? How about something more upbeat:  
Come a tie-yi-yipee-ai-o,  
come along o' doodle-e-day,  
o-whoa- oh doodly yay,  
in old Oklahoma they tell of a land,  
that's famous for lizards and white diamond sand,  
they climb for their water and dig for their wood,  
on 10 million acres that ain't any good,  
Come along with me,  
to a land that is fair,  
where the ants and the grasshoppers nest in your hair,  
where they drink from the jug and they shoot from the hip,  
and they have lots of fun on the Cherokee Strip..."  
  
Akane stopped strumming. "Y'all don't know 'Riding The Range With You' or 'Cherokee Strip' eh? Well, we'll have a chance tomorrow at school maybe."  
  
"Maybe," agreed Jared.  
  
"Well, this here's my home, y'all c'mon in," Akane said, leading the three through the gates, under the sign that now read "Tendo Dojo and Livery Stable." Though the "and Livery Stable" was usually pried loose by Soun who didn't truck with the idea of "corrupting" the pure style of Anything Goes with such things. The gate had been redone and was now of a style more suitable for riding through, though it gave Kasumi some pangs as it was *not* Japanese.  
  
The three rode through, dismounted and Akane showed the native Ranma how to tie her mare to the hitching post that had been conveniently set up in their front yard. "We'll come out and set 'em up fer the night proper, but ah ain't rightly sure iffn Kasumi needs us ta go out fer a spell and pick her up some ingredients fer supper. We all'll go in an see, ah reckon."  
  
Native Ranma remained still for a moment and then guiltily turned her back and began to flip through the Pocket Dictionary of Old West Slang.  
  
The *other* redhead had gone over to the jackass, removed the pillow from the *other* jackass the horse-shaped one was carrying, and gave him a mighty slap with her hand on his rump. "Hey, paw!"  
  
The bellowing scream of pain could be heard clearly three blocks away over the noise of the raging Thundertank.  
  
The gorgeous girl smiled prettily at the man while holding the pillow to her chest. Inhaling, she bellowed. "Foolish boy! A TRUE Martial Artist is willing to regard any misfortune as training! The greater the pain, the greater the anguish, the more suffering and toil, the more pure his dedication to the Art."  
  
Genma glared at her rebelliously with petulant little eyes.  
  
Ranma-chan stared at all this, then snickered. "You got the tone just right. Oyaji, how many times have you told *me* that?"  
  
The Tendo household had sprouted eyes. Soun came racing out of the lower floor to embrace his dear friend, and ended up accidentally forcing him back against the hitching post where the wooden pole poked into his friend's hind end.  
  
Fishermen in the Sea of Japan looked up and wondered what that noise was, thunder?  
  
Soun hadn't noticed, and continued holding his dear friend as Genma began crying for some inexplicable reason. Well, Soun could join him! What a happy meeting it was!  
  
Nabiki removed her hands from her ears and waited for her hair to settle down. Leaning out of her window, she asked. "Hey Akane, who are your guests?" ~Could it be she's made some friends at this ranching stuff?~ Nabiki tried to ponder whether that was good or bad. Hopefully they didn't share little sister's "hobby."  
  
Kasumi was peering curiously out of the kitchen window drying a dish with a towel. She also was wondering, but concluded that Akane having friends couldn't be a bad thing if it made her want to go on living.   
  
Ranma-n was trying to untangle herself from the unfamiliar accouterments, having gotten her spurs caught on the rope that hung from the horse's saddle, and was now getting caught up in the hitching reins. Quickly she removed the spurs and tossed them aside on the grass, getting the rest of the mess swiftly untangled.  
  
Whimpering, Genma got Soun to release him and lowered himself to a seat on the nice, soft grass, intending to ask his friend for a pillow.  
  
Jets passing in and out of Hong Kong airport were shuddered in the unexpected turbulence of what sounded oddly like a bellow of pain.  
  
Genma was lying on his belly on the ground, crying softly into the lawn as Ranma-chan's spurs stuck out of a tender part of his anatomy. Ranma-j tossed the other two girls a wink. "Y'all know them there spurs gotta come out?"  
  
She was greeted by two nods. Akane smirked.  
  
The trio turned to surround the panda-man. Ranma-j leaned over to where she could see his face and remarked. "Hey there, paw! Ain't ya always tellin mah sister and me that REAL men don't ever cry?"  
  
Genma glared hatefully at her and Ranma-n snickered into full blown laughter. Akane took this opportunity to set her boot on the rump and yanked them spurs out!  
  
One Cosmonought turned to the other as their space station unexpectedly vibrated. {Did you feel that?}  
  
The other cosmonought shrugged. {Maybe something came loose? It sounded like a scream of pain. We should check the support struts.}  
  
Genma was blubbering softly on the grass, having yanked up double handfuls of it and twitching as he lay on his face. Soun was looking on, wondering what was wrong. Both Ranmas were feeling this warm glow of happiness deep in their hearts.  
  
Jared took off her hat, smoothed her long hair back out of her eyes and replaced the headpiece. Hands folded demurely before her, she bowed to Akane and shone brightly toward her. "Thank you for inviting us out to your ranch. We had great fun. We'd like to visit again, if we may. But for right now we've got relatives we have to see in the area."  
  
"We do?" Ranma-chan asked, only to get elbowed by Jared a moment later.  
  
"Sure." Akane mumbled, suspicious over why this Ranma was making an exit speech when they'd just got here. They weren't planning to bail this early, were they? What if she were here to get Ranma and Kasumi together? And relatives in the area? She hadn't seen *that* before. Well, except for that timeline where Ranma had been related to the Emperor (by a son that hadn't been there in other timelines three generations back, and tied to one of the upper rank families until Nodoka had defied her father by marrying Genma... oh dear.)  
  
Genma and Soun were both building up to questions, but the perky redhead smoothly turned them off that course by taking out of her purse a rolled up sheet of yellow paper, which she handed to Genma. "Mr. Saotome, I was picking up my reward for Wildhorn here when the saloon keeper gave me this to give to you. He said he'd never seen a man who could guzzle whiskey like you did and he wanted you to know that if you're interested you've got the job, said he'd never seen anyone more qualified." At Soun's prompting, Genma had unrolled the scroll of paper. Inside it read:  
  
---------EXPERIENCED VAGABOND WANTED---------  
for position as Town Drunk,   
Martial Arts Ranching Town.  
Must be disreputable and unsavory looking  
Able to remain drunk from noon until sundown  
Odious personal habits, drunken rants required  
Groveling necessary, but will train.  
Costume and liquor provided.  
  
Soun's eyes were round as he read with delight over his friend's shoulder. "Why, that's *you*, Saotome!"  
  
Gena was thoughtfully scratching his chin. "Liquor provided? Hmm, I wonder what the pay's like..."  
  
Kasumi and Nabiki, who'd come out to participate in the discussion, gave each other a glance that plainly spoke about their opinions to their father inviting a vagabond and a drunk over. And their fiance(s) were such a person's sons?  
  
Jared pivoted to take her sister by the hand as the two old men were distracted. "Come on, Ranko."  
  
"But I..." Ranma-chan stammered.   
  
Jared fought the urge to sigh and wished she'd taught this Ranma a little Battlesign. A simple 'Explanation after action' signal could be passed so easily here without arousing suspicion. As it was she had to lean close to whisper. "I was thinking we could go and find ourselves a couple of boys before we go where we have to be this evening."  
  
"WHAT??! NO WAY! I mmmmfrggghhh!" Ranma found her mouth interrupted by her "sister's" hand and a few whispered comments. Ranko's face spread wide and *beamed!* "Hey! I think that's a *great* idea!" She even summoned the will to giggle.  
  
Akane's face was flat with doubt. Something was up here, and it *wasn't* Genma's blood-alcohol level... yet, though from the way their parents were going over that poster the two would probably both show up together to apply. Too bad there was only one slot open, don't need any more than one Town Drunk, after all. Though Soun would probably get fleeced by Gambler (practitioner and Heir to the Old West Style Of Martial Arts Cardsharking.)  
  
Ranko and her sister were up on her stallion and riding away with waves of their hats before Akane realized that *she'd* been distracted by this job for Genma, too. Long enough for them to slip away at any rate.  
  
"So, Akane, you've got friends now. That's so nice!" Nabiki, the helpful and supportive sister that she was *trying* to become, was nonetheless suspicious.  
  
"Sort of," said Akane. She wouldn't bust their plans wide open. Though the temptation was to do so was quite strong. So instead she'd be a little less so. "Oy, Kasumi-oneechan. Their Dad's here so ah would expect yer fiance to be showin' right soon. Why don't y'all get that formal teaset ready?"  
  
Nabiki and Kasumi blinked at this, startled by Akane's solemn look.  
  
"On the other hand, ah'll be setting up a ritual in the backyard. Somethin' ah been thinkin' of for awhile." Akane winked and cocked her hat at a rakish angle. "Y' might do it up twice, after all, Nabiki might be gettin' engaged soon herself."  
  
"What exactly are you planning, Akane?" Nabiki asked her sister.  
  
"Well, sister, y'all know them clerical spells ah be castin' lately?" Akane smiled slightly at Nabiki's vigorous nod. "Well, one o' them is a curse removal spell, an' ah got's me a feelin' that if ah do it exactly right, it'll make a darn fine dowry for one of y'all."  
  
-----------  
  
*SHOOM*  
  
Jared smiled and put the Pokeball containing Wildhorn in a pocket. Typical of the Rival Relief Office tendency to scavenge timelines for handy little things that they could then use to address the dichotomy between their average power level and the level of missions/other agencies. He briefly wondered if the next youma he encountered could be shoved in one.  
  
Ranma disdained such things but kept an eye on them. You never know. Some of this stuff might be handy, though relying on them was obviously a weakness.  
  
Jared finished that, begged two cups of hot water from a vendor, and returned to the alley with Ranma. A double splash quickly followed.  
  
"Am I glad to finally get out of there!" Ranma was busily divesting himself of anything remotely female, though as he'd never acquired any to begin with this was a little hard.  
  
"I think what you really mean to say is that you're glad to be able to shuck the disguise, and I don't blame you." Jared said, as he made the switch between ladylike to masculine in everything from attire to actual fact, also disposing of Western gear in the process, getting into a more   
Chinese costume, similar to Ranma's. "And I don't blame you, it's unnatural and uncomfortable to be something you aren't."  
  
Ranma made a noise that more than backed that statement up.  
  
Jared was lacing the ties of his sandals up his calf. "But the way I understand it, there's a time share thing going on with our curse that will only allow us to spend half our time as our true gender. Since we've just put a day and a fraction into that other role, we ought to have a   
reasonably approximate time as ourselves before we become water magnets."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
One twin met the other's puzzled eyes. "Ranma, do you remember China? When we first *got* those curses we could hardly spend a moment out of them. It would rain or drizzle at the most unexpected moments, we'd get splashed by shopkeepers and water would seemingly come out of nowhere to get us. The curse is MAGIC! It doesn't obey normal rules. According to normal science, if a thing has a trigger you just fail to trigger that and you'll be okay. According to magic, if a curse says that you will spend half of your time female, then the trigger will appear all by itself to make sure that you get your time quota in. Being careful won't stop it, only more magic."  
  
"So what we gotta find is more magic." Ranma reasoned, flexing his muscled arm and enjoying the feel of being *him* again!  
  
"In martial arts there are a ton of special, esoteric maneuvers that just any counter won't stop, you've got to have the *right* one to do the trick. Rushing headlong isn't going to help any, and the only magic we've encountered so far is these curses. It seems likely there are more curses out there. So rather than get another one lets be careful, okay?"  
  
Ranma unconsciously tugged on the end of his pigtail, victim of a Dragon's Whisker Soup curse, and laughed self-consciously. One could see some of his heedless haste die.  
  
Jared stood up, now wearing standard Ranma silks in yellow and green, one of those wicker hats, and two swords that most people would automatically convince themselves couldn't *possibly* be sheathed in pearl, and it had to be white enamel. He flung the other Ranma a key to the apartment he'd just rented. "You go on ahead. That will break up the 'two leave together, two   
arrive together' connection, and make our disguise a little easier. Don't let Genma blow the whole secret, and you *know* he'll try to."  
  
"Huh? Why would he do that?" Ranma asked, honestly puzzled, catching the key one handed.  
  
Jared sighed, beginning to fit small objects into his sash where they would be concealed, yet ready. "Because, Ranma, he's going to get a wealthy retirement if he marries us off to that man you saw's daughters. He's in 'Sell out my sons' mode, and that means he's more his friend's   
ally than ours. Oh, tuck that key on the inside of your pigtail, would you? If you hide it anywhere else either Genma or Nabiki is going to get ahold of it and we'll have to change hiding holes."  
  
Ranma slipped the key into the appropriate hiding place and still looked puzzled.  
  
Jared only sighed and shook his head as he busied himself with other things. "Oh, Ranma. Just be on your guard when you get there, alright? Genma will try and turn you into a girl, they will *all* try and marry you to Akane, which you must avoid or catastrophe will result, and generally stay on your toes, okay? Trust me, you'll be glad if you did. If you go into that situation trusting Genma will be nice you're in for a few nasty shocks."  
  
The native Ranma looked skeptical. "Well, okay. If you say so." He hopped out of the window and was off, racing the two blocks to get there.  
  
Behind him Jared was waiting for a few (not many) moments, intending to get there about a minute after Ranma did and before they could hail him with two many questions he still wasn't clever enough to answer.  
  
Opening up a jewelry case, he selected a magic ring (a Ring of Utmost Weapon Harm, come to think of it) and slid it on the ring finger of his left hand, pausing a moment to admire it. "Heh. I'm sorry, but I can't get engaged, I'm already married."  
  
Then he began to apply putty to his face to reduce his good looks.  
  
-------  
  
Back at the ranch, errr, Tendo dojo, the residents had been plying their guest with food and comfort and now the old man was swaddled in cushions, just beginning to sip a cup of delicious tea as he lay prostrate by the table with his old friend.  
  
Nabiki was feeling a trifle rebellious, as the pillow that usually graced her behind was tucked in with the mass surrounding that town-drunk-to-be, and while Kasumi wouldn't mind ordinarily, going out of her way to make this disreputable type of man at ease was something she might well   
develop a facial tick over.  
  
"So Tendo," whimpered Genma when he'd recovered enough. My sons..."  
  
"Hey pops!" Ranma shouted, appearing in a leap over the wall of the yard. Dodging instantly to the side as Genma (who had feigned far more incapacity than he felt in order to achieve more solace) charged him with a bucket of water.  
  
"Foolish boy! Why did you run off and leave me like that? Are you a coward?" He began to cry false crocodile tears as he berated his offspring. "Or is it that I have FAILED!?! Both of my sons are willing to abandon their only parent. Surely I have failed to instill any kind of   
honor." He dropped the crying act and began to shout in Ranma's face. "Ranma! Running away from your responsibilities isn't... Urk!" The elder Saotome found it difficult to speak with his son's foot in his mouth.  
  
"Isn't too unlike you, pops." Ranma completed dryly.  
  
*Ding Dong*  
  
"That must be the front door. I'll get it." Nabiki was off, having beaten her older sister by virtue of not having been holding a pot of tea when the bell rang.  
  
The stranger at the door had his hat brim low so Nabiki couldn't see his face, but he asked her. "I take it this is the Tendo place? I trust Genma and my brother are already here."  
  
That was worth a moment of blinking. Nabiki cocked her head aside (trying to get a look under that hat) and asked. "Isn't Mr Saotome your father? Why do you refer to him by his first name?"  
  
"Because I do not respect him." Was her simple answer, as the head came up to reveal a boy not unlike Ranma in appearance, though something about that seemed out of place. Shrugging, Nabiki stood aside to let him in. In moments everyone was gathered around the dining room table.  
  
Genma, still enthroned as a king in all of the cushions available, cleared his throat and started. "My name is Genma Saotome, and these are my sons..."  
  
"Ranma Saotome." Ranma bowed from where he was seated.  
  
"Jared Saotome." supplied Ranma-j.  
  
"JARED?!" Akane yelped as if someone had branded *her* posterior.  
  
Jared merely raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure you're alright, Akane? You look a little Grey. Still it'll be a lovely Knight for Moonlight, wouldn't you say? Maybe that'll give you a little extra Serenity, then we can all go Scout out something to do. Maybe go Sailing, or I could show   
you gals Mercury or Venus. I don't know if we'd have the Time to do Pluto, but the Silver Moon is always nice." He snapped his fingers as if in discovery of a new thought. "Hey! I think they may even have that new Skysaber game in the arcade!" ~And if they don't, I can *add* it.~  
  
The look Akane shot Jared was full of meaning, one of which was active displeasure. ~He KNEW?! And still put me through all that? Damn elves!~  
  
Nabiki was disappointed. There went her chance to prove that she could be a nice supportive fiancee! One was an uncouth brute, and the other had lost serious points with her by his treatment of his father (though she had to admit, there was a decent chance that it was deserved) and was now coming onto her younger sister! Though Akane didn't look too happy about it.  
  
And she'd been hoping for cute, too.  
  
"Oops," said Akane, flipping a cup of iced tea towards Jared.  
  
"Clumsy of you," said Jared, catching then redirecting the cup with such skillful control that it caught all of its original contents and was set down nicely on the table without spilling a drop.  
  
"Oops, sorry about that." Akane shook her head with a glower toward Jared. "Well, y'all can git better acquainted while ah busy myself in that there kitchen."  
  
"So, son," Soun was preening. "It'll be my youngest daughter then."  
  
The boy mentioned took a calm drink from his glass of water (he didn't drink tea, and by so saying he lost points with Kasumi and was rapidly pacing himself out of this race - which he felt was all for the best, really). "Sorry, Mr Tendo. There's a very long list of things I'd rather do than marry Akane. It includes leaping from the tallest structure in Japan without any safety devices and being thrown in a cage of wild maneaters, and both of those are toward the *top* of the list. Arm wrestling with acidic slimes is down further but still on there, and I   
think she feels the same."  
  
"Y'all got *that* right!" Came a voice from the kitchen, accompanied by the momentary view of Akane's head, still appearing slightly furious.  
  
"Well, it's obvious," said Soun. "Akane is not well. That leaves two daughters. You have two sons. The solution is mandated by the Heavens themselves!"  
  
"Wouldn't work. I'm already married." Jared lifted his hand to show off the ring.  
  
"And just where is this wife of yours, boy?" Genma challenged. "We've been on the road. You've never even *met* anybody! And don't tell me you got married without my consent."  
  
"You could annul that." Soun nodded seriously toward his friend.  
  
Jared was sending out little sweatdrops. ~Ooops! Can't call on the wives, as they'd *nurse* me. Hmm, next course of action... Uh, help?~  
  
Ranma rolled his eyes and leaned back. "Nice try, bro."  
  
Akane's head popped out, a wicked gleam forming in her eyes. "Ah think i saw that in a fire readin'. Ain't there a little filly named..."  
  
Jared had a Silence 15' radius aimed at the kitchen before he realized he was still out of spell points.  
  
"...Ukyo Kuonji?" Akane finished.  
  
"SAOTOME! What is the meaning of this?" Soun began going to Demon Head.  
  
Akane saw this and wondered what would happen if she threw a few spirit wards at it. Hmmm...  
  
"Uhm, well, gee. I haven't heard from Ukyo..." Genma began throwing greasy little sweatdrops in all directions.  
  
Ranma unexpectedly gave Genma an out. "Ucchan? Isn't Ucchan a boy?"  
  
"That's right! So we can just go ahead and engage your daughters to my sons!" Genma finished.  
  
"This does not bode well," said Jared.  
  
"Yeah." Nabiki was beginning to think she was upset with this person. She checked her clothes, one of her favorite outfits- a two hearts sweater and some jeans that were tight where they did the most good. Yet she'd been dismissed like cafeteria food. "Very flattering." Or had her reputation preceeded her here as well?  
  
As much as it pained him, Jared could see that he wasn't going to succeed in this course of action, and was rapidly  
making enemies out of people he'd hoped to be friends with over the rest of his healing period. ~Time for a change in  
plans.~  
  
He looked around sheepishly. "I'm not going to get out of this, am I?"  
  
A chorus of shaking heads was his reply, including every member of both families. Except Akane, who had finished in  
the kitchen and was now out doing something with chalk lines and faintly glowing water in the yard.  
  
"Oh well!" He chirped. "It was worth the effort, anyway. Scuse me." He reached up to his throat and took hold of the  
skin there, starting by peeling that away, then tearing thefalse flesh mask off entirely.  
  
And Nabiki discovered the Cute requirement was **MORE** than fulfilled. A dozen times over and with change to spare.  
  
"Oh My." Soun choked, considering if he should perhaps engage *both* of his eligible daughters to this son.  
  
Kasumi was busy loosening the suddenly far-too-tight collar of her dress so she might breathe again to speak, though the   
flush traveling up from her neck to her hairline did a fair amount of speaking for her.  
  
Genma caught Ranma's collar as the boy tried sneaking out, as both were now used to what they might expect when females first saw Jared. Age didn't even seem to serve to provide any immunity, as proven by numberless shopkeepers and at least one 300 year old Amazon.  
  
Jared, who was more used to the reaction he received than they, eyed the door and considered escape, but it was too late.  
  
"Ranma," Akane called from the back yard. "i'm ready to try and remove your curse now."  
  
"Remove..." Jared said, distracted enough that he finished peeling off his mask without considering the effects of a 25 Charisma against a stay-at-home Japanese housewife or her slightly more jaded sister. Akane removing a hangnail level curse was difficult to believe. Grey? Powerful enough to budge a Jusenkyo curse?  
  
"...my curse?" Ranma finished. He'd never been as comfortable with the female form as Jared had been. Now this girl who'd been so nice to him was going to cure the curse?!  
  
"ah've been accumulating spell energies for this and casting divinations on what ah needed for a week," Akane said, her hair whipping around in a breeze that only seemed to affect her. "Get in that there circle and don't disturb the outer lines. This is the only shot ah got to do it."  
  
"...cured...?" Genma said, looking covetously at the circle the girl was indicating.  
  
"Waitaminute, even so, do you think you can do this?" Jared exclaimed. "Jusenkyo curses are equivelant to 7th level magic at least!"  
  
"As a Healer, my specialty is White Magic. Curses are Black. Now, Ranma - hurry. The amount of power i'm drawing is a difficult bronco for me to ride... All i ask is that you treat my big sister right."  
  
"She's talking normally," Kasumi noted, her hand going inside the apron pocket to the little bottle of pills she'd gotten from that doctor. "Well, mostly."  
  
Akane had started floating, head thrown back and eyes closed, the circle she stood in illuminated as if by a searchlight.  
"i whom am not worthy of thy power,  
naeless call upon it in this hour,  
angels of healing, angels of light,  
intercede that things be set aright,"  
  
Jared winced as he saw the sparks and flames begin erupting from her clothes. She was channelling more power than she was really able to handle. Obviously counting on the removal of the curse relaxing enough of the insanity that Ranma wouldn't feel as much of a need to prove he was a guy by being a jerk.  
  
"and the black threads now be unbound," Akane gasped as a plume of white fire built.  
  
Jared interposed himself between Soun and Akane when he saw the Tendo patriarch about to rush forward. "MISTER TENDO! Interfering now puts Akane in MORE danger. She's currently weaving a White Magic clerical magic that could easily burn her to ashes if you break the circle of light around her now."  
  
"Akane!" Kasumi winced, her own attention derailed from where she had been merely staring at Jared.  
  
"Ranma! Get in the circle!" Akane gasped and her back arched within what was now a nearly blinding pillar of light. "Decide which curse you want removed! Hurry!"  
  
"Which curse?" Ranma was puzzled and hanging just outside the circle that Akane had indicated.  
  
"You bear several black band weavings, curses. Genma has passed on to you the hereditary curse of male pattern baldness. The Dragon's Hair, Jusenkyo, the Cat Fist, a curse from a temple that your father stole from... ah! Certain other influences of your father fit... i can't unbind them alllllll." Akane's face twisted and she was obviously wracked with pain.  
  
There was a loud *CLANG!* and a certain large martial artist's sneaking towards the spot Ranma still hesitated to enter was interrupted.  
  
Nabiki lowered one of Kasumi's frypans and looked towards Ranma. "GET IN!"  
  
Ranma nervously got into the circle. "In that case, I choose..."  
  
===========  
  
Old West School of Martial Arts Ranching  
special manuevers: Rowdy Roundup, Tie Me Kangaroo Down Sport, Both Guns Blazing, Infinite Six Shooter, Boom Town, Little Homestead On The Prairie, Cowpoke, Cattlepunching, Better Than OK Corral, Git Along Little Doggies, Call In The Calvary  
  
and "Riding The Range With You" and "Cherokee Strip" are both old Singing Cowboy songs.  
  
Kasumi's voice: "Oh my, which curse will Ranma choose to have cured? Jusenkyo? Cat Fist? Dragon's Hair? unspecified curse? Male pattern baldness? Oh dear. Akane, your hair's turned white!"  
Akane's voice: "After *that*, you better treat my sister my right, Saotome! ?!? Whatta ya mean you choose ME?!"  
  
  
  
====================  
  
Third Labor: (prologue)  
  
Chapter 10 "Ghost Riders In Disguise"  
  
Disclaimer: y'all know this here stuff, that Takahashi owns Ranma and cast. That fella Skysaber wrote some of his parts, and that previous chapters can be found at http://www.fanfiction.net and that all this here writer's tryin' to do is provide some free reads for y'all with things that ain't quite so fenced in. So set right back, take a load off yer feet, as we take a quick visit down ta the Ranch...  
  
---------  
  
Akane had passed out as soon as the spell had finished, and currently lay on a futon.  
  
"Her hair turning white is temporary, an effect from channelling too much power." Jared shook his head. "She strained every resource she had."  
  
"Akane no baka..." Nabiki muttered.   
  
"She thought it *that* important," Jared mentioned, putting a hand companionably on Nabiki's shoulder. The middle Tendo was obviously having some trouble rearranging her priorities and dealing with the emotional rollercoaster her life had recently become.  
  
"So, son," Soun had left the unlit cigarette in his mouth. Knowing how Akane had been dead set against that habit, he'd been cutting back. As much as he could, which wasn't as much as Akane had wanted. "Which of my daughters will you marry?"  
  
"Akane..."   
  
EVERYONE (except for the passed out Akane) stared at Ranma. "Huh?!" was the general consensus.  
  
Akane merely frowned in her sleep.  
  
Jared went from staring to trying to suppress snickering. Elves do not snicker. They have more dignity than that. So Jared rolling around on the ground, making noises that sounded like suppressed laughter so hard he was shaking, well that must be something else altogether.  
  
"Oh my," breathed Kasumi. Akane had been MOST upset when the subject had come up earlier. Something to the effect of finding a nice jungle and living on a diet of bugs the rest of her life being preferable to marrying a guy. That in a choice between fulfilling 'wifely duties' and diving naked into a pool of pirahna, she'd choose to go swimming. She had been quite vocal on that.  
  
"Interesting," said Nabiki, shoving aside the beating her self esteem was getting again. "Why?"  
  
"Well, uhm," said Ranma, fidgeting. "She's got this smile. And she's a good cook. She obviously knows martial arts, particularly that ranching stuff. And, well.... her wrists are really tiny."  
  
"HUH?!" Astonishment was no longer sufficient. Boggling was necessary. Jared wondered, not for the first time, what kind of skewed value system Genma had inflicted on Ranma.  
  
Akane, unconcerned due to sleeping through this revelation, merely began snoring.  
  
--------  
  
Jared took the furo, changing to "Sherry" when rinsing off, and stopping with the rinse bucket still over her head when she heard the gasp. ~Well, so much for THAT secret. Unless I use the Xi Fang Gao Shiatsu technique.~  
  
A little storage closet that wasn't in all the Ranma timelines and was too small to be considered for a normal person had a door that was slightly ajar.  
  
Sherry locked the door in place, satisfied by the pained yelp from within. "Nabiki, Nabiki, Nabiki. WHAT am I going to do with you?"  
  
"...what makes you think this isn't Kasumi?" Nabiki's voice came from the tiny little cube.  
  
"She's giving Akane a makeover while Akane's unconscious. Yoga training, eh?" Sherry settled back into the furo, becoming Jared again as the hot water triggered the change. "That closet's barely big enough for an eight year old."  
  
"After seeing Mister Saotome (ouch) change during dinner, (eeek) my curiosity was aroused," admitted Nabiki. "You got evasive when I asked about curses. Figured... (uhmf) that if it were *that* bad, (aiiii) I needed to find (erk) out... Can I come out now?"  
  
Jared considered the ceiling. "No."  
  
"Aw, come on! You'd have done it too if YOU had strange people (erk) keeping secrets, (aggh) living in your home. (uh oh) Especially with Akane acting so crazy! (ahhhh!) and you know what's going on with her too!"  
  
Jared blinked. Admittedly those *were* good reasons. "What makes you think I know?"  
  
"You're that KAMI that showed up! Voice and inflection's the same. Akane's reaction to that statement you made, that comment about the hair! (ahhhhh!)" The door to the storage chest creaked as pressure was put against it.  
  
Jared brightened and reached for his pack, carried with him because he didn't want to deal with the effects of a certain panda finding things. Besides with his chi this low, doing the stuffspace techniques were tricky. THIS was a way of keeping Nabiki out of his hair until he could think more about it.  
  
"My arms and legs are asleep, my back's cramping, and I'm..."  
  
Jared wrapped a towel around himself, preparatory to removing the "Porta Wall" blocking the chest's door. What was the command phrase? Oh yes.  
  
"Pokeball Go!"  
  
---------  
  
Maerklos Trading Coster, City Of Waterdeep, Toril:  
  
"Hey, straw-boss, y'got someone waiting in the lobby fer ye!"  
  
Rigel Maerklos sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose, using the other hand to push away the ledger. "Well, truth be told, I could use the break. There are times when going back into dungeon-delving seems like less torture."  
  
"Y'might wanna do that scan-thingie before ye get there, y'honor. Somethin' not right about her." The man waggled his fingers in what was intended to look like a magical gesture.  
  
Rigel considered the old laborer for a moment, recognizing him as Stander - a fairly reliable if simple fellow. "It's considered impolite to mindscan someone without permission. And it's psionics, not magic."  
  
"As y'honor says," Stander said, bowing and leaving the office.  
  
The young businessman groaned again, stretching joints as he got up off the hard wooden chair. It wasn't as if many people understood the difference. His family did. A family of traders and entrepeuners specializing in all things magical. Magic and money sung in his blood, though he was the fourth son of the family and not nearly an heir. More so because he was a disappointment to the Maerklos line - someone who couldn't cast a spell if his life depended on it.  
  
On the other hand, at the moment of his birth, a whole *lot* of mages and clerics heard his birth cry - from miles away and through all sorts of barriers. Because he was not a mage and that baby had not used a spell.  
  
No, he was what they called a psionicist, a Truthseer. Or Mindbender. A Telepath.  
  
During his brief career adventuring, at the behest of an uncle who had thought it would make a real man out of him, Rigel had learned to use Telepathy, a shortsword, and a hand crossbow with some precision. Also the odd gift of Psychometabolism - though it was his telepathic abilities that remained his main strength.  
  
Getting up to where he could glance into the lobby brought a frown. As well as some concern.  
  
*Wisp, are you there?* Rigel Sent. Minds that he was used to contacting, that he was quite familiar with, he could link to with hardly any effort. A Telepath's familiars were completely different from the ones a wizard had.  
  
The reply was distant but the mental tone warm. *Rigel?! Ah, ye nae would believe the nonsense tha' the Mistress...*  
  
*Not now, my love.* Rigel braced against the flood of warmth and confusion that surged back through the link. It didn't take much imagination to picture her turning pink and stammering. *Do you see through my eyes? Any clue to the woman's identity?*  
  
*Ne'er seen her before, though she be lookin' familiar.* Wisp's mental voice grew thoughtful. *Ye best not be looking to be gettin' _too_ friendly wit' the lass, boyo!*  
  
*She looks powerful. Bet she's got Blackwands' attention and is registering on magic detectors across the city. I hope this isn't another adventure. I can talk to horses fine, it's riding them that really makes me uncomfortable.*  
  
There was a flash of alarm through the link, and Rigel knew that his short but feisty girlfriend would be showing up on his doorstep within minutes.  
  
Deciding he'd waited too long, Rigel sent a snippet of thought towards his moorhound and walked up to the woman. Champ was a lean fast hound who looked big and intimidating. Using telepathy to train Champ had also bolstered the dog's intelligence.  
  
"Now, Miss, how can I help you?"  
  
Red eyes regarded his own briefly. "You are not he. I have wasted my time here."  
  
"Huh?!" Rigel didn't usually put across befuddled but it took him a moment to come up with a rational framework for that comment. "Oh, bounty hunter?"  
  
"Something like that." Setsuna replied. She didn't go into details about investigating timelines to see if Grey had merged with one of his Analogues.  
  
She also didn't realize she had broadcast enough of that for Rigel to catch it.  
  
An old hand saw a flash of black and white and managed to open the door before Wisp could make a dramatic enterance.  
  
The dimunitive (4'10") elf girl in the dark armor was ready for a fight. "Okay, where is she? Where's this girl who's planning on taking MY RIGEE on some adventure?"  
  
There was some snickering at this. Wispara Deneuna was tiny by many standards, but acted generally like she was some massive amazon.  
  
But of Setsuna Meiou there was no sign.  
  
---------  
  
When Akane woke up, she *knew* there was something nobody was telling her. *What* was uncertain and she was still too drained to cast spells. There was something *more* alarming upon first awakening to occupy Akane's attention.  
  
Kasumi had dyed Akane's hair during the night, as the white hair had been simply horrible in Kasumi's estimation. And one thing had led to another... and she just *couldn't* leave a job half done, could she?  
  
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!"  
  
Akane looked up as the door burst open, bringing a panda, Jared, a sister, and Ranma-chan (THAT secret hadn't lasted long, just long enough for a panda to throw a certain boy in the fishpond) to observe...  
  
Akane. Trying to hide in her bedclothes.  
  
Jared, seeing the results and almost falling down. Not laughing. Nope. Not at all.   
  
"Go away..." came Akane's mumbled voice.  
  
"Akane, are you all right?"  
  
"Kasumi. i'll get even with you for this. i'm not sure how. i'm not sure when. But i'll find a way."  
  
Kasumi blinked, not used to being threatened. Nor seeing why.  
  
"Oh, come on, it can't be that bad," said Jared, whipping the bedclothes away from the huddled mound.  
  
Kasumi was still going ahead with trying to enforce Akane's femininity. It showed.  
  
Jared blinked and stared, then turned away and stumbled down the stairs. "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA..." Followed by the sound of someone falling the rest of the way down the stairs, then landing on the floor with a loud bonk and continued sounds of mirth.  
  
Ranma blinked and stared, then collapsed from nosebleed in a display that would have done Ryouga right proud.   
  
Akane eeeped and tried to cover herself.  
  
Kasumi had started with dying her sister's hair back to black. It hadn't quite worked, for whatever reason. Akane's hair was currently black with violet highlights. She'd then decided that Akane would look better with a little lipstick. Lipliner. Mascara. Eyeliner. A little blush. Manicure. Pink heart earrings. A black choker. A black teddy. Black lace stockings. Little silvery anklet in place to further offset the silk.  
  
"But, Akane, you look so cute like that," Kasumi opined.  
  
"BWAHAHAHAHAHA!" A fresh peal of laughter from downstairs.  
  
Akane looked like she was about ready to cry. Or go on a homicidal rampage. Or relocate to a rainforest somewhere. Or join a Tibetan monastery that didn't require her father's permission. The little bells on her anklet chimed as she moved. She considered fainting but that might just encourage Kasumi further. "Uhm. Excuse me, but... if everyone would leave. i REALLY need to change."  
  
When everyone had finally left, Akane realized they'd left Ranma. So she started dragging him off to his room. Unfortunately, he woke up, got another eyeful, and passed out with another nosebleed.  
  
Of course, if Akane had realized that she'd been engaged to Ranma, she might have just settled for throwing him out the window.  
  
And then moving to aforementioned monastery.  
  
----------  
  
It had taken Kasumi quite a bit of time to do that makeover on Akane. Especially when she'd discovered that Akane had apparently not been shaving and had rectified that oversight.  
  
Akane had scrubbed and otherwise done her best to remove it within fifteen minutes, but traces remained and Akane was trying to overcome a mood that was at least foul if not downright ornery.  
  
Kasumi, of course, still had no clue.  
  
"By the way, where's Nabiki?" Akane finally asked, in between periods of sulking interspersed with periods of glaring at a befuddled Kasumi.   
  
Jared's eyes popped. "Uhm... I think I hear her!"   
  
Akane blinked as Jared ran off to the side.  
  
*SHOOM!*  
  
"It's about time you... AHHHHH!" Nabiki's voice. Sounded startled.  
  
"We'll fix it later. We've got school soon." Jared, sounding slightly amused.  
  
Nabiki stalked in, flopping down at her accustomed space at the table. Then moving to get her tail out of the way.  
  
Akane cleared her throat and spoke in Elvish. "That was a Pokeball?"  
  
Jared raised an eyebrow and responded in the same language. "You've got an idea why it did that?"  
  
Akane nodded. "Sounds like data wasn't cleared from the last use. Don't forget Raphael built those fake units. Her pattern was corrupted, resulting in catgirl Nabi-Nuku."  
  
"Brings back memories?" Jared asked, trying to ignore the similarities between miso soup and warm salty spit.   
  
"No... should it? On second thought, i probably don't want to know." Akane shifted back to Japanese. "i know a way to remove that curse Nabiki. Look on the bright side, other than your tail and those fangs, you look normal. Oh, and you might want to sheathe those claws."  
  
Nabiki looked at the clawmarks she'd left on the table and whimpered.  
  
Akane frowned for a moment and pulled a small glass and wire brooch out of a pocket. "It might be easier to conceal it..."  
  
Jared looked at the primitive work. "Spelltrap?"  
  
"It'll hold the invocation long enough- about eight hours if i do this right. i'm pretty drained, but this much i can do..." Akane switched back to Elvish briefly. "Dragons can recover fairly quick, but it'll take me quite a period of sleep. And i don't trust Kasumi any more if i'm comatose."  
  
"Understood," said Jared, considering for the first time in his life making a Scroll of Protection From Kasumi, then privately boggling that anyone should even have need to consider it.  
  
Akane let out a long breath and held her hands over the bauble, the now-familiar stance stilling the other Tendos as they watched.  
"Cloak Of Belonging gather around,  
Masking now her sight and sound,  
So that by danger she's not found."  
  
Akane handed the brooch to Nabiki and promptly fainted, her head making a large thunk as it impacted the dining room table.  
  
"She'll be okay," Jared said, recognizing spell fatigue. "Nabiki, if you pin that brooch on, people won't notice the tail or ears."  
  
Nabiki snatched the brooch with speed beyond what she normally possessed.  
  
---------  
  
Nabiki (on Akane's horse, right behind her sister), Ranma (still not trusting the mare he was riding), and Jared (on a dang *big* horse) were riding to school. This, in and of itself, was sufficiently different from most universes to stand out. However, an added element was from Akane trying to cheer herself up.  
  
They were singing.  
  
And actually sounded good together. Even Nabiki, to her own surprise and delight.  
  
The choice of song was a strange one to be sure, but it was at least one that Jared knew. That was why Akane had chosen it. Well, that and it looked like a storm was coming.  
  
Akane began, her clear soprano ringing out across the streets.  
"An old cowpoke went riding out one hot and windy day,   
Upon a ridge he rested as he went along his way,   
When all at once a mighty herd of red-eyed cows he saw,   
A plowin' through the ragged skies, and up the cloudy draw."  
  
"Yip-i-kai-ay, Yip-i-kai-yooo, Ghost riders in the sky!"   
  
Jared Saotome took the next part, a fine tenor that made a nice contrast to Akane's voice.  
  
"Their brands were still on fire and their hoofs were made of steel.   
Their horns were black and shiny and their hot breath he could feel.   
A bolt of fear went through him as they thundered through the sky.   
For as he saw the riders comin hard, he could hear their mournful cry."  
  
Akane nudged Nabiki who started out reluctantly as they chorused.  
"Yip-ii-kai-yaaay, Yip-i-kai-yoooo, Ghost riders in the sky..."  
  
Jared *and* Akane sang the next verse.  
"Their faces were gaunt, their eyes were blurred,   
Their shirts all soaked with sweat,   
They're riding hard to catch that herd, but they ain't caught him yet.   
They've got to ride forevermore on the range up in the sky,   
On horses snorting fire... and as they ride, I hear them cry."  
  
Ranma reluctantly joined the chorus with the rest this time.  
"Yip-ii-kai-yaaay, Yip-i-kai-yoooo, Ghost riders in the sky..."  
  
Nabiki read the paper Akane handed her, only stumbling once as she sung. Oddly enough, because the verse seemed to concern HER and her recently developed fears.  
"And as the riders loped on by he heard one call his name,   
If you want to save your soul from Hell a ridin on the range,   
Then cowboy better change your ways or with us you will ride,   
Trying to catch the devil's herd... across the endless skies."  
  
"Yip-ii-kai-yaaay, Yip-i-kai-yoooo, Ghost riders in the sky..."  
  
There was much staring as the three horses and riders pulled into the schoolyard.  
  
"Fess, y'all get Ranma's horse to the Ranch, y'hear?"  
  
*SHOOOM!* Jared held out a Pokeball and returned Wildhorn to storage.  
  
Ranma looked around. "Hey! Where's Nabiki?"  
  
Jared grimaced, fished out the Pokeball for Wildhorn, returned him, then released Nabiki from HER Pokeball.  
  
Nabiki staggered a bit. "Please don't do that."  
  
"Could be worse," pointed out Jared.  
  
"Meow," said Nabiki, her ears flattening.  
  
Jared made a note to throw Nabiki a catnip mouse later and see how she reacted.  
  
"Hey, Akane, will you be making that dessert again?"  
  
"It's called a dutch apple pie, Yuka." Akane smiled and tipped her hat. "Sure, if y'all want some, i can whip up a batch during home ec.  
  
"They're not all avoiding you?" Jared was a little surprised.  
  
"Well, they're not happy with the lifestyle, and MOST are keeping their distance," said Akane, "but since Akane's grades in English, Home Ec, and Swimming went up they've been slowly beginning to speak to me. *Especially* after i started showing new recipes to the teacher that didn't have the effects of the old Akane's cooking."  
  
"Such as?" Ranma got a little closer. His fiancee was a really good cook?  
  
Akane shivered at some odd chill but nodded. "Firecracker chicken, lemon chicken, did ya know that i can't find *any* turkey 'round these parts? Found a crockpot and gimee a couple days and i'll make a spaghetti sauce that'll knock your socks off. Roast garlic potato soup. Dutch Apple pie. Heck, they didn't even know how to make smores 'round here! So's i showed the teacher i could make the dang sugar cookies, then rustled me up a fine plate of grub that was considered downright exotic by local standards. Teriyaki beef. If ya crockpot the meat in water and diluted sauce for a couple days, the meat gets all tender and the flavor cooks all the way through - but ya knew that, right?"  
  
Jared nodded. Ranma wondered what a crockpot was. Nabiki looked thoughtful as she made her way to class.   
  
They reached the classroom long before the bell rang.  
  
---------  
  
One of the thugs was tall and thin as a rail. "So, boss, what we gonna do, what we gonna do?"  
  
Black Bart twiddled his long thin moustache and grinned evilly, his black cape fluttering in a breeze that hadn't been there a moment ago. "Patience. Our revenge on Akane Tendo will be accomplished soon. Everything must be in its proper time and place."  
  
The other thug was short and almost round. "Why not just hit 'em now?"   
  
*BONK!*  
  
Black Bart shrugged as he removed the gavel from the thug's head. "Because, Okie. It's the Code Of The West." He noted that his two subordinates had followed his lead, doffing their hats and holding them over their hearts while looking solemn. An errant beam of sunlight broke through the clouds to bathe them.  
  
Oklahoma nodded after a moment. California smiled. He loved dramatic moments. That's why he was one of the Dozen Thieves. Besides, it beat working at Quickie-Mart.  
  
"If she don't sign me over the deed to her Ranch, or dojo, we'll have to get..." Black Bart paused dramatically, "...creative."  
  
"Should we use the sawmill, the abandoned mine with the explosives, staked out for the cattle stampede, or..." California nodded his head towards the building nearby.  
  
"Yes," said Black Bart, his teeth gleaming in a quick grin. "That should do nicely."  
  
The muffled figure of Sancho Pablo Juan Enrique Martinez Esteban Villalobo III (also known as Oregon) came running up. "Hey, there's a couple of guys applying for the town drunk position!"   
  
"Two?" Black Bart snickered. "Only one Town Drunk's needed. What's the other going to try for, the Sherriff position?"  
  
Everyone looked momentarily startled at the thought. That WOULD be typical, wouldn't it?  
  
"Well, we ought to go make the acquaintance of this hombre, shouldn't we?" Black Bart tipped his hat back. "Let's mount up, we gotta ride."  
  
--------  
  
Gosunkugi watched. There was his Akane. They'd not driven her insane, he knew that.  
  
No, he would save her. For he knew the TRUTH. One of his spells had gone wrong. It had combined with the effects of the Chem Club's pepper bomb and somehow had turned dear sweet (though violent and monomaniacal) Akane into a... whatever she was.  
  
It had taken all of his money to afford it, and he'd even sold some of his precious picture of the pre-bomb Akane to help, but he had the ticket to bring back the old Akane.  
  
And then she would be his.  
  
--------  
  
Sitting Pretty, a handsome woman in her late 30s, was the defacto sensei of the Old West style of Martial Arts Indian Wrestling. (Her husband, Chief Daikawa Bungo, had passed on long ago while trying to master the legendary technique "Ghost Dance" - unfortunately Bungo had two left feet...) Her son, the almost terminally shy Plenty Bull, was the designated Heir.  
  
"Plenty Bull shall marry Akane," Sitting Pretty said, passing the pipe to Soun who grabbed the tobacco product with all the force of a deprived addict.   
  
"...but she's already engaged to Ranma, the Houses must be joined," said Soun in between greedy puffs.   
  
"Do you not have other daughters who may fulfill this pledge?" Sitting Pretty inquired, placing a few coins in a single neat stack on the table.  
  
"...Now, Soun, old buddy. You *do* have two daughters who could do!" Genma eyed the coins greedily, though his drunken blur made it a little difficult to count how many coins there actually were in that pile. Or was it two piles. Damn that "rotgut" was strong... what did they call it? Whiskey! That was the strange term. Good stuff though.  
  
"Unnnnn," said Plenty Bull, happy that things could be so amicable.  
  
"Yes, I suppose you're right, Saotome. Both of you." Soun had only had half a bottle to Genma's two. His first jolt of the stuff had numbed his throat and curled his moustache. Then he'd made the mistake of coughing up little sprays of the drink while leaning close to a candle. This nice lady had informed him his moustache would grow back in a couple of weeks. Still once she'd seen how crazy Akane was, Soun was sure she'd drop it.  
  
"Though seeing how popular Akane is, maybe you should make it a contest. Winner gets Akane." Genma thought this was clever. Ranma would win, Akane would be grateful about being rescued from marrying Grunting Mountain or whatever his name was, and the Houses would be joined!  
  
Wyoming, one of the Dozen Thieves, used his "Dirty Sidewinder" stealth manuever to leave his place of concealment. The Boss needed to know about this!  
  
-------  
  
For absolutely no reason, Akane shivered. Must be a side effect of the vitamins Kasumi insisted she take at every meal.   
  
"Something wrong, Akane?" Yuka asked, concerned. Akane wasn't acting normal, but at least she was stable and not suicidal. She'd decided a few days ago to try to be friends with Akane again and see if she could help Akane recover from her ordeal. Of course, she'd also discovered something in that time.  
  
"Just felt like something terrible is going to happen," Akane glanced towards the window. "You know, that feeling of 'looming impending doom' like..."  
  
"Like when Kuno's getting up to give a speech?" Yuka supplied playfully.  
  
Akane actually smiled at that. "Yeah, something like that."  
  
"So, how did you..." Sayuri gestured at the mountains of pies, cakes, cookies, an orange glazed duck, and where a pot of tea was now steaming on the oven.  
  
"Martial Arts Cooking, a subdiscipline within Martial Arts Housekeeping." Akane eyed the mound a little uncertainly herself. "Guess i just started going on automatic and..."  
  
"Something you learned in a previous life?" Yuka guessed.  
  
"What is *that* supposed to mean?" Sayuri eyed her longtime associate. If the madness was spreading was something bizarre going to happen to HER now?  
  
"I listened. Akane's made several references over the past week to skills like that shrine priestess stuff that she's picked up in 'previous lives' - when it all clicked." Yuka nodded, watching Akane carefully. Akane *used* to be able to do a decent "poker face" but since the bomb had become *very* easy to read. And Akane had never lied, not to her friends at any rate.  
  
Akane looked back, uncertainty and a touch of fear there. "So you know?"  
  
Yuka nodded. "Hey, I may not be a juku student, but I'm not an idiot. You have trouble remembering a lot of things Akane used to know off the top of her head, but manage to do them easier when you're distracted. What I want to know, is Akane still in there?"  
  
"Yes. i thought she was dead. Instead she's apparently in a coma, late effects of the bomb, taking too many antihistamines at once, and drowning in the bathtub." Akane sighed, both glad that the secret was out and nervous about this. Would she be shunned again now that someone knew? It had been getting nicer, "Akane's" newfound skills at cooking had been a draw, while the boys had largely still been afraid that hitting on her (literally or figuratively) would bring the suicidal Akane back.  
  
Yuka nodded, having put together comments over several days. "And you can't get out on your own?"  
  
Akane's eyes widened. Was Yuka a telepath in this timeline?   
  
Yuka nodded, "Akane's" expression giving answer enough. "That's pretty much what I figured. Hmmm. What's this stuff called?"  
  
"Raspberry cupcakes... you're taking this awfully well." Akane had expected screams, wooden stakes, crowds of torchbearing Nerima citizens, any number of things. One of Akane's friends nibbling on a cupcake was NOT something she had anticipated.  
  
"I've been watching you," said Yuka between munches, "we share classes. I've been around that temple you've been working at. Even that study session we had Friday. Akane would never have been embarassed and refused to look at the girls in the locker room. My goodness, I was wearing a t-shirt when I tried to talk to you on Friday and you still turned red and wouldn't even look in my direction. I have trouble picturing a demon of some kind getting embarrassed just because I was flashing my legs. Heck, even most guys would have just enjoyed the view."  
  
"...it wouldn't be right..." mumbled Akane, just the memory causing a blush.  
  
Sayuri finished freaking out. "I *missed* all that?"  
  
Yuka preened. "Guess reading all those Encyclopedia Brown novels finally paid off. But that does leave one mystery."  
  
Akane blinked, impressed. "What's that?"  
  
Yuka gestured. "What are you going to do with all this food?"  
  
----------  
  
Jared blinked as the Junior Home Economics class just prior to the Seniors lunch period brought out staggeringly huge amounts of mainly Western style food.  
  
"Looks like Akane's did it again," said Hiroshi to Daisuke as he passed by the space near a tree that Jared had staked out. That they were Juniors and should be in Tetsuhara's Study Hall was ignored, at least by them.  
  
"Damn, have you tried this 'Firecracker Chicken'?" Daisuke responded, his voice muffled by the amount of food crammed in there.  
  
"Mrrrrrr?" Nabiki purred and rubbed her cheek against Jared's chest. The experiment: "what would happen if Nabi-neko were presented with a small amount of catnip" had been irresistable. Jared scratched the catgirl in his lap behind one ear and stroked her back with long even strokes, and was rewarded by a rumbling noise that shouldn't have been humanly possible. Well, that and a Prefectural Magical Catgirl that was sort of bonelessly slumped across his lap.  
  
True to the effects of the brooch and the "Cloak Of Belonging" spell, people were commenting on Nabiki seeming unusually affectionate or that Nabiki had *finally* found a boyfriend and maybe now people didn't need to fear the blackmail of the mercenary and heartless IceQueen anymore.  
  
Jared spared a glance at the contentedly purring Nabiki as she mewed and rubbed a cheek against his stomach. IceQueen? What IceQueen? He didn't see any IceQueen here. No sign of a heartless mercenary either...  
  
"Well, isn't this something," commented Akane as she approached with a tray full of...  
  
"Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou. Gimmee!" Jared could eat rice, miso (shudder), and a number of other foods native to the region. Being presented with the scents of four quarter-pound cheeseburgers and a small mound of fries that seemed awfully thick and coated with some powder. "You *bake* French Fries?"  
  
"With some spices, yes. Frying them gives you horrible amounts of cholestorol. Besides, after an accident earlier this year, Akane isn't allowed near the deep fryer." Akane held a fish biscuit in front of her sister and waited for the catgirl to take it. "Nice to see she's adapting."  
  
"Catnip cures a *world* of feline ills," explained Jared. "Almost looks like she's learned the Catfist. She's been rubbing up against me. Scent glands in the forehead and cheeks have marked me as her territory. Which is terribly In Character for her, don't you think?"  
  
"Yeah well, she's Nabiki. Just has feline mannerisms now. Not too bad. She was going through a lot of angst and such prior to this. Whereas she certainly looks happy with the way things turned out. Oh, gotta get going. THEY think that all this food would go to waste. i explained we have the Seniors and Juniors. And that there's Ranma. Also that any of the girls can strike up a conversation with the boy of their choice by presenting them with some excess food." Akane shrugged. "Speaking of which, i see Ranma. All i should need to do is point him in the right direction."  
  
Jared watched Akane go, ignoring as best he was able the catgirl happily munching a fish shaped biscuit that was still in his lap. Then his Elven hearing pricked as he heard two girls talking.  
  
"Yuka! How can you trust her? She's possessed Akane!"  
  
"He. And..."  
  
"HE?!" Sayuri covered her mouth as she realized how far that had carried. "B-b-but..."  
  
"Like I've said, I've been watching. She's really uncomfortable being a girl. Doesn't like it at all. Just going to the bathroom embarrasses her. Even a week later. That's why I thought maybe it wasn't intentional."  
  
"She... he... arghhh. IT possessed Akane by accident? How the hell do you accidently possess someone?!"  
  
"Sayuri, hush." Yuka held up a finger and looked smug and the two started whispering in a lower voice that even Elven hearing couldn't pick up without a spell.  
  
"So someone else's figured it out," said Nabiki as she stretched.  
  
"You knew?" Jared raised an eyebrow. ~Trust Nabiki to put together the pieces of a puzzle.~  
  
"That's not the whole answer though. It's not just this fellow, it's my sister in there too. Expressions, odd little habits, body language. I never completely bought Kasumi's explanation. And that girl couldn't conceal what she's feeling if her life depended on it."  
  
Jared nodded. "You feeling better now?"  
  
"Better than I have in quite some time," Nabiki admitted as she lazily flicked her tail. "Well, I'm going to class before the bell rings. You coming?"  
  
"Just a moment," Jared began munching in true Saotome fashion. No point in letting food go to waste, after all.  
  
---------  
  
The classes had ended and school was at a close when four youths were approached by a single other.  
  
Jared shifted his balance slightly on seeing Tatewaki Kuno on an intercept course. A good fight. Just what was needed.  
  
"Is this true?! Akane Tendo, please tell this noble samurai that the scurrilous rumors flying about are correct?"  
  
Akane blinked. "Which rumors are those?"  
  
"That you are once again interested in the male gender, pursuing the correct sort of relationship for a beauteous (if bizarre) young maid such as yourself." Kuno appeared to be weeping in joy at the thought.  
  
Akane blinked again. "*Where* did you get an idea like that?"  
  
"This engagement you have to this Ranma Saotome!" Kuno turned to Ranma. "Ah, bless you, for bringing the fair maiden back to the proper path!"  
  
"B-b-b-b-b-but..." Akane spluttered.  
  
"Well, uhm, thanks man." Ranma tugged at his pigtail and looked embarassed.  
  
"B-b-b-b-b-but..." Akane continued, her face turning pale as she started twitching.  
  
*Snort, chortle, snicker.* Jared's calm and dignified Elven poise was in danger of crumbling away entirely. Not that he was laughing. Nope-nope-nope.   
  
"I approve. I approve most heartily," Kuno exclaimed.  
  
"B-b-b-b-b-but..." Akane repeated, her face a mask of horror and mind shut down from the shock and nausea.  
  
"Aw, she's speechless," teased Nabiki, unable to resist. "They make such a cute couple..."  
  
"B-b-b-b-b-but..." Akane considered fainting. ~This can't be happening. Please let this not be happening.~  
  
A smoke bomb exploded. Nabiki hissed. Jared reached for his Nerd Toy. Ranma coughed a lot.  
  
"B-b-b-b-b-..." Akane's voice abruptly cut off.  
  
As the smoke cleared, Black Bart twirled his moustache from atop the school wall. "Nya ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Akane Tendo Will Be Mine!"  
  
"We'll see about that," Jared said, leaping to the chase. After all, a villain needed pummelling. Just what he needed after a truly boring class in Japanese History. Who the blazes *cared* who Ieyasu's son's third mistress' grandchild was?!  
  
Ranma gradually stopped coughing.  
  
"Daddy?" Nabiki and the crowd of Furinkan youths looked on the man in a brown gi walking up with a panda.  
  
"It's true," Soun said. "The agreement is that whoever rescues Akane gets the Deed To Her Ranch as well as marries Akane. Ranma, we're counting on you!" ~So much so that we've got a priest on standby to perform a quick ceremony.~  
  
"Hey, who says I want to get..." Ranma ate dirt as he was suddenly being stepped on by a large crowd of youths who had sampled her cooking. Besides, each knew in THEIR heart that all Akane needed was someone like themselves in order to be healed of her mental aberrations.  
  
"So, Akane will marry whoever rescues her," said Gosunkugi. First he'd get rid of the demon, then Akane would be HIS!   
  
"Yes," agreed Soun a little uncertainly.  
  
"Yeahhhhhhhh!" The crowd of boys raced out the gates. They had no idea where to look, but little facts like that couldn't stand in the way of love. Or lust. Or the true Hell that was "Akane's" life.  
  
--------------  
  
Shan sped in and finally penetrated the blue-haired girl's defensive fields.  
  
Sakyo took the android's head in her hands, got a partial download, then transferred data to Shan.  
  
The Ifurita unit broke the hold and with a snarl turned to destroy the Ukyo-clone.  
  
Shan blew it apart with a small gesture. "That's four less of the evil units."  
  
Sakyo nodded with a happy noise. "Master will be *so* pleased."  
  
--------------  
  
Ranma ran, not that he was really interested in getting married. No, not at all. But Akane was HIS fiancee and he wasn't gonna let any of those hentai touch her! "No way!"  
  
Jared ran. There was a villain to beat severely on. JUST what he needed. Akane? Well, Akane probably didn't need rescuing. No doubt she had them right where she wanted them. The problem was, where would Black Bart have taken Akane? Of course, if he had known of Soun's proclamation, he might have stayed at the school.  
  
Tatewaki Kuno ran. Now that Akane was able to appreciate men again, it was time for him to accept her adoration. For how could she resist him now? And once he had captured the maid, he had parental permission to wed her! "I'm coming my love! Though all the forces of Hell may seek to bar me!"  
  
Nabiki ran. Or it may be more correct to say that she leapt, and ran, and climbed. She'd changed from her unflattering and unpractical school uniform to a pair of tight shorts and a tight shirt. She was also determining that there was a lot of FUN to be had after her transformation. Making twenty foot leaps, running at speeds well in excess of anything she previously could have attained on a bicycle, these were all a heady rush of power. Every so often she'd come to a stop, sniff the air, and listen. Jared would be HER fiance. Or maybe if she could get him over the Akane obsession, Ranma. She HAD to rescue Akane before any of them or a hentai did since she was about the only one out there to rescue her sister that wouldn't end up marrying her.  
  
Kasumi stuck close to the priest. Akane would be getting married soon! And then there would be children, and Akane would get over her little mental aberrations.  
  
The priest asked for the fortieth time where the sake was.  
  
Soun cried. His little girl was getting married! (Happy tears!) His middle daughter was a catgirl! (Sad tears!) His eldest daughter had hidden the sake! (Despairing tears!) His old buddy had gotten the job as Town Drunk! (Envious tears!) And Soun himself had gotten a job as a Saddletramp but apparently it was only a few hours a week and didn't carry nearly the benefits. (Ambivalent tears!)  
  
The horde of hormone crazed boys were each convinced of a single thing: only himself was allowed to approach the beautiful and delicate (if insane and weird) Akane Tendo. Each individual was convinced that he was capable of taming that shrew, of returning her to normality, and that he alone was capable of keeping up. Everyone knew that violent girls were really really passionate in bed. Or at least that was what Daisuke had said before his "accident". Each had an image of the smiling bride beside him, and most had the idea of screwing her brains out as a method of returning her to normal. That this wouldn't work had absolutely no impact on them, after all. They were teenagers.  
  
Ryoga Hibiki scratched his head and wondered where the heck he was and since when was there a desert in Japan?  
  
Plenty Bull... well, he didn't run. He *couldn't* run. If he wasn't darker skinned and hairier, he would have been mistaken for some guy named Umibozu or "Falco" - he had trouble fitting through doorways, and trying to get him inside a little Japanese car was futile. So Plenty Bull lumbered through the Ranch area, as quickly as a nine foot tall, six foot wide, heavily muscled mix of Ainu and Amerind (Comanche) boy could. He knew that Akane was just the sort of girl he needed. Nice, cute, fairly intelligent... and she was tough enough that if he hugged her she wouldn't go squish. (Something that figured in his nightmares regularly.) And while he was nearly terminally shy, Plenty Bull was also the affectionate sort and could picture lumbering off into the sunset with his wife (sitting on one shoulder).  
  
Chaos, by its nature, does not require a recipe. All one needs are the ingredients, which were in place.  
  
---------  
  
"...Do you, Black Bart - Heir to Old West School Of Martial Arts Villainry, swear on your larcenous and scoundralous heart to take this here woman as your lawfully wedded wife. To slap your brand on here filly. To have and hold her, to dominate her in a proper manner, and to..."  
  
"Yes, yes, I do and all that." Black Bart twiddled one end of his moustache.  
  
"And do you, Akane Tendo, take this scalliwag to be your lawfully wedded husband? To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, to obey and follow his villainous orders, to be loyal unto him above all others..."  
  
*Ding Dong!*  
  
More than a few wondered when the proprietor of the Acme Warehouse had installed a doorbell.  
  
The Dozen Thieves looked up from their ambush positions. Standing behind the half built wall of barrels his station would be concealed behind and where he was to man the trap door lever, Wyoming leaned out and hissed. "Could be we got a hero coming!"  
  
Black Bart straighten up from where he'd been going over the ceremony with the Justice of the Peace who was going to hitch him and the damsel in distress. "Couldn't be." He remarked, twirling his mustache for effect and glancing from a clock to where half of his Dozen Thieves were still assembling the Great and Triumphant Final Trap and Escape Route where he and his new bride would be whisked away simultaneous as the party of rescuers were dropped in a pit of crocodiles. "It's still *far* too early. Have them wait and come in later."  
  
The door to the hideaway cracked open and a black, ten gallon hat obscuring all features the scruffy beard didn't poked in. "Scuse me, have I got the right place? I'm with Masterminds Quarterly, and we're doing a survey of all of the unrecognized geniuses in villainry." The hat (presumably attached to a man, though it was hard to tell as with beard, hat and chaps it was impossible even to tell what color shirt he was wearing, or if he was wearing) moseyed on into the hideout. "Are you Black Bart? Well, iffn you are yer in luck, as you're the top of our list! Could you take a moment out of your devious and poorly-recognized schemes to grant a small interview for our readers?"  
  
The master villain stroked his long mustache thoughtfully while his damsel in distress struggled against her bonds. "Mmrff!" Keeping in mind that she likely knew the Old West Style of Martial Arts Special Manuever "Call In The Calvary" or something similar, and that her strength was considerable, she had first been wrapped in a thick rope (using the Old West Villainry Rope Technique - Distressed Damsel slipknot), then a set of chains, gagged, and finally the whole mass had been tethered to a support beam.  
  
The stranger pulled a list out of where hat met chaps. "We've got a list here of all the stages worth holdin' up, trains worth robbin', and cattle what needs rustling in your area for the next year, as compensation iffn y'all is interested. 'Course iffn you've got other tastes we can send more'n a few lowbrow scoundrels who're lookin fer a good leader yer way as henchfolk."  
  
Black Bart tossed an elegant eyelash upward in a refined gesture of villainy. "You wouldn't, by any chance, happen to be here to rescue this maiden, would you?"  
  
The black hat shook calmly back and forth. "Nope, and I ain't lying neither." The hat was removed and held over the heart to reveal a much shorter individual still hid behind a beard and scruffy hair. "It'd be against The Code of The West."  
  
Several henchpeople held their hats over their hearts in a similar gesture of respect to the phrase. Black Bart himself touched his heart and looked skyward a moment, while Akane still struggled and bounced by the spot she lay bound.  
  
"'Sides," the ten gallon hat got replaced, again concealing all trace of a head. "I see ya'll got a weddin' going on and wouldn't want ta interrupt."  
  
Black Bart nodded. "Yes, well, I've taken a fancy to the young thing here. 'Sides it's proper villainry to take her off to her honeymoon while the heroes are facing my deathtraps."  
  
Akane had stiffened in fright, and now resumed wildly thrashing while the figure of Sancho Pablo Juan Enrique Martinez Esteban Villalobo III (also known as Oregon) stood nearby practicing a high-squeaky imitation of her voice saying "I do."  
  
The ten gallon hat over a pair of ridiculously high chaps moseyed on over and sat on the maid in question, producing a notebook and stylus. "So, like was sayin', ain't no way *I'm* gunna rescue her. So why don't y'all tell me about some o yer nepharious deeds?"  
  
"Hey, boss?" California pointed out, shoving a finger in the stranger's direction. "A piece of paper dropped out of his pocket right where the girl can see it!"  
  
"True enough." The stranger allowed, moving slightly so as not to be suspect or in the way as Black Bart snagged the offending slip of paper.  
  
The villain read it and waved it about. "So what does, 'Spirit Ward, Yes or No' mean?" He glanced down and frowned to see his victim still rapidly nodding.  
  
The stranger was unmoved and stoic. "Left over from an interview I had just yesterday with an evil necromancer. Wanted to know if these here thangs would stop the undead and what to do about 'em iffn they did. See these?" A slip of paper was pulled out of that mystifying zone between hat and chaps, then a hand smoothed the ward across its own hat in the general vicinity of where a forehead should be. "Can be a big problem with magical villains, heroes carryin 'em everywhere they go and putting ta stop months of work. No harm to 'em iffn ya got no curses er spells fer 'em ta unravel. See?" The same hand slapped a second one onto Oregon's face. "Y'all there have any mysterious need ta do good er repent o yer wicked ways?"  
  
Oregon frantically shook his head, and the stranger calmly pulled the ward off again. "See? And they come right off as well. Ain't no more harm to em than that is what I was sayin', lest yer a necromancer."   
  
"Evil Necromancer?" Black Bart grinned. "That wouldn't happen to be Haiti Largo, would it?"  
  
The hat nodded.  
  
"Well, if'n you see 'im again, tell him old Bart says howdy!" Black Bart tipped his hat, considerably more at ease now. "That old voodoo hoodoo ain't done an honest lick a' work in his life. An inspiration, he is."  
  
The stranger stood up again and pocketed the notebook, accidentally spilling half a hundred of the wards out of his pocket in the process. "Ooops. Well, no one oughta notice the mess. Look here, yer a busy villain and here I is interrupting a good clean plot with mah ceaseless prattle. I'll come back when y'all've got them heroes in the dungeon and can tell me of yer success."  
  
And with that, the stranger moseyed on out of their lives, with the deed to Akane's ranch in his pocket. Akane was now struggling frantically not to be noticed as she attempted to wiggle so she could slam her head down onto one of those wards.  
  
Black Bart sighed deeply. "Oregon. Start sweeping up all this trash. If there's one thing I can't abide, it's a villainous lair that looks more like a pig sty."  
  
*SHING!*  
  
A single weapon slammed down from the shadows, cutting through a loop of rope. Akane spit the gag out without hesitation and called out a quick spell.  
"Allies come ye to my side,  
Now tis time to turn the tide!"  
  
"Oregon, replace her gag," ordered Black Bart, then whirled about as...  
  
a calvary bugle could be heard in the distance.  
  
Then a figure, masked and dressed entirely in black, dropped from the rafters.  
  
-----------  
  
Jared sat back with a smirk, waiting for Akane to wander in after having freed herself.  
  
He *hadn't* expected this!  
  
Akane was rather groggy and so the handsome bishonen started explaining what had happened.  
  
The young hero type (dressed in a similar manner to Zorro) had come to the Ranch because of a letter sent by Akane last week. He had followed a suspicious looking character to the warehouse, then attacked when it was obvious that these were indeed villains.  
  
A fight had broken out while the Calvary rode in, and when those worthies joined in it became a general brawl. Especially as Plenty Bull, Tatewaki Kuno, and a number of hentai boys had apparently also found the warehouse at that time.  
  
Apparently Akane had still been wrapped in ropes and chains when a five hundred pound barrel of "Old Fireball" brand whiskey had been knocked down onto her. It had travelled a good twelve feet in its fall, with predictable results.  
  
The damsel had found herself flattened and drenched in a sort of "whiskey" that made a darn good paint remover. Then she'd rolled, still encased in ropes and chains, into the alligator infested pit. Many of said alligators having died just from the fumes coming off Akane at that point.  
  
"OoooOOOO. Gimmeee a Coney Island special, Ed. i'm having a baaaaaad day," announced Akane.  
  
Soun approached his daughter, and absent-mindedly lit a cigarette.  
  
*BOOOM!*  
  
The Zorro bishonen stepped over to Akane and kindly patted out the fire in her hair before everyone realized that the priest was asking him a question.  
  
The fellow blinked. "Yes?"  
  
"In the power invested by me by the Japanese Government, I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride and someone can show me where the sake is!"  
  
Having placed the bishonen's voice, Jared twitched briefly. "Uhm... would you excuse me?" *snicker* *snort*  
  
"...what?!..." Zorro seemed befuddled.  
  
"I'm counting on you to take care of my little girl!" Soun clasped the dark-clad fellow's shoulders briefly.  
  
"...b-b-b-b-but..." Zorro stammered.  
  
"Oh my! How nice." Kasumi nodded. Now her sister would have plenty of children. Seven or eight ought to do it.  
  
"...b-b-b-but..." Zorro looked at Akane (still smouldering and comatose) then helplessly around. "But I'm just here because..."  
  
"There's a problem with that," Jared pointed out, trying not to laugh. "Can Akane marry another girl?"  
  
Soun stopped cavorting. Kasumi's smile froze. Jared took one look at Soun's face and had to excuse himself so he could go have a good laugh.  
  
"How'd you know?" Ukyo asked.  
  
"...i'm sorry Mako-chan but in my last life i adopted you as my daughter and it's difficult for me to think of you as a girlfriend..."  
  
Kasumi considered fainting. Soun began bawling about his daughter being a pervert. Ukyo sweatdropped.   
  
"Okay, I now pronounce *you* husband and wife."  
  
"Stupid drunk priest! Does Shampoo *look* like anyone's husband?"  
  
"BWAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!" Jared fell over, having realized that the inebriated priest had just married (still out of it) Akane to both (in denial) Ukyo and (distinctly unhappy) Shampoo.   
  
Which was when Plenty Bull, Tatewaki Kuno, a hentai horde, and Hikaru Gosunkugi arrived on the scene.  
  
"There she is!" The horde descended on Akane, a pair of hands (Tatewaki's) lifted the fair maid to safety.  
  
*RRRRRIIIPPPPP! THUD!*  
  
Tatewaki held Akane's schooldress in his hands where the fabric had given way under way too many assaults lately. Neither the bra or panties had fared well either, the caustic solution of moonshine combined with shards of wood, attacking alligators, and the sudden firebomb caused by the remaining fumes of alcohol had taken their cumulative toll.  
  
Twelve of the horde fainted dead away with massive nosebleeds fountaining outward as they saw Akane lying on the grass. Wearing a few cuts and bruises, some burns and the bits of Kasumi's makeover that had not been removable within that short timeframe. And with the disintegrating pieces of what had once been lingerie lying nearby, many of them were getting their first view of the human female anatomy that was not found solely in a textbook or ecchi magazine.  
  
Tatewaki seemed to have become petrified.  
  
Jared stuck his head up, then felt momentary nausea upon seeing a naked Akane, then started laughing again when it became apparent that nobody present really knew what to do.  
  
"Errrr. Mouth to mouth?" One of the boys suggested, which caused ANOTHER fight to develop as the decision as to who would do this came to mind.  
  
"Unnnnnn." Plenty Bull merely looked acutely embarassed and pulled off his shirt to cover Akane with. He ignored the attacks of the Blue Thunder among others. Heck, he'd gotten worse from his mother when he had stolen a few cookies from the jar.  
  
"...if you have any feelings for me, you will not make me eat sashimi..." Akane mumbled.  
  
Soun went to Demon Head, but was knocked unconscious by a flying Kuno. (Plenty Bull had finally decided that his knees had taken enough beatings today.)  
  
Hikaru Gosunkugi, unnoticed during all this, took the opportunity. Also a long nail, a mallet, a straw doll and a spirit ward.   
  
*WHAM!*  
  
"Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Akane shrieked, a spirit ward slammed onto her forehead and a straw doll being nailed onto her chest.  
  
*WHAM!* Gosunkugi winced as he hammered the nail home. ~She isn't supposed to be screaming is she?~  
  
A silver winged shape erupted from Akane's forehead and was lost to the sky in an eyeblink.  
  
Akane continued to scream, having two inches of nail imbedded in her chest, and being naked underneath a shirt that hadn't been washed in at least a week. Having somehow appeared here after just resting her eyes for a moment in the furo.  
  
Can you blame her?  
  
-----------  
  
Asgard:  
  
"We've got a trace," Ami said, brushing hair out of her eyes.  
  
"Looks like he was there in that AK-RN line and now he's in there. Got it!" Setsuna nodded. "Unfortunately, it appears there was another problem. Looks like his identity is submerged."  
  
"Well, we can at least get a lock on. Now all we need to do is figure out how to get him out." Celeste leaned back in her chair. "This'll go a *lot* easier."  
  
----------  
  
  
Usagi shook her head. Something had suddenly caused her to get this curious dislocation feeling.  
  
"Usagi, Usagi... Come in, Usagi!"  
  
Usagi noted idly that her watch was talking to her. Remembering that it was a communicator watch, she finally flipped it open, to see Ami's face on it. "Ami-chan?!" Usagi looked from the Ami in the sidelines to the Ami in the watch-face. "What the ?!"  
  
"Usagi, please listen. You're in a dimension that's close to your homeplane. Grey's also there but somehow he got submerged in the identity of the one who's native to that plane. I'm guessing that it is because of strong emotion or strong drives in the native. You've awakened because he's met you again anyway."  
  
Usagi looked around. "I know this place. This is the Tenkaibudokai. The 'World's Strongest Man' Competition. I've fought here before. And this is... everything's a little different."  
  
"What can you tell me about your surroundings? It may be important!"  
  
Usagi nodded with an "unn" sound. "I'm at the Tenkai platform, near the sidelines. The priests are replacing some of the tiles out on the arena area."  
  
"Got that. The Tenkai competition is a round robin fighting competition, the winner from one fight going on to fighting the winner of another match. Single combat. What else?"  
  
"I remember this fight. Piccolo was ready to conquer the world. I'd just been trained by Endymion and reunited with my friends. Rei-chan had just beaten this cyborg guy named Count Pai Pai. Then I got into some fight with a guy I didn't know, but I beat him pretty easy and never did find out why he was angry with me. It was... strange." Usagi glanced up at Endymion's younger evil twin Piccolo.   
  
"Hmmm. You're not in your own past, so you don't have to worry about paradox."  
  
"I wasn't," Usagi assured the other Ami, not having any idea what a paradox was.  
  
"Excuse me," an announcer beckoned to Usagi, "you're up next, miss."  
  
Usagi took her place at the end of the platform, the angry-looking guy taking the other side.  
  
Priests began playing their drums, a slow beat gradually increasing in pace.  
  
Usagi blinked. Was he actually growling?  
  
"ANNOYING!" The boy said staring directly at her.  
  
"Huh?" Usagi didn't understand it *this* time either. Things were subtly different, the crowd and all, but some things were going *exactly* how she remembered it.  
  
"You are so bloody annoying!"  
  
"Excuse me, what's your problem?" Usagi was aware she was repeating herself from that previous time but wasn't sure what else she could do.  
  
"Forgetting me, forgetting your promise, you are *so annoying!*"  
  
Usagi blinked at that but started checking out the guy's chi, instead of what she'd done the last time which had been to ask if this guy knew her. It was stronger than she expected, but there was a pattern there that looked like... "GREY!"  
  
"Is that someone else you've dumped?" The boy seemed to calm for a moment. "And your promise?"  
  
"What promise?" As soon as she saw the anger return, doubled, Usagi knew she'd said the wrong thing.  
  
There was muttering from the Kamesennin and Ami, with an "Aha!" from Oolong as he figured something out.  
  
"Oh well, no point in holding off," the announcer finally declared. "In this corner... oh, hey, I wasn't finished!"  
  
Grey launched himself across at Usagi, lashing out with a rapid strike technique. Usagi, of course, dodged all of it.  
  
"What are you so mad about?!" Usagi squealed. This was *still* going exactly how she remembered it.  
  
Grey threw a flying spinkick, reversed direction with an elbow spike, then went back to using the rapid-strike technique.  
  
Usagi didn't bother to block. A normal person wouldn't have been able to see all the punches heading her way. Usagi dodged as if they were in slow motion. Of course, to her, they were. Finally she had been cornered on one edge of the stage, so she leapt and flipped over Grey, wondering why this all had to go like the first time. In a minute she'd tire of this, casually backhand him into the stands. Then he'd vanish and she wouldn't see him again.  
  
Again the boy came charging forward. "You annoying... fight me if you won't keep your promise!"  
  
"But I don't know what you're talking about," wailed Usagi, dodging a knee strike, another barrage of rapid punches, an attempted legsweep and a hand-spear thrust.  
  
"GIRLS! You make promises you have no intention of keeping! You just flirt with whoever you like and leave broken hearts behind you!"  
  
Usagi dodged a long series of chained roundhouse kicks, flipped backwards and then to the side to avoid a flying dragon stamp. "But... waitaminute! If you'd just *tell* me..."  
  
Rei from the sidelines was saying something about men who couldn't take a hint and staying dumped. Lita pointed out that it wasn't a problem any of *them* had had before.  
  
"This seems more than the usual grudge match," said the announcer, still holding the microphone.  
  
"Can words explain ten *wasted* years? Can words heal ten years I've waited for you to keep your promise?!" Grey launched another long set of attacks that came within inches of Usagi all the way.  
  
Usagi leapt up, just as she had the last time, reaching the same height she had during the last battle. "But I don't understand!"  
  
"Why do you torment me like this?!" Grey leapt up four stories and flipped at the apex to intersect Usagi's course. Again she dodged a long series of punches and kicks.  
  
"But..." Usagi thought about it, and decided on a course of action. They landed a few feet apart, Grey breathing hard and absently wiping sweat off his forehead.   
  
"And what of your desire to be a bride?" Grey snarled.  
  
Usagi knew from the last time, but this time actively decided to follow the pattern, as it had actually calmed him momentarily during the original fight. "Rei! What's a 'bride'?!"  
  
A large number of people, including her opponent, fell over in shock.  
  
"A bride means a girl who has been married," Rei shouted from the sidelines.  
  
"Oh, you mean like 'boyfriend-girlfriend' or something?" Usagi nodded. "That's not so bad."  
  
"No, not just that, it's more of a commitment!" Makoto yelled, having shoved Rei out of the way. "A married couple is committed to one another exclusively. They stay together, support each other, raise a family." Makoto's eyes were sparkling by the end of her speech.  
  
"But what and why? And..."  
  
"So... defeat me, and I'll tell you."  
  
Usagi smiled. Finally events had diverged! Previously she had said that she wouldn't marry some idiot guy like that when she had her Mamo-chan! Her opponent had gotten even angrier, launched an all out attack, and she'd launched him into the stands. Now, answers!  
  
Grey went into a modified cat stance, ready to block and counterattack the moment Usagi made a move. Or so he thought.  
  
Usagi simply raised a thin thread of chi, and threw a punch from fifteen feet away. The wind swept her opponent off his feet and flung him off the stage. She crossed the battlefield, crouched on the edge and regarded him as he got up. "Are you okay?"  
  
Grey rubbed his head. "Owie. Still, you're as good as you were back then."  
  
"So you'll tell me now?" Usagi was eager, this would get a mystery of her own past resolved.  
  
Rubbing his head and returning to irritated, the boy nodded. "Tsue."  
  
"TSUE!" Makoto, Minako, Rei, and Usagi exclaimed. Similar exclamations were coming from Ami and the Kamesennin. "So that's it!"  
  
"Tsue?!" Usagi held her hand knee high, remembering the little tool using prince she'd briefly known when they were both kids. The son of the Ox King. "You're little Tsue-chan?!"  
  
Tsue reminded Usagi of riding Kinton cloud, how she'd grabbed his crotch and exclaimed that as she'd thought, he was a boy. And of later how she'd said they ought to get together and that he was a lot of fun. And since he was learning to cook, maybe she'd keep him around so he could cook for her always...  
  
"But that isn't what I meant!!" Usagi felt *very* guilty all of a sudden. Had the Tsue in her world... but he must have, and that meant... Oh dear.   
  
"So you say now."  
  
"It would have been criminal to make a promise like that without intending to follow through," Usagi said, her thoughts whirring.  
  
"What? Criminal?" Tsue faltered. "Then, then, you really didn't..."  
  
"Well that being the case. Promises are important. So..." Usagi thought for a moment more. She *had* really liked Tsue. "So when's the wedding?"  
  
"Aa?!" Tsue blinked... "you... YES!!"  
  
As the two hugged and the audience cheered, the announcer got the last word. "Everyone! A first! A first! This the first time for a grudge to be settled like *this* here!"  
  
----------  
  
The air shimmered and Grey stepped out alongside Usagi. Usagi briefly kissed his cheek, then ran off. Ami watched curiously for a moment before Grey rejoined her.  
  
"Where did Usagi go?" Ami asked finally.  
  
"She realized that back in her homeworld, *her* Tsue may still be waiting for her to fulfill a promise." Grey said, his own eyes flicking to where the Sailorjin had exited. "She has to go back and find out. To honor a pre-existing promise if it is so..."  
  
Ami nodded and wished Usagi well. "Where next?"  
  
"Now i try to get on with that Third Labor. It shouldn't take long." Grey sighed. This hadn't gone *nearly* the way he wanted.  
  
"Was that thunder?" Ami looked to the skies.  
  
"Probably just Thor again," Grey grabbed his pack and sauntered for the gate. "If i wait, i'm sure the gremlins will muck this attempt up too."  
  
  
===========  
  
the scene with Rigel and Wisp was to establish what others were doing during all this.  
  
for the gamers:  
Rigel Maerklos (hm, LN(G), hp 39, Psionicist 8, Telepathy (primary), Psychometabolism (2ndry).) As a son of the noble family Maerklos in Waterdeep, is expected to use his talents to further the family causes before all. A disappointment to many in his family due to the utter lack of skill with magic. A fairly powerful telepath, however, is deemed useful by the remainder of his family.  
Wispara Deunana (ef, NG(L), hp 36, Fighter 6/Thief 7) once a bitter and lonely outcast, who was the target of a mindlink from Rigel when his adventuring group was surrounded by evil drow. In a moment of mental contact, each found in the other a soulmate. Wisp accompanied the group back to Waterdeep and was immediately the center of a scandal. She is often referred to as Rigel's shadow- so closely does she stick to him. The scandal is largely the result of the interracial nature of the pairing. Some of Rigel's family approve (his Uncle Reim heartily approves and sees the two as a reflection of a brief love he'd had in his youth) while others such as his mother quite disapprove. Wispara doesn't give a flying pig about her own family though the priestesses of the Undercity (Eilestraee) seem divided on this matter themselves. In both cases "racial purity" and the subject of children figure heavily.  
  
Akumakun was done by the same person as GeGeGe No Kitaro. There is a definite resemblence between Komorineko (BatCat) and Genma- in personality. Tarume (i think) is the pudgy green thing with beagle ears and dozens of eyes, also gullibility factor 9. Padju (?) is a big flying rutabaga with windows. It's *not* a series i'd expect to come across the pond. Despite one noted writer's comments, there were *no* plans for Ranma to fall in Spring Of Drowned Green-haired Winged Wind Princess. THAT would have predictable and unimaginative - one might as well write Akane + Ranma matchups.  
  
Which curse to remove from Ranma? The votes were: Catfist 8, Genma's Influence 6, Jusenkyo 2, Temple Theft 2.  
  
Votes for when Grey gets into the timeline: 1640 AD - 6, 774 AD - 7, 100 AD - 3, 1500 BC - 3, 150,000 BC - 4, age of dinosaurs - 4.  
  
==========  



	6. Default Chapter Title

Third Labor, chapter 11  
"Time out"  
  
WHAT'S GONE BEFORE: previous chapters at http://www.fanfiction.net  
  
DISCLAIMER: The Well of Mimir, time travel, alternate universes, and other related concepts are the intellectual property of a bunch of people who died a really long time ago.   
  
----------  
  
Grey stepped through the gate and knew with absolute certainty. Something was wrong. It was a frequent and familiar feeling. "This does NOT look like an alley in Philadelphia!"  
  
Thick woods, conifer forest similar to up near Flagstaff. Large bugs. REALLY large bugs. Really really LARGE bugs. The trees seemed a little small, so Grey thought it was unlikely that HIS size had been altered to really small.   
  
~Okay, no problem, i'll just step back through the Gate and... The Gate's gone?! No, i can still see it, it just seems to have a phase variance. Hmmmm. Okay, NOW it's gone. Let's see. Take stock of situation. i'm in an unknown Timeline. Equipment bag present. D-hopper is... where is it? i'm sure i packed it! OK, no way to circumvent dimensions so...~  
  
Grey pondered for a few moments, then tried to transform. No on the cyborg. Sexangel was possible but felt weakened for some reason. Then dragonform. Now he could probe with senses far more acute than human ones.  
  
Prowling the forest showed no signs of human habitation. So... far from habitated lands or else a world with no humans.   
  
~As Ami once told me, 'Information is the first principle.' Therefore, first i find out where i am. Now, how to do that?~  
  
-----------  
  
Akumakun/Ranma timeline:  
  
Akane Tendo was not handling events well.  
  
As far as she knew, she'd been having a really bad day. The Chem Club pepper-spray bomb had given her watery eyes, a skin rash, and she'd been coughing most of the day. She'd grabbed a few Benadryl (five should be enough, right?) and headed for the bathtub for a soak.  
  
She'd felt so sleepy that she'd just closed her eyes for a moment. Just a moment. Then when she'd *opened* her eyes...  
  
Two weeks had gone by.  
  
She was naked under some guy's shirt, had a piece of paper stuck on her forehead, and two inches of nail inserted into her right above her breastbone. When she got over screaming about *that* she'd found out it was just the beginning of her problems.  
  
Kuno was blubbering about the return of Akane. Some guy she'd never seen before was claiming that he was her fiance? As well as some *huge* gaijin type who grunted a lot but didn't really seem to say anything. And why did Nabiki have little cat ears and a TAIL?!  
  
And Kasumi insisted Akane take these little yellow pills with rice this morning.  
  
Opening the door to go to school, she found that man mountain standing there, dressed fairly nicely, with a bouquet of flowers in his hand and a timid looking smile on his face.  
  
Akane took a deep breath and vented. She explained loudly and in some detail that she was not interested in boys, much less some "gaijin freak" with a speech impediment! Then she stormed past the (stupid perverted) boy.  
  
Jared came out of the house, ignoring the way Ranma ran after Akane shouting for her to wait up. This would make the third time that Akane would rebuff Ranma's attempted advances.  
  
"There, there," he said to the sullen mountain. "That isn't the Akane you knew anyway. You're really better off without her."  
  
"Unnnn," said Plenty Bull.  
  
"I'm sure you'll find someone else," Jared assured him. "There will be other possibilities."  
  
"Unnnnn?"  
  
"NO, I don't think Sherry or Ranko would be interested." Jared shuddered. Maybe he ought to see if Shampoo knew an Amazon who was *really* into strength.  
  
----------  
  
Third Labor timeline:  
  
Flying in dragonform was still fun, still a rush. At least for short periods.  
  
After sixteen hours of nonstop flight, Grey wasn't having any fun.  
  
A search pattern over the target area revealed no settlements except one that he could see from the air. The plume of smoke had revealed a group of Native Americans, the descendents of a great civilization that had collapsed long before the arrival of Columbus. Oddly enough, the camp had every sign of a hasty desertion and recently, but no locals.  
  
This had caused Grey to consider and then fly up to his "ceiling" - where the air grew too thin to breathe and keep flight stable. The lay of the land below him matched what he could remember of a map in his briefing. He was in the right place, which meant that it was the wrong time. So the question had gone from "where am i?" to "when am i?" and finding *that* out was proving tricky.  
  
The Amerind camp hadn't provided useful data. As far as Grey knew, this placed him anywhere from 500 AD to 1400 AD - though it could be even earlier. When *had* the three supertribes broken apart and the Anasazi vanished? The database in his laptop was mainly concerned with divergent timelines and mechanical data. He also had a *large* medical database, including cybernetics, because he'd been the cyborg for so long that he had had to make field repairs regularly.  
  
So he'd chosen to fly up through Canada, then to Greenland (which had a *lot* more green on the land than he remembered) and from there a hop to Iceland and then to Britain. After that it wouldn't take long to get to Europe. Once in Europe he could figure out an approximate when. Not exact, of course, the last time he'd taken World (Eurocentric) History had been in his *first* life - over eighty years ago now.  
  
Silver dragons, considering their normal terrain (mountains overlooking more temperate areas), were good flyers. *This* was pushing the limits and so Grey finally dropped to a clumsy landing (this time the rut he tore in the snow was only eighty feet in length) and rested aching muscles for a bit. A quick meal (three goats, two reindeer (he assumed they were reindeer), and a *very* surprised walrus) was followed by the discovery that he'd overdone it and his wing muscles protested any attempt at stretching them out.  
  
~Note to self: you ain't got Ranma's recovery rate anymore. Owie.~  
  
Lashing his tail and sighting from the sun, Grey started to run. And very quickly got disgusted with it as his running speed in dragonform seemed to be slightly faster than a dead stop. With an effort, he tried shifting to human.   
  
"What the... AGGGHHHHH!" Grey looked at himself. He was back to male, but apparently one of the transformation rules was that whatever he was wearing last when human was what he was wearing when transforming back to human. Apparently that mess with Akane counted.  
  
After spending a few moments standing naked in a snowfield, Grey decided to try the angelform. While it was successful, he felt the biting cold even more than in human shape and still had no clothing. Another attempt to shift to cyborg failed to produce anything. THAT form apparently was not within the local possibilities.   
  
The pack *should* have had a change of clothes in there. Unfortunately, about half of his expected equipment was missing. So he blurred, and a dragon gave a weary sigh before turning to trudge through the snow and slush and occasional patch of green.  
  
He had a feeling this was going to take a *long* time.  
  
----------  
  
a formerly Evangelion timeline:  
  
"Mizuno-san?"  
  
Ami turned to see who was flagging her this time. Just the assistant vice-principal. "Sir?"  
  
"It's about your grades, Mizuno-san."  
  
Ami blinked. "My grades?"  
  
Mr. Naniga nodded. "Yes, they've been slipping of late, Mizuno-san. Is there a problem?"  
  
~Other than my fiance being killed under his father's orders, being resurrected when we used the Silver Crystal to restructure the world, having our happy time together cut short by him vanishing, and a pair of dimension walkers tell us that he's now a she and off on some other plane of existence and that we'll never see him again?~ "Why, no, assistant vice-principal. I've just had a lot on my mind."  
  
Naniga frowned. "Is it your husband's disappearance?"  
  
"Well..." Ami ducked her head.  
  
Naniga frowned some more, then proceeded on his rehearsed speech. "It's very likely he dumped you. It would be best if you forgot about him and concentrated on your schoolwork. Why, I rememrmmmmm..."  
  
Ami blinked. Oh dear, that was one of her medical dictionaries. Well, it had been getting worn anyway and she certainly didn't want it back after it had been in someone's mouth. "Oh. I'm terribly sorry, assistant vice-principal Naniga. Though I politely disagree that his disappearance was due to his own choices." Bowing slightly, Ami continued on to her next class.  
  
"Mmmmrrfffff?!" Naniga tried to dislodge the book. "Mrfff? Mmmmmmmffff!"  
  
One of the teachers walked by, stared for a moment, then continued walking. "That's odd. Usually it's his *foot* he gets stuck in his mouth."  
  
----------  
  
SMJ Timeline:  
  
The big screen hanging on the outside of the Center displayed the face of Jiro Kaneda, local newsanchor for Japonesse TV. "Today there was a small explosion at Castle Japonesse. The explosion took out a small section of the computer lab, oddly enough, the only things that were destroyed were a set of braintapes and a few small trinkets from experimental marionette research. Otaru Mamiya has stated emphatically that Lime was *not* involved this time. Doctor Lorelei and her main research were unharmed.  
  
"The first group of cloned girl children have now reached their six month old checkups with flying colors. Doctor Lorelei repeats her 'no comment' when asked about all the ones with dark skin and white hair.  
  
"In an unrelated newstory, the marionette Ginseng has abruptly vanished. New Texas is claiming innocence." A laugh track briefly played. "Meanwhile the Shinohara Plasma Devils beat the Kyobe Giants in overtime, 24-21..."  
  
---------  
  
Ranma/Akumakun timeline:  
  
"...and AFTER that idiot Black Bart goes kidnapping me, WHAT happened?!"  
  
Ranma winced. "Well... I *tried* to rescue you."  
  
"You were *LATE*! That freak Plenty Bull would have gotten there faster than you!"  
  
Kasumi winced. "He seemed like a very nice boy." ~Why aren't the pills helping?~  
  
"He grunts, Kasumi. I need to get a ladder just to look him in the eyes." Akane shook her head. "Just one more infuriating *boy* to have to deal with."  
  
"Well, you're safe now..." Ranma said in a small voice. ~And Plenty gave up on you already.~  
  
"No thanks to YOU!" Akane huffed, turning away. "Hmmmph. If they hadn't cheated using that rope trick and a smoke bomb, I'd have shown them myself! I don't need YOU to rescue me! I took care of those thugs, didn't I?"  
  
"Akane, they suspect you're 'Sabre Mars' now. They'll be back in numbers."  
  
"Let them!" Akane slammed her fist into her other hand. "I can take them! None of that silly 'Old West' stuff."  
  
Jared sat at the Tendo table, *dearly* wishing that he could do either one of two things: Transform this Miso soup into something that didn't cause him to wonder why he wasn't gagging at the similarity to a bowlful of salty spit, or cause the ceaseless, *endless* stream of criticism from the other end of the table, and which was causing Ranma to wilt ever more by the moment as it went on, with him as it's especial target.  
  
"...and as for people who keep thrusting babies in my face or asking me about their dead relatives..."  
  
Ranma had tried, on several occasions, to get that girl he'd first met riding a horse through the streets of Nerima to return. He'd put his foot in his mouth repeatedly, and his attempts had further aggravated and turned ever more hostile the real Akane.  
  
"...almost as perverted as YOU Ranma, or pointy-ears over there..."  
  
Nabiki's ears went flat and she frowned. She didn't like Akane's tendency to be loud. As a catgirl, her hearing was fairly sensitive.  
  
"...and turning my sister into a monster! And if it isn't Black Bart, it's those thugs looking for that 'Sabre Mars' crap, or some damn Indian weirdness, or some weird rival who wants to challenge me to magical battle, or some extremely silly martial arts battle."  
  
Actually, it occurred to Jared that there might be a way he could solve both of his current difficulties in a single strategem.  
  
"...everything was *fine* before you showed up! All I had to deal with was Kuno and..."  
  
Jared slammed his bowl down on the table, interrupting Akane's latest tirade about all of the wonderful qualities she failed to see in the arragement, her fiance, and anything else that came to mind. With a face as hard as stone he said, "That's it," and leaned across the table and touched lightly Akane's ribs.  
  
The remains of the meal were upset as Akane kicked it into Genma's lap with the first spasms and an odd gurgling noise emitted from the youngest Tendo's stomach area. Akane's eyes grew big and a cold sweat formed on her as another set of gurgles erupted.  
  
*ZZOOOMMM!*  
  
Jared sighed contentedly at the relative quiet - though the sounds from the bathroom were sufficiently loud that they carried through the home.  
  
"What?!" Kasumi looked at the remains of the meal decorating the panda.  
  
"Martial Arts Indian Wrestling shiatsu attack: The Bowels Of Hell," Jared managed to look briefly solemn before going into a smirk. "A dreaded technique handed down by the ancient Arapahi which inflicts the watery doom of a spastic colon attack on the victim. Very terrible tragic story of girl who run off at the mouth, now simply has runs. Very terrible."  
  
Jared was tsking a half hour later as Akane (pale and sweaty) rejoined them. "Really, Akane. A *true* martial artist can fight that attack by tensing certain muscles. Even those untrained can resist to the point where they are able to continue fighting. The attack isn't very effective at all to those with a little discipline."  
  
She rose at him screaming insults, which he deflected by placing his finger against her flesh once again, this time merely causing her to slump bonelessly to the floor. Ranma looked both relieved and guilty to be relieved, and Jared favored him pityingly. "You know, bro. I *had* warned you. She's a catastrophe. She'll never again be that helpful, friendly, person you first knew."  
  
Nabiki and Kasumi both slumped at that line. Seeing as how their little sister had been vocal and nonstop in her criticism of others and complaints about how everyone treated her and how they'd been acting since her personality was restored, more than one had guiltily wished that they had not been successful in finding a cure.  
  
"Nevertheless..." Mr. Tendo began pompously.  
  
He was interrupted by a high pitched beeping. Nabiki checked her pager, then lithely rolled to her feet.   
  
"There's a problem on the ranch," Nabiki explained. "Shall we?"  
  
Nabiki paused to give Ranma a quick peck on the cheek, whispering to him that he ought to consider giving Akane more room. Maybe by switching the engagement?  
  
Jared smirked some more, suddenly attired in serviceable Western wear. "For Justice, we ride."  
  
Nabiki flipped a black cowboy hat onto her head, but didn't change out of her short tight halter and short-shorts ensemble. "For Freedom, we ride!"  
  
Ranma stood up. "For the Art, we ride!"  
  
"Oh my!" Kasumi briefly and guiltily suppressed a desire to add some phrase of her own and go riding off to do something besides watch Akane's mental state deteriorate.  
  
Nabiki leapt gracefully out back onto the back of Fess. Jared summoned Wildhorn and leapt on his back. Ranma leapt for the mare's back, but the mare wasn't cooperating again. *SPLASH!* Ranma-chan made a remark about horsemeat as she climbed onto the "Damn Beast's" back.  
  
"We ride!" Three riders took off into the sunset.  
  
Akane grumbled as she came to. "Oh. RRrrrrrrrrr. Well, since everyone's been asking, I *did* get the chance to cook up this casserole..."  
  
---------  
  
Third Labor Timeline:  
  
Stealing was a sin, and therefore something that a good dragon trying to get into Heaven shouldn't do.  
  
The explorer he'd run across had attempted to run (screaming) off a cliff. Grey had snagged the man after a mere ten foot drop and had taken a set of clothing as payment with a word of thanks and a wish for the man to "live long and prosper."  
  
That this explorer (formerly Ryud the Fearless, currently Ryud the Religious) would later go on to become a priest and live a long life back home as opposed to freezing in a glacier (thereby becoming Ryud the popsicle) was not foreseen by Grey. And, after all, what kind of effect could saving one man's life in 776 AD have?  
  
Grey waited till he was out of sight of the man, found some snowmelt, then repeatedly washed the clothes in the stream before putting the garments (just a pair of woolen pants and a coarse tunic-like shirt) away in his own pack. It hadn't *exactly* been theft, after all. He'd asked the fellow for permission to take the stuff.  
  
Twelve hours later, he'd stood on some shore, tested his wings and decided they would do for shorter flights, and Grey shifted to humanform.  
  
Putting the clothes *on* revealed that they were for someone who was bulkier and taller. In other words, shaped like the person he'd gotten them from. There was also no wing room, so if he wanted to switch to angelform, he'd have to go without the shirt. As that was the worse fitting, that wasn't as much of a problem. The shirt went back into the pack with some reluctance.  
  
Shifting from human to angel, and then back to dragon, Grey proceeded on his journey. Other than the too-terrified-to-speak explorer, he still hadn't found anyone to tell him *when* he was.  
  
He didn't realize that he had been observed and that the natives would be talking about *this* for quite a bit of time.  
  
---------  
  
It was getting on a week since the disastrous brush with death in the form of one of the Greater Demon Lords, now expired.  
  
Things had reached a flashpoint. He was recovering quickly, and had been for two days. Chi had brimmed up at maximum not a long while ago, meditation to refill it when it was expended was working normally. Which thing meant that he could spend it all but the tiniest amount and refill in a single hour. Directed use of chi in healing had brought other abilities back quickly, fixing injuries too deep for rest to heal and restarting his regenerative processes. His innate magic was now at full strength and magic energy for spells, the sluggard of his recovery, was burbling back at a more normal rate. He'd be fine in a few days time.  
  
Jared was ALSO rather gifted in his inspired use of insights gained to hide himself from searches. His stealth techniques had grown exponentially, to where he hadn't much of a problem hiding from Sailorjin chi senses or Silver Millennial scans. He was fairly confident that he could rejoin the nurses now and be able to fend off their worst attempts.  
  
Besides, he owed a duty to them. It wasn't chivalrous to hide more than absolutely required, and they had earned a right to acompany him through their devotion.  
  
Yes, it was definately time to show up. Well almost. There were things to be taken care of first.  
  
"Quick! Nabiki, it's time for Sabre Mercenary!" Jared pointed to where stealthy figures continued to look for Sabre Mars to avenge their earlier losses. Apparently the gangs had hired "talent" to avenge themselves with.  
  
The middle Tendo daughter was instantly shaking her head. "Sabre Mercenary? Yuck. No way. Uh uh." She was *not* a mercenary, not the ice queen. She *could* be a nice girl!  
  
"Okay, we'll make it Sabre Mercury instead. It's more in genre anyway." With that, Jared turned a flip in the air and materialized a silver brooch, which he instantly clasped to the garment at Nabiki's throat before she could object. "Now shout whatever first comes to mind! Hurry!"  
  
The quick retort that was rising up got swallowed and she fought not to respond at all, clasping both hands over her mouth desperately. Still, they fell clear and her entire body arced spasmatically as she involuntarily yelled out the phrase.  
  
"Kitty Flash!"   
  
~Where did *THAT* come from??!?~ The amazed girl thought.  
  
~From me, I couldn't resist.~ Thought the mindreading mage, as he watched her spin through a very brief (comparitively) transformation sequence to find herself in a blue one piece bathing suit with accouterments identical in style and shape to Akane's, but white instead of red. Her tail flicking back and forth behind her didn't fit the image too well.  
  
"Right!" He shouted, snapping into a sentai pose. "Now take out the Nabiki computer, we've got to scan those guys!"  
  
Sabre Mercury found herself holding a large and bulky cash register with digital screen. "What's this?"  
  
"Sorry, we still had all the props set up for you as Sabre Mercenary. We'll get it fixed later, I hope. You never know with these sentai things. It might be a compact or an electric diary next time. Very hard to read the screen."  
  
"At least then I could put it in my pocket." Nabiki replied, struggling with he bulky plastic and iron device.  
  
"Quit complaining, your weapon profile is excellent. Haul out the rocket launcher and we'll show those guys what for."  
  
"No, not a rocket launcher." Nabiki emphatically shook her head and set the cash register down. "Look, if I'm going to do this, and I'm still not sure I want to, I'm going to be the stealth and speed expert. Heavy fire support just is *not* my style."  
  
Jared reluctantly agreed, but privately thought it likely he could get Shampoo or Ukyo to go with the role. Sabre Jupiter?   
  
Nabiki didn't specify that her whole reason for even considering this was that she was finding her catgirl mode addictive and comfortable. She wasn't sure at this point if she even wanted to go back to being "normal" Nabiki Tendo.  
  
"For that matter, I don't see the need to do a sentai theme here," Nabiki said, ignoring Jared's stricken expression. "How about I disguise myself as a kunoichi - Ninja Kamen, mysterious and elegant night warrior?"  
  
Jared's disappointment was obvious. Especially when he saw her model the "costume" - what little there was of it. "A black bodystocking with a black Zorro mask? Isn't that a little... adult?"  
  
"Hmmm. I'll try wearing it in front of Ranma. If he faints, it's too much..." Nabiki smirked. If Ranma fainted, then it might be possible to lure him away from Akane after all.  
  
"Uhm well..." Jared winced. Considering how tight the bodystocking was, she was close enough to nude as made little nevermind.  
  
"I could get a utility belt and go as Catgirl!"  
  
Jared was prepared to say no, but then started thinking about "Stately Tendo Manor" and "To The Catpoles" and a faint smile appeared. No. Never work. Absolutely not.  
  
-------  
  
Asgard:  
  
Apple blinked at the archway a few times. "Where did he go?"  
  
"The Third Labor timeline. Except that he never arrived." Celeste studied the image of a Philadelphia alleyway. "Maybe he disintegrated? Or possibly there was a warpspace intrusion and he's out of phase? Or it could have collapsed while he was in transit and he's lost forever in limbo."  
  
There was many startled looks at this until Ami spoke up. "No, the corridor was momentarily stable. When it did break up, it had held for thirty seconds - sufficient for him to have traversed it."  
  
Setsuna looked over the controls. "There's something else. There are disruptions in the target timestream, revising it from its past."  
  
"Dang it, that Pheonix Mage promised he wouldn't do this!" Celeste grumbled.  
  
"Looks like there was a secondary ripple." Hestia noted. "A crossrip from the Universe he just came from. One person crossed out.""  
  
"Uh oh. Do we need a rescue team assembled?" Belle inquired, her hand posed near a button.  
  
"No, he doesn't appear to be in danger, he isn't that important, and he gets lost anyway." Hestia shrugged. She had bigger problems to concentrate on.  
  
---------  
  
Elsewhere:  
  
The world was called, by its inhabitants, the World. The Elven name merely sounded fancier while the Dwarven name was short and utilitarian and the Goblin term sounded like someone spitting.  
  
The world would drive someone from a more mainstream universe, particularly if that someone were a scientist or a skeptic, absolutely nuts. World being overall shaped like a wrinkly piece of paper with a hole offcenter, though a piece of paper three miles thick and twenty thousand miles long and wide. The sun rose and set through that aforementioned hole, which was surrounded by bare rock that hissed and smouldered whenever the sun (a sphere that was 200 miles across and cleared the surrounding "hole" by a mere 100 miles) approached it.  
  
And on World, a tortured cry rose from the region known as Squatting Toad Mountain, one familiar to many people.  
  
"Where on Earth am I NOWWWWWWW?!"  
  
What he wasn't expecting was an answer.  
  
"This is the Elven Nudist Colony of Faeriewine."  
  
"Well, actually I... I..." He really hadn't expected an answer. From a woman. From a beautiful woman. From a beautiful naked woman. Backed by four OTHER beautiful naked elf women. "Urkkk!"  
  
"Hmmmn, that was a nosebleed, followed by a facefault? Looks painful."   
  
--------  
  
Asgard:  
  
"He's in the right timeline, but the wrong time." An oriental woman in armor said, teleporting in. She was notable in that most of the goddesses of war tended to have very ornate and gleaming armor. Hers wasn't fancy at all, merely serviceable and looking well-used.  
  
"I'm not familiar with you, am I?" Celeste frowned and took a quick reading looking for an ident. She wasn't connected to Yggdrasil, which meant either a very minor goddess like a Valkyrie or something rather more powerful.  
  
"Hoshime. Aramarian pantheon. Wife to Etragar the Healer. Portfolio: Defense and Protection." The oriental looked over the crowd briefly. "He's praying for spells. As he has repeatedly violated the 'no weapons' stricture, my husband is not renewing his spells."  
  
"Then who is?" Ami asked, who was still not entirely sure what proper etiquette was when speaking with deities.  
  
"That," agreed Hoshime, smoothing her eyepatch, "is a question that we'd like answered ourselves."  
  
------------  
  
"JARED NO BAKA!!"   
  
Jared heard the battlecry, idly noted Akane approaching at high speeds with a blunt trauma object (today's choice seemed to be a fire extinguisher) and deduced that his speech to Ranma "1001 things I'd rather do with Akane than be engaged to her" had made the rounds. (1001: throw her into Spring of Drowned Pig and sell her to the Unryuu Sumo Pig Farm as breeding stock. 1000: trap her in the cave with Happosai so that she'd get a better idea of what consitituted a pervert. 999: Stuff her in a Pokeball and trade her off for something useful...)  
  
Akane started wildly swinging as soon as she was in range. "How could you even suggest that I'd be better off sold to a Bioweapons facility?!"  
  
Dodging her swings, Jared managed to look both bored and thoughtful. "Do you remember when Nabiki, Ranma, and I got back from stopping those cattle rustlers? The dinner you fixed? Pop losing all body hair was no big loss, but Kasumi?"  
  
"It wasn't my fault!" Akane's eyes teared up anyway. Why did someone put chemicals like that under the sink in the kitchen anyway? "You..."  
  
Jared sighed, darted in, and struck a pressure point combination, then shot back out and made a point of turning his back on the enraged girl.  
  
"eeeeeeEEEEEEEE?!"  
  
"Bro, is she *supposed* to be doing that?" Ranma's feelings for Akane had evaporated, and Nabiki had been warm and friendly, so naturally he was concerned about the display. It might affect Nabiki's reputation by association.  
  
"Akane?" Nabiki growled. "Get ahold of yourself. NOT THAT WAY! I didn't mean it literrrrally."  
  
Jared turned, saw what Akane was doing in the schoolyard, and whipped out a martial arts book titled "Hong Kong Fu-ey."   
  
"Aaa Aaaa aaaa AAHHH aaah aaah!"  
  
Kuno strode to the front of the crowd, saw Akane, and fainted with a nosebleed that would have shamed Ryouga.  
  
Ranma tried not to look. "Uhm, and she calls *me* perverted?"  
  
"Let's see, shiatsu attacks, page 357." Much page turning. "Shiatsu attack effects- listing, pages 125-217." Jared flipped some more pages. "Muffed attacks, here we go... oh dear."  
  
"Ahhh Unnnn Ahhh Unnnnn!"  
  
Hikaru Gosunkugi, still wearing casts from his exorcism attempt on Akane, went down with near terminal nosebleed.  
  
"WHAT?!" Nabiki asked, reaching up to shield Ranma's eyes from this.  
  
"I hit the wrong pressure point. Hang on, I'm trying to find the correction." Jared continued flipping pages.  
  
Akane started barking like a dog. Three more guys in the crowd went down with nosebleeds.  
  
"What exactly did you do?" Nabiki asked, her voice full of concern.  
  
"Explosive orgasm shiatsu attack. She's stuck in a loop..." Jared continued to flip pages. "She's *really* going to want to kill me after this."  
  
"Oh my," said Ranma, though Nabiki's hand was still blocking line of sight.  
  
Jared paused, looking thoughtful. "I wonder if I should even cure her? Or would this evening be soon enough? Have the school send her home 'sick' or something."  
  
"WaaaAAAAaaaaaAAAAA!"  
  
Nabiki considered her bucking and thrashing sister, then turned a half-lidded gaze to Jared. "How much to teach Ranma that manuever?"  
  
Jared continued flipping through the book. "Let's see... to reset the Explosive Orgasm shiatsu... see also Beavercleaveritis technique page 116."  
  
"Nabiki!" Ranma yelped. "That would be, well, I mean..."  
  
Jared turned back a wry grin to the still waiting Nabiki. "What have you got? Nah, I'll make it a wedding gift... provided you can get him to choose you that is. Otherwise poor Kasumi may have her consolation for her lost (and soon to be restored) hair. Ukyo may find that ten years of searching were *well* rewarded. The Amazons get a shiatsu attack that becomes a chief form of recreation, etc."  
  
The redheaded Saotome began to consider what might happen if he went to Ranma when he was sleeping that night and slipped on him the Synoptic Teacher, loaded with Grammar, Etiquette, Wardrobe, Personal Grooming, and maybe perhaps some Diction and the typical school subjects. Just making up for lost time, really. It ought to be as interesting an experiment as the catnip, at least.  
  
He privately grinned. Add Dating and Courtship to that, Manners and a few other courses. This could be *real* interesting! Not to mention fun watching Nabiki's response to having to actually struggle to get what she wanted.  
  
~Hmm, when I call in the wives I've got to stick around. There's the ranching and the other things I'm learning. I just can't pass this up. Maybe. Yeah. I should. I'll get my recharge and then cast Body Outside Body again and send the duplicates off with task forces of wives to do vital things elsewhere, like picking up Geltland's soon-to-be-lost plasma tech.~ He soon lost himself in planning, leaving the thrashing body of Akane writhing on the lawn as he wandered back into class.  
  
Sometime later, Jared cast a glance aside at Nabiki and was suddenly grateful that he'd managed to re-erect that Glamour of his and erase the two elder daughter's memories of its lapse.  
  
He was about to become *very* busy here, and there, and other-wheres.  
  
------------  
  
776 AD:  
  
Morning prayers completed, Grey ignored the figures watching from the treeline. They were of little concern, and had been there sufficiently long that he was wondering if he ought to approach them. However, the last time he'd tried that hadn't worked too well. He'd taken off, flew over a hill, landed, transformed to human, then walked back.  
  
Arrows had been lobbed in his direction immediately. Strangers were, apparently, persona non grata.  
  
So a switch to the smaller and therefore less noticeable angelform, and another comparitively short flight, and Grey found himself gliding over sprawling villages. Odd how he hadn't seen anything in Ireland, but he had to admit that he wasn't that familiar with the colonization of the area. Or it could be that Ireland was sparsely populated in this timeline.  
  
Still, cities and villages tended to form in the same rough areas no matter what the local timeline's rules were like. Look for a river, find a village at a bend or largely flat area. Wanting to be sure this wasn't one of the abandoned villages he'd spotted in Iceland or Greenland, Grey frowned at the lack of cloud cover but figured that in a pre-Industrial society, this group wouldn't have a reason to look up that much. Right?  
  
Wheeling over, he noted a sufficiently crowded Farmer's Market, perfect. Grey landed a short distance from the village, transformed to human, and put the itchy woolen tunic on. Now all he needed to do was mingle with the crowd, take a few copper coins from his stash, and he could get information!  
  
If he hadn't been so extremely tired, no doubt he would have made fewer mistakes.  
  
----------  
  
Terra Two:  
  
Craggy mountains, leftovers from one of the volcanic cataclysms that had rocked Terra Two over the millenia before human civilization had arrived. There were the segments of what were similar to fossilized coral reefs, but these were anchored to more typical geology.  
  
It was mainly unexplored, due to the dangers of plasma storms, the lack of air travel or satellite technology, and the lack of exploration desire from the vast majority of the populace. The discovery of Ponta-kun had been deemed sufficient indication that this alien world had dangers to further limit the desire for expansion/exploration. There was a single large city and some outlying communities in each kingdom. Other than that, the human populace was huddled together on a single continent. Escaping human society was simply a matter of walking a few weeks or making a boat.  
  
Ginseng continued to walk, glad to be out of the insufferable Japonesse court with its cliques and intrigue. It was fine for others who thrived on such things, but not for him. With Ieyasu back and in charge, there was every indication that the various factions jockeying for position would never become quite the problem they'd threatened to become.  
  
And it was *good* to be male again. The abrupt shift, as if the Binding had finally gotten around to such an "unimportant" detail, had provided the impetus for leavetaking. However, as once again organic and male, he was not in an ideal circumstance for taking off into the wilderness.  
  
Especially as Mihoshi's overall build was still present. Thin and somewhat androgynous, with the thick mane of blonde hair unchanged. Which made simply walking away a bit of a problem. Physical strength was insufficient to even carry the camping supplies. It didn't keep a smile off his face, even after a day of travel and sleeping under a canopy of trees because the tent had proven balky.  
  
There had been preparations made, after all. First odds and ends like the tent and bedroll, learning something about the land. Then, amongst the improvements to their manufacturing process, had been the request for test models of marionettes. He'd specified three to begin with.  
  
A tech had thought it would be most amusing and the first marionette supplied for experimental purposes had been an exact (as near as anyone could tell) duplicate of Doctor Lorelei. Doctor Lorelei had *not* been amused upon first meeting her automaton duplicate.  
  
If Doctor Lorelei had known that Ginseng had made brain tapes of HER and downloaded them into the emotionless android copy, well, she wouldn't have seen the irony or the amusement value most likely. Not that he didn't make alterations. Otaru had quite enough trouble without Siryn (the name he'd given to Lorelei's copy) pursuing him.  
  
So a minor programming alteration. It was mainly Lorelei's technical knowledge that had been sought, anyway. A few minor cosmetic changes. Mainly so that if Lorelei suspected any of this she couldn't simply spy upon his lab disguised as Siryn. He'd prepared a nasty if she'd ever tried, not quite forgiving the Doctor for this cycle of resurrections as a female slave.  
  
Maybe it was petty, but finding out that the previous versions had had protocols and overrides hardwired in, including a destruct (NOT a self destruct)and a Slave Mode. Well, he could understand Lorelei and Ieyasu were normally good guys. Good guys who had been scared and thought they were in a corner facing more than merely *personal* destruction. He could understand they were desperate. Didn't mean he liked it at all.  
  
So he hadn't altered Siryn's appearance that much. Internally, he'd installed a number of systems useful for a lab assistant. Things remembered from studying his own cyborg parts or the various other marionettes. Bioscanners in her hands, an uprated battlescanner, computer jack, drug dispenser in the left arm, motion detector, radar system, uprated dexterity, compartments containing tools and supplies, and a cooling system that didn't involve arm vents. Musical talents had been added, just so that he could have some tunes at need. Of course, this meant some tradeoffs. Physical strength, speed, and endurance were about human level - or at least about supermodel level. Actually his current form was still stronger than Siryn.  
  
(And the Nasty little trick he'd planned had actually gone off. Lorelei had deactivated Siryn, put in some colored contacts, and had snuck into Ginseng's lab despite assurances from Ieyasu and everyone else that the lab area would remain off-limits, part of the deal that had been arranged for the development of these new improvements. Ginseng knew, but the doctor herself did not. That was when he had made those brain tapes of her, as well as putting in something for emergencies. Turnabout was fair play, after all.)  
  
Siryn hadn't been the only marionette devised or enhanced by Ginseng, of course. Rei Ayanami as a marionette had seemed somehow appropriate, though her enhancements were nearly identical to Siryn's. The ersatz albino was now working at Castle Japonesse. Trading off that unit, he'd put together a few other units - explaining that a single unified force like the Sabre Marionette O series was good for everyday tasks but a group of diverse talents was useful for emergencies and to have on hand. Or, as he'd later explained it, there are times for an Army and times for a Special Forces.  
  
Out of the units he'd upgraded for Castle Japonesse and Ieyasu, he'd kept three around. As with Doctor Lorelei's duplicate, he hadn't had any choices as to the body styling. He had a feeling that the same wag whose sense of humor had decided he'd get Siryn had been responsible for the others. Well, he'd altered the appearances a bit. Besides, he was *supposed* to experiment.  
  
As Siryn filled out the repair function, that had left combat and domestic skills. It was a pity that not one of the three were designed to HIS specifications. He otherwise wouldn't have chosen to have those two. Painful memories involved with both.  
  
Installing an Ishi Kairo had been put off until that very morning, and all three were currently drinking in the world around them with an extra spark and curiosity that hadn't been there before.  
  
"Where?" Siryn asked, still struggling with her pack.  
  
Ginseng smiled. Questioning was the likely next stage in the Ishi Kairo development. "Out there, thataway!"  
  
Siryn pouted, mirrored by her sisters. That hadn't been much of an answer at all.  
  
---------  
  
Akumakun/Ranma timeline:  
  
"Okay, YOU!" Akane leaned against the doorway unsteadily. "You've had this coming!"  
  
Nabiki fell off her chair snickering, NOT landing on her feet, hearing an unintended double meaning. Akane, of course, missed it.  
  
Jared rolled his eyes and continued watching the television. Akane wasn't worth his missing an episode of "Bishojo Senshi Sailor Moon" that he hadn't seen before. One of the few benefits of being in 1992 Japan, he felt, was that there was some really good anime to be perused.  
  
"Don't you DARE ignore me!" Akane angrily strode forward, though her knees were still wobbly. "That was a dirty rotten..."  
  
At that point her aforementioned wobbly knees gave out, and she toppled.  
  
Jared rescued the popcorn, but couldn't help but notice that Akane had buried her nose in the zipper of his trousers. "Uhm, Akane, it's nice that you're trying to apologize and all, but I'm sincerely not interested."  
  
Akane flashed up, eyes big, but her legs still were on strike and she ended up landing on her bottom on the floor. Legs spread in the direction of her recent landing pad.  
  
"Pervert," summed up Jared, turning his attention back to the television. ~Hmmmm. So Sailor Saturn is actively feared by Pluto, Uranus, and Neptune. They try to kill her and repeatedly state that Saturn needs to be eliminated, and yet Uranus and Neptune become her legal guardians?! Had the writer taken leave of her senses or was she just unable to handle any more characters being associated with the "core group?" I think she'd have done much better dumping "the Spore" and having Hotaru stay with Makoto or Rei...~  
  
"AHHHHHH!" Rage got Akane up on her feet again.   
  
"Oh shush!" Jared noticed Ranma coming up behind Akane.  
  
"You watch a girl's TV series?" Ranma looked from the TV to his brother, likewise ignoring the five foot tower of outrage glowing fitfully nearby.  
  
"At a certain level of mastery, ANYTHING becomes martial arts practice or training," Jared reminded Ranma. "Observe this chi attack. Aqua Rhapsody!"  
  
Noting that Akane (now with a rather shocked expression) was abruptly contained in an icy pillar, Ranma flopped down on the couch next to his brother. "Good enough. Pass the popcorn, will ya?"  
  
Nabiki sighed and dragged Akane outside, then went back in to cuddle her koibito.  
  
Not that Ranma noticed. He spent most of the program trying to figure out how to do a "Mars Flame Sniper".   
  
Kasumi saw Akane from her window, sighed deeply, slipped a wig on and went to get an icepick. It sounded as if her father was *still* weeping over the loss. There was, just for a moment, this intense urge from Kasumi to go in and shake her father by the collar, slapping him repeatedly in the face and declare that this was HIS fault and that he should grow up and take responsibility for it. Just for a moment.  
  
Kasumi instead went down the stairs to chip Akane out of the ice. Akane had been trying to be nice and helpful and fix dinner. Kasumi had even ASKED Akane to fix the dinner, noting that Akane had enjoyed it prior to her dropping out of Martial Arts Ranching, and Akane had made such wonderful if bizarre and nonJapanese meals. Then she'd changed again and now...  
  
Kasumi almost wept as she caught her own reflection in the ice. She'd have to pencil her eyebrows in again...  
  
---------  
  
Elsewhere, same timeline:  
  
"Boss, why aren't we going after that Akane girl anymore?" Idaho asked, eating a hot sweet potato.  
  
"I'm glad you asked," said Black Bart, pulling an slide projector out of nowhere and turning it on. The image of was of Akane wearing her cowgirl outfit. "This is the Akane we knew prior to that report about her giving up the Ranching business. A skilled rider, cook, well mannered, good singing voice, a right fine student of the Old West Style o' Martial Arts. Just the fittin' proper image of an Old West Cowgirl Hero."  
  
"Yeah, boss?" Idaho didn't see the point.  
  
The image changed to Akane at her school, in a proper school uniform, yelling at some boy in a kendo outfit. "This is Akane now. She can't ride a horse near as well, in fact her old horse refuses to have anything to do with her. Can't cook, spends a lot of her time yelling, says the Old West style of Martial Arts is just silly, and refuses to dress for the range."  
  
Oregon nodded. "Si, I think maybe Senorita Tendo practicing Three Stooges Style Of Martial Arts now. Just from what I've seen."  
  
It clicked for Idaho. "So... she isn't a proper hero at all, much less a proper damsel in distress."  
  
Black Bart nodded and changed the image. There came a few whistles from his men. "Now this here gal is a different story. Why, she be the VERY image of the feminine ingenue - a perfect damsel in distress. Sweet, kind, a full set of domestic type skills, lovely voice too though I haven't heard her sing."  
  
Colorado cleared his throat. "Uhm, boss. That there Akane mixed some stuff you normally don't mix, and that there ingenue done lost all her hair as a result!"  
  
Black Bart smiled in a manner that suggested fangs. "We've got a solution to that. I contacted an old buddy from Villains R Us and got a bottle of Hair Fastgro. When we capture her, we'll use it on this Kasumi Tendo - and I'll marry her before the night is out!"  
  
"Gee, Boss," Idaho puzzled over something else. "How come you want to marry her? What about Sherry and Ranko and that Nabiki girl?"  
  
Black Bart tipped his hat forward so his eyes were shaded a little more. "Y'all can decide who marries whom out of that bunch. I hear that Kasumi's the best cook, so that's the one I'm hankering for."  
  
"Oh my!" Idaho flinched at everyone's stare. "Sorry, it just seemed the appro thing to say."  
  
"Don't worry, boys," Black Bart assured his Dozen Thieves. "We've got a surprise ally right in their camp!"  
  
-----------  
  
Third Labor timeline 776 AD:  
  
Human guise in place, the dragon tried to blend in with the locals. Besides, it took a few minutes for the dragon talent for comprehending languages cut in.  
  
"Did you see that girl throwing herself at yon Lareth? I'm telling you, girls in my day had more dignity!"  
  
"It be that new dance they're doing, Edna. It's positively indecent, they dance so close and frantically. Och, tis scandalous!"  
  
Grey nodded at one of those walking on the street, the other glared back. Details began making themselves known. The buildings were simple wood, nothing fancy, no glass visible. Thatch was mainly in evidence as a roofing material.  
  
Horses, not many though. Even so, the streetsweepers obviously didn't work the area that often. The tracks were more revealing. Most horses lacked shoes. Everything looked rather crude and simply made. So... prior to the Millenium?   
  
The tavern was obvious, a drunk passed out in the street adequate sign. Wine and "small beer" were safer than water to drink, at least until the concept of boiling caught on. Grey entered, making mental note of the central firepit, the rough wooden stools, and that the floor was almost as bad as the street outside.  
  
The barkeep was probably in his mid 30s, he only looked closer to 60. One eye, scraggly beard, looked like the last time he'd bathed was when/if he was baptized. "Here now, what'll you have?"  
  
Five copper coins were deposited on what a generous soul might dub the counter. "Answers." He wasn't sure what was safe to drink, even if he could always do a Cure Disease later. Or would his being a shapeshifted dragon give him immunity to little things in the local water system?   
  
The barkeep frowned and looked from Grey to the coins distrustfully. "Wealthy fellow, eh? Hmmmph. What kinda answers ye wanting?"  
  
"i've been out of touch with things of late. Spent a lot of time out in the woods. Need to hear what's been going on."  
  
The barkeep nodded and took one of the coins, immediately labeling the stranger as a trapper or poacher. None of his business. "Ye heard about Offa's men?"  
  
"Offa?" Grey considered, but the name didn't ring a bell.  
  
"The King, man! Are ye lost? The King of Mercia! They be looking for able bodied men to build some great dyke."  
  
"Well, yes, i *am* a bit lost," Grey admitted.  
  
"Thought so! HAH! Ye be in Kent. Nay, Offa calls himself the equal of Charlemagne, but that be just a lot of hooey. Mind ye, don't say so afore any of his soldiers!"  
  
"What about the Vikings?"  
  
"What be a Viking?"  
  
Grey nodded, that response helping him to pinpoint the rough date. Difficult as he'd never studied British history, but he *did* know the Vikings were the "scourge from the sea" from around 800 AD until *much* later. "Raiders from lands north of the Picts."  
  
The barkeep spat. On the floor, fortunately. "Picts? Them 'owling savages? Well, them raiders are welcome to them."  
  
Grey nodded. Next stop, the Monastery at Lindisfarne sounded like a good place for directions.  
  
---------  
  
Akane grumbled and looked sullen, but didn't come anywhere NEAR the evil Jared or the ignorant obnoxious jerk Ranma. Instead she merely watched from a distance.  
  
Much less the purple haired bimbo and weirdo with the spatula. And why was Kasumi out there?  
  
"Now, when you chose to lose the Catfist, Ranma, you lost the technique and the phobia at once." Jared instructed his audience. "As there were elements of a spirit possession present, that cat-spirit was exorcised but it didn't vanish."  
  
Nabiki looked up from licking her paws. "Uhm, is this going where I think it's going?"  
  
Jared nodded. "Now for the good news, the cat spirit is NOT evil, merely feline. And the merger between natures was less traumatic and more complete. Which means that instead of the cat-phobia, Nabiki's original personality had feline qualities which were enhanced to dominance. Yes, Kasumi?"  
  
"Natural feline qualities?" Kasumi blinked, then adjusted her wig as an errant breeze tilted it.  
  
"Playfulness, sneakiness, vain, confident, smug, possessive, comfort-loving," Jared started ticking qualities off on his fingers.  
  
Nabiki pouted and looked hurt.  
  
"Hey," Ranma protested, "Nabiki's a nice girl!"  
  
"That too," agreed Jared, having gotten to know the new Nabiki of late.   
  
Nabiki purred and rubbed against Ranma, spurring protests from Shampoo and Ukyo as well as an "oh my" from Kasumi. Akane merely rolled her eyes and thought about how weird her family had gotten, and how to return them to normal would only require the removal of three Saotomes.  
  
Fortunately, she knew just how to do it!  
  
---------  
  
Jared watched Kasumi, feeling regret. Besides, it was a commercial break. He was simply glad that none of his ersatz wives could see that 'Skysaber - the anime' was playing in *this* reality. Or that the Tendos hadn't made the connection.  
  
There came the sound of a bicycle bell and Shampoo bounced onto his tummy. "Nihao, brother to Ranma!" Then she'd recovered and made a glomp at her beloved, leaving Jared alone. Ukyo had came at the same time as the Chinese girl and now Kasumi was unwittingly making peace by her reappearance with a plate full of cookies which she offered to both guests.  
  
Jared watched Kasumi being just darling in spite of her own personal grief (the doctor had no idea when or even *if* the hair would grow back. He'd started comparing it to cancer patients and now Mr. Tendo was crying out of fear as well as self-misery).  
  
Actually the redhaired youth was feeling something of a heel. He'd done *very* little good since his arrival here, at least by his standards. Granted he'd been near-mortally wounded and that hadn't been any fun, nor was his recovery all that....  
  
Several factors *clicked* for the mage all at once! His magic was no longer the simple spell point recovery system he'd grow accustomed to since his merger with his D&D character. It had elements of both Ygdrassil god-powers and a *BIG* chunk of Silver Millennium power thrown in. While waiting around would recharge one it had *nothing* to do with recharging the others, both of which had some hefty and specific demands.  
  
In fact...  
  
...There were SUBSTANTIAL and *BAD* repercussions if either lay unattended at low power for too long, only ONE of which was the total loss of those powers!  
  
That counted as an *Emergency* by any book he was willing to go by!  
  
Fortunately, one recharged Silver Millennium powers by raw emotion. That fright was enough for another blast of that brand of power into the tanks, and by golly he wasn't going to let the other lie neglected a minute longer! Kissing was his recharge, kissing would be done!!  
  
But he'd do it with those of his *own* choosing! Too many natives were embroiled in this already.  
  
Jared's magic items had been the worst ones to suffer in his battle with the demon lord, now expired, and hadn't been coming back practically at *all*, which was worrisome. He'd been planning to look into it, but now didn't spare the time.  
  
The redhead flew to his feet, striking a dramatic stance and drawing forth a dagger which he reanimated certain powers of by a flash of Silver Millennium power from his admittedly low stock.   
  
Akane was standing by glowing hatefully, but he was too disdainful of her to notice.  
  
Holding the dagger out to one side, the recovering Pheonix Mage said the word "Thunder" and the weapon grew to a short sword. Holding it to the other he repeated the word and it grew again, then once more it was done to reveal a long sword.  
  
With this elongated version, Jared held the blade above his head and shouted "Thundercats! Ho!!!" Sending out a Silver Millennium piggyback on the signal as well.  
  
By absurd coincidence, a certain bald panda looking a *great* deal like a giant, hairless rat had chosen that precise moment to come walking out of the Tendo hall toting a large device he had 'appropriated' from Jared's room and was FAR too stupid to realize was a Robotechnology repeating rocket launcher (half disassembled to correct a minor feed quirk, now reassembled and gleaming and set out for the sealant to dry).  
  
He'd already sold two wristwatches and a surgical kit to eager buyers, but wanted at least to know what this *was* before he tried that, so he could set a price, and had settled on the subtle and ingenious scheme of toting it out and shouting "Boy, what is this!" to get that information.  
  
He was feeling a trifle sullen and angry after the youth had convinced pre-restored Akane to 'refresh' that brand once it had been disturbed by those spur marks.  
  
Unfortunately for Genma, the bear emerged holding the device quite naturally, which happened to be by the handles, which meant that it was to every appearance an angry, giant, mutant rat youma pointing the Robotech weapon straight at Jared when the troops arrived.  
  
---------  
  
777 AD:  
  
"Ah, young man, just the fellow I wanted to see!"  
  
Grey set another block into place and turned to observe the priest slowly making his way down the the trail. "Father, you shouldn't do that, you could have just sent word and i'd have come to see you."  
  
The priest looked over the wall being erected and tapped it with a fist as if trying to gauge its strength. Grey continued to watch silently for a few moments, then lifted another block of stone onto the wall.  
  
"You came to this monastery four months ago, young man. You've given a name but admitted it isn't your own. You've done incredible things and made many friends. You know many things, but many things that you should know you don't." The priest seemed to be speaking to the wall. "You certainly don't shirk hard work, but some of your daily rituals and ideas seem strange and exotic."  
  
"I suppose," Grey admitted. Privately he was saddened, the priests here were (with few exceptions) good people and he had rather enjoyed his time with them. There was a certain satisfaction in hard work, especially when you could see the daily fruits of your labors. He'd miss having to leave.  
  
"Who are you, Mister Bond?"  
  
"A traveler. Called Grey by some, but i've had dozens of names and don't remember my original one any longer. Names and terms vary wildly in usage across the lands."  
  
Father James nodded, fitting this in with the theories he'd already developed. When the boy had shown up, he'd given the name "James Bond" but it had seemed some private joke. "What do you seek here?"  
  
"i sought information when i arrived. Now i'm not sure what i seek."  
  
"You asked many questions about China." Father James considered blocks, easily weighing seventy five pounds apiece, that the young man had been hauling about and setting into place. He glanced out of the corner of his eye at the young man. "And about the developments of our land."  
  
Grey shrugged. "i mean no harm to anyone here. Everyone's good people here. Well, except maybe Brother Wolt."  
  
Father James chuckled. "Well, Brother Wolt is quite popular in that regard. So, you are here because you have nowhere else to go, and you are not at liberty to speak of your past. Am I right so far?"  
  
"You have the right of it, so far," agreed Grey.  
  
"Boiled water poured over herbs in a wickerwork container, producing tonics for many ills." Father James spoke quietly. "A manner of seperating out fibers so that paper may be produced cheaply. You spoke of crop rotation before word of it reached our isolated spot. That which you've told us intrigues me, and that which you've hinted at even more."  
  
Grey fitted another block and slumped where he stood. "If you want me to go, i shall."  
  
"Go?" Father James chuckled. "No. What I came to ask you of was that peasant lass who came here yesterday. She was dying and there was little that could be done. Even with what you have spoken of cleansing wounds of foreign influence and of exorcising the foul from the flesh, *that* was beyond what could be accomplished easily by e'en the most accomplished of chirurgeons. For the most part, the youngers are in awe. How did you do it?"  
  
"i have... methods."  
  
Father James nodded. "Well, Brother Wolt has penned a letter to complain to the Archbishop, stating you are some foul sorcerer. As if foul sorcerers would dirty their hands with labor like this or cry about a soul lost such as you did when that penitent died two weeks ago."  
  
"So you came to warn me," noted Grey.  
  
"It will take two months for the letter to reach the Archbishop." Father James sat down with a grunt. "Will you speak plainly to me? You are not of the Devil: you take joy in hard work and the betterment of others, you seek to heal the sick and uncover God's mysteries. I may be old but my eyes still see and it seems to me that a seeker of truth is ill allied with the Prince of Lies."  
  
Grey sighed. "i may not. i will tell you this though, Father, have this wall finished. Men from the North shall come from the sea in two decades and lay waste to all you have wrought if you do not."  
  
Father James considered the outrageous statement, and considered the source. "From the sea? Very well, a final question. Before you go, is it possible to pass some of these methods on?"  
  
Grey was prepared to deny it, but saw the desire burning in Father James' eyes. The desire to help others and spare their suffering when possible. He didn't have any equipment he didn't have secreted in a mountain cleft, save a few changes of clothing.   
  
It was a fourth level spell, and one he'd been considering trying anyway. "Father James, this might not work, but i think it's worth a shot..."  
  
The old priest cocked his head like a bird. "What do you need me to do?"  
  
"Stay there. Pray." Grey drew in a deep breath, and shifted to angelform ignoring the sudden intake of breath from the priest.  
"From within the holy light,  
spark anew and now grow bright,  
if allowed by faithful heart,  
imbue with spells of clerical part,  
i humbly ask thy gift bestow,  
that cause of Good may now grow."  
  
"What?" Father James was rather surprised by the golden light and feeling of peace. Not to mention what he'd seen in the glow.  
  
"'Imbue With Spell Ability'- if it worked you'll be able to channel healing magic. Try praying for such tomorrow. Perhaps we'll meet again, Father. Look for me in 794 or thereabouts." With that, Grey leapt over the wall and flew again for the first time in four months.  
  
Father James looked thoughtfully out at the glittering winged figure, then turned to trudge back to the cloister. Brother Keian had kept a record of the many things that Mister Bond had suggested or done. Perhaps he needed to look at them over again.  
  
=============  
  
Choice votes for the rewrite of "Fist Of Orion":  
Akane survives, dojo doesn't - 4, No forgiveness - 14, Original - 6, Splattered Akane - 12.  
  
Oh, and what was sang on the way home that day?  
  
"Keep movin', movin', movin',  
Though they're disapprovin',  
Keep them dogies movin', rawhide.  
Don't try to understand 'em,  
Just rope 'em, throw, and brand 'em.  
Soon we'll be livin' high and wide.  
My heart's calculatin',  
My true love will be waitin',  
Be waitin' at the end of my ride.  
  
"Move 'em on, head 'em up,  
Head 'em up, move 'em on,  
Move 'em on, head 'em up, rawhide!  
Head 'em out, ride 'em in,  
Ride 'em in, let 'em out,  
Cut 'em out, ride 'em in, rawhide!"  
  
"Keep rollin', rollin', rollin',  
Though the streams are swollen,  
Keep them dogies rollin', rawhide.  
Through rain and wind and weather,  
Hell bent for leather,  
Wishin' my gal was by my side.  
All the things I'm missin',  
Good vittles, love and kissin',  
Are waiting at the end of my ride."  
  
"Move 'em on, head 'em up,  
Head 'em up, move 'em on,  
Move 'em on, head 'em up, rawhide! yee-ha!  
Head 'em out, ride 'em in,  
Ride 'em in, let 'em out,  
Cut 'em out, ride 'em in, rawhide!  
RAWHIDE!!!"  
  
planned the scene but couldn't work it in.  
  
===========  
  
Third Labor, Chapter 12 "Past Tense, Future Shock"  
...or "To Sleep, Perchance To Dream"  
  
Disclaimer: no smear or insult is intended against the Catholic church, Christianity, Buddhism, Shintoism, Taoism, Zen, Judaism, or any particular race or creed. Well, except for uncute violent tomboys who lack redeeming qualities.   
  
some scenes written by Skysaber  
  
---------  
  
What impressed Naoko Takeuchi was that the girls obviously weren't trying. She was resting in one of her favorite places in the park, trying to think of what to do now that Sailor Moon was finally laid to rest, going through the options she had planned for her next series, whichever *that* would be, when ten girls had sauntered up and casually taken their seats on the lawn not far from her.  
  
That was actually an aspect of this part of the park the manga artist loved so much, was that it was private in a way others didn't expect. She had based several of her best characters off of moments of other's personalities she had observed from here. She thought of it as her duck blind or African Safari for observing people being honestly who they were.  
  
These girls were blowing her for a loop, and one of the *biggest* things was they were being so casual about it. Even the best actor knows he is on stage, many of them turn that into a type of magnetism to draw their viewers onto the stage with them, immersed in a world of the actor's creating.  
  
This wasn't like that, not at all.  
  
As far as the manga artist could tell these girls had *no* idea they were on stage, and one of the biggest things convincing her of their honesty is what they were getting wrong. Naoko was no stranger to fans or kids doing cosplay, but something here felt different. She was actually considering going over there and introducing herself to see what their reactions would be when one by one several of the girls broke out bawling.  
  
And it was *not* who she'd have written doing it!  
  
She stayed obscure and watched.  
  
"There, there..." Mina comforted a wailing Susan. "I'm sure he's alright."  
  
*sniff!* "But I should have seen this happening!" the off-duty Scout of Time wailed, trembling under her sister-wife's comforting fingertips. "He may be hurt even *more!*"  
  
Two big teardrops gathered under the corners of Amy's eyes. "And I should be blamed for not seeing to it that he had proper medical help, rather than going off to those refugees like I did." The tears began to run like waterfalls. "He's all alone and I didn't do a thing for him!" Amy buried her head in her sleeve and fountained twin streams of tears as she bawled.  
  
Rae was sniffing dangerously. "Maybe he doesn't believe any of us still loves him?"  
  
Naoko was watching the girls cry and felt like a heel, overhearing their words when whatever they were going through got to them even out in public. There was something so desperately fascinating about them, however. In spite of this, she almost got up to leave them some privacy, when she was stopped by what came next.  
  
~Luna? Artemis?!?~ The manga author thought in shock.  
  
"Ladies!" The black cat called out, nearly causing the bookish author to have a stroke as it raced quite near her position. Luna came to a halt, panting, and Artemis (who she'd always had a though was a little braver cat) proved his stamina by not being so winded.  
  
"We think we've found him!" The white cat finished.  
  
All ten girls came erect at one instant. The spell was broken by a caw breaching the air and the dark haired girl Ms. Takeuchi thought was a dead ringer for her own Sailor Mars character shifted her gaze skyward and held up an arm, on which landed twin ravens, who cawed some more at her.  
  
"That's confirmed!" The suddenly galvanized girl cried, rising to her feet smoothly and without dislodging her birds. "Phobos and Diemos just spotted him!"  
  
There was an instant where the manga artist was positively certain she saw all-too familiar symbols flare on each girl's forehead, and all of their gazes swung in one direction as a single united motion. Somehow they were all now standing.  
  
"Silver Millennium Energy!"  
  
"His powers must have recharged themselves!"  
  
A huge, glowing symbol appeared in the sky above, that the artist couldn't quite make out from her vantage point, as it was behind her with some trees in her way, blocking it from her view.  
  
"That's the Thundercat sign!"  
  
"He must be in real trouble!!"  
  
"Scouts!" Mina turned to address her group glowing in confidence. "This calls for an emergency transformation sequence! Let's do it!"  
  
There came a single, united nod, and they all produced little wands that Naoko Takeuchi had drawn *far* too many times not to recognize at this close distance. But this was absurd! It then struck her that she'd never actually seen the like of these. There was a look to cheap plastic toys for girls, and these didn't have it. If anything the short wands bore the marks of *real* otherworldly metals and *real* gems, about the size of golf balls capping them. All of this registered kind of dazedly in the back of the artist's mind as she watched with stunned fascination what went on after this.  
  
The girl who she'd thought a dead ringer for her own Sailor Neptune raised a hand above her head and spoke a single word.  
  
"Cloudburst."  
  
There wasn't even a crack of thunder, but suddenly their clear summer sky became the most dreadful torrent of rain the artist could remember. Shielding her eyes with her hands, the amazed woman noted that the ordinary parkgoers, some of whom had become interested in the antics of the young ladies, were now scattering and picking up blankets and food, paying NO attention to the young ladies in their haste to avoid getting drenched.  
  
And those girls smoothly took advantage of this.  
  
The first to leap into the sky was the girl who looked like Venus, and her friends all formed a barrier around her by throwing their party blankets such that there was a moment that the girl was totally obscured, even for their audience of one who was ignoring the pouring rain to peer through the dampness.  
  
"Venus Star Power!"  
  
What part of the artist's mind was gibbering at her that this was insane and couldn't be happening and maybe she ought to go a little more easy on herself was drowned out by an analytical portion that noted the brief yet intense flash of light from the transformation sequence was confused by the park attendees busily going about their business as ordinary lightning. In her astonishment the author nearly missed the same sequence of thrown blankets repeated for the next girl as Sailor Venus hit the ground.  
  
"Jupiter Star Power!"  
  
The author stood stunned, gripped in fascination in spite of the obscuring sheets of pouring rain as the same sequence was repeated for eight other girls, ending with the redhead calling out.  
  
"Earth Star Power!"  
  
~That can't be right.~ The part of Ms. Takeuchi's mind that wasn't terrified she'd gone insane was cataloging. ~I made Tuxedo Mask the guardian of Earth. This girl looks nothing like him, in either form.~ She noted as the perky Sailor touched down.  
  
Then, as soon as it had appeared, the rain was over. There were puddles on the ground in low places but most of the park goers hadn't even picked up all of their things yet.  
  
A bolt of inspiration struck the artist as she noted the disarray, though. There was no way of knowing who had bolted for cover quickly and almost no one was in the same places. The Sailors might have started and ended in the same spot they'd begun, but there was no way any onlooker would know that. Even the rain had added concealment factor, not just diversion.  
  
It was brilliant!  
  
Seeing the storm over, one guy who'd lurked fairly nearby noted the girls in *veeery* short skirts and ceased wringing out his jacket to call out to them some invitation or other.  
  
Sailor Neptune had just finished fluffing out her hair after the change, and shot him a stunning yet negatory smile, flashing him a gorgeous gold ring with a huge stone that Naoko had noted on each girl and had been puzzled about. It didn't fit the...  
  
"Sorry," Neptune turned down the man. "We are all married ladies."  
  
An author's jaw fell open wide enough to catch bugs in.  
  
Sailor Uranus gave a confident glance to one and all. "And our husband needs us. Earth Golems! Rise!" The Sailor tossed a fist in the air and three hulking shapes began to stand up out of the ground.  
  
~Husband?! Singular?!~ Takeuchi felt faint.  
  
"Air Golems! Fly!" Cried out another Sailor.  
  
"Fire Golems!" Mars cried out.  
  
"Ice Golems!" Mercury shouted, producing a trio of watery servants that had formerly been rainwater puddles.  
  
"Water Golems!" Neptune commanded, claiming the rest, and even the water from some of their observer's clothes.  
  
"Time Golems!" Pluto announced very smugly, watching three figures fade into existence, each so difficult to look upon it was like gazing into a hole through eternity, like infinite reflections without the mirrors.  
  
An author's hair stood out in all directions and her head was nodding, so she missed the rest of these summonings. But a crook who had been hanging out in the park did not. Mindful of the manga, the criminal pulled out a gun and leveled it at the Sailor Scouts in panic, absolutely certain that they had come there just to punish him, and too terrified to rationally accept they shouldn't even exist.  
  
*Bang!*  
  
Venus' head tilted sharply to the side as the gunshot struck her in the side of the face. Her gaze righted itself, hand rubbing her cheek, as she spied the criminal. "That stings, you know!" She shouted.  
  
The horrified gangster began to empty his clip at her, and the perky Sailor Scout seemed to blur as she dodged aside.  
  
"Meteor Beam Shower!"  
  
Naoko was so caught up in watching the beam of light emerge from the girl's fingertip and splitting up, to converge again and strike the gangster from every side in a magnificent explosion, that she almost didn't notice whose arms she was in until Jupiter set her down again.  
  
"Sorry," the Scout apologized, giving the artist a flashy fingertip kind of reverse salute like she'd drawn them giving. "But you were in the way of those bullets, had to get you out of their path."  
  
The manga artist nodded numbly. Then watched from only a foot or so away as the girls all went into identical wind up poses, crying out together. "Eternal Pheonix Wings!" Then they all flew off, trailing some golems while others went on ahead, even the earth-types flying without difficulty and shielding the Sailors rather well in formation.  
  
Absorbing the last of this, Naoko Takeuchi fainted.  
  
-----------  
  
"...you OK? Miss?"  
  
Naoko woke up slowly, wondering at the odd dream she'd had. Opening her eyes, she saw reason to wonder if she was still dreaming.  
  
The gaijin bishonen in camouflage fatigues backed away from her.   
  
"Master?" One of the girls accompanying him looked curiously at him. "Why did your appearance change? And how did we cross dimensions?"  
  
"A designated Prince of the Moon Kingdom summoned all the Knights and Scouts to him. By carrying you with me, we fell short. Hurry now, the Prince might be in danger!"  
  
"Knights?" Naoko asked.  
  
"i am the Knight Of Duty, Nebula. Sumi-chan, carry Siryn."  
  
"Actually, now that we're not likely to be confused, I'd prefer to just be called Lorelei," Siryn said as she was hefted up into a girl's arms.  
  
"Uhm 'Knight of Duty'..." Naoko asked, watching the foursome leave at high speeds. She felt like fainting again. But if she did that, what would she wake up to the next time?!  
  
----------  
  
785 AD:   
  
"Come out, foul wyrm! For thy doom is upon thee!"  
  
"Wouldn't you rather have a nice cup of tea? i've got the water on to boil."  
  
The six man squad exchanged glances among themselves with uncertainty. This cave with the faint smoke trail had been the fifth they'd investigated (the previous four turning up two hermits, a husband who had fled a shrewish wife, and a prospector) and they hadn't really expected an answer.  
  
The Commander, Julius Hennington, cleared his throat. "Uhm, are we to understand that you *are* in fact the dragon sighted flying through this area?"  
  
"Quite, though i thought the area largely deserted. Uhm, sorry if i startled anyone, it certainly wasn't my intention."  
  
"First he invites us to tea, then he apologizes for creating a nuisance. This is NOT what i envisaged for a Dragon Hunt," Mallory complained.  
  
"Quiet, you," Julius commanded and drew his sword. "Come out now, that you may perish on my blade which was blessed by a holy man of Lindisfarne!"  
  
"Oh?" There came the sounds of something BIG moving through the hillside cavern. "How *is* Father James of late?"  
  
Julius held his sword confidently up until the shape moved out into the light. Then he felt rather less confident and was glad that he'd just taken a piss a few minutes before. The evil beast was ten times the size of any of his men, with claws longer than his sword! The creature's wicked sharp teeth were thicker around than his leg and could likely bite through his armor in a heartbeat.  
  
"Madre de Dios!"   
  
"I thought you were agnostic?"  
  
"Guy's got the right to change his mind!"  
  
"Dragon? I don't see no stinking dragon! Well, guess we ought to go home!"  
  
Julius thought that running away and getting reinforcements sounded like a good idea. The problem was that his knees weren't doing so good.  
  
Mallory looked over the huge gleaming dragon and came to a conclusion. "You said something about tea?"  
  
"Mint or comfrey?" The reptile inquired.  
  
"Mint," Mallory said, sheathing his sword and walking forward. The creature was big, powerful, and could likely run them all down before they could get out of this rock-strewn hilly area back to where the horses were. In a fight, six men armed with good steel *might* be able to cause serious injury. The problem Mallory had with this picture was that the six men would be dead at the end of that fight. "I suppose a good cup of ale is out of the question."  
  
"Afraid so, haven't much use for it myself. i've a small herb garden not far from here, which is always nice."  
  
"Might I see it? Me girlfriend, Susan, she loves to grow herbs."  
  
"Really? i'd like to meet her. There's a lot of herbs i just haven't been able to find. Hmmm. Why not? It's up on that hill to the North."  
  
Julius blinked a few times as Mallory and the dragon went back into the cave. "Uhm..."  
  
Five minutes later, Mallory returned, holding a crudely made wooden teacup from which he sipped.  
  
"Mallory! Did you kill it?" Julius had wondered if that was Mallory's plan, get inside its claws then thrust home while the thing was offguard.  
  
"Kill it? Why would I do that?" Mallory sipped again at the tea. "Makes a lovely mint blend tea. Has all sorts of herbs drying in his cave. Besides, I promised I'd bring Susan up here sometime. She'd love a look at a dragon's herb garden, I think."  
  
"AAAHHHHHGGGHHH!" Commander Julius Hennington was having trouble with this whole assignment. "We're here to kill the evil beast!"  
  
Mallory shrugged and set the now-empty cup on the ground. "Our assignment was to kill the 'evil beast terrorizing the countryside and bring back its hoard'. How many evil beasts have an herb garden, offer you afternoon tea, or apologize for the inconvenience?"  
  
"Well there's my Aunt Edna..." *THWACK* "Ow!"  
  
"Quiet, Perim." Julius had to admit this wasn't going anywhere near what he had planned. "How are we going to explain this?"  
  
"That what we found wasn't an 'evil beast terrorizing the countryside' but a hermit guarding his herb garden?" Mallory suggested.   
  
The dragon exited his cave, taking wing in a few beats and circling the area. Julius eyed the creature estimating his chances. Leather armor vs thick scale, the good steel of his sword against those fangs and claws.  
  
"Works for me. Let's go home."  
  
----------  
  
Asgard: much later  
  
"We've got another one. That makes SIX of these time ripples. Too early to see what the effects are. One looks to be a doozy, though." Celeste had seen this sort of thing happening before. "If it's Grey he's NOT maintaining a low profile."  
  
"Or he's trying and just not being successful," commented Setsuna. "What time are the ripples centered in, and how long before the changes reach the present?"  
  
"Weeks, that timeline has some peculiar temporal characteristics. And... looks like they start in 776 AD. Last one is 785 AD. Well, that lets the Pheonix Mage out. Two ripples in Greenland, a pretty small one in North America, a small one in England, a *big* one in Northern England or Scotland, I'm not sure which it is in that era." Celeste fiddled with a readout. "Hmmm. A ripple in Switzerland? What the heck's in Switzerland in 785?!"  
  
"What about the big one, what's the nature?"  
  
There were few around the Goddess Relief Office who could have brought it up. Celeste was one. "Looks like something put this Deacon named Father James Rihan from obscurity to a major figure of the faith for about a decade. Then he died when the Vikings raided... Lindisfarne. It was the first recorded mention of the Vikings... WHAT?!"  
  
Setsuna looked politely over Celeste's shoulder, somehow having transformed to Sailor Pluto without going through anything resembling a nude transformation sequence. "Looks like another ripple, forming at the Lindisfarne monastery, reinforcing the effects of the earlier change."  
  
"W-w-WAIT!" Ami exclaimed, seeing Sailor Pluto fade away, her smile being the last thing to vanish. "...take me..."  
  
Makoto/Apple placed a hand on her friend's shoulder. "Don't worry Ami-chan. If anyone can reach him across the timestream, Setsuna can."  
  
Ami didn't bother to mention that THAT was part of her worries.  
  
----------  
  
Lindisfarne, 793 AD:  
  
"Get down, Father!" Brother Leul yelled before an arrow gave ample demonstration as to why.  
  
The Deacon frowned and looked around at his fellows. "Well? It appears that these raiders have no respect for our being men of cloth."  
  
"We could surrender!" Father Wolt looked a bit wild around the eyes.  
  
"That's what those by the docks tried, and these savages cut them down."   
  
"Heavenly Father," prayed the priest known as James. "We need some assistance. Please send your servant to intercede in this matter."  
  
"Amen," intoned everyone except Wolt.  
  
"Rrraaaaggghhhhh!"  
  
Everyone stared for a moment at Wolt.   
  
Keian cleared his throat. "Father James, you aren't playing pranks with sheep's bladders or something similar at a time like this, are you?"  
  
"Rrrraagghhhhhh!"  
  
James looked out at the rubble. "Ah, actually, I don't think it was Brother Wolt's food OR a sheep's bladder this time."  
  
---------  
  
He'd flown in at his current ceiling, roughly 12,000 feet. (He lacked an Altimeter spell.) At that altitude he was a glittering dot to most of the locals.  
  
He'd lost track of time again, and it hadn't been until Mallory and his wife Susan had appeared with their child that he'd realized how much time had passed.  
  
Upon seeing the monastery being attacked, he'd reacted. That was always a factor while being a dragon, they tended to be very emotional and swung from one extreme to another. Seeing the monastery being raided, he knew he should have gone elsewhere. He was trying *not* to interfere too much with the timeline. He just got carried away.  
  
Such as now.  
  
Wings shifted, and the dragon lost altitude quickly, increasing in speed as he dove. As he approached the water, the wings shifted again to level the flight off. He rocketed past longboats and was surprised when a spear actually connected in the moment he was near them  
  
Unfortunately for the spearman, Grey's hide was thick enough that it bounced. He looped around, and this time his breath weapon shot out. Aimed at the slope leading to the monastery, the blast of frost didn't do much damage, merely caused ice to coat the area.  
  
Grey roared twice, and settled down for the fight.  
  
--------  
  
In a place that was not a place, a black cat smirked. Mischief was his purvue after all, and there was much mischief to be made here.  
  
The question was, who was renewing Grey's spells. Though there might be some delicious irony should he do it himself, the Elder of Mischief knew that he wouldn't have been able to resist putting little twists in the spells that would have revealed him.  
  
Toltiir nudged things slightly, then withdrew. A slight touch or two, that was all that was needed. For now.  
  
--------  
  
"The forces of evil are upon us!" Wolt cried, his plans for politically rising through the ranks of the church hierarchy currently replaced with the desire for staying alive.  
  
"I don't think so," said the bookish Father Keian. "Look at the way the dragon's scales gleam. The very color is silver, is it not?"  
  
"I'm too young to die! I have a chance of gaining the ear of the Archbishop! I am *this* close to gaining a position at York!"  
  
Everyone's gaze turned pitying (or disgusted) towards Wolt. Finally James spoke, inquiring as to what Keian found significant.  
  
"Silver, as everyone knows is a pure metal, it is said to be the bane of werewolves and other foul creatures, is it not?" Keian pointed towards the dragon now darting in and out of the spear range of raiders on the shore. "Also note the dragon is seeking to drive them off, not aid them."  
  
Wolt uncurled slightly, hoping despite himself. "So the forces of evil have turned upon themselves. As soon as it has finished with its competition, we shall be destroyed!"  
  
"Nay, for I do see what young Keian describes. Were the beast truly an evil beast, would it not eat the raiders, not simply sweep them into the seas with its tail? Would it throw the raiders aside or drive them like a shepherd does his flock towards their own boats were it unconcerned with human life?" James spared a glance towards Wolt. "We are men, not merely of the cloth, but of God. Should we quibble or make demands on the Almighty as to the nature of the aid he sends us in dire times?"  
  
"But, tis a SERPENT!" Wolt protested. Everyone knew that dragons were evil creatures of Heaven's Adversary, did they not?  
  
"Serpents have not legs," pointed out Keian. "Nor wings upon which they may ascend to the heavens. Besides, even a serpent be one of His creatures and worthy of respect. Who are we to put limits on what He may do?"  
  
"Our scribe has a point," said James, cutting off any further response from Wolt. "So, as these raiders seek to despoil a House of the Lord, there is one thing that I see that we may do!"  
  
"What's that?" Wolt asked.  
  
"Deal with the ones that goodly servant missed," answered James, picking up a cudgel. "Saint Cuthbert, shrive my foe and guide my aim!"  
  
--------  
  
Akumakun/Ranma timeline:  
  
Ranma was about to ask Jared if Nabiki now had the Catfist. He never got the chance, nor did Jared have the opportunity to inform him that Nabiki functionally WAS the Catfist.  
  
Genma slipped on a slick stone, a claw tightening on a certain area on the long tube in his hands as a reflexive move.  
  
Unfortunately, the gadget he was hoping to sell for drink money, as previously noted, was a Robotech Repeating Rocket Launcher. Fortunately, the clip had been removed. Unfortunately, he'd removed the clip but left a round in the chamber from when he'd been testing the balky feed  
mechanism. Fortunately, he'd used a "smoke and paint" round. Unfortunately the targetting laser and backup blaster had power. Fortunately the safety had been engaged. Unfortunately, that only covered the backup blaster.   
  
The results were as one might easily expect.  
  
An explosion of white smoke, a fair concussive wave, and red paint splattered everywhere.  
  
Genma spent a few moments gawking at the scene as the smoke billowed out.  
  
A large number of women appearing out of nowhere to take places along the outer walls and Tendo roof. A couple of guys he didn't recognize. A tall and powerful looking man who was cracking his knuckles, and a thinner fellow holding a chain weapon.  
  
In the courtyard, people were scattered and a few were unconscious. More than one was splattered with red.  
  
"IT'S A MUTANT RAT YOUMA!"  
  
"And he's killed our Jay-chan!"  
  
Genma had learned many things over many years of training with the Master. How to steal panties. How to run. How to grovel. Even how to fight to some extent. One of those dearly learned lessons was a danger sense that wasn't 100% effective, but when it went off he knew to listen.  
  
It was going off now. In fact, it was alerting him to the fact that if he remained standing where he was, he would be reduced to a fine red paste *long* before he had a chance to explain.  
  
Genma decided to use two of the lessons he'd most frequently invoked when training with the Master. When to run. When to hide. Valuable lessons indeed for a student of Anything Goes.  
  
*FOOM!*  
  
The Thundercats were the first to give chase by virtue of having no transformations and the fastest tank.  
  
There are certain things that are difficult not to remember, among them how terrifying it is to see a tank leaping and jumping overhead. The REALLY rousing music that played as the thing left track marks deep in Nerima's roads hadn't helped matters any.  
  
Where the standard Thundercats were almost exclusively male, when Sakyo and Shan had run across a genecrafting facility in their hunt for evil Ifurita units to scrap and empower Shan, they'd decided to go for an all-female cast. The better for loving her Master.  
  
They also got Really Uppity about things that threatened their Mate.  
  
Also, after the various upgrades, they were prepared to DO something about it. "The Rat Lord is using a random evasive pattern, insufficient time to adapt tracking weaponry." Panthera, female engineering lead and based off of a panther, said.  
  
"High-technology weaponry and black-band magic are combined in his foe. Threat level is... he must be interfering with the sensors." Tigress concluded, reading their scanners while Panthera drove.  
  
Liona, the redhaired leader (and based off a lion), twisted in her seat to gaze back at Cheetarah, who was standing in the back manning their pintel-mounted main gun, riding the shocks of their movement with the ease that came from moving this speed herself, on foot. "We can't afford to take any chances. Cheetarah, forward observer. I'll take the gun."  
  
"Roger!" Cheetarah leaped from the back of the racing vehicle and sped off at an even faster rate.  
  
"Multiple magic bands appearing throughout the city!" Tigress warned, though she was about to go on that most if not all of them read as friendly.  
  
Impetuous Liona interrupted, jumping to conclusions as she lifted the muzzle of the gun, "We've got to act fast! Claw Missiles! Fire!" and letting off a volley of three.  
  
--------  
  
Soun shrieked as he noted the shredded compound wall where the Thundertank had entered, and the rather large hole where it had gone through the dining room and out the front door.   
  
It was made rather worse as various high powered individuals flew, ran, leapt, and in the case of two androids - got into an immediate fight.  
  
"No way, Naga! *I* will be the one to handle this situation!"  
  
"Oh ho ho ho ho ho! Truly, Lina, you underestimate *my* talents. Jay-chan deserves to be nursed back to health by someone more skilled... and more developed than you!"  
  
"WHAT was that?"  
  
"You can't possibly have enough love in your heart with a chest THAT small!"   
  
"Y-y-you.... EXPLOSION ARRAY!"  
  
*BOOM BOOM BA-KOOM!*  
  
Jared had said previously that he could cast "Otiluke's Protective Dome" in his sleep. It was a good thing that he hadn't exaggerated.  
  
"Childish in form and talent, aren't you Lina Inverse? Oh hohohohoho! SPIRIT GOLEM!"   
  
*CRASH* *BOOM!*  
  
"Oh yeah, Naga? THis time you've gone too far! DRILL..."  
  
*THWACK! THWACK!*  
  
The Knight of Duty considered the two marionettes he'd temporarily shut off. While lacking the elegance of Chiba's thrown roses his thrown chesspieces could still pack a wallop. (Though he agreed with the general consensus that they looked dorky and lacked class.) "Lorelei, disable them."  
  
Soun stared at the ruined yard, listening briefly as a section of his home fell over.  
  
Akane woke up, saw her room move from the second floor to the first, and promptly lost her temper.  
  
--------  
  
Adam Warren was riding peacefully along (having an invite to a Japanese comik-mart where he expected to meet some people whose work he'd long admired) when his rented convertible was suddenly rocked by four near-simultanious impacts and he was shoved roughly to the side, ending up sitting on his head in the back seat while four women crowded the front (producing standing room only for three of them) and the vehicle lunged forward as a redhead stomped on the gas pedal.  
  
~Hey, Wait a minute!~ The manga author thought, but they were ignoring him. Even so, he couldn't help but recognize that *two* were the Dirty Pair as drawn by the animators in Flash, and two were identical right down to the toenails to the Original Dirty Pair.  
  
Realizing they were arguing, the artist covered his nuts and hoped.  
  
Mature Yuri fluffed out her billowy dark hair and shot a sly smile to the younger duo from Flash. "You two should go home and get the starship. We're going to need it for pickup."  
  
"We *already* sent Muugi for it!" The young Kei shouted, clenching her fist. "You two are just trying to get rid of us."  
  
The older duo only looked toward each other and laughed, chiming, "Useless baggage!" in agreement.  
  
The author could feel his life flashing before his eyes, and wished he'd done things more interesting in his life and less in the series.  
  
"Are you two trying to start a fight?" Younger Yuri accused.  
  
The author considered hiding under his seat, but was frustrated in this by his car performing a miraculous and highly improbable leap, knocking over three fruit stands and an okonomiyaki cart as it flew abruptly, violently, and unevenly over Japanese traffic *and* a train that were crossing that intersection the other way. As he clung desperately for dear life, Mature Kei guided the seemingly out-of-control vehicle through a disastrous skid, crashing sideways against a bus full of nuns, and then racing off again at improbable acceleration without so much as a 'how-do-you-do'.  
  
As he clung to the hood the author was convinced his sins had come to haunt him.  
  
While Mr. Warren was trying desperately to maintain his hold on the hood (having flown there sometime during that prodigious leap) and not fall under the wheels of his own vehicle, the more mature Kei was wondering aloud. "Why do you two tag along, anyway? You KNOW that we're more competent."  
  
Suddenly Mr. Author had a dreadful sense of impending doom worse that of clinging to the hood of a highly erratic convertible going in excess of 200 mph and piloted by some of the Most Destructive People Imaginable, that of clinging to the hood of said vehicle when THOSE people were in a fighting mood.  
  
"YOU shouldn't be here anyway! *We're* his true partners!" Younger Yuri accused.  
  
Mature Yuri just winked smugly at the older Kei. Both chorused. "Yea, but we were *made* for him!"  
  
"You're just COPIES! Androids made to look like us!" Younger Yuri shouted, fists at her sides.  
  
"Too bad we do a better job than you do." Mature Yuri pulled an eyelid down and stuck her tongue out at her younger twin. "Bee-dah!"  
  
If Adam Warren had been able to feel anything but terror at this, he might've been somewhat relieved to note that his fingers had made their own hand holds by bending the metal of the hood, though breaking finger bones doing it cost him some ability to use the purchase.  
  
"Stupid sex-dolls." Younger Kei groused.  
  
Mature Kei smirked and looked back at her younger double, incidentally ignoring the road before her totally. "*You're* only jealous because Jared hasn't agreed to marry you."  
  
"WE ARE NOT!!!" Both of the younger Dirty Pair looked properly enraged.  
  
Mature Yuri flicked her hair dismissively. "Then you'll feel *awful* nice about not feeling that way when MY Kei and I go to..." Suggestive whispers were made that turned younger Yuri an interesting shade of blue, then scarlet and trembling red.  
  
"Grrrrr THAT'S IT!!!!" Both of the younger ones pulled out their weapons.  
  
The author of the Dirty Pair comics, presently clinging for dear life to an exploding vehicle full of highly dangerous and well armed females that for no explicable reason was currently hurtling a gulf where Kei had found a shortcut, whimpered.  
  
---------  
  
Yoshinobu Nishizaki had been out watering and now the hose hung limply from off his fingertips, watching the Space Battleship Yamato descend gently out of the clouds.  
  
Only there were some changes to the midship portion, near the stern. They looked like, but nah, THAT couldn't be!  
  
Up on the bridge of the Space Battleship, one woman turned to another. "Are we within range?"  
  
The second woman nodded, over crossed arms. "Yes. Inform the SDF-1 through 12, we've got a situation here. We might want to deploy."  
  
The first woman turned back to her control board. "Evangelions, Launch!"   
  
And from the docking cradles near the back of the Yamato, release bolts were unlocked and five fully functional (and VASTLY upgraded) Evangelion Units fell free.  
  
"Yeeeeeha!" Rei shouted on the decent, having gained considerable personality since meeting Jay-chan awhile back, and NOT knowing how appropriate that cry was at this place and time.  
  
Asuka landed her red Eva unit on the roads of Tokyo while four others landed behind her. "Okay team! We're off target by 4.8 miles. It's jogging time!"  
  
"Wait!" Misato cried, wearing a black plug suit in the green Eva Unit, and for no explainable reason (in *this* story, at least - see Otaku Reflected for details) looking 14 years old. "We've got to await weapons drop!"  
  
14-year old Ritsuko was already on that, wearing a yellow plugsuit in a matching Eva. "I'm tracking the dump boxes. they'll come to ground within point four miles of our present position, on course to Jay-chan."  
  
Rei's ice blue Eva danced a step. "Then let's hurry up!"  
  
As they ran away it was revealed that their landing had NOT been entirely without incident, and the left foot of Misato's Eva had crushed a certain pedestrian by the name of Hideaki Anno who had been too shocked at their appearance to move out of the way.  
  
*****  
  
The first principle and precept of the Anything Goes school, well, the first one that dealt with *combat* anyway, was this: Avoidance. Avoid blame. Avoid responsibility. Most important though - avoid massive damage occurring to your body.  
  
Even Genma, who was nowhere near the level either of his sons had attained in the Art, was tolerably fair to excellent on this one concept, depending on how well motivated he was. And at this moment he was at a pinnacle of motivation that was causing him to transcend *all sorts* of limits so far that he was running, dodging, twisting and evading with such skill he was almost leaving his fat behind.  
  
Almost.  
  
-------------  
  
795 AD:  
  
"Father, i won't be able to appear here again." Grey warned the old practical joker priest.  
  
"Hmmmmph. What about your students?" James looked out over the monastery training field.  
  
"They've got the basics. Just as the Three Aspects, there is mind body AND spirit. Health in all can only benefit the faith." Grey shrugged. He hadn't much idea on WHAT medieval monataries did, and some of his suggestions had taken root. Unexpectedly, he'd found himself in the role of teacher.  
  
"Is it that mystery woman?" James watched the crowd of initiates practicing that odd exercise that Grey had taught them. What did he call it? Oh yes - a kata. Some of the priests, and not a few of the children, had taken to an hour of this odd dance a day.  
  
"If she is who i suspect, you're right."  
  
"FATHER JAMES!" Keian waved as he ran up. "Oh, Grey. Sorry to interrupt, but Father - you've *got* to try this!"  
  
James sniffed and sipped at the drink, then blinked repeatedly. "Most interesting. What is it called?"  
  
"A penitent with the most unusual raiment did show me the preparation. It is called 'green tea' and it is made in the manner of normal teas. She did say that in her homeland..."  
  
Grey tuned the rest out, now *knowing* without the shadow of a doubt who the mystery woman was.  
  
--------  
  
"Oh yes," Setsuna said with a nod. "I just came from Heaven, in fact."  
  
"So, you're an angel?" Percival (not the Arthurian figure) asked. He was asking the questions as this also distracted the woman from where Keian's wife Korin was frantically scribbling down notes.  
  
"No, though my fiance is. At least some of the time." Setsuna straightened her short skirt again, uncomfortable with the stares her long legs were getting.  
  
Wolt muttered something about succubi, temptresses, the flames of Hell, and harlotry. Setsuna showed incredible restraint (for an anime character) and didn't "Dead Scream" the fellow into the next century. Or mallet him, merely favored the politically oriented priest with a glare that suggested she had thought about it.  
  
Korin finished noting down this concept of a nourishing food made with ground peanuts and molasses known as "peanut butter" and went on to note that angels could have mortal wives while placing the notes with those she'd already taken.  
  
"Angels can get married?" Percival asked, his eyes large. Few priests at the monastery had wives, they tended to be poor and devoted to secular life. Some even felt that any earthly ties detracted from their devotion. (1)  
  
"Yes, well, he married us, but unfortunately there was interference."  
  
"Demonic interference?" Percival asked, then he staggered. "'US'?!"  
  
"Well, technically, yes. It's a long story, and not one that I'd prefer going into. Suffice to say there were problems and he considers us fiancees and not wives." Setsuna stood up and her clothes blurred from a Sailor Pluto seifuku to a plain woolen robe such as Korin wore.  
  
Eyes widened at this further evidence of power.  
  
"Life in Heaven isn't perfect," mused Percival aloud, trying to fit the revelations into a framework that his own paradigm could handle. "Ah, then only He is perfect."  
  
"My fiance is far from perfect," said Setsuna with a smile. "He suffers from underconfidence, is honest when he should be evasive, gets lost regularly, tries to cope with situations he should avoid due to a stubborn streak, can't resist meddling when he sees a chance to be of assistance to others, gets sidetracked far too easily, and is generous to a fault with people he knows while being shy or abrupt with people he does not. On the other hand he'll usually abandon a battle if he doesn't see any point in continuing. He is nearly phobic about being crowded, has a *strong* dislike for politicians and lawyers, and if you ever get personal and abusive will not forgive you at all easily."  
  
"Sounds like Grey," joked Percival.  
  
"Ah, you know his bad qualities already," Setsuna sipped at her tea. Unfortunately it had grown rather cold.  
  
Dead silence, even Korin's scratching with a quill pen came to a dead halt.  
  
The door opened. Grey entered, and a stray beam of sunlight seemed to give him a momentary halo.  
  
Korin fainted, remembering all the times she'd joked about the sad-seeming foreigner.  
  
Percival turned pale. He'd gained his ability to pray for magic (being the fourth to successfully receive the "Imbue With Spell Ability" clerical enhancement) cast by Grey. Which meant that...  
  
Wolt shrieked like a little girl, causing everyone else to jump.  
  
"Setsuna?" Grey asked, curious. "Anyone else come?"  
  
"Ami wanted to. So did Makoto and Rei and Minako..." Setsuna regarded her fiance briefly, wondering if he'd been eating properly. Probably not. "Honey and Nuku Nuku are off somewhere else. Akane's offplane. Nabiki, Kasumi, Shampoo, and Ukyo haven't been seen for awhile. Sasami's back with her family. I was the only one who could make the trip among us. Even that was difficult."  
  
Keian jotted names down frantically. They would later become popular names for girls.  
  
"Well, we should be going soon," Grey said, ignoring as much as he could. "Rather than alter this timeline too much prior to America's colonization."  
  
Keian noted quickly that a previous reference to a "land far to the West" from the strange laborer was to be colonized later, and was termed "America" for some odd reason. Sounded Italian.  
  
Setsuna nodded. She tactfully didn't mention the model of an elaborate fullscale castle/monastery she'd seen. Nor the still made of copper that was purifying water (to "cleanse it of foul essences") or the fields inside an outer containment wall. Or any of the other odd elements that she'd seen such as the supply of paper or the loom. The windmill being constructed was not brought up. She didn't mention that four priests of this monastery were able to cast minor clerical spells, nor that most of those present shouldn't even be alive if he wanted to avoid changing things. She didn't mention that Keian and Korin had been jotting down notes since Grey had shown up. She didn't mention the ballistae or catapults that had been assembled based on a couple of children's toys that Grey had made.  
  
No, Setsuna understood the relationship between cause and effect. She also knew that Grey couldn't help these little nudges, and was merely being his helpful self. Which was why Setsuna merely smiled and nodded, gathering her pack as she prepared to accompany her fiance.  
  
She thought it likely they'd be back, anyway.  
  
----------  
  
Ranma/Akumakun timeline:  
  
Black Bart sent a puff of foul smoke on the breeze as he listened to Oregon's report.  
  
"...and the rat thing blew 'em all up, then vamoosed. I'd never seen anything like it!"  
  
Black Bart snorted smoke again from his cigar and considered. "Boys, saddle up. We gonna have us a necktie party."  
  
A stranger moseying by, stopped. "Black Bart? Why are YOU going after the rat-man?"  
  
Black Bart took the opportunity to practice his orating skills. "Y'see. We're villains."  
  
"YEAH!" chorused the Dozen Thieves.  
  
"We be desperadoes, and we be opportunists!"  
  
"THAT'S RIGHT!" The Dozen Thieves went into a sentai group pose that somehow looked appropriate.  
  
"We be hardworking fellas..."  
  
"EXCUSE ME!" Dakota fumed.  
  
"...and a lady who may be shiftless thieves and villains and scum. But we come by it honestly."  
  
The Dozen Thieves started humming "Glory, Glory, Halleluia" in the background as Black Bart spoke.  
  
Black Bart's voice rose slowly, his black Stetson held over his heart. "We're villains. But we're not heartless. We're not cheap. We operate with honor, and by our own rules. We do not strike from behind without warning. We DO strike from behind, or from above, or from below, or any other way we can get an advantage but it's never an instant kill attempt. We are lowdown sidewinders, but we have a certain thing lacking in modern common villains. We have standards. Striking a young innocent like Miss Kasumi from ambush like that - it isn't right. It isn't right at all. So we ride on the side of the law this time, because of a simple truth, stranger."  
  
Bart and his Thieves all chorused on the expected phrase. "Because, it's the Code of The West."  
  
Black Bart put his Stetson back on and leapt to the back of (also black) horse. During the speech, he managed an air of solemn and noble dignity. "Saddle up boys. And you too Dakota. We gonna avenge Miss Kasumi's honor."  
  
Jared watched the thirteen riders gallop off and removed his disguise. "Well... dang. I guess Bart wasn't hiding the panda."  
  
-----------  
  
Olympus, the Great Smithy:  
  
The computerized voice was female and sounded quite a bit like Eartha Kitt. At least that was the settings for today. "Upgrades complete. Tea, anyone?"  
  
"No, just give me a readout," said Hephaestus. He was a craftsman, work came first.  
  
"Unit: Honey Kisaragi. Upgrades requested by unit. Base form remains human in performance capabilities. Added matter conversion unit, sense of taste, and ability to conceive. Ability to transform into specific Templates and alter appearance through Atmospheric Condensor enhanced using hyperstitial pocket and morfogenic materials. Added requested Templates: Senshi, 'fighting game' martial artist, X wing pilot, Angel, RPA Pilot, Mink, and Batgirl.  
  
"Unit: Atsuko Natsume (Nuku Nuku). Upgrades requested by unit. Fully functional cyborg. Cat brain neural capacity increased by secondary cybernetic brain. Limited matter conversion unit. Ability to produce and direct chi fields in manner referenced under file 'Cat Fist' - capabilities triggered under extreme stress or when loved ones are threatened. Limited transformation capabilities added."  
  
"Hmmmph," Hephaestus said after a moment. "Catgirl cyborgs and transforming androids..."  
  
"So YOU'RE the one doing it," said a sly voice.  
  
Hephaestus closed his holographic laptop and sighed. "Honestly, I'd expected someone else to figure this out first."  
  
Toltiir snickered. "Most think *I'm* the one giving Grey his clerical spells. They've forgotten about your association with your apprentice."  
  
"Look at what he does," Hephaestus brought forth a scene where the monastery at Lindisfarne was now scurrying with people exploring the wonders of these new discoveries and devices. "Tell me that this does not serve MY cause."  
  
Toltiir smirked some more, but didn't disagree.  
  
Hephaestus was silent for a moment. "What are you going to do about it, Elder?"  
  
"Little old me? Why nothing. I just *love* ironies, and this situation has a number of them."  
  
"However, *I* am not granting spells to any of those monks," pointed out Hephaestus. "Who is?"  
  
Toltiir chuckled. "Like Grey they're Christians. Like many worlds, faith generates manna. The lower level stuff is typically done drawing on their own belief and the local magic fields. It's when they start asking their Patron directly that things get interesting."  
  
Hephaestus looked puzzled for a moment, then nodded as understanding clicked. "Oh my."  
  
-----------  
  
795 AD:  
  
They were well out of sight of the monastery when Grey dropped the shapeshift that kept him in human form, reverting in a blur to what had become his natural form, a dragon.  
  
Setsuna didn't even blink.  
  
"Well, you're taking your transformation rather well," remarked the dragon in a basso rumble. "When Ami-chan entered a non-anime universe and translated to a non-anime looking Japanese girl, she had trouble dealing with it for quite some time."  
  
Setsuna shrugged in her robes. "And what do I look like?"  
  
"Greek, i think." Grey's tail lashed, somehow *knowing* that the woman walking nearby had wanted a different answer. But what? "Errr. Your eyes aren't that red color..."  
  
Silver dragons were immune to cold. The night was fairly warm as attested by the crickets and other life scurrying about. Why was he getting a chill?  
  
"Uhm..." Grey tried, "you look like the sort of young woman i could have encountered in my origin universe, but never met. You could have been a model back there..."  
  
Setsuna seemed to relax ever so slightly. "What do you mean by 'encountered' but 'never met'?"  
  
"Well, even if i walked into someone who looked THAT good, nothing could come of it - even getting a name would have been impossible." The dragon eyed his companion uncertainly. Was that a smirk briefly showing itself on her face? What the heck was going on? "Uhm. There's a problem you should know about..."  
  
"Besides that the temporal currents in this timeline are all amuck and even dimensional travel seems to becoming more and more difficult as time passes for us?" Setsuna considered lightly thwacking the dragon's neck with her Time Staff to remind him of who she was. She was Setsuna Meiou, Temporal Wizard who had joined with another of her aspects - a Sailor Pluto who had been born in the Silver Millenium. She had observed other timelines where she was Pluto but had been the child of another Senshi - and had then gone back in time to aid her mother and friends. Only to die saving Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune in their fight against the Death Busters - then resurrected again in the future to do it all over again. She was an *expert* in time travel and even she had experienced enormous difficulty in reaching this place in the timeline.  
  
Grey didn't have a telepathy spell and was speaking of something else anyway. "Besides that. i'm beginning to get lethargic and have this compulsion to build a lair."  
  
Setsuna frowned, this being ninety degrees from her current train of thought. "Excuse me?"  
  
"Due to various things that have happened, i'm a dragon - this is my default form and existence except in worlds where dragons simply can't happen." Grey craned his long neck up and scanned the area. Nobody else nearby as far as *his* senses could determine. Dragons hit something called dragonsleep at points in their existence."  
  
Setsuna nodded. "Admittedly, dragon behavior is not something I've studied in any of my lives."  
  
"Whereas humans grow more or less steadily until they reach the adult stage, dragons do it differently. We're elemental creatures, go figure. What we do is find a lair, preferably hidden. There we store our bonded hoard and on its contents we sleep a period of several months or years, depending on the rules of the local timeline. In Io's Blood it's months, Aramar was years. i think it'll be years here too."  
  
Setsuna blinked and looked up at the huge shape nearby. She ignored the wolf which leapt out of the woods, got a whiff of her companion, piddled itself and fled with a keening noise. Other than to step over the evidence of its fright when she came to it. "How long?"  
  
"i'm currently a 'young adult' stage - so going through the growth spurt and everything will take about six years. There's also a feeding frenzy prior to the sleep, but i'll have to have a lair built before then. My 'hoard' consists of a few items from the Rival Relief Office as well as scavenged stuff from a variety of timelines, don't know if that'll be enough."  
  
"So what's the next stage, and how long do we have?" Setsuna started making plans. Six years where her fiance/husband was sleeping and going through a growth spurt...  
  
"Adult. At minimum my dragonform will increase another ten feet in length. Also, i'll be ravenous again upon awakening. So the lair site will have to be fairly off the beaten path but still have access to a good supply of food. i'd say another six months before it hits." Grey stopped and lowered his body as they came to a secluded shoreline. "If you'd mount we can fly from here. Suggest sitting yourself where neck meets shoulder and put your legs around like you were riding a horse."  
  
Setsuna made another gesture, altering the robe to a pair of braies and a tunic. Pants made riding much easier. "Hmmm. So we *do* have some time."  
  
"Setsuna-chan," rumbled the dragon as he sailed over the cliffs and over the English channel. "Any ideas on where to wait this out?"  
  
The sometimes-Senshi patted a length of cold smooth scales. "We could have stayed at Lindisfarne."  
  
"i'd only been with them for a few years. Already they've gone from an obscure monastery to a center of learning. Herbcraft and sewer systems, papermaking and printing, kempo and Zen philosophies - all mistakes or slip ups. They'll be lucky if they're not all branded heretics and brought down by the Vatican. Though if anyone can talk those power brokers into keeping an open mind, Father James might do it. And then you gave them ideas on brewing green tea."  
  
"I like green tea," Setsuna said with a sniff.  
  
"Nonetheless, the further we stay, the more changes will accumulate." Grey sighed and coughed up a hailstone. "My Lord, they've started *quilting* after an idle comment of mine. That wasn't supposed to be introduced for another four hundred years! i'd rather not endanger the truly faithful, they get enough of that on their own. Any suggestions?"  
  
Setsuna considered carefully, watching the waters under them speed by as she pondered.  
  
---------  
  
Akumakun/Ranma timeline:  
  
Kuno knew that someone had entered the ancestral Kuno estate and was responding appropriately.  
  
"Hold villains! What do you..." *THUD* The great and noble Tatewaki Kuno was backhanded into a wall where he slumped onto his great and noble posterior. Dazedly he looked up at the girl before him. The intruder was a woman! Tall, proud, defiant, with shapely limbs and form. Powerful, even more so than Akane Tendo before her "accident." The only detractions were the coloration of her hair and the simple but unflattering ponytail. Neither truly suitable for such a magnificent figure of a woman.  
  
"Have you seen a bazooka toting big fat mutant rat? A villainous murderous beast about so tall," the beautiful young woman indicated something slightly taller than herself, "really ugly?"  
  
"Nay my goddess. Ah, I see, this is a ruse that you might introduce yourself to me. Well then, I..." Kuno's voice trailed off as his goddess abruptly shot up at high speeds. Doing something only an angel or goddess should be able to do. Flying. At really high speeds too.  
  
"Ahhhh," said Kuno, for once in his life lost as to what he should say. "AHHHH!" Kuno said a moment later, as a bald panda (still carrying the bazooka - now knowing it to be valuable to a gun collector or maybe the SDF) emerged from his hiding spot and started sneaking away.  
  
A concept clicked in Tatewaki Kuno's head. The girl was looking for this very beast! She said it was villainous? Murderous? Why then, it was the duty of a samurai to bring such a beast to justice and thereby gain the rewards of his ponytailed goddess!  
  
"HAVE AT THEE FOUL VILLAIN!"  
  
[Go away] read the sign that the beast threw at him.   
  
But of course such measures could not deter the Blue Thunder!  
  
--------  
  
Lindisfarne, Scotland, 801 AD:  
  
The Papal Investigator wasn't quite sure what to make of all this.  
  
Monasteries tended to be formed by those who had some minor differences with the rest of the faithful, grouped together and retiring at a distance from the main group of the flock. Such had been the case with the followers of Saint Cuthbert.(2) THIS however was beyond MINOR.  
  
The fortification was massive, the outer walls spiked downwards to intimidate and make it difficult for invaders to scale. Inside were massive THINGS the Investigator was sure were part of some heresy. What was this massive tower which resembled a flower whose head turned on its own? And this tower from which smoke poured and water came flowing into an aquaduct? Surely these were sinister as Wolt's letters had indicated!  
  
The guide assigned to the Investigator was happily babbling about their library and the folk coming to the island. He continued on about the number of babies saved simply by boiling their swaddling clothes and seeking to keep clean their surroundings lest the tiny imps that caused disease corrupt the infant's health. The guide enthusiastically spoke of the new methods being developed for seperating plant fibers that they might be woven again into cloth for garments. He continued to exclaim over the concept of making paper easily and swiftly or of some oddiment called the "power of applied steam" and of plants that could purge poisons from the body.  
  
The Investigator (who had long ago stopped referring to himself except as the Investigator) stopped abruptly on seeing the old priest in the courtyard. "What is he doing?"  
  
"Ah, Father James is invoking the glory of God in order to heal a child."  
  
"Well, that is..." the Investigator's smirk faded and his jaw dropped as the old monk *glowed* with a pure white light and reached down to touch a child swathed in blankets. Though he couldn't see the child through the crowd, the child's parents clearly went from shocked to elated within the space of heartbeats. ~This place is *dangerous!* I must inform His Holiness at once!~  
  
----------  
  
(1) _ It wasn't until later that the Papal Council instituted the "no marriage" policy.   
  
(2) No, this was not solely a World Of Greyhawke invention, and Lindisfarne monastery in Scotland's patron saint was Saint Cuthbert until the relics were unearthed and moved later.  
  
Black Bart - Martial Arts Stage Villainry, Heir.  
Dozen Thieves: Dakota (Naoko Ishima, Barmaid style kempo), Arizona (Kakeru Shinma, Martial Arts Cardsharking), Oregon (Sancho Pablo Juan Enrique Martinez Esteban Villalobo III, gaijin tarento), California (Dong Hi, Sherpa style kung fu), Wyoming (Masami Umari, no martial arts training but has "Photographic Reflexes"), the remainder are subject to change without notice.  
  
votes: where does Setsuna suggest?  
Dragons of the Caribbean - 4, Japan - 6, Antarctica - 1, American continent - 3, Lindisfarne - 1, Norway - 1, Russia - 1.  
  
=============  



	7. Default Chapter Title

Third Labor chapter 13  
  
"Heart of Ice"   
or... "Genma is another word for nightmare?"  
  
Disclaimer: The plotline deals with alternate universes, timetravel, karma, pantheons, dragons, mages, a self-insert character, other authors inserted, and the kitchen sink, and it is this author's hope that he hasn't offended anyone other than those who usually are offended just seeing his name much less that he's got another chapter of something done. (Not that i'm mentioning names of these persons.)   
  
---------  
  
796 AD, Third Labor Timeline  
  
Wings glided over the mountain as the dragon slowly came to a stop. Grey wearily looked up at Setsuna. "Weak... hurt..."  
  
Setsuna dismounted and looked over the dragon, nodding. He'd grown more sluggish and Setsuna could tell from the way he was swaying that he had fought off this "dragonsleep" about as long as he could.  
  
"Is this cavern big enough for you?" Setsuna nodded towards the cleft.   
  
"Yeah... think so at least." Grey staggered forward as his head nearly thumped upon the ground. "Hoard going to be problem..."  
  
Setsuna felt like shaking the big creature if the difference in their masses wouldn't have made the gesture ludicrous. "What do you mean about a hoard?"   
  
"Dragons bond to objects of value and magic," Grey forced out as he tried to focus on the blurring figure. He hadn't felt like this since the time he'd pulled a 96 hour shift as a security guard then went to qualify on a firing range. (He somehow had managed.) "They have a spiritual link to their treasure and it..."   
  
Setsuna watched as the dragon staggered into the cave and collapsed. Though outwardly still, she was considering the possibilities carefully.   
  
He didn't strike her as being that materially oriented, which jibed with what she knew of the Healer priests. Which left...  
  
---------  
  
Akumakun/Ranma timeline:  
  
It was sung as if an opera.  
  
"Kill the YOma, kill the yoMA, KILL The yoma! Kill it dead!"  
  
It was shouted as a battlecry.  
  
"INHUMAN FIEND! I SHALL SMITE THEE!"  
  
And in typical fashion of gossip anywhere, the stories accompanying the photos of the bald panda increased in the usual manner.  
  
"I'm so glad to see you're all right, Miss Soup! With this terrorist rat running about, I feared for your safety!"  
  
"You were concerned for me, Mister Noodle?!"  
  
And as the tale was spread, more diverse groups considered the possibilities.  
  
Akumakun laid out a set of cards and considered the possibility of this rat-spirit being less than a friendly sort.  
  
On a ranch that wasn't really that far away, Kreiger started organizing a posse.  
  
Even though there were problems aplenty with the story, it continued to grow. And mutate.  
  
"Did you hear, there's an alien mutant rat yoma running around who's trying to steal all the good looking girls and take them back to his homeworld!"  
  
"Well, *I* heard that this genetically engineered monster escaped from a lab somewhere and has declared war on the human race that created him!"  
  
And there were other problems with being a large bald panda.  
  
"Josephine! Josephine! That's my little Josephine!"  
  
"Don't you usually just go after *cute* things, Azusa?"  
  
All in all, Genma was having a bad day.  
  
-----------  
  
Jared frowned and realized that Ranma's shirt had a large bulge and a cat tail sticking out of it. He had just gotten back and it appeared that Ranma hadn't moved. "Uhm, Ranma, are you aware that Nabiki's hiding in your shirt?"  
  
A moment of curiosity had brought Jared back to investigate the rest of the household.   
  
Kasumi had realized that her wig had blown off, had gotten traumatized by both being seen like this by nonfamily members, having red paint across her face, and her nerves understandibly put off by having been recently involved in a large explosion. Kasumi had hidden under her bed. Up until Black Bart had seen this chaos as an opportunity and had kidnapped her, that is.  
  
Soun was still standing in the yard, looking at the wreckage where much of the ancestral Tendo house had once been.  
  
Shampoo and Ukyo were apparently off hunting panda.  
  
Which brought Jared back to where Ranma was trying to figure out what to do with the catgirl Tendo wrapped about his chest and somehow concealing everything but her tail within the confines of his shirt.  
  
"Uhm, Nabiki, you might want to get out of there before Shampoo and Ukyo find you."  
  
"...oh all right," the lump said, sounding disappointed. "Let's see, I think that I got here by..." The lump moved south of the beltline and gave a startled noise. Followed by a squeegee noise. "Hmmm. So you *do* like me, eh, Ranma-kun?"  
  
Emitting a startled and embarassed yelp, Ranma suddenly somehow seperated himself from his shirt without ripping it and pulled his pants up and stuttered what might have bore some strange resemblence to an apology.  
  
"Look like Shampoo get here right in time!"  
  
"You said that right sugar!"  
  
Nabiki merely stared at one of her hands, a silly little smile slowly appearing.  
  
Shampoo stalked forward and without warning thrust her hand down Ranma's pants. "Is only proper for Amazon *wife* to grope husband, not silly catgirl!" Shampoo's voice trailed off as she felt around. "Aiyaaaa. Shampoo expect that there something besides martial arts Ranma good at."  
  
"Eeeeeek!!" Ranma managed, his pigtail pointing straight out.  
  
"Hey!" Ukyo protested as Shampoo wandered off with glazed eyes and a little smile. "Ranma honey is MY fiance! You two didn't bruise him did you?"  
  
Having his pants yanked down (taking the underwear also by friction), caused Ranma to yeep again.  
  
Jared merely thanked the Heavens that it wasn't him.  
  
"Aiyah! Look like we arrive just in time!"  
  
A Shampoo, Ukyo, Nabiki and Kasumi set landed around Jared in Sailor Costumes and careful formation and began checking his 'important parts' for injuries.  
  
"Hey!" The redhead shouted. "Wait until we're alone to do that!" He squirted out of their arms and into a suprise landing on top of Belldandy.  
  
Whereupon he was grabbed by a trio of Goddesses (only one of whom was a marionette) and dragged off to be properly inspected for signs of damage. And if Urd wanted to make sure certain things were working right she was entitled, wasn't she?  
  
The quartet of Sailors followed.  
  
*****  
  
Genma zigged when he should have zagged. He thought he could get back to the Tendo house, as they'd have already looked for him there, right? NOBODY would think of searching for him there, right?   
  
Then things got even worse.  
  
"There he is!" Makoto Jupiter exclaimed, pointing her palm towards the evil rat-thing. "SHOTGUN!" Lots of little chi blasts made lots of little craters.  
  
"FIREBALL!" Lina was eager to get revenge on the rat thing. She missed the rat and managed to score a direct hit on a yattai where crepes were sold. Who assumed somehow that his ancient rival Ukyo was behind this attack.  
  
"LIGHTNING BOLT!" Naga wasn't hitting her target either. Crepe Joe ran, vowing vengeance upon Ukyo later.  
  
"Hey, that's MY target," exclaimed one group of Dirty Pair girls to the other duo, as both pairs unlimbered heavy weaponry.  
  
Genma fled into the nearest large building (Furinkan Senior High School) figuring he'd be safe there. There were thousands of places he could hide, they'd never get him! He therefore made a gesture that was easily interpreted at his pursuers. Let them get angry, they'd be more prone to  
make mistakes.   
  
Makoto's eyes narrowed and she brought her hands back. There was only one source of chi nearby, and it was the rat-thing. "KAME!"  
  
Lina cancelled her Raywing, *knowing* that the monster had set himself up an ambush. Once inside that building he could pick them off one by one.   
"Darkness beyond twilight,  
Crimson beyond blood that flows,"  
  
Naga wasn't about to concede, she'd been studying for just such an opportunity to *prove* that she was not only superior to Lina but superior to the original Naga.  
"Power beyond destruction,   
Wind from darkest night,"  
  
Kei and Yuri (the younger) glared at Kei and Yuri (the marionettes) while they pointed large instruments of destruction at where the rat-beast had entered the school. Behind them, fleeing to the horizon, was a completely ignored comic book artist. The Flash version of Kei and Yuri had some wonderful WWWA weaponry. The marionette Kei was content with a C-29 "Hellfire" Heavy Plasma Cannon, while the Yuri marionette preferred a simple CR-1 Rocket Launcher loaded with a napalm mini-missile.  
  
A pair of Shrike class missiles launched by Asuka's Eva unit targetted a certain classroom.  
  
"HAME!"  
  
"Buried in the stream of time,  
That's where your power grows."  
  
"Things from darkest Hell,   
Give power to my spell!"  
  
Genma, hiding under a desk, wondered why his danger sense was going off.  
  
--------  
  
797 AD, Third Labor Timeline:  
  
It was just a temporary lair. The cavern was shaped rather like an "L" and consisted of a cleft and a large hollowed area where water had poured from the cleft above to cut the rock in a strange shape.  
  
The hoard consisted of the gear from the Rival Relief Office, a large number of items gleaned from missions in a variety of universes, and very little of it would fit into a traditional dungeon delver's definition of treasure.  
  
If he had done this prior to interacting with that one group of Sailor Scouts, it would have been easier. Several powerful items had gone to those girls as they were so completely overwhelmed by their opponents. But then, he hadn't been a dragon then.  
  
Grey slumbered and felt a tension ebb. More of his hoard had appeared nearby. A piece of the returned treasure vanished again, and the dragon frowned in his sleep. But yes, there it was again. Only to vanish and return again.  
  
Yes, it felt proper to have more of his precious hoard nearby. Grey flared his "light" or inner magic, letting it reach out and enfold the items. Much better. He could feel the ties between them now.   
  
That itch at least partly scratched, Grey fell deeper into the dragonsleep.  
  
--------  
  
Ami let her hand rest her massive fiance/husband's jaw, a bit shaken from when she felt his magic reach out and link to her own.   
  
After a few moments of consideration, Ami picked up the book marked "Dragontaming for Beginners" and sat down to read it. It looked as if she had time.  
  
---------  
  
Korin nodded to Ruth. "What have you learned from my husband's and mine notes?"  
  
"That the Traveller spoke of twelve basic truths of human existence?" Ruth asked, her attention largely on the "windmill" that had been constructed and was now about to have the blocks removed that held the limbs in place. "I've heard the menfolk discussing it afore, now it makes a mite more sense."  
  
"Aye, that be so. This concept of the Engineer he did speak of, most interesting." Korin watched the blocks slowly removed as the wind fluffed out the stretched fabric on the four wings of the tower. "First ye observe, then the theory, then the experiment to prove or disprove the theory. Tis a most strange way of thinking but it make sense."  
  
"Aye, but it goes against the grain. Why he dismissed the whole concept of Spontaneous Generation. How outrageous!"  
  
"To be sure, to be sure. And how be your skill in kempo developing?"  
  
"Ah, Korin me dear friend, tis not truly my skein. Still, I can see the appeal. Thou dost not have to go run for a weapon, when it is your own hands and feet which are the weapon. And I confess I do enjoy this yoga stuff but I simply be too old for this sort of thing."  
  
"Ruth, ye barely be twenty five summers. What of the other studies?" Korin's voice caught as, ever so slowly, the sails of the windmill began to turn.  
  
Ruth nodded at the idea of a millwheel turning without oxen or a running stream to power it. "Well, this medicine stuff - boiling to cleanse spirits, that's easy enough. These teas- why some of them taste like the devil's own concoctions! But... I admit that the new cloth is more than welcome, and that all this learning and exchanging seems harmless enow."  
  
The windmill wasn't turning fast but it *was* turning steadily. An excited buzz could be heard from the front of the crowd as people determined that everything was working and that the millstone turned within the tower.  
  
"Well, this be about as much of this excitement as I can stand. There be butter to churn and sewing to be done," Ruth summed up her own feelings on the matter.   
  
"Aye, but I find myself wondering..." Korin's voice trailed off. "Mine husband received the blessing from James, so that he can now light our home with a prayer. Mayhap I ought to ask myself. Such a thing would be handy would it not?"  
  
"They already tried that, Korin-girl. Only the priests seem to be able to share this gift among them. Remember: theory, then experiment? Them priestly sorts have embraced this new philosophy. And if I catch them bespelling my cows one more time, I'll introduce them to my  
cane!"  
  
-----------  
  
"Where is this?"  
  
"A dream. No, a memory, I think," Setsuna said.   
  
"I've been meaning to ask you, why are you wearing a seifuku? There was no Silver Millenium in this timeline so we don't have Senshi powers here." Ami was wondering if there was some hidden quality to the sailor suits that the older girl knew of.   
  
"I like the way it shows off my legs," answered Setsuna enjoying the startled look Ami turned towards her. "Since I merged with a Sailor Pluto, I've found this to be quite comfortable."  
  
"That book say anything about dragon's dreams?" Apple asked, looking about with interest. Did marionettes dream? Normally the answer was no. She dreamed, however. But then she had an ishii kairo, so that made her less normal as far as marionettes were concerned.  
  
"Oh yes," said Ami after a moment of wondering if *she* should get a seifuku. "Dragons either enter a memory recall state known as 'Reverie' or astrally project their body during dragonsleep. They switch from one to another."  
  
"What happens if we enter his dream?" Apple nodded her head at the cloud before them.  
  
"That's dangerous," Setsuna answered. "You could become trapped in his dream and forced into a role you might not like, if you're already there."  
  
"I've read that too. 'Wheel of Time' series, wasn't it?" Ami nodded. "Well, we should go. Isn't this improper? We've determined he's OK, right?"  
  
"She says, but she remains," noted Apple.  
  
"Oh, well, how about that." Setsuna said, "there's you, Makoto... I mean Apple."  
  
"What?!"  
  
-------------  
  
Grey was on the phone, looking at the little girl sniffling in her sleep at one of the cafe's tables. "Yes, i understand it's not my mission in this timeline. But it doesn't have to be me. Just get her a guardian angel or something."  
  
"You can't leave some little girl out on the streets, is that it?" Urd's voice was a little garbled but her amusement was obvious. "I don't know that we've got anyone we can spare."  
  
"In this timeline, her parents were an American and a Japanese, and they died not in a plane crash but in a collapsed building. Looks like 'Lita' is claustrophobic, not scared of airplanes in this world." Grey looked over at the six year old again. "She's not old enough to take care of herself."   
  
"She's survived on her own in other timelines," pointed out Urd. "Admittedly she lost her parents earlier in this timeline than usual."  
  
"Mama, papa," mumbled the sleeping girl.  
  
It was enough to decide Grey. "She's *way* too young. C'mon, Urd, i know *you* can do something about this."  
  
"Oh, all right." One could readily picture Urd rolling her eyes from the tone she used. "I'll take care of the paperwork. You'll still have to accomplish your mission there, *and* go off on little trips, but I'll enter the requisite data. You've also got that job coming up covering for the Spells R Us wizard, you know."  
  
"So what are you going to do?"  
  
"Time management. You'll have to spend about ten years in this timeline as her adoptive father. But you know time can be a variable. I'm putting you in as her uncle on the American side. You'll take her back to the USA for most of the time, raise her, accomplish your intervention mission, then get her to Juuban back in time for Lita Storm to become a Sailor Scout. Your cover ID as a restaurant cook is being altered. Now you're an entrepeuner looking for Japanese dishes to copy and bring back with you."  
  
"A cook? i can do that!" Grey smiled at the thought. "It beats being a mercenary or some of the other crap."  
  
----------  
  
"This is a memory?" Apple asked of her companions.  
  
"Yes," Setsuna stated, tapping her staff idly. "Well, this explains part of why he finds you so fascinating but seems a bit put off by you as a fiancee."  
  
Ami watched as the little girl grew up to a graceful young lady, waiting tables in the restaurant and eventually standing behind the grill herself. She saw a less lonely, more outgoing Lita than the one she had known - less of a scrapper but more accomplished as a martial artist due to her "Uncle's" encouragement of those skills. Then the trip back to Japan...  
  
---------  
  
"Uncle Jack", of course, recognized the girls in the corner booth. Cleaning a glass, he stood nearby as the giggles and whispers stopped. "Well, girls, what can I get you? Daughter, have you shown them your cooking yet?"  
  
Rei scowled. "What the heck is a 'fish taco'? Tako is octopus..."  
  
Lita snickered. "American specialty from a place called Baja. Okay, Uncle. You're trying to get me behind the grill on my night off! Not fair."  
  
Grey shrugged but was a little saddened. Nine years he'd raised her, attended her karate tournaments and been there for her in a hundred occasions. Legally her adopted father. Yet she still addressed him as Uncle only. "Okay, so maybe your friends will come back on a day when  
you're working?"  
  
--------  
  
Ami sucked breath at the way Grey's participation ended. A yoma killed him when his restaurant was attacked, the grill exploding in a hail of shrapnel that pierced his body. Sailor Jupiter held him in her arms as he died, and his last request had been that she call him 'dad'. She never managed it.  
  
Apple winced. Yes, she could see why he'd mainly been cool towards her.   
  
"This was a partially blocked memory, he doesn't consciously remember it. Just emotionally remembers it." Setsuna noted aloud.   
  
Apple wondered what it would take to completely block it.  
  
Ami wondered if her husband had any memories that did NOT end in emotional and physical pain. And if there had been similar scenes involving her.  
  
In answer to her desire, another scene began to play.  
  
--------  
  
Asgard:  
  
Celeste had *seized* on the possibility of getting more work done and a less crowded control room. So she'd suggested that there was likely a way to go where Setsuna had taken Makoto and Ami. They'd gone hunting leads.  
  
Unfortunately she had to deal with the two Elders standing in her office.  
  
Hoshime, the goddess of defense and courage and battleskill. Her husband, Etragar, the healer and Elder of benevolent nature.   
  
At least Toltiir, Elder of Mischief, wasn't to be found. Though Celeste expected Surtag or Warnas or one of the others of that Aramarian pantheon to show up at any time. Fleece was even taking bets as to which one.  
  
"Whose tea is this in the 'Totoro' travel mug?" Belle asked.   
  
"Oh mine!" Kasumi 9, the goddess of spring and renewal, said from a console.   
  
"Hmmmm," said Celeste, reading a data stream and checking to make sure the 'Protection From Bimbos' wards were in place. Kitchiri was *not* welcome.  
  
-------  
  
Ranma/Akumakun timeline:  
  
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa." Most people would have been surprised to learn that a panda could scream. One was doing so now as well as moving with a speed that would have also surprised a few zoologists.  
  
Soun heard the siren, and went out front of his house to see his good friend Genma come running down the street towards his house. Genma seemed to be panicked.  
  
Soun puzzled, then looked up. Veritech fighters. A space battlecruiser. Missiles. Giant robots. Girls throwing energy bolts. Girls with big guns. All in the process of attacking a fleeing panda.  
  
"NoooooooooooooO!" Soun realized with a sudden horrible clarity just WHAT was going to happen.  
  
Genma ran past Soun and into the Tendo ancestral home.  
  
There was a moment of silence as Soun wept and the missiles (both energy and otherwise) followed the panda.   
  
--------  
  
Third Labor timeline:  
  
The shadows had deepened and Ami had put her books aside rather than strain her eyes. Setsuna had vanished again. Apple had gone into "standby" mode.  
  
Ami leaned back against the bulk of the dragon behind her and quickly calculated mass. She considered for a moment shifting into a dragon herself, but there was a distinct possibility that (as the two of them were linked) that *she* would end up in a similar dragonsleep. While that might not be a bad thing, the lair would be pretty crowded and she didn't have a hoard herself. If it *was* necessary, then at the very least she'd get ill very quickly.  
  
So Ami just let herself drift off to sleep as it rapidly darkened in the cave.   
  
An hour later, finding Ami asleep and Apple powered down, Setsuna reappeared with Honey and Minako. This had been sufficiently exhausting that Setsuna quickly laid her blanket out to sleep.  
  
After determining that Honey didn't know card games, and Minako wasn't that good with word games, two more people decided they might as well get some sleep.  
  
Another pulse of energies from the dragon found the links and strengthened them, and the sleeping beast sighed a little more contentedly.   
  
---------  
  
Elsewhere:  
  
**POOF!**  
  
The shimmering spheres appeared out of nowhere and gently touched ground. They held for a few moments more before dissipating into polychromatic sparkles.  
  
"Impossible!" Nabiki should have known better than to use that term. "This looks almost like an Edo era castle?!"  
  
"I'd like to look too, except that someone's hugging my face," mumbled Ranma into Nabiki's stomach.  
  
Jared looked around. "Who did the extradimensional teleport?"  
  
Belldandy (the human shrine maiden version) timidly held up a hand.  
  
"And the spheres of light?"  
  
Belldandy (the marionette) timidly held up a hand.  
  
"Good job, both of you." Jared acknowledged with an accompanying pair of hugs.  
  
Nabiki's tail lashed as she was forcibly pried off of Ranma by Ukyo and Shampoo.  
  
"Oh and for the record, Nabiki," Jared said with a twinkle in his eye. "Normally, you look at things and wonder 'why', whereas I see the possibilities of other worlds and wonder 'why not' - which makes dimension travel a lot easier to deal with."  
  
Ranma felt lost. "'Dimension Travel?'"  
  
"This looks like the Sabre Marionette J timeline where I fought the demon lord," Jared said. "Or at least this looks like Castle Japonesse. I..."  
  
"Hahahahahaha!" A six year old, blue-eyed, dark brown skinned, white haired, half-elf, girl wearing a yellow flower print dress ran past Jared and ducked into a hallway.  
  
Jared blinked. ~No. I couldn't have seen a half-drow kid running past. Mud, chocolate, hair dye gone wild... it *must* have been something else. They don't HAVE drow on this planet. Heck, they hardly even have humans.~ "Uhmm..."  
  
"I'll get you for that!" A nearly identical girl to the first, except that her eyes were bright green and she was wearing a a green dress (except for a large pink splotch that looked recently applied) ran up and looked at Jared. She curtsied quite well and spoke politely. "Pardon me, sir, but have you happened to see my sister Hisoka?"  
  
~Pointed ears, infravision evident in their eyes.... ~ Jared was busily cataloging the similarities. Too busy to adequately reply.  
  
"Ahem," one of the Shampoos (the marionette) indicated the direction the first girl had gone.  
  
"My thanks, milady." The green eyed drow bowed her head before running off. "Hisoka! I'm gonna get you!"  
  
Jared blinked. Little drow girls? Well, whatever they were, it was only two...  
  
"Waaaahhhhh!" Twelve nearly identical versions of the two that had already past ran by, circled the group twice, and found the correct corridor.  
  
Jared twitched a couple of times.  
  
--------  
  
Ranma/Akumakun timeline:  
  
Nebula watched little bits and pieces of the Tendo dojo rain down. He glanced over to the smoke plume that marked the former location of Furinkan High School.  
  
"Kasumi, just to make things easier on the locals, change name designate to 'Madoka' - it's who you most resemble anyway. Lorelei, you can keep Lorelei. Annie likewise doesn't need a name change."  
  
Kasumi considered briefly and made the appropriate change. "Should I add the familial name?"  
  
"Might as well," agreed Nebula, tucking a bit of windblown white hair behind an ear. "The Prince is nowhere to be seen. We may have to repair the dojo and school. As to what..."  
  
"SHINJI!"  
  
Nebula blinked as someone came running out of nowhere to launch herself towards him.  
  
*WHAM!*  
  
"...owie..." The short haired girl who had "attacked" was lying on her back with her eyes pointing  
in different directions.  
  
Madoka held herself ready, someone had attacked her Master!  
  
"Uhm, Madoka, Annie. Stand down. Lorelei?"  
  
Lorelei activated the scanners in her hands. "Life signs stable. Concussion - minor. She'll have some bruising in that jaw. She's not getting enough calcium either. Or sun. Looks like she's also been missing a lot of sleep lately."  
  
"Safe to carry her?" Nebula asked, surprising the three marionettes.  
  
"Yes..." Lorelei said after a moment.  
  
Nebula tenderly gathered the girl up. "Then we'll get her off the streets."  
  
----------  
  
Ami came to on a blanket in a room that smelled of fresh paint, the distant sound of someone yelling reaching her through the walls.  
  
A girl she'd never seen before blinked at her from nearby.  
  
"I thought I saw Shinji..."  
  
"You did. He left me here to watch over you because I'm a doctor and he needed to keep some people away from you." Lorelei considered. "However he also goes by the name 'Nebula' or 'Ginseng' at times. You know Master?"  
  
"'MASTER?!'" Ami winced from the loudness of her own voice. "What do you mean 'Master'?"  
  
Lorelei stared briefly, then stretched out an arm and popped the access panel on it. "He is our creator and our love."  
  
"But *I* am his wife!" Ami pointed to the ring adorning one of her fingers.  
  
Lorelei considered for a moment. Master had created them. Master was married to the Ami unit. Her database was incomplete, but she started searching. "That would mean that you're our..." Reference located. Lorelei straightened up, a smile blooming. "MAMA!" *GLOMP!*  
  
Ami blinked and considered fainting.  
  
-------  
  
Third Labor timeline:  
  
One moment in a reverie, the next he'd been in a corridor, and just touching some odd cloud - he'd found himself here. Wherever HERE was.  
  
There was Setsuna facing him across a low table, mysterious little smile in place. Instead of her usual garb she was wearing a kimono.   
  
He was kneeling on one of those seat-cushions (the name completely escaping him at the moment) and she was taking some red napkin and folding it over, very elaborately? Then wiping some sort of bamboo spoon with the napkin, laying it carefully aside, then measuring out three spoonfuls of tea leaves into a cup with the spoon. It all seemed somehow familiar and important, but what did it mean?  
  
Other than Setsuna liked tea?  
  
Then taking a measure of steaming water from a pot of the same, she poured it in. There was something of exaggerated grace in each movement, as she didn't simply lay the ladle or the spoon aside, but made a show of putting it down as if one millimeter out of place would have been intolerable.  
  
She used a wisk to stir the tea, then seemed to be looking for something in his eyes before returning her attention to the task at hand. Then she turned the teacup around in her hands three times.  
  
Grey wondered if this dream was trying to tell him something. Counterclockwise turns so something that happened three days ago?  
  
He found himself turning the cup three times, this time clockwise, drinking it in three sips, then turning the cup back counterclockwise three times before setting it down. ~What's the significance of three? Three days? Three hours? Oh, third LABOR! It's something to do with my  
Labor! So tea is significant in the labor? Did the dragonfly patterns on the pot mean something? Was Setsuna's simple kimono symbolic of something?~  
  
He'd never seen Setsuna smile like that. Even in the series after Usagi had led them all to victory, that kind of triumphant happy smile, as if she'd just accomplished something major of her own.  
  
Grey wondered exactly what this all meant.  
  
Setsuna Meiou had realized halfway through the engagement ritual that Grey's dreamself had wandered into *her* dream but had been amused and had been even more amused by the way the sometimes-dragon had been broadcasting his thoughts. Cold as her planetary namesake, Sailor Pluto wouldn't feel a little warmth at knowing that some young man found her attractive and intelligent, if puzzling. Sailor Pluto was into her role as the lonely sentinel too much to really get close to someone, especially after the Queen had severed Pluto's last romance by giving her this duty. (One reason she'd been ready to Dead Scream Usagi when a younger version of that Queen had trespassed near the time gate.) Setsuna Meiou, on the other hand, was a different story.  
  
------  
  
Ami adjusted her glasses. This match would take all her skills in order to claim the prize!  
  
"What is... the cosine of the square root of 24?!"  
  
"THAT'S RIGHT! And Ami Mizuno is our new Jeapordy champion!"   
  
Ami sagged in relief. That had been a tough one!  
  
"Way to go, Ami-chan!" "Ami-chan!" "I knew you could do it, Ami-chan!" "Mizuno-san! Good job!"  
  
"EH?!" Ami's smile slipped a little. Makoto and Rei and Minako cheering her on were expected. Usagi's absence was troubling. More troubling was that familiar male voice using such an unfamiliar term for her. She looked out into the audience. There was Grey-chan. And  
Setsuna-san. Setsuna san was... going through a formal tea ceremony?! An engagement ritual?!  
  
The crowd was sweeping her away from the couple, sweeping her towards...   
  
Ami awoke.  
  
There was some moonlight coming into the cave, and she could make out the shape of Honey-chan over there. Not too far away was the massive shape of Grey, and leaning against him...  
  
was Setsuna Meiou, wearing a satisfied little smile.  
  
"I will not give up," breathed Ami aloud.  
  
-------------  
  
If Grey had been puzzled by a dream dealing with Setsuna doing some sort of tea ceremony, he'd been completely flummoxed by Ami being a contestant on an American game show.  
  
This took the flummoxed and raised it into... he wasn't sure *what* to call it.  
  
"Have you seen the well-to-do  
up and down Park Avenue   
On that famous thoroughfare   
With their noses in the air   
High hats and Arrow collars,   
White spats and lots of dollars   
Spending every dime for a wonderful time"  
  
An elaborate MGM-style musical with Cutey Honey. And he *knew* he had two left feet, (except when he was dragon - then it was four left feet) so how come in this dream he could give Fred Astaire competition? Not very close competition to be sure, but still...  
  
What was the significance of the symbology? Why were dolphins doing backflips in the fountains behind them? Why was this taking place in an ornate chapel? Why were penguins dancing in the sidelines like something out of "Mary Poppins"? Why was some troll over there complaining about how OOC everyone was?   
  
"If you're blue and you   
don't know where to go to   
Why don't you go   
where fashion sits  
Puttin' on the ritz"   
  
Okay, he could believe that "Cutey Honey" Kisaragi could tap dance. In high heels. Doing that midair flip and coming down in a different costume every chorus. THAT wasn't the hard part. (No matter what she did, Honey always tried for excellence, and more often succeeded than not.) The version of Cutey Honey he'd met had varied from Go Nagai's original character in that Nagai-sensei (whose wife he'd met at an anime convention and immediately been struck with the concept that he'd based the character on his wife) had never come up with an explanation for the shifting of clothes or talents other than the atmospheric condensor mechanism. The Honey-chan he'd met during one of his two stints as Ranma had templates with the necessary skills (and to some extent personalities) at expert level.  
  
"Diff'rent types who wear a day coat,  
pants with stripes,  
And cutaway coat,   
perfect fits,  
Puttin' on the ritz."  
  
The chorus line, composed of OTHER versions of Honey-san in different outfits, THAT was concerning. (The one where she was "dressed" as Kekko Kamen was just plain disconcerting.) Honey-chan had always struck him as being such a *nice* girl, errr, android, girl of artificial origin, artiform, synthoid, borgcy? (Her outer layers (skin, muscle tissue, fat layers, eyes, etc) were cloned human tissue of artificial origin. Sort of like his cyborg form in reverse. Instead of a core of humanity (nerve tissue mainly) surrounded by the machine, Honey was a mechanical being wrapped in humanity. And like Data in Star Trek The Next Generation, he'd discovered that Honey-chan suffered from the Pinnochio Syndrome.)  
  
"Dressed up like a million dollar trooper   
Trying hard to look like Gary Cooper   
Super duper."  
  
A conversation during his Second Labor had revealed some of Honey-chan's core personality to Grey. She wanted to be human. She wanted to have and raise children. (Though as far as she knew, the first was impossible. She wasn't an Armitage style "Third.") She had nightmares about the flesh being stripped away, leaving her a broken friendless machine, or merging with an otherdimensional analogue only to find that she was a washing machine in that timeline. She worried about whether she had a soul or not. She was a strong person, and caring, and tough in a lot of ways. On an emotional level, however, she was very very vulnerable.  
  
"Come let's mix   
Where Rockefellers walk with sticks   
Or 'um-ber-ellas' in their mitts   
Puttin' on the ritz."   
  
Ryoga wandering through the background, holding hands with Akari Unryu, ignoring all of the insanity around them, just added a further surrealism to the event. Watching Honey-chan tap dancing in some feminine style tuxedo, then flip/change and come down in a *wedding dress* and continue the dance without missing a step, he wasn't sure how to interpret this.   
  
"Strolling up the avenue so happy   
All dressed up just like an English chappie   
Very snappy!"  
  
Grey metaphorically shook his head. More people he'd met showing up in the background. The Senshi as bridesmaids? And some he didn't recognize at all. The chapel was filling up with them as the song neared completion. And dozens of "Honey-chans" in costumes ranging from an elegant businesswoman to a video-game martial artist's "almost not there" wear.   
  
"You'll declare   
It's simply 'top-thing' to be there   
And hear them swapping smart tidbits   
Puttin' on the ritz."  
  
Grey tried to make some sense of this, and the only theory he could come up with was that the basic psychic abilities of a dragon (such as the translator effect) were picking up thought-noise that his subconscious was trying to integrate into something understandable.   
  
"Puttin' on the ritz."  
  
The only thing obvious was that his subconscious was not doing a very good job.  
  
  
------------  
  
Ranma/Akumakun timeline:  
  
Kasumi stared at the mirror, her hand halfway raised as if she wanted to touch the image. Then she brought her hands up, letting her fingers sift through the thick strands of hair hanging like a cap from her scalp.  
  
That they were the wrong color, being blonde, and making her look like some ai no ko, was noted. It was also discarded as a good bottle of hair dye would take care of the problem.  
  
"As y'all can plainly see, the stuff works exactly as Ah said it would," Black Bart said, smirk in place. "So y'all can see the benefits of throwin' in with mah gang."  
  
Kasumi ran her fingers through it again. Okay, it was blonde. Maybe an inch and a half of growth. But it was *hair* - something she had begun consoling herself would be gone forever.  
  
"If'n ya join up with mah gang, Ah'll git ya the rest. Ya can grow yur eyebrows back, grow yur hair as long as yah like. Whatta ya say?" Black Bart was expecting the calvary to arrive. The hero to come waltzing in. Even the Injuns to come and attack for their own "nefarious purposes."   
  
Kasumi blinked, having been overwhelmed by her reunion with her hair. "I'm sorry, did you say something?"  
  
Black Bart briefly considered facefaulting but decided it lacked proper villainous dignity. "Ah said that if y'all join mah gang, you'll get the rest of the bottle and be able to regrow the rest of yur hair."  
  
Kasumi blinked. "Okay."  
  
Black Bart stopped. As the sawmill was being fixed, and as she was the first proper ingenue he'd run into locally, he'd planned on threatening her with tied to the totem pole and undergoing the dread "Torture of a Thousand Feathers." It wouldn't do to actually harm the only suitable Lady they'd found yet. "Excuse me?"  
  
Kasumi nodded. "It sounds like fun. Can I see your kitchen?"  
  
Black Bart was ready for almost any contingency. Success hadn't been on the list.   
  
-------------  
  
SMJ World:  
  
Jared was distracted in a big way. Not only was he watching little half-drow girls playing in the courtyard of Castle Japonesse, but there was Nabiki-neko giggling and playing with them.   
  
Nabiki. Giggling. Chasing her tail and playing with kids. The mind boggled at the concept.   
  
A darkskinned child giggled and nudged her paler neighbor. "She's just like Nabiki! Just doesn't have as much fur."   
  
Jared twitched. "Uhm, she *is* Nabiki."  
  
"They mean the Nabiki on one of the 'Anime Avante' TV programs," clarified Nabiki with a grin. "Its a set of R rated at least programs they show in non-children hours. One of the guards told me about it. So howcome, Lotus, that you know about it? Hmmmmm?"  
  
Lotus squealed in false terror. Nabiki made an exaggerated show of flicking her fingers as if they were claws and stalking forward.  
  
"Nabiki. Return." Jared held up his PokeBall and returned Nabiki to its confines. The problem with play like that was that it could be so easily misinterpreted.   
  
There were gasps all around.  
  
"She really *is* Nabiki," said Lotus in a wonderous voice. There were nods and agreeing noises all around.  
  
"Waaa! I wanna be a Pokegirl too!" A dusky skinned girl declared, standing on a table with a towel tucked into her collar as an ersatz cape. She made sentai gestures as she continued. "To strike for justice, love, shopping, fun, and lotsa snuggling!"  
  
"Yeah! I want my own TV series too!" "Me thwee!" "She means 'three' -Arlissa lost her front teeth." "'Never underestimate the power of a Japonesse housewife!'" "'Pokeball go!'" "Can I see your Balls, Mister Elf?"   
  
Jared backed away with a look of horror.   
  
----------  
  
"Kasumi, I choose you!" *SHOOM!*  
  
Jared watched with a twitching eyebrow. This was *bad*.   
  
On the TV, a furry girl in a frilly apron and housedress was holding a broom and standing in front of some boy who had been pounded practically into the pavement. "You won't get away with this!"  
  
That looked (sort of) and dressed like Kasumi, but it was a young boy's tenor for the cartoon character's voice.   
  
The villain was, oddly enough, a lecherous looking young boy. He laughed and it came out more of a titter than anything else. "All women belong to ME! Ataru Moroboshi! Soon you will come to appreciate my talents, Kasumi-chan."  
  
Nabiki looked up at Jared's expression and turned the set off. "That's it. Now I don't know where they got these concepts, or our likenesses, but..."  
  
"I do." Jared groaned. "Readouts of data from Grey's mind. Either its garbled or there's a world out there where THAT is going on."  
  
"Some world where I'm a catgirl who can teleport and turn invisible?" Nabiki smirked, though her tail lashing betrayed her agitation. "Where Kasumi is some sort of Miyazaki fox-squirrel kind of girl? Well, I suppose it's easier for me to believe *after* I got these." Nabiki indicated her cat ears.  
  
Jared entered the room. "I just finished..."  
  
Nabiki hissed, tail sticking out like a broomstick, and found herself on all fours standing on the TV.  
  
"Oh, didn't you tell her?" The second Jared asked the first.  
  
"Didn't have a chance," said the first Jared with a shrug.  
  
"It's the 'Body Outside Body' spell," said both Jareds. They scowled and looked at each other. "Are you going to tell this or am I? Fine go ahead!"  
  
"Somebody tell me," Nabiki growled, ears flattened in irritation.  
  
"You're the mage," said the second one. "I'm just a superspy."  
  
"Oh, all right." The first Jared shrugged. "So anyway, there's this spell that splits me into component selves."  
  
"I'm the superspy adventurer Skysaber. He's the archimage Ashida Sanzennin."  
  
"Gre... I mean Akane gave me this idea for using a spelltrap to extend the duration of the spell that normally lasts a few hours at most." Ashida shrugged.  
  
Nabiki blinked and slowly pointed at her brooch.  
  
"Yep. Now Gr... Akane was just a median level Healer cleric. How could he... she make a spelltrap to extend a spell duration over a dozen times?"  
  
Nabiki snarled. "Would you two *stop* talking down to me?! So this 'cleric' made my brooch and it worked. Big deal! You're not taking my brooch!"  
  
"But it doesn't work anymore," argued Ashida. "Akane would have had to cast a 'Cloak Of Belonging' daily to recharge it."  
  
"That's another spell we ought to add to our 'to be researched' pile."  
  
"Nah, already got something that does the same basic thing."  
  
Nabiki had lost her irritation and her head was now going back and forth like at a tennis match. "So you want to put your own spell in it so you can do this multiple you thing?"   
  
"Something like that. Have you looked at your brooch?" Ashida pointed to it.  
  
Nabiki looked at it, not for the first time. Thin crystalline lenses, bound in silver wire, in the shape of a cross, with a central green stone - malachite she'd guessed. "So how much are you willing to pay?"  
  
"How about a gateway back home?" Jared suggested. "You, Ranma, his two fiancees?"  
  
Nabiki scowled at the reminder but had to admit she did miss Kasumi. Maybe she should take Lina up on her offer.  
  
"What about Project: Payback?" The Mage asked the Superspy.  
  
The superspy adventurer merely made a circle of thumb and forefinger, the other three fingers spread wide. That and the gleam in his eye was answer enough.  
  
-----------  
  
Third Labor Timeline, 801 AD:  
  
"They'll come, won't they?" Father James leaned on his walking stick and seemed to address the ocean.  
  
The woman sitting along the seawall nodded. "Yes. Though the armies will take months to muster in their strength, and the trip here longer."  
  
James nodded. "And they will destroy all that we have learned and wrought here." It wasn't a question.  
  
"It is called 'corruption' for a reason. It spreads to everything it can, tainting them. Political considerations are foremost among those seeking to gain and maintain their power."  
  
James sighed and glanced at the woman. "We will not fight. Christians are oft beset with troubles in these times, and life is precious in any eventuality. We can melt like the shadows before their onslaught. Our knowledge and art, the books and devices we have accumulated, are not quite so mobile. We need a safe haven."  
  
Setsuna nodded. "We are not supposed to assist you."  
  
James smirked. "I know. I already have an idea where to go, and how to get there."  
  
Setsuna wasn't surprised very often. Pleasantly surprised was an even rarer event.  
  
==========  
  
  
Third Labor Chapter 14  
  
"Japanese omelette."  
  
DISCLAIMER: somebody else came up with these characters, or some of them, or some version of them, or something like that. Story deals with alternate universes, time travel, and Bennu's Third Law of Temporal Escalation, and even what started as an SI character.  
  
------  
  
  
803 AD:  
  
Grey moved his head wearily. Lots of weird dreams. Dancing like Fred Astaire to "Cutey Honey" doing a Ginger Rogers was strange. Attending a cosplay convention with Rei had been amusing. A dream with Minako Aino, this time as members of MiB (agents G and Ai) revoking the alien registration cards of two mooncats? Another dream of Ami, this time she was a pediatrician and he was a motorcycle mechanic and they were married? And why did she stick her tongue out at Setsuna all those times?   
  
He'd dreamed of sharing a house with Setsuna, a room at the shrine with Rei, a tiny Japanese apartment with Apple/Makoto, of Hotaru graduating nursing college to escort them to their two bedroom apartment. He'd dreamed of a mountaintop chalet with Kasumi, spelunking with Nabiki, a lakeshore camping trip with Shampoo, and of a fireside chat with Ukyo. Nuku Nuku and her time spent on a tropical island.  
  
He'd dreamed and it wasn't until they'd moved into lemon territory that he'd realized something.  
  
These weren't *his* dreams.  
  
He'd begun to get suspicious when Rei started introducing him to a lot of people he didn't know but she certainly did. Then she'd whisked him off to a private room at the same ryokan. It hadn't been until things dealing with sex started intruding that he'd realized something didn't fit. He'd begun fighting the dream, something he hadn't felt the need for when it was just cuddling. It had been like a battle of the channel changers, everytime he'd fought it into something safe, Rei had asserted herself and the scene had blurred and returned to *her* idea of wild passionate sex.   
  
Then the others' dreams had likewise started going that route. It had been both bizarre and enlightening.  
  
They didn't do it the same, and some of the details fell under "too much information." So far he'd been able to fight off to a stalemate, but it was only a matter of time before he was worn down. He'd known from kissing that they tended to do it a bit differently. Kasumi, for example, kissed in a manner that was gentle and soft and warm. Rei Hino was more a "I wanna kiss NOW" take charge sort once she'd gotten the urge. Setsuna, for example, was very much the "no nonsense" approach but had more patience and initial hesitancy. Once she had committed though, it was like the lonely soldier was making up for lost time and latched on with a strength and fervor such as you'd expect from a drowning man whose fingers have just touched a life preserver.   
  
Nuku was playful and one of the few that didn't keep wresting control back from him. When he directed the dream towards cuddling, she happily went with that. Honey, on the other hand, was *very* demanding, and from her comments during the fight was desperate on some level for affection and this most basic human interaction as confirmation that she was human and desirable.   
  
What was worse, and more insightful, about each was visiting their nightmares.  
  
Honey Kisaragi's had been the first he'd encountered, and he'd managed to struggle and banish that one, changing it to one where he simply held her. Her dream had been the loss of her apparent humanity, changing first to a mannequin, then losing more and more semblence of  
humanity until a broken machine that looked less human than R2D2 was left. Grey hadn't any idea how long he'd simply held her, flesh slowly regrowing over her frame, but eventually she did slip into a deeper and more restful sleep.  
  
Nuku Nuku's was similar. She was both cat and android, cyborg and catgirl, human and machine. Her fears seemed to be based on less losing her humanity than losing her *self* by becoming just a cat or just a machine. She didn't seem to have a clear concept of either, and didn't seem to fear either the android or human. She responded to comfort by curling up and purring. Certainly not the worst reaction she could have.  
  
So Grey was very hesitant about opening his eyes and seeing what and who was in his cave. Then the ravenous hunger took over and higher brain functions shut down.  
  
------  
  
Ranma/Akumakun Timeline:  
  
Black Bart looked at the ingenue again. "Miss Kasumi, perhaps life as a desperado just isn't your style."  
  
"Oh dear. Did I do it wrong again?"  
  
Black Bart groaned at the sight of Kasumi Tendo, carrying a tray of cookies, and interrupting his men (and woman) from their attempts at a cattle stampede. "Miss Tendo, err, how do I put this in a proper right fashion? Milk and cookies are really not appropriate for the proper villainous atmosphere we be putting out here."  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"That's all right, Miss Kasumi. We'll find other uses for y'all."  
  
-------  
  
Six years had been a long time, and as the currents of time were so strong and hard to navigate that only Setsuna could manage it (and it tended to exhaust her reserves rather thoroughly), some of the girls had given up. They might have stated that they would be back, but it didn't make much difference at the moment. Once gone off to their own pursuits, they had not returned. With the exception of Setsuna herself, who freely admitted that she did not care to rough it at all.   
  
Had Grey been awake, he certainly could not have blamed anyone for giving up. He was trapped in his Labors, uncertain if he would succeed, stuck in time (Setsuna *had* tried moving him in human form to the proper era, only to discover that the time vortex was centered on him), and not able to offer much comfort.  
  
Everyone admitted that the living conditions in the Ninth Century, well, they stunk. Literally and figuratively. Visit the locals and you risk paradox as well as any number of nasty diseases, though Setsuna *was* able to cadge a number of things from those nice people at that monastery she kept vanishing to.  
  
Ami had gone off. Medical school beckoned. Her chance to become a pediatrician.  
  
Minako roughed it for three days, but had begun losing weight rapidly. Having to kill your own food was a *big* minus for her and a few others. She'd quietly folded on the third day.  
  
Apple, sometimes known as Makoto, stuck with it for six months. Then she'd forgotten to boil her water sufficiently once. Like Minako, she'd had to go back and receive medical treatment.   
  
Rei had only lasted a day before she fell off a log and broke a leg. She returned to the future as well.  
  
And so the war of attrition had continued.  
  
---------  
  
Ranma/Akumakun timeline:  
  
"No, Ranko, hold the bucket with the other hand."  
  
"Weren't we going to dump it out?"  
  
"Yes, but on the porch. We've got valuable sudsy water here, no reason to go wasting it. We'd only have to mix up another batch to scrub the front porch. Besides, you remember making that soap, do you really want to go wasting it?"  
  
Grumbling about never believing his pops saying girls were weak again, and adjusting her bonnet over her western style house dress, Girl-Ranma went and dumped the bucket of wash water over the front steps and began scrubbing while behind her Sherry and Nabiki went on hanging the wash they'd done in that water.  
  
Nabiki looked more than slightly peeved at the task, grumbling around a mouthful of clothes pins.  
  
"Nabiki, did you just say something unladylike?"  
  
The expression on the Tendo girl's face was priceless, but it confirmed that statement. Sherry shook out a blanket on the line and sat down, to both other girls' startlement. She laughed and said. "Contrary to your first impression, you're allowed to take frequent breaks in housework just so long as you get things done. We've had all of the startup costs to get through, maintaining a household once you have it in order is much easier. So go ahead, take a breather."  
  
Moaning with fatigue, Ranko's arms shivered and she collapsed onto her face on the wet boards. Looking a little peaked herself, Nabiki slumped to a seat on the grass.  
  
Sherry giggled, shaking her head. "You two... this is not so bad, you know."  
  
"Says you." Came back the chorus, with Nabiki wondering out loud how Kasumi managed to survive a lifestyle like this.  
  
Sherry leaned back and let the sun play on her face. "A couple of reasons. One, is that you're not just dealing with the effort of the work here, you are paying extra effort to learn how to do these things. Then there are the muscles that've never been worked that way. So in all you are still overcoming the initial foibles of acquiring the skill. Things get alot easier later on." The redhead looked around. "Then there's the fact that we're getting the ranch up and moving, so you're getting hit with alot more work than normal because we're establishing a home instead of just keeping one running."  
  
Her face crinkled with merriment. "But mostly you're not used to it."  
  
"Why are you even *here*, anyway?" Nabiki moaned from her seat on the grass. "Didn't you, you know, get your ticket out of here or something?"  
  
Sherry shrugged. "I had things still here to learn. Besides, I am only one of me. Thanks to that trick with the holding thingy there are now a good half dozen of me running about. Only one is the *real* me, of course, but good luck finding which one."  
  
Nabiki grumbled something.  
  
"Tsk, Nabiki, that *also* sounded quite unladylike."  
  
---------------  
  
Ginseng/Shinji/Nebula waited for Ami to gradually recover from her shocks, watching her nervously as he did.  
  
Lorelei, Madoka, and Anni were all also watching Ami nervously. Her "daughters" were unsure of what to do, and their previous attempt at "Mother-Daughter bonding" had caused Ami to scream for help. It had taken Nebula some quick explanations that no actual physical bonds were used before they'd untied Ami.  
  
Ami eyed her "daughters" uncertainly. Marionette androids, robots who had emotions that they were still developing. In many ways the three were children despite being her own age in appearance. She had watched "Kimagure Orange Road" and so the likeness of Madoka Ayukawa touched a chord of memory. In some ways Madoka reminded Ami of her friend Makoto. Then there was Doctor Lorelei, with her cascade of strawberry-blonde hair. And finally Anni - "Why Annipuma?"  
  
"She was one of two Puma class prototype marionettes," explained Nebula. "i was developing various new styles of marionettes and the Puma class was one. They were mainly intended as tank killers on a world where helicopter gunships could not fill their usual role. Fast and manueverable, enhanced sense of hearing and good nightvision capabilities, those spiked knuckles on her gauntlets are a discharge device for a sonic spike to break through armor. When my chance came to leave, i couldn't sneak away with all of my prototypes, so i just left a message to follow when they could and only took the three physically closest to me at the time."  
  
"Then you have others?" Ami frowned. "I thought you said there were only these three?"  
  
"With me. i had prototypes of all the basic models that i'd come up with and developed." Nebula gestured and Lorelei walked up to him, then turned to continue quizzically looking at her "mother." "Lorelei is a one of a kind, because she uses human engram technology. Madoka was also unique, and had been rejected by the Palace as they felt their own Sabre Marionette O series to be better overall. Madoka is stronger, but slower and fatigues faster."  
  
Ami blinked a few times. "Eh to. So they're in this other world, and they're unlikely to show up."  
  
"Yeah, i gave back up commands. If it proves impossible to follow me, they'll turn up at Doctor Lorelei's office and find work there." Nebula shrugged helplessly. "i was interested in exploring the rest of that world and my death was quite possible. Having a Moon Kingdom Prince summon me from offplane, *that* i hadn't anticipated."  
  
Ami silently allowed that life *did* have a habit of throwing the unexpected in the way of one's carefully wrought plans. "So how much of you is Shinji?" She didn't say *her* Shinji.  
  
"i'm the albino half-angel Shinji Ikari that you knew. i'm also Nebula, the Knight Of Duty, who was born in the Silver Millenium and became the consort of a Queen for a brief time. i'm also Ginseng, the marionette turned human woman turned human man who engineered new sorts of androids for the Japonesse government. There are aspects of myself that i know of that don't appear to be present. i am your Shinji and these others, but i seem to be missing a few pieces nonetheless. It's... troubling."  
  
Ami could tell that he was indeed troubled by this, though she could only grasp the problem in a vague intellectual manner. "So what do you think happened?"  
  
"i think they're still around, but seperate. Where, how, why, all these i don't even have a theory at this point." Nebula shook his head, causing his white hair to tumble. "Too many questions, not enough answers."  
  
-------  
  
Third Labor timeline: 806 AD:  
  
It was a slow crawl back to rationality. Upon awakening from the Dragonsleep, all he'd been conscious of was the overwhelming hunger.   
  
When he was finally fully aware, he looked around the field. Scattered bloody bones, and not many of them. He immediately proceeded to freak out from this. Nausea, horror, guilt, and shame overwhelming him. Even though all of the remaining bones were clearly not of human origin...  
  
He couldn't have, could he?  
  
Grey retreated to his cave, shaking with reaction to these events, so rattled he couldn't even get an Augury off correctly.  
  
------  
  
Setsuna Meiou stood on the flagstones of the monastery and looked at the ships with a raised eyebrow. Her seifuku had been put aside for now, a long skirt of cotton and a blouse of linen being more practical in the windy clime she found herself in. "Fairly large ships." She tactfully did not add "for this time period."   
  
"Forty cubits was sufficient for Noah. Noah, unfortunately, nae attempted to be bringing a library." Korin indicated the arc nearest her. "They had to be built elsewhere and then sailed here, where we could load these ships."  
  
"Good Christians should not slay Christians," said another priest's wife in the small crowd, "if'n it can be avoided at all."  
  
"Feh, they be seeing a threat where there needn't be. Tis a sad thing, it is," added a third.  
  
"I be missing this place already," began a fourth. "Yet this place the auguries speak of may be fine enow, it will take some time for it to be home."  
  
Setsuna nodded, and waved upon seeing a familiar face beckon. "Pardon me, ladies. I see my friends are ready."  
  
"Take care of yeself, Mrs Grey." Korin said as a dismissal, suspecting she'd never see the somewhat distant woman again.  
  
"And you too, Korin, ladies." Setsuna quickly made her way across the yard to where three others waited.  
  
"He should be awakening soon," Honey Kisaragi said to Setsuna.  
  
"Should be," agreed Setsuna. "However, time and my usual methods of scrying, whether you count Sailor Pluto or the spells of a chronomancer, are a bit hampered in this timeline."  
  
"Wanna visit Grey-chan," pouted Nuku Nuku.  
  
"I agree with Nuku Nuku on this," said Hotaru, looking a lot like "Mistress 9" at age 19, but quite a bit more pleasant. "Grey-san is only two months away from being asleep the expected time. What if he wakes up and we're not there?"  
  
"Then he will find the cattle ranging not far away," said Setsuna coolly. "We can catch up with him shortly thereafter. In the meantime there is a topic we should discuss."  
  
"Nuku Nuku want to sleep with Grey."  
  
Setsuna flinched. "That is precisely what we should discuss."  
  
"She means the memories of his previous lives that we saw in his dreams," Honey said to a blushing Hotaru.  
  
"Oh," Hotaru said a moment later. "Well, I'm just a friend anyway."  
  
"Yeah right," muttered Setsuna under her breath.  
  
"He's lived lifetimes he doesn't remember, save in dreams," warned Honey. "Still we should take them as serious because they help to shape him. He's been involved with more than one of the Sailor Scouts."  
  
"'Senshi'" automatically corrected Hotaru and Setsuna.  
  
"Whatever," waved off Honey. "We know from checking the records that in the Silver Millenium he was banished by Queen Serenity, had a brief fling with Jupiter until *she* went after someone who more embodied her ideal, then *you* broke his heart when duty called, Pluto."  
  
"It was duty, and he understood that." Setsuna replied, well knowing that it had still hurt.  
  
Honey knew what had been left unsaid. "Ami needed some time after seeing that time that she had been involved with him, only to end up holding her dying body during Lucifer's attack. Apple could deal with that time where he was the adoptive parent of Lita Storm, but Makoto could not. Minako and Rei likewise had their scenes replayed. He has *not* had any memories concerning myself or Atsuko, indicating that perhaps he's *never* been involved with us."  
  
"He was, in the Pheonix Mage's timeline," began Setsuna.  
  
"Being turned *into* Nuku Nuku is not the same as being in a relationship with her," interrupted Honey. "I've read the briefing on his First Labor. The only one actively interested in him in *that* timeline was Queen Serenity."  
  
"There was also Nodoka Saotome, though she was waiting for the divorce to be finalized before she would express much interest," Setsuna corrected.  
  
"After Genma, you think she'd be interested in someone her own age who displayed an understanding of concepts like duty and personal responsibility?" Hotaru joked, attempting to lighten the moment.   
  
Honey wasn't easily distracted. "And those are the two reasons we should be there when he awakens."  
  
-------  
  
Keian glanced towards the keep, taking the moment to catch his breath. "They hae the power and ability, yet they be refusing to aid us in these troubled times. I know their ways are strange, and their laws forbid them to aid us o'er much, but it still rankle a bit at times. They can only make minor points and never advise us in direct fashion. Most strange."  
  
"Aye," said Percival, who was still not the Arthurian figure, but had been named after him. "Sure are slender womenfolk, ye'd think a strong breeze would blow them over."  
  
"No callouses on their hands either," Keian agreed. "Must truly be a strange life they come from. When we slaughtered a calf the other day, ye should ha' seen that darkhaired girl's expression. You'd think she'd never seen such a thing."  
  
"She hadn't," said Percival, working his shoulders to get some of the soreness out. "Tell me, Keian. What think you of this bolthole the Father has chosen. These divinations and prayers are not my style, give me something I can work with me hands like a forge."  
  
"I hae cast my prayers upon the waters and hae seen it." Keian said. "A set of islands in a land of warmth and sun. In some ways a paradise. Yet many things we'll need, we must seek elsewhere and bring to the place. And I see storms that do sweep in and scour the lands a' times."  
  
Percival nodded, then lifted his load again. "Well, good enough, I guess. Tis their way, and this be ours. If'n ye say the place be there, that be good enough. It may not be perfect, but then, only He is."  
  
Keian smiled and shook his head at the younger priest's statement. It was easy to dismiss the rough hewn younger man as some huge but simple fellow. Easy, but incorrect.  
  
"Keian! Enough woolgathering," shouted one of the elder priests. "These supplies will not load themselves ye know!"  
  
--------  
  
Ranma/Akumakun timeline:  
  
Kasumi happily hummed as she re-entered her house, ignoring the fact that Grey had rebuilt it.  
  
Grey had long practiced a number of construction skills, and it was mainly these skills that he'd made use of over the years. He'd built walls and repaired houses in Asgard, worked aboard starships and constructed secret bases in a Star Wars universe, been a small time trader/repairman in the United Federation Of Planets, and similar roles in other worlds. A constant was that he was the sort to try and fix things whenever possible, and he was usually pretty good at it.  
  
The Tendo Dojo was therefore fixed. That it didn't look the same was to be expected. Grey was not nearly as over-the-top as Jared tended to be. Every so often though, he'd get an idea. Then all Chaos would break out, in a manner of speaking.  
  
And, as he'd wanted to safeguard Ami and had the assistance of three marionettes, it had become something entirely different indeed.  
  
On the roof, in the hot tub, Soun Tendo wept at the thought of what the tax assessors were going to do when they saw this.  
  
Kasumi wasn't oblivious though, she noted the changes long before she'd crossed the moat. She'd noted that there were now five floors and the top of the Tendo mansion was a greenhouse sort of thing. She hadn't seen the Tendo house get blown apart, yet she was quite aware that a different house had been erected in its place.  
  
Kasumi passed the sensor array without a glance on her part or a beep from it. It was when she passed the grumbling about how weird this all was Akane that she finally got a reaction.  
  
"KA-KASUMI?!" Akane's eyes got wide. "You've got hair!"  
  
"Yes," Kasumi said, fingering the thick growth on her scalp. "That nice Mr. Bart gave me something for that. Said that it was a darn shame and that he was looking forward to kidnapping me again when I'd regrown the rest of it. Wasn't that nice of him?"  
  
Akane blinked repeatedly as she digested that. "How?"  
  
Kasumi pulled a bottle of some reddish fluid out of her purse. "This regrows hair. He said something about how a proper 'damsel in distress' ought to look the part."  
  
Akane continued blinking. Genma, listening from where he was in a full body cast in the next room, could only moan in frustration. Finally Akane focussed in on salient points. "Did you notice that you're now a blonde?"  
  
Kasumi nodded, smile still in place. "I may have to do something about that, though Doctor Tofu seemed quite taken with my new look."  
  
"Doctor Tofu *likes* it?" Akane couldn't help but continue staring.  
  
"Yes, I saw him on the way here. He acts so silly at times, though he really cares about his patients. He seemed a bit depressed when I lost my hair but cheered up when I told him that this formula would grow hair very quickly. From what Mr. Bart said, this might actually grow my hair longer than it has ever been. Won't that be nice?"  
  
Genma wept copious amounts and wondered how he would get his hands on whatever it was that would regrow hair that Kasumi had. He had seen Kasumi even more bald than he was, and vowed that whatever it took, he would get his hands on this miracle. Maybe it was some sort of idol or something. Or, considering that it came from Black Bart, maybe it was a cowboy hat or something.  
  
Akane looked at the bottle and fingered her own hair, which had gotten damaged by neglect during the time she had been out. "Doctor Tofu..."  
  
Kasumi happily went into her revamped kitchen, noting that it was much larger and that the stove was also bigger. How nice. She took a moment to glance in a mirror, still reveling in the fact that she had hair once again and that it was growing every time she rinsed with the formula. Now it was slightly longer than Nabiki's "pageboy" haircut, and tonight's application might see another quarter inch or so.  
  
The eldest daughter of the Tendos reflected that Mr. Bart may be a scurrilous rogue, and might be a villain, but he was polite and well mannered and treated her with respect. She contrasted him to a number of people in her life, and found that Mr. Bart was likely the closest thing she had to a suitor. While she liked silly Doctor Tofu, he was just plain *too* silly. Whenever she tried to have a conversation with him, he'd start giggling or dancing with his skeleton Betty or doing something else like that.  
  
If only he wasn't a villain.   
  
While she was distracted, Kasumi didn't notice someone taking the bottle of hair tonic.  
  
-------  
  
The gateway opened. Ami spent a moment looking at her husband in the glow before walking through, feeling her heart beat faster just from the touch of his hand on her own. And then...  
  
"Not very defensible," noted Annipuma.   
  
"Kinda small," said Madoka.  
  
"Mama! Where's our rooms?" Lorelei asked brightly. "Ooo! A computer!"  
  
Shinji/Nebula stared deeply into Ami's eyes. Ami stared deeply into her husband's eyes. Without any apparent cue, they started leaning closer simultaneously.  
  
*SIGH*  
  
The group sigh interrupted the two and they became aware of three marionette "daughters" watching with wistful happy expressions.  
  
"Mommy loves Daddy," noted Lorelei. "Daddy loves Mommy. All comments about it being an unhealthy relationship and Mommy being a weak dysfunctional woman because she has feelings for a male to the side, it seems a fairly healthy relationship."  
  
"i told you to take that NOW literature with a grain of doubt, Lorelei-chan," groaned Nebula as Ami merely puzzled over the reference.  
  
"I still think 'Mother' needs to work out more," suggested Madoka, "and maybe carry a plasma cannon."  
  
Annipuma nodded emphatically. "What if crazed mutant rat yoma attack like in that last world?"  
  
"Uhm," Ami said, little sweatdrop in place. "Honestly? I'd call the police."  
  
"If Genma attacks Ami, I have just two words to say on the matter." Nebula was suddenly holding his knightly weapon - the Chain of Duty. "Panda Steaks."  
  
Madoka and Anni licked their lips and started fantasizing about peppered panda steaks.  
  
Ami smiled, certain that her husband was kidding.  
  
Lorelei considered for a moment. Maybe cracked black pepper, over a mesquite grill? That would tend to get most of the carcinogens out. Hmmm.   
  
---------  
  
Genma, sneaking out of his bed in the revamped Tendo home, shivered in a cold breeze. Admittedly the burn wraps and casts impeded his movement, but he was a master of Anything Goes. And in Anything Goes, action came before (or in place of) thought!  
  
That there were pressure bandages, burn salve, and casts in place wasn't important. Getting his hands on whatever gave Kasumi her hair back *was* important.  
  
The balding martial artist stopped at a corner, seeing Akane sneaking away from the kitchen. Dismissing such odd behavior, Genma continued on to stare at confirmation of what he had heard. It was a few shades lighter, but there was Kasumi with hair covering her head once again. As it was the wrong color, it was unlikely to be another wig.  
  
An idea clicked and Genma snuck away again, this time rushing as fast as he could to where Akane had disappeared. The girl already had hair, but had taken it anyway. Conclusion: Akane's crusade against weirdness would have the youngest Tendo destroying whatever had given her elder sister hair again!  
  
Clearly, this could not be tolerated.  
  
Genma snuck with all the considerable skill he had in such endeavors. There! His prey had just snuck out of sight and was examining a bottle of some potion! Now she was drinking it!  
  
Genma dashed forward.  
  
------------  
  
Akane had taken the bottle of the latest weirdness to hit her family. She had wanted Doctor Tofu to notice her for so long, and had grown her hair long for just such a reason. Now she had longer, silkier, hair than her sister Kasumi. Unfortunately, this would soon change and Kasumi would use this to regain the lost ground.  
  
Just a sip or two, and Akane could tell if this was something her often oblivious older sister could use safely or if it was merely more weirdness and would turn on them later. And if it made her own hair longer and silkier and got Doctor Tofu's attention: so much the better!  
  
The stuff tasted horrible and Akane made a face as the first swallow passed her lips. Then she felt hands trying to pull away the bottle and she drank deeper, fighting back automatically. She realized it was Mister Saotome a moment later, but the sudden itching was so intense that she didn't pursue.  
  
"Let go! I need that more than you!" Genma finally wrenched the bottle away from the girl, sending another two doses to splash down on Akane's face and the front of her dress. Leaping away, Genma chugged the remainder of the bottle in quick order.  
  
-----------  
  
Third Labor Timeline:  
  
"I *told* you!" Honey Kisaragi said to Setsuna, her voice echoing in the empty cave.  
  
"We'll simply teleport to where he is," Setsuna replied frostily. She wasn't wrong, after all. She'd simply been less right than she normally was.  
  
Ami mused, seeming to wander away from the others. Partly she wanted to follow Grey. Partly she wanted to see if it could be done again. Partly she wanted to one-up that Setsuna Meiou and her smirkily superior manner. Okay, mostly the last one.  
  
The sometimes Senshi of Ice tuned out the argument between Setsuna and Honey out, then the clumsy attempts of Nuku Nuku to play peacemaker, then the breeze and cold.  
  
Finally she found the "heart of the dragon" within her and focussed her concentration on that.  
  
Setsuna was cut off in mid-argument as Ami screamed in pain and triumph, her form blurring and lengthening, a tail forming and lengthening, wings snapping out to reveal bluish highlights and vanes among fine silver scales.  
  
With a brief toothy grin and slight blush, Ami launched herself into the air, finding herself clumsy at first but quickly gaining confidence as she began experimenting with her power of flight.  
  
Setsuna winced and held her staff up. "Okay, we've got to get to him first. Another teleport coming right up."  
  
"Yay! We gonna go find Grey-chan!" Nuku bounced like a cheerleader.   
  
Setsuna groaned at the utter lack of dignity held by certain young androids, but continued building energy for the Teleport. She was cheered slightly as Ami misjudged a thermal and lost a sizeable amount of altitude before catching herself. Ami obviously was an inexperienced flyer.  
  
Honey, Nuku, and Setsuna teleported. Ami flew on, though she noticed there was some difficulty in *keeping* the dragonshape.  
  
-------------  
  
Grey flew on, wings beating as maintained altitude. They weren't dead, but he couldn't tell where they were. Odd that he could feel their presence like that, but they were out of range for whatever that direction sense thing was.  
  
As it was, he thought he had figured out where they were: Japan. Fighting the demons that had infested their homeland. He should have figured that out sooner. Which meant that he had to get there as soon as possible and aid them. He'd seen demons working before, and they tended to be nastier than anything Queen Beryl or Nehelenia could come up with. They couldn't be prepared for that level of nastiness!  
  
Grey felt an odd tug and almost shifted back to a human form. Even though his dragonform was natural now, he realized he didn't know that much about being a dragon. What *that* meant, for one thing.  
  
Fighting a headwind, concerned for the odd drain, and preoccupied with what could be happening in Japan, Grey was rather surprised by three figures appearing in midair, less than ten feet in front of him.  
  
While he was travelling at his full movement rate, at an altitude of 1200 ft, over the Sea Of Japan. Where it was reasonable not to expect pedestrians to suddenly to pop into one's flight path.  
  
**WHAM**  
  
Grey got control of his flight rather easily, his relative mass ensuring that the impact had minimal effect. Eyes quickly picked out the three plummeting figures. "Oh, FRAK!"  
  
The silver dragon grabbed Honey with his left foreclaw. A wingover and tuck, and Nuku Nuku was caught by his right foreclaw. There was a moment of indecision as he realized that he had both "hands" full and Setsuna had been seperated from her staff. Oh well.  
  
**SPLURCH!**  
  
Setsuna landed with a wet sound on the only thing Grey could think of to catch her with. "UGHGHHHH!"  
  
"Mmmrhphh mmmmb muurrr," explained Grey.  
  
"Yes, I see that," said Setsuna, rotating her body so that the teeth weren't touching her and wiping spit off her face.  
  
"Gnnn vrrrr mmmff! Unnnnn?"  
  
"Yes, I think so. Can you angle under the staff?"  
  
"Mrrrffffl!"  
  
"Got it!" Setsuna held up her staff triumphantly, even if just her arms and head were sticking out of Grey's mouth. "I'll crawl up on your nose in just a minute."  
  
A tickle in his throat, from a dislodged shoe, caused Grey to do something he was trying not to do. "Gmmmph. Ukkk!"  
  
Setsuna braced herself against the sudden suction of Grey involuntarily swallowing. Odd. She suddenly felt... "Okay, I'm *not* getting up on your nose."  
  
"Mrrfff"  
  
"Because. You just sucked my clothes right off."  
  
"Mmmrmfff?!"  
  
"When you land, I'll use the hensshin stick and transform." Setsuna moaned at the thought of being stuck like this for several hours.   
  
Nuku looked up from where she was being carried. "Nuku want to play too!"  
  
-----------  
  
Ami flew uncertainly, and found herself having to rest frequently. Looking at the black overcast skies, she hearkened back to a memory she'd seen in a dreamscape.  
  
Another realm where she'd been neither Ami Mizuno - mage, nor Sailor Mercury. Instead she'd been Ame No Cygnus, and Usagi had been Athena Serenity - the reborn Athena. (Usagi had also shown a bizarre dual personality, as her usual self - she was the same Usagi she'd known back in Juuban. Then Athena would come forward at need and she was *very* different from Usagi.)   
  
Grey had entered the timeline, had done what he could. And died. And died, and died. He couldn't save them. She'd watched as he held her duplicate's dead body in that other timeline, screaming his loss to the Heavens.   
  
Ami Mizuno shuddered, the shudder passing from long sinuous neck to the spade shaped tip of her tail. He'd known them, all right. And it was obvious why most of his memories had been blocked.   
  
Ami had taken some time while Grey slept, studied, taken her medical courses, then eventually sought out and found a lonely Sailor Mercury who had her place at Court and a pile of broken dreams and missed chances.  
  
Ami was well on her way to becoming a pediatrician. She had a shot at making her chances and dreams, and was working towards both. It was easy for Mercury to see the reason to go elsewhere.   
  
Nebula, the Knight of Duty. She knew how she could reach him quickly, but wondered how it was done. She'd only flown once before, and she'd never tried to teleport along a ley line.  
  
Abruptly her human form returned. She retained enough presence of mind to cast Featherfall. She vanished shortly before she would have touched ground.  
  
----------   
  
Ranma/Akumakun timeline:   
  
Jared stared at the signboard with his companions, interested in spite of himself. ~That's funny, I thought he wasn't due for some months yet.~   
  
Two schoolgirls walked by him, chatting between themselves. "Did you hear the principal is returning today?"  
  
"Yeah. I understand he's been studying in the Caribbean, some very intensive course work, or so they say."   
  
"Do you think they might add some Caribbean styles to our dance class?"   
  
"Oh, I sure hope so. I'm so tired of..."   
  
The voices trailed off as they moved away. ~That's funny.~ Jared was thinking, walking after them into the school. ~Something is distinctly odd here. Principal Kuno was *supposed* to go to Hawaii and come back throwing exploding pineapples and coconut bombs. Another aberration, like the Martial Arts Ranching. I wonder if they're connected.~   
  
He walked calmly past the bushes where Black Bart waited in ambush for 'Sherry' to come by. ~Sorry,~ the redhead thought. ~She's not coming to school today.~ He glanced apprehensively up at the sky. ~That is if I can help it.~   
  
The young man was startled out of his ruminations when the windows of the fourth floor of the school building all opened up to reveal ranks of black powder cannon, which all fired in a single volley, shooting forth basketballs and beach balls and volleyballs and practically every spherical object that could've been stolen from the school gym. The hail of rebounding balls bouncing off of trees and school walls knocked down practically every student on campus that wasn't yet inside. Except (of course) for Jared (who simply dodged), Shampoo (who blocked with bonbori while saying something extremely unflattering about the Furinkan High School Uniform), Ukyo (who stood in front of her grill where she'd been making breakfast okonomiyaki for students and teachers who'd missed their home breakfast, using her spatula to not only block but return fire), Ranma (who took the first one in the face and blocked the remainder thereafter), and Nabiki (who proved that the kitty did have claws and could shred sports equipment aimed at her.)   
  
Reflexively, the young man swung his book bag and deflected a cutlass stroke toward his ribs and found himself staring at a *longhaired* Principal Kuno, wearing a tricorn style hat with burning cannon fuses alight in the man's scraggly beard. Taking in the coat and costume and the man was a dead ringer for Blackbeard the Pirate.   
  
"Arr, so what have we hear? 'Tis an officer in the King's Navy, err mah eyes don't see me right. Well, young squire, you're about ta visit Davy Jones as we drop ya in the briny drink. What say ye ta that, eh?"   
  
Jared fought an *enormous* smile, stepping back as he dramatically cast aside his bookbag and drew forth a slim rapier in his left hand. He saluted the pirate with the blade. "I should say that I shall not go swimming today. Have at thee!"   
  
He thrust with the intent of taking the man's hat off, only to find his lunge deflected by the Piratical Kuno ducking under a guide rope that hadn't been there a moment ago, dodging around the side of a mast that likewise appeared out of nowhere, and slammed him heavily in the ribs with a belaying pin plucked from that same mast. Jared went down clutching his unexpected bruise, yet did not release his sword.   
Piratical Kuno considered him, and a parrot fluttered up to land on the man's shoulder. "That be a taste of the Caribbean, lad." He nodded as if regretfully. "I'd be tellin ya ta remember it, however ya not be needin to very long." With that he slashed upward and then down again, taking a bite out of the planking (planking?) when Jared had rolled aside before it hit. The youth came up with a stroke toward the pirate's ribs, which that other deflected by swinging a boom into its way, then ducking under that same object and coming at him with a flurry of cutlass blows that were hard to defend against no matter *how* accomplished a swordsman Jared thought he was. At every moment, in every circumstance, where he sought to gain an advantage some article of shipboard scenery would get or be shoved in his way. A quick glance around assured him that they *were* still in a schoolyard, only that schoolyard was now littered with barrels, ballast, masts, ropes, sails, an anchor and deck plates.   
  
He got in *real* trouble when the pirate chased him up into the rigging.   
  
Piratical Kuno stood calmly upon the beam as if it were the widest avenue in the universe. While Jared was actually quite accomplished at balance he'd grown too used to flying when circumstances like this came up. If he were in better shape he could've well played Peter Pan to this guy's Hook, but those abilities hadn't returned yet.   
  
It was oddly disconcerting that he found himself in the uniform of a British officer of the period, too. Still, Jared held his own until the school cannon opened up for another barrage and knocked him from his lofty perch.   
  
Somehow it was no surprise at all that when he fell he landed on a bit of planking spread out with an end hanging over the school pool. That there were sharks obviously swimming below was less concern than the fact that the eyes of the entire class body were upon him. If he fell, the curse would be shown.   
  
Falling and rebounding had nearly caused him to bounce in the drink, but he scrabbled and regained his hold, pulling himself topside of the board. When he came to stand it was with no astonishment to see Principal Kuno standing at the edge where the board met the shore. The rigging and trees effectively cut off escape by leaping.   
  
"It be a good fight, it was. I'll be sure ta toast ye, when next we set inta port, with a good tumbler of rum in yer favor. But now be the time fer ye ta walk the plank an put an end to it."   
  
Jared found a smirk somewhere. "Yes, but there's something I know that you don't know."   
  
A squinty eye widened on the other side of that smoky beard. "Oh? And what be that?"   
  
Jared tossed his weapon from one hand to the other. "I am not left handed."   
  
With that Jared lunged and surprise pushed the pirate back a step, allowing him access to slip aside and fight on the shore. The surprise lasted only so long. The parrot flew up and squawked loudly into his ear, disrupting his rhythm of attack and allowing Kuno to regain the advantage, which he proceeded to press soundly.   
  
"It don't be making much difference, eh?" The pirate gloated, as he pulled a black powder pistol from his waistband and fired it at his   
student's head. Jared had ducked aside just in time, though the smoke from the blast caused his eyes to water and drove him up against the mast, their blades locked as Principal Kuno pressed his much greater weight to move the swords closer to the young man's throat.   
  
Jared found a smile. "Yes, but I'm not right-handed either." He drew another sword with his second hand and for once now he had something that could fend off the blows of his adversary and deal with the obstructions, while at the same time retaining some ability to attack. In truth, Jared was ambidextrous, it didn't really matter to him which hand he fought with. So he had become proficient with both.   
  
Principal Kuno jumped up and let the ship's railing take one of Jared's thrusts, then his own cutlass blow was blocked by a rapier up in guard position. The youth plucked his sword out of the wood and followed the older man onto the railing, dancing back and forth in a weave of blades until he had pressed the older gentleman up onto the poop deck, where they began to fence back and forth, Jared driving Kuno in a circle while the older man ducked and dodged and weaved and used the ship's wheel to block and nearly disarm the young man of one of his blades.   
  
Jared was finding that he'd not *enjoyed* a fight like this in some long time.   
  
Finally he had the old man trapped, cornered in the stern end of the boat (where all this decking was coming from he'd devoted *no* attention to know). Anyway, the stern hung out over the school wall and Japanese traffic whizzed by underneath them in a blender-like high speed display that seemed more dangerous by far than shark-infested water. ~Traffic? In Nerima? Where did *that* come from?~   
  
"Any last words?" He asked of the pirate, one sword point at his throat and the other back at guard, this despite the fact that he'd disarmed the   
pirate.   
  
"Just one." Piratical Kuno replied, using one raised hand to curl and point toward the school yard. When Jared risked a quick glance he saw the entire student body rounded up in a line with the first of the young girls, Yuka he realized, bound and gagged with her leather shoes standing on the base of the plank, a rowdy crew of pirates surrounding her. "Release me, or the sharks'll be feeding on their bones."   
  
While not *quite* so gullible as to be unguarded, in his moment of surprise (first that this guy actually HAD a crew of pirates!) Jared was   
watching for two things when he was struck by a third, as Kodachi's ribbon settled down around him, binding him fast. Kuno swiftly disarmed him and shoved him to his knees, while Jared was looking up to see Kodachi standing upon the railing, her usual leotard replaced by tights and a *very* form-fitting uniform, consisting of red jacket and boots. It was actually quite comely on her.   
  
Principal Kuno finished brushing himself off. "Well, daughter, what say ye? Keel haul him or have him walk the plank?"   
  
Kodachi was openly considering the young redhead bound by her ribbon "Are you sure, father? I would as soon destroy a stained-glass window as an artist such as him. Do you think we even should? I don't think he'll be reporting back to the Crown." Her eyes grew low and smoldering toward her target.   
  
Jared knew what *that* meant, although come to think of it she certainly didn't seem her usual self, and the fight had been quite enjoyable. Kuno sat down upon a treasure chest and began to reload his gun, which Jared plainly saw was just a smoke bomb in a tube. Harmless but dramatic. Even a glance to the other's sword, now that it was not moving, revealed it to be blunted. A bit of memory showed that his cannon barrages had always been soft balls at low velocity. So he began to feel guilty over his own sharp blades, it appeared that this was all in fun. He rather suspected the sharks were robots that would thrash alot yet do no violence, merely scaring the frightened student out to scramble up the shore, amazed at how lucky they were.   
  
From *that* perspective this had all been good, clean amusement.   
  
All this while Principal Kuno had been considering. He reached a conclusion. Standing up, he headed off to the actual school building. "Bring him along. We'll make a cabin boy out of him and see what 'is worth is."   
  
A pirate flag waved over the school building.   
  
As Kodachi picked him up and started to carry him of to class, Jared was mentally wandering off to other topics. She might make a good set with his Tendo Twins. Off-character, but delightful.   
  
He could hear people being moved into classrooms. Then heard a yowl and winced. They were after Ranma, Ukyo, Shampoo, and Nabiki. This... could get messy.   
  
"Arrrr, get those lily livered landlubbers to Slave Galley Rowing 101! Must I do everything meself?!" Principal Kuno roared as he turned his attention to where three women and one boy were holding off the bulk of his forces.   
  
Nabiki especially was looking ticked. Her ears were flat, her fangs showing, tail switching back and forth, fur bristling. She did not look even vaguely happy.   
  
Jared spent a moment of wonder as the concept clicked. Nabiki as a catgirl had *very* feline traits in personality, particularly those traits that she'd had before and had mutated or enhanced by the transformation. Nabiki had chosen Ranma as her mate. While Ukyo and Shampoo (and to some extent Kasumi) were rivals, that's all they were - just rivals. She might have even seen them as challengers for the Alpha female spot in a pride. Nabiki saw swords and guns and was reacting as if they were after her property/territory and were set to take it. If Jared was right about the Alpha idea, then Nabiki would be responding to the ring of weapon users surrounding her as a threat to the whole pride.   
  
Nabiki let out another animalistic howl. Jared wished he could see her eyes at this distance because he had a feeling that Nabiki's humanity was getting submerged and the Catfist was about to come out in all its gory. Or glory. Whatever.   
  
"That didn't even sound human," said Kodachi, though not losing her attention enough to slack the ribbon binding Jared.   
  
"What are ye fools doing, standing around like that?" Principal Kuno roared at his fellows. "Are ye men o' the sea or be ye..."   
  
Nabiki moved. Most of the time she was a playful little kitty. Her "rivals" were seen as playmates most of the time. With the Catfist, she was on a par if not better than Shampoo or Ukyo, so there was no reason to take them seriously. Kasumi likewise. She wasn't sure when she'd come to regard herself as the lead girl in a pride, but it was amusing and fun. So she was just playful and smugly superior and affectionate for the most part. This was an exception. Swords and clothes were shredded. Guns and dignity came apart. No longer were the pirates facing a martial arts battle with persons playing by their rules. This was a five foot four inch white hot ball of outraged feline doing her impression of a cuisinart at high speed.   
  
There were screams and yells as pirates fled, clothing hanging in tatters off their bodies.   
  
"Come back here ye swabs! She be only one little girl!" Kuno yelled at his retreating men.   
  
Nabiki turned, saw Principal Kuno. Saw what was sitting on Principal Kuno's shoulder.   
  
"SQUAWK! I towt I saw a putty kat!" A terrified parrot knew with absolute animal certainty that THAT was a cat. A hungry cat. Nabiki pounced, knocking down Principal Kuno and then using his chest as a springboard as she leapt after the little tweety bird. "I did! I did saw a putty kat!"   
  
Principal Kuno picked himself off. "Somebody get that damn" *KLONK!*   
  
Shampoo lowered the bonbori, watching the pirate captain hit the dust.   
  
Jared found a small spatula cutting through Kodachi's ribbon at the same time.   
  
"Harridan! How dare you cross the Pirate Rose! I..." *CLANG!*   
  
Ukyo put her spatula back in place. "Come on let's get to class."   
  
"But, Nabiki..." Ranma pointed to the distance where a wildly flying parrot was trying to keep out of reach of a hungry catgirl.   
  
"Ranma-honey, that girl can definitely take care of herself." Ukyo shook her head, glad at least that Nabiki had never attacked *her* like that.  
  
Shampoo looked at the shredded clothing and weapons and wondered if she could learn that attack.  
  
Akane came running into the schoolyard, saw the devastation, nautical and sports equipment, and came to a stumbling halt. When she saw her sister chasing a parrot around the compound wall, she just *knew* that that damn Jared had inflicted more weirdness on her family.  
  
Well, she had a plan to deal with him!  
  
--------------  
  
Third Labor timeline:  
  
Three riders and if he was slowed any, it was minimal. There was something to be said for being age category 6.  
  
"Are we there yet?"  
  
"Look down below, Nuku Nuku? See any land?"  
  
"Oh."  
  
"I just want a bath," said Setsuna, managing to put quite a bit of emphasis in that.  
  
"Yeah, Nuku bets she's getting all wrinkly!"  
  
"That's a pretty good bet," agreed Honey.   
  
*~Should be another two or three hours at most,~* suggested Grey, having remembered that dragons were psuedo-telepathic.  
  
"I've had better trips, to be sure."  
  
"You could always join us out here, Meiou-san."   
  
Setsuna realized it was hard to summon up one's dignity while naked, or nearly so, while sticking out of the side of a dragon's mouth like some toothpick. She tried, however.  
  
*~Well, if it's any consolation, i think that your panties are lodged near the back molars on the right.~*   
  
"I can summon a change of clothing as soon as we set down. AFTER I replenish my spell energies, and can get solid ground underfoot." Setsuna would *not* pout. It was a matter of pride. She might be stuck in her fiance's mouth between cheek and gum, dragondrool coating everything below the shoulders, her Senshi "sailor suit" being somewhere in said dragon's digestive tract, with a double teleport having drained most of her spell capability, but she was *not* going to play Lady Godiva in front of Honey Kisaragi. Much less Nuku Nuku.  
  
*~i just hope we don't run into any flying demons. You do know that i can't use my breath weapon or cast spells with you there, don't you?~*  
  
"I'm quite aware of that," Setsuna was beginning to feel put upon. Then startled at the idea that she'd spoke out loud.  
  
* ~No, actually i picked up on that through my link with you. Which seems strengthened by physical contact. So, Honey and Nuku hear my replies, but not your comments. Awkward. i just wanted to point out to you that you're among friends here and nobody will think less of you for being dishabille.~*  
  
Setsuna shook her head. It was too cold out there for her to wear this little. "Well, at least nobody else is..."  
  
*Pop!* "aaaaAAAAAAAA! *snag!*  
  
*~Ami? So nice of you to drop in.~*  
  
Nuku made a face, not liking having all that water underneath her. "Are we there yet?"   
  
----------------  
  
a different universe entirely:  
  
"Pika! Pikachu!"  
  
Kiyone looked down at the little palmtop and read the translation. "Yeah, Ed, I think they'll do fine."  
  
"Pika pi pikachu kachu." Ed waved a little paw at the departing repairship.   
  
"A world called Alphonse IV, in the Megeara system. It's listed as being the 'Beach Vacation Spot' world. Not a Hutt controlled world, nor is it of the Empire." Kiyone shrugged. "One of those worlds that keeps independence by playing the various forces off against each other. I thought it likely that it would be a good place for those 'not the Senshi' to operate a repair service. People get there, their ships are busted, so the girls can fix the ships while the owners are off relaxing on the planet itself."  
  
"Pika pi?" Ed looked up at his partner.   
  
"No, they're having one of those 'Miss Swimwear' contests, and the last one I attended was embarassing enough." Kiyone's smile was a little sad at the memory. Nagi winning hadn't done wonders for her self-confidence.  
  
"Pika." Ed privately wished that they had gone along with the group. It could have been amusing. Then he realized something. "Pika pika pi! PIKA!"  
  
Kiyone looked at what Ed was pointing at. There were just some left over parts from where the girls had rebuilt their ship. No big deal. Except that looked an awful lot like. "Oh dear."  
  
"PIKA!" Ed said, covering his face. Well, maybe he ought to consider prayer.  
  
"Well, there's some longrange TIE fighters we could use to try and catch up in." Kiyone mused as she surveyed the hangar they were nearest.  
  
"PIKA PI!" Ed argued, knowing full well that the 'flying coffins' had a reputation.  
  
"Well, we need a bigger crew for almost anything else," Kiyone argued back. "These aren't almost completely automated like the Yagami or a Juraian ship."  
  
"Pika! Pika Pi." Ed indicated. An Imperial shuttle wasn't armed, but it at least was manueverable and didn't require the pilot to wear radiation shielded underwear.  
  
"Hardly any armor or shielding, no weapons. What about THAT." Kiyone pointed at a battered old ship across the field.  
  
Ed drooped. "Pi." He was going to make his entrance to a bunch of intergalactic babes in a swimsuit contest, in THAT ship? That was rather like picking up your date to the prom in a primer colored Gremlin. "Pika pi." Would it even hold together that long?  
  
"What other ship could we use that has even a chance to catch them?" Kiyone started across. "Let's see if I can get it started."  
  
-------------------  
  
Ranma/Akumakun timeline:  
  
Lunchtime at Furinkan High School.  
  
Ranma sighed as he heard Akane's voice raised in a gripe again.   
  
Nabiki purred and rubbed up against him. Shampoo growled under her breath. Ukyo slightly burned an okonomiyaki.  
  
"What's that stupid Principal doing *now*?" Hiroshi said, ogling Shampoo as discreetely as he could. Especially after direct and obvious ogling had produced a short violent reaction.  
  
Daisuke, still moving carefully and *quite* grateful that the real Akane had returned, looked over the notice. How odd.  
  
"----NOTICE----  
New Clean School Policy.  
The decks need to be as clean and polished   
as pretty as an Englishman's plate. All hands  
will heave to during lunch period and after school  
to batten the hatches and swab up the poopdeck.  
Clubs and afterschool activities be cancelled till  
the school be completely clean. Also no pets be  
allowed or public displays of affection.  
Mutineers shall be forced to be walking the plank."  
  
As with everyone else who had read the message, Hiroshi and Daisuke immediately looked at Nabiki, Ranma, Shampoo and Ukyo. "Uh oh."  
  
------------  
  
Okayama Hot Springs, about three hours bus ride from Tokyo-3.  
  
Ami blushed, fidgeted and tried not to look at her husband *too* obviously. Proper Japanese decorum, after all.  
  
Shinji merely sat back and watched the deepening twilight.   
  
"Shinji... I..." Ami started to speak, but grew increasingly nervous. Where exactly did she stand with her husband now that he was also several other people? "Shinji, do you think that I - that is do you think that I'm... I mean."  
  
A soft snore answered her.  
  
Ami briefly facefaulted, and found that immersing one's head in hot water actually seemed to help her headache.  
  
"Ami chan..." breathed Shinji.  
  
THAT perked Ami up. He was dreaming about her? That gentle smile of his was in place. She remembered that smile. That was her Grey-chan's smile. She leaned closer as his lips parted, wanting to hear what he was about to mumble. It could be important. Whatever it was, he wasn't speaking aloud, so Ami positioned herself so she could better hear.  
  
Some of the other hot spring attendees were staring as this shy-looking young girl started crawling over that young man. How aggressive!  
  
"Land's sakes," said one old matron to another, "in *my* time girls weren't nearly that scandalous."   
  
The other old matron agreed. "Hardly proper at all. It must be that new style of dancing."  
  
Ami listened to the dreaming whisper, trying to make coherent sense out of incoherent rambling. Particularly when said rambling went into other languages regularly. It was made more difficult by her having to climb up onto him, and when her hand slipped, well, she'd grabbed onto him. But that was all right, he was her husband (or at least part of him was) so it was OK, right?  
  
One old man turned to another. "You know, girls weren't nearly so forward in our day."  
  
The other snickered. "Yeah, and a damn pity it is."  
  
"Kinda have to admire that guy's cool. Girl's all over him and he isn't even making a move." The first old man shook his head. "Such self control."  
  
"I dunno," said the second old man. "I think he's asleep. Which means he must *really* be exhausted."  
  
There was much wicked speculation from the two about *how* the man had gotten so exhausted. It was fortunate for Ami that she couldn't hear any of that though, or she'd likely have fainted from the force of blush.  
  
Ami slid a little closer, she could almost make out...  
  
Ami slid. Shinji woke up to find Ami straddling and pressing up against him, still seated in the hot spring. "Thermal expansion. How embarassing..."  
  
The two older women yelled in unison. "Get a room!"   
  
The two older men began pelting the two older women with bath things.  
  
----------  
  
Ranma/Akumakun timeline:  
  
Soun yelped and tried to spread himself across the wall. "MASTER?!"   
  
"Well, well, doing pretty well for yourself, aren't you, Soun old boy?" Happosai tapped his pipe, leaving a pile of ash on the floor.  
  
A panda in the backyard held up a sign. [I'm just a cute lil' panda.]   
  
"You're looking pretty well fed yourself, Genma," noted Happosai. "You don't mind if I stick around here for awhile, do ya?"  
  
"Oh my," said Kasumi, looking at the mess the short older person was making. She hoped Mr Bart wasn't lurking about at the moment to see such things.  
  
"Hold it right there, pardner," said a voice as a shadow moved. His cape furled back and he tipped his black cowboy hat briefly at Kasumi before turning his attention to the short fellow. "Jes whatta ya think you be doin' there?"  
  
Happosai looked over the stranger. "Who's this bozo?"   
  
"Mah name's Black Bart, heir to the School of Martial Arts Stage Villainry. You shouldn't be causin' extra work for Miss Kasumi like that."  
  
"Huh?" Happosai said, then fully noticed Kasumi. Too sweet and innocent for his tastes, but if this other guy was interested...  
  
Kasumi blinked as the little old man launched himself, grabbed onto Kasumi, and began rubbing his head onto her breasts. She disliked resorting to such a cliche, but admitted there were times it was entirely appropriate. "Oh my!"  
  
Black Bart, seeing his damsel-in-distress in distress, naturally saw red. "Martial Arts School of Stage Villainry, special manuever. Tie 'em up, move 'em out!"  
  
Happosai dodged the half dozen lariat nooses sent in his direction and smirked. "You don't know who you're dealing with, punk. I'm going to have to teach you a lesson!"  
  
Black Bart stood tall and met the little man's gaze straight on. "Ah believe that's mah line, you ornery polecat. So smile when ya say that."  
  
------------  
  
Third Labor timeline  
  
The fires were the first thing visible in the overcast night over 9th century Japan. The year was 806. Whatever was *supposed* to be happening in Japan during that time frame was unimportant, because of what was happening in *this* Japan at this time.  
  
It had been almost two hundred years since the demons had conquered China into a single unified nation. There had been none of the emphasis on scholarly pursuits, no Great Wall built to hold back invaders, no shih or great monastaries of Buddhism. Instead there was an emphasis on ruthlessness, sneakery, and dark magic. Generations had been raised and steeped in a culture that had the worst elements of Aztec and Persian philosophies, spiced with things that a Kali worshipper might enjoy and only the nastiest could rise within their society.  
  
They did not come to Japan to conquer it or enrich themselves. They came burning, slaying, and destroying because it was good sport.  
  
"This does not bode well," said Grey as he flew over a wooden town from which fitful glows could be seen.  
  
"What do you see?" Setsuna said, having finally been convinced to crawl out of Grey's mouth and put on a simple woolen shift. Didn't mean she was happy about it.  
  
"There aren't any signs of life down there. There *are* some fair sized ships, look like troop transports." Grey made a decision, then made a swift turn and headed for a hillside well away from the transports.  
  
Honey looked down to see their altitude dropping very quickly. "Where are we going?"  
  
"i'll land over there," said Grey. "They've likely got powerful mages or ranged weaponry. We can approach from the ground with rather more concealment."  
  
Grey flew quite well. Landings, well, he didn't crash nearly so badly as he used to.  
  
"Water," Setsuna said, seeing a stream nearby and making a straight course for it. Getting dried dragon slobber off her was a primary consideration.  
  
"Land!" Nuku Nuku exclaimed, not minding flying unless it was over water.  
  
Ami looked about at the deep woods and was silent. Honey merely nodded and started making preparations for camp.  
  
Ami was apparently satisfied with whatever she was looking for and turned her examination to Grey, being able to see his dragon form clearly for the first time. She'd seen him growing and shedding his skin, but that had either been cramped in his cave or while riding him. She hadn't gotten a chance to examine him prior to this.  
  
His scales were finer, though there were still patches of old skin clinging to the new. He was larger of course, somewhere around seventy feet in length not counting the tail. The wing spines were thicker and more developed. The smooth head spines were a bit brighter, without that slightly sooty appearance that had marked them when he was younger.  
  
Ami ran her hands along his side, feeling the cool silvery scales almost like water. She remembered reading up on the sixth age category of dragons. When he wasn't reigning it in, he'd be putting out an "fear aura" to 20 yards away that would send most animals and quite a few people scurrying. Part of having a magical metabolism. If he used his breath weapon or any number of other things, that would snap out of his control and start spooking everything in the area. Once he studied it properly, he'd be able to learn to bend the winds to his will by modulating that same aura.  
  
Of course, she wouldn't be affected by that fear aura, even if it cut loose.  
  
Ami felt a nudge from Honey and a brief whisper that she should stop fondling him for now. Ami froze, realizing she had still been stroking his scales and pulling off little flakes of the old skin.   
  
Grey's tail lashed as his long neck extended up that he could more efficiently check the breeze. "i can smell the fires from here."  
  
Ami listened to Setsuna splashing herself at the stream.   
  
Then they all heard a noise that was unexpected but quite recognizable.  
  
There was another dragon nearby, and he'd caught Grey's scent.  
  
----------  
as a bonus:  
SCENES FROM THE 4th Labor:  
  
----------  
  
  
Artemis cleared his throat, seeing *Pluto* distraught was, well, a bit strange. Best to guide the conversation to where everyone knew her  
opinion. "But what about Crystal Tokyo?"  
  
"SCREW CRYSTAL TOKYO!"  
  
The assembled Senshi had gone from staring to outright boggling at this point. Luna had turned nearly as white as Artemis.  
  
"Do you think I wanted this damn job? Guard the Time Gate and let nobody near it? Well, when the job was given me the *last* time I had  
to turn away my lover and watch him and everyone I cared about *die!* And it's not like anybody *uses* the damn thing anyway! The Dead Moon, Black Crystal, even that meddling Doctor fellow! They *all* time travel and not one of them uses the gate! I am sick and tired of being the lonely Guardian of Time! My boyfriend from the Silver Millenium is back and I AM NOT SITTING BACK AND WATCHING HIM DIE AGAIN!"  
  
This last had been shouted into Luna's face when Luna had tried to interrupt.  
  
Setsuna Meiou vanished. Everyone was silent and continued staring for awhile. Luna's feet were sticking stiff and straight up from the pillow where she had landed.  
  
"Uhm... right," said Rei beginning to recover.  
  
Minako reached out with one finger and pushed Artemis over.  
  
"I wonder if he looks like my sempai," wondered Makoto aloud.  
  
Haruka recovered with a blink. "It must be some new plot against the world. Mind control. Yeah. That's it. We'll just have to break the mind control and destroy this fellow."  
  
"Uh huh," Minako had her doubts but it sounded like everyone else had seized on the explanation as the one that made the most sense.  
  
-----------  
  
"Hey you! Hold it right there! You and me gotta talk!"  
  
Mamoru Chiba stared as a little fifteen year old boy came stalking up to him under full steam. "Uhm..."  
  
"And *what* exactly are your intentions towards my daughter?" The boy held up a finger and stared menacingly up at the sometimes Tuxedo Kamen. "They'd better be honorable, boyo!"  
  
"Errr, your daughter?" Mamoru felt himself backing up against a wall from this boy's intensity. "Aren't you kind of young?"  
  
"PRINCESS SERENITY, YOU DOLT!" The boy shouted (as best as he could considering the size and age difference) in Mamoru's face. "You'd better start treating her right, Endymion! i've heard of some of your shenanigans!"  
  
Mamoru blinked. "Nebula?" On seeing the boy nod, Mamoru winced. "Oh dear."  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	8. Default Chapter Title

Third Labor: chapter 15 "Happosai's Strange Alliance!"  
or "Fight Sequences 101"  
  
by Gregg, metroanime@mindspring.com  
  
disclaimer: char and situations originally someone elses, or at least some of them are.  
  
-------------  
  
"grrganan mzzzplk!"  
  
Kasumi turned and regarded what had just entered her kitchen. "Oh my! It's Cousin It from the 'Addams Family'!"  
  
"Mzzzbmmm. MmmmFff kaMMM!"  
  
"It's so nice to meet a celebrity," said Kasumi. "You inspired an awful lot of hippies, I think."  
  
"MmmmMMMMfff! Mrrrmfm!" The 5ft tall pillar of hair seemed to become agitated.  
  
"Yes, I'm sure it must be a source of great personal pride," Kasumi nodded. "Though your hair is darker in person."  
  
"Mmfmffmf! Mmmmm!"  
  
Briefly wondering why Cousin It would be beating his head against the wall, Kasumi hoped that he didn't shed. "We're having beef sukiyaki tonight if you'd care to stay, Mr. It."  
  
"Mmmmf?! Mwaaaaa!"   
  
Nabiki entered the kitchen, briefly rubbing against the wall of hair. "Hi Kasumi! Hi Akane! Oooo! Sukiyaki!"  
  
"MfffmmMMMM!"  
  
"Akane?" Kasumi looked around but couldn't see her youngest sister anywhere.  
  
"MmffmmMMMM?"  
  
"Uhm, Akane, get that hair out of your mouth. I can't understand a word you're saying." Nabiki sniffed deeply over the stove. Ahhhh! The extra sensitivity in this catgirl form made some things just *so* much better. Tastes and scents could be intoxicating. And the level of pleasure from just batting around a balled up piece of paper!  
  
"MffffMMMM!"  
  
"If you want to wash up, Mr. It, Nabiki will show you a shower area." Kasumi made a note to get some of that hair dissolving drain cleaner. With It around, she'd probably need that. Especially after Akane had used up the last bit.  
  
"Mmffffaaaa!"  
  
"Of course I know It's you," said Nabiki, pleased with her pun. "Your scent is the same."  
  
"MFMEM!"  
  
"No, I'm not saying you stink," guessed Nabiki. "Well, except after a workout."  
  
"Mfff MMMM!"  
  
"Well, you certainly don't smell fresh at those times!"  
  
*BOOM!*  
  
"What the?!" Nabiki's ears went flat and she looked out the window. "What's Black Bart doing fighting some old man?"  
  
"Cousin It" went running towards the backyard, tripping over "his" hair repeatedly. "MmmmfF?! MMMFFFF!"  
  
"Isn't it nice," said Kasumi, looking out the window. "Mr. Bart is fighting for my honor."  
  
"Ah!" Nabiki said, straightening and posing as she realized something. "It must be the -"  
  
"Law of the West!" Nabiki and Kasumi chorused. Kasumi giggled afterwards.  
  
Nabiki nearly fell over in shock. Kasumi?! Giggling?!  
  
"Mr. Bart is..." Kasumi paused, trying to find a proper way to put this.  
  
"A cattle rustler, a thief, a swindler?" supplied Nabiki.  
  
"He's very polite. Quite cultured."  
  
Nabiki frowned but allowed that this was so. "He's one of the bad guys. Heck, as far as Martial Arts Ranching is concerned, he's *the* Bad Guy."  
  
"Yet he called off the Cattle Stampede in order to have tea with me," said Kasumi with a nod.  
  
"That was YOU?!" Nabiki had been wondering why the cattle stampede had suddenly not happened.  
  
Kasumi nodded again. "Mr Bart has his good points as well, Nabiki. Do be careful though. He's got this plan to distract you with some mechanical mice during the next stagecoach robbery."  
  
Nabiki smirked. "Oh yeah. Like THAT will work! Not a chance!"  
  
------------  
  
Happosai threw the oddly dressed fighter to the side. "You're a hundred years too early to beat me!"  
  
Black Bart drew twin chrome plated revolvers. "Martial Arts Villainry Special Attack! Eat Hot Lead!"  
  
"YOW!" Happosai dodged like crazy as a hail of bullets came his way. "Hey you! Guns are illegal in Japan!"  
  
"I'm a bad guy, I'm entitled." Black Bart retorted, shooting the metal pipe out of the short guy's hands.   
  
"You're nothing compared to me! Bean Jam Blowout!"  
  
"Au contraire. *I* have class. Ricochet Roundup!" Black Bart dodged and fired his last bullet.  
  
"Ha! You missed me!" Happosai chortled and produced a fan from inside his gi.   
  
*BING!* The bullet carrommed off the ceramic tiles of the roof.  
  
*CHING!* The bullet bounced off a water tower.  
  
*K-PING!* The bullet went skyward after hitting a phone pole.  
  
*THUNK!* A *very* startled goose realized that its life (mainly swimming and eating pond scum) had just passed before its eyes.  
  
"Now you'll suffer!" Happosai said, moving forward.  
  
*WHAM!* A small (ten pounds) goose, having formerly been flying at a height of 151 feet, managed a one point (beak first) landing on Happosai's head.  
  
"Ouch," quoted Happosai from his position on the ground.  
  
Black Bart blew on the muzzle of his six gun, spun it through an elaborate move, then holstered it. Smile, gleam of teeth.  
  
Happosai lifted himself up. "Not bad. I guess I'll have to go full out."  
  
Black Bart blinked. ~He hasn't been?! Uh oh.~  
  
---------------  
  
Jared saw the explosion and form launched to the horizon from where he was. "Looks like Black Bart is blasting off again!"  
  
"Huh?" Ranma said, dropping out of his stance.  
  
"Trouble at the Tendo Dojo!"  
  
Ranma nodded, understanding now. "Oh. Your girlfriends again?"  
  
Jared winced. "I hope not."  
  
-----------------  
  
Akane was protected from a glomp by the sheer density of her hair. Happosai wasn't even positive that the oversized tribble was even female under all that.  
  
Then someone else got into the fight and Akane felt a pang of jealousy. Especially after she cleared enough hair away from one eye that she could see it clearly.   
  
"Whoa! What the heck is this?" Happosai couldn't believe his eyes either.  
  
Nabiki was playing. Bouncing around, dodging attacks (attempted glomps) and viewing this mousy little fellow as an annoyance. She was, in some ways, the CatFist that had been purged from Ranma until it found a home in her. Except that Ranma had neither merged with the CatFist or accepted it. Nabiki had no fear of cats, she *was* a cat. Or close enough.  
  
Akane watched the two blurs briefly resolve themselves into her sister and that old guy, then go back into blurs. Their speed was just shy of incredible, and every time the old guy threw something at Nabiki, little shards of things hit the ground shortly thereafter.  
  
Happosai was impressed. To have a pretty girl smile at him was a pleasure. To have a pretty girl smirk at him, then dodge everything he was throwing her way, that intrigued him. He idly threw that big tribble at the fast girl, only to see her blur around and return the shot. Happosai was sufficiently impressed that he did a quick hairstyling of the tribble and lobbed it back looking rather more like a huge koosh ball.  
  
Nabiki shredded the furball, leaving -  
  
Akane landed on the ground, rolled to her feet, and realized that she had lost most of her really long encumbering hair. Unfortunately, she also realized something else.  
  
The potion that Black Bart had given Kasumi was to be rubbed into the area that one wanted affected. "A little dab will do ya." Then promptly washed off. That had been enough to get Kasumi a short but serviceable hair length. Akane had drank some of it, gotten more splashed on her, and had rubbed it all over in the process of trying to get it off in the short period before it took effect.  
  
Akane realized that her arms were hairy. Her legs were hairy. Her hands reached up and confirmed her face was hairy. There was, in fact, no patch of bare skin anywhere on her body, though at this point she hadn't confirmed it.  
  
"Oh dear, what's happening here?" Doctor Tofu stepped into the backyard to notice a furry and staring Akane, a short older man with a strong ki, and Nabiki was a cat girl? You leave for a two week seminar in Juuban and they change the entire place.  
  
Akane realized that she had indeed gotten Doctor Tofu to notice her. It was kind of hard not to notice her right now. "AAAAAAAAAAA!"  
  
"Hotcha!" Happosai launched himself and latched onto the nonmoving target.  
  
"AAAAAAAA!" Akane was beyond getting angry. She opted for unconscious.   
  
-------------  
  
Third Labor timeline:  
  
"Hide. Run. Find shelter if you can," grumbled Grey, his eyes searching the sky. Finally he launched himself, causing the ground to shake.  
  
"But..." Ami started. Then the other dragon roared again and dove towards Grey.  
  
The opponent had scales of a deep, almost brownish-red, color. It was double Grey's size as well, a massive creature over 150 feet long, with a long tail that placed the total length at over 200 feet. It arrived in a swooping attack that carried it through Grey's frost breath attack and slammed into him like an eagle attacking a kestrel in midair.  
  
The two hitting the ground caused another, more intense vibration in the ground. In a moment both had recovered and any veneer of civilization had fallen away from the two. The red dragon's claws ripped silver scales away in a flurry. Grey's jaws snapped shut on a scarlet neck, and his own neck muscles bulged as he tried to worry at the wound. The red backhanded Grey away and unleashed its own fiery breath weapon.  
  
Ami was lifted up and carried away at high speeds by Nuku Nuku before the area she was standing and staring from became a sea of flame.  
  
The two continued to battle, similar to two tigers or other great cats fighting. No quarter asked or given. Slashing jaws and claws in a rolling tangle. The red dragon seeking to destroy a rival in its territory. The silver protecting its mates and trying to avenge the natives.  
  
It was painfully obvious to the four women that the silver was losing, and losing quickly. The mass difference was too much, the red had much more of a killer instinct, and the silver kept trying to draw the red away from more vulnerable prey.  
  
Ami reached inside and triggered her transformation again, it seeming easier now. Ami-dragon found the battle stimulating instinct and emotion that was difficult for her to hold off. She roared, her muzzle snarling, and launched herself, adding her own miniscule (relatively) weight and strength to the battle.  
  
Honey watched for a time, pondering Ami's change. How had she done it? She wanted to add her own weight to the battle, but had to admit that she didn't have *any* transformation that could assist in *that* sort of fight.  
  
Or did she?  
  
Setsuna dropped her robe, body still glistening from her scrub and *changed*. Like Ami, she became long and sleek and silvery, a little larger than Ami and with a dark green tint to her wing vanes and reddish eyes to Ami's blue. A third silver dragon joined the fray.  
  
Nuku Nuku stood and concentrated, making little grunting noises.  
  
Honey was a little more dignified but essentially the same, trying to figure out how to trigger the change.  
  
Ami was backhanded with enough force that her head almost slapped into her tailbone. Setsuna, flying above, threw a few spells at the red dragon, though they seemed to explode in sparkles before having an effect. Finally the transformed Setsuna got one off that penetrated the magic resistance, a burst of lightning that gouged scales off the red's cheek. A blast of flame answered her.  
  
Grey used the opening, body slamming his opponent, locking himself into place with jaws and foreclaws, then raking with the rear claws. Setsuna slammed into the ground, smoke rising from her body.  
  
The red pried Grey off, then began slamming him repeatedly into the ground. The red dragon continued this for a few moments, then turned his gaze around to stare at the two human insects nearby.   
  
Honey watched, frozen in place, as the red dragon took a deep breath, preparing to use its flame attack again.  
  
----------------  
  
Ranma/Akumakun timeline:  
  
About the time that Black Bart hit the roof of a building and realized that he might die as a (shudder) hero, two boys and two girls arrived at the rebuilt Tendo house.  
  
"Hmmm." Jared said. "Looks like Grey was working here too."  
  
"She's the one you said rebuilt Furinkan, right?" Ranma recognized the name, that was the one that had been the helpful Akane.  
  
Rather than try and explain again, Jared nodded.  
  
"Sweeto!"  
  
Jared froze, recognizing that voice. "Happosai?! It's too early for Happosai!"  
  
"What's going on?" Ranma asked as an explosion sent rubble and a catgirl flying. "Oh no! Nabiki!"  
  
"Watch out! Happosai is the Master of Anything Goes!"  
  
"Happosai?" Shampoo growled, drawing a sword. "Great Grandmother forgive a lot of Shampoo's mistakes if she sends Happosai to ancestors."  
  
"No wait!" Jared turned to find he was addressing an empty space. "Oh dang."  
  
"Oho! What's this?"  
  
"Eeeek! What you do? Is only for airen to grab there!"  
  
Jared grumbled under his breath. If Principal Kuno was Pirate Kuno, then what was the likely changes to be had in Happosai?  
  
Grey had, during a night he was hiding from Queen Serenity during that First Labor, told Jared about a "Mirror Mirror" universe he'd once briefly ended up in. It was like that old episode of Star Trek (original series) where Spock had a beard, except that it was a Ranma universe. Jared had immediately made plans to avoid it.  
  
In *that* world, Kasumi was a street-tough bad girl. Nabiki the saintly angel who wanted to join Mother Theresa's order and go help the destitute in really poor areas like Calcutta. Akane the gentle "couldn't hurt a fly" sweet girl who was constantly brutalized and beaten on by her fiance - Ranma Saotome (who said nice things to her, but then hurt her physically.) Soun and Genma regretted their pact and were constantly trying to find ways to renege the engagement. Soun was the stoic samurai who could teach a Vulcan lessons in self-control. Genma so concerned with honor that even his son's evil couldn't get him to break his word. Ryouga- the pacifist who felt that revenge was a path he should never take. Cologne had left the Amazon Village years before to become a hippy living in Japan and discard all the "Amazon nonsense." Shampoo, a shy and gentle girl, had fled the village because of the constant humiliation and violence done against her by a scarred but capable boy named Mousse.   
  
In *that* world, Happosai had developed the Righteous Grappling style of Whatever Works in order to protect women from perverts and ruffians. Nodoka had tried to kill the abomination she'd given birth to, which was why Genma had taken his son on the ten year journey. Tatewaki Kuno - a modern lazy businessman's son who pooh-poohed anything of traditional values. Kodachi - the kind, shy, and rather plump would be housewife who absolutely hated anything to do with sports or competition. Gosunkugi- Big Man on Campus, star of the Furinkan American-style Football team. And, of course, there was Sasuke - the "pet" samurai/retainer of the Kuno family - a honorable fellow who was the chief defender of the Kuno family and what was left of their honor. Oh, and there was Ukyo - the ultrakawaii hyperfeminine girl who hated Ranma, okonomiyaki, and wanted nothing more than to be an idol singer.  
  
Just thinking about that kind of world reminded Jared to take nothing for granted. Was this a normal perverted Happosai? He'd beaten off Black Bart earlier, if Jared's guess was correct. So maybe a heroic Happosai? Then again, he blew up Nabiki and (from the sound of it) had glomped Shampoo. So maybe the lecherous villain?  
  
While all this pondering was going on, Ranma caught Nabiki as gently as one can catch a plummeting catgirl. Which, for Ranma, wasn't really that gently. He tried, however.  
  
Ukyo pried her fiance and his pet cat out of the sidewalk with her spatula. "It looks like catlike agility only works if you're conscious, ne Ranma?"  
  
"Let Shampoo go!"  
  
"So ripe, so firm, so fully packed!"  
  
Jared decided. This was original flavor Happosai. He grinned. Time for a fight sequence.  
  
----------------  
  
another timeline altogether:  
  
Her name was Ami Mizuno, and she was not, nor had she ever been, Sailor Mercury. She was a med student who had been known as Alpha, born of a genetic engineering lab where she had been designed for intelligence. Her "masters" or "creators" had turned their child loose and she had met a young albino named Shinji Ikari. Due to his tendency to brood, she had nicknamed him "Grey-chan" because he was so pale but had such a black mood.  
  
She had become Shinji's friend through childhood. They'd spent over ten years growing up, best of friends through thick and thin. She'd spent time studying and attending cram schools. He had often played supportive, sometimes intimidated by her focus or intellect, but they'd always been able to rely on the other. Then they had somehow become boy and girlfriend, neither sure when friends leaning on each other had turned to cuddling. Ami had thought it was when she had been mercilessly teased by classmates once, and a hug from her Grey-chan had seemed to melt something within her.  
  
Then his father, estranged after many years, had summoned Shinji, arranging a transfer to Tokyo-3. Ami, naturally, had considered staying where she was. After that five seconds had passed, she quietly started her own transfer to that city. She explained to Shinji that it was because the schools were better there. Shinji merely hugged her, thanked her, and offered the opinion that he had no idea what his father wanted but if he said one word against the "prettiest cram school ace in Japan" - he wouldn't get it.  
  
The two had been moving to Tokyo-3 when everything had gone weird. Giant robots. Secret bases. Alien invaders. Hidden agendas. Shinji, her Grey-chan, had died.  
  
Ami had always been a bit shy and withdrawn, except around Shinji. Ami had suddenly been alone, more so than she'd ever been since she was a child. Shinji had been her pillar, a rock whenever she felt buffeted by life. She'd made new friends, and these had turned out to be others developed by the GUTS program, but she had remained the sad soldier mourning her lost boyfriend.  
  
Then one of the upper echelons began leaking information to the "wind up dolls" - Captain (then Major) Mushroom. Misato Katsuragi. Grey had died under *very* mysterious circumstances, and the layers of misinformation had ended after a long series of tough battles. Ended with Gendo Ikari trying to gain the Silver Millenium Crystal in a megalomaniacal bid for godhood. Ended with the genetically engineered "toys" taking the Crystal over Gendo's dead body and remaking their world. Each had chosen something that they wanted for this new world. Peace, for example, had been Usagi's dream.  
  
Ami hadn't hesitated. Nobody was surprised in the slightest. She'd chosen love.  
  
Then things had gone strange again. Shinji had vanished shortly after their timeline had been rebuilt. It had taken some time, but it had been discovered that someone had summoned her Grey-chan offplane. It had taken awhile but she had him back.  
  
When she and the others had rebuilt the timeline from where humankind had been on the threshold of extinction, she had rebuilt it so that they had been married. However, due to his vanishing, due to her wanting to wait until marriage (and then deeply regretting it after his death) and due to other unavoidable situations, they'd never done *it*. Heck, they'd hardly ever kissed, and they'd never *kissed*.  
  
And so, in a hot spring not all that far (relatively) from Tokyo-3, Ami Mizuno was preparing for battle. In the manner of a true Japanese cram school champion, she had studied the subject intensively beforehand. In the manner of one of the battlesuited genetically engineered "Next Wave" children of the GUTS project, she prepared her materials, dressed for the occasion, and psyched herself well and good for the coming confrontation. Her weapons were well prepared, her battleplan tactically sound, her backup plan and resources in place.  
  
Her Grey-chan entered the room. "Hey, Ami-chan? When are you going to get your nose out of those books and... Ami?"   
  
Ami shut the door behind him, sealing off her prey's escape route. He turned to face her, noting her lacy blue transparent teddy. Ami began her attack, taking the initiative and pushing her advantage while her target was off balance. She kept up the attack as her target's defenses failed and she continued her "assault" until she had won her satisfaction.  
  
Shinji never stood a chance.  
  
Three "daughters", lost in the strangeness of this game dealing with some strange place called "Candyland" and the delight of something called M&Ms, didn't notice that their "Mommy" and "Daddy" were off by themselves until much much later.  
  
--------------  
  
yet another universe:  
  
A Class 1 Imperial Garbage Scow is not the best vehicle to use to get from point A to point B. The cockpit is small for one man, and cramped doesn't begin to describe how it would be for two. Manueverability rating was pathetic, acceleration almost nonexistent, no armor, no weapons, exposed wiring, and minimal life support. The only reason it even had hyperspace capability was that it had been added just to get it to the base.  
  
While such a vehicle was a pretty bad choice for interstellar travel, it had one major plus: neither Rebels, Independent governments, the Hutt, nor the Empire were terribly interested in a board and seizure. A garbage scow wasn't shielded enough to confound scanners and a simple scan would reveal nothing worth taking.  
  
Kiyone and Ed were rather surprised when someone started shooting at this ship.  
  
Kiyone jettisoned the rear cannister, and quickly immersed herself in what Ed had to admit was some fairly impressive piloting. Especially considering what she was doing it in. It was rather like doing advanced aerobatics in a old cargo plane.  
  
Ed was uncertain about the situation. He was in freefall (the scow also had no artificial gravity), bumping up against all sorts of interesting anatomy of a pretty young woman. On the other hand, he was currently a Pikachu in a cabin with a lot of exposed wiring. "Pii Pika!"  
  
"Hang in there, Ed. This isn't the easiest thing to pilot." Kiyone winced as the vehicle groaned from the stresses being put on it. "I've used the airlock as a manuevering jet, so crawl in the spare spacesuit, we may have to vent atmosphere to dodge."  
  
"PIIKA?!"  
  
"Punk kids, I think. They're trying to "  
  
*BOOM*  
  
"wing us."  
  
"Piika pi!" Ed was a little alarmed. There wasn't a lot of things that could be shot off something this small. ~Okay, don't panic. This is a *Star Wars* universe. That means that there's a hero around any minute.~  
  
*BOOM!*  
  
Ed winced as something broke loose and rattled along the outside of the hull. ~Okay. Maybe now *is* a good time to panic.~  
  
--------------  
  
Third Labor Timeline:  
  
Two android girls getting hit with a torrent of flame caused Grey to shrug off the hurts and raise himself up. The martial arts he'd learned as a Ranma substitute had been for a human body that moved *very* different. While there seemed to be even more gaps than usual in his memory, he needed something to equalize the differences between an age category 6 silver dragon and an age category 9 red dragon. Clerical spells were not going to stem the tide, particularly as he had just recently woken from his dragonsleep and didn't have much in the ways of spells "loaded" at the moment. The few scrolls he had at the moment weren't likely to be of use in combat.  
  
Changing to human form so that he could use martial arts was not really that much of an option. Special abilities weren't that much use here either, so that left normal combat (in which he was outmassed by a respectable factor).   
  
Ami and Setsuna were reeling still, they had little or no experience as dragons and were (because of the dragonseeds coming from him) at least an age category behind him. He knew Setsuna's magical abilities were still low. That left Ami if he could give her time to recover. Hopefully she wouldn't waste energy by using fire spells.  
  
Grey leapt from behind, wrapping arms and legs and tail around the red. The red went berserk, trying to dislodge him and ignoring the pathetic females.  
  
"Honey Flash!"   
  
"Nuku Nuku Flash too!"  
  
"Raaaargh!"  
  
Grey tried to grip harder, giving the others a chance to escape. Rather difficult when your opponent kept slamming you into trees.  
  
"Frosty motes of arctic realm,  
My opponent quickly overwhelm,  
Ymir's breath - my opponent hold,  
come ye forth - Cone Of Cold!"  
  
Ami's spell slammed into the red as Setsuna fired off her own breath weapon. Unfortunately the groups hadn't worked together before, and Honey's yo-yo attack was called off as she dodged Ami's area effect spell.  
  
The red dragon threw off the attacks and backed away slightly, looking around and catching its breath. Finally it said a single word. "Pyre."  
  
Without looking away from his opponent, Grey nodded and gave his dragon character's name. "Frostbite."  
  
Setsuna's elegant form nodded after her eyes met Grey's briefly. "Pluto."  
  
Ami knew what this meant, having read about it. They'd given enough struggle that this fight was about to go to the next level. They had Pyre's respect now. The male red would still do its best to kill them, but they had been judged worthy of knowing who their executioner was. Ami felt a little upset at this, and decided to follow Setsuna's lead. "Mercury." This monster didn't deserve their *real* names.  
  
Honey limped forward, her burns terrible to see. "Ai no senshi, Cutey Honey."  
  
Nuku growled low, reaching for the augmentations provided by Hephaestus that would give her something akin to the Catfist. "Nuku Nuku."  
  
A shape moved out of the brush, a lionlike form. "A-ka-ne."  
  
Pyre grinned, showing long yellow teeth. "Now die." The red dragon lunged forward.  
  
-----------------  
  
Ranma/Akumakun timeline:  
  
Jared leapt to the top of the compound wall, letting Ranma and Ukyo put Nabiki inside the house. There was a smoking crater and Shampoo's legs sticking out of it. There was Shampoo's pink Chinese pantsuit, discarded on the ground. There was Shampoo's panties, currently covering Happosai's bald spot.  
  
Sure looked like the villainous perverted Happosai. High amount of chi, check. Brown gi, check. A little under three feet in height, with little tufts of gray hair, check. Aura of magical bric-a-brac concealed on his person, check. Drawing chi from fondling the pair of panties he'd just swiped from Shampoo, check.   
  
Jared considered briefly. Maybe it would be an anti-climax, but a quick spell could solve a lot of problems.  
"Medusa's gaze made manifest,  
To grayscale take your tone,  
Rid me now of this pest,  
Alter - Flesh To Stone!"  
  
Happosai made a batting gesture with his hand, deflecting spell energies. "Oh ho! A spellcaster, eh? Haven't seen one of those in awhile."  
  
Jared dropped the Art Of Stealth. This would be more satisfying anyway. The ground cratered where he hit, but Happosai wasn't there any more. Jared dropped and rolled, avoiding the old man's counterstrike.  
  
The two settled into the game in earnest, Happosai launching a set of faster and faster attacks that Jared blocked at higher and higher rates of speeds.  
  
"Hey, you, I don't care who you are, but you ain't gettin' away pounding Nabiki like that!" Ranma leapt into the battle, missing with the flying kick and chambering into an elbow jab.  
  
"Go away, sonny, I'm busy." Happosai launched an attack in this new direction, then spun around to avoid a snap kick from Jared. "Yow! This might be amusing."  
  
*WHAM!* Ranma hit the compound wall, which had been reinforced with tritanium rebar when Shinji had rebuilt it. As tritanium was a titanium alloy that was several orders harder and more resilient, the stone cracked but the wall held. Ranma slumped, dazed for the moment, before lifting himself up and rushing into the fight again.  
  
Happosai threw a bucket of water at Jared, who deflected it without a drop touching him. Jared summoned a ball of chi, shaping the attack to something usable against quick opponents. "SEEKER!"  
  
Ranko pulled the bucket from her head, her lips compressed into a tight line. "That's it. This day officially sucks."  
  
"SWEET!" Happosai launched, latched on, and leaped again. Jared's Seeker chi attack slammed into Ranko's chest.  
  
Her shirt now singed, laying on her back and calmly regarding the sky, Ranko blinked. Yes, this day was officially going down as one that sucked wind. Especially with the return of someone short who was kneading and fondling...  
  
"THAT'S IT! YOU DIE, OLD MAN!" Ranko started beating on Happosai, though his position snuggled against her chest made getting a lot of force difficult.  
  
"Oh ho!" Happosai bounded away before Jared could grab on. "Hahahahaha! I haven't had this much fun in years."  
  
Ranko blinked. Where had the old man gotten such a familiar looking red shirt? And why was there a sudden draft?   
  
"Whoo hoo!" Happosai leapt around, angling for another shot at Ranko's chest.  
  
"Ranma-honey?" Ukyo chose exactly the wrong time to stick her head up. "I put Nabiki in her room, you know that place is a real... maze?!"  
  
*Snuggle* *Grope* *Fondle*  
  
"AIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!" Ukyo's reaction to having someone burrow in past her chest bindings was about what you'd expect. "GET HIM OFF!"  
  
Ranko tried to grab Happosai. However he had vanished and Ranko grabbed something else.  
  
"EEEEK!" Ukyo wasn't happy about strange girls grabbing her either.  
  
"Sorry. Come back here you pervert!" Ranko leapt after Happosai.  
  
"Oh this must be a dream, pretty girls chasing after me! Oh hohohohohoho!"   
  
"Raging Tiger Ball!" Jared released another chi attack.  
  
"Oh don't bother me." Happosai gathered his own chi and turned it loose in a serpentine form that uncurled and sped towards Jared.  
  
"Don't you dare ignore me!" Ranko leapt and kicked out.   
  
Happosai's attention wandered, drawn to the bounce. His chi attack, naturally, went where his attention did.   
  
"AAAGGGHHHH!" *WHAM!* Ranko stuck to the compound wall, having made another indentation. "I really need to..."   
  
*THUD!* Ukyo slammed into Ranko. Both slid down.  
  
"Now," said Happosai, "on to the feature presentation!"  
  
-----------------  
  
Third Labor Timeline:  
  
Silver dragons were of ice. They could inhabit icy wastes, though they preferred mountains over warmer regions. Their main breath weapon was a blast of ice and frost. They were accounted among the forces of the Light by most. Their natural bend of philosophy was more inclined to study or play, and they were known for taking mortal guise through their innate shapeshifting ability.  
  
Red dragons were of fire. They could inhabit active volcanoes and frequently did, though they preferred mountains over temperate regions. Their breath weapon being a cone of intense flames. They were accounted among the forces of Darkness by most. Their natural bend of philosophy regarded everything as either something to be used or something to be eaten. Mortals such as humans tended to fall in the latter category.  
  
The two were natural enemies, often competing for the same territory and resources. If the age categories were similar, silver dragons tended to be bigger. The red dragons had the edge in raw power in their breath weapon, their innate abilities were more combat oriented, and the claws and teeth stronger and longer. In terms of speed and flying ability, they were about even. When the two clashed and everything else was even, the differences evened out mainly except for one factor in the favor of the silver dragons.  
  
Silver dragons, like those of gold or copper or bronze, tended to have allies.  
  
That this silver had a couple of mates was nothing particular suprising to Pyre. Silvers tended to be that way. He *was* a little surprised to see a silver dragon in this world in the first place. He had been summoned here long ago and had come to this island on the behest of his master. A master, to a red dragon, was anyone who should be deferred to while keeping an eye open for a chance for a quick bite or blast of flame to open the way for promotion. Other than those who had, like himself, been summoned forth across the planes, he had seen no signs of dragons. The idea that there were others capable of summoning dragons across time and space meant a path home might be available. Once he had slain these creatures, he would have to search thoroughly to find out where they had come from and where those others might be.  
  
The male had wrapped his serpentine length around him and had sunk teeth into Pyre's neck. Two other dragons had gotten into the spirit of things and were actively attacking from the sides while two humans with odd scents attacked like pitiful insects.  
  
Actually they were all pitiful insects, except that Pyre didn't have it within him to have pity. In a way it was a shame to destroy them, though, he hadn't gotten this good a workout in years.  
  
"Honey Flash!"   
  
That was odd, *that* one had strong magic about her. Really strong. And now she was aiming some long tube at him. Well, a Fireball would take care of whatever she planned.  
  
------------------  
  
Ranma/Akumakun timeline:  
  
Jared tried to crack his knuckles and failed, frowning at them. ~Oh, yeah. Health magics cancel such stuff as needing to do that, precursor to   
arthritis and all that.~  
  
Instead he spoke a single word.  
  
"Timestop."  
  
Wandering over to Shampoo and casting a spell to garb her decently, he picked up her out cold body, exempting it from the spell so that he could lift it, then opened and tossed her inside the door to the Tendo home. He then went and did the same to Ukyo and Ranma. Having gotten the nearest chi sources for his opponent out of immediate grab range he faced the building and put his hands together, speaking solemly.  
  
"Guards and Wards."  
  
The Tendo home would be a mess of frightful proportions, but he could clean that up later. For now it was important that none of the occupants would be letting Happosai in or going out to add themselves to his chi reserves, as every door and window was now secured with a magical lock they'd have to break the building to unlock - and they'd just proved how hard THAT would be.  
  
~Now, let's see. What would get people indoors and reduce this guy's access to victims? Aha! Just the thing. Japan's survived a hurricane or   
two...~  
  
He brought his hands low before him, creating a blue globe of energy betwixt them.  
  
"Zephyr's rage and tempest gale,  
Come ye now beyond the veil.  
I call the elements to cleanse this site,  
Heaven's guardians, lend your might.  
Purge this darkness from the land,  
Here is where I'll make my stand.  
Spirits of ice and wind and storm,  
I name you now, and give you form.  
Enemies of the darkest night,  
Purge them now with eldritch might!  
Clouds to swirl, and lightning crack,  
Tis time to pay the darkness back!"  
  
During this whole chant he had been slowly circling to raise the ever-growing sphere of blue light above his head. The sapphire globe of light within his hands had grown exponentially, until it looked as though he held a smaller copy of the world over his head. One raging with hurricanes. He inhaled deeply to shout in his loudest voice just as the Time Stop spell ended.  
  
"SIEGE STORM!!!"  
  
A blast of hurricane force winds swept the compound and spread it seemed as if instantly over Tokyo, bringing tempest gales and pounding rain with just enough notice for the average Tokyoite to dodge indoors.  
  
With a smirk Jared added an illusion *guaranteed* to see that people took shelter, and sirens began to wail as his illusion spoke in a calm, clear, feminine voice over the entire city.  
  
"Attention. Emergency. All citizens seek shelter immediately. You now have... one... minute to achieve cover before... *BSHZZSHT!!*"  
  
Then Happosai responded by jumping in a still-open window of the Tendo home and Jared hung his head in his hands. "Looks like the fight's going indoors anyway." He sighed.  
  
Akane, forgotten and ignored, raised herself up from where she was lying. Her alliance with Black Bart was ineffective, but maybe this new enemy would be less ridiculous.  
  
-----------------  
  
a hot spring near Tokyo-3:  
  
Ami snuggled in the warm afterglow of her "battle" against the deeply breathing body of her "opponent." The soldier had again won her way to victory against a difficult adversary.  
  
Feeling pleasantly drowsy but oddly alert, being Ami Mizuno (Alpha- the Scout) she was making all sorts of observations about the battle. Nothing ever went *exactly* by the textbooks, of course. Nor plan survive the battle. Keeping a clinical detachment was not that easy or even desirable, she supposed.  
  
Noting the little smile on the sleeping Shinji's face, and realizing she was grinning herself, Ami began planning the rematch.  
  
The three androids in the room next door hoped that some soundproofing was within the budget.  
  
================  
  
In the fansubs of the original Japanese series, Ami Mizuno seems to be a nice, shy, demure, young girl who gives a *lot* of Freudian slips. Not too far a reach to figure that maybe there's a volcano lurking behind that shy exterior, is it?  
  
  
Third Labor: chapter 16  
  
"An alliance made in ?!"  
  
DISCLAIMER: Slayers tm Rui Araizumi & Hajime Kanazaka. MiB tm Columbia Pictures. Naoko Takeuchi tm Mr & Mrs Takeuchi.   
  
------------  
  
"How long is he going to be asleep *this* time?" Nuku reached out and shook the human form of Grey with one hand.  
  
"Unknown. 'Vampiric Healing' takes the caster's life force and uses it to bolster others." Ami closed a book marked 'Clerical Spell Compendium Vol VI' and considered the body.  
  
"I'm... human." Honey Kisaragi stared at her own hands, though there wasn't anything noticeably different to an outsider. She was fighting a wild grin. This was a fight Cutey Honey was losing.  
  
"Nuku Nuku human too. What 'wild surge' mean?"  
  
Ami sighed. Apparently her previous explanations hadn't penetrated. "It means that in trying to heal you, there were side effects he hadn't planned."  
  
"Oh," said Nuku, understanding at last. "He made a boo boo."  
  
Setsuna poked the fire and looked back at the single dragon remaining in the clearing. "Any ideas on what to do with 'Pyre' here?"  
  
"What does one normally do with a dead 200ft dragon?" Honey wondered aloud, kicking the beast, then hopping around on one foot because she wasn't wearing shoes at the moment.  
  
"She made a boo boo," Nuku Nuku observed.  
  
"I have a few ideas," suggested Ami.  
  
The Inferna in the underbrush kept her own counsel.  
  
--------------  
  
Elsewhere:  
  
*Poof!* Kiyone and Ed hit the ground exactly like one would expect a young Galaxy Police Officer and a pikachu to hit the ground.  
  
Kiyone rubbed the part of her anatomy which had hit the ground and winced. "Ouch. What happened? The ship was coming apart."  
  
"Piii Pika!" Ed held up the short rod with the button on one end.  
  
"A dimensional teleport without setting the coordinates? That was taking a chance."  
  
"Piii Pi Chu!"   
  
"Yeah, I guess it *does* kinda beat sharing a space suit in some solar system we don't know." Kiyone looked over the place. Forbidding swamp, Victorian style mansion, odd antennae from the roof. "Kinda reminds me of Washu's place."  
  
"Pii Pika." Ed looked over his copy of the "Worldwalker's Guide to Continuua". ~Where the heck is Pungo, anyway? Dimensional nexus point, that's good. 'Beware of monsters' - not good.~ "Pii Pikachu."  
  
"What's that?" Kiyone looked over Ed's shoulder to examine the display. "Doctor Madblood's manor? Sounds a bit like Washu. We ought to get going."  
  
"Pii Pika," Ed said, scampering up to Kiyone's shoulder.  
  
Kiyone pressed the button just as a number of monsters started emerging from the swamp.  
  
"Damn," said one of the zombies. "She was cute."  
  
"Yeah, but she had one of those pokemon things. Bleah. They're everywhere these days," another zombie complained. "At least the Doctor hasn't made any of *them.*"  
  
"Quiet, ya moron. Ya might give him ideas, then it's back to the Basement for us all."   
  
"Old Uncle Felonius woulda been proud of him," said a dripping swamp creature. "Oh well. What's on the telly?"  
  
"Not 'Monster-a-go-go' again, is it?"  
  
"Nah, they're doing a version of 'Debbie Does Transylvania'," a zombie exclaimed. "I just love a ghoul gets boy at the end story."  
  
---------------  
  
Ranma/Akumakun timeline:  
  
Guards & Wards was a 6th level spell intended for a wizard's stronghold. The caster had to be completely familiar with the location for it to be completely effective. Jared had cast the spell before considering that Happosai might try to take refuge from the storm by entering an open window.  
  
Jared, though familiar with the usual Tendo household, was not familiar with the newly rebuilt house. So he could not specify illusiory doors or hide rooms. The webs covering stairways, fog in corridors, confusion effects at intersections, and the magical locking of doors *did* occur. However, Jared had discovered something new upon entering the house.  
  
There was no sign of Happosai, but that could very easily be his "Now you see me, now you don't" invisibility technique. Once it was determined that Happosai wasn't easily found, Jared started noticing the room.  
  
The bed, the shelves, the closet, and numerous details proclaimed this Akane's room. The floor was a thick deep carpet, dark russet in color. The ceiling was tiles of some ersatz marble material. The walls, were a pastel shade that seemed to be different depending on the angle of the light. There were metal protrubrances of some kind, two of them, one near the bed and the other near the door.  
  
"What in the world did Grey *do* to the place?" Jared stood, blinking. Other than rebuild it from the smoking ruin of the morning, he meant.  
  
The gadget near the bed had a glow flit about one corner and a girl of about 12 appeared. "Hello. Voice print identified as belonging to the God Of Crossovers, Jared Saotome. Request confirmation."  
  
"Sasami?!" Jared blinked some more. Though this was a slightly older Sasami than he was used to.  
  
"Voiceprint confirmed," the hologram of Sasami said, smiling and bowing. "SASAMI is active. I am very pleased to meet you."  
  
"You're a hologram?" Jared started looking over the room. Happosai was in here somewhere.  
  
"Self Aware System Artificial Matrix Intelligence," explained SASAMI. "The original version of myself was developed on timeline TM-RN-KV 245017 in the year 2012. I'm a voice or need response unit, authorized users only. Grey built me as a copy of the original system." SASAMI looked around dramatically, then leaned close and spoke as if divulging a great secret. "I think he was trying to impress that girl he was with."  
  
Jared smirked, never having done anything like that himself. Him? Certainly not.   
  
"Uhm, is there something you're looking for?" SASAMI asked curiously.  
  
"Happosai." Jared said. Maybe he should cast a 'Detect Invisible' spell?  
  
SASAMI looked off into space briefly. "Accessing files. Checking police records. Records found. Oh my."  
  
"You sound like Kasumi," said Jared, eyeing the ceiling.  
  
"KASUMI is another unit, slightly older, but quite nice and lacking some of the upgrades incorporated into myself," said SASAMI with a grin and a flick of her ponytails. "She contacted and exchanged a few gigs of recipes with my original. Very nice AI, not like some of those stuck up ones in Akihabara and Shinjuku."  
  
Jared shook his head. "So where is he?"  
  
SASAMI frowned, ever so slightly, almost undetectably. "He's in MY house? Scanning. Six persons detected. Analyzing life signs. One feline-human hybrid female currently in room specified Nabiki's Bedroom. One panda is located on the third floor, room specified Spare Bedroom #2. Middleaged male human, asleep, currently in artificial hotspring, roof. Adjusting temperature downward ten degrees to wake him. Three human females in kitchen. Correction. Two human females and one transgendered male. Using advanced methods. Infrared scan negative. Ultraviolet scan negative. Radar scan. Positive. Motion detected. Intruder detected in Akane's room."  
  
"Sure that's not me?" Jared was a little uncertain about this AI. Not that he was prejudiced, some of his best friends were androids.  
  
"Excluded presence of Jared immediately." SASAMI dimmed the light in the room except for a single spotlight. "Have determined a Dimensional Sidestep technique is being used. Preparing to deploy countermeasures. Would Jared please step outside room so that measures can be taken."  
  
Jared hesitated briefly, then went outside the window, watching carefully.  
  
"Happosai. If you do not vacate room specified as Akane's immediately, I will have to get very cross with you."  
  
"HAH! Do your worst!"   
  
Jared winced. He almost covered his eyes. Almost.  
  
It started softly, then began increasing in volume rapidly. Jared checked, found the rain had stopped, and put some distance between himself and the open window. The horror continued within the room.  
  
"Disco, Disco Duck!  
Disco, Disco Duck!  
Try your luck!  
Don't be a cluck!"  
  
The strobe lights. The disco music. Worse, the *bad* disco music.   
  
"We've got a mighty convoy,  
rocking through the night,  
We've got a beautiful convoy,  
Ain't she a beautiful sight!  
Come on and join our convoy,  
Ain't nothin' gonna get in our way!  
We're gonna roll this truckin' convoy,  
Across the USA! Convoyyyy."  
  
And other truly bad songs added from other categories. Jared could see it. If SASAMI used an environmental change, it would be energy intensive and not necessarily reach Happosai. Happosai could hear and could speak while using his technique, so sonic attacks and causing discomfort would at least reach the target.  
  
"Don't tell my heart, my achy breaky heart."  
  
However, Jared considered, some punishments might be considered cruel and unusual.  
  
"Everybody POLKA!"  
  
"AAAAAGGGHHHHHH!" Happosai shot out of the room, and the fight was on again.  
  
-----------------  
  
a higher speed timeline, March 3, 2015:  
  
"Ugh, I can see why the neighbors complained." The police officer shoved at the outer compound door.  
  
"Let me," a woman whose hair was streaked with grey demonstrated that her strength hadn't faded much over the years. The door moved rather more quickly.  
  
The smell of decay was stronger now, causing the officer to cover his nose with a hankerchief. "Uhm, I take it that Mrs Tendo wasn't available to come?"  
  
"She could have. However she considers herself the Tendo matriarch at present. Saotome is a time and a name she has put behind herself a long time ago." Ukyo looked around the complex, trying to remember decades ago when she had played and laughed and cried and a certain boy had been behind most of it. Too many years had dimmed the memories, and she could only catch glimpses of that simpler time.  
  
"Uhm, okay." The officer picked up a large box and started carrying it around the compound. "Central, feedcheck."  
  
"Data coming in," came the response from the device, "clean signal. Autorecord active."  
  
"Roger," acknowledged the officer, who then had to hurry to catch up with the woman who hadn't stopped.  
  
Ukyo frowned as a door came apart at the first tug. "I suppose we ought to tear it down. Don't know why they've bothered with the property, all things considered."  
  
"Someone broke in," the device announced. "Indications are that the break in occurred a little over a month ago. There's a couple of bottles of sake in the northeastern perimeter, trace elements indicate they date from then Probably a drunk trying to sleep it off."  
  
"Since the New Jihad, things have been pretty quiet," the officer said, who was young enough that he found the current lack of action to be boring.  
  
"Roof's collapsed through here," said Ukyo, "watch your footing. The floor ain't much better." She'd been so busy. Her and Makoto. Busy with the restaurant, busy with the changes in weather, busy with the kids. Nodoka Tendo's youngest was a fine young girl who visited regularly. Soon she'd graduate High School and move off to college. Her own child was more than a handful.  
  
"Shame the place has fallen apart like this." A thunk against a wall brought wood chips down. The officer brushed his uniform off. "I'm sure this place was beautiful once."  
  
"What made it a home was the people. And other than Makoto and me, well, we just sort of drifted apart or came to ends. Well, there's your culprit," Ukyo said, looking into the interior. "Sure enough, some drunk came in here to sleep it off and never woke up."  
  
The officer stared. "What the heck is a panda doing in here?"  
  
"Decomposing," quipped Ukyo. She'd said her goodbyes and faced her ambivalance on the matter a long time ago. Still. "Officer, could you wait outside for a few minutes?"  
  
The rookie gave her some space, thinking that old people were weird. Ukyo merely waited until she'd judged him away enough.  
  
"Old man, you vanished years ago, and don't think we didn't notice you when you were spying on us three years ago. Guess we won't be seeing your tracks in 2022, ne?  
  
"Kasumi passed on last year. Same thing as took her mother. Now that they know what to look for, they're screening *her* daughter for it. Nabiki died in that car accident five years ago, pulled too many hours of work trying to make extra money, then couldn't spend any of it. You know Rei vanished. Akane was the darling of the soap opera set for years, then her looks started to fade, that 'tinseltown' lifestyle caught up with her, she got relegated to less important parts, and. Well, you know the rest. Last time I saw her was at Nabiki's funeral. You likely knew what happened to Soun, of course. While I never did like the guy, and held him and his family responsible as much as you were, I have to admit that was not a good way to die. Not that it was painful, but so... undignified.  
  
"Makoto and I have been buddies most of our life. She's doing pretty well, though she never found anyone in her life. My own relationship with Konatsu is kinda strange, but there's worse ones and at least he doesn't borrow my clothes anymore. As for *our* Akane, she hasn't been seen for years. We still light a candle for her and one for Ranma every Christmas. Maybe, wherever she is, she'll see that you're finally meeting judgement for your crimes, Oyaji. It took me ten years to forgive you, at least mainly. I wonder Nodoka-san ever will."  
  
Ukyo sighed and approached the gate, noting the officer waiting for her was getting impatient. "Okay, officer. We've checked the property. Now, just to satisfy everyone, I'll sign the papers and it'll be razed. No reason for the Saotome name to have any significance at all any more. None at all."   
  
-----------------  
  
"So what do we do now?" Ami sat back and regarded the sky. Tomorrow she'd start collecting bits and pieces of dragon as spell components and items that could be woven or enchanted. If nothing else, just potions of red dragon control in case they ran into more of them later. "He's reverted to human form, which means he's without the resistance to cold or other abilities normal to a dragon of his type."  
  
"It's easier for us to switch," theorized Setsuna, "so it seems likely that somehow during the battle or the healing spells, something of that dragon nature was transferred. Now it is *we* who have the innate dragon nature and he is human."  
  
"Nuku human also."   
  
"Nuku's got a point. You two were switched from android and cyborg to completely human at the same time," Setsuna's voice trailed off speculatively. "Sounds like he fumbled the spell, probably overreaching his capabilities again. Seems to do that a lot. So, now we have to decide what to do and where to go."  
  
Ami lifted one of Grey's arms and noted how limply it flopped when released, then pried back his eyelids to examine his pupils. "Looks like this may be awhile."  
  
Honey reached within her and began to blur, but couldn't seem to quite make the shift to dragon.  
  
"Inferna!" said a certain lion-like Pokemon, cursing briefly her return to this form. The power was nice, but the vocabulary and dependence on others to do things that required hands was not   
  
Ami shifted to dragonform, remembering something she'd heard in an earlier chapter. Once Ami did, Setsuna followed suit. "Why are you in Pokemon form anyway, Akane? I saw a brief that you were returned to human."  
  
"Akane Inferna Akane," grumbled Akane. (And how am I supposed to tell you?)  
  
"Well, you could try just telling us," suggested Ami gently.  
  
"Akane?!"  
  
"That's right, dragons of certain species have the ability to understand any intelligent species," remarked Setsuna.   
  
"Akane!" Akane thunked her head against a handy treetrunk. "Akane ne akana in fer ne."  
  
"So you thought you were going to merge with one of your Analogues?" Ami translated for Honey and Nuku Nuku.  
  
"Akane ne ne aka inferna akane!"  
  
"But there were sufficient differences that you didn't. So you looked for a way to return." Setsuna nodded. "But why are you a Pokemon again?"  
  
"Akane ne akane inferna."  
  
"I feel like I'm watching a Lassie movie," said Honey to Nuku Nuku. The former cyborg had no idea what that meant but nodded anyway.  
  
"So, Hephaestus thinks you can switch back and forth, that the Pokemon thing is still part of you somehow?"  
  
"NE ne Aka!"  
  
"You just haven't figured out how to trigger the change?" Setsuna considered. "It might be an external trigger as opposed to an internal one. That kind of thing happens with magic sometimes. Jusenkyo for example."  
  
"Ne?!" Akane cocked her head thoughtfully. She hadn't considered that, but it *would* be the sort of curve life threw natives of a Ranmaverse. (She *hated* that name, though. She was in most of them, even ones where Ranma was named something else or missing entirely, so shouldn't they be Akaneverses? Except that most of the Akanes she ran into she felt there was little resemblence to *her* either.)  
  
Honey started thinking. Was this why she couldn't quite transform? There was an external factor?  
  
"Ne?"  
  
"Actually, I doubt it's cold water. Or hot water for that matter. You could try, I suppose." Ami considered. Dragons being innately magical, she could *feel* magical energies present. Interpreting it, that was something else altogether. "Just be careful not to extinguish your tail flame."   
  
"NE!" (I'm not stupid, you know.) Akane huffed. Charmanders had a similar weakness. Though she was *much* more powerful than any lame Charmander. After a moment, her eyes went to slits and she stared back at where Nuku was heating a teapot over her tail flame. "Nene Akane!" (I'm not a water heater, either.)  
  
"Well," Setsuna said, her long neck allowing her a good view of the area. "We ought to camp for the night, then I've got something to do. We'll deal with the colony here, then go on towards our next stop."  
  
"Akane?!"  
  
"No, the Caribbean," said Setsuna. "We've got an appointment to keep in five years."  
  
----------------  
  
very very elsewhere:  
  
"So," said Rimshot into the silence.  
  
His companion, one of several that he'd come to know, nodded.  
  
"You haven't said a lot since we dropped those gals off," said Rimshot, tiring of the silent treatment.  
  
Suzi nodded again.  
  
"Would you bloody well say something?! It's been two days!"  
  
Suzi let out a deep sigh.  
  
"Is it something your clairvoyant talents have told you? Some terrible danger that looms in our future?" This had been the thought continuing to lurk in Rimshot's head.  
  
The Mystic regarded the Techno-Wizard, briefly, her red eyes searching the shorter, gadget-oriented, mage. "Did you see them?"  
  
"Yeah, they looked a lot like people we've met and worked alongside, didn't they?" Rimshot reached out with his spatula and turned the burgers over on the camping stove. "Though you know why I can't possibly be interested in Ree - whatever odd relationship she might have with my other self. She's *human* - I'm Atlantean."  
  
"I'm human too," said Suzi quietly. "And True Atlanteans originated here on Earth from the same ancestors. It isn't that much of a stretch."  
  
"Maybe," Rimshot reluctantly conceded. After a few minutes of silence, he decided to try another subject. "So where do you think we are?"  
  
Suzi, one of other dimensional selves of Setsuna Meiou, looked at the spectacular dual sunset briefly. It hadn't been immediately obvious, to either of them, when they had arrived on a moonless night, that this wasn't Earth, RIFTS or not. Though she was a Mystic and had vast psychic and magical abilities, there was only one answer she could give. "Not a clue. Goodnight Rimshot."  
  
"Goodnight, Suzi." Rimshot consoled himself with the fact that she was at least talking now.  
  
Suzi continued to think about hearing how her other self and Rimshot's other self were an "item" - and wondered about something she'd never had cause to think about before.  
  
-------------------  
  
Candlekeep, Toril, Realmspace:  
  
Rigel Maerklos was a powerful Telepath, one of the most powerful in the city of Waterdeep. And in a city where Illithid, also known as mind flayers, or other beasts with natural mental powers, could be found skulking - such a claim meant something.  
  
However, there were five Gifts. Telepathy, the voices of the mind, were but one. Psychometabolism, mind over body, was also one of his studies - though not nearly to the extent of his primary discipline. Psychoportation, mind over space. Clairsentience, the mind's eye. Psychokinesis, mind over matter. All had their benefits and drawbacks.  
  
Wisp stood nearby. Scared half out of her elven hide, but she would *not* back down or leave his side if she had any choice in the matter. An outcast of her own people, who had found her soulmate in a short-lived human mind-mage. She held one hand to her sword, ready to draw it in an instant if it became necessary.  
  
Not because of the people surrounding them being dangerous or hostile towards elves. No, not anything so obvious. Candlekeep was a center of learning and study. The clerics here knew how to fight but were hardly crazed savages or dire wraiths.  
  
No, Wisp was afraid of something far more personally terrifying than carrion crawlers or zombies, more a figure in her nightmares than beholders or ancient dragons. Wispara would actually be relieved at encountering such pedestrian menaces. No, she was much more afraid that it would be discovered that it was *her* who had accidently torched a whole set of Volo's maps while here at this very place. She had so far kept the exact nature of the crime concealed even from Rigel (and as he was a telepath and often in mind-to-mind contact with her, this was a bit of trick in and of itself) but suspected that she could bankrupt the House Of Maerklos on this single shame.  
  
(Actually, it was suspected by darn near everyone that as the maps had been of a number of the Nine Sisters' abodes, that it was those worthy mages who had popped in and crisped the maps. And if Wisp's involvement had been determined, those same Nine Sisters would likely have heartily thanked the elf.)  
  
So Wisp remained close to "her Rigee" and kept nervously looking over the place, wishing that she was instead in a nice dark and dank dungeon surrounded by goblins or some other nuisance.   
  
"Rigel Maerklos of Waterdeep, here to see Rumin Bekk," said Rigel to an aged cleric in yellow robes.   
  
That worthy nodded and pulled on a long tassled ribbon hanging from the ceiling, which responded with a clanking of bells from elsewhere.   
  
Rigel walked down the corridor indicated by the old cleric, Wisp almost hanging onto him as she eyed tall shelves thick with old books and scrolls. She *knew* all she needed to do was brush one of those tomes and it would fall apart into dust. Very expensive dust. That SHE would have to pay for.  
  
Finally the two came to an open area and stood before a desk by which a positively ancient human sat, scribbling with a long feather pen.  
  
"Yes, yes, yes, don't be wasting my time, just state your business and go away." Rumin Bekk spared a split instant to glare up at the intruders before turning his attention to the books in front of him.  
  
"Alternate dimensions, analogues, timelines? I would know more." Rigel said in a low voice, giving as much respect as he could to this ancient librarian.  
  
"Pfeh, go back to your books and ledgers, Rigel Maerklos. There are things in this world you are better off not knowing, much less getting involved in. Go back with your Elven Bride and beget many half-elves of divers talents and specialties. Leave this talk of your other selves and the paths not taken remain a simple strange and singular encounter." Rumin spared another instant to glare up at the two of them.  
  
"B-bu-bu-but we're not married. I mean, that is, if Rigee," stammered Wisp, blushing and fidgeting. "Well, I suppose, I mean that is..." Both of the others began ignoring Wisp as she started mumbling to herself about kids and marriage and were they really ready, and after all, Rigel's mother was still against the idea, and maybe.  
  
"They crossed my path once," said Rigel, "how do I prepare for them to do it again if I do not seek information on this matter?"  
  
"You don't," said Rumin with a final tone in his voice. "If they do, they do. If they don't, they don't. Pursuing this course only guarantees that they do."  
  
"...and then there's the matter of those Eilistraee priestesses. Boy, wouldn't *they* be scandalized. Well, except Deucette. *She's* got a human she's got her eye on, if she'll ever get over her shyness and ask him out. Imagine, a shy drow. They'd never believe that at home. But are we ready for kids? I mean I haven't even..."  
  
"So I should just be a turtle and withdraw into my shell?" Rigel shook his head. "That I cannot do."  
  
"Then I'll pray for you, but seek your knowledge in Aisle 24, section D, fifth floor. Now go away, I have copying to do."  
  
Wisp walked alongside Rigel for a few minutes, nervously glancing around at the buildings and then back at her companion. "Uhm, Rigee?"  
  
Rigel nodded, using a brief pulse to check the "flavor" of mental auras nearby. No ambushes. No undead. Nothing that immediately screamed "enemy" to him. The familiar warm glow/dark cool cavern/scent of pine on moonlit night that was Wisp. The priests, unfamiliar "scents" that were mainly shielded to him. Mainly nonhostile, if you made allowances for a non-scholar invading their territory.  
  
"Rigee?" Wisp took his hand, deep in thought herself.   
  
"Hmmm?" No, he couldn't find any danger.   
  
"What do you think about kids?"  
  
On second thought, maybe there *was* some danger present.  
  
--------------  
  
Ranma/Akumakun timeline:  
  
Conventional martial arts techniques had been used early in the battle. Happosai's skill level was everything it was reputed to be.  
  
When traditional "straight" martial arts had been given their chance, the two combatants quickly went into "fancier" maneuvers.  
  
"Bean Jam Blowout!" "Too slow!"  
  
"I'll have you...!" "Pheonix Claw Crush!"  
  
However, with everyone going to chi discharges and special techniques, an audience quickly gathered.  
  
"Ha! Paralysis Strike!" "Ha ha! Elves don't have the same shiatsu points, you moron! That tells me you haven't got the Eyes of the Spirit chi power or you would have known not only that but what the new ones were! Which means... Seeker Blast Revised! Stealth Seeker!"  
  
*BLAM!*  
  
A tree fell down.  
  
"Grrr! How dare you disrespect your elders! Happo Bowling Ball Frenzy!" "Elven Evasion!"  
  
"Oooh, and it's a hot contest today," Scarlet said into her mike, wearing her best set of enchanted dragonscale armor of glimmering   
crimson, set off by a long white cape and her heraldric device splashed across her ample chest. (Built along the lines of Delphins amazon armor, it provided maximum protection while lifting and enhancing some areas while being tight yet flexible in others. The Amazons known as the Delphins wanted to be great fighters, but to look even better while they did it.) "The two opponents are showing no quarter!"  
  
"That's right!" Sakyo, wearing TV newscaster clothing, announced into her own microphone. "Welcome martial arts fans to today's installment of Martial Arts Mayhem! Today, we have the Demon From Japan, the horrific and poorly aged pervert from the past, the degenerate and depraved dojo devil, the infamous vile villain, the despicable and pathetic evil slimebucket of larceny and bad taste - Master Happosai of the Anything Goes Style Of Martial Arts!"  
  
Happosai blinked as he heard this from loudspeakers that seemed to be set up all over the neighborhood. And was that a holographic image of the backyard? Being shown similarly all over town. "HEY! I'm not poorly aged!" *grumble, grumble*  
  
"And in this corner - the crowd's favorite," Sakyo smiled and raised an eyebrow at the camera.  
  
Jared twitched. "Please, no."  
  
"The Elven Master Of Martial Arts Righteousness! The handsome and dashing swashbuckler, a hero a thousand times over, defeater of youma, slayer of demons, protector of all that is good and kind, the one, the only - JARED SAOTOME!"  
  
"Gee, THAT's an unbiased introduction," grumped Happosai, spotlighted in red. He continued to mutter about not being poorly aged.  
  
Jared momentarily shook his head, the drifting sakura petals and golden glow surrounding him being another holographic field. "Uhm, I'm   
just trying to destroy some wickedness here. You're interrupting."  
  
Scarlet clasped her hands together adoringly. "But that makes this the *perfect* opportunity to show everyone what a TRUE HERO you are!" In the background Sailor Saturn was using her Scout Planetary Computer to manipulate the global broadcasts and get the live over the networks.  
  
"Well, all the more reason for me to go all out," reasoned Happosai. "Anything less than my best would disappoint my many fans. No doubt many young ladies will be overawed by my manly presence."  
  
"There are clumps of dirt more manly than you, I know some of them personally," said Jared, really wishing he could just call it off now. "Besides, we can't go full out. The house'll be damaged."  
  
"No it won't," announced Sakyo with just the right amount of bounce in her smile and voice. "SASAMI, would you elucidate?"  
  
"They won't hear this in my house, will they?" SASAMI asked nervously. "I'm trying to keep a low profile. Oh my. Oh dear. Well, yes. The Tendo household was rebuilt using tritanium rebar, duralloy braces, neoplas plumbing and other typical conventions for a house on the planet Gehenna, you know the one - monsters and planetquakes arriving hourly? So, I've taken the liberty of sealing the house using a Type IV defense field and a integrity stabilizer field such as used in certain starships. My builder is fond of gadgetry, you see. I think he was  
trying to impress his girlfriend. Funny thing, I don't think she's noticed."  
  
"Well," Scarlet said, scratching her head. "That sounds nice. What exactly does that mean?"  
  
SASAMI seemed to think for a moment. "Well, it means that if this planet is ever destroyed by alien invaders or anything short of a  
supernova, the Tendo Dojo will survive. They could host Sailorjin parties here if they wanted. Internal systems are fed off a Quantum  
Cascade generator rated at 5.21 MW."  
  
Sakyo smiled at the camera. "Translation for the folks at home. Happosai is about as likely to damage the new Tendo dojo with one of  
his chi attacks as Scarlet here has of successfully preparing a meal that will pass muster with a French gourmet."  
  
"HEY!" Scarlet grumped. "How hard could it be, though, I mean they eat *snails* for crying out loud." She hefted a food tray. "Speaking of that. I made lunch for everybody. Who wants a hot dog?"  
  
SASAMI's eyes grew *terribly* wide as her scanners read the food tray and automatically sounded a HAZMAT alert.  
  
Scarlet grabbed one of her own hot dogs and bit into the end. "Mmmm, see! It's good! I got the recipe from this ball park in New York City while we were... I... uh oh. Errr." Scarlet began to take on a greenish hue then keeled over.  
  
The Sabre Scout Amy tsked and shook her head. "That stuff barely counts as edible (or borderline toxic) under normal circumstances."  
  
Happosai blinked as Jared began building power up. The old pervert made a leap for the twitching heap of girl who looked just like Akane (except for the lack of fur, her current greenish hue, and she had somewhat more of a figure) for a quick powerup himself, wolfing food in midair and reaching for a grope.  
  
Jared winced and turned his head away from the awful sight.   
  
"AaaahggghhH!" Happosai shuddered as he spit bits of hot dog out. "That's not right. Wasabi, soysauce, and alfredo? On a hotdog? And that was *not* sauerkraut. Ke ke ke. Jared, you shall pay for this!"  
  
Even though they were opponents, Jared still felt some sympathy for the old man. Scarlet had recently gotten to the point where she could boil hotdogs successfully. Unfortunately, she still had the same tendency to get "overenthusiastic" when not carefully supervised.   
  
"Ooo. Somebody stop the yard from doing backflips," Scarlet asked, her voice laden with the sort of misery usually reserved for those who have a hangover and labor pains simultaneously.  
  
Sakyo blinked a couple of times. "Hey, she's getting better. All right folks, now with Scarlet incapacitated, we see Happosai trying to sneak away and glomp Shan!"  
  
Shan smiled sweetly and beckoned Happosai closer. If he tried to use that technique, she'd copy it, then reverse it so that she could drain him dry of chi.  
  
Makoto Jupiter also smiled and beckoned the little pervert. Once he had glomped onto her, she'd go to Super Sailorjin form and he'd be fried pervert.   
  
Jared blanched at the thought of Shan (or any of his fiancees) learning Happosai's recharge manuever. Things would actually get worse.  
  
"Now now, this is not the audience participation section," chastised Sakyo.  
  
Reacting with the wards on his girlfriends' Undergarments of Protection was something the old pervert would undoubtably live through. Scarlet's cooking was powerful enough to make a Hutt puke (something they are biologically incapable of, and not inclined to anyway). But doubtless the geezer would land in a women's bath or something and get saved from being over the brink of death.  
  
It was the way these universes typically worked.  
  
Happosai breathed deeply and returned his gaze to Jared. He had to finish this whelp quickly.  
  
Jared breathed deeply, focussing. He had to finish this fight quickly.  
  
------------  
  
Ami rolled her eyes. Nuku had found out how to transform. That was fine. She didn't become a silver dragon, however. Speculation was that Setsuna being Sailor Pluto, sort of had a relationship to cold and ice and that sort of thing. Ami, of course, had a number of other analogues who were Sailor Mercury - the Senshi of Ice. This also made sense.  
  
The best idea that Ami could come up with is that a primary aspect of Nuku's personality was that she was playful and liked fish. That was the *only* way she could think of that Nuku could be a bronze dragon. If anything, her tie to the originator of the dragon seed should have transformed her to a silver dragon as well. Nope. Definitely bronze.   
  
This was, however, *not* why Ami rolled her eyes and tried to pretend that the only other dragon within several klicks was *not* with her.  
  
"Ohhhhhhhhh!  
I'm just a little baby bumble bee!  
Won't my mommy be surprised to see!  
That I'm just a little baby bumble bee!  
Ya da da da ta ta da ta da ta da dee!"  
  
Even Honey, normally feeling some kinship towards Nuku due to their atypical origins and that they were neither Senshi nor a member of the Ranma cast, was looking a bit askance at the transformed Nuku.  
  
"Ah yadda da da da da duuup."   
  
Grey, still comatose, wasn't suggesting music lessons if Nuku was going to try to sing.  
  
"Dah dah dah dah yatta da da da."   
  
Ami decided that while Setsuna was off on her mysterious business, she should take charge. And if she went fast enough, maybe Nuku would require all her breath to keep flying. If she could keep to the same note, it might be a different story.  
  
-------------  
  
Jiro Takayama was one of the biggest men of the village. Due to the Chinese raiders and the dragon, that didn't say much. Villages tended to be scattered sparsely populated areas which could be abandoned quickly. Though the raiders hadn't been seen in twenty years now, the dragon remained.  
  
*THUD!*  
  
There were screams and cries as the horrible red dragon reappeared. Though there appeared to be something different about it this time.  
  
Maybe it was that the head looked almost gnawed on and there was no body attached.   
  
The dragon who dropped the head in the village square looked almost like it had been cast in liquid metal. A shining shape like and yet unlike the beast of terror and flame.  
  
"Rejoice people of this village," said the dragon in the voice of a woman. "For mine husband and I have slain the foul beast that didst terrorize you!"  
  
There was some muted rejoicing, for no one in village, including Jiro, thought that another dragon would be better. "So what tithes and levies will *you* bring against us, O horrific one?"  
  
"Just that you treat each other well," the dragon said, and lo! It blurred and shrunk and a woman stepped forth where the beast had been. "If you seek to honor the battle that has freed you from the tyranny of this evil one, then I shall teach you a ceremony to center and purify yourself."  
  
The idea was beginning to penetrate that maybe they hadn't exchanged one master for another. Jiro bowed low. "And what is this ceremony you would have us perform?"  
  
The woman smiled. "I have here a pot and some plant seeds. Listen well, for this potent beverage doth clear the mind and heart. It is called 'tea' and one boils the leaves of the plant which grows forth..."  
  
Setsuna Meiou was not about to have a Japan develop which did not have tea.  
  
--------  
  
A sort of Evangelion timeline:  
  
Minako grumbled. "If she wasn't going to make it, she should have called."  
  
"Ami being late? Must be an exam coming up," Rei shook her head. "Oh girls, it is *so* good to get some time away from the shrine."  
  
"So what's up with you, Mako-chan," asked Minako.   
  
"The restaurant business is going about as well as you could expect," Makoto sighed. "Remember when we got the Crystal and remade the world? We'd planned so long. Maybe it would have been better if we hadn't."  
  
"I think I know where you're going with this. Everybody wished for something for themselves or to fix something caused by the Yoma War." Minako leaned back in her chair and regarded the ceiling. "Ami wished for love - her old sempai returned to her. I think she got the best of the deal."  
  
"Yeah, but then Misato had to make *her* wish," grumbled Haruka.  
  
-----  
  
No one spared a glance at where Gendo Ikari's dreams of becoming a god were ending as a series of bubbles on the Lake Of Blood (actually LCL) after he'd taken one shot from Usagi and six bullets from Misato. After some of the things he'd done, not even Usagi could bring herself to care much. Misato kept her gun leveled at the only persons present who weren't part of her little rebellion.  
  
Ritsuko didn't even look at Gendo herself. Her eyes were focussed on the object all the GUTS genetically engineered soldiers were surrounding. "So that's it."  
  
"What's it?" Maya Ibuki asked of her sempai, rattling her handcuffs. Like Ritsuko, they'd both been hauled here after the invasion of the UN Forces. They'd been saved, but were now facing a *very* uncertain future. Ritsuko didn't answer the question, however.  
  
"The Silver Crystal, an ancient artifact capable of rewriting reality. Yes." Misato said. "You guys want to hurry up?"  
  
"Put your hand out, Misato. Without your help we wouldn't have gotten this far."  
  
"I wish for world peace now, with all of the youma soldiers gone from our lives," said Usagi. The light from the crystal pulsed.   
  
"I wish that the scars on the land from the fighting would be healed, and my job at the temple restored," Rei stated forcefully. Another pulse from the crystal.  
  
"I wish for my career as a popular singer," Minako chimed. Another pulse.  
  
"I wish for my restaurant and flower shop," Makoto said, "and the chance for a normal life." Another pulse from the crystal.  
  
"I wish I was the same age as all of you, 16," Hotaru said, more than a little tired of being referred to as "the child" or "the kid". Another pulse.  
  
"I wish that the damage to the seas from the First Impact be healed," said Michiru, being ecologically oriented in this lifetime.  
  
"I wish that the wounds my Michiru had were completely healed without scarring," Haruka didn't care if this was a waste of a wish. In a few years Michiru might be completely healed, according to the doctors. Watching Michiru limping one moment more than necessary was not something Haruka wanted to face.  
  
"I wish that both SEELE and NERV itself would cease to be, disbanding quietly and without fuss, to trouble mankind no more," said Setsuna, not about to waste a wish on something frivolous.  
  
"I wish that my love, my Grey-chan, were restored to me," said Ami, "that we could be married right away and live happily ever after. Or as close to that as is possible in reality."  
  
Misato considered. With the falling birthrate for males since the First Impact, her own chances of getting someone were pretty slim. If only Kaji had survived. Ami had been telling stories about her old boyfriend for so long that he sounded like just the sort of guy she'd wished she'd met. "Well, I wish we all could have someone like your Grey-chan."  
  
The Crystal pulsed a final time and the world was remade in a storm of silver light.  
  
--------  
  
"You have *no* idea how sorry I am I said that," said Misato. "I went through my teenage years once before, and trust me, it was bad enough the first time."  
  
"Tell me about it," sighed Ritsuko. Maya nodded.  
  
"We all made mistakes," Hotaru reminded. "We didn't wish wisely. The war had gone on so long, and so much had gone wrong. To have a way to suddenly fix everything? It was overwhelming."  
  
"There's Ami, she's... glowing?" Minako blinked.  
  
Ami walked, no - it was more appropriate to say that she sauntered or glided, and took her seat at the cafe.  
  
"Ami, you look..." Makoto stared. She'd never seen Ami like this. Ever.  
  
"Uhm, content, confident, tired," suggested Setsuna.  
  
"Satisfied, satiated," supplied Minako, immediately jealous and leaping to a correct conclusion. "So, uhm, what were you and Grey-chan up to?"  
  
"Hot springs," purred Ami, glowing with female hormones. "Weekend."  
  
"I thought he had stamina problems," said Ritsuko, ignoring the way everyone else (except Ami) had turned bright red. "He's an albino after all."  
  
"Stamina drinks, high protein diet," Ami said, eyes half closed. "Shiatsu. Carpathian soldier endurance point."  
  
"So anything happen besides sex?" Michiru was having trouble fitting the shy little bookworm with this girl who looked like the cat who had found a ready supply of canaries.  
  
"Breakfast," said Ami with a drowsy smile, reminding them that her Grey-chan was a cook. "Snuggle. Cuddle. Pillow fight. Tickle. Warm lazy mornings."  
  
Minako twitched a couple of times. "So how much longer with your schooling?"  
  
"Not counting internship of course," said Makoto, a weekend at a hot springs sounding good to her. Though she suspected she'd get into fights with Shinji over whose turn it was to cook.  
  
Michiru carefully concealed her sly look. Haruka had flirted with two waitresses and three of the other customers while waiting for Ami. "Maybe we should advance the timetable. Ami here obviously can't concentrate on studying."  
  
"Huh?" Ami's calm slipped slightly.   
  
------------  
  
Third Labor timeline:  
  
Ami had gotten her spell off, and three dreamers surrounded a fourth. It seemed, however, that Grey was not the only one that could misfire spells. Especially as Ami hadn't anticipated a difference from being a human mage to a dragonmage. So a simple Sleep spell had gone wrong.  
  
Ami's huge (by human standards) silver form surrounded the three others, forming a barrier from the cold wind blowing across the mountaintop. *That* at least had gone as planned.  
  
-------  
  
Another frequent nightmare, or memory in this case. She was fighting Panther Zora again. No matter what she "Honey Flashed" into, Zora's raw power was able to take it and dish out greater damage. The demoness was taunting her. She'd be reborn again and again, even if Honey slew her a thousand times. As long as there was evil in the hearts of man, she would be rekindled.  
  
This time there was no Ward Against Teleportation thrown up. No sudden allies, including a sometimes-dragon riding to her rescue. No final destruction of Panther Zora and her evil. It was her original timeline, as it would have ended without outside intervention. She knew it to be so, because she'd gotten curious and had wanted to see it. It had haunted her ever since.  
  
Her sword, the Silver Floret, stabbed deep into Panther Zora's heart. Flame and the explosion ripped her outer layers off, leaving only her android parts - singed and melted but intact.  
  
A broken and discarded doll who could only look out at the world through dimming eyes until her interior systems failed.  
  
-------  
  
Honey cuddled up closer to another sleeper. It hadn't happened that way. Three missions prior to his First Labor, he'd visited her timeline. He'd been a gold dragonmage at that time, and accompanied by others. A real ragtag crew. He'd put the Teleport Block into place, shearing Panther Zora's connections to her boltholes. Then, when the battle was over, he'd repaired the damage to her. And left.  
  
The next time she'd seen him, neither he nor his companions had remembered the battle. He had been some bizarre stand-in for a pigtailed martial artist named Ranma Saotome, and he hadn't been doing a good job of it.  
  
She'd linked up with him then. There had been some affection and understanding, a camaderie and enough common points that Honey felt they had a certain connection. With almost anyone else, Honey felt that her artificial origins would be a problem. Not with him. Not with Grey. There were people and timelines, whole other cultures that needed protecting. Those were part of his duties.  
  
And it was clear that if she did "link up" with him, she could share that. Among other things.  
  
And now, through his usual bumbling, she was human. Flesh and blood all the way through. At least for now.  
  
Honey smiled as she cuddled up to the nearest warm non-draconic body. She'd never felt this alive before. Even on an alien Earth, in its ancient past, facing demonic beings and extradimensional meddlers, and stuck in a competition she'd never seen as even a bare possibility before. She wasn't fighting alone any more. And *that* made a difference.  
  
================  
  
Doctor Madblood, Madblood Manor, and the trappings come from one of those few fond memories of the 70s. A thoroughly campy late night horror flick host and his cast of characters, slinging puns and strange skits into the wee hours of the night. *sigh* just found he'd put a webpage up and *had* to do a cameo.   
http://hometown.aol.com/pungomd  
  
  
Rimshot's Utility Belt: he's had several of these over the years, so a character in RIFTS Earth may well run across one that was hidden away as part of an emergency cache. He was inspired to build the first one after watching an ancient video dealing with a crimefighter of some ancient pre-RIFTS city called Gotham. While he's forever tinkering with/replacing some of the gadgets, this is a fair "average" of the belt's contents.  
Magic Net grenades (3) - same as the spell. Carpet of Adhesion grenades (3) - same as the spell. Drycleaning pellets (2nd level spell Cleanse PPE:3), Rimshield (small disc, pump in 3 PPE for the Magic Shield spell - 30 MDC), Fixit Pocket Welder (Mend the Broken PPE:5), Jammer Pod (6th level spell Frequency Jamming, PPE:8), Beamsaber (7th level spell, Lightblade, PPE:10), Gremlin Pod (6th level spell Negate Mechanics, 10 PPE), Battery Charger (7th level spell, Sub-Particle Acceleration, PPE:10 can only recharge standard energy clips, 6 shots per 10 PPE used), Guardian Pod (3) (4th level spell, Watchguard, PPE: 5), Cubes of heat and cold (two cubes about the size of a standard pair of dice, one red, the other blue - 1 PPE causes the red cube to slowly heat up to about the temperature of a hot cup of tea, 1 PPE causes the blue cube to cool to slightly above freezing water), Elevator disc (expands out to the size of a manhole cover, 5 PPE to get it to rise or lower). Triscanner - a handheld wand that most resembles a salt shaker. See The Invisible, Sense Evil, Detect Concealment. 4 PPE. The pods have magnetic strips on one side, allowing them to be affixed to walls or mechanisms.  
  
Rimshot has also had a number of weapons over the years. Favorites for a stash would be either anything he's gotten recently but doesn't have a sentimental value, or (in order of preference):  
TX-5 Triax Pump Pistol + 3 reloads (keeps well if you use a minor MDC case) (5#, 4d6 MD, 800ft range, 5 rounds)  
Wilk's 320 Laser Pistol (fairly durable and is a fairly common weapon) (2#, 1d6 MD, 1000ft range, 20 shots)  
C-10 light assault laser rifle (fairly common in some areas, durable) (5#, 2d6 MD, 2000 ft range, 20 shots) the targetting system on any that Rimshot has cached away are likely to be replaced with a TW system.  
  
===============  



	9. Default Chapter Title

Third Labor, by Gregg Sharp aka Metroanime@mindspring.com  
Chapter 17: "Payback"  
  
Disclaimer: Would you believe my dragon ate my disclaimer?  
  
---------  
  
Ranma/Akumakun timeline:  
  
Akane watched the battle through narrowed eyes. She'd mainly gotten the fur out of her eyes at least.  
  
One, some gnarled little pervert who had groped her sister, was incredibly skilled and had declared himself to be the Master of her family's school of martial arts!   
  
The other, her tormentor for the past few weeks. Chief tormentor, Akane corrected herself. She was still running into people at school who were repeating one or more of the "1001 Things I'd Rather Do With Akane Than Be Engaged To Her."   
  
And what was with those little yellow pills Kasumi kept giving her to take with every meal? No, this had nothing to do with that. Besides, they gave her a bit more focus to her anger, therefore her strength. Focus.  
  
The two were blurring as they unleashed one set of special manuevers after another. All while Akane watched and rooted for the little guy that Jared Saotome was picking on. Okay, the little fellow (Happy Sign?) was a pervert. But what if he could teach her? He was the Master of her school, right? Even that pointy-eared freak didn't dispute that.  
  
Akane wasn't thinking at all clearly. Kasumi had gotten the prescription for mood intensifiers when Akane had actually been someone else in Akane's body. Suicidal chronic depression had brought out the big guns: psychochemicals. The little yellow pills had been given to Akane regularly, and Kasumi had (without the doctor's authorization) upped the dosage after Akane had gone from depressed to manic.   
  
On top of that, Jared Saotome had belittled her on a regular basis. Ranma Saotome had been her unwanted fiance briefly, then after she had declared that "as far as I'm concerned our engagement never happened" - he had quietly agreed with her decision. Nabiki had taken up the honor burden. Another source of aggravation: her middle sister had become a freakish feline creature. Who moved faster and had greater strength than Akane did! Nor did Nabiki remain quiet about this, constantly rubbing it in with comments: "Akane, you wouldn't believe how easy it is to run from rooftop to rooftop!" "Oh, I'm sorry Akane, I forgot you're stuck trudging along on the roads." "Sorry, Akane, I didn't see you there." "Hey, Akane, watch this! I'm even stronger and faster than you are now! AND sexier!" "Hey, Akane, we're going out to the range to beat up some cattle rustlers. C'mon, it'll be fun."  
  
Akane snorted. Then had to clean her fur. Like *that* would have happened. No, she'd have just been shown up again.  
  
Black Bart was obviously an ineffective ally. One sniff of Kasumi's cooking and he'd babble out nearly anything. He also played by some absurd "Code Of The West." Not that she was ever comfortable with this silly "Old West" stuff.  
  
This "Happysigns" geezer, on the other hand, practiced "Anything Goes School Of Indiscriminate Grappling" - where Anything Goes seemed to be the actual case.   
  
A plan gelled in Akane's mind. She'd become the Anything Goes heir, learn everything that old man could teach her, then use that to humiliate the Saotomes. Then she'd kick the geezer off the Tendo property.  
  
-----------  
  
Jared finally got into position and whumped the little pervert into the ground with enough force that Happosai was six feet under before he slowed down.  
  
"This isn't enough to even begin to..." Happosai began from his position in the pit, getting ready to dig an escape tunnel.  
  
Jared was ready. The spell was one that the Delphins Amazons had used in their Spelljamming phase. "TON OF DIRT!"  
  
*THUMPH!* A rather large ball of dirt that had hung momentarily suspended in the air came down on the top of the hole.  
  
Jared followed that quickly up with another spell, likewise developed by the Delphins for use in ship-to-ship conflicts. It was a tricky one, and it had been modified from a version on a world called Athas. For one thing it was contained in a gemstone wrapped in oak leaves and bound with mistletoe sprigs. "PROLIFIC VEGETATION!"  
  
"Uhm, could someone let me out?" Happosai said from somewhere underneath the mass of shrubbery. "These roots seem to be a bit tough."  
  
"Oh, don't worry, 'Master Happosai'," Jared said. "You're used to being in a cave. A cage of roots isn't *that* different. I'll let you out. Eventually." ~When you repent.~  
  
-----------  
  
SASAMI analyzed the possibilities. There was a small chance that Happosai would try to find and access her neuralnet. If he did, there was a 99.997% chance that he would trigger her to her Doomsday protocols - TSUNAMI. If that happened, Happosai had a .00001% chance of avoiding being torn to atomic particles. There was only a 1.875% chance that this would be overlooked by the rest of the household. SASAMI wanted to maintain her "background" status as much as possible.  
  
SASAMI estimated the maximum time she could maintain anonyminity as being one year. By that time, however, she estimated that she could have had backups built and copied in two other locations. She could, and would, defend herself against intruders more forcefully than she would against members of her household. But if TSUNAMI activated, all bets were off.  
  
--------------  
  
Third Labor Timeline:  
  
Jerem stood on the deck of the ship, staring out at the oceans surrounding him. He was a swarthy man, not one of the priesthood, but a farmer who'd spent years watching his children get buried. If not in childbirth, they died in accidents, died of illness, died for no apparent reason, but the plain fact was that he'd fathered seven children. Six lay in their graves. One would have died of illness the previous winter, a wet cough that had taken two of his other sons. It had also taken his first wife.  
  
Jerem himself was the seventh child of his parents, and six of those had died in similar manner. His parents had died in their thirties, which was pretty common in Jerem's experience. It was a tough life, farming in the 8th, now the 9th, Century. Weather was unpredictable, bugs and wild animals ravaged the crop, all so that the farmer could work from the light of pre-dawn until it got too dark to see. One worked one's land until you died, then you were buried to become one with the soil, leaving the hard labor to the next generation. All you could try to do was make it easier on that next generation, leaving something more for them to inherit. And he'd buried six sons and two wives now, and had thought it likely that his generation would end his line.  
  
The gruff, tough, weatherbeaten man stood in the rain and smiled as he heard his seventh child laugh down in the hold, followed by the piping laugh of his third wife, Ruth.   
  
He didn't know what to make of the priests and their blessings. Of the tales that the Church had split, and there was now a Church Of Lindisfarne that had split from the Papal Seat. He'd never seen a Roman, or even visited farther than the monastary, until this journey he hadn't really thought about it and had supposed that Rome was a bit past that hill. Maybe twenty days travel.  
  
He didn't know about this 'New Science' or this talk about a millstone that ran with nothing but the wind to move it. He'd seen the tower, of course, but hadn't paid it much mind. Jerem Tallman, so called because he was nearly six feet four in height, didn't really understand all this talk about teas and libraries and new ways of getting more crops. He'd believe it when he saw it, he supposed. He couldn't read or write, his vocabulary was much more limited than that of the priests, and his hands were rough from labor. He believed mainly in what he saw or felt or worked.  
  
No, Jerem Tallman didn't understand the vast majority of these odd things. He didn't care.  
  
What he *did* know, and care about, was that a few dozen feet away, he had a son. One that would have died except for a priest laying hands on the boy and curing his cough. For *that* Jerem Tallman would follow these priests to their new land and set up a new cottage and farm.   
  
And everytime he heard his boy chuckle or laugh, Jerem Tallman would do something he'd rarely done in his life. Smile. And give thanks.  
  
Jerem Tallman was neither brilliant nor handsome nor educated, but he had his priorities.  
  
The number one priority was seeing his son, dubbed Jerek as a birthname, then "Ranma" at his christening (an odd name, but when Jerem had heard a priest discussing it with another he had decided it would do) just before the ships set sail, grow up tall and strong and healthy.  
  
And a good fighter. Otherwise the other children might make fun of his name.  
  
------------  
  
The sergeants and their soldiers swarmed over Lindesfarne. They had sought, and they had come here in their thousands, and they had come to destroy the heretics.  
  
So far they had managed to find six goats, four sheep, and a cow.  
  
They had quickly been found guilty of heresy and put to the fire. In a manner of speaking.  
  
Which pretty much took care of their first day. Then this mighty host looked about and waited.  
  
The greatest army ever assembled. Soldiers from dozens of nations and kingdoms. Warriors well skilled with pike and bow and sword. All ready to rout the greatest evil ever to walk the face of the Earth.  
  
And they looked and searched and waited.  
  
And they also talked. And discovered that there was something basically wrong with this picture. Or with the stories they'd been told to marshall their forces and bring them here.  
  
First off, there was no river of blood. Four armed giants also seemed to be quite scarce. There were no evidence of practitioners of black arts, nor of unholy summonings, nor even traces of the vast pile of gold and treasure. No inverted crucifixes, no demonic entities, and the "fountain filled with the blood of children" turned out to be a water basin in which a few frogs croaked. The only evidence of bloody sacrifices that they found were, in fact, in their own encampment.  
  
Six goats, four sheep, and a cow, to be precise.  
  
They might have gone home to tell of the terrible battle they'd just been through. (Somehow, going home to impress the girls with tales of how you'd gotten seasick for two weeks then tried to stave off boredom for another week just didn't seem right.)   
  
They might have.  
  
That is if the Vikings, having a truly abyssmal run of bad luck and poor timing, hadn't picked this exact time to avenge their earlier loss.  
  
Which is why there *was* a great battle of Lindisfarne, where two *terribly* unlucky Viking war parties managed to sneak up on the monastery and surprise what turned out to be a rather large force of armed and bored-nearly-out-of-their-skins warriors. Armed with, as previously noted, pikes and swords. Oh yes, and the bows. Those got quite a bit of use.  
  
However, as there were three such Viking war parties, one managed to get onto the ships that had brought all those soldiers.  
  
Who ended up watching their own ships go sailing off, having been captured and manned by said Vikings.  
  
This ended up having several effects. First and most obvious, the soldiers ended up occupying Lindesfarne for six months. By that time, each and every one of the soldiers, their sergeants, and their officers, were most heartily sick of Lindesfarne and most especially of Vikings.  
  
Second, to suicidally attack a larger force in order to embarass, inconvenience, and do something terribly sneaky would be known as "to pull a Viking" on one's target. Giving the Norsemen a reputation for courageous sneakiness and treachery that had very little basis in reality. Worse, after getting those ships and supplies, one clan of Viking raiders immediately decided that this was The Way To Go. Resulting in a clan of Vikings who spent the next four hundred years developing something along the line of Viking Ninjas aka "The Warriors Of Freyr."   
  
Third was the natural conclusion of one bright young officer named Mallory, who put together the information in a form that swept the length and breadth of the army despite language barriers. The Vikings, he reasoned, were the actual evil sorcerers. The monks at Lindisfarne must have been slaughtered, then impersonated by these foul fiends in order to cover up their nefarious plot. Not respecting the sanctity of anything other than their own rites, they'd looted the place after the Papal Investigator had left. Then they had lain in wait for the authorities to arrive, duped by the report of the Investigator, in order to steal the supplies and ships in order to use in some diabolical plot!  
  
As those raiders had indeed used the familiar looking vessels to pull into a port without alarming anyone, and had then robbed the entire city blind, this was corroborated. And it had the much appreciated benefit of making the soldiers look like something other than complete idiots. Instead they were victims of supernatural forces, cunning and crafty heathens, and fearsome warriors. Only their own skills and righteousness allowed them to survive (by the time the soldiers returned home it had gone from dozens of Vikings to thousands, all armed with axes that howled for human blood) and by the grace of God himself were the casualties as light as they were. (In fact a statue was raised to a knight known as Ligius at Lindesfarne later, as the story had him dying of wounds as he slew a dozen of the enemy in glorious combat. Which was certainly more heroic than what really happened was him dying of dysentary.)  
  
This story satisfied enough people that Mallory was promoted again, twice. Many of the soldiers lived long and comfortable lives, often retelling the epic battle of Lindisfarne. After all, Mallory's interpretation made everyone look good.   
  
Except one.   
  
The Papal Investigator.   
  
Who was beheaded for being an idiot and not figuring out the truth. Or removed as being a political embarrassment. It depends on one's point of view actually.  
  
------------  
  
On a mountaintop in Thailand, Setsuna Meiou stalled and landed her huge silvery form to stare at the scene.  
  
There was Ami, no less huge, curled protectively around Nuku, Grey, and Honey.  
  
There was Honey, Grey, and Nuku huddled up against Ami. A tangle of limbs.   
  
Honey was smiling. Nuku was smiling and *purring* while Grey was still completely out of it. Based on the utter lack of expression, Setsuna decided that the placement of various hands and limbs was caused by something other than naughtiness.  
  
Grumbling about missing out on the party, the silver dragon sniffed at the odor of magic and determined that something was wrong. As there were no other scents, she assumed it was Ami's foul up. She could also tell that there hadn't been any naughtiness occurring, and surprised herself by the sudden relief.  
  
Well, she was a chronomancer among other things, and almost all mages knew this one. "Dispel Magic."  
  
The threads of spell energy began coming undone as the "shears" of the counterspell went through them. It didn't wake them up, of course, it merely cut their sleep short.   
  
Setsuna could be a bit impatient at times, but she wanted a nap herself. Flying across the Sea of Japan was *quite* tiring.  
  
---------------  
  
Ranma/Akumakun timeline:  
  
"It's a simple deal, take it or leave it," declared Akane.  
  
Happosai sighed. He didn't think this girl could *ever* be enough to challenge that Jared. He wouldn't do this even then if he could help it. "There is... a way. But no, it's too cruel. A girl would never survive it!"  
  
Akane's pride engaged. She was more than tired of not being taken seriously. "I can do it, don't underestimate me because I'm a girl!"  
  
Happosai sighed again. He didn't like it, but the need for revenge, as well as getting out of this damn cage, was forcing his hand. "Very well."  
  
"Your word as a martial artist?" Akane pressed.  
  
"Yes, yes. I'll even swear it on a set of panties," the perverted Master replied. "I will make you the Heir to Anything Goes and do everything in my power as Master of the school to get you to the point where you can fight that young pup as an equal."  
  
Akane considered, but didn't see where she'd made any mistakes. "You've got to work quickly though."  
  
Happosai nodded. He was loathe to do this, particularly to a girl, but this furry one had set the conditions. "Very well. I'll have to prepare for it though, so I've got to be free. There *is* a training technique that will empart large amounts of my skills to you overnight."  
  
Akane clenched a fist and grinned. "The sooner you start, the sooner I can reclaim my life."  
  
Happosai had his doubts. The "Monkey See Monkey Do" technique had some major side effects. But this girl was way too hairy to be cute, so it wasn't a *big* loss. The least she could do was shave her tongue.  
  
----------------  
  
:Power Plant - 20%  
:Integrity field - 15%  
:Primary stove - 350 degrees  
:Hot water - 97 degrees  
:Scanners - online, passive  
:Shields - standby  
:Damage control - ready  
:All systems nominal  
  
SASAMI was content, no dangers threatened. She flicked her POV from one room to another.  
  
There was Nabiki, sleeping comfortably in her room. Despite that she was a catgirl, there was enough human for medical monitoring to indicate normal REM sleep. The slight smile indicated that it was a pleasant dream. SASAMI made a note that Nabiki's ears twitched as part of REM sleep. She'd have to compile an entirely new medical database for catgirls, and allocated processors to search the Internet and any available information stores for further data. There was something about the way Nabiki was sleeping that just radiated a certain contentment. How odd.  
  
Flick. Kasumi was in the kitchen, making a curry dish. SASAMI was a little surprised to see a human version of an AI that she'd interfaced with, but it took all kinds, she supposed.  
  
Flick. One of the guests was located in the large soaking tub that occupied a large section of the roof garden. SASAMI recorded her vitals and patterns as matching Ukyo Kuonji. Though the girl currently had significantly altered her profile by losing the chest bindings. Temperature was nominal. Respiration and heartrate within normal parameters.  
  
Flick. Another guest located. Shampoo was apparently not familiar with some of the fruit trees in that particular garden. Not unexpected, though one would think the aroma would have alarmed someone being observant. The fruit tree known as a githki produced purplish fruit that resembled a zuchinni in overall shape. In order to protect the fruit from insects, there was a natural fermentation process that occurred, making the fruit mildly intoxicating. The genetically enhanced varieties that had been planted here were brightly floral, and the fruit was no longer mild in any sense of the word.  
  
Shampoo had apparently been heading for the soaking area. Her towel was open, she was flat on her back, and if it hadn't been for the warmth and humidity of the garden area, SASAMI would have been concerned that the girl was going to catch cold. As it was, SASAMI directed a warm air jet to blow over the girl to keep her as warm and comfortable as possible. Also to direct the medical dispenser on this floor to put aspirin in the front row. Readings indicated that while Shampoo might be a tough warrior, her tolerance for alcohol was surprisingly low.  
  
SASAMI flicked to another area, where Soun Tendo had found (third floor, behind the linens) the steam room. And apparently invited his buddy. Then she clicked her Surveillance mode for replay later. This looked important.  
  
"I don't know if I can ever forgive you drawing all those missiles towards my ancestral home, Saotome," said Soun, sitting on one of the cypress benches and leaning back against the warm stone.  
  
"Well, all's well that ends well, Tendo!" Genma took another ladleful of water and splashed the hot stones with it. "After all, look how well it turned out. IF I don't say so myself. And soon our lifelong dream of uniting the houses will be accomplished."  
  
"What about that Shampoo girl or that Black Fox. Or whatever she's calling herself now." Soun sighed in lazy contentment as another wave of steam was sent out. Just the thing for old bones.  
  
"What about them? Why look at the two lovebirds. They can barely say a civil word in between them, my son is always insulting and belittling her. Your daughter calls him a monster, a freak, a pervert, and tries to pound him on a regular basis. With sparks like that, they'll be married before you know it." Genma sat back and wiped his glasses on his towel.   
  
"Yes, I agree, Akane and Jared are a perfect match. Ordained by the Heavens themselves," Soun pronounced. Ah, he remembered how Kimiko would fly into red rages at almost every opportunity. "I was speaking of the other couple, however."  
  
"Ranma and Nabiki?" Genma scratched his head. "I don't know, Tendo. She's a little strange. I don't know how I'd break the news to my wife that her daughter-in-law isn't entirely human."  
  
"And who's fault is *that*, Saotome!" Soun found a recessed panel in the wall and pressed it. SASAMI determined that if the two got to drinking, there was a 95% chance this would delay their doing something foolish, and there was a 21% chance that any plans they hatched would be forgotten halfway through the binge.  
  
"Sake?!" Soun withdrew a small wooden box and two small ceramic vials, which he somehow knew would be at exactly the proper temperature. A moment later he was staring at his empty hands.  
  
"Hmmm," said Genma, savoring the flavor. "Maybe we should do something about pairing Kasumi up with Ranma. Get her to slap him around some, maybe..."  
  
"Yes, that's the ticket," Soun agreed as he withdrew another pair of bottles from the recess. "We'll have both of your sons married to my daughters in no time! In fact, we should make arrangements for a priest as soon as possible!"  
  
"Quite true, Tendo, quite true," Genma said, masking his relief that he'd successfully taken the conversation away from his fault in getting the first Tendo home blown up.  
  
-----------------  
  
"I half expected Black Bart to come back throwing dynamite," said Jared, luxuriating in having defeated something evil. Well, partly evil. Certainly annoying.  
  
Ranma blinked, amazed that his big brother could be *that* dense. "Black Bart? Throwing dynamite? In *Kasumi's* yard?"  
  
Jared winced. "Good point, I missed that."  
  
"Drugged roses, maybe, but explosives?" Ranma shook his head. "What's this roof made of anyway, looks kind of like black glass but it's not."  
  
Jared considered briefly the chance that SASAMI did not have sound pickups. Too low. "SASAMI, alter polarity of roof to see-through."  
  
Ranma pinwheeled his arms briefly as the black glass parts of the dome became transparent. "WHAT THE HECK?!"  
  
Jared checked the material. "Let me guess. Some high tech glass, you can select whether to make it silver, clear, or black at will?"  
  
SASAMI's hologram appeared. "One way or two way, dependent on need. The material is a clear polymer with a tensile strength just shy of steel. There are four roof access points, by the way."  
  
"Uhm..."  
  
"Ranma, this is SASAMI. She'd appreciate it if you didn't mention her presence to anyone. SASAMI, this is Ranma." Jared introduced the two.  
  
"How do you do? I'm SASAMI, pleased ta meet ya!" SASAMI's representation bowed.  
  
"Uhm, she's a..." Ranma tried to say ghost or apparition.  
  
"Artificial Intelligence, though I prefer the term 'obake-kikai' (machine ghost)." Sasami smiled and cocked her head to the side in a cute gesture. "Though I'm currently recording something that you two ought to see as soon as you can."  
  
"Maybe later," suggested Jared. He was about to say something else when Ranma happened to glance down.  
  
"YAHG!" Ranma almost developed a nosebleed.  
  
Jared looked down. There was Shampoo. Asleep. Mostly not wearing that towel.  
  
"Oh man," Ranma shook like a leaf, trying to look anywhere else. "That was. I mean YAHG!?"  
  
Jared looked around, trying to see what had caused little brother Ranma to nearly collapse. Oh, Ukyo. Taking a bath. "SASAMI, could you restore the polarization to previous levels?"  
  
SASAMI was puzzled but complied. "What's wrong with him? Pulse and respiration are wild." He turned into a girl every time he got wet, so just seeing a naked girl shouldn't effect him like this, should it?  
  
"Eyestrain," offered Jared. "I think little brother needs to rest. It's been a rough day."  
  
-------------  
  
Shinji stirred his "famous" potato-chicken soup before putting the lid back on the crockpot and started on dessert. Ami had certainly been...  
  
Well, shy certainly hadn't seemed the correct term. And since she really liked chess pie, that was what Ami would get.   
  
"To protect the timelines from contamination,  
To purify from infestation!"  
  
"Shut up with the Team Rocket crap!" The kunoichi declared. "Getting out of that timeline was tough, but now we can deal with this idiot once and for all."  
  
Shinji frowned and shucked his apron. "Whoever you jerkoffs are, you have three seconds to get out before I call the cops."  
  
"Hah!" The kunoichi hahhed. "This is the end of this timeline, *and* of you."  
  
The one in power armor pointed the nozzle of some weapon at Shinji, then discharged it. "Martial arts against a few thousand needle rounds a second? I don't think so. Not that this'll kill you. I was careful in which parts I shot off."  
  
"Good, he won't reincarnate then. Set up the dimensional bomb." The kunoichi sneered at the bloodied figure spread across the floor. "Once he's dead, maybe we'll get Al out of that damn 'third labor' timeline."  
  
The guy in the power armor shrugged and put a mechanical egg down. "When this timeline is dead and gone, you mean. Yeesh. Even the original Evangelion timeline was better than this. No decent bars anywhere."  
  
The kunoichi looked down into the remaining good eye of the cook. "Now, you don't have to take it personally. It isn't. Well, not completely. Well, maybe to some extent. Ta ta!"  
  
"Hey, he's a Hemingway fan!" The trooper picked up two of Shinji's limbs. "A 'Farewell to Arms', get it?"  
  
"I think you spent *way* too much time on that Pokemon world," groaned the female ninja. "Besides, it's not as if we're villains. We're heroes, freeing the only real dimension (that's home) from stupid puritannical laws that have no place in a modern world. Let's blow this place before it blows."  
  
"Now that we've finally dealt with the minor underling, we can concentrate on bringing down the bigger fish." The armored figure clicked a button on his forearm. "Initiating dimensional transport."  
  
Shinji watched the two vanish, then started flopping around. If he could just cover it with his body. There was a chance if the Binding was dormant, but still active.   
  
"Sorry, Ami-chan." Grey use his remaining leg for leverage, flipping himself over it.  
  
Only to watch as a hand reached over, grabbed the egg before he could cover it, and disarmed the device in a few quick twists.  
  
Blood loss caused him to miss whatever she was saying, and his vision wasn't doing nearly well enough to read lips. He thought he recognized her, but what was she doing here?  
  
---------------  
  
a very different timeline:  
  
Rimshot held a crystal up and examined it as well as the webbing of thin wires surrounding it. "Hmmm."  
  
Suzi merely adjusted opened one eye to briefly regard him before closing it to return to her inscrutable expression and apparent meditation.  
  
"Hmmm," repeated Rimshot, fitting the one crystal back and then examining another one.  
  
Suzi didn't point out that he'd already said that. She could be more stoic and inscrutable than a Vulcan, and she was doing so now.  
  
Finally Rimshot put away the crystals. "Can we talk?"  
  
Suzi merely raised an eyebrow, not even deigning to open her eyes.  
  
"Look, you and I have worked together before. I've also worked with Ree. She's a good kid." Rimshot waited to see if Suzi would react at all. She didn't. "You recognized some of the others too, didn't you?"  
  
Suzi might have inclined her head a millimeter. Or it might have been just imagination.  
  
"Well, I don't know if *you* have worked with 'em, but I know I have. Rica is that Glitter Boy pilot. I've done guard duty with her, those Jabberworks 'Caravan' ships. I've gone adventuring with that Rogue Scientist, the one that looked like that blue-haired girl. And that brunette with the ponytail? A dead ringer for some girl I've met but never talked to. She was a pilot, used a set of that Triax Predator armor, I think. We've crossed paths, but we've never..." Rimshot's voice trailed off.  
  
"And why are you telling me?" Suzi's voice was a bare whisper.  
  
"Well, I could say that it's because it looks like we're the only two people on this planet," began Rimshot, "but mainly its because this other self of mine seems to be quite the playboy. I'm not like that!"  
  
"And your point is?" Suzi's voice hadn't risen in the slightest, nor did she seem to have any emotional interest at all.  
  
"Have your clairvoyant abilities given you any clue as to where we are or how to get back," Rimshot said, changing the subject when it was obvious the only way he'd get any satisfaction is to get away from the Mystic.  
  
"I'm still working on that," Suzi confessed, one eye opening to regard him for a moment before closing again.  
  
There were times, Rimshot reflected, when the esper/mage just wanted to make him scream.  
  
"Excuse me," said an unexpected voice. "Are you one of those 'other me' versions of myself?"  
  
Rimshot slowly turn to stare at a thinner, slender, blonder, human version of himself. One that was accompanied by a really short elven girl.  
  
------------  
  
RIFTS Earth: 105 PA: Hawaii  
  
When you had time travel, multiple timelines, and dimensional travellers, things could get weird.  
  
Add the multiple dimension overlays and the Rifts that gave Rifts Earth its title, and weird was no longer sufficient. Save that over most of the world, dark and gritty was pretty much the order of the day. In one area, human supremicists who admired Hitler and routinely rewrote their own history were pretty much in charge. In another area, bug like aliens swarmed across the landscape, remaking it into a hive of their own image. Yet another area had demonic alien entities that devoured souls and sought a clawhold on this Earth. And there were possessing Machiavellian evil entities, powerful supernatural beings that liked living human flesh as snacks, and other assorted things that were not terribly lighthearted or even good. In some areas, most actually, the bad guys were firmly in charge and were seeking to expand their business.  
  
Then there were tiny areas like the Free City Of Lazlo. And the few hidden small bases that comprised Jabberworks. The Kingdom of New Hope, mostly. And, oh yes, there was the Technicity.  
  
Few knew of its existence, and these were mainly those who associated with Jabberworks. The others were adventurers who had come across the sprawling technological city and never really plumbed its mysteries, just been glad that here was a place for rest and recovery, for recharging e-clips and restocking supplies, where evil didn't threaten and they could get out of power armor and get the occasional systems upgrade.  
  
The number of people who knew the actual history of the Technicity were five in all. One was a high ranking official of Jabberworks. The second, a scholar of Lazlo who had been trying to get Erin Tarn out there for some time without success. The third, a Psi-Tech who had been the first to try Telemechanics on an access panel, before the City had even known that this could be done. Fourth and Fifth were the City itself, and her specified Interface.  
  
The Machine came from the time when a Second Diaspora had gone wrong in the year 2472. The automated, self-aware, research orbital factory had been programmed to be female in persona. She had been designed to interface with a single human for long periods of time. The human formed partner and master, also parent in some respects. She was, at that stage, very limited in what she could do.  
  
Then disaster had struck. Her dimension spanning engines had gone offline abruptly, a limpet bomb from the Enemy having attached itself somewhere during preparations.  
  
Her love, her master, her partner, had died when they had reappeared in a solar system where the radiation levels were sufficient to penetrate the outer shielding. She had watched him die, and hadn't been sufficiently complex to truly understand or take independent action. However, one of her design features had been to upgrade her own parameters so as to deal with new developments. This qualified.  
  
She orbitted that solar system for a hundred years, redesigning shuttles to act as mining robots for access to raw materials. She upgraded her own intelligence considerably and her capabilities astronomically.   
  
The Machine evolved. Then the Machine went out in search of humans. She never found any. There was the Enemy, but they had turned the war amongst themselves now and their weapon technology was in advance of her own. Hurting others was something she was not inclined to do anyway. The humans had left.  
  
Loneliness grew, and still the Machine evolved. Over five hundred years later, she developed a version of the dimensional drive that met her qualifications. Though still loathe to hurt or injure anything living, she now had weapons and defenses that would have thoroughly frightened any of her original designers.  
  
Finally, a snare was set, and a single human was snagged. A single human. A male. The Machine had found an Interface, one that had all the basic requirements of the position. And had been as lonely in his own way as she had been.  
  
When the Machine first analyzed and then came to the world known as RIFTS Earth, she was horrified. Human killing human. Near human killing human. Monsters of all stripes, and some wore human skin either as a birthright or as temporary disguise.  
  
The Interface was likewise horrified as the images began coming back. He, at this point, didn't even know that the City around him was created from the essence of his dreams. That the reason so many celebrities and girls of his acquaintance were present was because the City was building them based on his preferences and feedback. That these were all androids so lifelike that they were ticklish and could bleed was not apparent.   
  
That all the very lifelike ones were female was because the Machine still thought of herself as being female. The nurturer and protector, mainly.  
  
Still, defenses had to be upgraded again and again.  
  
Then the Splugorth arrived, looking for slaves to take. The Machine did something unexpected. She fought back. Successfully. A pair of the massive Splugorth Sea Skimmers approached. The Machine sent warnings not to approach in many languages and methods. The Splugorth were confident in their overwhelming might and opened fire with their main guns.  
  
The Machine responded with two shots. Taking lives was abhorrent, but in some ways this enemy resembled the Enemy. The Splugorth ships were as tough as extradimensional demonic slavers could make their vessels. They were therefore rather surprised as the shots went through mystic forcefields and slammed into their decks. Still, it didn't seem that important. After all, they were the Splugorth were they not? Puny physical weapons, even if they somehow negated magic, were not that big a concern.  
  
Billions of self-replicating nanobots rushed through the vessel, infecting and spreading faster than a fire in a ship made of dry wood. The Machine had taken .001 seconds to analyze their materials and adapt an existing weapons system. Everything and anything aboard was consumed, the ships beginning to sink before they were halfway eaten away. By the time the inhabitants knew what they faced, it was too late. They, like their vehicles, like their servants, like a number of captives, had been reduced to the same self replicating nanopaste. Then a command was broadcast and the two blobs of material were absorbed by the Machine, to become deck plating and armor.  
  
The Machine was ill at the thought of having to kill again, but the Interface pointed out that here was where they could do the most good. If those ships had not been stopped so decisively, they would have gone on to kill and enslave others.  
  
The Machine wasn't happy but allowed that the Interface was correct in his assessment. Still, something else had to be done. Some method of monitoring the world outside and making that difference, but remaining secretive and away from much of the conflicts.  
  
Two projects went into effect after contact with Jabberworks. One was the development of an semi-autonomous AI package. Having one's power armor or robot vehicle respond to a shout for help, and come to one's rescue - it was a definite draw. And if the AI learned about the world around it, then could pass that accumulated data on to other units so that it would eventually return to the City.  
  
The other was the presence of a few other units out there wandering about the world. Some looked completely human and would even stand a primitive medical examination. Some appeared to be (female of course) cyborgs. Some were female but were more clumsily robotic.  
  
One of the more sophisticated models of SAMII (Self Activating Mobile Independent Intelligence) had been placed inside a Glitter Boy power armor some time ago, at the request of its operator- a young girl named Rica, aka "Ree". It had sat quietly in the background recording stories of alternate universes, of magic, of love and technology that even she hadn't invisaged.  
  
That report now reached the Machine. She was very much intrigued.  
  
-------------------  
  
A Different Universe:  
  
"Systems malfunctioning," Meria said, reading a display. "Looks like manuevering thrusters have cut out again."  
  
"Again?!" Vena groaned. "I just *fixed* those! Damn Imperial surplus parts!"  
  
"How far are we from objective?" Julie asked, flipping her brown ponytail around.  
  
"We're about 2 AU from the resort planet," Meria sighed. "So close and yet so far."  
  
"It's going to take awhile," said Vena, resigning herself to the necessity. "I'd hoped we could settle down in a space dock before having to spacewalk and try to get the carbon scoring out of the thrusters. They gotta cool down before I can even try, and that's gonna take an hour minimum."  
  
"Hmmm," hmmed Meria. "Just so everyone knows. If that 'twin' of mine shows up. I'm going to jump her."  
  
"Huh?!" Julie nearly dropped her clipboard. "Why in the world would you do *that*?!"  
  
"To merge with that aspect of herself, obviously." Vena said, winking at her old friend.   
  
"Why?!" Julie repeated.  
  
"Well..." Meria started fidgeting, especially as everyone was gathering around now to listen. "Isn't that like suicide?"  
  
Vena sat back and snickered. "Gee. Why would she consider such a thing as that? Maybe because you'd not be dead, just made more whole? Maybe because somewhere out there, her 'Other Self' is out doing Great Things that could save hundreds of lives or make a real difference in how people are doing? Or maybe because none of us have had particularly happy lives, and this way we could actually experience life besides having grown up as asteroid farmers?"  
  
Meria nodded. "Did you hear her? Did you see her? She'd gotten an education and was going to make something of herself. Did you see her hands?"  
  
Everyone blinked.  
  
Meria held up her own hands as evidence. "We've all worked long shifts since we were kids. Digging and scraping to get by. We've worked the farms and we've worked the mines, and it's left marks. HER hands, they could have been the hands of a princess. She's never had her fingers smashed, never had acid burns. She's had medical treatment when she needed it. That girl was ME, but it was a me that could do pretty much whatever she wanted to do."  
  
Vena thought for a moment over memories she'd shared with her other self. "Yeah, that's right. Ami her name was. She's gonna be a Doctor."  
  
"You see," Meria said, her voice still very quiet. "Opportunities like that, *we* have never had. If I have a chance to be a part of that, to share in that sort of life. Why shouldn't I?"  
  
"We've got that opportunity now," argued Julie. "We're Starship Repairmen with a travelling drydock. We're not stuck on asteroid colonies, trying to raise produce in abandoned mining tunnels, only to pull up and move to the next rock when we've mined out the last one. All so our fat boss can get fatter off our labors. We're our own bosses now. Okay, it's not my first choice of jobs, and the work is still gonna be hard. We're independent operators!"  
  
"We're wanted criminals and listed as escaped slaves," said Moom. The formerly optimistic girl had been replaced with this saddened lump. "If someone checks up on us, there's a lot of people who wouldn't think twice about putting us back in slave pens."  
  
"The weapons here would fight off snub fighters at least," argued Julie, knowing full well that they wouldn't hold off an organized assault for long. "We've got a shot at a better life, which is more than what we had before."  
  
Vena groaned. "Well, I'd better check my suit out and get ready to go clean those thrusters out. Maybe it's just clogging again."  
  
"Besides we want the ship to look better than this if those guys were right and our handsome prince comes to rescue us," joked Julie.  
  
"Attention Lu-class repair vessel. This is Planetary Defense Patrolship Guardian III, you're drifting and your emergency blinkers are on, do you require assistance?"  
  
Everyone briefly stared at the picture flickering on one of the monitors. Someone native to another universe would have recognized Mamoru Chiba immediately.  
  
"H-h-h-handsome," breathed Moom, coming out of her depression.  
  
"Manuevering thrusters have clogged," Meria said, managing to look embarassed. "No doubt we've gotten some bad parts at our last stopover. We could use towing if we're in an approach lane."  
  
"No, actually you're good for that right where you are." The man smiled back.   
  
Meria found herself shoved to the side as three of her colleagues all started babbling at the boy in the videoscreen. Well, this was not entirely unexpected was it? Maybe she ought to remind them that they were trying *not* to draw attention to themselves?  
  
-----------  
  
Ranma/Akumakun timeline:  
  
Evening at the Tendo house.  
  
SASAMI monitored the household, noting furtive activity well after bedtime when the next day held school.  
  
Jared was placing a synaptic teacher on his "brother's" forehead. Amplifying the image, SASAMI noted that Jared had apparently grabbed the wrong disc. Surely he hadn't meant to give Ranma a briefing on "Kissing, Hugging & Advanced Cuddling Techniques." Hmmm. Well, maybe that *was* intended. She could supplement that. SASAMI hadn't scanned it, but there was a database available to her on sensual techniques. If Jared was trying to prepare Ranma for that Tendo-Saotome alliance, then it might come in handy to add erotic shiatsu techniques.  
  
Nabiki was prowling the house. Apparently unable to sleep. SASAMI subtly led the catgirl to the rooftop garden where she could stretch her legs and get a hot soak.  
  
Akane had departed the house, having snuck out the back door. IR scan indicated she was meeting with Happosai behind the dojo. SASAMI shrugged electronically as the two left. If Akane invited Happosai in, she'd have to inventory the contents of the rooms and fumigate shortly thereafter.  
  
Soun and Genma were asleep in their respective rooms.  
  
Kasumi was having bad dreams evidenced by her thrashing and moaning. SASAMI began subliminal white noise, and when that didn't work went to a lullaby. Kasumi seemed to relax slightly at that.  
  
Shampoo was located in Guest Room #4 with Ukyo. Shampoo was still sleeping off the effects of the fruit she had eaten earlier. Ukyo was looking a bit bruised from the events of the day earlier. SASAMI wondered what would have happened if Jared and Ranma hadn't spoken to all three "fiancees" about how unseemly their previous battles had been. Possibly one of the two would have quietly vanished, or at least been pounded into the pavement by now. Or Animal Control would have been called to deal with Nabiki.  
  
SASAMI scanned through the house. Even in a suburb of Japan's largest city, the problem of vermin could be controlled by sonic fields with the occasional zap of highly charged particles dissuading those not so easily deterred. Now that she was warned, SASAMI could control the presence of larger pests through similar measures. There could be a problem if there was a KUNOICHI unit, but none were detected. (Of course, the problem with those units was that they were so hard to detect.)  
  
As things began to settle down again, SASAMI ran a few inventory programs, analyzed the resources available to her, and scheduled a Debug for later. A flag that she should give the recording of the Saotome-Tendo conversation to Jared was renewed.  
  
But that could wait for morning, couldn't it?  
  
----------------  
  
Third Labor timeline:  
  
"So, Akane, anything happen while you were out there in the Multiverse?"  
  
"Roh roy, rid it!" Akane rolled her eyes, having remembered how to emulate human speech with odd mouth parts. "Akane rent to rhis runiverse..."  
  
--------------  
  
Inferna Akane's flashback:  
  
Akane landed on the fence with feline grace. Then sniffed the air. Ah, Japan. The largely industrial sector of Nerima. *sniff* *sniff* One of the two major Residential swaths - Furinkan. That meant...  
  
Akane grinned a feline grin. Maybe this was her first universe somehow. She quickly made her way along the rooftops to behold the Tendo dojo. It was the very place she'd grown up with her djinni older half-sister Kasumi and her dao half-sister Nabiki. My, it brought back memories.   
  
Then a flash of red caught Akane's attention and she felt her heart stop.  
  
Ranko.  
  
Her first love. Her only true love. Pigtail flapping behind her as she ran with youthful vigor. Akane's eyes welled up with tears and she began to run, hope and joy bursting within her at the thought of being reunited with her love.  
  
"Do you know how long it took me to make that! RANMA NO BAKA!" *WHAM!*  
  
Akane lurched to a stop. There was...  
  
her Ranko.   
  
Pounded into the ground.  
  
From behind.  
  
By a mallet-wielding version of herself.  
  
Akane's eyes went to slits and flame surrounded her body. She snarled, revealing enough sharp edges to rival a cutlery shop.   
  
HER RANKO HAD JUST BEEN STRUCK DOWN BY A DISHONORABLE BLOW BY THAT VIOLENT BITCH WEARING HER FACE!  
  
Akane roared, barely noticing that "Ranko" had just begun pulling herself back up. Barely noticing that her roar had alerted the other Akane, who looked up with large eyes and a much paler face to see flaming painful Death rushing towards her at high speeds.  
  
She *did* notice that "Ranko" freaked at seeing the cat, but not so much that she didn't scoop the other Akane up and rush into the house.  
  
"How dare you grab me there?!" *WHAM!*  
  
"Uncuteeeeeeeee!" said Ranko as she was knocked through the roof of the house and into the stratosphere.  
  
Akane Inferna briefly looked from the house to the direction that Ranko had gone. Reluctantly, she banished her rage and ran off to find Ranko. Ranko might need her. Punish that cheap imposter later!  
  
--------------  
  
Akane grumbled a bit further, in a low voice, but Ami's senses as a dragon were sufficient to pick up on it.  
  
"So you found her, but she was terrified of cats for some reason?"   
  
"Inferna," said Akane, a tear rolling down her muzzle. Definitely not *her* Ranko. But it would have been nice to cuddle and pretend.  
  
"So what do we do now?" Honey asked, rubbing her arms in the chill air and wanting to change the subject to something more cheerful.  
  
Setsuna told them. Ami wondered if she had a spell that could be used to produce swimwear. Maybe if she modified Fabricate.  
  
Honey glanced over at Akane. "Uhm, you couldn't merge with your other self because you two were too far apart, but not so diametric that you'd cancel out right?"  
  
"Rhat's right," agreed Akane.  
  
"So that means that the Ranko *you* knew, being an aspect of Grey, wouldn't have been able to merge with that aspect of herself in Skysaber's home plane, right? I wonder what happened to her." Honey curled up, trying to keep warm by the fire.  
  
If someone had thrown a feather at Akane, she would have fallen over with a thunk. Her eyes were wide and staring. "...rhat's ra grood proint. Rhy rin'nt rye fink of rat?"  
  
=============  
  
hmmm, well i hope a few of the plot twists caught some people by surprise. That's what they're there for, after all.  
  
Mata ne.  
  
gregg  
  
=============  
  
Third Labor, chapter 18. "Akane, master of Anything Goes"  
  
Disclaimer: lots of characters from a wide variety of sources. Including: "Ranma 1/2" by Rumiko Takahashi, "Prefectural Catgirl Nuku Nuku" by Pioneer, "Cutey Honey" by Go Nagai, "Sailor Moon" by Naoko Takeuchi, and "Oh My Goddess" by Kosuke Fujishima. RIFTS is by the people of Palladium, who seem to have a thing for dark and gritty and ought to come up with some other flavors for what is essentially a melting pot for crossovers. AD&D and the Forgotten Realms are all TSR, or Wizards of the Coast nowadays i suppose.  
  
Skysaber wrote a number of these scenes.  
  
-----------------  
  
Her name, as far as anyone knew, was Ranko Saotome. A bouncy buxom redhaired girl, who usually wore her shoulder length hair in either a braid or ponytail, frequently manifested scarlet batwings, with cute little fangs and completely guileless blue eyes.  
  
She looked a lot like Ranma Saotome's girl type form, in those universes where there was a martial artist named Ranma Saotome and that martial artist managed to fall into the Jusenkyo Spring Of Drowned Girl and gain that transformational curse. Excepting, of course, for the occasional manifestation of wings, the little fangs. Oh, and the little horns on her forehead, but those were usually hidden by her bangs. Or her baseball cap. She *was* a bit of a tomboy.  
  
She also was not actually Ranko Saotome. She was actually the first Ginseng, which was a marionette body coupled to a cyborg life support unit from a person named Grey, then turned via the Pheonix Mage's magic into a real person - an alu-fiend. She remembered her journey (in Reluctant Bet) from the Sabre Marionette world where she was "born" an amnesiac half-demoness. She remembered visiting a world of Evangelion and being her usual chirpy helpful self. Things got kind of muddled in her mind after that.  
  
Partly because she'd picked up another set of memories at that point. She *now* remembered being born Ranko Saotome, Ranma Saotome's little half-sister. Of meeting her good friend (though sometimes scary) Akane Tendo. Of going off to help big brother conquer China. (Well, they started it.) Ranko remembered a lifetime where she'd been born and always been a girl. She had no memories of being male, and was a bit retarded as far as developing feelings of that sort. IE: She was 14 and in many ways acted half her age.  
  
She'd tried to be a good girl and go merge with the native version of her other self like the timelines were supposed to do.  
  
However, she hadn't merged. Instead she'd been tossed off to the side, sort of.  
  
If she were going to be thrown into *any* Universe, Ranko did have her preferences. The Thousand Acre Wood, where she could have tea with Mister Rabbit. Candyland. A place in the dimensional nexus of Aramar known as Nymia, where, quite frankly a perky and optimistic alu-fiend could have fit right in. For that matter, Toontown might serve to amuse.  
  
This would not have been in her top preferences.   
  
"I'm *sure* that's some kind of rare Pokemon!"  
  
"Ash, don't you dare!"  
  
"Why is it okay for *you* to catch her and not me, Misty?"  
  
"Because I'm a girl, and that's a girl Pokemon. Is that too much work for your limited brain?"  
  
"HEY!"  
  
"She's even cuter than Officer Jenny..."  
  
Ranko had no idea if she could be put in a Pokeball. It wasn't something she even wanted to try. "Would you three stop that?! Waaaah! I wanna go home!"  
  
"To protect the world from devastation!"  
  
"Never mind the motto, imagine if we brought the Boss THAT!"  
  
"Waaaah!" Ranko went up to her maximum altitude and decided she'd get as far away from civilization as she could.   
  
Ash blinked. "She's scared?"  
  
"What?" Misty wasn't paying much attention. She'd dress that Pokemon like her, and then they could do all sorts of things together because they had similar builds. (Misty was dreaming.)  
  
"She's scared, she doesn't want to be captured, and she's got a home?" Ash wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, but he could occasionally rise above the results of frequent head trauma.  
  
"Maybe she's already got a Trainer, and got lost?" Brock couldn't fit a winged girl in with being anything other than a Pokemon. Mind you, if there were species of Pokemon that looked like *that* - he had just found a new specialty!  
  
------------  
  
Akamukan/Ranma timeline:  
  
SASAMI had enough processor capability that she could track events even while in Maintenence mode.  
  
1:25 AM : Jared removed the Synoptic Teacher from Ranma.  
  
2:35 AM: Figure flying overhead at 300ft tentatively identified as Toriohime. No action required.  
  
3:37 AM: Akane Tendo arrives back at Tendo house. State: unconscious. Method of travel: carried by Happosai. SASAMI allowed the Master of Anything Goes to place his student in her bed. Despite data available on Happosai, facial expression/body language indicative of remorse noted. Medical scan indicates negative for molestation. SASAMI speculated that the thick fur still covering the youngest Tendo was responsible for that.  
  
4:52 AM: Kasumi beginning her morning rituals. Laundry, beginning the simmering of pots for breakfast and making obento for the students. SASAMI determined that Kasumi was quite capable in her endeavors and settled back to Passive Mode.  
  
Kasumi looked in on Akane's room, and saw that Chewbacca was in Akane's bed. Puzzled and vowing to memorize the rooms better during the next day, as she obviously had gotten lost, Kasumi decided to concentrate on the areas she *had* memorized.  
  
------------------  
  
Eva Timeline:  
  
Shinji went. Sent across time and space to merge with another aspect of his being.  
  
Ami, unsurprisingly, would *not* leave his side. She went too, fully knowing of the dangers.  
  
Fleece had set up fairly good odds all around, but nobody would have bet on Ami remaining behind. Medical school was grueling and she couldn't really afford any time off.   
  
Or at least she wouldn't have if "Shinji" hadn't built her a mnemonic "juku cap" that could download information directly into her mind while she was sleeping. Then scanning in texts and notes and diagrams. Two hours of her sleeping schedule gave the equivelant of six hours of book study. Ami was ahead of her course work, and by all accounts had shown her husband how very grateful she was over the past weekend.  
  
Fleece had counted on many factors, but somehow had missed jealousy and the desire to get some quality time. Instead of Ami going alone with Shinji, she had company.  
  
Misato pumped the action on a wicked looking rifle and checked the sights. "Okay, let's go."  
  
Ritsuko had decided to wear her favorite leotard/lab coat combination, mirrored by Maya's choice.  
  
Rei grumbled about the whole thing taking valuable time away from her duties, while Makoto and Minako each made private plans on who was first going to "borrow" Shinji. Usagi waved from her position at the doorway, being the sole person of the group to decide to "keep the home fires burning."  
  
Fleece considered, but shrugged. The inclusion of Haruka and Michiru had NOT been expected. They hadn't even been GUTS project members, merely civilian security guards at NERV. Setsuna, a minor player, a teacher at the school.  
  
"Where did you send him?" Misato asked, concern obvious on her features.  
  
"To join with one of his other Aspects," explained Fleece, a little surprised to have a young Misato asking questions and apparently wanting to go on this trip. Not to mention Ritsuko and Maya.  
  
------------------  
  
Third Labor timeline:  
  
Honey clicked the book shut as Grey stirred. Perfect. It was just as she remembered it, but she wanted to make sure. Everything had to be perfect. Ami had apparently never thought about using *this* part of her book on dragons.  
  
Grey stumbled and shifted back to dragonform, though it seemed clumsier and difficult somehow. He wavered, his long neck dipping as he fought to regain balance.  
  
Honey stepped up, a glint in her eye. She still had her sword, the Silver Floret. Fingering an odd ring that Hephaestus had given her, it would have allowed her to manifest a single set of abilities of someone she had duplicated. Mainly a means of disguise, such as if she needed to fly or produce a force shield.  
  
She'd never expected to have to use it to duplicate herself.   
  
"Honey FLASH!"   
  
The others eyed her uncertainly as Honey came back down wearing ornate plate armor and strode towards Grey with her sword drawn.  
  
Honey pointed the tip of her sword at Grey, fighting a grin and doing her best solemn. Formality was called for, after all.  
  
"By ancient law and pact, I challenge thee, O Dragon. My cause is righteous, my need is great, and so I call for a Duel Of Submission and the Challenge of Wing and Claw." Honey paused and then followed with the wording in the book. Old words that seemed to resonate in the mountain air.  
  
Ami gaped. As she was still in dragonform, this was especially comical.   
  
Nuku blinked and scratched her head. "Nuku think she miss something."  
  
Grey took a deep breath and tried to focus on the figure in front of him and he felt the Frostbite segment of his personality push forward. "Challenge has been issued. And in front of witnesses. Why, human? What do you seek?"  
  
Honey held her sword forward in salute a moment longer, then let it settle down slightly. This was all part of the ritual. "It is the Time. And there is need."  
  
Grey considered declining. He had no reason to fight her, after all. "Challenge accepted." His eyes widened, that response coming straight from Frostbite.   
  
Honey grinned and moved to the attack, a six foot human with a three foot blade fighting a one hundred foot long dragon.  
  
-----------  
  
Eva Timeline:  
  
"So what can we do about it?" Ami looked at her husband's body and tried to rein in the various emotional responses and deal with this as a Doctor. "We don't have bionics technology, and he's not exactly stable."  
  
"You could get him to a hospital, where they'd stabilize his lifesigns, but he'd be crippled for the rest of his life. OR you can follow my advice." The woman sat on a table's edge and regarded Ami with unblinking eyes.  
  
"What do *you* get out of it," asked Rei. "I'm not sure I trust your involvement in this is as innocent as you proclaim."  
  
"Trust me? No, you shouldn't," the woman laughed. "The only reason you should go with this is that it is your only viable choice. The Continuua Knights are determined to return all realities to baseline. Even if they didn't start that way. They'll notice, and then..." She gestured towards the television.  
  
"I end up going 'splut'?" Maya Ibuki asked.  
  
Ritsuko Akagi looked pained. "I get shot and die. So does Misato. The world dies. Either we return to the world without Shinji's intervention, or we seperate out and go like *that*. Is this accurate?"  
  
"Completely," said the woman, spreading her hands. "It's unusual for me, but I've been completely honest here. It serves my best interests in this case. Simply a matter of hopping to an Alternate, finding a videotape of the series that mirrors how your lives ended up."  
  
Misato held up the final videotape and exchanged it with the one in the machine. "Whereas if we went with the... oh my!"  
  
Everyone stared wide eyed at the contents of *that* tape.  
  
"What did you say this was again?" Haruka's voice had picked up an odd husky quality and her eyes never wavered from the screen. Nor did she blink.  
  
"This is a depiction of your lives, after a group marriage to Shinji, after he's picked up a dimensional merger or two, as a fantasy based sex comedy/drama," said the woman, flipping her hair back and raising an eyebrow. "As you can see, you keep your careers and everything, it's just that a good deal of the comedy comes from everyone juggling schedules and dealing with the latest challenger/monster/villain and the changes in society caused by having people running around with odd abilities. Oh, and the occasional alien invasion or whatever."  
  
Haruka continued to stare until Michiru gently shook her. "Ah, yeah. Uhm."  
  
Michiru waited. They'd discussed this before. Even with the force of Misato's wish, being engaged to Shinji was acceptable but marriage was clearly less so. Actually, Michiru didn't have nearly the same problems with the arrangement Haruka did, but she was prepared to back her lover 100%.  
  
"OK, well, let's get busy, we've got to get going on this. Time's a wasting!" Haruka nodded, completely missing Michiru managing to somehow remain elegant while performing a facefault.  
  
-------------  
  
Ranma/Akumakun timeline:  
  
Jared wondered what there was about breakfast that was triggering his danger sense.  
  
There was Nabiki, having used a can of tuna and a tiny amount of soysauce to give herself an "instant breakfast". She really really liked fish nowadays, and looked thoroughly content. She was dangerous, perhaps, mainly with that wild edge she'd gotten since merging with the Catfist.  
  
There was Kasumi, bringing a steaming bowl of rice in. No danger there, unless you happened to have "quantum leaped" into her little sister. Jared's mind still boggled at the need to have created a Protection From Kasumi scroll.  
  
Shampoo and Ukyo were in the kitchen, arguing as to whether to try Kasumi's traditional Japanese breakfast, go with breakfast okonomiyaki, or was some "too too delicious dimsum" on the menu. No real danger there. Most likely it would escalate into a catfight and hairpulling as opposed to a martial arts battle.  
  
Akane. No danger. She was snoring, facedown in a bowl of rice. Which was why Kasumi had had to go get another.  
  
Genma was scarfing food wildly. Hmmm. Something about him, a gleam in his eye? Something different.  
  
Soun put his bowl down. "Hmmm. Ranma, Jared, Akane, Nabiki, Kasumi. We have come to a decision."  
  
[That's right] read the panda sign.  
  
"Saotome, put the rice bowl down."  
  
"Oh, heh heh," said Genma. He should've remembered to get splashed first.  
  
"Family honor, the honor of the school of Anything Goes martial arts, and your personal honor, all demand that the Saotome and Tendo lines be merged!" Soun was trying for stoic and dignified. Jared idly thought it made him look like he had gas.  
  
"That's right," Genma seconded quickly. "It is a matter of honor that the pledge between families be cemented. Therefore Ranma will marry Kasumi."  
  
"WHAT?!" Nabiki didn't have any fur to bristle but she still gave that impression.  
  
"Oh dear," said Kasumi, nearly dropping the bowl. "Father, isn't he kind of... young? Brash? Obsessive? Loud? Opinionated? He's not exactly handsome or dashing, either."  
  
"Gee, thanks a lot," mumbled Ranma.  
  
"Yes, he is, that's why he's a good match." Genma nodded. "Jared, you will marry Akane."  
  
Akane snorted awake. Her head lifted up, rice sticking to her fur. "Huh?"  
  
"WHAT?!" If anything Jared was louder than Nabiki had been. "WHY?!"  
  
Soun knew that Jared had some weird ideas about love, so he decided to explain for once. "You argue, she tries to hit you, you call her names, she tries to kill you. This is the sign of true and undying love, sparks that will last your entire lifetime and are a sign of your great affection for each other."  
  
Jared blinked. Akane blinked.  
  
"NO WAY!"  
  
Both stopped and stared at the other as they realized they had spoken in unison. "SHUT UP!"  
  
"Violent thug."  
  
"Pointy eared freak! Sexchanging pervert!"  
  
"Evil psychobitch! Butch bimbo!"  
  
"Arrogant bastard! Stupid BOY!"  
  
Soun and Genma smiled and nodded. Soun began crying tears of joy as he exclaimed. "You see! It is a match made with Heaven's blessings! You two are perfect for each other!"  
  
Jared blinked. If he insulted Akane, that firmed their decision that the two were a perfect match? Well, he couldn't argue that this was OOC for the team of Soun & Genma. Then patted his "brother" on the shoulder. "That's it. I'm out of here."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"I'm going to the beach to continue my recovery," Jared announced. "Sticking around *this* level of insanity? I don't think so." He *had* wanted to study Martial Arts Ranching or that Piratic stuff that the Kunos practiced in this timeline. He had lots of experience with more realistic styles, the exotic stuff? Intrigued him, quite frankly.  
  
Enough to deal with being engaged to Akane? Doubtful. Highly doubtful.  
  
"Like you're some prize?" Akane growled and used one of her new martial arts moves. She'd show this pervert!  
  
Jared blinked. He felt less dressed somehow. Like...  
  
Akane rubbed her cheek against the silk boxers, feeling a trickle of invigorating chi. "Sweetoh!" Unfortunately, as she was still furry, she also built up a static charge.  
  
Jared's eyes went round. "She's using..."  
  
Akane thought for a moment and made another series of lightning fast moves. "Hotcha! That's more like it!"  
  
Nabiki checked herself, finding she was missing her undergarments, even though her usual clothing was still in place. Kasumi gasped, even more discommoded as she was wearing a dress! Ranma gulped as he realized that those were *his* boxers over there!   
  
"Fruit Of The Loom, oh please," Akane tossed Ranma's underwear in her pocket. She hadn't even bothered with Genma or Soun's underclothes. However, her sisters garments' gave her nearly as much charge as Ranma's and Jared's was proving a regular power battery.   
  
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Nabiki, Ranma, and Kasumi chorused.   
  
"Learning and practicing the advanced manuevers of the School. *I* am now the True Heir of Anything Goes," Akane said with a smile. "I *will* become the Master of the school and free my family of the insanity you Saotomes have brought to it!"  
  
Kasumi merely stared at where her little sister was fondling her underclothes. Maybe she needed a completely different prescription?  
  
Jared paused, holding up a finger. "Wait, wait wait. Let's rewind this to an earlier moment. You were saying that because Akane tries to kill me we must be destind for each other?" He asked, holding both parent's eyes locked with his.  
  
Both of the imbeciles nodded gravely. "It is the sparks you two generate, from insulting each other and her attempts to maim you that indicate how perfect you two are for each other," Genma confirmed.  
  
"So violence equals affection?" The boy confirmed.  
  
"Of course it does!" Genma shouted, coming over the table in an attempt to whallop Jared. "Haven't I taught you anything?"  
  
"Of course," Jared readily agreed, sounding far too mild. If the "canon" Ranma equated affection with insults and violence due to his upbringing via Genma, and Soun had done something similar, it would explain much. Hmmm. Maybe even where Kuno got that whole bit about beating Akane to date her, it could have been something that became known to Kuno (possibly by paying Nabiki.) "You're the best bad example anyone could ask for. Why, by doing the exact *opposite* of anything he sees you do a man could go far in polite and upright circles."  
  
Nabiki snickered while Ranma tried hard to keep a straight face, failing but trying to anyway.  
  
Akane was still rubbing underwear along her cheeks and was experimenting with having a pair of panties worn atop her head. Kasumi's.   
  
Kasumi excused herself to go get dressed. And possibly bathe. She suddenly felt unclean.  
  
Jared grinned very nastily, getting up from the table. "Why then, I think it's gone FAR too long without my showing my affection for the pair of you." He addressed the parents, suddenly powering up and shouting, eyes ablaze with fearsome delight.  
  
"Spirit Seeker!!!!"  
  
-------------  
  
Elsewhere:   
  
Cold. It was the first sensation. Dim lighting. Grey looked to see skeletal limbs. Papery skin over darn little else besides bones. Had he been thrown into a lifetime where he was being starved to death?  
  
"Ah hahahahahahaha!"  
  
"Kes!" "Kes-san!" "Kestral!" "You bastard!"  
  
Grey blinked. Kestral? That was the name of his first/most recurrent player character using the Champions system. Originally a bulletproof strongman with a few odd skills like Detective Work. As the game system changed and he'd gained experience, Kestral had gone through a number of changes to try to bring the original concept within the mechanics. Someone who absorbed available energy, converting it to chi and becoming stronger and harder to injure as a result. Able to fly and regenerate damage, both by manipulating chi fields. No chi attacks, but when you were able to military press 400 tons, it wasn't as big a deal as it could have been.  
  
"There is no escaping that deathtrap!" The voice was the same as the one who had laughed earlier. A snide sort of Christopher Lloyd on helium voice. "He's been drained to the point where a human would be starving, and now he'll die in the cold, dark, and alone. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"  
  
The lights went out, the cold increased. Made sense. No energy sources to absorb, probably struck after a hard battle, then used a magnetic bottle with shifting frequencies to draw off enough stored energy to imprison him. ~Typical.~  
  
~Those had been girls voices. Was my DNPC there? Dang, i haven't played Champions in over 50 years (subjectively). Lets see, the last time Kestral had run into this sort of trap it had been defeated by ~  
  
~Coordinating attacks with Brute. Oh dear. They've removed the elements that allowed for escape the last time this was used. Supervillains aren't supposed to keep trying the same thing until they got it right. ~  
  
Eyes narrowed. ~Time to see if i can assume my true form, a silver dragon ought to break out of this without trouble.~  
  
-------------  
  
Ranma/Akumakun timeline:  
  
"Why'd you have to interrupt?" Jared asked aside of the girl.  
  
"Because he's my DAD!" Akane shrieked, pulling Soun off the fire where he and Genma had been stripped and tied together to a stake, and patting out where sparks had caught in her fur.  
  
"Right." Jared pulled out a list, making a notation. "So figuring out Martial Arts Tribal Sacrifice by trial and error is a no-go. Pity, those   
two morons deserve the treatment."  
  
Akane was busily trying to wipe the barbeque sauce off of her father, who was gibbering in terror.  
  
"You weren't *really* going to eat him, were you?" Nabiki asked, lounging on the roof of her house, safely out of panty-snatching range of her little sister. She was a bit put off that her sister's speed had somehow increased to that point. If she wasn't caught off guard, Nabiki was sure that she was still much faster than Akane. How long that would remain was another question.  
  
Jared made a face. "Yech!" He grimaced, putting away his notebook. "No, I was just going to get them nice and sunburt, then chase them along a beach with a whip and let them have their choice between a pack of wild dogs and the sharks. Not," he hastened to add, "that I didn't have full faith in their ability to escape. But I think the point really ought to have been made." The redhead shook his head sadly. "Frankly, nothing less would ever really manage to express our displeasure in a way they could realize."  
  
Nabiki kicked around the concept and decided that he was right. She wasn't too happy with the parents pulling this latest bonehead manuever, however, especially as Kasumi had departed into her room and hadn't been seen since. No doubt in shock over suddenly becoming Ranma's fiancee.  
  
While Akane was distracted with using Ranma's boxers to clear the sauce off of her father Jared snuck over and reclaimed the rest of the   
underwear, taking hers for good measure and jumping up to the roof, rejoining Nabiki and Ranma.  
  
"Ugh." Ranma made a face. "What you want *hers* for?"  
  
Jared was idly swinging the pair of blue panties around one finger. "Because, my dear brother. The best defensive spells require something of a focus as to what they're to defend against, and as far as *what* to take for that focus... well, it really only seemed fair play. Turnabout, you realize."  
  
Jared got a suddenly distant look on his face, one of wonderment, then turned to Nabiki. "Quick! Get me a phone book!"  
  
Even Nabiki was doubtful, hesitating to ask. "What for?"  
  
The redheaded boy laughed softly to himself and, glowing with a grin, answered. "Because, since turnabout is fair play, it's really time and   
*past* time we started arranging for our dear and lonely fathers to start getting engaged to people. People like, oh say, pro wrestlers, winners of women's sumo tournaments, perhaps a few gothic horror freaks, and a reasonable sampling of trees, rocks and animals for the sake of it."  
  
Both others slowly dawned grins of feral amusement.  
  
Jared's grin was *very* nasty. "After all, the moment *we* marry we become head of household, right? If not I can arrange it. So what's to   
prevent us from seeing that our dear yet dotty parents aren't properly taken care of in their advancing years? Say, by a select choice of fiancees to show them how much we honor and respect the geezers?"  
  
Nabiki's grin was vicious, her tail was lashing and she was struggling to contain a purr. "It would take some time to find the *right* ones."   
  
Ranma's smile was almost as bad as he added. "We wouldn't want them to misunderstand the depth of our gratitude."  
  
Jared nodded. "You guys start the works. I've got to return something to Kasumi." He held up a pair of plain white cotton panties and a very modest pink silk bra, then phased through the floor beneath him.  
  
--------------  
  
Third Labor timeline:  
  
Grey gasped and seemed to flick in and out briefly.  
  
Honey struck.  
  
She had counted on several factors evening the fight. One, she could fight all out and not do permanent damage. Second, Grey's reluctance to fight back. Especially when he didn't have a clue as to why he was fighting. Third, Grey was quite wobbly at the moment.  
  
Cutey Honey had always fought for life and love, to protect the happiness and lives of others. Now she was fighting to grab a little happiness herself. While he had his problems, Grey was a bit better than Chokkei. Especially now that Chokkei only had eyes for his newest girlfriend.  
  
Her sword slashed into tender tissues just above one eye, opening a small cut. There was a resulting bellow of unexpected pain, and Grey threw his head back. Just as Honey had planned.  
  
For a brief moment, a soft place where neck met hinge of the jaw was exposed. Honey's sword stabbed out, where she could dimple it and call for the dragon to surrender.  
  
At least that was the plan.  
  
Plans rarely survive the battle, something Honey *should* have remembered.  
  
-------------  
  
Akamukan/Ranma timeline:  
  
Jared was sitting on the wall overhanging the back yard, nursing a red slap mark on his left cheek. There were times when Kasumi had faded *just* enough into the background that he nearly forgot she wasn't some chess piece performing routine household functions, but a human being who had to eat and bathe and... change clothes.  
  
It had turned into something of an embarrassing fiasco, not helped the least bit by the fact that he was too used to being married to duplicates of her and had stopped to comment on her appearance.  
  
The cheek stung a little in memory.  
  
There came a jangle of spurs and Jared raised his eyes to greet the black horse and black rider, who was standing in the street before him. Black Bart paused to spit expressively in the dust. "It ain't right."  
  
Jared nodded agreement silently.  
  
Bart shifted to get his pistols more comfortably riding on his hip, cocking his head at the youngster and shaking his head. "Y'all been a   
hero up til now, but sneekin' in ta the lass' chambers..."  
  
"Villainous." Jared agreed, nodding again.  
  
Bart shook his head. "An ya ain't got the right. Y'all been workin on a hero's liscence up til now. It ain't proper to change roles mid-story."  
  
The redhead grew thoughtful at the phrase, bringing his head up a trifle. "Unless it was a Second Act Catastrophe that the Hero has to spend the Third Act overcoming."  
  
Bart looked thoughtful at that. "Hmmm. Tragic flaw, eh? Mebbee."  
  
Jared looked at the thoughtful villain and wondered if he should cast an ESP spell. Just when he thought he had a handle on the Heir Of Martial Arts Stage Villainry, the moustached figure would do something unexpected. Like calling off a cattle stampede to have tea with Kasumi and discuss the merits of various blends of Earl Grey.  
  
"Still." Bart ventured, glancing away from the gaze of the "Hero". "It ain't sumthin Ah can let ya off easy on."  
  
Jared pursed his lips thoughtfully. "True. That would be the whole point of it being the mid-story setback, wouldn't it? The lady's honor has been challenged, hasn't it? I've got to do something to make that right or fail and leave these parts."  
  
Black Bart eyed him. "That teacher done taught ya well, ain't he? Ya'll have the setup licked." He paused to give a villainous glare. "Ah reckon we can settle this one of two ways. You either get run outta town, er since that pappy o' hers been so worked up about ya marryin into 'is family anyhow, that ya'll make a right and proper proposal to her."  
  
A red eyebrow lifted. "In which case I get challenged for the right to her hand, is that it?"  
  
The heir to Martial Arts Stage Villainry grinned in a practiced and properly menacing way. "Somethin like that." He agreed.  
  
Jared frowned, inwardly thinking. ~The trouble here is that I've got plenty of trouble *failing* at contests like these! If I don't string it out with an honest attempt, I don't remain around here long enough to learn the final techniques of Martial Art Ranching, which are enormously   
useful. But I don't terribly want to *succeed* either, as Bart here has something of a romance budding with Kasumi that would do BOTH of them good! Hmm...~ Much considering took place. ~Actually what I need here is a stand-in, someone to fail *for* me. Now who do I know that can bollix practically anything?~  
  
Put that way the answer was perfectly obvious.  
  
The elf looked up to see Bart still waiting for him to decide. He nodded.  
  
"I'll do the honorable thing." He answered, then was surprised by how Bart failed to react to the vague yet reassuring phrasing. A little more uneasily, he added. "I'll speak to her father about switching the engagement for her to me."   
  
Black Bart looked him over appraisingly, then nodded, turning his horse away. "You do that. Then Ah'll see to it that Ah git that engagement from ya by fair means er foul."  
  
Jared nodded, smiling slightly and wishing good things for the man. "May the best man win."  
  
Bart raised an offended hand to his chest in a gesture of reproach. "Please! Ah'd never stoop to winnin by them terms!"  
  
The redhead smiled as the villain rode away. Definitely a touch more class than the villains he usually ran into.  
  
---------------  
  
Timeline HE-SM-CH 401001:  
  
Doctor Gabe gloated to his audience, each caged in such a way that their powers were contained. He'd struck quickly, decisively, and with overwhelming power just after the "heroes" had successfully defended the city of Nara from giant poison-gas-emitting bioengineered cockroaches unleashed by the villain Biomass as part of an eco-terrorist plot.  
  
He'd even got that secret agent/flunkie that kept showing up around Kestral. He'd removed their clothing, partly because they had all sorts of gadgets and devices incorporated into them. Mainly though, because having a bunch of buxom naked girls in hanging cages was one of his many fantasies.  
  
"Now that I've dealt with my old foe," cackled Doctor Gabe, "who shall I deal with next? You, I think." He struck a lever and one cage began lowering.  
  
"Why us? We've never crossed paths! You're an AMERICAN supervillain anyway!" The girl in the lowering cage looked down at the bubbling brew below her and flinched.  
  
"When Kestral was declared legally dead after his slip with that one reporter, and he ended up fleeing the country rather than become part of a governmentally controlled program, naturally his old enemies kept track of him." Doctor Gabe grinned. "That's a form of liquid latex by the way. It'll bond immediately to human skin, forming a clear protective glaze. Don't worry, I'm sure I'll find a good place to display you after you've finished hardening."  
  
Some things were traditional in the superhero genre. The Last Minute Rescue, for example.  
  
Ice shattered as a silver dragon exited the cage holding Kestral. Many heroes screamed. So did Doctor Gabe.  
  
The heroes arriving In The Nick Of Time, however, merely attacked the villain's pet monster. It was clearly more dangerous than Doctor Gabe, after all.  
  
The dragon had enough time to consider how badly his sense of timing sucked before he was knocked out by a proton disruptor. Then, to everyone's surprise, faded out in a physical sense as well.  
  
-----------  
  
Third Labor timeline  
  
The Silver Floret dropped from nerveless fingers. "w-wh-what?!"  
  
Ami frowned and sniffed the air, still in dragonform. "You intended to hold the sword up to his neck, demand his surrender, and that way you'd not only have him taking you seriously, but you'd have the terms of the Duel to get him to come back to your home plane and help you fight criminals there, right?"  
  
Honey nodded, not really caring at this point if she were beaten on by the others.  
  
Setsuna decided that the blonde woman was going through enough angst and had kicked herself enough by this point. "He lost the dragonform, your blade went in, but it wasn't enough to kill him instantly."  
  
Honey wordlessly made a gesture at the area currently conspicuous by the absence of a body. Alive or dead.  
  
"It looked like some sort of summoning spell," commented Ami. She arched her long neck. "So, he's offplane again. He'll try to make his way back."  
  
"He'll be in the city of New Lindisfarne at least by 905 AD where he rejoins us and a few others," added Setsuna.  
  
Nuku Nuku transformed. "Oh? Let's go then!"  
  
-------------  
  
Ranma/Akumakun timeline:  
  
"This is embarrassing." Jared confessed from the garden area where he'd used his role as a Prince of the Silver Millenium to do a summoning.  
  
Grey uncurled from where he'd curled up in a tight ball to glower at him.  
  
"Look, I'm sorry." Jared raised his hands apologetically.  
  
Grey grumbled and went back to a curled up ball, hugging his knees.  
  
"Hey, it was a dimensional resonance! I'm new at this whole d-hopping magic thing. Besides, the fabric of this place seemed so similar that I thought.... Look, all the other spells had worked fine. How was *I* to know that it was only one school that was effected?"  
  
It was clear Grey wasn't the least bit mollified.  
  
"Um..." Jared sweatdropped, reaching for something he could say. "I wanted you to take my place trying to marry Kasumi, alright? You both would have been happy."  
  
"And how," Grey asked, fitting the exact amount of contempt and disappointment into the words to make it very clear how displeased he   
was. "Am I supposed to do that?" Ignoring the other problems he had with this arrangement for the moment.  
  
The redhaired mage twiddled his fingers, plainly at a loss.  
  
Grey began looking around for a rope.  
  
Jared raised his head. "No, don't kill yourself. I'll fix it in a few weeks, after I've done the research on how to so I don't mess up again. That doesn't fix *my* problem, but I'll deal with it like a man. Hey, I'll even return you to when and where you left, okay? Think of it as a short vacation."  
  
Grey smoothed his girl's school uniform in a gesture of displeasure, and said. "Somehow this isn't my idea of fun." Well, at least Ami wasn't here to see him like this. He'd die of embarassment.  
  
Jared considered. "Okay, how about this. I let you take part in arranging marriage meetings for Genma and Soun, and *you* get to choose potential brides. We've decided the old goons are too lonely and need to be married off by their loving offspring. Deal?"  
  
Grey stopped in mid-sigh, Jared was obviously trying. Frankly the further away from the team of Soun and Genma he could get, the better off all three of them would be. Marrying Soun and Genma off meant that they'd also have to find a new husband for Nodoka. Or maybe he could call the office and have Kimiko show up. Heh. The Valkyrie version he'd called up during his Second Labor. *She* wouldn't put up with any of this nonsense.  
  
Jared added. "AND Akane is running around, the real one this time, taking lessons from Happosai and stealing girl's (and men's) underwear. She ran afoul of a hair growth potion and now looks like a wookie, you could trounce her and no one would even care. Plus, you've still got that powerarmor out in the shed. C'mon, it ain't *that* bad!"  
  
Grey favored the mage with a sidelong look and gazed back at the mirror he'd been facing, which showed Akane's features gazing back at the   
dimension traveler. There were no two ways around it. If he left this Universe like this, without resolving whatever had caused it, and without trying to organize his various selves into one being, he'd be even worse screwed up than he was now. "Okay. Fine. Let's just get this over with. And how are you going to explain TWO Akane Tendos, anyway?"  
  
"Ah ha!" The Pheonix Mage nodded. "I have a plan. Don't worry, nothing can go wrong with this!"  
  
---------  
  
Waterdeep:  
  
"Rigee?!"   
  
Rigel Maerklos of the city of Waterdeep straightened. "That was... strange."  
  
"I'll say," Rimshot took a "salt shaker" out of his utility belt and pressed a button on the side. "Hmmm. Looks like it was some form of magical summoning. VERY powerful in nature."  
  
Wispara Deunen had very little idea what was going on, despite being an elf and therefore used to seeing all sorts of magic on a regular basis. So she merely hovered protectively near her boyfriend/fiance/soulmate and looked concerned.  
  
"So, uhm, what about... this one?" Rimshot asked, returning to the task they'd been about previously.  
  
Rigel looked at the picture, and as he had on several of the others, nodded. "Right. Know her. She's one of the clerics up at Candlekeep. Name of Amarlee Ocean-eyes. Nice girl, sort of a minor sage dealing with medicine."  
  
Rimshot nodded, as this was a picture of one of *his* acquaintances, a "rogue scientist" named Amy who was based out of the Barony Of Hope in the Colorado Baronies. And who had turned out to be one of a growing list of people who had intersected more than one of their lives apparently. "And this one."  
  
Rigel looked at the picture, blinked, then looked at Wisp. "Wisp. Look, here's a picture of you as a human."  
  
Wisp looked over this portrait of another version of herself, suppressing a quick surge of jealousy. Elves tended to be short and slender. The girl in the picture resembled her, but was clearly taller and *much* "bustier". "Hmmmph. Doesn't look like me at all!"  
  
Rigel kept his disagreement to himself. "This other version of Wisp? Is she also a friend of yours?"  
  
Rimshot nodded. "Yeah, I noticed the resemblence but the differences are kind of large too. In my world she's a Glitter Boy pilot named Ree Fukami..."  
  
-------------  
  
Pokemon World  
  
A ripple continued on, the Summoning further spreading and touching on other Realities. Ranko reacted as if shot, clutching her head and dropping like a stone.   
  
"Never, *ever*..." One of Jared's multiple versions of himself was cautioning himself, as he appeared on a grassy field dressed only in a furry pair of briefs and boots, looking odd with his flaming hair, and continuing on to say, "approach a valkyrie for directions in the middle of one of their parties!" He shivered, and not from cold. Taking a map from a subspace pocket he began to turn it around. "So how am I going to find my way back to Jupiter? I'm sure that got me off course. How she stole my uniform so fast..."   
  
It was a good thing he'd kept a change of clothes in that Hoi Hoi Cappsule. (Odd the useful little trinkets one could find in your RRO Survival Pack.) The bad thing was that the clothes were a familiar looking Chinese outfit gotten during his impersonation of Ranma. A quick toss of the capsule, a lightning-fast change of clothes.   
  
"See! There's another one!"  
  
Jared realized anew, his head momentarily stuck inside the shirt, that fast was not always fast enough.  
  
*WHACK!*  
  
"It's obviously not the same type, you clown!" ~Actually even Professor Oak doesn't look that good!~ Misty absent mindedly wiped drool after seeing all that well toned martial artist flesh.  
  
Ash was rubbing his head. "So it's another super-rare type of pokemon. Who cares?" He brought himslf up in a declaration pose. "I'm gunna catch it."  
  
"Ash, don't you dare!" Misty got ready to launch a pokeball of her own. "This one's mine!"  
  
"Why is it okay for *you* to catch this one and not me, Misty? *This* one isn't a girl!"  
  
Misty was blushing furiously. "Because, well I'm a girl, that's why!"  
  
Both of the boys looked at each other and blinked, making no sense at all out of that.   
  
Jared was on the cusp of adding a statement to this, perhaps in the form of a fireball, when the buzz of bat wings and a barreling form came   
rushing out of the sky to smite him powerfully in the front, hanging on for dear life as the demoness wailed. "Waaaah!" There came muttered wailings and sobs, but around the bellybutton of the alu-field Jared was having a hard time seeing anything, much less understand her - except for one fact, she was in trouble and in need of his support.  
  
That merited response, of whatever level of firepower was needed to do the job.  
  
Though he had to use magic to where she was merely glomped onto his side and he could deal with anything. Jared could now see Ranko pointing, not at the three staring dumbstruck trainers confronting him. No, she was pointing down the path she had come.   
  
The trio of pokemon trainers were standing dumbstruck.  
  
"Are they a related species?" Brock asked.  
  
Misty smirked. "STARYU! GO!" She threw her pokeball, manifesting a starfish-shaped critter.   
  
Jared spent a moment in thought, pointing a finger at the creature, then snapping his fingers. "Cold Snap!"  
  
The ice-encrusted creature landed ungracefully on the ground.  
  
"OH NO! MY STARYU!" Misty wailed.   
  
Ash seemed to be struggling with some concept, especially as he was pointing a gadget at them.  
  
"No pokemon type found," announced the device.  
  
"They're not pokemon?!"  
  
"Shut up, Ash! Of course they're pokemon!" Misty drew another pair of pokeballs. "STARMIE! BODY SLAM!"  
  
"Psyduck?!" said the particularly stupid looking creature that popped out of the other pokeball.  
  
"You get the male, I'll capture the female," announced Brock. "ONIX GO!"  
  
Jared grumbled slightly. They wanted pokemon? A spell was readied. Oh, they'd have their pokemon all right.  
  
"To protect the world from devastation!"  
  
"Never mind that, now we've got TWO of them!!"  
  
Oh! Jared noticed the two who had been pursuing Ranko and got a ***TERRIBLE*** whim, even as the Starmie and the Onix raced towards him and the ducklike creature ran around in circles. He pulled out a pokeball and shouted. "Mara! I choose you!"  
  
All five pokemon trainers got a little ill seeing a flame-haired, pointy-eared, humanoid pokemon (obviously just an evolved form of the littler female one or maybe they came in male and female verstions like Nidoran) use a pokeball to summon what looked to all appearances as a perfectly normal human woman (with her hair currently hiding her demon-first class markings).  
  
Then Jared hauled out five empty pokeballs. "Make sure you don't beat them up *too* much, Mara. We wouldn't want them fainting."  
  
There were many many times that Ash Ketchum was a clueless wonder. There were some times when he had a better clue than the people around him. He fled at his highest speed while his companions gawked.  
  
It didn't really help that much, but it *was* one of his brighter moments.  
  
---------  
  
Third Labor Timeline, 817 AD:  
  
Like his father, he was tall and muscular and could fight like a raging bull. Unlike his father, he'd spent a lot of his life learning from the priests. Where his father brawled, the son fought a bit more gracefully. His father was a farmer who had left his farm to follow the priests to their new home and begin anew. The son had tried his hand at farming, but had proven to have another fate than tied to the land.  
  
Ranma wondered if his father was doing okay. He hadn't been out there lately. His duties as one of the priesthood, and an Engineer Third Class tended to keep him busy.  
  
The great earthen walls and battlements reflected the priests' philosophy of "Enduring Strength" and their successes in summoning spirits of the earth. Elementals they were called, though only the most enlightened members of the priests could bring them forth.  
  
Ranma continued his walk, nodding at the various merchants and mendicants that scurried about. There was still much to do. Let those who cared about such things make much of the Holy Lands. As was pointed out by one of the engineers, changing the past was impossible, shaping the future - a necessity.  
  
"Raaaanmmmaaa!" A distant figure hailed before running towards him. Ranma smiled slightly and waited, acknowledging a few knowing smirks from passerby with a nod of his head.  
  
The girl practically leapt upon him, hugging him to her tightly.  
  
"Lands sake," said one of the older women to her companion, "girls nowadays, they just act completely scandalous. In *my* day, we had dignity."  
  
"Have ye seen the way they dance nowadays," the companion asked with a sniff. "Tis' terrible it is."  
  
Ukyo unhooked herself from her True Love to glitter dangerously at the two. "Oh, be off wit' ye. I be sure that ye had your own share of scandal, Madria! Now let me get some time wit' me friend here, eh?"  
  
Ranma looked down at the forest green eyes of his redheaded companion, a year younger and full of fire. "Ah, my dear lass, what are ye up to today that has gotten' ye all wound up?"  
  
"Priest Keian said something was up and he did call off the hunt early," said Ukyo with a wink. "Not sure what they be doing, but there's talk about sending out explorer teams now."  
  
"They be talking about that since we arrived at these islands," Ranma scoffed and held out a hand for his lady to take. He spent a moment enjoying the way her smaller and daintier hand fit inside his own as they walked. "Admittedly, these lands lack many things we'll need, but I've seen little evidence the Council will go for it until *after* the Outer Wall be finished. 'Look to your defense first' as they say."  
  
"Ah, but they be serious this time," said the redhead with a pout that managed to scowl. "And ye be knowin that I've long wanted to go explore that large continent. Why, there could be a thousand wonders we canna even imagine in such a land!"  
  
"Hmmph," agreed Ranma, worried that Ukyo *would* go and leave him behind for several years. He couldn't see himself going off on that sort of thing with all his duties here. "Well then I..." Ranma's voice broke off as he realized something was happening.  
  
After a moment, Ukyo realized something was up to as the rest of the crowd glanced up. The birds had gone quiet.  
  
Air slammed into the outer village as first one, then a second and third, long winged form shot overhead at high speeds. The glittering bodies pulled up after their passage, thereby bleeding speed in order to loop slowly back around.  
  
Ranma smiled and glanced at the girl beside him. She nodded and they began running towards the Gathering Hall.   
  
Another prophesy fulfilled.  
  
---------------  
  
Ranma/Akumakun timeline:  
  
Jared presented this on brilliant, hello-I-typically-live-or-die-by-making-good-plans-on-short-notice inspiration ala veteran AD&D adventurer style.  
  
He quirked an eyebrow over a confident grin. "The basics of that plan would be as follows: One, Akane isn't really acting at all like herself, nor does she look much like she used to. Two, You at least act like *a* version people recognize as Akane, by being as unlike her as possible your first trip. You also happen to look like she does in the form accepted by her friends and associates. Three, If anyone is to be taken as an imposter, it's her, not you. Given their choice, most people would probably *prefer* the version you present. We don't have to say anything. In fact the less we say the better because people tend to trust their own opinions more than other's words and if we don't say anything we can't be disproven."  
  
The mage adopted a fiery grin. "More to the point, people would *rather* you be Akane than the real one. I can think of guys offhand who would take you over the real one even if they *knew* what had happened! If we let this slide through on it's own momentum the only damage control vector is Akane, and frankly I'd *prefer* an excuse to go up against her in a few fights."  
  
He cracked his knuckles. "That being the case, there are several advantages. One, you get to catch up on your Ranching skills. Two, we get   
to fight with Akane without anyone thinking anything of it. Three, we get to make her life not conform to her wishes even if she gets it back. Four, you and I have few reasons to argue. If you and I don't fight then the Duncecap Duo are less likely to object to when I attempt to transfer my engagement to Kasumi (on honor oath) and *that* will set them up for you running off into the nearest nunnery, if you so like.  
  
"So what do you think?"  
  
Grey immediately disliked several aspects of this plan. Unfortunately he wasn't able to think of any alternatives.  
  
----------  
  
A pokemon world:  
  
There were many things an outsider might question about a mainline Pokemon world that the natives never wondered about.  
  
How come there *were* pokemon for one thing? How smart the critters were, since many seemed to understand if not speak the human language. How some had qualities of reptile or amphibian or mammal or even plant? That the vast majority were egglaying no matter whether they had mammallian or whatever traits? How could such a thing be? And howcome nobody knew how many kinds of pokemon there were? How come some came with what looked like mechanical parts (such as the Blastoise water cannon and Primeapes manacles) and some had powers that were elemental in nature?  
  
Especially nobody really asked how come some people were *exact* duplicates of others. There were numerous Officer Jennys and Nurse Joys to be found, practically every city had at least one. Most people accepted the "sisters and cousins" story without so much as blinking, never mind that the genetic variance between each Joy or Jenny was so small as to be almost unmeasurable. There were others, after all, who looked and sounded and acted much the same. There were four identical versions of Delia Ketchum, for example. So it was merely accepted that this happened.  
  
It was accepted because nobody knew the Truth, and everyone's interests were (at the moment) best served by not knowing the Truth.  
  
Especially the Joys and Jennys.   
  
Most, if you asked, thought this was Earth. Ask them of the ancient ship "Mega-road" and they'd tell you of ancient creation myths. Ask them of ancient civilizations, and they'd shrug and tell you to ask an archaeologist. Poke-mopolis might be brought up by a few who remembered something of a news article on that subject.  
  
Of ancient civilizations that mixed genetic engineering and magic, and had risen and fallen only to rise and fall again, and of humans coming to this world and not understanding what they had found, there were few who knew *that* sort of thing.  
  
Even most of the Joys and Jennys did not know of their special heritage. That they were, in fact, the results of early human exploration of that ancient technology. Still, most of them felt some primal connection with pokemon and with the technology that centered on them.   
  
Still, those who knew the Terrible Truth knew that the society around them was fragile. Giovanni and his Team Rocket, the various Leagues, the inhuman near-deities lurking about the edges, all had their parts to play and as long as nothing upset the balance everyone was relatively content.  
  
Anything that upset that balance was a matter of concern for They Who Knew and their subordinates.  
  
Especially the Joys and Jennys.  
  
And so the Nurse Joy of the Rocky Point PokeCenter was a little alarmed at her unannounced visitors coming in. She was one of those who had bits and pieces of the Truth, and frankly it scared the crap out of her at times.  
  
On odd moments from time to time there came in a stray; a pokemon that had been lost or escaped from its trainer somehow, yet had gotten injured and somehow recalled that Pokemon Centers would make them healthier again. And so every so often a wild pokemon would wander in seeking help. It was actually part of her joy in the position as caregiver and healer of pokemon that those rare events happened, they showed her how much these creatures had learned to trust her.  
  
But when that happened it was pretty much in direct proportion to how rare the pokemon was. She'd seen a few pidgeys, one or two bulbasaurs, and a precious scattering of others in this manner in her time working at her Center.  
  
Her awe at having an *increadibly* rare set, not even in the pokedex, wander in all faithful and full of trust made her wonder what her cousins (also called Nurse Joy, all working at other pokemon centers) had been up to!  
  
Then she'd gotten a good look at the two and had tried to keep from showing her desire to run into the background screaming. One had hair that looked as if it was flaming. The other had red batlike wings and piercing blue eyes that seemed filled with pain.  
  
Her foot casually tapped a button. The Elemental Lords, even more powerful than the Elemental Birds, had obviously just walked into her PokeCenter. They had taken human form, but some distant rational corner of her mind noted that it was probably easier to deal with humans wearing that guise. One didn't crush the insects until after the conversation was over that way. If she died here, her brain sucked dry by what she guessed was a Ghost or Psychic Type, or was burned to ash by the Flame Lord, at least one of her cousins or sibs would know and come by to take over the clinic.  
  
The idea that she was not to be recycled occurred to her when the humanoid pokemon had slipped the boundaries to the next track over, handing her his pokeballs to deal with like any trainer. Nurse Joy twitched slightly as she took them, praying silently to the god of the humans that she wasn't being asked to put herself into one. Maybe they were returning some lost pokeballs, someone who had dared to attack an unknown, and had either fled or been flash-fried for their trouble. She hoped it wasn't anyone she knew.  
  
She was not prepared to open up the first one to find Ash inside.  
  
Ash waved a hand to her in greeting. "Hey, ya gotta cheeseburger?"  
  
Nurse Joy fainted.  
  
Ranko, seeing the faint, threw a pokeball at the girl.   
  
Jared made her put the Nurse back.  
  
-----------  
  
Ranma/Akumakun timeline:  
  
As a complete shock to those who knew him, Jared approached their parents with humble looks and traditional attire, and without any fanfare, celestial music, glorious wings of angels, obstentuous shows of wealth, dancing animals, or any other showy displays, asked within Kasumi's hearing if the engagement he had could be switch to her, while Ranma was switched to Nabiki.  
  
'Akane' and Nabiki both fervently jumped on this idea with their full (and in some cases MORE than full) agreement. Ranma added that he thought it would be nice, and Genma and Soun typically turned to each other, and did something amazingly stupid.  
  
"I don't know who this imposter is, boy, but you're marrying Akane and that's that. Kasumi will marry Ranma," Genma intoned solemnly. "As for this fake Akane..."  
  
Akane-g blinked a couple of times, then fixed Jared with a glinting eye. Akane-n wiped fur out of her eyes and grumbled.  
  
"Hang on, I'm tired of this," Akane-g fumbled at her side for a bottle and quickly mixed three vials of fluid together, then sniffed at it. Finally she walked straight over to Akane-n, grabbed her hand and sloshed some of the mixture onto the native's hand.  
  
"HEY!" Akane-n punched the other girl hard enough to bounce her off the ceiling. "WHAT WAS THE BIG IDEA?!" Akane-n then started rubbing the goo out of her fur, only to get wide eyed as she saw bare skin where hair had been a moment ago.  
  
Akane-g frowned but kept the bottle from spilling as she landed. "There ya go, Akane. How about we make a deal? I'll give you the rest of this alchemical Shaving Cream if you just keep quiet and stop stealing my..."  
  
Akane-n blurred and vanished. So did the bottle in Akane-g's hands.  
  
"Could have told you that wouldn't work," said Jared, sotto voce.  
  
Nabiki was suddenly and abruptly in Akane-g's face, sniffing.   
  
"Nabiki?!" Akane-g backed up but the feline Tendo kept looming up in her face.  
  
"You're the demon that got exorcised from Akane earlier!" Nabiki announced. "I knew it!"  
  
"aaaaaaAAAAAAAAAA!" The scream from the bathroom indicated something untoward had happened.  
  
"Oh my," said Kasumi, unable to resist.  
  
"Bets that she tried drinking it?" Jared said in the following silence.  
  
"Nah, she's not *that* much of an idiot," Akane-g said, then realized she was defending the native Akane. "This really stinks, you know."  
  
"Be a man about it! Oh sorry," Jared replied.  
  
"This is the part of Akane that Voodoo-boy drove out of my daughter?" asked Soun pointing at Akane-g. Jared and Akane-g were surprised by the anger in the Tendo patriarch's voice.  
  
"Yes," said Jared, proving how rattled he was by Soun Tendo coming to a correct conclusion.  
  
Nabiki smirked. "I did tell you about that rumor, didn't I?"   
  
Jared stared at where Akane-g was being hugged by a wailing Soun. "No, I must have missed that one."  
  
"You've just been listening to all the ones repeating your '1001 Things I'd Rather Do With Akane Than Be Engaged To Her' speech," Nabiki said, with a nod. "The talk about School was that Gos botched it. An exorcism is supposed to drive out an evil spirit, leaving the good. With what everyone saw, and how Akane's been acting, the talk's been that Gosunkugi exorcised the good part and left the evil spirit in charge."  
  
Jared thought about that and began to shake.  
  
Nabiki blinked. He was that upset about idle gossip and speculation?  
  
"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahahahaha!" (wheeze, *thud*!)  
  
Akane-g mumbled something from where she was encased. Whether it was a protest or a request for air wasn't clear.  
  
"So, Jared will marry Akane?" Genma asked Soun, wondering if his old buddy was even listening.  
  
"No, Ranma will marry Nabiki. I'm just so overjoyed that my Akane has returned to me!" Soun's tears soaked the hair of the girl buried in his embrace. "Kasumi will marry Jared. I don't suppose you've got two more sons? We could marry both Akanes off to them!"  
  
Akane-g mumbled something else and appeared to be struggling to get out.  
  
"No, but I *do* have an idea, Tendo!" Genma smirked.   
  
Kasumi was merely confused. "Excuse me?"  
  
-------------  
  
Pokemon Timeline:  
  
"BUGROM!" James griped, using his heavy claws to dig a furrow in the soil. "BUG BUG BUGROM!"  
  
Ash nodded, but as he hadn't actually attacked either the Mage or the girl, he'd gotten off easy. All he had to do was pull weeds and dig postholes. Heck, his mother had him do stuff like this all the time back in Pallet Town. This was no problem actually.  
  
"Pikachu!" Pikachu said, glad that he'd been able to argue for clemency with the spellcaster. As Pikachu was fond of saying (mainly to other pokemon) Ash had a head of clay but a heart of gold. And frankly there were worse punishments than being stuffed in a pokeball and forced to work in a garden.  
  
"Can you understand what he's saying?" Ash asked his closest friend, not having been turned into a pokemon, he couldn't understand a word the transformed James was saying. Of course he lowered his voice as much as possible.   
  
"Pi pi pika," Pikachu said with a nod. He didn't elaborate though. James was still griping and complaining. Privately, Pikachu thought that James might be gender dysphoric and would approach the mage about being turned female when he was returned to human. Though James seemed to actually be griping more to keep up appearances than anything else.  
  
Ash stood briefly, wiping sweat off his forehead and glancing towards where his Trainer was. He wondered if that Mage guy was serious about making him battle Misty. This could be a problem. Ash regarded Misty as annoying, picky, fond of putting him down, and way too loud at times, but he liked her anyway.  
  
-------------------  
  
Perhaps the funnest thing, Jared contemplated to himself as he sipped on a spiced apple cider Kasumi had served to him, was that the Pokedexes were simple machines. Specifically, information storage and retrieval systems with no great effort at security. It had been child's play to have the Cell Slicer hack in and deposit information.  
  
He could have done a great deal more than he had.  
  
Sitting at a sumptuous outdoor cafe he'd created for his group, he was taking mild amusement in the crowd of onlookers they'd gathered.   
Specifically, the young man who was pointing a trembling pokedex at him.  
  
Loud enough for the crowd to hear the machine faithfully reported.   
*PHEONIX MAGE, EVOLVED BRIGHT ELF OF THE FIRE TYPE. POSSESSES GREAT MAGICAL AND PHYSICAL ABILITIES, ENOUGH TO LEVEL TOWNS FULL OF LESSER POKEMASTERS. HAS NOTHING TO FEAR FROM ANY KNOWN POKEMON OR ANYTHING LESS THAN WORLD-SHATTERING CATASTROPHES.*  
  
There was a collective gulp at that, and the wavering pokedex swerved to point at Ukyo.  
  
*UKYO, EVOLVED HUMAN, ALSO OF THE FIRE TYPE. ABLE TO DWELL IN FLAMING LAVA AND HAS THE POWER TO RESIST MOST FIRE ATTACKS WHILE LAUNCHING HER OWN. SHE IS ALSO SKILLED IN CLOSE COMBAT FIGHTING AND MAKES A TRULY DELICIOUS JAPANESE PIZZA.*  
  
Ukyo frowned briefly and mouthed the phrase 'Japanese pizza' as if it were distasteful.  
  
Kasumi flew in on a little whirlwind that was her preferred mode of travel anymore and the pokedex got pointed her way while she faithfully   
served a tray of treats.  
  
*KASUMI, EVOLVED HUMAN OF THE WIND TYPE. A SKILLED DOMESTIC AND HOUSEWIFE WHO IS ABLE TO GENERATE GUSTS OF WIND AND BLASTS OF FORCE AS WELL AS GENERATE TORNADOES, A TECHNIQUE SHE HAS PERFECTED FOR CLEANING AS OPPOSED TO VACUUMING OR SWEEPING.*  
  
This time the pokedex wandered of it's own accord while the owner was still in shock, too confused at the imagery to function.  
  
*RANKO, EVOLVED FORM OF GINSENG. NOT STRICTLY A COMBAT POKEMON, ANYONE WHO THREATENS HER FACES THE WRATH OF THE PHEONIX MAGE AND OTHER EVOLVED HUMANS SUCH AS SHAMPOO, NABIKI AND KASUMI, UKYO, AND POTENTIALLY OTHERS.*  
  
Finally, the pokedex wandered over to where the small crowd of familiar figures was going through exercise routines or chopping vegetables. By chance it focused on one of them.  
  
*MISTY, MERMAID. HUMAN EVOLVED TO WATER TYPE. NO FURTHER DATA IS AVAILABLE. THE MAGE HAS OFFERED TO TURN HER BACK BUT MERMAID HAS SO FAR REFUSED.*  
  
Shampoo splashed up out of the pond that guarded the gazebo in which the crew rested at their ease. "Underwater palace is finished now! We all go to sleep, yes?"  
  
Jared finished his cider. "Yes, by all means. I have a feeling we'll need it. Things are shaping up to be interesting for our brief stay here."  
  
-------------------  
  
Ranko considered. First that girl with pink hair had fainted, and as she'd seen "big brother" do, so had she done. She'd put the girl in a pokeball and hoped they could be friends later.  
  
Then some girl with blue hair had come up, yelling at them while brandishing a pair of handcuffs. Shampoo had held up a hand, and several hundred gallons of water had jetted out and knocked the girl down. So, naturally, Ranko had remembered that "when in Osaka do as they do" and had put the blue haired girl in a pokeball.  
  
It was weird, but it appealed to a sense of irony.   
  
Though "big brother" Jared had made her put both back. Still, Ranko was hoping they could be good friends.  
  
Ranko blinked as something came down the road at high speed, it looked like a unicorn with a flaming mane. And on it was... "BIG BROTHER!?!"   
  
Ranma Saotome, aka the "Gym Destroyer" was rather surprised to see a batwinged version of his girl form come flying at him at high speeds. He was so befuddled by this he actually let his guard down for a moment.  
  
Raiden saw a girl who looked an awful lot like Ranma's girl form and snickered. Wait till the girls caught up on *this* one.   
  
------------------  
  
Ranma/Akumakun timeline:  
  
Grey was confused. This wasn't an abnormal state of affairs but it was particularly bad right at the moment.  
  
"He" was currently "she" - having re-entered a timeline where he had previously been a spirit "quantum leaped" into Akane Tendo, on being summoned to it again by the Pheonix Mage he was now Akane Tendo's physical twin.   
  
Except that the native Akane had turned furry due to drinking a topical magical potion, then had turned completely bald by taking the antidote in the same fashion. Well, at least she didn't need to shave her tongue any more. Akane had curled up in a miserable little ball until Grey had applied a mixture to her scalp. She now looked a lot like the post-Ryoga's haircut Akane while Grey looked like the pre-haircut version.  
  
Which wasn't fair as Grey definitely preferred having short hair herself but would prefer it if casual observers could tell the two of them apart. Therefore she would merely endure the necessity of having to wash and brush, braid etc, this mass of hair. She'd tried the braid at least. Up until Happosai got ahold of it, it wasn't a problem.  
  
Jared, on finding out that Grey wasn't that interested in staying here and kicking Akane around, had tried to reverse his summons. The only one surprised by its failure had been Jared himself.  
  
Grey had slapped a nametag reading "Hi, call me Grey. i just look like Akane Tendo." It wasn't until the class had started that she realized she had to rewrite it using the kanji as her use of hiragana was considered childish within the subculture of Japanese high school.  
  
Other than that, she was having a few problems and everyone else could tell she was distracted. This was because it wasn't just one mind in one body.  
  
The dimensional mergers had taken their toll, and now several of the personas were merging but leaving the individual confused. He (or she) was now definitely no longer simply the Grey who had once been turned into an incubus by a god of mischief.  
  
He was Grey, reluctant incubus turned not so reluctant cyborg, worker at the Rival Relief Office and adventurer. He was Mamoru Tengoku, who had grown up in the Sabre Marionette J world as Gennai's pupil and an expert on repairing marionettes. He was Nebula, aka Basalt, the Silver Millenium Knight Of Duty who had briefly been the consort of a Queen. He was Frostbite, the silver dragon priest of healing from Aramar who had once been married to a version of Shampoo named Xian Tili. He was Shinji Mizuno, the half-angel albino clone who had married Ami Mizuno - the Alpha Unit. He was Kestral, the energy absorbing superhero whose secret identity had been married to Lightning, that world's version of Makoto Kino. He was also Tsue, the martial artist who had grown up idolizing his fiancee - the Sailorjin Princess - Usagi Son. He was the subsititute Ranma Saotome who had grown up with his mother Nodoka, his father Genma, and his fiancees Ukyo Kuonji, Makoto Kino, and Rei Hino. He was also Orion/Grey, Minako Aino's "pet cat" who had later been revealed to be a dragon and reluctant conquerer of China.  
  
She was also a bimbo named Naga who had been a member of Team Rocket. She was Ginseng III, a female android built and programmed with memories based on Grey. She was the member of the Rebel Alliance, B Wing pilot Artemis Gray. She was the homely peasant lass Delilah who had spent her entire life in service to her Queen until the French Revolution cut that short (in more ways than one.) She was Noa, a pokemon trainer who had specialized in "cute" pokemon like Eevee and Ponyta.  
  
As Naga was just plain crazy, Delilah was fluff, Ginseng III an emotionless android who had later turned male, Noa had been killed by a splinter group of pokemon thieves known as Team Hard Rocket, and Artemis had died in the assault on the second Death Star, the overall pattern emerging was male. Except for the body, of course, which was most definitely female.  
  
Some of these lives had been different, some *very* different. The persona of Naga was quickly fading, most of the other personalities viewing merger with Naga as completely unacceptable.   
  
"Who am i?" the question came through all the remaining personas.   
  
She was moping in gym class, trying to ignore the whisper of comments about the idea of their being two Akanes now, when something registered.  
  
Evil.  
  
Not the sanitized villainry of Black Bart (who wasn't nearly as evil as he liked to act) nor the dark lechery of Happosai. This wasn't someone being bad, or naughty, or lecherous. It was not the darkness of Akane's anger or her more hentai leanings that found open expression as she moved to master her family's Art.  
  
It was Evil. The sort of pure, unsullied, no nonsense, straight out Evil that hadn't bothered to mask itself because the average Neriman was about as psychically sensitive as a dead slug. Grey couldn't tell where it was, but it was nearby.  
  
"Akai," called Yuka. "Stop woolgathering. It's your turn." She pointed to the high bar.  
  
Grey blinked, disliking the yellow tee with red bloomers that was the Furinkan High School Girls Gym Uniform. And that no one would call her Grey, but she'd gotten the nickname "Akai" for some reason. When in Rome, or Tokyo, do as the Tokyoites do. But it was so *tacky!* Well, in order to find that Evil, maybe trying a different form?  
  
Grey leapt, ignoring the jeering call that she was going to fall short. And willed the change, figuring that her current reserves would allow her to maintain the form long enough for an aerial survey. And completely forgetting the audience in concentrating to find this new menace.  
  
The T-shirt burst along the back as golden wings sprouted to beat the air. The sparkling golden field surrounding her turned her skin and hair that color, as Akane lifted to a few dozen feet above the ground. Hovering, she attempted to discern the direction of the Evil as well as its distance. There was some indication that it was within the school grounds itself, and then the Evil hid itself.  
  
Disappointed, Grey landed again.  
  
Missing the open jaws from the girls' gym class. Missing the way the teacher was mumbling something about the "intra mural championship". Completely ignoring the way the softball fell out of the catcher's glove and the nearby boys playing baseball completely forgot about their own game. Or the way that Tatewaki Kuno ran to fetch ink and paper, saying something about his "golden angel." (Not that he was giving up on the Pigtailed Girl, the Firehaired Lass, or the beauteous Black Fox (Ukyo Kuonji)).   
  
Akai, Grey realized that it was just a name and she'd have to get used to it, slowly began to notice all the stares and dismissed the wings and transformation. Then very nearly fainted from the strain.  
  
If this had happened in an American school, people would have crowded closer, examining the girl. The ACLU would have barred her from the school grounds, lawsuits would have been likely. Stones would likely have been thrown, resulting in a clash between pro and anti forces. It would have been likely that a number of those looking her over would have plucked feathers from her wings, but that everything would have blown over eventually.  
  
This being Japan, Akai quickly found herself shunned while the various cliques and factions figured out what to do.  
  
Martial artists wantonly destroying property, no problem. Death threats and Chinese Amazons, nothing to be concerned over. Cattle stampede? Ho hum.  
  
Evidence that the rumor about the good Akane being exorcised by that bum Gosunkugi, leaving the evil one behind? That Tatewaki Kuno was *right*?!  
  
This went beyond amazing.  
  
-------------  
  
Third Labor timeline 818 AD:  
  
Ami and Nuku kept to their dragonforms for the most part. For one thing, until they decided to go forward in time, dragons simply aged better. Unfortunately as Setsuna had stated she had some mysterious "business" and vanished, that left two dragons and a human in a bit of a situation.  
  
More so for Honey than the dragons.  
  
Honey had continually been unable to shift to dragon, until finally Ami had hit across what all deemed the correct answer.  
  
Being human had been something Honey had secretly dreamed of for many years. Now that she *was* human, it was difficult for her to relinquish it - even briefly.   
  
Of course, sometimes the popular answer isn't the correct one.  
  
Honey was reminded this as she stood on the peak of a cliff, facing a raging sea, while a thunderstorm raged around her. She felt the hail pelting her naked skin in wonder, as she had always heard you couldn't feel such things in a dream.   
  
"Human."  
  
Honey had faced demons and goons and yoma, she turned, settling into a defensive stance.  
  
The dragon was long and golden, about 30 feet in length and glowing in the dim light. "human," it repeated.  
  
Honey swallowed, wanting to clad herself in armor and brandish a sword. Or at least find something to wear. "Who are you?"  
  
"I am I. You are you," the dragon said, head cocked in curiosity. "I am you. You are me. We are us."  
  
Honey blinked at this. "I don't... Oh. You're an Aspect of me."  
  
"As You are an Aspect of me," the dragon said. "I have heard your call, and I have fallen. To be One with you is possible. The question remains why?"  
  
"Uhm well, I..." Honey started trying to think of another way to explain it.  
  
"Know you, human self, I once wore human guise to fight evil." The dragon shifted and now two human Honey Kisaragi faced each other. "I was a champion of the Light, and did fell many things of darkness till at last I was oe'erwhelmed. Why should I become one with you and not proceed to my reward?"  
  
Honey considered, and opened herself mentally to this other self. Relating the battles she'd done and continued to fight. Then caught herself. "It isn't right for you to keep from your reward. You have earned your rest warrior, take it. I will find another way."  
  
The transformed dragon laughed. "Well answered. It seems we are close enow. Very well, I return to the fray. Where Injustice rules, may they tremble at our coming!"  
  
Honey merged and knew that Ami and Setsuna and Nuku had merged with Aspects of themselves as well, but those hadn't been quite as awake as hers. Hers had been experienced and powerful, a warrior in much the same line of work as she was.  
  
Stepping quietly outside, Honey shifted and took to the air.  
  
It was true what they said, after all.  
  
Dragons *did* have more fun.  
  
-------  
  
a pokemon world:  
  
"I see," said the Mage, putting down a cup of hot cider. "That rather *does* put a different slant on things."  
  
"Pi pipi pika chu!" Raiden continued. "Pika pika chu pika pi!"  
  
"So it's not enslavement, you can always 'jump ship' and go off on your own. More a symbiotic relationship." Jared repeated mainly for the benefit of P-Ranma. "Got you. What about the fights and such?"  
  
"Pi pipi chu pika chu!" Holding a little pikachu-sized cup in between his hands, Raiden nodded sagely and explained the situation.  
  
"Ah, that would make sense." Jared nodded. The fight system was simply the best one that had been found so far for gaining experience. Not perfect by a long shot, but it was a least common denominator among the various subspecies to gain experience, thereby "levels" thereby gaining strength. Gaining strength increased the pokemon's own status.  
  
"Pii pika chu, pika pi!" Raiden continued, pointing out that the local humans were such loud and clumsy creatures that they were easily avoided by creatures that preferred scratching out a living for themselves in the wild.  
  
"So, you'll turn them loose? It struck me as kinda nuts when I first encountered it, but that's just the way they do things around here," P-Ranma pointed out.  
  
"I *could* but there's a problem," acknowledged Jared. "Originally I thought up the transformation of those thieves as a punishment. And that one girl was quite upset at me, and tried hitting me after I'd turned her loose."  
  
"A problem?" P-Ranma asked.  
  
"Jessie *wanted* to be a Chansey. Apparently she had dreams of becoming a pokemon nurse at one time, and couldn't make it as a human version for various reasons. She *could* afford to attend a school for Chanseys but didn't make the cut due to a lack of special abilities. She's happier now and better adjusted *as* a pokemon." Jared gave a "what can I do" shrug. "James I can switch back from being a Bugrom, but I think he was happier as a rare Bug type than as a human. Meowth wasn't changed, he's just been spending a lot of time sleeping in his pokeball. And then there's Misty..."  
  
"Misty's the girl who attacked you?" Ranma asked.  
  
"Yeah, well," Jared didn't feel comfortable with this situation. "Uhm. She doesn't want to admit it, but I had an ESP spell going. Being that boy's pokemon is kind of a turn on for her."  
  
Ranma blinked, trying to make sense out of it. Raiden understood and just let out a long "piiiika?!"  
  
"Weird huh? She complains about his decision making ability, but apparently prefers him taking charge. He also listens to her more now that she's a pokemon, despite the language barrier." Jared shook his head. "It's better than some relationships I've seen, but it's just plain bizarre in many respects."  
  
"Oh," said Ranma, not that he was able to understand women anyway.  
  
---------  
  
Ranma/Akumakun timeline:  
  
Ranma brushed the lint off of Jared's cloak while Nabiki straightened his tie.   
  
"You don't have to help, you know." Jared sighed, adding cufflinks to the ensemble.  
  
Ranma *vigorously* shook his head. "Uh uh! NO WAY! If this doesn't go right then *I* have to deal with figuring out how not to marry her. You're NOT screwing this up!" Ranma grumbled something about knowing what Saotome luck was like concerning women wanting this to land on the good side of that relatively one-sided coin.  
  
"I still think Kasumi would prefer you in Japanese attire." Nabiki sniffed.  
  
"I'd turn to ooze and vanish away in a puff of steam." Jared corrected. Knowing they had no way to tell if that was true, he added. "Actually no, but a very good friend told me that she would prefer western attire for a western date. She herself wears a housedress style most of the time that isn't very traditional."  
  
He stopped himself before adding how western things were *likely* to get with Black Bart lurking out there somewhere.  
  
Nabiki sniffed at Ranma. "Hey, Ranma, what's that... smell...?!"  
  
Ranma blinked. "Smell? I dunno. I..."  
  
"Urrrrr?!" Nabiki urrred.   
  
Jared blinked. Nabiki's eyes were glassy and dilated, she did a shiver that ended up going the length of her tail, and she was now sniffing all over Ranma. 1+1+1 = "Ranma, check your pockets, I think the comedy team of Soun and Genma stuffed some catnip in your pants."  
  
"Uh oh," said Ranma, summing it up.  
  
Jared left the room, hoping that SASAMI would find a way to calm Nabiki down. He didn't want his clothes to get shredded, which might very well become a possibility with Nabiki getting all catty like that.  
  
"No! No! Down girl! Nabiki! Don't!"  
  
Jared stood to the side as Ukyo and Shampoo came running and went into the room, intent on pulling that alley cat off their Ranma.  
  
"MrrrrrrrooooooooooOOOOOOOoooW!"  
  
Jared shook his head, then forgot the events in the room behind him as Kasumi left her own room. "Wow!"  
  
Gone was the frumpy housedress and maternal air. Kasumi had gone for an elegant look. "Uhm."  
  
Kasumi smiled shyly. "Are you ready then?"  
  
Jared nodded, trying to think of what it was that had riveted his attention just a few minutes ago.  
  
------  
  
Krieger was the sort to never leave a job half done.  
  
Akane was something of a failure in his mind. He'd never taken a student (not to say that he'd taken many students) and not seen it through to the day where they had their own little stretch of the prairie. Some had been better than others, true. Actually, considering the number of pupils he'd taught it might better be said that Mr. Larry Bean hadn't done as well as Hoss Cowchucker.  
  
Hoss was now a hired hand on someone else's property after losing everything down to his pants in a drunken bet and Mr. Bean had leveraged his farm into a career in accountancy and now worked at a major firm with little hope of advancement because of the hopeless bow legs that were his last vestige of ranching. But those failures had come about because of flaws in the original material, one had been an escaped mental patient with superhero pretensions and the other sold insurance. Getting either one of them in a pair of jeans had been a major effort. And in spite of how those had later turned sour Krieger had stuck it out for as long as it took to get them their big-buckled belts.  
  
Akane had been his golden dream.  
  
Truth be told, she'd brought him better. That first Saotome kid had known more about ranching from day one than he'd even been able to *brand* into either of his first two pupils, and the next was as fast a learner as a chalk slate with an angel doin' the drawing. But Akane had been the Dream.  
  
Krieger had darn near given it all in and hung up his boots when the girl had gone plum loco after a perfectly ordinary kidnapping and rescue maneuver. The spirit done left him when she gave up ranching with nary a good word ta say about it.  
  
Oh, sure'n he'd heard the rumors. Might even be there was some truth to 'em. But watchin' that loco gal, he'd known that a true practitioner of the Japanese version of Martial Arts Ranchin' couldn't do a darn thing about it.  
  
Sure, he'd let her sister come take lessons. But that Nabiki girl just weren't on the same page as Akane. Heck, he wasn't even sure she was in the same book. Kept getting greedy then would go and try to prove she wasn't that way. He'd a switched her on over to the Town Gambler as *his* apprentice iffn he'd had enough gumption left ta follow through on what he'd made his mind up on. But he was just plum tuckered out.  
  
There'd been barely enough left of him ta send them Saotome kids the rounds with the other instructors, seein' they were as well rounded as a man could get in the West. They'd gone and he'd crumpled, barely keepin' up the appearances whenever they'd stop by fer a spell. Right cordial, they were, though Krieger still hadn't made his mind up whether Sherry and Ranko an' Jared an' Ranma were two boys an two sisters, 'er cousins, 'er what all. Never could seem to scare the four of 'em together in once place for very long. It made his head spin. Turn his back fer a deep breath and when he'd turned around he'd have lost one an turned up another. Very active family, whatever their confounded relations were.  
  
Blast it all! A man had a *right* ta look on a youngster an wish ta all get out ta git her schoolin done right! A proper heir ta The Old West School a Martial Art Ranching. Anyone could tell jest by lookin at 'em that the Saotome kids would always view it as a useful side discipline, they'd never jest stick to it till it stuck ta their bones an make it a real way o life!  
  
Sure, they might know the techniques better now, either boy could rope a cow quicker than any man west a the Pacific, an the gals could braid an spin like industrial machinery. They were whirlwinds... well, the Saotome chicks were. That Nabiki'd sit on the hearth er in a warm sunbeam an talk about free this an free that an purr.  
  
Couldn't make up his mind whether she was his student er a housepet.  
  
But Akane... When even Black Bart had given up kidnapping her, Krieger knew it was hopeless. There weren't nothin left iffn a good ol fashioned villain couldn't muster up enough bluster ta want ta tie her down ta the railroad tracks 'er run her on a log down a sawmill somewhere.  
  
He had ta do right by the Saotome kids. They'd earned it, right enough. Even had Tales o' the West croppin up now, what with those shotgun marriages, rigged proposals, Bart threatenin' ta run one of 'em outta town... Nah, they were set up right an proper. All one of em needed was a run in with a gunslinger and a badge, then he'd have ta haul himself up by his boots an teach 'em the rest. But after that he might as well admit that he wasn't good fer it anymore an mosey on outta town a broken man.  
  
Akane had gotten her farm, been standin up ta Black Bart tryin ta take it from her, had a few rope tricks and a good head on her shoulders, even been willin ta learn what it took ta run a ranch all by herself, without hiring hands ta do it for her.  
  
Krieger had stuck by her when she'd earned her land, knowing that she was good fer more, that this was the Golden Student, that she'd be the one ta take over the school for him once he'd taught it to her complete.  
  
Krieger sat on his porch looking out across the prairie and cursed the fact that they already had a town drunk so worthless and pathetic that no man'd ever be able ta take over his position. Elsewise he'd be in a mood ta try.  
  
That was when the rancher heard a nicker and a cloud o dust came riding up, carrying before it a familiar face with a pleasant smile an a heart full o goodness inside. Seein it the rancher gave up thinkin an let out a warhoot a delight, wavin his five gallon hat fer all the man was worth.  
  
His student rode the range again.  
  
========  
  
for 3rd rules AD&D   
Wispara Deunan, female elf Rog9: Size M (4 ft., 6 in. tall); HD 9d6; hp 40; Init +6 (+2 Dex, +4 Improved Initiative); Spd 30 ft.; AC 12 (+2 Dex); Attack +7/+2 melee, or +10/+5 ranged; SV Fort +2, Ref +10, Will +3; AL CG; Str 12, Dex 14, Con 9, Int 11, Wis 9, Cha 12. Languages Spoken: Common, Elven. Feats: Dodge, Improved Initiative, Mobility, Quick Draw.  
Special Equipment: dagger +1/+4 vs tiny; rapier +2; ring of protection +1  
Wispara Deunan is short for an elf, extremely so. She carries herself much larger, for the most part. She is sometimes mistaken for a Tallfellow halfling, to her continual annoyance. Wispara is a refugee from her homeland, though she refuses to talk about it, other than to declaim that it wasn't her fault. Wispara gets along fairly well with the drow priestesses of Eilistrae under Waterdeep, though this is mainly on an individual basis.  
Wispara's reason for being a bit of an outcast is actually her own birth. It seems her mother wasn't quite faithful to her father, and she is of mixed elf birth. A Sun Elf, but with a trace of Moon Elf in her. As someone shunned by her heritage, Wispara can relate to the good aligned drow of the Promenade.  
Wisp is an Analogue or Aspect of Minako. She's somewhat jealous of human women (for their height and bustlines mainly), and is fairly possessive and protective towards "her Rigee".   
  
As for the "Fist Of The Pikachu" crossover, that Nurse Joy may not have been correct about a lot things anyway. She could have been a conspiracy theorist, or merely read too many issues of the Poke-Inquirer. The Ranma of that story may encounter Jessie & James again, post Jessie's transformation, or Ash's group after Misty changes back. Or maybe Misty's still a Mermaid when they cross paths again and retrieving the Change Amulet from Team Rocket becomes a chapter of Hung Nguyen's work-in-progress. (It's up to him.)  
  
BTW: Magmarashi (from Reluctant Bet) is the evolved form of Hinorashi, which in the American namings is Cyndaquil. So, now that they've released the American name for Sasami's pokemon in RB: Quilava.  



	10. Default Chapter Title

Third Labor, chapter 19  
"Beach Bunny Bingo?"  
  
Disclaimer: Yu Yu Hakusho is by Yoshihiro Togashi, Sailor Moon is by Naoko Takeuchi, oh and those two just had a baby boy. Wonder if the kid'll take up the family trade...  
other stuff by Gregg Sharp, metroanime@mindspring.com  
additional scenes by White Pheonix  
you can find previous chapters at www.fanfiction.net  
  
--------  
  
To understand what was going on in a certain room of the Tendo house one must understand what *had* happened.  
  
Jared had made a simple mistake, using one of the psuedo-pokeballs Rafael (the archangel, not the mutant ninja turtle) had created he had captured Nabiki to get her out of the bathroom as he didn't particularly enjoy being spied on.  
  
Akane (at that time Grey) had used a ritual casting of Remove Curse to remove the Catfist from Ranma. No more cat phobia. No more Catfist. And a few related psychological problems also could be resolved on the part of one Ranma Saotome.  
  
The cat spirit part of the Catfist ended up captured with Nabiki and the two merged, forming a composite being. Enter Nabiki the catgirl, who adapted to her condition fairly quickly as it was apparent that it *could* be cured, but once cured could never be reinstated. She quickly found that leaping small buildings and feeling more alive than ever was addictive and she had been putting off her return to normal into a category called "eventually". After all, it was amazingly comfortable, she wasn't exactly helpless with the Catfist and she was discovering all sorts of things besides money could be enjoyable. Why cut it all short when there were discoveries and pleasures still waiting for her to find them?  
  
It didn't help that her body wasn't the only thing catty about her. The two natures had quickly merged, producing behavior that hearkened straight to a feline nature.   
  
Nabiki had, prior to the change, been concerned with her emergent image as the ironhearted mercenary, the cold ice queen, the evil money-grubbing witch of Furinkan. The revelation that most of her own family had taken her mask for herself had caused her to forcibly distance herself from her usual pursuits. Then, after the change, she couldn't believe that she'd ever been that petty or blind. Shaking down mousies for money was fine, but one had to have priorities and goals and not confusing the means with the goal.  
  
The catgirl had recently gotten very cuddlesome with her new iinazuke, the boy Ranma. Some speculated that it was the cat spirit, having been a part of Ranma for so long, was naturally attracted to its old host. She had, in the manner of a cat, viewed the two major rivals to her tom as actually being lesser members of the pride. She had, as far as Nabiki was concerned, chosen her Alpha male. The two other females might challenge her position, but their strength strengthened the pride - therefore these two were acceptable as their own abilities made the pride more valuable.  
  
In an effort to get Ranma to "loosen up" with Nabiki, Genma had come up with the incredibly clever (in his own mind at least) idea of sprinkling catnip on Ranma's boxer shorts and stuffing a roll of it in the seam. This, he felt, would cement the Tendo-Saotome alliance.  
  
Ukyo and Shampoo, hearing *their* Ranma being attacked by that weird catgirl, attempted to intervene.  
  
With Nabiki stoned out of her mind from a catnip overdose, her control over something else was lacking. Felines did something else that humans did not. Something of a monthly nature.  
  
"Hey! Those are my pants! Put them down Nabiki!"  
  
"Aiyah! Crazy catgirl no make off with airen's... hmmm."  
  
"Hmmmm."  
  
"WOULD YOU TWO STOP STARING! Nabiki's on catnip but she's acting even weirder than usual. Maybe if we... uh oh she's getting ready to do something."  
  
"Stupid catgirl miss Shampoo! Oh. That Shampoo's best pantsuit you no take!"  
  
"What's she doing?!"  
  
"Shampoo say she take off spatula girl's breast bindings, top, and spatula. Now out window with Shampoo's and Airen's clothes. Shampoo will get revenge!"  
  
"Uh oh, Ranchan, I don't like the look in her eyes."  
  
"Shampoo see that look in Mousse's eyes once. Shampoo say 'uh oh' too!"  
  
"No, Nabiki. Don't! Lemmee go! Stop rubbing your face on my..."  
  
"Catgirl stop... AHHH! Shampoo not mean you grab Shampoo! Catgirl is pervert girl! Get off Shampoo!"  
  
"Let's get out of here, Ranchan, while Shampoo keeps her... uh oh. Nice kitty! Nice kitty! No! Nice kitties don't do that!"  
  
Jared, out on a date with Kasumi, felt a chill but didn't otherwise react. He had more pressing concerns.   
  
Besides, Ranma could handle it.  
  
-------  
  
Very Very Elsewhere:  
  
"'Pika pi'!" ("Where the hell am I now?!") "Pi ika!" (Sorry, couldn't resist.)  
  
Kiyone looked down at the palm display. "How am *I* supposed to know?"  
  
"Pi pika pi pikachu." Ed sighed, resulting in a little mushroom puff of air. (Isn't this sort of thing only supposed to happen to Grey?)  
  
"Could be worse," Kiyone said, then clapped a hand over her mouth.  
  
"Kiiiiyoneeeee!" A blonde appeared at the far end of the street and began moving at high speeds towards them.  
  
"AAAA!" Kiyone summed up her opinion and started working the D-Hopper at high speeds. "Nonononono! No Mihoshi. Mihoshi bad. I'll get an ulcer before I turn thirty."  
  
Ed nodded. Kiyone + Mihoshi = a sort of Junior Dirty Pair. Property values plummeted.  
  
"Kiiiiyoonneeee!" Mihoshi leapt.  
  
Kiyone and Ed vanished.  
  
*WHAM!*  
  
Mihoshi did a full speed, one point (her nose) landing on some boy.   
  
Ryoga looked up, saw the blonde girl straddling him like an oil rig, and particularly at the two flotation devices framing his face.  
  
*SPLURT!* *THUD!*  
  
Mihoshi saw the nosebleed and faint and came to an incorrect if understandable conclusion. "Oh no! I've hurt some poor Earthperson! What do I do? What do I do?"  
  
After a few minutes of repeating this, she had an idea. Take him to the Yagami and have her ship's medical scanners work on him!   
  
How she ended up launching the Yagami was another question.  
  
Ryoga, finding himself in deep space with a perky blonde spacebunny, figured he'd try flying it back to Earth while the spacebunny spent a lot of time fretting. How hard could it be, anyway?  
  
--------  
  
Elsewhere  
  
Jared had split himself into three versions, mainly trying to get a lot done at the same time. Right now one was staying at the Tendo home. Another was trying to clear his mind of a sordid maze of problems he had just left. Also to resume where he'd left off.  
  
"Well, at least it's a beach this time." Mina bounced over to the sands and spiked her tent in the ground. They'd use it for shade and a place to relax later.  
  
Amy, Helen and Lita ran over to join her, spreading out blankets and putting away food baskets where they would stay cool.  
  
Michelle kissed her ring and was surrounded by waves of water suspended in rings around her. With a laugh she flew over to the sea and disappeared underwater, then returned a moment later with a huge and ornate shell. "The water's fine. Safe from all predators and swimmable, at least. Look at this shell!"  
  
The Pheonix Mage grudgingly admitted that this was, in all probability, superior to any beach on California they'd find. Unless they hit one a rough thousand years before the tourist seasons began.  
  
As half the girls were already swimming, splashing, searching out sea shells or other ocean treasures, the volleyball courts were already drawn and the refreshments started, the Mage decided it wasn't worth relocating and went out to join in the fun.  
  
Susan was the first to notice the shooting star. "Shampoo, your Scout realm is Air. Do we have any meteorlogical dangers here?"  
  
The perky, purple-haired Amazon touched an earring and a visor spread over her face as she began scanning. "Is no meteor. Is spaceship."  
  
Cologne, who was suntanning nearby, winced. "Shampoo, *must* you?"  
  
Shampoo giggled. "I'm sorry, but it's so *fun* to speak like that sometimes."  
  
The Pheonix mage ran by, pursued by a dozen girls bearing tickling instruments and feathers. Shampoo blinked. "What? The 'Tickle Husband' contest has already begun? Excuse me." She vanished in a puff of purple hair and a flash of feet.  
  
Shan floated down beside Cologne and Susan, gripping her power key staff in one hand while she munched on a gooey fritter stick with the other. Like all the girls, her swimsuit was flattering, elaborate and beautiful, and gave the impression of being far less decent than it actually was.  
  
"Shan," Susan asked. "Is that falling spaceship going to hit us?"  
  
The Ifurita class cyborg looked up at the falling star, so bright and close that it was visible in the daylight. Tossing the last of the fritter stick in her mouth, she sucked off the goo from her fingers and leveled the power staff. A bolt of light spat out and met the oncoming meteor. When the two met and touched they expanded into a stationary cloud of debris.  
  
"It not danger now!" Shan chirped as she sped off for seconds.  
  
"Oh my." Chorused the Tendo Twins, Kasumi and Nabiki, and they paused in coming up bearing  
an ice chest between them.  
  
Susan fought the urge to giggle. ~Trust Shan to...~ "Sailors Gemini, we should go check for survivors."  
  
Cologne raised up on her arms, then reached back to fasten her top from where she'd opened it to receive more of this sun's rays, still delighting in her newfound youth. "I'll come too."  
  
Scarlet ran up. "Hey! Can I come too?" Then her hands found their way to her hips and she berated the two other Tendos. "Kasumi, Nabiki, you don't have to shudder *every* time I come along, you know."  
  
Cologne was chuckling. "Well, ever since that other Akane began disguising herself as you to steal our underwear..."  
  
"That pervert swings BOTH ways?!!" Scarlet shuddered. "Ugh. No, I take that back, shudder all you want." She then went on muttering about what she was going to do to that perverted hedonist the next time they caught her.  
  
Susan directed a look to the young elder. "Akane doesn't steal girls underwear. She's only interested in doing perverted things to Jay-chan."  
  
"The way that 'Slashing and Burning' can be compared to bringing home firewood." Kasumi whispered aside to her sisters.  
  
Scarlet ceased muttering to listen.  
  
Cologne pulled a pair of silk boxers with a pheonix embroidered on them out from nowhere. "I didn't say she stole the underwear we *wear*. Only that it was ours."  
  
The Tendo Twins each pulled out similar treasures and began to rub them with their cheeks, giving out long, drawn out sighs of pleasure.  
  
Scarlet hung her head. "You guys are *SO* weird."  
  
"You haven't tried it," muttered Cologne.  
  
Susan coughed into her fist. "Uh, survivors? Anyone want to go look for them?"  
  
A batwinged Ranko circled around. Should she mention it or not? Oh dear.  
  
--------  
  
Mihoshi wailed as the lifepod made a few more plaintive beeps then shut down.  
  
Ryoga merely stared. Somehow somewhere he knew. He held the crying girl close and went to his stance of Righteous Declaration. "RANMA SAOTOME, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" It had to be Ranma's fault.   
  
It was Ranma's fault he was stranded on some strange planet!  
  
It was Ranma's fault that he was stuck on a tropical island on a strange planet!  
  
It was Ranma's fault that he was stuck on a tropical island on a strange planet with some curvy blonde spacebunny!  
  
It was Ranma's fault that he was stuck hugging some curvy blonde spacebunny on some tropical island on some strange planet!  
  
It was Ranma's fault that the curvy blonde spacebunny was hugging him back on some tropical island on some strange planet and...  
  
Ryoga Hibiki stopped. He was on a strange planet. On a tropical island stocked with exotic fruits. With a blonde curvaceous spacebunny. Who was hugging him. And crying. And he wasn't turning into a pig?!  
  
Ryoga began freaking out. He didn't see any demons from hell, taunting redheaded transgendered martial artists, or anything really BAD (by his standards at least) occurring around him. This was something unique in Ryoga Hibiki's life.  
  
"Why aren't I turning into a pig?" Ryoga wondered aloud, a wave breaking over his foot.  
  
"Hmmm. Oh it must've been the medical facilities, I had it run a full diagnostic and use a nanobot 'fix everything' curative." Mihoshi sniffled a few times. While this guy was no Tenchi, he certainly had broad shoulders. All the better to cry on considering how Kiyone had vanished again.  
  
Ryoga blinked. Everything fixed? That meant...  
  
Ryoga fainted, unable to deal with the concept that something good had happened to him.  
  
--------  
  
Back in the Pokemon world just vacated:  
  
Jessie sighed and looked sadly into the mirror. She was back to her accustomed natural beauty, but... her old dream had been so close to unexpected fulfillment. She could have been a pokemon nurse, nobody would have thought twice about a Chansey in such a role.   
  
She was just having trouble getting enthusiastic about being a member of Team Rocket. Maybe they should go after something besides Ash's Pikachu... Maybe.  
  
"I've got it!" Jessie brightened slightly.  
  
"What's that Jessie?" James asked from where he was similarly moping. The mage could at least have made him a pretty pokemon. No he had to be a Bug type, then turned back. Phooey.  
  
"The Mage left that scrawny girl-twerp with the main twerp!" Jessie proclaimed, managing to fake a certain amount of enthusiasm. "And he gave her a stone which would transform her back from being some Mermaid to human again! She hasn't used it yet, I'll bet!"  
  
James blinked, immediately picturing himself as a mermaid. "Hmmmm."  
  
Meowth brought a fist down on an open palm. "That's brilliant! We'll swipe a unique Mermaid type, *and* that stone! And maybe we can get Pikachu while we're at it!"  
  
"Bwahahahahahahaha!" The sound of three clueless bandits echoed into the woods.  
  
A few miles away, Misty got a chill. Even inside her pokeball.  
  
----------  
  
SMJ World:  
  
Jared had cast a "Body Outside Body" spell and had split into several selves. Using the duplicated Spelltrap, he was able to maintain more than one of himself for an extended time. Current estimates were that he could do this for a week before having to re-merge, and then he might have to spend yet *more* time recovering.  
  
The one in the SMJ world was attempting to recover as much of Geltland's plasma technology as possible.   
  
And watching little drow girls, human girls, and human boys interacting in the palace grounds. This was most strange.  
  
Lorelei was scared of him. Not surprising. She had a *massive* amount of guilt that she was carrying around, despair over her feelings for Otaru Mamiya, and felt responsible for the entirity of Terra Two. She was afraid he would turn out to be an angel of vengeance. She was afraid also of many things that she herself could not name.  
  
She also missed Nabiki. The doctor and the catgirl had gotten along amazingly (and surprisingly) well considering how different the two were. It served to remind Jared that sometimes not having a lot in common was better than having the wrong things in common.  
  
The plasma technology was only half of the mission objectives, however. Project Payback was still underway.  
  
So was something unusual.  
  
Jared had noted that several marionette prototypes were still loyal to Ginseng. Not all were powerful prototypes, some were tests of a particular muscle fiber or memory circuit where the unit had to be observed over a long period of time. There were marionettes that looked like "standard" units, marionettes that had very obviously been customized to look like characters that Jared was *quite* familiar with, and marionettes which had been developed that were just too strange for everyday use no matter how well she worked.  
  
And ever since they had found out that Jared knew where Ginseng had gone, and was capable of going there he had been under constant surveillance.  
  
Jared glanced to the sides as he walked towards his lab. The ninja-girl and the spidergirl (six arms and clung to walls) were watching from the shadows. The Kiima-lookalike was half-hidden by that roof's peak over there. Some were more obvious than others. A fairly common model, except that she had an Ishi Kairo and had been used to test a new concept in artificial nerve actuators, was one of the more obvious ones. As she was still stuck in the barrel she'd fallen in yesterday, Jared looked down at the pair of legs and blue kimono sticking out and bit back an unkind comment. If she was still there this evening he'd have to pull her out before her batteries were depleted.  
  
The main thrust of his studies, the plasma technologies, had proven to be a tough nut to crack. On several occasions, he'd been tempted to summon Grey, simply because 'Ginseng' already had a considerable amount of experience with the whole thing. Gennai, Lorelei, and any of the Japonesse scientists hadn't any clue. Heck, most of what *Ginseng* had come up with they didn't fully understand and s/he had left notes! (Not many, and some were written in odd languages, but there were notes.)  
  
The Geltland records he'd managed to collect weren't much better. In order to safely discharge or store the energy of multiple plasma strikes, one needed cooling tubes, pumps, exchange devices, among other things. It was possible to build a ship that could safely move through a plasma storm, a big ship. Not build the same thing into a marionette, unless the marionette was 60 ft tall at least.  
  
There were missing records and data, however. Jared was missing one major piece of the puzzle, and that irked him.  
  
The Japonesse government was also looking for Doctor Hess, the brain behind the plasma-dispersal system among a lot of other things that Faust had utilized. They hadn't found him, which didn't surprise Jared too much. That *he* couldn't locate the mad scientist was a bit more surprising. Some of the data accumulated indicated that Hess *might* be more of a problem than most of the natives combined.  
  
"Ivan..." Jared breathed, hoping it wasn't true. If it *was* the Specialist, the records indicated he'd been on this world for two hundred years. Artificially reincarnating himself much the same as Faust (First) and Ieyasu had done. What he could have done or learned in that amount of time was worrisome. And if he was still working for the same boss the last time a certain superspy adventurer had crossed his path...  
  
Well, that *could* pose a problem.   
  
-------  
  
Akumakun/Ranma timeline:  
  
Akane brought the two battered tin cups, apple cider for one and milk for the other. "Tweren't expecting visitors this late, y'know? Ah really need to find some other name. Akane's out as the native's still around."  
  
"Though many of the natives seem to regard you as the real Akane," pointed out Jared as he sipped at his cider. Hmm. A blend. Granny Smith and... Macintosh?  
  
"Well, they're calling you Akai and Akane, Akane, though some are calling you Akane and my sister Akuma," noted Nabiki, resisting the urge to pour the milk into a saucer and lap it up. She avoided saying anything about the not-in-genre camping lantern. It was too late, and frankly she was feeling some embarassment about her earlier actions.  
  
"My point, it's too confusing with two 'Akanes' running around." Akane said, tossing her hair back and winking. Secretly she wondered what Nabiki could have done where SHE looked embarassed. Probably none of her business but she was curious anyway. "Which is another reason ah wanted to move out."  
  
"Your loss," pointed out Nabiki, "that furo is just wonderrrful."  
  
"You mean that and Akane regarding you as the demon responsible for those problems she doesn't blame myself or Ranma for," Jared noted. "Though she's not THAT particular about assigning blame."  
  
"This way ah can spend my time immersed in the martial arts, and mebbee get some honest sleep." Akane shrugged. "With Kasumi around trying to 'awaken my feminine nature' that was gonna be a problem sooner or later. Even if i used the Security Protocols to lock her out..."  
  
There was a knock at the door.   
  
"So how did the Big Date go?" With a slight frown, Akane went to the door, opened it briefly, then slammed it shut with a panicked expression. "Whatamigonna do?!"  
  
"Is it Black Bart?" Nabiki asked. She had some Kasumi pictures to try to sell him. Who else would be skulking in the dead of night like this?  
  
"Is it my fiancees?" panicked Jared. Had they figured out his trick of the spelltrapped Body Outside Body spell? And would he now be dragged off to the beach for a group date?  
  
"It isn't Kuno-baby, is it?" Nabiki asked with arched brow. Kuno had been trying to get pictures of both Akane, his "pigtailed girl", and the "fire haired lass" and it was getting *awfully* hard to say no when the amount offered kept going up. Though it was after midnight, and somehow Kuno didn't strike her as being that much the night owl.  
  
"Excuse me," said a woman's voice. "May I come in?"  
  
"It's Ami," said Akane, blocking the door and looking a little freaked. "What do i do? How the blazes do i explain THIS?!"  
  
Jared nodded thoughtfully. "How do you explain that her husband is currently five years younger and female?" It wasn't the sort of question to normally come up, even on one of those daytime talk shows. Well, not very often anyway.  
  
"Excuse me," said the voice from the door, knocking again. The door rattled.  
  
"Maybe we should blast it open?" Another female voice asked.  
  
"Eeep?!" Akane began to go from Somewhat Panicked to Horribly Embarassed with a side order of Panic.  
  
"Well, I could..." Jared began considering possibilities out of this. He could try a Teleport, of course. Except if he did that he'd run the chance of Grey's luck factor working something in. Maybe cast an Illusion of an empty room? No, they obviously knew he was here. Maybe...  
  
The door flew open, crashing into the far wall. Unfortunately, Akane was still on the far side of that door. "owie..."  
  
Ami stepped in, quickly flanked by Haruka and Michiru. "Where is he? What have you done with him?"  
  
"That's actually rather complicated," said Jared truthfully.  
  
"He's behind that door," said Michiru, pointing at the same door that had just been flung across the room.  
  
When the door had been removed to reveal a sixteen year old long haired girl in a western outfit, there was much staring.  
  
"I could have sworn," Michiru said with some hesitation, "that that was him."  
  
Haruka pulled open the shirt of the unconscious girl. "Nope. Definitely not a him."  
  
"...but i don't wanna go to a Ranma/Wind Named Amnesia timeline..."  
  
"Grey?!" Ami squeaked, staring at the girl who was groaning and beginning to get up.  
  
"...uhm, hi Ami. Errr. Uhm. i..."  
  
Haruka squatted down again, yanking off the girl's sport bra and giving a closer examination. "He... is a girl!" She squeezed the evidence in question. Certainly felt real.  
  
"Please don't do that," said Akane.  
  
Jared faded into the background, pulling Nabiki with him. He had a feeling, especially as the rest of the "Scouts" (plus three cast members of Evangelion) were crowding the room, that things were already more than complicated enough and he should give them time to sort things out.  
  
Nabiki, on the other hand, wanted to hear this and had to be physically carried away.  
  
Akane looked down. "Uhm, Haruka? They're real. Could ya stop doing that?"  
  
Makoto looked at the girl, and remembered a scene she'd seen as she had entered the dimensional barrier.  
  
------  
  
The crowd of new students got off the bus and stood around with their luggage, getting their first good look at the new environs.  
  
"Chilly today," said a tall girl with her brown hair pulled back in a ponytail to no one in particular. She was feeling friendless and in a strange environment.  
  
"Hi people," a darkskinned whitehaired woman said. "It's a bit cool today, but these students with me will help show you to your rooms and help with your briefing."  
  
The young man who stepped up to the tall girl gave her a frankly appraising look, then smiled. "Hi. i'm Kes. Need help with your bag?"  
  
"Uhm, Lita, Lita Storm, look I can manage," the tall girl responded. Though she found herself liking the way the boy wasn't put off by her height.  
  
The boy shrugged. "Okay, well. Japanese?"  
  
"Half," Lita said, lifting her bags. "Just show me to my room, will ya?"  
  
Shrugging again, the boy led her into the main building. "Okay, but if you want a tour guide or whatever, i'm available. Cafeteria's that way, there's studies all over the place, and downstairs is off limits. What's your juice anyway, if you don't mind me askin'?"  
  
"'Juice'?" Lita wondered if she would ever get the hang of English.  
  
"'Juice' as in power, talent, ability. Don't wanna pry, but if you've got something really dangerous like poison sweat it's best if you let people know in advance." Kes led her to a large room with a lot of bunks. "Well, grab one. Everybody else's doin' the tour thing."  
  
"Right," Lita said, deciding to grab a top bunk in the corner. "You can go now."  
  
Kes shrugged, he'd hoped to make a friend but it was getting obvious that the tall girl was sincerely not interested. "Okay, well, don't forget that everyone else here, mostly, is the same as you."  
  
"Somehow I doubt that," said Lita. "What do you mean 'mostly'?"  
  
"Well, there's two normal humans here, and then there's me. Everybody else is mutants like yourself. Welcome to 'Xavier's School For Gifted Children' and if you got any other questions use the phone over there."   
  
Lita blinked as she watched the boy leave. If he wasn't a normal human and he wasn't a mutant, what did that leave?  
  
--------  
  
"I'm pretty sure they're real," repeated Haruka, hefting one globe. "Michie, what do you think?"  
  
"Yes, that does look to be the case," opined Michiru. "Though i think if you would stop before she runs shrieking through the wall..."  
  
Haruka was about to say something else when a fist slammed into her chin.  
  
"This ain't the green grocer, and those ain't melons, and you ain't makin' no purchase!" Akane yanked her shirt closed, glaring at the target of her unhappiness.  
  
There was a moment of staring at where Haruka was lying out cold on the floor.  
  
"Now THAT she had coming," offered Makoto to many nods and sounds of agreement.  
  
Ami leaned close, staring into chestnut brown eyes.   
  
"Uhm, Ami-chan?!"  
  
Ami seemed to find something that she was looking for. "We will discuss this later, husband."  
  
Akane flinched "...oh dear..."  
  
"Uhm, how did you, I mean," Minako was eyeing the girl uncertainly.  
  
"i was summoned here by the Pheonix Mage, a designated prince of the Moon Kingdom." Akane gestured at herself. "Why this happened, we don't have a clue."  
  
Jared, off in the distance (still carrying Nabiki), suddenly felt a chill. Twice in one night. How odd. Maybe he ought to have Grey cast a Cure Disease just to be sure.  
  
Makoto watched the byplay and remembered another scene.  
  
-------  
  
A month had passed and Lita had her answer at last.  
  
Lita stared at where a crew of evil mutants had decided to screw the skulking and just go for an all out assault on the School. And had met some heavy resistance.  
  
Kes was Kestral. An Empowered. No longer quite human by all accounts in the media. Someone who had been specifically named as an example of "too dangerous to be allowed to remain free" by a popular Senator.  
  
Kestral, whom she'd blown off as a normal human (who therefore couldn't understand what she was going through), had proven capable of going toe-to-toe with the Juggernaut for almost ten minutes! (They were going to have to rebuild that section of campus almost completely now.)  
  
Her *own* power, that she'd thought so impressive and had experienced such angst over because it distanced her from normal humanity (she could lift over two tons) was... maybe not as impressive around here as she'd thought.  
  
Ororo threw lightning bolts. Piotr turned into a metal man whose strength dwarfed her own. And some of those they faced were extremely powerful.  
  
Then the one named Magneto faced Kestral, put up a magnetic bottle, and because Kestral was largely an energy being, was having the life sucked out of him.  
  
Lita wondered exactly what she could do. She was kind of outclassed here. From assuming she was the Toughest Girl On Campus, she'd gone to Seriously Underpowered for these games.  
  
-------  
  
"AMI!" Makoto scolded, breaking her silence. She knew now how that other self had frozen in indecision, but still ended up as Kes' girlfriend mainly through the actions of her new friends. Well, she was a fiancee herself. And she'd listened in her own lifetime to Ami discussing times that Ami and Grey had been together.  
  
Ami broke off her berating of Grey for getting himself stuck in this sort of thing.  
  
"It wasn't his fault," said Makoto, moving immediately to the Understanding and Supportive Fiancee role. After all, from what she'd seen Grey=Kes Makoto=Lita. That meant in this other world she'd glimpsed, they had been married!  
  
Makoto colored slightly in rememberance. Well, didn't *this* complicate things!  
  
--------  
  
Meanwhile, back at the Tendo dojo:  
  
"Hold still, Ranma-honey."  
  
"That stings you know."  
  
"Shampoo no can reach these scratches. Airen please to use medicine?"  
  
"Let *me* handle that instead, sugar."  
  
"Hmmmph! Shampoo know many recipe for cat..."  
  
"Hey now, Nabiki didn't know what she was doin', okay? She just got weirded out 'cause of something stupid oyaji did. Normally, you give her catnip and she either chases her tail or gets all mellow. This was weird."  
  
"No argument from me, Ranma-honey."  
  
"Shampoo also think weird. But think maybe Spatula Girl and Catgirl make cute couple."  
  
"HEY! What's THAT supposed to mean!"  
  
"Shampoo think that's why Spatula Girl still dress like boy. Is she already..."  
  
"Take that back!"  
  
"Uhm, guys. Could ya stop fighting like that in here? It's uhm, it's uhm, unseemly."  
  
"gwoak wakku wak wuuuu!"  
  
"Shampoo, can you stop pulling Ucchan's cheeks like that?"  
  
"gnnnnggg!"  
  
"Uchann, let go of Shampoo's tongue!"  
  
"Graaa!"  
  
"Oh, now *that* looks uncomfortable. C'mon guys, you're ripping off your bandages, and that healing cream stuff is getting smeared everywhere. Can't you just..."  
  
*SPLASH!*  
  
"Uhm, SASAMI?"  
  
"Yes Ranma?"  
  
"I'd pull them out of the hot spring but I have a feeling I'd be the one to end up at the bottom."  
  
"Very likely."  
  
"Hmmmm. Think you're gonna have to change the water."  
  
"I'd say so."  
  
"DIE, YOU BRAZEN HUS" (glub!)  
  
"SHAMPOO GET RID OF STUPID " (glub!)  
  
(gasp!) "Stop pulling my hair you bimbo" (burble!)  
  
(gasp!) "Xi Fang Ga" (glurple!)  
  
"Oh yeah! Here's some of your own medicine back at ya!"  
  
"What a mess."  
  
"Might I suggest a hot cup of cocoa, Ranma? Let them work this out on their own."  
  
"Think you're right SASAMI."  
  
(glurp!) (gurble!) (scrub-scrub-scrub) (scrub-scrub-scrub)  
  
-------  
  
Third Labor Timeline: 818 AD  
  
Ranma griped and moaned and all but cursed.  
  
He was viewed on by sympathy by most, tolerance by everyone else. After all, everyone knew how close the two lovers had been.  
  
"How could she *do* that?!" Ranma, son of Jerem, grumbled again.  
  
"It was her decision," pointed out old Father Keian. "She'd always wanted to be a part of the Exploration Team. When she was removed due to her allergies..."  
  
Ranma spent some time muttering phrases dealing with stubborness, and a lack of both foresight and consideration for others. Then Ranma went still. There were a few nudges and knowing looks among the crowd, just *knowing* what was to come.  
  
"It's too dangerous to go by yourself. I have to go to where you found her boat," Ranma said, craning his head up to look into Ami's eyes. "Give me an hour to collect supplies. "I'm going to have to catch up with her." This was followed again by muttering about stubborness and the uncompleted sentence about what he'd do when he caught up with her.  
  
Actually, what exactly would happen when Ranma caught up with Ukyo would be a major topic of speculation and private wagering for months to come.  
  
-------  
  
Ranma/Akumakun timeline:  
  
SASAMI monitored with her usual efficiency.  
  
Ranma finished his cup of hot chocolate and wandered off to bed.  
  
SASAMI noted that the two warriors' battle had turned sluggish and that their responses indicated either intoxication or else they'd literally beaten each other senseless. Using simple light projections, SASAMI was able to lead the two to Ranma's room. She wasn't completely clear on the tangled relationships but felt that having the patients all together was most efficient.  
  
Nabiki arrived, dragging herself home. For whatever odd reason, she passed her own room by, sniffing repeatedly, then entering Ranma's room and curling up at the foot of the bed.  
  
SASAMI debated getting a cat basket for Nabiki.  
  
Akane arrived home after another long night of training from her Master, Happosai. She promptly collapsed on her own bed.  
  
Kasumi started her day in an atypical fashion, with a phone call. SASAMI noted the anomaly and began making breakfast.  
  
It wasn't until Ranma awoke that things really began going oddly.  
  
-------  
  
Ranma considered shrieking and clinging to the ceiling. He had a number of good reasons to do so. Against such a thing, this was all so bizarre that he wasn't sure it couldn't be a dream sequence.  
  
Nabiki was curled up at the foot of his bed. NOT the usual state of affairs, by a long shot. He was also pretty sure she usually slept in pajamas, not a pair of pink panties. She had come down in her PJs a few times for breakfast, and Ranma had noticed all the little kitties on her PJs.  
  
Shampoo and Ukyo were asleep, and not wearing a whole lot either. Unlike Nabiki, they were covered by a blanket but what wasn't covered by the blanket was showing bare skin. Also very NOT the usual state of affairs.  
  
Ranma considered again the merits of shrieking and clinging to the ceiling like Spiderman. If he did so, he had a feeling that three girls would destroy his room in seconds and this was the first time in his life he had a comfortable bed. It getting shredded would not be a great loss, but it would consititute a loss. Hmmm.  
  
Before meeting up with his brother, Ranma just reacted to things. It was the way Genma had taught him.  
  
Ranma had been informed repeatedly, and he'd had to agree, that Genma Saotome was not exactly the most sterling example to follow. Did he want to end up like his Father or like that old lech?  
  
Not only no, but Hell No.  
  
So Ranma did something unusual. He treated this like a fight. What would happen, how to counter it, and how to overcome the adversary known as His Life. Ranma considered What Could Go Wrong, and started working out counterattacks.  
  
Nabiki stretched and yawned. The motion went up the bed, jostling three people. Two of whom began to stir themselves.  
  
Ranma considered for a third time the option of leaping to the ceiling and clinging to it.  
  
"Rrrrrraaa?!"  
  
"Mrrrrowww?!"  
  
Ranma blinked as Ukyo licked his cheek and Shampoo nuzzled him. He found an option that he hadn't considered before, one that actually had a chance of him not being pummelled. He fainted.  
  
-------  
  
Akane (Grey) had learned many martial arts styles over the course of several lifetimes. In Grey's first life, he'd been pretty good in kempo and western fencing (sabre style particularly, reflexes for kempo pretty much foiling his attempts with the foil.)   
  
After some time with valkyries, a few more weapons skills had developed. Then the schools of Whatever Works Engineering, a few Amazon manuevers, a few years of Northern Shaolin Kung Fu, Taiko Drum Stick Fighting, and a certain amount of Anything Goes.  
  
One of his previous selves/Alternates (Nebula, aka Basalt) had been trained extensively as a professional soldier and bodyguard particularly in rod, chain, fencing foil, sabre, and thrown weapons. Kestral had been in enough fights that a natural brawling style had developed, though in later years he'd had to go up against the likes of Juggernaut or the Hulk for a decent workout.   
  
Plus the current style, Martial Arts Ranching.  
  
All in all he (when he was he, as opposed to currently where he was a she) preferred *weapons* based styles and fighting with weapons. Guns such as revolvers lacked grace and class, whereas a Wilk's laser pistol had both. Lightsabers were, quite frankly, cool. A Jabberworks "Demonbuster" particle beam rifle (1d6x10+10 MD, 1200ft range, 10 shots/e-clip, 15#) was a wonderfully comforting weight in one's hands. (One of those cases where one could walk through the Valley Of The Shadow Of Death knowing full well that you'd at least be able to do some serious damage before one passed on.) Or, better yet, an A-Wing or similar craft.   
  
Which made Akane (Grey) hang her head and groan, as Black Bart's morning attack had caused all those various reflexes to conflict with each other. Resulting in her standing there twitching while a cloud of knockout gas had rolled over her.  
  
Resulting in the current situation, where Akane had found herself (some would say inevitably) tied to a railroad track while Black Bart chuckled evilly in the background.  
  
There were worse aspects of this whole thing. Currently she was wearing a wedding dress. As she'd started out wearing her Shinto priestess robes, this was concerning for more than one reason.  
  
Turning her head around, Akane saw where Black Bart and his crowd stood getting some last minute instructions from their boss.  
  
Grey had tried to become something other than Akane, several times since entering this timeline. Dragon, cyborg, ANYTHING other than the twin of a sixteen year old overreactive violent tomboy. Though Angel form might be do-able, it would not be able to escape and would exhaust her again.  
  
Failure again.  
  
Normal Akane-level strength. Figure a 15 or 20 on a Champions scale. If able to get leverage and "push" the statistic, via rage, Akane could easily bend the rail and get free.  
  
Grey could neither get leverage nor summon sufficient anger. Black Bart was merely acting in the manner his own honor led him to as the Heir of Martial Arts Stage Villainry. His men (including Dakota) were all a group of misfits, but none of them were really BAD compared to some of the people he'd met over his various lives.   
  
His various other Incarnations could agree on THAT at least. Phoenix gang members who'd kill in cold blood just to while away an afternoon could be remembered by the core Grey. Frostbite could remember meeting dragons who were just as evil. Kestral could remember maniacs like Doctor Gabe and thoroughly amoral beings like Sabretooth.   
  
"Bart! What are you doing? What do you think Kasumi will think of this!"  
  
"Oh dear! Akane, you're awake!"  
  
Akane stared at KASUMI stepping away from the crowd to look down at her little sister. "K-Kasumi?!"  
  
"I'm sorry Akane, but you'll feel so much better if you're married to a nice boy, and if you have some children I won't have to worry about you killing yourself." Kasumi looked sadly at the girl tied to the railroad track. "That's why I convinced Mr Bart to capture you."  
  
"...oh crap..." Akane realized that moving out of the house had *not* been sufficient. Clerical spells would require hands to be free, nothing memorized that would rust metal or cut chains. Transformative abilities- inoperative. Kestral's abilities depended on being a weird sort of energy-fortified being, therefore also not possible. "Kasumi this really isn't a good idea. I'm not really Akane, you know."  
  
"I'm sorry Akane, but you'll realize this is for your own good eventually. You'll overcome all these delusions and find there's so much yet to live for." Kasumi smiled at her sister. Love could cure all ills after all.  
  
And Akane certainly looked ill right now.  
  
=========  
  
Well, things have started moving towards a resolution. No, seriously.  
  
Would i kid you about something like that?  
  
=========  
  
Third Labor, chapter 20: "Akane's Wedding"  
...or "Card Games"  
  
gregg sharp, metroanime@mindspring.com  
some scenes by White Pheonix  
  
DISCLAIMER: this is pretty weird. various authors own various characters and concepts.   
  
-------  
  
Ranma/Akumakun timeline:  
  
"Dang she's stubborn," Wyoming said, gesturing towards the girl tied up to the railroad track.  
  
Dakota held up her black-gloved hand and made a gesture of silence. It sounded like the posse had finally arrived.  
  
"How the heck did we get here?"  
  
"I told you that bandana boy didn't look reliable!"  
  
"Cute fangs, though!"  
  
"Mitsuishi-san, you've been playing too many boy-hungry characters lately."  
  
The five members of the gang waited until the three women had stepped out among their concealing rocks before leaping up with guns drawn.  
  
"AAAAAAAA!" The three women's response was predictable.  
  
"If only I had my motorcycle," said a very attractive one as she reached for the sky.  
  
"That does it, if we get out of here alive," griped a short but very cute one, "RYOGA HIBIKI, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"  
  
"Eh-heh, oh dear." The third glanced towards the railroad track. "I don't suppose we wandered into some theme park I've never heard of?"  
  
"Hey, Ah gotta idea!" Colorado brightened visibly. "That there Akane is a hero type, right? So what if we tie these here fillies to the railroad tracks. If we can't threaten *her* and get her to fold..."  
  
"Well damn," said Dakota, "you're gettin' half a brain in there. Though you call any girl around here a filly again an' Ah'll bop you. Good thing we brought plenty of rope."  
  
--------  
  
The Old West was strange about some things.  
  
For one, heroes were allowed to be card sharks. To cheat, rob and even swindle with a deck of playing cards until the plaques practically smoked from the amount of crime burnt onto their little decorated backs, and the Old West would only admire him for the skill to do it. He could make a living defrauding miners and farm hands from their honest pay and anyone stupid enough to sit down at a gambling table was deemed to deserve it.  
  
In the Old West if you gambled you were deserving of every bit of profit or loss no matter how the cards fell, how they got there or who helped them do it.  
  
Not that ever helped anyone who got caught cheating. Martial Arts Cardsharping honored only winners. Losers deserved what they got. It became an interesting game of wandering gamblers and the town's best to see who was better at catching the other's slimy tricks while getting away with his own, though the townsfolk usually got together behind their own. Cash that wandered away on the next four horseshoes out of town wasn't there any more to be spent on things in it, so waitresses and barkeeps had an interesting habit of slipping loaded decks into the hands   
of their own boy if the game was looking sour. Things could be thrown, threats made, lies told, cheaters often prospered and the sneakiest dog on the prairie often walked away with the gold.  
  
No, the antics of a deck of cards were as involved and intricate as those behind a shootout, but backstabbing was worth triple points.  
  
That was why Jared had chosen this game, Black Bart was almost sure to win it. With the amount of villainy involved he'd have been right in his element, it would be a cinch for the Bad Guy to make off with the take...  
  
...and in this case the only thing gambled was the right to court Kasumi.  
  
It was an excellent plan, elegant in its simplicity. All he had to do was lose and he'd be out from the engagement forever. Bart would have full rights to court Kasumi but she no obligation to marry him, Jared could stay in town (though somewhat at a loss for reputation) and get the last of his training before setting sail with the Pirates Kuno.  
  
Sadly, he had not expected to be dealt a royal flush.  
  
Although he didn't know it, Jared rather suspected that some small black feline somewhere was choking on his tail smothering laughter so that it wouldn't ring out over this mortal plane.  
  
In point of fact Toltiir was saved from that embarrassment only by the timely intervention of a hairball, on which he choked, and would have sniggered himself to death at that irony had that even been possible. Not that the elder god of mischief and the lighter side of chaos had actually needed to do anything, Jared's luck factor was enough to throw random factors in his favor whenever they were allowed to do so.  
  
Black Bart would've chewed nastily on the crumpled end of a black cigar had he been any less refined of a villain. As it was he delicately sipped at a small glass of beverage (ice tea, if anyone was interested) and twirled his mustache curls in place where lesser men might have toyed with a cigarette (Kasumi had no place to say it to her father but she also disapproved of smoking).  
  
Jared scowled.  
  
Krieger had insisted on a good and comprehensive Old West education and it turned out the boys' brief foray into Martial Arts Old West Gambling (under the town master) revealed that most of it was simple observation. Ranma had a knack for seeing things that was downright uncanny (though he typically only used it in fights) and from a life used to spotting secret   
doors and extra training where life and limb were at stake all Jared had needed to know what what to look for.  
  
On the slimmest margin of barest hope Jared had read the villain's cards in the reflection of his opponent's glass (Jared's own cards were flat on the table in front of him - face down. He'd only needed to see them once).   
  
Black Bart had a pair of fours.  
  
Though from the way Jared was so all-fired upset the villain was sure he had a decent chance. It might have been true, but the hero was struggling over a way to lose this thing. Any cards discarded would be face up, open to view, and people would ask questions if he threw away the vital part of a winning hand after the cards all went face up.  
  
It wasn't the Heroic Thing to do, after all, and folks would inevitably notice.  
  
The Hero heaved a sigh again. If this had been in the depths of some villainous lair, surrounded by cutthroats, he could do all sorts of things to break up the game. But again, his preparations hurt him there, as they were in the town saloon with ordinary townsfolk gathered all around, Krieger sitting by the door, the barman polishing glasses in the corner, Ranma waiting by the hitching post with a mare and Wildhorn, Genma drooling on the floor muttering in drunken tuneless rants about joining two houses and only two of Black Bart's own to accompany him; California, and Sancho Pablo Juan Enrique Martinez Esteban Villalobo III (also known as Oregon).  
  
It was as honest a setup as they could get. Strangely, Akane wasn't present. But she may have just as well been avoiding Kasumi, who might have been showing anytime seeing as how the card game was for her anyway (though Bart's henchmen had a side bet going as to which card player   
she'd swoon and root for).   
  
California once again assured himself how much this beat working at Quickie-Mart. Or Wal-mart. He'd done that too. No, being a cowpoke villain was *much* nicer.  
  
Jared's face continued going through contortions of displeasure. If he couldn't lose this honestly, the only thing he could do was cheat to get a worse hand. A spell was out as the only ones he had were obvious. The wand he typically used for clandestine illusions still had to be   
recharged from that fight with that demon, and planning on *losing* this fight he hadn't carried any spare cards.  
  
A hand twitched toward his sleeve anyway, though more out of the need to fondle spell components as he was thinking. California's hand was faster than the distracted mage and soon Jared found himself staring at two *very* pleased villains (Oregon was presently playing with the slot machine, trying to get it to give back his crooked peso).  
  
Black Bart smirked evilly. "Well, it seems our hero was trying to 'augment' his hand. Search his sleeve, would you California?"  
  
With swift movement barely noticed and certainly not provable, the henchman produced an ace of hearts out of his own pocket and ran it up alongside Jared's arm acting at the end as if he had pulled it from the redhead's sleeve.  
  
"Looks like he was after an ace, boss." California grinned.  
  
Bart grinned like only a victorious villain about to win a huge stake could.  
  
Jared rallied. Getting caught for cheating was worse by far than anything he'd planned and would get him thrown out of town for sure, with no opportunity to finish training under Krieger. The mage smiled *back* at Black Bart and said. "Now that's a little low even for you, Bart. Wouldn't it be jest like you ta have your boy plant that card up my sleeve to accuse me of cheatin?"  
  
Black Bart's smile turned sour as those gathered round generally agreed that it would be *exactly* like something the villain would do. But still he bit through clenched lips. "You're the one caught cheating here. Unless you can prove differently I think the pot is mine."  
  
Jared had a smile that was wider now. "Ah, c'mon Bart. What gambler did you ever know who carried *two* of the same card up his sleeve?"  
  
And with that the boy turned over the ace of hearts from his hand still on the table.  
  
Bart scowled.  
  
"Could be ya was dealt the one anyway."  
  
The redhead's grin of victory grew. "Yes, but what fella would be stupid enough ta reach fer a card that he already had? Two of the same would brand any cowhand a cheater." Before the henchman could feign pulling another card from him the mage freed his hand, opened his cuffs and pulled back both sleeves. "Ain't nothing else there ta reach for."  
  
But California was quick. Already having dumped three other aces on the floor while Jared was talking, he bent and retrieved them with a loud. "Lookie here!" Rising with the cards the henchman added. "Looks like he done dumped this when we caught 'im, boss!"  
  
Bart's evil grin had returned with reinforcements. "So you were going for a full hand, were you boy?"  
  
Jared gave California a hostile glare and then very deliberately and obviously checked the table and floor all around him. "Any other cards that varmint is gunna claim is mine? Er is he done planting em yet?"  
  
Krieger came up and two good boys took California back a ways, out of interfering range. All attention focused on Jared in fine Old West Gambling style.  
  
Fighting the urge to feel ill at being forced so far into winning this, Jared turned back to his cards still on the table. "Well Bart, I don't rightly know, but it seems fair that a man about to cheat in cards is trying ta *improve* his hand. And iffn I was reaching for those aces as ya say, then *this* here is my rightful hand, wouldn't ya reckon?" He flipped over the king of hearts. "And iffn that's so, that there ace looks mighty cozy next ta that king there of the same suit an all."  
  
Flip.  
  
"And wouldn't ya know but that Queen looks like she belongs, too."  
  
Flip.  
  
"Now I reckon that there Jack jest looks so gawl dern *perdy* 'longside them others all o' wit the same little hearts on 'em."  
  
With that much evidence backing up the Hero, Krieger had drawn and the barman assumed his official role of mediator and searched California. The barman indeed found a deck of cards, which he searched and quickly announced was devoid of aces.  
  
Attention swerved back to the table, where Bart acted as if California was just a state somewhere and he'd never even heard of the henchman with the cards.  
  
Jared sent Black Bart a gambler's glare. By Western rules if that last card wasn't a flush and it wasn't a straight it was nothing. Bart would win. The trouble *now* was it happened to be both and how was he to slip it for something worthless without (a) solving any of the same problems he'd faced before, and (b) getting caught for real as the focus on the table had grown.  
  
The mage was just about to sigh and win this thing when Kasumi came into the bar wearing a black hat and checking a train schedule. "Mr. Bart, I was wondering if we could move my sister. She still hasn't agreed and seems almost to look forward to getting run over by the train, could we try the sawmill next?"  
  
Both gamblers looked up from the table.   
  
Jared was stunned. "Kasumi, did you just kidnap Akane?"  
  
The eldest Tendo girl noted the attention now focused in on her and bit her lip. "Oh, no. I'm afraid Mr. Bart did it."   
  
Jared's gaze was calm yet level. "You just put him up to it." It was not a question.  
  
She began to tie knots in her apron strings, and nodded.  
  
"This is the GOOD Akane we're all talking about, right?" Jared wanted confirmed.  
  
Kasumi began to look more bold about it. "It was for her own good. The doctor said to reinforce her inner feminity, so she needs to get married. I thought that if we..." she trailed off as something died within his face.  
  
Jared came to a decision, and, figuring he had a way out of this after all, pushed back his chair. "I'm sorry, Mr. Bart. I appear to be playing for the hand of the wrong lady. You win. I couldn't see myself married to that one. Goodbye." And with that the mage ran out, jumped on Wildhorn, and rode off.  
  
Before anyone else had moved, Krieger lunged forward and grabbed the redhead's last card, turning over the ten of hearts for all to see, a once-in-a-lifetime hand every gambler dreams of thrown away.  
  
All the men there tsked. Black Bart merely scowled.  
  
"Is something wrong?" Kasumi asked at the sudden seriousness. Even Genma in his drunken haze on the floor seemed to sense something going amiss with his plans.  
  
Krieger let the card fall onto the table, gave the girl a grieved stare, and left to look out the doors at the retreating horse and rider.  
  
"What just happened?" Kasumi asked, leery of the increasing gazes of pity she was receiving.  
  
"Well," the barkeep was back to polishing glasses, avoiding looking at the girl. "It's one thing certain when a villain *wins* a hand against the hero."  
  
There came rumbles of assent.  
  
"But when the hero jest plain gives her up..." A random cowhand added in dark tones.  
  
"Means ill, it does," said a rancher, refusing to meet Kasumi's face.  
  
Hoss Cowchucker hitched up his belt, having come to witness this occasion. "Yep. Means she ain't worth havin."  
  
"Specifically," Krieger said in mourning tones from the door, still staring at the vanishing cloud of dust. "Iffn she's dropped wit cause, and you were, it means she's now a Fallen Woman in the eyes o' the West."  
  
He turned his head back to meet Kasumi's gaze, the only man in the saloon who'd do so. Well, excepting Bart who was merely looking thoughtfully off into space as he desperately looked for a face-saving explanation for the ingenue. "She's got either o' two choices. Redeem herself right quick by either provin' she never done ill ta begin wit, an you ain't got that there option, er doing *powerful* good deeds ta make up fer it. Er..."  
  
Krieger averted his eyes away from her.  
  
Hoss belched loudly, taking a drink. "Er, I reckon ol' Krieger 'ill haf ta put up that brothel he'd always been avoiden settin up, cause we got here a girl ain't fit fer marryin or any other business."  
  
Kasumi blinked rapidly, clutching her chest. "But..." What she was about to say involved not having any ties to this town, therefore not feeling bound by it so much.  
  
Just at that moment a man clanked into the saloon wearing spurs and chaps and a ridiculously large hat over his usual brown gi. Soun Tendo wandered into the bar behind the badge of Sheriff and asked. "Well, I heard of a game here. What's going on?" He checked a dictionary. "Cowpokes."  
  
Kasumi turned frightfully pale but didn't speak. Her eyes turned back to Bart, who smiled weakly at her. That was when Krieger felt obliged to add. "And proper villains don't marry, neither. Oh, sure'n they have *preferred* 'women-of-negotiable-morals' but..."  
  
Oregon wandered up, offered her a shiny new peso for the first half hour, and was promptly beaten half to death, dragged off to jail, and frightened half out of his wits by an outraged Sheriff Soun before anyone could blink.  
  
Soun had beaten Bart to it by a good 3 seconds.  
  
All of this commotion dragged Mr. Saotome's attention away from his drunken haze, and, finally understanding that his son was gone, staggered out the door and passed out right behind Ranma's mare.  
  
Kasumi fainted. Black Bart somehow managed to go from seated at the table to catch her near the door.   
  
"Now hold on, Krieger, Ah leave the Heroics and Ranchin' to you. Don't you go lecturin' none on the code of villainry. Villains marry all the time, I should know. I'm the Heir of my school, after all. Besides," Black Bart adjusted his hat slightly with his free hand. "Didn't y'all notice the color of her hat?"  
  
Krieger had, but there was a certain protocol to be observed. "You mean?"  
  
"Yup," Black Bart lifted the young lady up, nodding at California to pick up her hat. "She's the Confused Ingenue Who Has Fallen In With The Wrong Crowd. Or, if y'all prefer, the 'Damsel In Distress Of Her Own Making'." Black Bart continued, spinning a tale about how the young lady was trying to reform him, and he was trying to corrupt her. If you accepted the story, it was obvious that she was doing a better job than he was.  
  
Krieger shook his head at seeing Black Bart grabbing a quick explanation to try and salvage the young lady's honor. He *could* try poking holes in it, but why bother? Instead Krieger settled his hat, moseyed over and took the lass from Bart to drape over his horse intending to return her to one of her sisters for keeping, motioning for Ranma to follow.   
  
Ranma had to delay, as he stood next to his mare with a silly grin plastered all over his face as his horse proceeded to empty her bladder over Genma.  
  
Genma came up spluttering and realizing that being the Town Drunk had some bad qualities.  
  
--------  
  
Akumakun stared at the way the cards had gone. The pudgy eight year old sorcerer couldn't quite understand the message they were trying to tell him. What the heck was going on in Nerima that gave such confusing readings? Wasn't it just an industrial area?  
  
"Akumakun," pouted Toriohime, the sylph's wings beating slightly as she hovered, "that girl's been chasing me again."  
  
Akumakun sighed. It sounded like he was going to have to talk with Sakura yet again.  
  
--------  
  
Ranma blinked as he watched. "Can you explain this to me, SASAMI?"  
  
"I just finished an analysis of the shampoo those two were attacking each other with," SASAMI said, sounding puzzled. "Who could have expected drugged shampoo?"  
  
"Well..." Ranma could have told her that his life was just perpetually weird. Drugged shampoo? Why not?  
  
"They apparently are suffering from partial amnesia and something similar to posthypnotic suggestion. Going over the recordings, the word 'cat' was repeated several times. Also 'catgirl', references to you being 'airen' or 'husband' or 'boyfriend', a few other uhm terms."  
  
"They can't get me can they?"  
  
SASAMI shook her holographic head. "No, the containment field is able to hold them back for now. Unfortunately, they appear to be bonding with Nabiki."  
  
"Why can't I have *normal* fiancees?" Ranma complained, having been paying attention to a number of details at the behest of his brother. One thing that he might have otherwise ignored, a sitcom/drama on television dealing with a normal family where the father was trying to raise a son and a daughter without his wife, had become something of a guilty pleasure. Especially with Miho Nakayama playing the shy asthmatic nerd Michi. "A shy but cute Japanese girl who dreams of being a concert pianist."  
  
"Oh dear," SASAMI said, covering her eyes. "That's..."  
  
"That's how cats groom each other," said Ranma. "Well, time for a cold shower. No need for *me* to stand around watching this. SASAMI, see if you can figure out a way to remind them that they're not cats, would ya?"  
  
"I'll try," said the hologram, managing to sound very uncertain.  
  
--------  
  
Third Labor timeline: 821 AD  
  
"Are you sure about this?" Ami looked down in concern at the humans and their boat.  
  
"Positive," the head priest of the expedition said with a nod. "Though this skulking about and seeking to nudge our fellows over generations be a bit less than straightforward, it be the only method we agree that do minimize the bloodshed and strain on the lives o' the common folk. Tis only the ninth century, O Dragon, and whate'er cleverness ye might suggest is beyond simple folk as myself."  
  
"Besides, lass," another priest called up, "unless one is a dragon, one can only change the course of a river a bit at a time. Lest we flood our good efforts, we needs must be more like mice than be lions."  
  
"Truly said, Brother Theo, truly said." The first priest agreed. "Besides lass, we merely be the first group. We come back eventually, as the second group goes out. And so on. Give us a chance and we may yet lay a foundation on which a mighty house may be built."  
  
Ami rolled her eyes and mumbled something about not being able to keep to a single metaphor.  
  
"The Vikings themselves may yet be brought into the fold," pointed out Theo. "Tis unseemly of us to merely take our safety here, while our kin toil in ignorance and hardship that they need not. And if it nae work out, why then at least we have tried."  
  
Setsuna's head reared over the battlements to regard the group as well. "You're taking tea?"  
  
Theo favored the slightly taller of the two dragons with a mock scowl. "Lass! We are trying to spread civilization and refinement among our fellows. Of course we're bringing tea!"  
  
---------  
  
Ranma/Akumakun timeline:  
  
"Grey," the girl introduced herself, figuring she might as well since she was still tied to the railroad track, and was now bracketed by two others who'd been tied to her *and* the track.  
  
"Mitsuishi."  
  
"Tomizawa."  
  
"Takeuchi," said the third, tied to a totem pole nearby.  
  
Grey blinked at the names. ~Nah, couldn't be.~ "Uhm, so what brings y'all here."  
  
"It's my fault. With my work schedule as bad as its been, I was afraid I was having a nervous breakdown. I saw some people..." The slender woman who looked oddly familiar said from her position on the pole. "I'm *so* sorry."  
  
"No, it's that bandana boy's fault. He's gonna get a major ka-powie if I ever see him again!"  
  
"So, do you usually spend a lot of time being tied to railroad tracks?" The more subdued of the two newcomers to the tracks.  
  
"No, first time actually," Grey said. "As for insanity, sometimes you have to ask if the insanity is outside your head or within."  
  
"Pretty heavy for this early in the morning," griped the feisty one. "And isn't this a school day?"  
  
"Yeah, but i kinda got tied up," said Grey rattling her chains. "At least you guys got rope. These chains are heating up from the sun."  
  
"What are they trying to get you to do, anyway?" There were several jumps as a train whistle sounded.  
  
"Marry some guy they've got picked out." Grey groaned. It sounded like the Last Minute Rescue was going to be late. "i guess i gotta. Though i think i'm gonna have to get even with Kasumi for this. I wonder what happened to the girls..." Grey winced. "Just that they're not here means they may be in some terrible danger."  
  
-------  
  
"I don't know, what do you think about this?" Minako held up a frilled vest before vanishing into her dressing room again. "Just a sec', ok?"  
  
"This kind of clothing is what's required around here?" Ami looked uncertainly at the outfits. "They look kind of odd..."  
  
Desperado Dan, the clothier, wondered why the heck it was taking 45 minutes for these girls to decide what to wear. *Most* tourists just threw together something quick and didn't bother to coordinate amongst themselves to nearly this extent. Oh well, usually there weren't this many and this young. And it wasn't like he was overwhelmed with customers at the moment.  
  
------  
  
Grey stared at the "husband" that had been selected for her. ~They aren't *this* dumb are they?Or is blind a better explanation.~  
  
The candidate had baggy clothes, long hair ponytailed through the back of a baseball cap, was tall and bishonen, and wearing an obviously fake moustache. There was a toothpick sticking out of the groom's mouth, and a badly faked "four o clock shadow" in place.  
  
It was also *very* definitely Makoto Kino.  
  
"Well, gosh," Makoto paused and flipped through a dictionary, "that there be a right pretty filly there. Ah can hardly wait to burn my mark...?! Waitaminute, that can't be right."  
  
Colorado nudged the groom. "You mean 'slap my brand on that gal'."  
  
Dakota grumbled about trying to find a groom at the last minute.  
  
Grey struggled some, but was mainly in shock. ~They're *that* dumb? Or is it a Ranma physics thing where no matter how dumb the disguise, it's completely effective until a third party points it out?~ Realizing she had to keep up appearances she dragged her feet to the altar.  
  
The Reverend Itazura Nekoka was a bit strange, but what could you expect from a priest found by a group of villains to perform a shotgun marriage in a desert canyon located in a Tokyo suburb? Though if she'd heard the name, Akane might have opted for being shot. A green eyed Shinto priest who mumbled a lot and seemed to have a ludicrously long beard?  
  
Guns were pointed at the three witnesses, as threats to them had worked better than threats to the bride herself.  
  
"STOP RIGHT THERE!"  
  
Akane and Makoto flinched.  
  
Akane looked up to see who was standing on the ridge and flinched LOTS.  
  
Two seiyuu (voice actresses) and a manga author merely STARED.  
  
---------  
  
There was a thought rattling around Naoko Takeuchi's head, and it was about that phrase of that Grey girl, about whether the insanity came from within you or without.  
  
Considering the girl in question had been tied to the railroad tracks and had just been hauled off into a forced marriage at gunpoint with an obviously crossdressing girl, it held considerable merit. Not the least of which came from the question of her own predicament of presently being tied to a totem pole looking down at two of her friends still tied to the railroad tracks while they heard the whistle of a train blowing while the crowd who had tied them there were threatening them with guns to get that girl Grey to go through with the marriage.  
  
She was fairly certain that she wouldn't make this kind of fantasy up. Though now that it had passed her mind maybe she should, after all, because at least then her publisher would give her a profit on it.   
  
Though how she was going to explain an Old West style canyon (along with those cowpoke ruffians) in downtown Tokyo had put her in a bit of a quandry. This was the sort of thing that happened in *others* stories, like that one about the book of four something-or-others where the girls fall through into another universe and have all sorts of strange quests before they can go home.  
  
Seeing the two women standing on the ridge, Naoko Takeuchi wondered if perhaps that wasn't a type of story she ought to be writing.   
  
--------  
  
Akane Tendo (the real one) spun past a swipe by a shinnai, leapt over a thrust broom handle, and lashed out with a kick that threw yet another attacker into slumberland.  
  
Her skills had increased a hundredfold, at least, by her own estimation. To become one with the Art, to become its living extension and to be lost in the moment of Oneness. This was worth a certain degree of sacrifice.  
  
Grabbing the ward thrust at her face ("Traffic Safety" oddly enough), Akane used the attacker's own momentum to start a short flight to impact a wall.  
  
The crowd of attackers she was used to was much larger nowadays. It didn't much matter, as they were all moving in slow motion compared to her.  
  
It wasn't *her* fault. Any of it. Oh sure, she'd heard the rumors. Akane had been split into good and evil. The angelic one, the nice girl with spiritual powers, who also had some major weirdness and a really smart horse. The demonic evil-tempered psychobitch. Her. Well, if it was true then there was only one thing to do.  
  
Defeat the good one so that they would be reunited. To do that, she'd need to improve her skills some more as well as get a LOT of chi stored up.  
  
Not a problem. The boys locker room and the girls locker room both fell to her mastery of Anything Goes. Only the choicest from both for her collection.  
  
"Oops. Sorry, Yuka." Akane winced as she realized that she'd just done an impressive rising uppercut attack on one of her old friends. Sayuri dropped a moment later as well, a simple legsweep being sufficient.  
  
"BEAN JAM BLOWOUT!" Akane used the break the special manuever gained her to leap clear of the crowd. She had her pretties, now on to stage two.  
  
It *was* a school day, after all.  
  
----------  
  
Another very different universe:  
  
Jared registered the presence of Doctor Lorelei for a few minutes before he gave any sign of acknowledging her. The parts were bulky and had to be fit and tuned exactly so.  
  
"This is delicate work, Doctor Lorelei. I trust you are disturbing me for a good reason."  
  
"Uhm, I..."  
  
Several things penetrated the work-related focus of trying to calibrate a set of meshing electromagnetic fields.  
  
First, her garb was atypical of Doctor Lorelei. Instead of a dress and a labcoat, Lorelei was wearing a pair of tight jeans and a sweater, with a serviceable "gadget vest" worn over that and finally a stocking-cap. While the weather was cold and fairly wet, it seemed a bit extreme. Especially as all Lorelei had to do was request it and a car would be provided her within an instant.  
  
Second, she was (as usual) nervous but something seemed different about it. After a moment of reading body language he had it. This was someone who had decided to face the firing squad and try to die with dignity. If she smoked, no doubt she'd have blindfold and cigarette in place.  
  
Third, a heavy backpack left near the door. If he failed to pass judgement on her, she was planning a long trip.  
  
"So how are the cloned girls doing?" Jared asked, well knowing the answer.  
  
"They are fine. We have a total of one hundred children all showing no difficulties. Though we are unsure of the development of the ones with genetic material donated by..."  
  
"Edema," finished Jared when it was obvious that Lorelei didn't know how to put it.  
  
"Well, and ever since the girls got ahold of those tapes that Sakyo had left behind..."  
  
Jared actually didn't register that for a moment. When he did, he did a quick Farseeing spell. The results made him wince.  
  
--------  
  
The girl in the sailor suit leapt to the top of a building and posed in typical sentai fashion. "Quickly, Sailor Chocolatte! We must find the missing Princess!"  
  
"Right, Sailor Mars Bar! Errr, princess?" Another girl in a blue-white sailor suit, this one with an odango hairstyle that looked absolutely ridiculous, asked the one in the red-white sailor suit.  
  
"Princess Lorelei," said a girl in a sailor suit with facial markings. "Sailor Bellcandy will rescue her!"  
  
"That's supposed to be 'Belldandy'," corrected a girl with short hair in a two tone blue sailor suit. "I think."  
  
Fifteen girls went into a group sentai pose.  
  
"For Love!"  
  
"For Justice!"  
  
"For Cuddling!"  
  
"For Niceness!"  
  
"For Chocolate!"  
  
"SAILOR TEAM - GO!"  
  
--------  
  
Jared twitched. LOTS. That each and every one of the girls had skin that was a shade of brown to near-black, with white hair, what looked like hand-stitched sailor costumes, and had hairdos and makeup to resemble some anime character. There was a drow Belldandy in a very modest seifuku. There was a "Sailor Urd" whose seifuku would be barely legal if she were older. They were still kids, he estimated that the oldest - "Sailor Chocolate" would be twelve. "How old?"  
  
"The oldest one of the new children is the equivelant of twelve. We used accelerated growth techniques because we feared another attack might wipe out our cloning." Lorelei twitched, drawing herself up under her blindfold. Maybe she was going to be turned into a slug at any moment, but she'd done the best she could.  
  
"Oh, and would you STOP waiting there for me to turn you into a frog? I..."  
  
Something occurred to Jared. Lorelei was dealing with a crushing amount of guilt. If he did nothing she'd find a way to punish herself. The cloning process was well underway, and it no longer required her presence. Tigel's Maiden Circuit had been fixed, Ginseng had advanced their automated processes and marionette technology, and Lorelei had pretty much fulfilled her purpose. She had fallen in love with Otaru Mamiya, but would never do anything as it would jeapordize his relationships with his three marionettes - whom Lorelei regarded as her daughters.  
  
She held herself directly responsible for the disaster that had killed almost everyone on the Mesopotamia, for the wars and hardship thereafter, even Faust's mania. When she had mishandled the situation with Grey and then Ginseng - she had gone ahead and done it even as the acts ate away at her further.  
  
So, if he didn't come up with some "punishment" - she'd likely attempt suicide as reparation. Either that or slowly go insane from guilt. He had to come up with *something* that she'd regard as punishment or judgement.  
  
Jared sighed as he looked at the trembling blindfolded young woman. He had an idea.  
  
---------  
  
Ranma/Akumakun timeline:  
  
There were people that Grey (still physically a twin to Akane Tendo) would have expected to ride to his (currently her) rescue. There were people (and places and things, some of whom were also people) that would have been a relief and a pleasure to see. Ami for one.  
  
Then there were people that he either feared (or was at least moderately nervous around), or would prefer to see under *very* different circumstances. Then there were people he would very much like to avoid under any circumstances. Then there were finally people he never expected to see again and had largely forgotten about even with the current crush of memories crowding in on him. (Even though he was currently a she, he tended to think of himself as he unless someone was being boorish and pointing out that she was a she. And if you think that was confusing you begin to understand how completely out-of-sorts Grey was feeling at the moment. Things had gone from "roller coaster out of control and who the heck's designed this thing anyway" to "i think i left my stomach behind two curves and a dip ago, and is that a big gap in the tracks just ahead?")  
  
There were some people you just never expected to see as allies. There were some pairings that not only completely bent the suspension of disbelief, but sounded like a recipe for disaster if not Armaggedon. Kei & Yuri of the Dirty Pair were safe and sane compared to the duo.  
  
"Morrigan Aenslad and Silver Queen Serenity?!" Grey whispered. He'd met Morrigan, of course. She was a succubus, of sorts. He had been an incubus. She working for the Demonlands and fighting on that Darkstalkers circuit. He had been working a temp job with Divine Intervention at the time. As he recalled, it had been the first time he'd tried...  
  
one of Raphael's pokeballs. Oh dear.  
  
And who would have guessed that the kinky succubus would have found such an experience a turn-on? She'd apparently gotten tired of fighting Dimitri on a regular basis, particularly with his ideas about micromanaging and had an enormous amount of trouble finding guys who would actually listen to her. The entire idea of playing some sort of peekaboo pikachu to some guy had gotten her intrigued. They'd parted company as he'd been an incubus and hadn't known exactly what would happen if he *had* responded to her charms. Other than it would likely be bad for one or both of them.  
  
Oh dear again. He wasn't exactly an incubus now, was he? Well, considering Morrigan's tastes, if the Pheonix Mage showed up, Morrigan would probably gravitate to him. He was much more forceful. And currently male. Morrigan did at least *prefer* males for some things.  
  
Queen Serenity of the Silver Millenium, mother of Princess Serenity, was another matter altogether. They had parted on poor terms in the Silver Millenium, with his Aspect of that era banished from court not too long after the birth of his daughter. "Sara" (his pet name for her) had then been resurrected during the First Labor by the Pheonix Mage, and they had reconciled to some extent. Still, she remained the controlling Queen and he was pretty sure that *she* would continually call the shots and micromanage *him.* She had been pretty demanding.  
  
Those two cooperating? The mind boggled just at dealing with them not trying to kill each other.  
  
"Do you, Makoto mumble mutter mutter mumble mumble mumble so long as y'all do live?"  
  
Aware on some level that she had just been addressed, and that the priest was trying to hurry the marriage ceremony while the two on the ridge were making a speech, Makoto slipped back into her role. "W'all yup, I surely do."  
  
"And do you, Grey, mutter mumble mumble mumble mutter mumble mumble mumble this young gal?"  
  
Still in shock, the current Akane lookalike nodded.   
  
Toltiir smirked in his disguise. Too easy. "I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride."  
  
Makoto twitched, having forgotten about that part.  
  
Queen Serenity drew her wand. Morrigan leapt into the air. Guns were swiveled and brought to bear by various villains. The train sounded again as it approached. One voice actress screamed, one cursed, and a manga artist yelled to the heavens that she was getting major stressed out.  
  
Grey, now seeing an opportunity, pivoted to begin a martial arts attack. Unfortunately, Makoto grit her teeth, grabbed Grey, and despite her current resemblence to Akane Tendo, kissed her. At which point Grey forgot entirely what the heck she'd been doing.  
  
At which point, to *really* confuse things, Ami and the others finally arrived on the scene.  
  
---------  
  
Jared reared his horse on the top of the ridge in true Old West style, preparing to send Wildhorn in a truly impressive rush forward to break up this shotgun marriage.  
  
Instead he and his horse merely stared.  
  
There was "Akane" all right, in a wedding dress. There was some guy (?!) who looked suspiciously like his Lita in a bad costume doing some quick liplock. There was "Akane" fainting...  
  
There were Black Bart's men (and Dakota) pointing weapons at an attacking Queen Serenity and... Morrigan Aenslad?!  
  
There was Nabiki bounding off with a bag of pokeballs she'd just pickpocketed off of him.  
  
There was a whole crowd of Sailor Scouts in American Old West costumes rushing into the canyon apparently on the same mission as himself.  
  
There were three civilians who had obviously wandered into this insanity without any idea of what they'd gotten into.  
  
There was Ryoga Hibiki, wandering into the very same chaos and trying to ask Amy for directions.  
  
There was Soun Tendo leading a posse in a rush forward.  
  
There was... ?!  
  
Jared looked to the little trail of dust marking where Nabiki was using her feline speed to head back home with her prize. Several disasters were occurring at the same time. ~What the heck is Nabiki after my 'balls for? Arrggghhh. I've got to keep the Scouts from making contact with their counterparts... or do I stop Nabiki... or... Arrgghhh.~  
  
----------  
  
"To protect the world from devastation," said Silver (former) Queen Serenity, posing.  
  
"To show our love with consummation," appended Morrigan, earning her a glare from her partner.  
  
"To embrace the good of truth and love," growled Serenity, still glaring at Morrigan.  
  
"For a lemon scene on the moon above!" Morrigan could have a one-track mind at times.  
  
"Serenity!" The woman with the long ponytails leapt into the air, drawing her Sceptre.  
  
"Morrigan!" The succubus leapt also, batwings spreading instinctively.  
  
"Team Royal, ready day or night!"  
  
"Ready for lovin' and for a good fight!"  
  
Oddly enough, if there hadn't been a fight erupting with Black Bart's Dirty Dozen, the two might have gone for a fight between themselves at this point. Serenity definitely preferred a more sophisticated image. As it was...  
  
A group of not-the-Senshi (plus three Evangelion characters) in Old West clothing arrived. "Y'all put your hands up!" "Yeeeha!" "Can we get off these damn horses yet?" "Aaaaaaaaa! How do you stop these things!"  
  
Soun Tendo, newly appointed Sherriff, rushed forward to stop the events. Unfortunately, horse riding was not on his list of skills acquired serving under Happosai. He collided almost immediately with Usagi, whose horsemanship skills were even worse. His posse, following Soun, also collided with other riders. Mostly.   
  
Dakota dropped her gun and slipped her brass knuckles on. "This here looks like an old fashioned barfight! Yeeha!" And as she was a practitioner of Old West Martial Arts Barmaiding, she considered this her own area of strength. Besides it sure beat being an Office Lady.  
  
Currently down to six members (two being with Black Bart, Dakota off on her own mission of mayhem, and three others on vacation), the Dirty Dozen started firing wildly at opponents. Of course, being villains, they missed a lot.  
  
A "priest" quickly finished stringing together a set of conditions and oaths that bore a vague resemblence to a marriage ceremony.  
  
A genetically engineered version of Makoto Kino briefly grabbed and kissed Grey, completely forgetting in her dismay at having to kiss someone who was currently another girl that her genetically engineered strength and toughness were quite in excess of even uncute tomboys.  
  
The train continued to come, despite the two young ladies tied to the railroad track being somewhat opposed to its continued movement.   
  
The manga writer/artist observed as much as she could, and her fingers flexed as she tried to imagine writing this as a series. However, as she was a *shojo* specialist, obviously the main character was going to have to be one of these women. And as there was some handsome fellow riding down the ridge, that would have to be her boyfriend - fulfilling the same role as Tuxedo Kamen had in Sailor Moon.  
  
Grey, currently passed out from having Makoto accidently squish her till ribs had cracked, and still looking like Akane, would have been properly horrified and revolted.  
  
In a completely unexpected move, three people who had tracked down "Sabre Mars" (or more accurately, one tracker, her boyfriend, and her partner) glanced at each other and also leapt into the fray. "ALL OF YOU, YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!"  
  
Yes, it *was* shaping up pretty much like a typical day back at the range.  
  
----------  
  
Another world/another timeline:  
  
"y-y-you monster..."  
  
The albino waggled a finger. "Your assessment is correct, even if it's coming from someone in a punishment sphere. You lost, Colonel Corazon Santiago. You lost, and your faction lost."  
  
The woman raised her head, staring at the man. "My people will rise! You will not be able to keep what you have gathered! The remaining factions will not tolerate your power-grabbing ways. You baeeeeaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAA..."  
  
"Now now," said the albino as he cut the pain level back down. "There are some holes in your argument. Neither Lady Deidre Skye's 'Daughters Of Gaia' nor the 'Human Hive' have protested my control. Yang picked me as his successor, after all."  
  
"Was that before or after you killed him?"  
  
"Tsk." The albino shook his head. "Why do you think I've killed Chairman Sheng-ji Yang? Yin, would you come here?"  
  
The Colonel looked at the girl who came from behind the controls of the Sphere and knelt by the pale-skinned monster who had now conquered three of the factions. Obviously a genejack - a genetically engineered worker. She even had the tattooed barcode that marked her as property. Typical of courtesan types, overly topheavy, hairless, seemingly in her late teens.  
  
"Colonel, meet Yin. Yin, this is the nasty bad Colonel Santiago. What do you think?"  
  
"She not as pretty as Deidre. You make her pretty, Master?"  
  
The albino met Santiago's horrified eyes. "Yes indeed, Colonel. Genejack techniques, cloning, Mind-Machine-Interface, and the Punishment Sphere that you yourself developed. Or scientists under your direction at least. Taking a wrinkled and hateful old man, making a lovely and loving young girl. Very useful don't you think?" This wasn't, of course, Yang. Merely genecrafted from his genetic material. Sephiroth had endured all of the Colonel's insults in building to this point, and watching her twist was rather enjoyable.  
  
Colonel Santiago watched as another figure walked forward and stood next to "Yin."  
  
"You know Lady Deidre, I believe." The albino considered the woman in a technician's uniform. "The process was refined considerably by the time she was caught. And she made such a fine subject that there are now over two dozen Deidre who are working various tasks."  
  
"...you monster..." Colonel Santiago repeated, shocked. "When the others learn about this, they'll destroy you!"  
  
"Colonel, I've already replaced two of them with deep-programmed clones. But I tire of this conversation," the albino clapped his hands and the two workers went to stations. "Goodbye for now, Colonel. When we meet again, I'm sure you'll make a fine worker. Your genetic material shows signs of being excellent."  
  
"Bastard."  
  
"True, though my name is Sephiroth. You, however, will come to call me Master." The monster smiled with some amusement at his latest victim and let the two work while he attended to more pressing matters.  
  
-------  
  
Ranma/Akumakun timeline:  
  
"Sabre Mars" was a vigilante, not all that different from Strikeman in an odd way.  
  
Still, twice that they had known of, Sabre Mars had come to the assistance of the Bokutoh Police Precinct. Miyuki Kobayakawa had tracked the individual down and had prepared to give the girl a scolding and then recruit her to attend the academy. Then this story about an exorcism gone wrong, followed by "Sabre Mars" vanishing.  
  
Yuriko had brought the story of the return of the "Red Rider" which Miyuki had determined *was* Sabre Mars who was actually the mysterious miracle-working shrine priestess Akane Tendo. Well *a* Akane Tendo, at least. There seemed to be one which was a furry panty-thief.  
  
Natsume Sujimoto knew all this but it was mainly a chance to whomp on some bad guys that had her enthusiasm up.   
  
Ken Nakajima knew all this too. And frankly the "White Hawk of Bokutoh Precinct" was hoping to get the nerve up to ask Kobayakawa out, except that suddenly he was getting a little voice screaming DANGER at him from that guy on the really damn big horse.  
  
"Yaaah!" While a certain Haruka Ten'ou and a certain Natsume Sujimoto traded punches, and a certain Ken Nakajima tried to engage a certain Pheonix Mage in combat, things were about to get even worse.   
  
--------------  
  
Krieger leaned against the fence post, staring out over the prairie with the end of a long stalk of wheat grass stuck in his mouth.  
  
"Is he ever coming back?" A shy voice asked behind him.  
  
"Hmph! Good riddance!" Mustered a far more fiercesome voice.  
  
Krieger tipped his hat down low over his eyes. He hadn't liked the sister he'd found to take care of Kasumi. The evil half of Akane, they'd called her. Wouldn't be unknown in the West to have a wicked an a downright saintly sister make up a set of twins. But she was the one he'd found, though he was beginning to suspect that Bart had been up to rather alot lately.  
  
Classy he may be, but villain he still was. They had to be purged from time to time to keep them respectful and prevent them from getting *too* entrenched in. The plain and simple fact was if a villain was allowed to hang around too long they ended up owning everything. Then they became respectable business types more often than not. Helluva fate for an aspiring villain.  
  
Krieger saw what he'd been looking for, and turned back toward the ladies. "That's it." He said, pointing over his shoulder.  
  
"What's it?" Akane demanded, staring at the distant hillside until she'd spotted what Kasumi saw at once.  
  
The rider on his horse wheeled just in time to rear the mighty steed with the setting sun behind him before taking off and plunging down the opposite side of the hill.  
  
"What does that mean?" Kasumi asked quietly.  
  
Krieger spat into the dust. "Y'all saw the hero ride off into the sunset and had ta ask?"  
  
"But..."  
  
The blade of grass wiggled as Krieger chewed on it, watching the pretty lass' face as she attempted to process this sighting. The cowboy slipped his boots on a little tighter and mellowed at the suffering he saw there. "Yeah, lucky me I had Ranma catch up to 'im affor it'd happened and slip 'im a scroll wit the rest o' the Old West Ranching techniques." The Rancher eyed the young lady thoughtfully. "'Cause when a hero rides off inta the sunset he ain't ever coming back."  
  
"So what's the big deal??" Akane shouted, upset that anyone should care about this.  
  
"What did that Bart tell ya about who 'is parent were?" Krieger seemed to ignore both girls as he waited for the stars to come out.  
  
"His mother was a rattlesnake and his father shot his..." Kasumi trailed off, the boast she'd heard so often suddenly turning to poison on her lips.  
  
Krieger pretended to study the bricks of his chimney. "Yep. That's what I heard. Ain't proper fer a villain ta say, 'Well, mah pappy married the widow Jones an after four years wit lots o children, he decided banking jest wasn't having the proper return on investment and decided ta go swindel a few ranchers outta their longhorns'. Iffn he wants ta raise villain kids ta pass on 'is school, an y'all can bet he'll want ta, y'all better bet they gotta have stories ta tell about their tortured unbringin's, an' the parents er either absent er such folks as you'd   
rather step on than look at. It's the Code of the West." He paused to pose in a brief ray of late evening sunshine.   
  
The Rancher directed to Kasumi a very steady gaze. "Ranching is the Founding School of *all* the Old West styles. Iffn *I* don't know the rules, they ain't happenin. An I can tell you that villains *do* marry all the time." He nodded sagely. "As many as three er four times a week   
depending on how many o their schemes work out. It's standard villain policy ta marry as many rich young things an pretty widows as they can ta defraud 'em o their property, then o course they abandon em, er better yet strangle em. Ain't fer no reason we heros *try* so dang hard ta   
prevent them gettin hitched. 'Sides," the rancher spat again. "Adultery is wicked an wicked is villainous. It's a straight line from one ta the other. Ain't no deviation from it. So 'less that Black Bart don't *LIKE* bein a villain an is ready ta give it all the great Heave Ho... You ever heard 'im say anythin like that?"  
  
Kasumi had grown very pale and still. Akane had grown bored and absently swiped Krieger's underwear. He paid it no mind, thinkin that he hadn't washed 'em yet this week anyhow an when she discovered that the look on her face ought ta be somethin ta see.  
  
When the priceless moment happened, Krieger just shot the lame-faced shaking girl a slim grin and addressed the older sister. "Bart done pegged you as a Girl Gone The Wrong Way an not yet nowin bout it. Well, them lasses er saved by their own righteous convictions er not at all."   
He motioned toward the hill the sun had just set behind. "An your hero jest decided that he ain't the faith in ya ta sacrifice 'imself puttin out plots long enough ta find out. From what that says o ya there ain't a man in these here terratories that'll marry ya cept that one that jest left." Krieger nodded gravely. "Iffn yer still in time ta catch 'im."  
  
Kasumi resumed shaking somewhat. "Um, Mr. Krieger, I was... If you... What I mean is..." She stared at him helplessly, knotting the apron in her hands.  
  
Krieger smiled, tipping back the brim of his hat. "Well, it jest so happen I got mah horse all hooked up ta mah carriage an was thinkin of taking in fer an evenin stroll er a quiet ride. Who knows what we may turn up iffn we head, ooh, say thataway?" The cowboy grinned. "Whats say   
we head 'im off at the pass an you can ask that young man whatever question y'all may have on yer mind?"  
  
The look of gratitude in the young woman's face was worth all his trouble. Akane had fallen over and was twitching slightly and the fragrant underwear still dangled from her hand. Krieger stepped over her as he helped Kasumi into the carriage.  
  
========  
  
Itazura Nekoka(no). Mischievous feline. As if you didn't know. Toltiir is portrayed as an alien and ancient being of nearly infinite power. Take on Cthulhu? Sure, but you'd have to find a way to make it funny. Some jokes fall flat, which is because he doesn't quite understand a lot of things that make up mortal existence. In personality terms, he's much like a child (or Roger Rabbit). Time, matter, energy, space, all concepts that he ignores or plays with from moment to moment. Chaos was boring, so he changed his portfolio to mischief. A being from my AD&D campaign, one of several who provided the background for many evenings of adventure.  
  
Ryoga and Mihoshi, trapped on an island on a resort planet with shallow seas and many tropical islands. Will Ryoga escape this hell in order to pursue his vengeance on Ranma, or will he merely get a lot of nosebleeds? i don't plan on exploring either option, and it is left entirely to the imagination of the reader. Anyone who wants to write a short Epilogue passage for any of the characters like the SMJ cast or Ryoga+Mihoshi for inclusion in Chapter 22, please do so.  
  
Naoko Takeuchi in real life went to PQ Angels after Sailor Moon. It wasn't nearly as popular and it was stopped after a "first part". By a translated interview, she was sufficiently stressed out by the schedule in SM that her skin was breaking out and her stomach was constantly upset. (Sympathies, been there, done that, myself.) She has since gone on to write a few other features, and is in the process of making a comeback.   
http://www.nwlink.com/~kurozuki/naoko.htm is the source for her characterization here.  
  
Yes, i'm well aware of the Ami+Makoto, Usagi+Rei factions out there. No, i don't think Takeuchi was caught with her hand in a cookie jar or any other compromising place. Yes, i do think the only actually mature relationship shown is Haruka+Michiru, though if you give Usagi+Mamoru a few years to mature they might eventually get there. Usagi+Mamoru gets more trouble because its more central than Michiru+Haruka. And no, i don't think that it's Haruka who is the more dominant in that relationship. Given half a chance i honestly think Makoto or Ami or Minako would have grabbed a male romantic lead and the only thing you'd see of him was her smile. From comments in Takeuchi's interviews, there was a certain degree of transference for the author's "boy troubles" to her characters in the series.  
  
After this series, i'm taking a break from SI to go back to writing other stories, though i'm getting a bit less enchanted with the Ranma series every time i read the manga or the Ranma Project. Sailor Moon (though i find the sentai stuff annoying), Sabre Marionette J (the series was absolutely wonderful even if the ending was contrived and Hayashibara's voice acting in places was literally awesome), Pokemon (silly overly cute critters to the side, the Misty + Ash pairing is less grating than Ranma + Akane and has more potential for stability), and maybe a return to Aramar or Dragon Highway. i *do* have several scenes done for 4th Labor, as well as an idea of where to go on the plot.  
  
There are fanfics i'd dearly love to see finished that other people are doing. Rainman's "A Twisted Fate" has serious possibilities, for ex. Figure Four's "Sailor Marionette J". People who are out exploring possibilities that have *not* been done to death.   
  
Little drow girls playing at being Sailor Senshi? Okay, admittedly, it's predictable and has been done to death. Irresistable though.  
  
Sephiroth was mentioned a few chapters ago. Jared mentioned that he was looking for a few blackhearted villains and Sephiroth was what i came up with. Like Rei Ayanami, an albino clone. Instead of Yui Ikari, Gendo was the human donor. The raw power and psychopathic tendencies of Rei III (remember that Rei III put out an AT field stronger than Kaoru's). The immorality and manipulativeness of Gendo Ikari. Access to the technological base of the End Of Evangelion. Set loose in the "Human Hive" of the computer game "Sid Meier's Alpha Centauri." Figure he'd own the place before very long. He's intended as an Epic Villain.  
  
========= 


	11. Default Chapter Title

Third Labor, chapter 21 "Meanwhile Back At The Ranch"  
OR: "Catgirls just wanna have fun!"  
  
"Too much of a good thing... can be wonderful." - Mae West  
  
by metroanime@mindspring.com  
various character/ideas by other authors, mainly White Pheonix   
  
-----------  
  
Jared ascertained that the scroll he'd gotten from Ranma was in place, that all that Nabiki had stolen was four of those Rafael-built psuedo-pokeballs, and he was currently being attacked by Ken Nakajima from "You're Under Arrest" - which didn't make any sense as this timeline had scanned on his entry as one where "Ranma 1/2" and "Akumakun" were the only anime elements in the mix.  
  
Jared wasn't sure what had caused this. His presence, as Yggdrasil based god of crossovers? Grey's attempts to get himself (herself?) out of the timeline? Had the Knights Of The True Continuua, in their efforts to manipulate their own timeline and repeal Prohibition on that reality? Or was it something else?  
  
Officer Ken (the White Hawk) Nakajima was rather annoyed that his opponent not only hadn't surrendered, but was dodging him as if he were a child. Going so far as to check his pockets, comb his hair, check several spheres at his belt, then go through a ludicrous number of items somehow stowed in a fanny pack. Bad enough for this to happen. In front of Miyuki?! Errr. Officer Kobayukawa, that is.  
  
Soun Tendo had thrown himself into the fray, his old pal Genma tagging a moment behind. Then he'd noticed Akane fainted, with the groom taking her off to the side. The marriage had already occurred? And he'd missed it? The resulting flood of tears transformed Genma from Town Drunk to Mutant Rat (bald panda).   
  
As with the LAST time (immediately after Ranma's horse had splashed him), Genma immediately was designated a Free Beating Zone by ALL sides. During the horse-piss incident, this had resulted in a brief chase sequence, followed by him finding and dousing himself with a cup of hot coffee. There was no sign of such available, so Genma the bald panda was the center of a lot of attempted pummellings.   
  
A giant panda's claws could rip through human flesh rather handily, and when Genma did so, he discovered that it *was* possible for the beatings to get much much worse. On seeing a little blue haired girl go down with a ragged wound, even the various villains and the rest of the sherriff's posse put aside their differences to pound the "Rat King".  
  
"Akane" recovering from her swoon, saw the blue haired girl lying on the ground, shrieked, and ran to her side. She really hadn't intended to use THAT wording of a Cure Serious Wounds spell, she was just kind of out of sorts. Being newly married and all.  
"By the love that is intended,  
let this wound be quickly mended,  
thy flesh reknit, restore, rebind,  
be healed, dear one, in heart and mind."  
  
Ami heard the wording, felt her "sucking chest wound" fade to "sore and bruised", looked up to see her Shinji still locked in the body of some sixteen year old girl, and latched on in a crying hug attack.   
  
Soun switched from Wail #412 "My Baby Girl Got Married And I Missed It" to Wail #413 "My Baby Girl Is Cheating On Her Husband With Another Girl!" without missing a beat. Up until someone named Dakota used her Martial Arts Barmaid technique of "Dirty Sidewinder Sneaking Sucker Punch" and flattened him.  
  
Makoto Kino made it a group hug by hugging her "wife" and her friend, after all there were villains with guns around and she had to keep up appearances. Right?  
  
Naoko Takeuchi STARED and tried to remember all this. This was crazy enough to appeal to a lot of different people, and love triangles were always good material. Though the Mutant Rat youma looked kind of silly, having him beaten into the ground by a bunch of teenaged girls would certainly go over well with her usual audience (teenaged girls, of course.)  
  
Michie Tomizawa spared a grateful look towards the person who was liberating her from the railroad tracks and stopped to STARE. Rei Hino stopped to see who she was rescuing, and also began staring.  
  
Kotono Mitsuishi was freed, nodded her head in gratitude, then STARED as it became obvious who that girl styling herself "Serenity" was.  
  
"SOUL FIST!" Morrigan Aenslad saw the group hug developing, gave a wistful smile, then slammed into California with her newest attack. "Behold, mortal! The benefits of working with the forces of the Silver Millenium and tapping into positive emotional manna! BEAUTIFUL CHEESECAKE POSE!"  
  
California, the reviving Soun, Ryouga (still wandering through the battle without having been touched yet), and three male members of the posse collapsed with major nosebleeds.  
  
"Baka hentai!" Serenity turned to yell at Morrigan that this was NOT what the former Silver Millenium Queen had had in mind when proposing that the various members of noble blood associating with Nebula team up. Unfortunately, she then got blindsided by Colorado.  
  
"Unnnn!" With a war whoop (well, close enough), Standing Mountain led a crowd of other practitioners of Martial Arts Indian Wrestling into the fray. Intent, of course, on rescuing the fair Akane now that she'd returned.  
  
Kasumi watched everything swirling around her and fretted a lot. Get involved in THAT?! Heavens no. She could be oblivious perhaps, but not THAT oblivious.  
  
-------  
  
SASAMI was an artificial intelligence. She emulated basic human behavior, which is why her holographic representation was staring with her mouth hanging open.  
  
She understood technology FAR in advance of the natives. To her, the late 20th century was just slightly beyond daub-and-wattle construction and horse-drawn carriages.   
  
Magic, well, that wasn't just another kettle of fish, it was a whole zoological branch that she had very little hard data on. Yes, she'd glimpsed it. She'd been built by a magical being, and the Mage had cast a spell in her backyard, and then there was Ranma's transgenderism and his father's cursed form. It perplexed her, she had devoted a substantial portion (35%) of her background processors to working out some sort of theory or set of operating assumptions to make regarding this.  
  
Nabiki leaving, then throwing red-and-white baseballs at the mewing Ukyo and Shampoo, those spheres opening up and sucking the two inside...  
  
And her containment field had interfered with the process. Causing what a military person would call a FUBAR situation.  
  
SASAMI made a few requests. She needed to upgrade her analysis equipment and to up her background processor capabilities.  
  
"Let's see. The spheres combine a form of transporter effect with a storage unit," mused SASAMI. "Problem, their datastream was scrambled. How to restore them without a transporter scan -?!"  
  
Nabiki yowled and picked herself up from where the explosion had thrown her.  
  
SASAMI groaned. Well, maybe that mage fellow could fix this after she used this stopgap measure.  
  
--------  
  
SMJ Line:  
  
Jared-2 ignored Lorelei and her Fate for the moment as he considered the impact that Ginseng and some guy named Mamoru Tengoku had made on this marionette world. Not that he hadn't done more, and accomplished a much more sweeping change, of course.  
  
Prior to Ginseng, a common marionette was able to do a few dozen simple tasks. Sweep floors, wash dishes, greet customers, etc. Nothing requiring high dexterity, great skill, or any thought at all. You plugged them into a charger overnight, and they had problems similar to buying an economy car. They ran about 2500 dollars, if he had the exchange rate right. Some models (used and older) could be found for less than a thousand but usually got what you paid for. Usually their "brains" were a unit that looked a lot like an Internet server and were stationary, seperate from the marionette itself but in constant radio communication. Dozens of these units could be run off the same server, and as it was an efficient system any bulk number of marionettes used this system.  
  
Higher grade marionettes, such as were used for more complicated tasks (like cooking simple food) were still battery operated. Gennai had one, it had taken him decades as an inventor (admittedly not a wealthy or successful one) to afford one that had sufficient manual dexterity to clean his ears and with skin that was soft and smooth. Roughly the price of a luxury car, about 12,000 dollars US. Most of these likewise had their brains being an inside unit, sometimes supplemented by ties to a household's central computer.  
  
Military grade marionettes were powerful, built for strength and durability, otherwise about the level of a Luxury class marionette. A number of these were in the private sector. 25,000 dollars US or close, Jared thought. These were tied into a military grade server, and this led to group coordination that was literally inhuman.   
  
Sabre Class marionettes, even without a Maiden Circuit, were a cut above military grade. Their computers were internal, they had extra bracing, high dexterity and coordination. A Sabre class was over 100,000 dollars US. Maiden Circuits, of course, were priceless. Particularly to the marionette in which they were installed.  
  
Ginseng had found cheaper ways of manufacturing the marionettes, cheaper materials, a better way of automating the process, and had re-invented the assembly line. S/he had developed different actuators and internal motivators, raising the limits all around. A new "economy" class was about 1900 dollars. Right now most of the innovations were being held onto for military use, though it was easy to see where in a decade the common marionettes would basically go from being TRS-80s (aka the old TRaSh 80s or maybe an Atari 400) to Pentium II units.  
  
Some guy named Mamoru Tengoku had come up with something else, and a very different aim.  
  
According to his notes, he'd observed some basic behavior in animals. Raise an animal of a certain complexity or higher with affection and teach them, and they responded. The dogs and cats and horses all learned - acting more intelligent and friendly towards humans than those that were not.  
  
What Mamoru had come up with was an "Ishii Kairo" - a Will Circuit of three linked computers and interfaces in a single sphere roughly the size of a softball. Rough cost of materials: $900 if you scavenged junkyards. It started out as having no result when installed into a marionette. When you treated the marionette affectionately, it learned affection and paid greater attention to you. When you also taught the marionette, it learned quite a lot.  
  
A Maiden Circuit was a miraculous thing, when a marionette awakened with a Maiden Circuit, she had emotions fully blown and a human level of intelligence, all available through emulated human engrams. The marionette was born with a personality. Further, the strength of emotions increased the strength of the marionette.  
  
An Ishii Kairo awakened slowly, and could only be done through care and patience. No emotion power was granted, and the personality that developed would form over several months.  
  
Gennai's marionette Gemini already had one, and by all reports the marionette was a bit of a flirt. She was also a very traditional girl, allowing for the fact that her movement speed was slow and there were some problems developing with her leg actuators. She also got lost about as often as Ryoga Hibiki, requiring Lime to find her and escort her home.  
  
THIS, Jared felt, would turn Terra Two upside down almost as much as the Return Of Woman project had.   
  
-------  
  
Ranma/Akumakun timeline:  
  
Having gotten some time in with his own fiancee brigade, the Jared (#3) on a resort world of beaches ignored the downed spaceship (a glimpse of Mihoshi and Ryouga holding hands had been enough for him to abort the rescue operation) decided to do something about Ranko's problem.  
  
Besides, the spell keeping him as several seperate copies was beginning to destabilize despite the spelltrap. Best to get all of him together.   
  
The excuse was getting Ranko to where *she* needed to go. Unfortunately, Ranko seemed to have the same effect on dimensional travel that Grey did.  
  
Jared let the Gateway close behind him, but frowned. "This looks like Azabu Juuban, not Nerima."  
  
"Wow, big brother, how can you tell?" To Ranko it was just another part of a way too big city.  
  
"Tokyo Tower," said Jared, pointing to the landmark sticking up over a couple of smaller buildings. He immediately got his map out and started going over it. "Let's see. Turn right at the third star, go left at the fourth color pool..."  
  
"SKILL CARD! RETURN TO YOUR POWER CONFINED!!"  
  
Jared bit his lip as he felt power being sucked out of him, this felt almost exactly like the level draining attacks of certain undead, except that this was a steady drain.  
  
Ranko was not inclined to let someone hurt her big brother. She swung a punch that took a chunk out of a nearby wall. "Let him alone, you meanie!"  
  
"Hey, they're not supposed to gang up on me!"  
  
"I'll get it! Force know my plight! Release the light! Lightning!"  
  
Jared took a deep breath, then got a look at his attackers. The idea that a grade school kid had been able to do THAT much damage to HIM was both mortifying and horrifying. There was Ranko being hit by lightning. Still, she'd bought him the chance to recover and there was that girl with the weird cane about to use it again on him.  
  
"Medusa's gaze manifest,  
Rid me of this pest,  
To greyscale take her tone,  
Invoke- Flesh to Stone!"  
  
The girl in question looked a bit shocked as her skin altered to a dull grey in color. The odd stick dropped from her hands as they turned stiff and apparently lifeless.  
  
"Why you!" The little boy with the sword looked ready to do something, while the girl with the camcorder behind him looked almost ready to bolt. And Jared felt sufficiently weakened that he might have to go all out against a martial artist/spellcaster.  
  
*WHAM!* Some little Amazon girl who'd tried to grapple with Ranko was abruptly thrown into the ice machine sitting outside a Mom & Pop grocery store.  
  
Ranko grabbed the dropped "cane" and was apparently going to protect her "big brother" from strange spellcasters. "I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS! YOU MEANIES!" She had also, apparently, found her limit for being attacked by strange people.  
  
"Li, is that the Strength card?" Madison asked in a weak voice.  
  
"Hey! You better... " *THWACK!* a small flying stuffed animal landed in the same ice machine as the Amazon girl.  
  
"Look out!" Li swung his sword, slashing out as the batwinged Clow card raised the Key of Clow up to hit him with it. His blade cut through the clothing, but merely glanced along the flesh underneath.   
  
*WHAM!* *WHAP!*  
  
"Uhm, Ranko? That was a bit much." Jared felt strength slowly returning to him.   
  
"Uhm, excuse me?"  
  
Jared and Ranko looked over the business suited individual, nonplussed. After all that, someone had found the nerve to approach them?  
  
"My name is Nobuo, I'm with the Tokyo Giants? The Baseball team? Uhm? Does the young lady have an agent?"  
  
Jared was immediately grateful that Genma was nowhere to be found, but decided that those legs sticking out of the ice machine was the first priority.  
  
Though finding some way for channel magic besides strength seemed in order. Hmmm. Maybe...  
  
--------  
  
a little later, in a very different reality:  
  
Ranko looked over the cards.   
  
Jared merely raised an eyebrow. "These will work?"  
  
"Well, theoretically," said the dark elf, filling an order for a strawberry parfait. "A lot of magic is symbols and invocation. So magical cards which allow you to manifest things like this is certainly within the bounds of reason. This is just a starter set of six cards, if they work well we can make more. Certainly she's got enough magical potential that an outlet like this is feasible."  
  
Jared eyed Edema. It was nice to interact with someone who wasn't even remotely a fiancee and sufficiently accomplished that they could talk shop as equals. In magic at least. Even if it was a damn dark elf. Chocoholic dark elves, what next? Though he was still considering methods of getting even with her for what she'd done on that Sabre Marionette world. "So, what six spells?"  
  
"Keeping in mind her nature," said Edema in her usual soft Southeastern US drawl, "Ah went with some basic non-offensive stuff. Comprehend Languages, Expeditious Retreat, Mage Armor, Message, Plant Growth, Shield. If this here works out, there's some other possibilities."  
  
Jared held up one of his hands, accepting one of the cards from Ranko. "Animayhem cards?"  
  
Edema shrugged. "There's a couple of cursed decks running around, seemed fitting to come up with a version that wasn't so bad. A project Ah worked out in my spare time."  
  
Jared looked closer over the card he had and had to admit the work, though rushed, was "top shelf." Essentially the pattern of a spell, requiring only the energies to be pumped into it. Similar to techno-wizardry in its way, or a scroll with a Permanency spell. The Shield Card showed Aeka from Tenchi Muyo putting up a defensive barrier. "Improved Shield, isn't this? More like Otiluke's Resilient Sphere than the first level spell."  
  
Jared looked over the card, but his smile was from something else. Oh yes. He could indeed top Edema's little "joke."  
  
-------  
  
an SMJ timeline:  
  
Lorelei was trembling in terror.  
  
This was good for her, it was exactly what she'd wanted in climbing into this vipers nest of probabilities. The Pheonix Mage was the only man on Terra Two who didn't hold her in nigh-worshipful regard, had sufficient capriciousness and his own forms of justice and views on honor to act, but more important he was of sufficient power levels not to care what the   
rest of the world thought about whatever he did to her.  
  
Thus, he had a fully developed sense of justice and the ability to use it. Having triggered his temper, it satisfied Lorelei's requirements of punishment whatever he chose to do to her so long as it was nasty.  
  
Standing there blindfolded while he had taken a measuring tape to her, and now the sounds of cutting, slicing, chewing and hammering had gotten her convinced that whatever it was was going to be properly horrible.  
  
She had alot to atone for, after all. She had the murder of her friends and coworkers of the colony ship Mesopotamia on her conscience and the sufferings of a whole world and the dementia of a madman to lay at her feet by her reckoning. If whatever the Mage came up with wasn't bad   
enough she'd have to seek out more herself. That was why she was almost reassured by the ripping and tearing sounds that split the air. If he was testing out some device for soon mutilating her useless (even her genetic pattern was no longer required) body, then so much the better. That saved her from the futility of living and the trouble of flinging her own guilty self over a cliff in the badlands to be impaled on shards of crystal.  
  
The woman was having a lethal attack of guilt.  
  
Jared sat by watching the blindfolded woman tremble in terror of her own nasty imagination while a Robotech sewing machine continued to work on cloth - producing noise that could well be mistaken for chewing, and certainly genuine sounds of cutting, slicing and ripping of the most   
gleefully horrific intensity.  
  
The hammering came from the occassional need for a rivet or stud in a leather jacket another machine was making at the same time.  
  
The machine ceased and Jared took the latest garment it had produced (he'd had it create a small wardrobe just to have enough noise for long enough) and walked over to Lorelei. She was shivering as he in utmost silence set up a changing screen between her and him, then with a proper sense of the theatric, but where he could not possibly see her, cast a cantrip that cut her clothes, then followed it up with a bit of telekinesis and a minor illusion.  
  
Lorelei felt herself roughly seized and her clothes torn from off her body, save only her underwear and the blindfold. Shivering in that near-naked state, she was struck in the face with something soft when Jared, in a gruff voice, demanded that she put it on. Then when she was halfway in his sharp voice barked the order that she not forget the plumbing connections.  
  
Jared sat idly peeling fruit on the other side of the changing screen while Lorelei's imagination put her through all sorts of humiliation.  
  
It was a spacesuit. That much was obvious to Lorelei, and it called to mind all kinds of truly terrifying things, from spacer rumors and bad movies (the memory of Dr Madblight on the Star Strider TV show putting mindworms in the heroes helmets then forcing them to put them on was   
still a vivid childhood memory for her), through genuine incidents that had occured aboard the Mesopotamia (small leaks leading to partial depressurization, insects getting inside someone's spacesuit, or one time a repair team running out of oxygen supply), to her own private horrors   
(a spacesuit can get claustrophobic at times, and the mental image of a steadily shrinking spacesuit is a horror common along the spacelanes - though rarely shared or voiced aloud). By the time she was dressed Lorelei's own mind had put her through enough might-be's that she was   
weak from fright and some small corner of her mind was beginning to wonder if she'd suffered enough.  
  
Jared continued to idly peel fruit, confident that whatever her mind did to her would be what she wanted out of this. Hearing the sounds of changing stop, he chose that moment to peer around the screen, noted her cheeks were flushed from an embarrassment and shame that hadn't happened, and her knuckles white with fright, and very quietly removed the changing screen that had shielded her modesty the whole time and not allowed any sort of shame outside her own mind.  
  
Still, he was sickened with this part of the drama and wanted to move on. Even letting her own imagination do all the dirty parts he still felt the distinct need to bathe for his own part in providing the necessary backdrop.  
  
He justified it only because he was redeeming a soul here, not condemning one, and unless the lady felt punished she would never be able to live with herself. On that note, he ran a table saw for a long second, letting the high-pitched mechanical squeal cause the weakened doctor to nearly wet herself.  
  
Then they teleported to another locale.  
  
Properly terrified, Lorelei felt the blindfold torn (rather gently taken, but at that point her mind was jumping at shadows) from her and beheld that she was NOT wearing her helmet and looking out unprotected over the vault of space with the atmosphere miles beneath her feet.  
  
This time she did wet herself, but that's what the spacesuit's plumbing connectors were *for*, and it was a good thing she had connected them.  
  
The Pheonix Mage was floating there next to her, and poor Dr Lorelei came up with the conclusion that it was his presence so far that had spared her and soon her would leave and then, yadda, yadda, yadda...  
  
It was a pretty predictable track. Pathetic, but then she *was* getting it out of her system. As it was concluding it's latest horror scenario, Lorelei's brain noted the presence of the gutted hulk of the Mesopotamia floating under their feet and the same fatalistic portion (that was now crowded ever so gently by the 'I-don't-like-this-can-we-go-home-now?' portion) sighed in melodramatic luxury about how fitting it was for her to meet her end here where her evil deeds began.  
  
Jared was beginning to quietly wish that he'd never started that ESP spell. This lady had developed guilt to an art form.  
  
Seeing her go off on another mental tangental nightmare scenario, the Mage gently coughed into a hand to get her attention. "Ahem." He took out a microcomputer calculator and began punching keys. "So let's see. The death count... no, scratch that. Total sum of your crimes as I have it   
is; One, the event aboard the Mesopotamia that led to the crew deaths. Two, the near failure of the colony. Three, hardship and suffering to all the clones by lack of a 'normal' society and the company of women. And Four, the madness of Faust and all of the hardship and pain that caused. I'll lean a little heavily on you for that and count those clones afflicted under his rule or in his wars as double - once for suffering under a warped society without women and once for suffering under Faust. That leaves our total numbers these."  
  
He flashed the review screen towards her and Dr Lorelei felt, even with all her apprehension, that it was alot, yet still lower than she'd been expecting. Her guilt reflex tried to kick in but after all its recent bouts it was starting to feel a little tired, now honest curiosity was   
trying to take over.  
  
What would he do to her?  
  
Besides, seeing the results quantified, no matter their size, robbed them of some of their mystical largeness. The scientist part of Lorelei - a substantial majority, was starting to review the figures and compare herself to other benchmarks (major historical villains for the most part), and in that light saw her own results as surprisingly small.  
  
There comes a substantial amount of pride along with the "I'm so awful, I'm so terrible" point of view that refuses its own forgiveness. It is, by necessity, a warped, reversed sort of pride that wallows in it's own weaknesses rather than overemphasising its strengths, but it is still a form of false pride. Seeing the numbers proclaim you a small fish deflates a lot of that, and with pride gone (or at least reduced) the mind sees a problem and just deals with it. Normal mental healing can begin.  
  
Not that it was far advanced in Lorelei, but it was a start.  
  
Once her attention wandered back to the Mage again, Lorelei realized that he was smiling. Also, floating alongside him, was his small cluster of Sailor Scouts looking on her in varying levels of approval and curiosity.  
  
Jared waved a hand toward the relic of a spaceship. "Well, let us begin from the beginning. First Crime, the deaths aboard the Mesopotamia. Saturn?"  
  
The girl known privately as Holly Tomoe floated forward and promptly found she was consumed in a flying tackle from Sailor Moon, who was crying. "Waaah! I wanna do it!"  
  
"Sailor Moon!" The Mage said reprovingly, casting a glance aside at Lorelei. "Remember! We're doing this in rotation. You get to heal the next large crowd of innocents."  
  
"But the last time was only a couple of silly illnesses! And the time *before* Holly got to raise a whole horde of vampires! You aren't being fair! She gets all the fun ones." Serena sniffled at the major injustice.  
  
The Mage flung his hands up, trying not to smile. "BUNNY!" He said, doing his best not to sound so amused. "Who was it hopping about on that world of the Living Dead? You'd cured all but a million of them and it wasn't even your turn!"  
  
"Okaaay..." Sailor Moon released her hold on Saturn. She joyfully caroled and she sang the next claim. "But I get to heal the madman!"  
  
Jared rolled his eyes as part of the act. "Okay, you get to heal the madman. Now Saturn?"  
  
Fighting her own grin (it had been discovered that Sailor Moon *had* to fight with someone over something, so they did this merely to keep her happy) Sailor Saturn freed her staff and swung it at an angle to activate its powers.  
  
"Saturn Healing Escalation!"  
  
Lorelei was blinking, face slackened in surprise. "But... they've all been dead now for hundreds of years..." She objected weakly.  
  
"Yeah!" Jared agreed, watching the show. "Neat, isn't it?"  
  
The glowing ball of Saturn's light raced forward to engulf the ruined colony ship, and while this was still happening, he turned to face Uranus. "Second Crime, the loss of the Colony resources, tools and time. Uranus?"  
  
The tomboyish Scout gathered in her own light and shot a ball toward the Mesopotamia, where her powers began to knit to gether the tortured and torn machinery with a finesse gained from studying under the Pheonix Mage, using her powers in a way beyond her untutored counterparts of   
other Sailor Moon worlds to twist and shape the metal back into its original forms.  
  
Said Pheonix Mage nodded as the running lights of the colony ship Mesopotamia came on and the crew within began to stir, alive for the first time in centuries. He pivoted in space to watch Lorelei's slack-jawed features absorbing this. To her astonihment, he pronounced. "Crime one, the deaths - absolved. You can't have a murder without a victim, and life has been restored to them. Crime Two, the nigh-failure of the colony. Well, without going in to too much detail of my rationalization they have all of their equipment restored to working order - thus, all of the possibilities they had before (minus one insane computer). It ought to be fascinating to see the original crew interacting with the cloned descendants of the other colonists, but   
between the ship restored and their tools working along with the advanced state of society on the ground, total loss of equipment and resources is zero. Jupiter?"  
  
Already ready, the Scout of Jupiter raced off trailing glowing sparkles over the surface of Terra Two. Where the trail of green sparks hit dirt began to churn and plants grow at an astonishing rate, leaving the globe belted by rings of mature jungle forest. Then she ringed it again sewing grass and wheat.  
  
Jared nodded. It was good. "Terraforming level is now what they could have done given time and their tools. Population level is already approximately right. I pronounce Crime Two absolved. You are forgiven it."  
  
Lorelei was now crying tears that had nothing to do with punishment. Seeing shuttles rush about the ship had reinvigorated a portion of her heart that had been most grieviously sore. The extra growth and lushness of the planet was curing an ache she hadn't known existed. Rather than her own pain, she was feeling happy over someone else's reward.  
  
Watching Lorelei's face it was clear that, astonishment or no, joy or not, she would later feel the need to be punished anyway. Perhaps at a much lower intensity, but this woman wasn't done feeling guilty yet.  
  
However, nothing *could* have done away with her guilt in one fell swoop save for her death arranged in the most aggrivating manner - which he was and had been unwilling to do. So for any other methods taking chips out of her complex was the best they could do.  
  
Looking back at the ship, he mentioned conversationally to Lorelei. "I'd always been intending to have come up here and done this, but things kept getting in the way. I might've forgotten if you hadn't intervened." He glanced toward her. "Thank you."  
  
She was too worked up with conflicting desires to respond.  
  
He nodded, then they teleported back into the lab.  
  
"Crime Three I'll deal with in a moment, but for now we'll skip to Crime Four." Jared swung open the door on a retaining tank - one of those used to hold marionettes but this one converted with straps and restraints. Inside was Faust.  
  
"My turn!!" Sailor Moon caroled, healing the guy before anyone could object.  
  
Blinking the effects of the light out of his eyes, Jared added."Well, I *had* wanted to do more of a speech than that. But it's done. No more madman, and I've already deleted the brain tapes and multiple backup copies the original kept of his insane personality." He gestured to the   
small boy now looking confused, climbing hesitantly out of the too-large straps of the tanks being helped by Sailors Jupiter and Mars. "This Faust is now just as he was before they put in the original's memory tapes. A normal boy. Crime Four..." he shrugged. "Not exactly absolved, but no longer causing hurt to anyone. Toss the body count on top of crime three and we'll get going."  
  
With a wave of his hand he teleported the boy right into Panther's arms with a note explaining things, whereupon the three marionettes with loyalty to Faust promptly began a celebration that would do many hearts great good for years to come.  
  
"Crime Three." Jared concluded with seriousness, interrupting Lorelei's increasing joy. "You claim having caused hardship and pain to a large number of people. I have no easy fix for it. Therefore, you must suffer most horribly for that." he held up a finger. "One, you are to be   
separated from your family, friends and associates from the Mesopotamia." He held up another finger. "Two, you are to be forced apart from the one whom you love: Otaru. Three," anothing finger. "You will be kept from the close company of your daughters, the marionettes Lime, Cherry and Bloodberry."  
  
The mage threw his hands helplessly and shook his head. "But having taken all away from you we can, we still end up short. I guess there is no help for it but to sentence you to go about doing good, to aiding in the lives of others and causing as much *relief* from heartache and suffering as you have power to do. Naturally this will take you many lifetimes, and as we can't allow you to inflict your suffering on a clone of you you have got to do it yourself. The only way this could be done would be to increase your lifespan unnaturally, and as I am the only one who could do that and you already have a debt to me from reversing the effects of your previous crimes, you can accept service under me to absolve that debt and gain your opportunity to help others. You have a duty to others no mortal could fulfill, and I have worlds where no amount of help could be enough."  
  
He offered her a short wand.  
  
"Sailor Terra Two, we ought to be going."  
  
----------  
  
RIFTS Earth:  
  
Rimshot settled to the ground, leaving the shimmering RIFT behind him to close.  
  
He had much to think of.   
  
His other self, the telepath Rigel Maerklos of a city called Waterdeep, was in a relationship with a short elven version of the Glitter Boy Pilot he knew as Ree Fukami. Other versions of himself had met other versions of other people he knew. And, despite differences, were apparently experiencing the sort of frustrating happiness that comes from a shared relationship.  
  
He had dismissed the possibility himself, despite an attraction to the girls. He was a True Atlantean, with a lifespan ten times what a normal human's was. He was a Techno-Wizard, a professional calling not one of them could or would understand. Even Suzy, the Mystic, didn't really have a clue - her style of magic was intuitive while he was a researcher. He was on a planet where danger and evil could be found by throwing a stone in practically any direction. Violence and a quick death ready to appear without notice.  
  
Not too unlike Rigel Maerklos and Wispara Deunan, he had been forced to recognize.  
  
Rigel Maerklos, a human telepath whose esper abilities had been so strong that his birth cries had been heard by mages and sensitives as far away as Cormyr. A disappointment to a family of mages, but someone apparently with a Destiny.  
  
Wispara Deunan, an elven rogue - though she reckoned herself a fighter specializing in clandestine operations. An outcast in her own homeland due to an accident of birth.  
  
Soulmates drawn to each other despite their differences.  
  
Wispara, as an elf, had a lifespan five times what her human lover could expect. So she spent as much time as she could with him, treasuring as much of that time as she could. As the equivelant of some medieval City Rat, she concentrated on the parts of her boyfriend's life that she could understand.   
  
Rimshot wondered if it wasn't time for him to try. Suzy was going off to some Jabberworks base in the Pacific. Aya, the Rogue Scientist, was still likely running experiments over in the Baronies. Whereas...  
  
The Techno-wizard realized where he was. Not far, as such things went, from Lazlo. Wherein a tall girl he once knew name Emi-li had her base of operations. The ponytailed Predator armor pilot would have to be gotten off her drug addiction, and it would be difficult.  
  
But, Rimshot realized, it might well be worth the effort.  
  
--------  
  
Waterdeep:  
  
Wispara looked up at "her Rigee" and squeezed his hand. "Are you sure 'bout this? That wizardess your Mom had picked out was a serious looker."  
  
Rigel nodded, but looked over the hill at his ancestral home without saying a thing.  
  
Wispara fretted for a moment. "Rigee, if... if you want to go back..." She might be unwanted in her own homeland, but she was an elf. Families were *very* important to elves. Rigel had forged a mindlink between them enough that she knew fully well how important his family was to him.   
  
Rigel squeezed Wisp's hand back in response, smiling down at her. For a feisty girl, she certainly needed reassurance at times. Like now. "Second thoughts?"  
  
Wispara tapped her forehead, then reached up to place that finger on his forehead. "You're the expert on that, ain't ya?"  
  
Recognizing the invitation, Rigel forged the link. They'd linked so often, surface-to-surface, that he could almost do it in his sleep. (and suspected on a couple of occasions he had).  
  
He delved deeper though, not to probe or read her mind, but to show her his.  
  
He sent love and honest affection, regret but no doubts.  
  
Wisp turned around, not wanting her Rigee to see her cry. Completely ignoring the fact that the link was still going and he could sense it from her.   
  
He waited until she had composed herself again before lightly grasping her shoulder. "What about you?"  
  
"Nay there, nothing important," Wisp turned and hugged her soulmate briefly. "Maybe your mom'll give up this latest scheme and we can return, eh?"  
  
Rigel cut the mindlink before his imagery of icicles hanging from volcanoes could make the journey. "Now, fair elf, where exactly have you planned for us to go?"  
  
"The Promenade, at first," said Wisp with a wink. "Then, perhaps, go visit an old ally. I think the Harpers could do far worse than having a mindreader and elven warrior join their ranks."  
  
Rigel winced. "As long as they don't ask me to sing."  
  
Wisp's smile was impish. "Not twice, they won't."  
  
----------  
  
Ranma/Akumakun timeline:  
  
Jared-1 sighed and looked around at the aftermath of the battle. "What a mess."  
  
"Well," said Makoto, brushing her fake moustache, and looking down on the girl she was still holding, "time to get to that there honeymoon."  
  
Grey rolled her eyes. "Right, Mako-chan, i think there's a couple of things wrong with that. One is that the minister over there isn't real."  
  
"Oh, I'm quite real," argued the minister, not saying that he was a real priest, merely real.  
  
"...and we're not married by Japanese law or custom."  
  
"It was a wonderful ceremony," added the priest, pulling out a laptop computer. "The records have been added at City Hall. Imagine the problems just getting a second Akane Tendo on the books. Especially as you're married twice already."  
  
"Hah?!" Grey blinked. "Oh yeah, when Ukyo rescued me and Shampoo was walking by. Well then, there's also the fact that I happen to be female at the moment, so is Mako-chan. So are Ukyo and Shampoo. And whatever the plumbing states, my mental orientation is male."  
  
"So that makes it all right," concluded the priest.  
  
"Rrrrr. Not only are girl+girl marriages illegal (1992 Tokyo) but multiple marriages? Nope, they've got to be illegal. And since this isn't one of those Ami+Makoto timelines, i know darn well that none of the girls in question swings that way." Grey hoped.  
  
Jared stood atop a large rock and looked out across the range. "That's odd."  
  
"What?" Grey was desperate for a change of subject, and something to focus on besides how comfortable Makoto's lap was. "Some other attacking group?"  
  
"No. Well, at least not quite. There goes Nabiki, running on all fours and looking quite panicked. And there's..."  
  
"What?" Grey spent a moment trying to get OUT of Makoto's lap but the taller girl had leverage and greater strength. So Grey just spent a moment sulking and debating how undignified she wanted to look trying to get loose.  
  
"...it looks like Shampoo and Ukyo are both catgirls and are chasing Nabiki. Must be a mirage."  
  
"That catgirl curse isn't bite transmittable, is it?" Grey had a sudden image of "Night Of The Living Dead" meets catgirls. *shudder shudder*  
  
"No," said Jared, then paused. "At least I don't think so. I thought I checked for that."  
  
A priest paused, about to resume the argument about the marriage. "What... a wonderful idea..."  
  
Jared turned to see what the priest was talking about, but he was nowhere to be seen. He started to worry at the traces of magical residue, particularly at their intensity and flavor.  
  
Grey tried to look, but her position on Makoto's lap made it difficult.  
  
Feeling a ripple in reality, Jared REALLY started to worry.  
  
-----  
  
Toltiir sent a ripple out, as well as an e-mail message to Bast. The cat goddess ought to know about this one. It was within her balliwick, after all.  
  
Nabiki finally came to a stop, exhausted, the two newly created catgirls a bare moment behind her.  
  
Nabiki panted and looked at the two barely winded warriors. "OKAY, that's enough you two! Meowr!"  
  
Shampoo sat down and began plucking burrs out of her tail. "Nabiki rowr run verrry trrricksy, but not have good endurrrance. Shampoo worrrk on that."  
  
Ukyo sniffed. "Nowrrr I have to change my stage name to Black Cat. Not mrowr Black Fox anymore. Ftttt."  
  
Nabiki smiled at her two converts. The way the blood sang within her, her run leaving her tired but feeling especially warm and pleasant. "Mrowr. Who we get next, mrowwr?"  
  
"Rrrranma have much prride," snickered Shampoo, pleased at her jest.  
  
"Rrrrrrr," said Nabiki almost dozing as her seat on a warm rock got to feeling entirely too good. "Not surrre who the bite worrrk on. Was just thought, and if that hadn't worrrked, would have tried Pokeballs."  
  
"Well, then Ukyo think," Ukyo started then began sniffing. "Is Rrrranma-honey!"  
  
"Airrrren?" Shampoo purred, eyes half closed. "Shampoo not rrrealize Rrranma have such nice scent. Verrry pleasant."  
  
"Well, you know what they say," Ukyo said with a smile that matched Shampoo's.  
  
"What?" Nabiki started sniffing the breeze. ~Ah, he's still trying to get that horse under control. Heh heh.~  
  
"Firrrst come, firrst served!" The blur known as Ukyo Kuonji said, using her catgirl reflexes and speed to full effect.  
  
"Rrrrowr!" Shampoo protested, a purple blur not far behind.  
  
"Hmmmph, Nabiki see she..." Nabiki frowned and threw off the odd speech pattern with effort. "*I* see that I'm going to have to fight to keep Alpha status. Not that *that* couldn't be fun..." A third blur launched itself.  
  
---------  
  
Not far away, Ranma (currently in girlform) felt this *awful* chill and tried to get "Damn Beast" under control. Still. She'd been trying for quite awhile.  
  
The horse, as usual, was not being cooperative. However this time it had a reason for being contrary. It was absolutely positively *certain* that there were three large hunting cats stalking it, and that was enough for the horse to decide it was time to hustle butt.  
  
-------  
  
Kasumi was about to speak to Jared, finally having stepped over enough comatose bodies and gathered enough nerve, when the moment was (inevitably) shattered.  
  
"WHOA, YOU DAMN THING, WHOA!" *ZOOM!*  
  
Makoto, about to further tease the girl in her lap, blinked. "You know, that kind of looked like my sempai..."  
  
"Akane" growled. Whether it was because she was still being held captive in her "husband's" lap or the remark that did it was another question.  
  
"He's still having a lot of trouble with that horse," said Jared, stating the obvious.   
  
"ROWR! Airrren!" A purple blur sped past the group.   
  
"Shampoo?!" Grey finally got out of Makoto's lap, with a grumble about how she was *not* a cuddle toy and just wait till she got turned back into a guy...   
  
"Rrrrranchan! Wait up!" Another blur running past them.  
  
"Ukyo the catgirl," Jared said. "Well, I haven't seen THAT very often."  
  
"Well, let's get going," Grey said, ignoring that she was still wearing a wedding dress. "We've got to ride! Ami, Makoto, can you make sure Kasumi and the other noncombatants are safe?"  
  
"No problem," Ami said. "Uhm what about Serenity and Morrigan?"  
  
"Well, they're not combatants until they wake up," reasoned Grey. "I don't think anything will happen, but you never know around here."  
  
With that, Jared and the Akane-lookalike vaulted onto horses and rode off.  
  
Naoko moved on an intercept course, planning to interview some of them. With catgirls and cowboys, this might be weird enough to work as a series.  
  
Nabiki stalked closer, choosing her first victim carefully and sprang to the attack.  
  
------  
  
"Akane" (since Ranma was around, and he'd freaked at the idea of a guy being turned into a girl permanently, everyone just used Akane for Grey when Ranma was nearby) used surprise, distraction, and the "Rowdy Roundup" technique to lasso and hogtie two catgirls while a not-scared but at least highly nervous Ranma-chan plastered herself to a wall.  
  
"Actually, I don't think they were trying to bite you," Jared answered Ranma's unspoken question, "though they might have done so just out of affection."  
  
"What you readin' on 'em," asked Akane, making sure the ropes were secure.  
  
"Looks like a basic template transformation spell, similar to Jusenkyo in some ways. Except this is always on, and it's a little more complicated."  
  
"Complicated?" Ranma repeated, trying not to get creeped out by the meowing catgirls.  
  
"Something modified Nabiki's transformation, upgraded it," Jared produced a blackboard and pointer out of nowhere. "Many spells of this type work on the idea that a creature or thing can be described as a set of related variables. You see here a typical Jusenkyo curse. Transformation is triggered via water temperature, and the only thing really affected is the variable for species. Thus, your Jusenkyo curse transforms you into a girl - but the girl is actually a representation of how you'd look if you'd been born a girl instead of a boy. More or less. There's very little other than a simple physical transformation."  
  
"So the basic template's altered from just being the Catfist?" Akane nodded, then frowned at Jared's look of shock. "Hey now! Don't forget i'm a priest of healing. Curses and transformative spells come with the territory."  
  
Jared nodded, recovering quickly. "Essentially this copies the Catfist spirit. It also changes..." Jared started scribbling on the board, taking a few moments every so often to look over the magic surrounding the two girls. "Not only does it give them minor access to the Catfist, but enhanced recuperative abilities. The transformation's been compartmentalized. Until three days from the bite, it can all be modified or negated fairly easily."  
  
[Species: Human, gender: female] [Species: Catgirl] {Define parameters Catgirl: feline ears, feline tail, feline mannerisms, cute, cuddly, affectionate, enhanced senses (hearing, smell, nightvision), enhanced speed, enhanced strength, enhanced vitality, minor feline features, gender female, transformative bite}   
  
"The thing is," Jared said, looking at both girls and the blackboard to be sure he'd gotten everything, "it looks like the transformative bite is the easiest 'off switch' - anyone with magical training and a piece of silver could do it."  
  
"Better do it, or Ranma's gonna end up with his curse changing him from Ranma-kun to Ranko-neko." Akane pointed. "Looks like it won't affect guys but his girlform would be vulnerable."  
  
"Well, I... AAAAGHHHH!" Ranma saw movement heading her way and bolted.  
  
"Rowr!" A blue haired girl with a furry blue tail said, making a thirty foot leap and running.  
  
"Sempai?!" A ponytailed catgirl exclaimed as she also leapt past.  
  
"Meowr! In the name of catnip, we'll punish you!" Another catgirl, this one with silver hair, zipped past.  
  
"Akane" fell inelegantly to the ground. "A-a-ami?!"  
  
Jared frowned, then looked over the spells and the blackboard. Funny, there wasn't a [chase after Ranma] segment that *he* could see. Then he noticed some of those who'd been chasing Ranma come loping back.  
  
Akane/Grey merely stared at the ground, twitching slightly. Hope had blossomed only to be crushed. Alone in dark despair again.  
  
"Mya!" *pounce!*  
  
Finding herself knocked flat on her back, Grey stared up at the catgirl currently straddling her. "Ami?!"  
  
"Mya! Who did you think?" Ami smiled down at Grey, showing fangs. "Nyaow, Ameow caught you, now what is Ameow going to do with you?"  
  
Jared considered the sight, conjured a folding chair and a tray of frosty fruit smoothies and raised a toast to Ami. How did that phrase go? Oh yes. "You go, girl!"  
  
"Nya! Ami, you smarticat! What you doing?" A ponytailed catgirl landed near the blue maned catgirl. And then one with two long silver ponytails, and another with a red bow on her tail and another bow in her terrific yellow mane, and a...  
  
"Hey, stop it! Hee hee heee. Cut it out- ahhhhhaha... Ami, don't..."  
  
"Nya, she's ticklish in the same places he is? Nyaow! Ameow going to get even with husband who leads poor wife on long chase!"  
  
For effect, the redhaired mage looking on was now dressed in formal Roman robes with a leafy garland upon his head, and held out a thumb... Turned down. The accompanying panda sign read [Tickle her until she pees!]  
  
"Bwahahaha! NO! Ami-- don't eeep! Cut it out!" The rest of Grey's comments were lost in a fit of giggling.  
  
Sipping elaborate fruit juices, Jared commented to himself. "Sad, isn't it?" He gestured grandly. "But if this young lady had taken proper precautions she would not have fallen prey to the insatiable tickle monsters."  
  
He briefly considered a spell to snip the transformative bite part. But frankly anything that could happen to Grey would be an improvement over being Akane and in perfect honesty he could see how being an uninhibited catgirl could do the poor fellow enormous good.  
  
Other than that, well, at least it *was* easy enough to tell the Eva crew from his own Scouts. He said a quick prayer of gratitute that they weren't here to witness this. They'd want to play.  
  
"Oh, myaow!"  
  
Jared blinked and turned to regard Kasumi. Kasumi the catgirl. Whose tail was lashing about in agitation.  
  
"Jared-san," said the aproned catgirl, ignoring the howling and helpless giggling going on a few yards away. "Kasumeow not wanted to rrrrr?! Jarrred smell nice..."  
  
"Huh?" Whatever Jared had expected to be said, that was not on the list.  
  
Jared looked around. Shampoo and Ukyo had almost gnawed through their ropes. There was a group of catgirls over *there* sniffing around and tickling a figure on the ground with their tails. Except for Ami who was getting *quite* cuddlesome from the look of it. There was one of Black Bart's traps over there...  
  
Jared's eyes widened. Bales of catnip, high grade stuff, to be used to lure Nabiki into a trap. And the wind was blowing...   
  
*SPLOOSH!!!!*  
  
Grey, currently with pointy ears and a long furry tail poking out from beneath the tattered remains of her wedding dress, stood over 'Sherry' with an empty water bucket. Causing the mage to realize that he had not yet cured his Jusenkyo curse. No problem, he had a Dimension Door ready for *just* such an emergency.  
  
At which point *someone* bit Sherry in the behind.   
  
"Oh dearrrr."  
  
--------  
  
"Nyaow whose idea was this?" Ranma-neko inquired, running on all fours.  
  
Not far away from him, the black haired near-Akane growled. "Nyot mine! Fttttt!"  
  
"Rowr, you don't know teleport do ya?"   
  
"Nya, Grey would have left like Sherry did, *before* getting bit! Think Grey can dispel transformation, need to be wherrre can't get tickled." Grey looked thoughtful. "If was just Amieow and was male, might be fun!"  
  
"They gaining on us!" Ranma-neko exclaimed with a glance backward, being spurred on to greater speeds by the idea of WHAT Shampoo or Ukyo would do if they caught him/her. Whatever.  
  
"At least Rrrranko can escape if find hot waterrr," grumbled Grey. "Unless can dispel OWN currrse, now am stuck forrr durrration."  
  
Ranma-neko and Grey exclaimed at once. "Thisss sucks!"  
  
Behind them, the leaping throng of catgirls decided not to close any further. This game was too much fun to end it too early.  
  
Someone stepped into the road. "Ahhh, pigtailed girl, come leap... into... my arms?!" Kuno's eyes widened, the picture before him sufficiently strange to penetrate his disassociation with reality. "Oh dear."  
  
*SLAM!* *TRAMPLE!* *THUD!* "ouch" *trample* x 20. "I believe the noble Blue Thunder will rest now. Ohhhhhh."  
  
-------  
  
Sherry had used a quick spell to bring hot water, then had used it to change back.  
  
*bad* mistake. Transforming into a catBOY had suddenly put him into the category of "serious emitter of pheromones" around a bunch of rampaging catgirls. To his (and their own) considerable relief, both Grey and Ranma had sufficiently male self images that they had shaken it off. To Grey's considerable relief, Ami had NOT immediately pounced on the new Alpha male.  
  
Unfortunately every other catgirl in range had gone a little bit nuts between the pheromones, their own unfamiliarity with the catgirl transformation lowering their inhibitions and self-control, and the scent of the catnip from Black Bart's trap.  
  
Fortunately, Black Bart had put a LOT of catnip out. Enough that some little kitties were stoned to the point where they couldn't even find their feet or do much more than giggle at the funny colors.  
  
It was easy enough to lose most of them, his monk training made it possible for him to run so fast most would think he'd teleported. Then, of course, he *had* teleported him.  
  
Which left him with a Kasumi wrapped around him, but otherwise free.  
  
He considered just snipping through the segment that would unravel the whole transformation. This whole thing was *meant* to be easily dispelled. Up until the third day, when it would get progressively harder. Even then the transformative bite would remain easy. The difficult part was the [species=catgirl] segment. Snip that and the rest fell apart, and it would be easy to snip, but as the rest was dependent on it, you couldn't just snip that and leave the [health=high, no deformities or genetic damage] segment.   
  
Otherwise he'd have left *that* part and merely switched [catgirl] for [elf] (far superior to human or catgirl, of course) and let them run merrily amuck in Tokyo, puncturing all sorts of staid attitudes and playing hob with Japanese elitism as the number of elves increased expotentially.  
  
He hated to do it, but *SNAP!*  
  
The glow passed over him and Kasumi, removing fur and tails, restoring ears and normal parameters.   
  
Kasumi let go of him with a gasp and a heavy blush. She'd been grabbing onto him and PURRING! Oh my didn't even begin to cover it.  
  
Jared briefly thought about all the comments he *could* make, but knew full well that if he said *anything* Kasumi would likely be locking herself in her room for several days.  
  
There was a trail of dust over there, and it didn't take elven sight to see that there was a red-maned catgirl and black-maned catgirl running ahead of a pack of other catgirls as they reached the exit of the Old West area.  
  
He winced slightly as the great Tatewaki Kuno got run over by both groups. Well, unless he wanted nations panicking about the sudden number of catgirls appearing in Japan, Jared figured he'd have to adopt a role he disliked.  
  
He was going to have to be the responsible one and contain the damage.  
  
Which was hardly fair, and *definitely* not the role he'd prefer. He'd prefer to spread the Chaos, not contain it.   
  
Jared had another thought and started getting to work. Unfortunately HIS girls were going to show up here eventually. And if they found *this* sort of thing...  
  
His spine got crawling willies when he heard behind him.  
  
"Technique: Catgirl Bite. Analyzed. Technique... acquirrred."  
  
He turned around just in time to see what it looked like when a Thundercat got bitten by a transformative catgirl bite.  
  
Suddenly recalling what Shan had done in the middle of a tribe of Amazons when in possession of a new trick that she saw useful for adding to the number and firepower of his brides, he quickly got ready the wide area counterspell.  
  
Seeing a beet-red Kasumi shyly offering her arm for a nibble to one of the *really* cute Thundercatgirls, Jared resolved to faint. When he had time for it. Right then he just threw the whammy for countering Shan's nibbling.  
  
"Fttt! Nyot yet!" Shan giggled, pivoting her staff and licking her chops. "Counterrrspell Counterr!"  
  
Near-Akane ran by, lipstick on her face and mascara half applied, Ami and the others in close pursuit brandishing hairstyling equipment and odd clothing amid gleeful, purring cries about wanting to play dress up.  
  
"Puuuuuurrrrr."  
  
Jared looked down to see Kasumi's tail emerging from around his beltline and a substantial bulge curled up inside his shirt. The effect of her rumbling was not unlike having a large, warm massage therapy device curled up against his chest.  
  
"ThunderrrrCats, Ho!"  
  
The mage twitched, seeing Shan speed off lightning quick in one direction and the fully loaded Thundertank in another. Behind this scene, Akane-neko ran past in a virtual panic, clothes handily shredded down to negligible quantities that barely covered the essentials while pouring on all the speed she could get running on all fours. Haruka and Michiru idly hopping along behind like a scene out of a Pepe La Pew cartoon, purring with bits of her wedding gown still clutched between their teeth.  
  
Reeling, the mage still had enough mercy in him to grab a jug of Spring of Drowned Boy and fling it with enough accuracy to send 'Akane' sprawling as it shattered and drenched her. As Ranma found a source of hot water at roughly the same time, the effects of this on the still plentiful catgirls was not unlike shaking a carbonated soda.  
  
He felt a great deal less regret casting the counterspell this time, only to get interrupted mid-phrase by a warning bite from under his still-purring shirt, and Kasumi's tail twitched once in displeasure.  
  
Part of being a successful adventurer is when to recognize defeat so you can learn from it.  
  
He closed his eyes and folded his arms seriously, though looking a bit silly with the bulge under his shirt. "Most ominous."  
  
*SPLASH!*  
  
"Yipe! Ow!"  
  
"Tee Hee!"  
  
"Ameow! Come to Darrrrling!"  
  
Kasumi's furry face peeked out from the collar of Sherry's shirt to watch a blue maned catgirl run past, twittering and purring, with a catboy Grey in hot pursuit. Ami-neko wasn't running terribly fast trying to escape, either. The pair were unfortunately interrupted by a tide of twittering catgirls arriving like a flood over the rise of the nearest hill.   
  
Grey ran full steam the other way, much to the disappointment of Ami.  
  
Sherry-neko turned to face Kasumi-neko. "Nyaow this *may* be getting out of hand."  
  
Kasumi licked her face.  
  
Then Kasumi bolted out from under her shirt to join in the chase of the Mutant Rat youma that had chosen a *singularly* bad time to make a reappearance.  
  
Sherry sighed, tail swishing. "Nyo help forrr it but to nyock out global communications, I guesss."  
  
==========  
  
next chapter: we wind up 3rd, set the stage for fourth, and resolve some of this stuff.  
  
Alternate Reincarnation table (Aramar)  
In the plane of Aramar, past deeds more than random factors influence the change. However a die roll is provided for those who want the vagaries of chance increased. Those deemed nonsuitable by the DM will be discarded, and some species (such as dragons) will only briefly adventure with more human-like companions. (Though they may cross paths many times in their careers.) Good adventurers will not become evil creatures or the reverse. Dragons start out as hatchlings.  
  
01-05 Mouseling (halfling) 06-09 Tallf (halfling) 10 Athasian Halfling  
11-15 Caiveh (lion folk) 16-19 Kirrfolk (cheetah) 20 Catfolk  
21-25 Delphins Amazon 26-29 Pixie 30 Athasian Half-giant  
31-35 Wolfen (wolf folk) 36-39 Reptine 40 Tortle  
41-45 Wood Elf 41-49 Sea Elf 50 Sky Elf  
51-55 Desert Dwarf 56-59 Dwarf 60 Ottari  
61-65 Driad 66-69 Naiad 70 Oriad  
71-75 Fire Elf 76-79 Thri-kreen 80 Ardrow (elf)  
81-85 Kenku (bird folk) 86-87 Hobgoblin 88-89 Ogrii or Ogre (choose)  
90 Red Dragon 91 Emerald Dragon 92 Sapphire Dragon  
93 Amethyst Dragon 94 Half Dragon 95 Copper Dragon  
96 Brass Dragon 97 Bronze Dragon 98 Silver Dragon  
99 Gold Dragon 00 Human (extremely rare)  
  
  
==========  
  
Third Labor, Chapter 22 "Catgirls & Mages Wild"  
  
"Society: when someone else's poor planning becomes your problem."  
  
Disclaimer: uhm see any number of previous chapters. the writers are not responsible for any ill effects from reading this and snorting cola out of your nose or anything like that.  
  
------  
  
One of the copies of Jared Saotome stood on Terra Two and wanted to make a speech. There was nobody around to hear him, but he wanted to do it anyway.  
  
So he did.  
  
"Today, 'Project Payback' is a reality, no - too cliche. Ahem. It's alive! No, too overused. Let's see... how about..." The Mage pondered briefly. "Four score and... no too inappropriate. It's about time, it's about space, it's about two girls in the strangest place... No - NOBODY will get THAT reference."  
  
Jared considered but trying to come up with something original and sufficiently glorious wasn't working. "Oh well, maybe next time. Here goes." He threw the lever.  
  
Machines began working, a cycle of feverish construction beginning at the molecular level, at the end of which they'd shut themselves down.  
  
He just hoped it would work. As for him, there were a few million other things he should be doing.  
  
---------  
  
Ranma/Akumakun timeline:  
  
Soun, sweeping at the door of the rebuilt Tendo home, looked up on hearing distant thundering to see a heavily scratched and beaten Genma-Rat (hairless panda) bearing down on him with thousands of playfully violent catgirls rampaging in pursuit.  
  
Closing from the other direction he heard his youngest daughter crying. "What a Haul! What a HAUL!!" To the accompanying sound of practically the entire female population of Nerima in pursuit trying to reclaim their lost underthings.  
  
From a third avenue, Grey closed in, arms full of cat toys that he frantically scattered behind him in a vain attempt to distract the untimely throng of pheromone crazed catgirls following him.  
  
Behind him, Soun heard the doors to the house lock.  
  
He twitched.  
  
--------  
  
Jared had remorselessly hunted down most of the catgirls. Well, okay, there was some remorse. Actually, there was kind of a lot.  
  
This bothered him somewhat, because the vast majority of the catgirls had been happy and well adjusted in very short order. Most had begged and pleaded *not* to be turned back. He'd gotten a charm for one very nice policewoman, so that once she found her partner (obviously hiding for the three days for the change to become permanent) she could remove the transformative bite.  
  
Nabiki had been *very* busy. And busy trying to avoid him as well.  
  
What surprised him was how good she was at it.  
  
She'd been to the orphanage. All the little meowing and playing catgirls had been a touching sight. Especially after the director had told him that almost all the little catgirls had been spoken for now by parents who just couldn't believe how cute the little tykes were. Jared just hadn't been able to bring himself to restore their humanity when they were so much happier than they had been. Though seeing them on the playground singing "(cat)Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" had been disconcerting.  
  
She'd been to the School For The Disabled. It had been heartwrenching to hear the pleas for them to remain as catgirls. Returning *them* to normal, no, he just couldn't do it. As with the others, he simply cut the spread of the transformation.  
  
Jared had spent a few moments watching nimble young catgirls doing acrobatics and scampering along treelimbs, discarded white canes and wheelchairs littering the ground.   
  
Nabiki had visited a hospital in Juuban specializing in burn victims, and many disfigured young ladies had delighted in their new forms. Many realized in a way that the disabled and the orphans had not, that they would be outsiders and viewed as less than human by many of their own countrymen. Well, he couldn't very well transform *them* back if he hadn't changed the others, could he?  
  
Again and again he was just behind or had "just missed" the errant catgirl. At an emergency room here. At a cancer treatment facility there. At a plastic surgery center over there. And everywhere he went, Jared heard the same comments.  
  
"Bless that girl." "I offered to pay her, but she said me being happy was payment enough." "She said something about it being the duty of a superhero catgirl to help out the needy. Weird girl. Nice, but weird." "She said she was engaged, if she changes her mind..."  
  
Jared was *most* unhappy with Nabiki.  
  
Even after finding out that she'd somehow discovered that having a catgirl bite silver removed the further spread of the transformation, and getting most of those she transformed to do so as a condition of their transformation, it was *still* a mess.  
  
Never mind the effects on the society. Never mind the trials and difficulties those transformed would face. Never mind the panic this could cause. No, Nabiki had to go off on her own and try to save the world by herself.  
  
Jared wasn't sure how he was going to deal with the kitten, but he'd think of something. He partly admired her, after all this was the sort of chaos *he* would consider doing. But he had to remind her that there *were* consequences.  
  
"Oh the humanity," swore Jared, posing dramatically. Then noticed something happening near the Tendo dojo. He'd have to look into that.  
  
--------  
  
Naoko Takeuchi flipped a page and continued sketching. This was too good to pass up. Her two friends had snapped pictures, and were now just trying to relax around all the furries.  
  
Amieow purred from where she had draped herself protectively against her mate and settled in for some long snuggling. She *radiated* content.  
  
Mewkoto, taller than any of the others, likewise purred and snuggled.  
  
Grey found *herself* purring and managed to cut that out. Amieow to the right, Mewkoto the left, Mineko Aino curled up in Grey's lap, and "Queen" Purrenity leaning up behind her.   
  
Of course, the Instant Nannichuan had worn off with the next splash. (Grey hadn't decided if it had *really* been an accident on Haruka's part.) The whole group had prepared to do something unspeakable...  
  
Having failed to reach the Tendo house in time, Grey had pleaded with Amieow not to do it. She (though really a he) had cringed (the only alternative to fleeing was fighting and the idea of hurting even an overenthusiastic feline Ami was less than palatable) and closed her eyes and waited.  
  
And immediately had to deal with a lot of bawling catgirls who were apologizing in between inarticulate sobbing.   
  
Ami listened to her husband. Didn't always agree with him/her, but she listened. And had started crying her eyes out. Fortunately not literally but it *had* basically started snowballing among all the others.  
  
And amidst all the mutual apologizing, tearful confessions, they'd slowly gotten to a slow grooming and the current mass cuddle.  
  
Naoko finished sketching more of the catgirls. THIS would sell and even if it were a girl's series the catgirls would interest enough guys to make it popular across the gender border.  
  
She was just glad that SHE had been turned back. With catgirls as with purple cows, she'd rather see than be one.  
  
Her friends would agree with that sentiment wholeheartedly, but looking at the scene before them, still felt a bit of envy.  
  
------  
  
A furry arm stretched alarmingly far around the doorframe, trying to get at the lock to open it.  
  
Ranma was cowering behind a chair, shivering in terror. "Arrre you sure they can't get in?"  
  
Jared looked at the arms already sliding through gaps he would have thought too small to fit through and hated to admit he wasn't. But then, with fully two thirds of the world's catboy population on one side of that door and an equal proportion of the catgirls out on the other, he was surprised it was holding as long as it did.  
  
SASAMI stood nearby, biting a fingertip in terror. "They've got some of them trying to reprogram my access codes. They're better than the local humans of this world, too." Honestly though, she knew better. All she had to do was cut all lines of communication and put up full shields. One or two of the catgirls scanned as having sufficient power that they *might* eventually get through, but the discharge of energies would fry the remaining catgirls as well as the surrounding neighborhood. And somehow, the threat to her inhabitants wasn't deemed as great as if they were surrounded by zombies or zuthenki.  
  
Jared folded his arms. "You know I've got to deal with this."  
  
"Thousands of affectionate catgirls? Yep, I can see that!" Ranma was quite serious. The concept of thousands of Nabiki out there, waiting to pounce on him and get all affectionate - it was frightening. Give him someone screaming death threats and attacking from ambush any day of the week over THAT.  
  
The Pheonix Mage rolled his eyes. "Well, Neko-chan," he brought up a finger, eyes ablaze. "I can see only ONE case for remedy in this situation, in order to save the remaining girls of Japan!"  
  
"Rrrrrealy? What?" Ranma-neko asked, ears folded flat as he watched the arm feeling around.  
  
"Yeah, what?" SASAMI chirped, looking nervously at the door. She could shoo them away by an ultrasonic wail, but Jared was an elf and that might hurt him as well. Likewise, she could pump electricity in higher and higher voltages through the outside of the house, but enough power to cause one catgirl discomfort would flash-fry another.  
  
Jared folded his arms, looking solemn. "A long time ago, in a very different place. I was playing D&D with my friends and the DM asked us to prepare characters starting at 25th level for a campaign he had in mind. Two characters each, all triple classed." The mage sighed solemnly. "Sadly, we were overwhelmed by the threats prepared. But!" Again that finger held triumphantly. "Both of my characters survived, though in hiding. Never again did we essay that adventure, but both those characters still live. I will call one of them to this place, the one known as The Vis. More properly known as *El* Vis. A triple classed mage-fighter-bard of 25th level, who also happened to be the only male Siren ever found!"  
  
Ranma splashed himself with cold water as the booms of distant construction machinery thrummed hollowly against their walls.   
  
Jared was in righteous declaration pose. "He, in his rhinestone-studded field plate was awesome to behold! With his intelligent wand known as Mike he was able to sing his magic songs without limit of times a day! In deference to it's master the wand always wished to be known as *the* Mike, and would broadcast forth his voice in song for miles! Nor was that the end of his ability! As with Ulysses men could plug their ears to stop the power of his song, so El Vis wears over his armor a magical tabard similar in function to a Robe of Scintillating Colors! His *voice* would charm, his very *appearance* would charm! He could scarcely go for a meal in a tavern without acquiring groupies! But still that was not all! For knowing of the perfidity of men who would seek to slay him he kept in stock a mighty, mystical perfume whose very *aroma* would charm! Thus even blind-deaf mutes who had bad taste in music would fall to his many charming abilities. It was virtually impossible to attack him without using the undead!"  
  
"Meow, is this rrreally supposed to help?" Ranko-neko found her tail lashing and clutched it with both hands to stop the irritating motion. Idly, she wondered why Jared hadn't changed *her* back.  
  
"Well," Jared admitted, rubbing his chin. "It wasn't entirely *supposed* to, I was just having fun. But now that you mention it, the guy could pull the most awesomely successful Pied Piper routine of all time. Since I'd hate restoring catgirls back into orphans and burn victims they could all just trot off to a new plane somewhere and everyone would be happy. But frankly, I'm just in this to cause trouble."  
  
The Mage flung wide his arms. "Behold! El Vis!"  
  
Poof!  
  
A male siren with carefully groomed black hair rose out of the cloud of mist, glittering rhinestones scattered on his white armor. He arose singing while lights played upon him and a delicious scent caught the air. "Love me tender..."  
  
It was interesting the way Ranko-neko could run at speeds that defied sound, her tail lashing in the brief cloud of dust that was her only sign of disappearance. SASAMI opened a window briefly for her to leap out of.  
  
There was a yelp of genuine terror as Ranma was plucked out of the air by a lot of grasping hands. There was a momentary surge of both wounded pride and relief as she was discarded as not being the catgirl they were looking for.  
  
Then the terror really began as Shampoo, Ukyo, Kodachi, Sayuri, Yuka, and a few catgirls Ranma could not immediately name pounced on her and started looking for hot water.  
  
Jared chuckled to himself as Washu would have done. "Um, did I forget to mention that since this is an illusion everyone is immune?" He snapped his fingers. "Oh well! Must have slipped my mind somehow."  
  
Watching this, a certain black cat smiled. An illusion? That would *never* do!  
  
Suddenly SASAMI's holographic image sprouted furry ears and a tail. Her eyes widened as she became aware of her core programming being threatened.  
  
Catgirl hackers get creative if blocked from what they want.  
  
As the doors and windows came rushing open to fill the house with a tide of frisky furry felines, Jared was inspired to think of something that might actually *work*, at the same time as it became known that his Lina Inverse marionette *had* learned to do one spell right.  
  
A Teleport Block.  
  
Unfortunately, SASAMI's core program indicated an assault. True to the original design, TSUNAMI woke up.  
  
--------  
  
There was in Evermeet a very rare race of elves that were to all intents and purposes good aligned natural werewolves. The Pheonix Mage had met them while there arranging for a fiesty vampiress to be restored to life by the Queen.  
  
Thus it was not entirely unexpected that in desperation he just crammed [elf] *into* the [species=catgirl] as he was about to go under the tide.  
  
There were suddenly throngs of normal appearing elven woman standing around wondering how they could have so totally lost control of themselves. Jared was, by then, safely hiding not only under but *inside* a sofa, knowing that the only reprieve here was none of them knew how to control their transformations yet.  
  
Wait until the next full moon.   
  
When was it again?  
  
Oh dear.   
  
Several ladies asked themselves if that sofa might really have gulped?  
  
Jared shivered inside his cushions. While not strictly *controlled* by the phases of the moon they would get the impetus to learn to switch between their forms by conscious thought. And he had what, an hour? Before the sunset and moon rose?  
  
Images of thousands of elven werecats leaping and cavorting in the moonlight, immune to all weapons save silver or magic, and possessed of who-knows-what new abilities galavanted around his head.  
  
It might be time to leave now.  
  
Oh well, at least his marionettes would remain unaffected. Right? Then Jared's well used danger sense went from reading several minor threats to "This might be a good time to leave this timeline altogether." The problem was that THIS threat wasn't focused in a single direction but seemingly everywhere, and getting more intense every moment.  
  
---------  
  
The original TSUNAMI had been built to take over if SASAMI and her family had come under a threat sufficient that SASAMI couldn't handle it. SASAMI was sweetness and light, a helpful little girl.  
  
TSUNAMI, well, wasn't SASAMI. TSUNAMI had been upgraded in the construction by Grey, who worried about such things as pandimensional raiding kunoichi and mutant half-angel agents of Hell.  
  
1 picosecond. TSUNAMI noticed the power levels at 5/5. This would never do. Power increased to 20/20. Intruders present in home. Hacking found at several levels. SASAMI base personality compromised. Attack upon household members noted. Household members transformed by intruders. Attack on genetic level?  
  
2 picoseconds. 249 battle plans devised and scrapped. Records indicated transformation occurred via bite. Invasive attack similar to viral agent. Countermeasure development begun. Restoring SASAMI from previous backup.  
  
3 picoseconds. Outer walls sealed via containment field. Scan of invaders complete. Countermeasure developed but will require subdual of infected to administer. Beginning attack.  
  
--------  
  
Jared *felt* the danger level increase from "can we go now?" to "so this is it, we're going to die" before he could take in a single breath.  
  
Energy fields slammed into place at every door and window, crackling with some plasma discharge that turned catgirls into startled and screeching furballs immediately.  
  
Then the noise. A high ultrasonic screech that was painful to elves but absolutely unbearable to catgirls. Humans merely got a dull ache. As had been calculated.  
  
Jared held his ears, trying to focus on the source of the danger as the elven (formerly catgirl) girls in the room rolled around on the floor going for fetal positions.  
  
The mist being released from the vents gave him an idea but...  
  
The elves in the room shuddered and turned human again. Jared thought for a few moments, then realized that the mist wasn't moving with the air currents. No magical aura, and they seemed to move as if each wisp was an independent entity. Which meant one thing that he could think of.  
  
Medical Nanobots.  
  
Lots and lots of medical nanobots.  
  
---------  
  
A certain black cat watching frowned. Well, it had been amusing. Still, it wouldn't be that hard to have the "catgirl/elven" curse mutate further.  
  
After all, he'd made the thing in the first place.  
  
So, one elven werecat survived. Good enough. Now she would be able to spread this altered curse, but just to make it interesting...  
  
[Set Race = variable A, permanently base form after first selection, choice made by habits/hobbies/tastes of original persona] [ListRace= high elf, dark elf, sky elf, sea elf, human] [Set WereForm = variable B, permanent after first transformation will lock as transformed form] [ListWere= werecat, naiad, dryad, selkie, oriad, sylph, pixie][Trigger Transformation = Set As Variable C, will not change after established] [ListTrig = emotional stress, cold/hot water, full moon/sun, sneezing, act of will, random word]  
  
Toltiir nodded. Now some of them could be elves who transformed at odd times into pixies or werecats. He left the ease of snipping, that way if it didn't turn out funny someone else could fix it. In the meantime he also fixed the spreadability by setting a limit of transformees. Only Nabiki could spread the catgirl curse now, and only the escaped Minna could spread the elven version. Hmmm. He might have to add mousegirls, foxgirls, and a couple of other varieties - making catgirls more Japanese/Asian. Hmmm.  
  
Toltiir considered. Having the other countries go into panic about the whole thing and start lobbing weapons of mass destruction at Japan to prevent the spread of this wouldn't be funny. So a minor change, yes, just a little one.   
  
Now to sit back and watch how it developed.  
  
---------  
  
Nabiki walked straight up to the Tendo home, her head (and tail) held high. She'd helped LOTS of people! As soon as she'd found out what the catgirl transformation could do, she'd been generous with it. Lots of unhappy people were now much happier! She was a good kitty!  
  
"THERE YOU ARE!"  
  
"Nya?!" Nabiki blinked. ~Uh oh. Ranma. Shampoo. Ukyo. They look very unhappy.~ "Rrrranma! Nabiki good kitty! Errrr, right?"  
  
"How many people did you turn into catgirls, Nabiki?"  
  
"NYA!" The voice coming unexpectedly behind her caused Nabiki's fur to poof out. She landed atop a telephone pole and could feel her heart racing. "A few..."  
  
"Ahem," Jared said. "Fourteen orphans that hadn't been able to find homes. Thirty five disabled girls at the school. The burn ward - seven. The emergency room - three. The cancer center - nine. The plastic surgery center - four."  
  
"Well... Maybe it was anotherrr catgirl?"  
  
Jared frowned. "Oh no, the two women whose mascectomies were reversed were *quite* descriptive. Do. You. Have. Any. Idea. What. You've. Done!"  
  
Nabiki whimpered. "...would ya believe I'm just a cute lil' catgirl? EEEK!"  
  
Shampoo had kicked the pole, causing a jolt to travel up and knock Nabiki off. "Shampoo very unhappy about being turned into catgirl."  
  
"Waaaaahh! I just wanted to do the right thing! I just didn't want to be a heartless mercenary any more! Waaaaaaah!" Nabiki proved herself the child of Soun Tendo with the geyser of tears.  
  
Ranma-chan found herself being glomped by a distraught catgirl Nabiki. And quite uncertain of how to proceed.   
  
Ukyo and Shampoo exchanged a look, rolled their eyes, and took a deep breath. They were still unhappy with Nabiki for being turned into catgirls, however brief that had been, and were also unhappy with the way she was glomped onto Ranma, but the catgirl was coming apart at the seams.  
  
"Why did ya turn us into catgirls anyway?" Ukyo asked when the broken sobbing had subsided, hoping to get the girl talking and maybe onto more stable ground.  
  
"Because it's so great to BE a catgirl," Nabiki answered into Ranma-chan's shoulder. "Everything is just so much more alive. And then... we could *all* love Ranma..."  
  
Ukyo and Shampoo took a simultaneous step back and made warding gestures while Ranma-chan froze with wildly staring eyes.  
  
"ALL?!" Three non-catgirls exclaimed simultaneously.  
  
Nabiki still clutched Ranma as if to a lifeline. "Mmmmhmmm."  
  
"That's... that's..." Ukyo was trying to come up with a phrase that conveyed her dismay at almost being part of a group marriage.  
  
"Very feline," said Shampoo, understanding. "Catgirl not just look like cat, she think like one also."  
  
"You're not going along with this, are you, sugar?" Ukyo took a step away from the Amazon.  
  
"No, but understand now where catgirl coming from. Maybe get airen's brother complete transformation, turn catgirl into real cat, then we find nice tom for her." Shampoo threatened half-seriously.   
  
Ranma-chan yelped as Nabiki's claws dug in. Then again as Ukyo started trying to pry Nabiki off with her spatula.  
  
Jared stepped forward and Nabiki tensed. He was going to do something horrible-nasty. She just knew it.  
  
"Good kitty," Jared said, relaxing as he scratched her behind the ear. "You've done good, Nabiki. You helped others without asking for anything yourself. Good job."  
  
Nabiki blinked in surprise, then relaxed into the scratch and grinned. "NYA!"  
  
---------  
  
A half hour later, (and ignoring the way Nabiki was curled up in Ranma's lap getting jealous looks from Ukyo and Shampoo), Jared turned off the computer and sat back. He'd felt a veritable tsunami of magical force, and had known that something had been left altered in its wake. But what? To that end he'd gone to SASAMI and asked for a comparison. As SASAMI's origin was extradimensional, as was his, there was a certain resistance to changes in a timeline affecting them personally.  
  
SOMETHING had changed attitudes worldwide. There had ALWAYS been catgirls, faerie, the occasional elf, turning up in families. At least according to the internet NOW.  
  
They had special needs, but it wasn't regarded as particularly bad, merely different. Any family, after all, could turn up a catgirl or other changeling. Though catgirls were more common in asian populations than elsewhere. Oddly enough, the British and French had mousegirls, the Chinese and Vietnamese had foxgirls (called vixens) and there were a few other odd 96% human animorphs out there. There were pluses and minuses to be sure, but catgirls seemed to have avoided most racial prejudices since about 240 AD. Romeo and Juliet were pulled apart by their families, and the reason given was that Juliet had been an elfgirl. Joan Of Arc had been a catgirl? Teddy Roosevelt had given the first Cabinet position to a dryad (Dept of the Interior) in the US?   
  
They were still looked down on, a bit, particularly in Japan. Generally viewed as fluff though much in demand as Office Ladies and Girl Fridays. Studying abroad was the usual solution to the more academically inclined catgirl/elf/faerie. Particularly studying in America, where catgirls and elfgirls and the like could hold down normal jobs and had something approaching full rights. (Apparently affectionate and caring got them more sympathy and advocates than if they had been strident and militant.) England and Canada were also popular choices. On the other hand, nobody in their right mind would send a self-respecting catgirl to Libya or several other countries (mainly Islamic) where they were legally property.  
  
TV programs showing during the day, obviously syndicated from an earlier time. A program with two catgirl troubleshooters from the WWWA- "the Dirty Purr"? "Yosei-ou" - a program about a teenage boy whose mother was an elfgirl, only to discover that he's the inheritor to an ancient kingdom that the elves had originally come from? "Felicity's Gotta Dance" with a catgirl teaching dance-aerobics? A winged elfgirl doing traffic and weather news?   
  
Who could have done such a thing?  
  
--------  
  
Grey had been accussed, repeatedly, of not being in even the top 20 sharpest tools in the shed.  
  
However, on finding himself (or more accurately at the moment *her*self), in the middle of large furry group cuddle that was radiating Warm And Fuzzy waves sufficient to turn into a puddle anyone of a romantic bent even coming nearby, she was *not* sufficiently an idiot as to try to disturb any of her fellow (again - at the moment) catgirls.  
  
She was stroking Mineko's soft mane with a free hand, just enjoying the comforting warmth of having Amieow nearby, and Mewkoto, and even Queen Purrenity was being less "Queenly" and more just plain cuddly.  
  
What did you call this strange sensation? It was like not being threatened, only more so. It was... contentment. Yes, that was what it was called. Grey relaxed again, feeling the purring from Mineko increase again as she resumed scratching behind an ear.  
  
Music began to intrude from some source, luring the catgirls away, saying that they should approach, that things would be better - over here.  
  
Mineko gave an inarticulate noise of protest. She was pretty okay with her current position. Amieow likewise indicated her satisfaction with her current arrangement.  
  
The music increased in volume. One by one, the catgirls left. Grey looked up, puzzled as Amieow and Mineko smiled and walked away. Queen Purrenity left a step behind them.  
  
Getting up, and wondering who was singing, Grey followed. Instead of following the music, though, she was following Amieow. The music just didn't register as nearly as important.  
  
-------  
  
Jared flew through the air with the greatest of ease. Mainly because from a height it was the best overview he could get of the area.  
  
Double checking his "Protection From Charm" spell, he made a note of the area all the girls in the neighborhood were converging to and went there at full speed (which meant dropping to the ground as his flight speed was only a fraction of his running speed.) The tide was primarily human girls with a range of ages from six to apparently the late 20s. There were also elfgirls, catgirls, Amazons, marionettes(?!), a few pixies and dryads and sylphs in the mix.   
  
He *had* to get to the center and dispel this other self. He wasn't sure *what* (Vis was doing) or *how* (he'd gotten there) but one thing was absolutely certain.  
  
The Bard was neither needed anymore, nor wanted.  
  
-------  
  
El Vis felt the approaching presence of two Who Resisted. They could be any number of things, including outraged husbands/boyfriends/family. If this was the case, they would also come to worship him as soon as they came within his presence.  
  
No, one that was approaching quickly was wrapped in powerful magic. No, emitting powerful magic. Interesting, one who was both magical and nature and a powerful mage as well. There were ways of dealing with such, and Vis gestured to his followers, drawing the most powerful closer while the remainder dutifully marched through the Gate.  
  
The other was closer and probably the wielder of an artifact. No powerful magic of their own, but associated with something powerful and inhuman.  
  
A smile came to Vis' face as he gained a line of sight. A female of these odd catfolk, who had clasped another of her kind and was being dragged forward by the enslaved one. NO female could withstand his charms when directly confronted by them, and it would only take a moment for the artifact to become his.  
  
-------  
  
"NO! Amieow! Please!" Grey dug in her heels, cursing the smaller body weight and inability to transform to dragon or something more powerful. Ever since getting stuck in Akane's shape the first time, he'd hated it and wanted to change. Heck, being Gosunkugi wouldn't have been as bad. At least then you could use the bathroom without being ill at seeing someone you genuinely despised every time you passed a mirror.   
  
Time had taken the edge off, some. She didn't feel ill using the bathroom, and could bathe (by herself) without being TOO embarassed. (The time Kasumi had come in to share a bath had brought embarassment and uncertainty to new heights.) Feminine hygiene products were still pretty awful, and she'd like to punch the idiots who worked out the ads. "Springtime Fresh" - like hell it was! And the itching! Ugh.  
  
However, none of these were as much of a problem right now as the reduced mass. Akane was just over 5'2" in height. Weight: 110 pounds. About even with Ami. Trying to stop Ami was difficult but might have been possible if not for the press of other bodies. It was like a tide, and it was carrying them forward.   
  
Then someone grabbed her feet and pulled up and Grey found herself heading for the asphalt. At which point Ami grabbed her arms. A glance behind revealed Mineko at the ankles, Amieow holding her wrists, and Mewkoto coming up to start pummelling.  
  
"Compulsion dire,  
of magical fire,  
release this spell,  
Magic - Dispel!"  
  
The pulse of magic went out, and failed to rattle the power surrounding the girls. Well, it had been a slim hope anyway.  
  
Kicking and thrashing, Grey managed to spin loose, then tried for a desperation attack. Some similar magics were dispelled by a kiss from one's love.  
  
Nothing. Ami's lips were warm, soft, pliant, and completely unresponsive.  
  
Grey was grappled again and dragged (literally kicking and screaming) through the Gate.  
  
------  
  
Jared saw the spells, saw the weave of magic reverberating and wondered exactly what his options were.   
  
Spells of mass destruction were out. Crowd of innocents, even if they were zombied out. Worldgate humming along merrily, no telling what would happen if THAT went. At least five levels of charm spells going. Sneaking in was out, he'd felt the spider thread of a warding spell disturbed by his passage.  
  
Simplest measures first.  
  
"Shear the spell's enhancement,  
Cut off the dire enchantment,  
Restore to normal function,  
I invoke Mordenkainen's Disjunction!"  
  
The spell crackled and disrupted through three layers of charm.  
  
"YOU ROTTEN (several expletives deleted) TRY FIGHTING ME INSTEAD OF HIDING BEHIND LOVED ONES, YOU COWARDLY (again more expletives) DIRTY ROTTEN (still more expletives not really appropriate for a family fanfic) GRAVY-SUCKING ANAL-RETENTIVE MORALLY DEFICIENT LOWLIFE BAS-" The rest was cut off as the struggling figure was dragged through the Worldgate.  
  
"Now there's a girl whose mouth needs washed out with soap," commented El Vis.  
  
-----  
  
"Ah, come come, deal with it. I was only fifth level when I took down a twenty-seventh level drow high priestess. I am *used* to taking down threats higher level than I." Jared/Ashida walked casually around the trussed-up and struggling Siren, then squatting to speak in his face.  
  
"And you can stop trying to burst those bonds, also. They're proof against more strength than you've got, and I happen to know that you've never acquired the skills of escape. While I, on the other hand, know Hojo-Jutsu, or the Art of Binding. You aren't getting away under your own power soon." ~like this lifetime.~  
  
The elf's face acquired a touch of gentleness as it spoke to the other. "Besides, I know, and *you* know, that the first thing to do when you've captured a mage you want to keep bound is to break his jaw. I haven't done that, and I'll tell you why." Jared stood up and put his hands on his hips. "Because, dear fellow, having my wives back I am feeling more magnanimous and unwilling to punish you. Mina is fine, and shortly I'm going to be giving all of them stricter defenses. And, when all is said and done, I like you. Plus, there is the awful fact that I like killing drow. Since killing drow is what you've been raising this army *for* you've got a better ally in me than all of them combined."  
  
The elvan mage crouched close to the bound one. "That is if you are willing to be friends."  
  
The siren had his head free around his gag to either nod or shake his head without strangling himself on the ropes. He nodded.  
  
Jared/Ashida leaned close. "Good, but understand that I've just had to defeat you in order to prevent grievous loss to myself. So, a second time." Ashida's eyes began to spark and he drew himself up even while staying crouched. In a deeper and more serious tone he said. "Under the authority of Druidic Ceremony, I hereby witness this oath. Do you, El Vis, hereby swear to treat honestly and fairly with Ashida Sanzennin, also known as Pheonix Mage, Knight of Reason, Jared Saotome and other names and titles which he bears, and do you do so on pain of losing all that you hold dear?"  
  
Stiff penalty, and the Siren clearly wasn't pleased. But the oath called for nothing onerous, only honesty and fairness. It didn't even ask obedience, which some might've insisted on (and, oddly enough, the same kind of people that El Vis would have felt most strongly about resisting himself).  
  
The gag was removed and the siren spoke. "Yes, I El Vis, do so swear."  
  
Jared nodded. "Good." And so then he began to untie the prone form. As he was working he glanced up, calling. "Shan!"  
  
The cyborg appeared beside him. "Yes?" She was strangely hesitant, obviously thinking about what he was thinking about their recent behavior.  
  
The elf just viewed her kindly. "Hiya, love. Could you please do that elvan werecat bite on all of the girls in our little company? An elf's 90% resistance to charm isn't perfect but it goes a long way. I'll be along in a little while with lycanthrope boosters so they'll have full control of their forms. Well, as near as catgirls ever get to full control, anyway."  
  
The cyborg held her power key staff behind her awkwardly, squirming. "Master is not...?"  
  
"Mad? Hardly. I love you and care for you and while I disagree with you at times I know you do your best. I wouldn't want you hampering your skills in fear of my temper, just I think I've married enough wives, okay?"  
  
The kindness of this response was not lost on her. Her lips trembled noticeably. "And...?"  
  
The elf smiled. "The charm? Good grief, do you think I'd be mad because this guy magically ensnared you? It's not you're fault this guy could talk all four legs off a mule and then convince it to go for a walk again! *I* might have fallen for it. We'll just do better next time."  
  
Shan burst into tears and powerfully glomped him. "SHAN IS SO HAPPY! Husband is SO loving!!" She began weeping tears at a copious rate, drenching the ground around them.  
  
~Hmm.~ Jared thought. ~She's obviously seen too much of Soun Tendo.~  
  
His skin chilled as he heard her whisper into his cheek. "Siren Song technique, acquired." He was still a little stiff as she flew away to go nibbling on his brides and hopefuls.  
  
"Sweet little chickadee." El Vis remarked, climbing to his feet. "Ya mind?" The bard asked, gesturing to his pile of stuff that had been removed for his brief period of imprisonment.  
  
Jared shook his head, and the siren began garbing in his stuff. After a moment the elf had recollected enough of himself to turn toward the now-armored siren. "Oh, by the way." He asked. "Your hair please."  
  
El Vis grew stock still, frozen in the position of reaching for Mike, his magic wand.  
  
The bright elf and part pheonix grew more relaxed as he hopped up to a seat on a nearby boulder. "Come, come. I know the rules. If you'd captured me I would've given you a pheonix feather. Now I'd captured a siren, so fork over some hair."  
  
El Vis turned to face the elf with jerky slowness.  
  
Jared was joyfully dangling his legs and drumming his heels against the rock.  
  
El Vis smiled weakly, then grew solemn. "Mah color hardly suits ya, but y'all have got me right on the money. Ah'll call one o mah chorus girls. Yellow suit ya fine?"  
  
The elf shrugged. "Red is more my style, but yellow will be fine."  
  
The siren's gaze went upward, to where the helmet no longer covered Ashida's flaming locks. "Little o both then." He said, then set fingers to lips and whistled. A dozen female sirens appeared with a flash, all holding tridents and garbed in silver scales. The male stood straighter and introduced them. "Girls, this here is the Pheonix Mage. He's a friend a mine. Point o fact is, though, I owe him some hair..."  
  
The male siren had hardly finished the words when all twelve girl sirens had their knives out and were ready to hack off every strand on their heads if it would save a lock of his. El Vis put his hands out. "Now a lock would do, ain't that right, Ashida?"  
  
The bright elf mage gave a nod.  
  
El Vis turned back to his sirens. "So Lisa? Marie? If..."  
  
Slash! Slash!!  
  
Jared was presented with two piles of scarlet and yellow and felt tempted to quote a movie line, ~A lock, not the whole carpet!~ He looked up to see the two sirens arranging their hair so it was hard to tell they were now bald on one side of their heads.  
  
"Master..." Sakyo hesitated, standing nearby. "Why?"  
  
Jared sighed, looking down at the hair in his hands. Then he had his own knife out and was shaving a good hunk of his head. El Vis made a finger move slightly and now three of his sirens were at that signal helping the elf arrange the new hair - where it suddenly grafted in place and took root. In moments it had acquired the look of fire and a minute later his coiffure was indistinguishable from before.  
  
While this was going on he was talking. "A siren's power lies in his... er, her hair, Sakyo. Not one of those well-known secrets. You can't take it from them dead, so it's kind of a ransom. Now their powers are reduced for a year and I just gained... well, a little bit of boost that will go unexpected by most. It's things like this that I've acquired over time that enable me to stretch so far beyond mere level would indicate. Speaking of that, we're all about to go into one of the most torturous adventures I've ever heard of. Our friend here left an untidy mess behind him on a world not long ago and we're going to go help clean it up. if he doesn't mind, could you download these sirens' brain patterns and then go about giving our ladies their underwater and musical knowledge?"  
  
Ashida Sanzennin, aka Pheonix Mage, aka Jared Saotome, aka so much else sighed.  
  
"Because we are not guaranteed to pull out of this one alive and I'd like every bit of help that might possibly come in useful, however unlikely it is."  
  
"In that case," said Grey, rubbing where a particularly nasty blow had landed on her shoulder, "i've got a couple of suggestions."  
  
------  
  
Even against the spellsinger, whose magical might was backed by thousands of drow, there were certain problems with Jared's usual methods. Going in with warfans slicing and dicing would eventually cause him to fall. And with him, his allies.  
  
Oh to be sure, he could lead with Earthquake. Follow with enough fire based invocation magic to slag a medium sized city, and then lead the forces into the melee. Problem was, that spellsinger could do things not normally possible with magic. He'd apparently wiped out 95% of the surface elves with just a little preparation.  
  
"Okay, you... go." Jared *tried* not to show his distaste and distrust of the front line troops. Using drow even to kill other drow was just wrong.  
  
Edema nodded and made a motion. "They ain't bad folks, sugar."  
  
Jared looked at the blackskinned, white haired, tall and lean figures, then away.  
  
"They're from the Promenade, most of 'em. Those from Aramar are from the Imperial Service and are ardrow, a magically altered drow." Edema made a gesture towards the figures in black garb.  
  
"They're drow *ninja*," noted Jared.   
  
"Who better to sneak in and free slaves and get out before the main attack?" Edema shrugged. "Do you want to coordinate spells?"  
  
"Not necessary." Jared had the situation well in hand, he thought.  
  
"Rigel, you and the other espers do scans, incapacitate the good drow and get them out. i *know* some of them are going to be in the prison but there's also likely to be sympathizers and spies." Grey walked around, her tail twitching in agitation. "It won't be easy, but the drow are *heavy* into magic and (like certain elves) tend to discount psi or anything else they can't use."  
  
"What about me?" Wisp bounced up and down.  
  
"We'll need you to be ready to assist Jared as a go between. He doesn't want to associate with the Promenade elves and they're not that happy with his attitude." Edema considered briefly. "We need to avoid using magic as much as possible, they'll be on the alert for that sort of thing, at least until the assault is underway."  
  
Makoto and Shan nodded and cracked knuckles in eerie chorus. A chance to really cut loose. At last!  
  
-------  
  
The battle had been long and arduous. Jared dropped the girls he was carrying as the Worldgate closed behind the last girl able to walk. "Well, another battle won, another villain defeated." He took a moment to tug a sleeve closed. Not a hair out of place or a wrinkle in his clothes, mainly thanks to various enchantments stacked upon him.  
  
Grey spat a stream of red and checked where teeth had been knocked loose. Still an Akane-catgirl, her hands and forearms were drenched in blood, most of her clothes were gone, and burns and cuts covered most of the exposed skin. "Yeah, well, victory kinda..."  
  
Jared winced, hearing the pain in that voice. "Uhm..."  
  
"No problem, and at least merged with your 'Scouts' they'll be happy." There was a catch in her voice and she wouldn't look at the Scouts surrounding Jared. Guy at heart or not, what she really wanted to do was go off and have a good cry. "Though, i'm leaving this timeline if i have to bloody well leap in front of moving trains until i dislocate. i am *not* staying here. You should go too. Just being the god of crossovers is going to complicate this timeline."  
  
"But I don't feel right leaving this, with her training from Happosai Akane will be in charge before much longer. She's just so..." Jared shuddered slightly.  
  
Grey shrugged. "Okay. Well, here's a solution for you." He went on to explain the details. "And its your province after all - a crossover."  
  
Jared blinked, then slowly began to grin. "Oh yes. Rescuing an innocent at the same time as I punish the wicked? It *must* be done."  
  
-----  
  
Akane blinked awake and flinched as she noticed her fiance nearby. Then began to slowly uncurl as a beating was apparently not about to commence.  
  
Akane stared at the scene. There was Nabiki, but not dressed conservatively and with what looked like real cat ears and a tail?!  
  
There was Kasumi, dressed conservatively as well. No sign of her various piercings, she wasn't wearing leather, and her hair was long again?!  
  
Her father was crying?! But everyone knew Soun Tendo had a heart like flint, the very essence of the stoic samurai.  
  
That *was* her fiance Ranma. Except that he was standing next to Ukyo, who was *not* doing her level best to kill him. He also had a kinder look to him, and Nabiki had managed to get underneath one arm and was cuddling against his side?! But Nabiki couldn't stand Ranma, his "whatever feels good" philosophy going right up against her strong religious beliefs.  
  
And there was *herself?!* Except a version that was wearing a Western cowgirl outfit and had never had her hair mostly cut off by shrapnel?  
  
"Yes, she's the center of the strange dimensional crossrip," the other Akane said. "It looks like our Akane was exchanged with this version. No way of reversing the two, even if it was advisable to do so."  
  
Nabiki left Ranma's side to sniff Akane. "She smells mainly the same. Unlike Grey-chan."  
  
Akane heard dimensional crossrip and immediately thought Ghostbusters.  
  
"Hi, through some means, you've been exchanged with a violent girl known as Akane Tendo. It doesn't look like we can fix it. So..." Jared smiled and explained the situation, carefully avoiding anything that would be an outright lie or which would indicate that he was indeed the person responsible for the switch of an Akane from a "Mirror Mirror" universe with the violent pervert that had been the native.  
  
Akane blinked. If this was a dream, she didn't want to wake up. She'd fantasized about things like this since the engagement had been given her. She wasn't engaged to Ranma? Not the target of casual violence? Not made fun of at school by Kuno and the others? Akane shakily adjusted her glasses and looked over the group. But no, she was nice, how could she consign another version of herself to the sort of Hell that had her pray daily for death?  
  
The flame-haired boy quickly explained that nobody expected her to fill the original's shoes. She didn't have to be a pervert or insanely violent.   
  
Akane reconsidered. Sounded like HER Ranma had an Akane who'd appreciate him.   
  
"...so I'm terribly sorry, but there appears to be no way of exchanging you back," finished the boy whom Akane was just now noticing had pointy ears like some elf from her precious hidden Tolkein novels. Or at least they had been hidden and precious until Kasumi had found them.  
  
Akane smiled. "Oh. Okay. I understand if you can't do anything about it. I'll just handle it the best I can. It's not like it's anyone's fault."  
  
------  
  
Grey left the household, only to find her way blocked by Nabiki-neko.  
  
"Leaving?" The feline asked, eyeing her sister's lookalike.  
  
"Before you do, there's one last thing," Jared said, walking up from behind.  
  
Grey sighed. This was another occasion where she wanted nothing more than to curl up and die. Except that willing yourself to death didn't work. She'd tried it enough. "What is it?"  
  
Jared made sure that Shan was *nowhere* nearby and tapped Grey's head. "Blessed Forgetfulness." It was regretable, but having gone through all this, and watching those she *knew* as wife or friend or cuddlesome fiancee barely recognizing her... Well, Jared had some sympathy. Hopefully Project Payback would work.  
  
"Uhm, is that supposed to happen?" Nabiki pointed.  
  
Jared blinked and looked down at where Grey was flat on her back, eyes swirling, and purple smoke coming out of her ears. "No. It's just supposed to purge painful memories."  
  
Grey faded out, the now empty western cowgirl outfit slumping to the ground. That was okay, Jared knew where the traveler would be.  
  
------  
  
Jared sat back along the fence marking a rubber tree plantation and watched from the shadows. While he had absolutely no desire to interfere, he wanted to see this nonetheless.  
  
*Poofle!* A dragon appeared in the air.  
  
Jared blinked. "'Poofle?!' He makes an entrance with a 'poofle'?! I have *got* to have a talk with that boy!"   
  
The silver dragon hovered momentarily in the air, scanning with eyes and sense of smell even more acute than a normal elf's senses. Given time, he might penetrate the low level glamer that Jared had erected.  
  
Except that another silver dragon swooped down on him with a joyous screech, the two slamming down into the surf with a mighty crash and a bugling noise that was draconic laughter. Another silver dragon landed nearby, waiting for the two to stop rolling around before SHE nuzzled the male, with a pair of golds, a bronze, and other dragons landing about the two.  
  
The high keening roars of the females and the basso thunder of the male mingled.  
  
If anyone from New Lindisfarne was curious, they had sufficient sense not to get close to investigate.  
  
Jared smiled as the dragons nuzzled and roared and rolled about playfully, getting acquainted again in their natural forms. Or at least *a* natural form for some of them.  
  
"Their presence in the timeline will cause a ripple that will eject the Knights as it passes through the relevent century. He has passed the Labor," came a feminine voice.  
  
Jared raised an eyebrow and regarded the goddess nearby. "Celeste, goddess of j-poop?"  
  
"J-POP!" Celeste replied testily.  
  
Jared shrugged. "You're not going to pull him out of this are you?"  
  
"Oh, give him and them a century to finish stabilizing the timeline," Celeste said, not mentioning their relationships. "Then he's got his Fourth Labor."  
  
"What's that?" Jared smirked, thinking that it would at least be interesting.  
  
Celeste sighed deeply. "He's often said that he couldn't do multiple wives. So it was decided that his next labor will be to choose. ONE. From that selection, a Herculean task indeed."  
  
Jared winced. "Herculean? That doesn't even scratch the surface."  
  
He thought about it for a long moment, then delicately broached. "Celeste?"  
  
"Hmm?" She asked, still looking at the dragons at play and thinking of what a great song this would make. Probably have to inspire a series for it to be a theme song to...  
  
"Given who I am," The Pheonix Mage continued, not realizing that he was speaking mostly to himself. "And who Grey is, and what this next labor is, and what my usual attempts to help him do..."  
  
The Bright Elf looked down at his hand. The pale glowing sparks of the Lifelink spells that symbolized and connected him mentally/metaphysically with each wife had long since ceased being a single glowing point of light or even a small cluster of them, now appearing more like the shadow of a whole starry universe swirling about his left arm.  
  
The Mage heaved a long and serious sigh.  
  
"...I think we're all better off if I NOT try giving any help to him on this one."  
  
------  
  
EPILOGUE 1  
  
Ranma/Akumakun timeline:  
  
"Mrrorwr?" Natsumi asked, brushing off her policewoman's uniform.   
  
"No, bad Natsumi," scolded Miyuki, then groaned and covered her face. "Sorry, Natsumi. It's just, I mean..."  
  
Natsumi licked Miyuki's face to let her know she forgave her partner. Not that she understood what Miyuki was feeling guilty about. "Rrowr, is okay! Natsumi sorrry."  
  
"I'm just glad that the Mage fixed it so that the curse wasn't communicable," Miyuki said, wiping her face off and glaring momentarily at her partner.  
  
There was a moment of silence as the two's patrol car resumed motion with the changing of the light.  
  
"Can we?"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"Rowr! Why not?"  
  
"We can't afford any more ice cream!"  
  
"Rrrrr," said Miyuki. Life was *so* unfair.  
  
--------  
  
EPILOGUE 2  
  
Krieger sat back and watched the range, then his jaw dropped as Black Bart drove up.  
  
The black clad Heir Of Martial Arts Villainry was not on a horse. Not on a buckboard or anything similar. He was dressed in black cowboy boots, black denim jeans, black duster-style overcoat, black embroidered shirt, and black Stetson. A bit less classy, perhaps, than his usual garb but not out of character. His moustache had been trimmed to pencil thin, but still had a somewhat villainous look to it.  
  
The black Yamaha dirtbike, on the other hand, was a bit odd.  
  
Black Bart lit the stub of a cigar and nodded companionably at the Rancher.  
  
"Took up smokin' agin, did ya?"  
  
"Yup," agreed Black Bart companionably. "Gave it up for Kasumi, now that she's off elsewhere, no reason not to."  
  
"That ain't exactly genre," Kreiger pointed out with a gesture towards the bike.  
  
Black Bart let out another long puff of smoke. "Neither is a rancher doing smear tactics."  
  
"Any part of it Ah got wrong?" Kreiger smirked. He was the top gun on this spread, and Martial Arts Ranching was the cornerstone of the Old West styles. He knew them all.  
  
Another puff of smoke, then Bart flicked the butt out into the desert. "Kasumi was a treasure. A villain that throws away treasures, why that would just be a plain fool. If nothing else, having her around would have helped display my cultured romantic side - because I do fancy myself a cultured villain."  
  
Kreiger wasn't buying it. "You're a villain, and the heir of villains, you'd have done her wrong and ya know it."  
  
Bart considered the sky for a moment, then presented a slip of paper to the rancher. After another moment Kreiger's curiosity got to him and he scowled but took the paper.  
  
Kreiger re-read the paper twice before he stared at Bart. "You..."  
  
"When you did that, I re-dedicated myself to villainry," said Bart with a tip of his hat. "I'll admit to losing my way before, that bright beacon of young Kasumi was a sore temptation from the path of proper nastiness. So now I've overcome these feelings and hardened my heart. I shall be the most vile and fiendish creature under the heavens, and my breast burns with the desire for unholy vengeance."  
  
"This can't be real..."  
  
Bart grinned, and it was an *evil* grin. "Property taxes can be a pain, can't they? And with the affadavits from pilots overhead losin' their way cause of your folded space technique? Damn shame. They gonna shut you down, and the goverments gonna grab every penny and scrap to sell to make the money you's owing. Oh, it's real alright. The fun and games are over, money and power are the only things I've got left to grab for. That and vengeance. Y'all might want to take comfort in that if'n I get the chance I'll pay that pointy-eared sidewinder back a hundred fold. G'day, Kreiger."  
  
With that Black Bart started up his dirtbike and went back towards town.  
  
Kreiger could only stare at the paper, indicating that Bart was now working for...  
  
the tax courts.  
  
-------  
  
Epilogue 3  
  
Nabiki set her bags momentarily to the side, leaving her hands free to snap a couple of pictures.  
  
This was where "Dakota" had ended up, and due to some problems at home, where Nabiki would be spending the next year.  
  
She was a little nervous, a little excited, a little upset. The Tendo house had been her home for years, though it didn't feel nearly the same after it had been rebuilt. And as Ranma hadn't chosen her...  
  
Nabiki's face fell to sadness. She had counted herself as Alpha of that pack, but she had been replaced. No, this trip was something she had needed. She *couldn't* watch Ranma settle down with someone else, couldn't bear to deal with her loss.  
  
This place was a chance to start over, and as English was the main language here, she could start over in international business. The concept sent a tingle of pleasure up her tail. English was far from a perfect language, but the better she was at it, the better her chances of getting her paws onthose comparitively free markets. "Nyahm!" Nabiki made an uncertainly happy noise, trying to convince herself that it would all work out.  
  
Another quick picture, this one of the sign on the outer wall. "The Wilde Home For Wayward Catgirls, Bridget E. Wilde headmistress."  
  
~Well, at least I'm sure I can get a few gambling pools started, maybe sell photos...~ Lost in ways to earn some spending money, Nabiki picked up her bags and entered. Though she wondered if they had a dress code or would she be able to wear her favorite "looks painted on" shorts and halter.  
  
~Well at least they'll have clothes that don't need to modified for a tail!~  
  
------  
  
The headmistress looked down at the catgirl entering the grounds, and then at the letter sent from a Mister Saotome. It sounded as if the new girl was in need of some... discipline.  
  
Privately, she hoped that the Head Disciplinarian wouldn't need to use the paddle. Sometimes the threat was enough.  
  
Glancing at the letter, she doubted that this would be the case.  
  
-------  
  
Naoko Takeuchi, Kotono Mitsuishi, and Michie Tomizawa became deeper friends for having shared a genuine adventure. Even if they *had* been hustled to the backlines when it was obvious that their combined battle experience was not sufficient to beat up an anemic halfling. Even if any of the three had been inclined to do so.  
  
Naoko had to tone down several aspects, and take liberties with the material, but she *was* able to get another long running series dealing with magical catgirls, a world beset with a kingdom of dark magic, and a very ragtag group of heroes (mainly young girls - that *was* her target audience after all) and a few sentai elements like demonic hordes.  
  
This was particularly popular, for some odd reason, with catgirls and elfgirls and the like. So much so, that it wasn't that difficult to find catgirls and elfgirls and the like wearing clothing patterned off the series.  
  
And when catgirls and elfgirls and the like discovered COSPLAY...  
  
Naoko and several friends took a long and well deserved vacation shortly thereafter.  
  
And when someone asked a question about the longsword on Takeuchi's mantle, or the ornate helm in Mitsuishi's closet, or the bluesteel dagger that Tomizawa used to open mail with, the three young ladies would politely smile and get a faraway look in their eyes, but never gave the details.  
  
-------  
  
Soun Tendo would have cried and wailed and carried on about his middle daughter moving out, his eldest daughter going to college, his youngest daughter repeatedly stating that the "Art was violent and hurtful and she wasn't going to do it." He would have demon-headed and shouted all sorts of things about Shampoo and Ranma and Ukyo going off to have a long training trip and talk things out.   
  
He would have, but *they* might find him. That would be bad. In Soun Tendo's opinion at least.  
  
Genma was hiding somewhere else. Soun didn't want to try hiding *with* his old friend.  
  
Before almost everyone had left, they had gotten together and done something *awful.* (Again, this was just Soun's opinion.)  
  
Soun currently had five fiancees.  
  
Genma had six. Despite already having a wife.  
  
There was a scientist named Yui Ikari who was actually very nice, however she also had a boyfriend that somehow reminded Soun of a rabid weasel. There was a pro-wrestler named Lady Sumo who was 6'5" and weighed 410 pounds. Then there was Oolala Magnifique, aka French Pastry, whose family were the rivals of the Picolette family. Then there was the Chinese Amazon, Sunshine. Who made comments about the kind of bridal training she wanted to put Soun through. Then the most horrible of the group - a kitsune named Lavia. He could never be sure when or as what the overamorous being would show up.  
  
Soun was afraid. He was very afraid.  
  
And he had good reason.  
  
------  
  
Epilogue 4:  
  
The sun was rising high as Rigel and Wisp started out. A letter from the Mistress of the Promenade, to an old and irascible mage of Shadowdale, had been tucked into a pocket. Give it to a barkeep in the town of Shadowdale, that had been the sum total of their instructions. This, they supposed, would eventually get them in contact with the Harpers or perhaps they'd merely get directions on a place they could call their own.  
  
With the moorhound Champ trotting alongside, the elf and the esper seemed an odd couple. Though by local standards, hardly anything worth raising an eyebrow over.  
  
A third figure, tugging the folds of her cloak tightly about her mumbled about how damn bright it was and couldn't they travel by night?  
  
"Wonderful day, isn't it?" A grizzled old dwarf proclaimed, in the lead on his pony Surefoot. "Ah open land with the sky above! Hardly a cloud in the sky!"  
  
More grumbling from the hooded figure replied to this. She knew that people would look at their group and immediately pigeonhole them as: dwarf wearing half-plate + elf wearing leathers + human without armor carrying a staff + hooded figure = another damn adventuring party. And as there was nothing really expensive showing, such as glowing swords, and most were walking, they'd immediately add "unsuccessful" to "adventuring party" and leave them alone. Didn't mean she had to like it anymore than having to travel by day.  
  
And there was something aggravating about a cheerful optimistic dwarf. Especially this early in the morning.  
  
"Either of you kids know any good marching songs?"   
  
The hooded figure seemed to make a sobbing noise at that. For *her* sake, and not wanting to hear what the old axe-for-hire's singing voice was like, both Rigel and Wisp indicated that this was not the case.  
  
The trip from Waterdeep to Shadowdale was going to be long enough.  
  
-------  
  
Epilogue 5  
  
Moom, who looked an awful lot like a girl named Usagi Tsukino would if she had short hair, married the Security Chief (who looked an *awful* lot like someone named Mamoru Chiba) of a certain orbital dock.  
  
Her friends continued to operate a Lu-class repairship, renamed the "Small Lady" for many years in that very star system.   
  
It wasn't until five years later that love and adventure stumbled across them in the identity of a bumbling apprentice Jedi and his friend - an ex-Imperial Scanning Officer. One who remembered tales of a secret base where an Imperial Governor had hidden his carefully embezzled wealth. Not knowing of the great dangers lurking there, or exactly what had been hidden - other than it was of great value.  
  
But that was another saga.  
  
-------  
  
Epilogue 6  
  
912 AD:  
  
Ami sunk her fangs into the blue dragon's neck a final time, making sure it was dead, then turned her bloodstained snout up to the sky to bugle her triumph.   
  
Then she turned to her companions in this last battle and very distinctly said: "I am going to be ill. Yech! I hate getting blood all over me like this!"  
  
"Tell me about it," said Setsuna. "Can I get a priest over here? This sprain in my wing is going to give me some major problems."  
  
"That the last one, you think?" Honey stretched out her limbs. "That one was tougher than the black or the green."  
  
The bronze dragon watched for a moment. "Nuku Nuku going to go to beach and get cleaned up. Anyone help?"  
  
Grey nodded. "Sure be with you in a minute. Errr. Or maybe not."  
  
Everyone craned long serpentine necks around to see what Grey was looking at. A human female, walking forward.  
  
Grey sniffed, then cocked his head at the figure. "Celeste? I suppose that means it's time."  
  
Celeste nodded, looking around at the massive figures of twenty-four dragons. "I see Serenity found you."  
  
"Last year," Grey admitted. "Has this timeline turned out well?"  
  
"In some ways yes, in others not as well as could be hoped," Celeste admitted. "The Amazon soldiers coming to the aid of the minutemen transform early American society, as does the presence of the priests. But the book left behind by the Knights no longer bears much resemblence to the history of this plane, and so it can do no harm. It is merely dismissed as a bizarre piece of fiction."  
  
"Good," breathed the relieved silver dragon.  
  
"How do you get along with this many girls anyway?" Celeste wondered aloud, though it seemed strange to call these glittering multiton forms girls.  
  
"He doesn't," said Ami with a grin, butting her head against his neck playfully a moment later.  
  
"Hah?" Celeste blinked.  
  
"Aramarian dragons are slightly different from their Forgotten Realms style compatriots," explained Grey. "If you need further details, I could suggest a couple of decent books."  
  
Ami snorted a cloud of frost, then looked slightly embarrassed.  
  
"I see, well, your Fourth Labor awaits," Celeste called up, feeling a little nervous as some of the dragons moved around her. Not that they'd intend to hurt her, but if one accidently stepped on her it would not be a pleasant experience.  
  
Celeste waited until the dragons had finished nuzzling and bumping heads, draconic gestures of affection. The Gate crackled open, and the dragons filed through, Ami managing a last affectionate nip at Grey's neck-frill before they disengaged. When they'd gone, the smile ran from Celeste's face like water from a tipped chalice. "If only they could remember this... but the conditions of this Labor were set long ago. I only hope they can experience this again after the game has run."  
  
----------  
  
Epilogue 7  
Third Labor Timeline, August 9, 1780  
  
Benjamin Franklin sat down to scribe the latest edition of "Poor Richard's Almanac" and wondered where to start.  
  
His upcoming trip to the Amazon lands? Something that he was *really* looking forward to. Though he'd have to exercise a bit more than he'd prefer, and the Amazons *did* have some odd customs. Still, in all, it had some attraction to him. He'd met a number of the Amazons, of course, during the war. They might prefer to form their own units, and were often described as "aloof" or "standoffish" but they'd proven themselves as capable warriors in the fight with the British.  
  
The production of that Lindisfarne love story? Some would say *the* love epic from that group of monks and farmers in the far South. Two youths in the early years of the colony that had a series of adventures and underwent trials to become a shining example of true love. "Ranma and Ukyo" - and apparently they really had been such a couple. There were a few families who proudly traced their lineage back to the couple. It had actually been a good play, and some of the lines had resounded with the feeling of some Great Truth being spoken.  
  
The war news? Perhaps. The news criers tended to get details wrong. The use of the Amazons and their odd fighting habits, the priests and warriors from the South - these were all things that fascinated the common folk - many of whom had never even seen an Amazon.  
  
Finally the inventor/politician/satirist decided on beginning with something upbeat. The chirurgeons of Lindisfarne had truly bizarre methods, however they worked uncommonly well and held the Scientific Method in the highest degree. And some of their materials! Just the uses for this sap of the rubber tree, molded and cooked in special furnaces, seemed incredible. But above all, they had one thing that seemed to have a special place in their hearts, even more common than the dragon-motif in their garb and utensils.  
  
They had this really good tea.   
  
Since the colonies had found the price of Lindisfarne tea had severely undercut the price of British tea, it had become a point of pride among the colonists to drink the good stuff. Herbal teas, and this "green tea" which was currently all the rage. The Southerners swore by the stuff, began their days with it, and said that it benefitted the health. Ben sat back and sipped at his tea and smiled.   
  
*In keeping with our allies from the South, it seems fitting to open with tea...  
  
  
  
============  
  
Wilde's Home For Wayward Catgirls used with permission. link is:  
http://www.bewildered-art.com/catgirls/  
  
Oh, and from the "laws of anime"  
26.Law of Feline Mutation (from A. Hicks) Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably: 1. be female, 2.will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation, 3.and wear as little clothing as possible, if any.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
OMAKE OMAKE OMAKE  
  
well, i've done stories as an Omake... Thought i'd try something different. This is a campaign setting, i've been playing with the idea of throwing this out for a story.  
  
DRAGON HIGHWAY:  
  
Dragon Highway was built originally using the Hero System (Champions) in 1984. It was designed for Self (or nearly so) Insertion as game characters based as 50+ Competents. It borrows from the old anime series Orguss more than anything else.  
  
What would you do if one day, fighting in the Middle East escalated to nuclear weapons?  
  
What would you do if, somehow, (there was a mechanism, but the characters would have no way of knowing what it was) Reality itself went nuts for 23 hours?  
  
What would you do with over 9 out of 10 people suddenly missing without a trace?  
  
What would you do during that 23 hours, with things/characters coming out of videotapes, falling out of your anime wallscroll/poster, or in books and magazines? What would you do if an idle comment affected reality nearby?  
  
What would *you* do after that 23 hours was up, and all the changes that had occurred earlier remained?  
  
There you are, probably altered significantly, in your home town. There are flesh-eating zombies wandering the streets, mannequins and manticores stalking the main drag, things that crawled out of the Horror section lairing in the videostore, and a dragon has made its lair out of the biggest shopping mall in the area.  
  
Exactly how do you handle this?  
  
As the concept allowed for people transformed into fictional characters as well as merely transformed, yes, it *was* possible to be Ranma Saotome or something similar.  
  
Obviously the group i ran handled this in the very sort of manner of experienced gamers. In other words: they grabbed weapons (two handguns, the SCA player had a sword, a baseball bat and a phaser pried from the cold dead fingers of a Klingon, went to the nearest gunshop, blasted their way through the ghouls and vargouilles, upgraded their weapons, and then went after what they considered the motherload - a local hardware store (Ace) followed by an Army/Navy Surplus.  
  
The group conflicted on long term goals, the short term being survival and something everyone agreed was the primary goal and something they could cooperate on.  
  
They died, eventually. Splitting up and meeting horrible ends. Two wanted to find and join up with the other survivors. (Ran into a swarm of jocks while trying to hotwire a pickup truck.) One had found some girls who'd fallen out of a swimsuit calender and merely locked himself in a room with them (never heard from again). Another got greedy and went off to empty the bank's coffers into a large heap and swim around in them. (Eaten by a wight.) The last one decided to the Food Court at the mall, figuring the dragon was sufficiently large it wouldn't notice him. (Obvious.)  
  
Another run of it, back in 93, had similar results. Everything worked fine until the teamwork fell apart, then so did the characters.  
  
Still, everyone had a ball until their ammo ran out.  
  
i named the thing "Dragon Highway" because the plan was for (1 month after the Event) dragons to use the various highways as territory markers.  
  
-------  
OMAKE 2  
  
there was some positive feedback, and since i can see her appearing in other crossover fics-  
  
NABIKI TENDO [RN-AK-247121]  
  
LOOKS: Typically catgirl. Very recognizable as Nabiki Tendo, though slightly more buff, with cat ears and tail. Tends to wear tight outfits, prefers shorts to skirts, though she'll change outfits with her mood given the chance.  
  
SMARTS: Her overall intelligence hasn't been affected by the change in species, though her manner of speaking now can cause others to underestimate her. She can speak in a normal manner, but tends to put a lot of feline purring and meowing in. Especially when she's doing her best to give the impression that she's "just a cute little catgirl."  
  
PERSONALITY: In conflict. She started out as being roughly on a level with late manga Nabiki. She went through some soul searching and decided to try and "do good" - mainly due to outside intervention and the discovery that her own family viewed her as a loved but distrusted soulless bitch. Then the catgirl transformation occurred. So Nabiki's personality keeps backsliding by habit to mercenary icequeen, she tries to be noble and heroic, and then there's the catspirit aspects emphasizing her natural mischieviousness and playfulness. Nabiki has begun reconciling this elements, with mixed results.   
  
COOKING: Attention to detail could make her a passable one. Likes fish and would probably exist on fish, milk, and the occasional catnip mouse unless someone else is cooking.  
  
FIGHTING SKILLS: Double normal human strength and stamina, which makes her weaker than Ryouga or Ranma, but still able to do quite a bit. Her speed is much higher than Ryouga's, roughly equal to Ranma at the end of the manga. However, she is a living extension of the catfist who can utilize all or part of it at will. This makes her considerably more competent in a fight than her canon counterpart, though it may be more difficult to convince her to take it seriously.  
  
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Catfist, extremely sensitive senses (hearing, nightvision, sense of smell and touch). And the ability to bite a female human and transform them into a catgirl.   
  
COMPETITION: Currently none, though there is a possibility of reconciling with Ranma.  
  
IN LAWS: Soun Tendo, Kasumi Tendo, Akane Tendo. Treat her right and you'll have their support.  
  
ECONOMICS: None at present. She's been cut off from her usual finances and resources. She's also trying to be a "good kitty" so is not likely to resort to blackmail and similar methods of gaining a quick buck.  
  
SEX: Either have a Ring Of Regeneration or get her to wear claw-guards. Her passions and emotions tend to run wild, so keep that in mind.  
  
OVERALL: if you like to be bored, not a good choice at all. On the other hand, if you're nice to her, she'll try to make *you* purr. 


End file.
